erikdepressant

I used to have the Aircore Walkaway Cookware from the infomercial. It's like a cross between a thermos and a crockpot. You heat it on the stove, then take it off the heat, and the food finishes cooking inside. There's no sound on this video, but you get the idea: It was good for soups and stews, and almost nothing else. I stopped using it when I began seeing online warnings that the cookware explodes on the stove.

Ohmygosh. They're airing commercials for the 25th Anniversary Edition of Beauty and the Beast! That movie came out my first semester of college! It is now older than some of the people with whom I work! How did this happen??

Those Merci ads make me contemplate the etiquette of chocolate gratitude. Like, how many thanks does one Merci cover? Mowing the lawn, fixing a leaky pipe... What is the two-Merci threshold? Teaching me to read, helping me quit heroin? There has to be an Absolute Merci Limit at which point the number of Mercis approaches infinity, but remains inadequate for expressing how grateful you are. Then ya gotta break down and get someone the $25 Sonic Gift Card. Maybe one Merci represents infinite gratitude: one box is as good as a hundred. Whether you deliver my mail or lend me your womb so I can be a parent, you're getting a single Merci. ETA: "...In other news today, the country of Sierra Leone sent the United States a Merci box for our assistance in combating their Ebola outbreak..."

That same site offers Nexsey, which you can use to tape your neck wrinkles back. I'm sure it's reliable for hours, no matter what you're doing. As far as Fullips... using suction to increase the fullness of soft tissue... no comment.

Flex Seal works well for light bladder leakage.

Does this make you want to buy cereal? I would hit a kid with glasses. Twice.

I hope I'm not alone in this... I like orange Jell-O with shredded carrot in it.

A while back, we discussed the Dannon Yogurt commercial in which a woman resists food temptations by shrinking other people's snacks. Now we have the assholes in the oft-aired Invokana commercial. What if farmers needed that rain? What if someone wanted potatoes for dinner? What if I wanted to enjoy a sugary beverage? --In an elevator, because I was too lazy to take the stairs? ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- That commercial makes me think of Invokana: The Gathering, a trading card game in which players use power discs against each other: "I use my Red Smiley-Face Disc of Telekinesis to throw poison at you." "Okay, I use my Blue Droplet Disc of Purification to turn your poison into water." "Really? Then I use my Orange Shoe Disc of Portals to send you into a forest!" "Oh yeah? Well, I use my Green Broccoli Disc of Reality Collapse to crush you in a produce aisle!"

I would be a terrible Gardasil commercial: "Mom? Dad? You know that vaccine you never got me? Don't sweat it. I still can't get laid."

I finally saw that commercial. I am pretty sure that is the same actor AND DOG from the annoying Milk Bone commercials.

I'm guessing it was aimed at people who grow their own weed. "HB-101" sounds like something Congress would try to force through at the last minute.

Those commercials always make me think of Serial Mom.

Whoever designed the "Hog Ride" logo did a terrible job; it looks like "Hag Ride."

Okay, you got me to watch it with more attention than it merits. At 00:22, when he asks how her meal is, it looks like he has a wedding ring on. At the end of the commercial, it looks like a purse, yoga mat, and maybe a gym bag are sitting on the chair on the left. Still, those could be his... Or he couldn't bring himself to get rid of the ring and her belongings after she tapped a food truck and then a tree... Ashamed to admit this: I find it incredibly therapeutic to cuss out children on TV. Especially on Chopped Junior and any of the Jeopardy! kids tournaments. It doesn't take much to get me hurling expletives at them. Try it. You'll feel better.

The first time I saw this Gatorade commercial, it had me diving for the remote before it was even over:

The McDonald's commercial narrator says, "We all want what's best for our kids." Oh, the irony.

Her Aveeno commercials had been on so much, that when she first mentioned dry eyes, my immediate thought was, "Holy shit! They invented oatmeal lotion you can apply directly to your eyeballs!"

It looks like I owe an apology to Towel Guy. I must have missed the scene where they established that he was wearing underwear.

I just watched the episode where a couple moves from Manhattan to Bariloche, Argentina. The guy was a nerdy redhead who put his rap career on hiatus to write a book. I don't remember what she did for a living, but she left her career, her home, and her family to join him on his adventure. I foresee regrets... There were a couple of short video clips of the "frat house environment" of the guy's previous home. One of the men in it appeared to be wearing only a bath towel, and as he lowered himself to the ground to sit on the floor, he spread his legs, giving everyone in the room an eyeful of his junk. The only way I could wrap my head around this was that maybe he's a naturist, and everyone was used to seeing him nude; wearing a towel was how he dressed up for the camera. I just couldn't imagine how the couple ended up together. She had to have seen his rap performances and his home life, but she was still willing to turn her own life upside down to be with him. She has a food blog. Sorry to anyone here who has a food blog, but if you have a food blog, I don't like you. Wikipedia states that Barlioche was Nazi war-criminal haven.

I kinda like the Kellogg’s Raisin Bran "Bike-A-Thon" commercial: Kellogg's was running a lot of commercials of parents interacting with their kids over cereal, and I hated every single one of them. They were just too over-the top saccharine for me. This Raisin Bran commercial doesn't come off as faux-heartwarming as the others do, and I think both actors did a good job. Side note: I also hate the Special-K commercials with that "I Love It" song. In case you get "Mr. Big Stuff" stuck in your head from the commercial, you can listen to it here.

This commercial may be a local commercial, but I assume they're going to be attempting to go nationwide with this. It's for an app called Takl (pronounced "tackle"). It's kinda like Craigslist, helping you connect with people who provide different kinds of services: Every time I see this, all I can think is, "How will anyone be able to discuss this app in email or text?" Auto-correct is going to change "Takl" to "Talk." I wonder if they had to disable the auto-correct on their corporate headquarters' computers.

I know this wasn't the intention, but since riley702's post came after friendperidot's, it seemed like an endorsement of the Litter Robot III as a great fixture in hospital rooms, so people hooked up to IV bags wouldn't have to travel or get lost trying to use the restroom. ETA: friendperidot, I hope you're feeling better. I know what it's like to be misplaced in a hospital, and I know how deprivation can make hospital food delicious.

I can be a germophobe sometimes, but I didn't know I needed antibacterial paint. For my walls.

Even though it's overplayed, I still like this Visa Checkout commercial:

I'm tired of seeing the Ford Escape "Fans" commercial. It declares that "We are all athletes," but my gut and moobs indicate otherwise.