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Suzy Rhapsody

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  1. Wow. I also came here to point out the fact that TLC is playing this special right now. They have to be asleep at the wheel . . . right? They’re surely not this careless and clueless. But they are. As disgusting as this is, it’s interesting to watch their POS “mother” in action during this time, given what we know now. She was so clearly getting off on the attention of having children with special needs. Let’s not forget their “father,” who left the kids to fend for themselves while he starts a new life across the country with his new wife and kid. ”This morning, Jani started out hallucinating.” Yeah, bitch, because you were medicating the shit out of her. There is a special hell waiting for this woman. Thank God the kids were removed from her care, but they lived so much of their childhoods with her. It’s beyond sad.
  2. Ben: “Chocolate is the essence of romance.” Oh, Ben. Don’t ever change, sweetie. He has blossomed as a man and husband against all possible odds. I think he has just the right temperament to deal with his bossy-ass wife. I see you, Jessa. Release that man’s balls! I love that John-David is finally (finally) getting the recognition, happiness, and freedom he deserves. I always knew he had it in him, it was just lurking in there, waiting for him to be unleashed by his monstrous parents. He also has the perfect wife for his personality. They’re both so mild-mannered and peaceful; they complement each other perfectly. I’m genuinely happy for them both. The preview scene of Jinger wearing pants this season! YASS, boo! Keep on straining at the leash; I’m here for every minute of it. Joseph and Kendra. They’re cute together. They seem happy. That’s all I got. Ooookay, I’ve been positive enough. On to the bad stuff. First, as someone who lost a child in utero, I absolutely get that it’s sad and it takes an emotional toll. At the risk of sounding callous (and I am absolutely not), Lauren is using it as a badge of honor. She clearly gets a lot of attention from it and seems to thrive on it. They actually showed the little box with their daughter’s remains. Poor Josiah. He looks like he’s up to his eyeballs in her overwrought bullshit. I feel for him. Josiah, did you see what just whooshed by? That was your youth. Hope it was worth it! Finally, the televised goddamn funeral was yet another example of this family’s appallingly poor taste. They just couldn’t allow that poor woman to be laid to rest in private with a shred of dignity. My mother would climb out of that coffin and kick my ass up and down that cemetery if I televised her funeral. I don’t know why I expected anything more, to be honest. Also, why the hell did I have to see so much “Mother” and “Father” Duggar tonight? TLC, you’re just gross. Yes, we notice it and no, we’re never going to be okay with it. Next week’s preview: “Jana has a bunch of guys after her.” Jesus Christ, poor Jana. She’s discussed like a slab of beef in a butcher shop. If I were her, I’d tell them all to kiss my ass and take @Suzy Rhapsody up on her standing offer of a one-way plane ticket to the destination of her choice. (Blink three times at the camera, Jana, and my next call will be to Southwest Airlines.)
  3. Rebecca, you’d better power up that flood light of yours again.
  4. “Not talk with me now. No touching of me.”* *My go-to line for work this week.
  5. This is looking less like a precursor to marriage and more like a shakedown. Benjamin looks like he’s about to shit himself. At least he brought that 52-roll pack of toilet paper!
  6. I bought the same succulent planter. A gardener I am not. I’ll pray for yours if you pray for mine.
  7. Benjamin’s dowry looks like my latest Costco haul.
  8. “Long Island Medium moves to Fridays.” AKA its death knell. (Good riddance, Teresa.)
  9. At least Jeniffffer didn’t call him a poosee this time. Small victories?
  10. And she smokes, too. Wonderful. This woman looks like 10 miles of bad road.
  11. When are people going to learn not to sit down for a conversation with Grangela when she has a beverage in her hand?
  12. TIM. You gave that woman a secondhand “promise ring?!” 😂
  13. From his hair on down, Zied is a literal slimeball. Get some fucking pride, woman. You’re too old for this shit!
  14. Avery is a child, plain and simple. It’s not a question of if she’ll regret this. It’s when.
  15. This poor woman! If my potential spouse voiced such grave doubts about marrying me, he wouldn’t have to worry about it much longer, I know that.
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