gesundheit

I really hope they don't go down this obvious road of Avery becoming an alcoholic. I also think if they mean for the Patsy Cline biopic to be a terrible Lifetime Original-style biopic and not actually a major motion picture with any credibility, they have nailed it. Those scenes from the movie are so hilariously bad!

I loved every second except for the candy striper bit. I'm not really sure what the point of that was -- I could get the "freaks" banding together to protect their family by killing the cop, even, but I failed to see why they're also participating in gang rape. Is Kathy Bates's character the main one not complicit in all this? I know in AHS CrazyTown there's a great deal of moral relativity, but I'm just trying to assess who is... less bad? This season. (So far.) Otherwise, that was just as dark and twisted and ridiculous and over-the-top and scenery-chewing and warped as I'd hoped.

I completely agree. And it's fine if the show decides to make her bisexual, but there's that whole complication of the showrunner telling us something different. Which is a little unfair in that it makes it impossible just to let the story play out because we're imposing something else on it, but that line really struck me as off. If it's her brain telling her not to be attracted to men but she just is, naturally, then it doesn't really compute. I mean I still appreciate a good-looking man, but in the way that anything pretty is fun to look at. My body certainly doesn't react. And I spent enough time trying to convince myself otherwise that a line like that, though brief and probably ultimately insignificant, felt really tone-deaf to me. Also, were all those Brazilian students supposed to be from a 25-and-up modeling school? I don't mind Shane being annoyed with Karma. She told a lot of lies to two of his favorite people and he's just angry that people he loved got hurt. He also doesn't understand what's so great about her, so I can certainly identify with him!

My DVR cut off the end of the episode. Last thing I saw was Lauren saying she can't get pregnant. Was there much more? I see zero romantic chemistry between Karma and Amy, honestly, so the "will they kiss??!!" thing was kind of boring. I just want them to get on with it and find Amy another gal soon. There's enough Karma/Amy drama with the whole Liam secret. Poor Pablo. But he deserved it. Shut up about the wolf and show a little empathy!

They did ask her last season, she turned them down because she was still angry about the judgeship snub.

Oh, I see. Thanks! I missed that the colors were supposed to be either/or.

I'm not sure I understand, then. It wasn't random, they didn't tell us it was. They knew in advance, that's the structure of this season. Maybe I'm misunderstanding the issue? Here's a nice little assemblage someone put together of ignorant and racist things that John Rocker has said recently. All the quotes toward the end of the article are from 2013 or 2014. I'm annoyed that they selected him and are giving him another stage, but it's certainly easier to pick someone to root against right away! I'm really liking the format this time. Bringing back players gets old, but a full new set is always hard to kind of lock into for a while, you know? This sort of already has a built-in narrative because of the various connections between the loved ones, so it's sort of the best of both worlds.

For those wondering why the players were already dressed in their team colors before the "random tribe selection," it's because the teams were automatic. Every loved one was on the opposite team from their loved one, both teams were pre-determined this time. What Nadiya said and repeated was insensitive. Even Probst called her out on it. It doesn't mean she hates gay people, but it's tremendously insensitive and tone-deaf and Josh was offended by it, and showed himself a shrewd player by not saying one word to her about being offended. Even if you explain it to the offender politely, it's awkward, and he needed her to think he was 100% with her.

The pop-star-in-drag sketch made me a little uneasy, but I loved the rest of it. The button on the end of the redneck sketch was especially great, too (the N/A beer). The new credits are amazing. But I do hope we get the audience back.

It was nice to see Blanca from Orange is the New Black without her monobrow (as Selena)! I hadn't really watched with regularity in a couple of years, but I really liked this premiere. I mean I actually felt excited a few times! It feels like it got fresher, and I'm definitely interested in what arc they've got planned for this new guy.

I was a little surprised that they didn't really explain what intersex means -- I'd believe Shane would already know, but the rest are unlikely to, and Amy came right out and asked but then they seemed to drop it? I doubt MTV trusts most of their demographic to know. Amy's little outfit when she was at the drugstore was about the cutest thing I've ever seen. I also quite enjoyed Amy's point to her mother that apparently it's okay for her to be involved in some sort of BDSM sex dungeon escapades and sleeping with two dudes in one day, but not okay for her to like girls. A little on-the-nose, but still fun since this show isn't exactly gritty realism.

Shallow moment: I am a little exhausted of Kalinda's lady exploits being implied or referred to after the fact. I could have used a breather mid-episode of some Kalinda/Sophia action. What I do like, though, is how she is manipulated with sex almost as often as she manipulates with it. Quid pro quo and all. I always think the phone-call-from-jail-getting-denied trope is overused when they could just make it simpler: they're not required to give you your cell phone to look up a number. I bet plenty of people in this day and age would be stumped to think of a single phone number that they've memorized. (I don't know if this is true everywhere -- maybe it's state by state, but it seems likely enough.) So is Diane representing Cary pro bono on behalf of LG? I'm confused. (Because frankly LG rates would probably set everyone back about as much as that bail!) In other news, I loved that episode and am so glad the show is back. If only it didn't have to start 96 minutes late on the east coast. What nonsense.

I enjoyed the episode, but the idea that these 6 people collectively have enough close friends outside of the circle that they'd go to ten weddings in one summer cracked me right up.

But you guys, the doctor had to give Jordi the surgery because "no" isn't in Jordi's vocabulary!!! Case closed!

I could not agree more. Not that I'm a fan of Glee, but there's a self-awareness and, as you say, quirkiness that is completely absent in this. Just overly sentimental saccharine stereotype treacle, from the pilot. It's a shame, I love Octavia Spencer and Wilson Cruz, but based on the first episode the show has nothing to do with them. I like the premise, but I think I'll probably skip it until I hear mid-season raves about its turnaround or something.

Right? I was cracking up. I've had relationships that lasted 5 years that didn't accumulate that many remembrances. I'm torn. I was so worried in the middle that the show was doing exactly what I've been afraid of the whole time -- making Elizabeth and David into bad guys who were somehow complicit in the kidnapping of their own child. Which is fine and soapy, but is zero percent the conceit I came to watch. But then with the way things progressed, it does seem like Lori's just crazy and that David is definitely lying about not knowing her, but maybe they just had an affair and Lori is a nutter who blames Elizabeth for David not marrying her or...whatever. I don't love the idea of them having their cake and eating it too (yes, the kidnapping happened and was awful, but ONE parent was somewhat complicit and is a bad guy and a big evil liar!). I also had to continue to roll my eyes at the idea that someone in Carter's position isn't in therapy because it just 'isn't her thing.' Wow. Family and child therapists the world over would be out of work if anyone found out all a kid has to say to get out of therapy is that they don't WANNA! Anyway, ultimately the ending prioritized contrivance and high drama over the show I want to see, but at the very least it'll clarify some things once it gets sorted out. And maybe then they can actually tell stories about a traumatized child and family and how they're able to heal and move forward from this somehow? And actually get to know each other? We'll see. That sure sounded like they're sending Max away but keeping him in a back pocket. I do not want Max away!

Has this already been renewed? If not, when do we get a spin-off show for Max?

Maybe, who knows. It just felt more like the usual "ha! hypocrites!" stuff from Sutter, and trying to up the tension by having them be community leaders (as in, they'll be missed and so it's an obstacle for the Sons). I didn't feel like anyone in the room looked bothered that they murdered innocent people. Just inconvenienced that they murdered the wrong people and that those people are high-profile enough that someone will notice they're missing. But again, who knows!

Maybe not shrug it off entirely, but I do think it was definitely meant to mitigate the tragedy of it.

That was pretty gross how we were meant to shrug off the accidental murders because the victims were morally questionable. (Oh no, pastors who like kinky stuff! No loss to the world!) (Or whatever the point of that was.) The real bummer is that if we're to hope for any good storytelling after this, when Jax finds out about Gemma he is going to let her get away with it. Because if we stick to bad storytelling in this pattern, it'll change nothing. He'll just torture and kill one more person and just keep going as he has been going. Which is dull, despite my desperately wanting her comeuppance. Although I'll appreciate his comeuppance, however it comes. I was so bummed that after Jax's big "speak now if you're not 100%" ultimatum that nobody stood up from that table and said, "Yeah, thanks for the out, because actually I'd just been kinda noticing that being in this particular MC is like the absolute worst thing." I would've cheered.

Since this was in response to me, I'm a little confused about this part. I certainly don't expect Carter to feel immediate anger toward Lori or accept Elizabeth as her mother right away. What I expect is for the show to explore how earth-shaking this would be for Carter. To show that this is massive, to show her needing help, getting help, asking questions. I rarely feel like we're watching anything other than show with just a standard teen premise. I mean at this point we have the real parents not even caring that they can find their child's kidnapper, and there's no indication that the feds are still looking. And nobody is giving Carter any pushback on her affection for Lori. She needs help and the show doesn't seem to be interested in that. Other than being way too much of a pushover, I don't think there's much wrong with Elizabeth. She seems to be a pretty loving mother. Most kids would be lucky to have a mother like that.

The problem for me is that the show isn't demonstrating that Carter has been traumatized at all. I'd imagine we all showed up to this series expecting to find her character extremely sympathetic, but they haven't had her behave like a traumatized person in any way. She acted from the word "go" like this wasn't that big a deal and has just been a typical angsty, rebellious teenager with a nasty attitude. Not to mention she still hasn't once expressed anger/rage/sadness about Lori's betrayal. I cannot fathom the magnitude of it, but she still thinks Lori is great and is focusing more on minor betrayals (and everyone is letting her control everything). Now, if anything about the show indicated that this was about denial and that her little teen-rebel antics and eye-rolls were just a defense mechanism to avoid dealing with the earth-shaking horror that is the actual truth, that would be okay with me. As long as we got to her legitimate trauma eventually. But the series seems to be about so much shrugging off. I hope this changes.

I'm not actually interested in why she kidnapped her (too scared it'll be some dumb sob story to elicit sympathy and/or will make David somehow partly culpable), but I'm very interested in why absolutely nobody gives a crap about finding and punishing her for it anymore. I was wondering about the family therapy, too. It makes no sense for them not be getting help. I, too, hope Elizabeth wasn't in on the plot. I think it might be a good sign that she was the truth-teller (and unknowingly so) later in the episode in regard to the Lori business, but I'm still not sure. I'd hate for Elizabeth to be involved if for no other reason than it gives Carter another chance to be unbearably self-righteous and judgmental. (Also nervous that her ease in taking what I assume is an unpaid leave from her job means she knows about the book money, but then again she never said it was unpaid. Maybe she had a lot of time saved up, or maybe the fact that her presumed-dead daughter who was kidnapped turned up and moved back in after 10 years entitles her to some paid time off?) Max continues to be the MVP in every way.

I think (and this echoes some sentiments above) that the problem with the "will they or won't they make this legal" back-and-forth with the Callie adoption situation is that they seem to continue to present as "well, if they don't officially adopt her, then Brandon and Callie can happen." Not that it would mean she has no family, not that it would mean the Fosters don't love her anymore. But the fact of the matter is that, piece of paper or not, she is family. She is Brandon's foster sister. They share parent figures. I don't understand why a signature changes that. She does need a family more than she needs a boyfriend, and yes, she can have that family without a legal adoption. But I'm concerned that the show is trying to have it both ways -- this really is her family, but since her brother's not her legal brother (just her foster brother!) she can totally date him. Which is going to really disrupt the right kind of familial bonding in a major way. On the other hand, "their song" is enough to make me dislike Brandon and Callie as a couple, foster siblings or not. Awful!

This was really a shame. Obviously the whole Callie/Brandon thing has been pushed since the beginning, but I was hoping the show would rise above that. I want to watch stories about this family. And I'm happy to watch the teens and their love interests, I understand that's going to be a massive part of any show on ABC Family, but you know. Not teen relationships WITHIN the title family. And even though I saw it coming, it was just so incredibly disappointing. I'm not sure if I can stick with it if they're still moving ahead. They've jerked me around on PLL long enough and are clearly never killing that horribly inappropriate fan-service couple that sends all the wrong messages. Oh, Robert. So dim. Can't you see that Callie opened her heart to you BECAUSE you proved that you'd put her happiness and well-being first by signing those papers? And so in return you reneg on your promise? That'll win her over for sure! That band. I can't take it. I might add that when the siblings all first went to see them play, I actually thought they were surprisingly good for a TV teen band. Then Brandon joined the band, now they're as embarrassing and cringe-worthy as any TV show band has ever been. Marianna has her hair back, hooray! And I just loved the scene between her and Lena. What was Lena thinking? She decided there was no abuse (just because of her instincts, therefore not following any proper protocol at all) but decided to report Connor's father for, what, rules that she doesn't like? The school board would laugh that off in the first place. His rules for his son are not her business; his physical punishment certainly is. What a series of uncharacteristically irresponsible acts on her part. Rosie killed it. Love her. So I guess in summary, this was all really great. Which makes me sad that they seem to undermine the whole theme of the show with those horrible last few minutes. And good for them because it'll keep their legions of Brandon/Callie fan viewers, obviously their TV show is a commercial enterprise and not meant as a life lesson. It'll just be really disappointing for me personally to stop watching.