27bored

Oh, me neither. I think if that were to happen they would add an annoying trap rhythm to it for the kids and it would probably pale in comparison. But I just think it would fit their personal narratives well, and I’m almost certain Halsey knows and loves that song.

Exactly. I think a lot of these artists are self-centered so they do a lot of self-centered shit. How about just being gracious and humble and letting it be that? Drake barely shows up to the Grammys and then when he does show he wants to give this BS speech about true success? Man, please. You submitted that song because you wanted to win. Period. I disliked that because it was inconsiderate of the team of people who were behind her who...kinda don’t give two fucks about Beyoncé’s “my man ain’t shit” album. And also, Adele was doing all that damn crying, but if Beyonce has won, she wouldn’t have said shit about Adele and she damn sure wouldn’t have broken off a piece of her award for her. Well, here’s the thing: Cardi has writing credits on every song on her album. I don’t doubt she’s had A LOT of writing help, I think a lot of the credit goes to the producers who knew what the music needed to feel like. I mean, I can believe Cardi has a hand in writing her lyrics. How clever or witty are her lyrics in the first place? Even her flows aren’t all that intricate. I just think Cardi is the rare NY rapper who knows that the bop will take you further than just bars. This usually comes naturally to down-South rappers who know you have to put together records that will keep the party going rather than flipping intricate rhymes. LOL. I hate to say this, but I remember Ashanti’s heyday. Ashanti was a cute, light-skinned around-the-way girl with a sweet but thin voice. She knew her way around a hook, but Ashanti wasn’t a star. She was a glorified hook girl. In fact, going back to prior comments about colorism, Lil Mo was a much better singer than Ashanti, but Ashanti might’ve only taken off because she was the cute light-skinned chick. So if her label decided to try and make money by giving some of her material to J Lo, take that up with Irv Gotti and them. J Lo is still a star; Ashanti is...at the house tweeting.

Sadly I think you’re right. I’ve heard stories about how blatantly colorist the industry is. I do wonder if that is music industry specific or if it’s the entertainment industry writ-large. Because even though Cardi has the industry stats, a big part of her success is that she’s become a household name. A celebrity. It seems like if she was just a chick who could rap, she could probably get signed, but I don’t know if she would be guest-hosting Jimmy Fallon, on the cover of magazines, and the toast of Fashion Week if she weren’t light-skinned with the right lace front/wig.

Here’s a random idea: Post Malone and Halsey should remake “Broken” by Seether.

I think I’ve said before that I think the reason artists like Cardi B, Camilla Cabello, J Balvin, Ozuna, among others, are being pushed is because of the political climate we’re in with Trump and immigration and the wall and all that. I’m annoyed by that for two reasons: 1. I...don’t like when corporations and The Suits try to make sociopolitical statements through artists. I don’t have a problem with messages via music in a general sense — that’s part of the power of music — but it’s more annoying when I feel like certain people are being put in position just to Make A Point or fulfill a quota. It feels really manipulative and off-putting. Plus, I like when I feel like a message is emanating from an artist so I can hold them accountable if they sound ridiculous. It’s harder when the message is something stupid and it’s buried in an AutoTuned pop song. 2. Speaking of which, the other problem I have, and this is main issue: THEY’RE USING BLAND, BARELY TALENTED ACTS TO SEND THESE MESSAGES. Camilla Cabello has been on TV so many times performing Havana; it’s not a great song, she isn’t a great singer, she’s cute but nothing special in the looks department, and her album was just a’ight. Why do I keep seeing her, on TV, singing this same five-note song? Twenty years there was a “Latin craze” with Ricky Martin, Marc Anthony, Christina Aguilera, and J. Lo. The former three can sing and perform, and J. Lo can perform and at least had some catchy songs. Camilla was just the cute chick in the kick line for Fifth Harmony. Even though, I will say it was slyly ironic that Ricky Martin came out to perform Havana with Camilla at the Grammy’s since twenty years ago he had the Latin-crossover novelty hit Livin La Vida Loca which similarly got played out and has haunted him the rest of his career.

I can’t entirely disagree but I also think she’s the result of hip-hop devolving into sex raps and superficiality. I think the genre forces females into rapping about the same stuff, and when that happens, it just becomes about whoever is hot rapping about bullshit over a generic trap beat. That being said, Cardi B is proof that with a budget and professionals and raw talent and hard work, you can accomplish a lot. Only female artist to have every song on her album get a Gold or Platinum certification, and Bodak Yellow has sold over 9 million records worldwide. Thats saying something.

Shay from Dan and Shay looks like Handsome Chubby Cubicle Guy. Diana Ross is a diva and you will respect her as such.

As much as I loved seeing Ricky Martin and Young Thug on Havana, I never want to hear that freaking song again. Serious question: did Gaga take a hit of coke before the awards? She looks and is acting high. Congrats I guess to her for her win. Shawn Mendes and Miley sounded straight CHEEKS. Who was the chick in the white dress? And Janelle Monáe is...more weird than good.

I saw The Weeknd’s video for Starboy today and I had a weird thought. A unique thought similar to how I said I’d like “Look What You Made Me Do” if Britney Spears sang it. I think I’d like The Weeknd a whole lot better if he were gay. Here me out! The Weeknd has this muted Michael Jackson thing in look and sound that works for him because it seems organic and he’s usually wise enough not to lean into it too much. I Can’t Feel My Face was about the closest he’s ever come to full-on parody, but he even acquit himself well because that’s a strong song. The one consistent thing about Weeknd is he tries to portray himself as a bit of a bad ass. Maybe not a tough guy, but more of a lothario. Contra that with someone like NeYo, who tends to write strong female characters and doesn’t make big strides to portray himself as a big shit. Because of this, The Weeknd comes off kinda phony and a tad awkward not unlike when MJ did it. Weeknd has a high voice, he over enunciates, and he went from that weird Basquist hairdo to just not having a shape-up. So seeing him rap-singing in the Starboy video in all black walking down the hall turkey-necking was just funny to me. Thats why I say I think I would like him way better if he were gay. Some of these contradictions would make more sense. Just sayin’.

It was annoying seeing her dance around certain questions, like her issues with The Voice, whether she tried to punch Pink, which celebrity has she had to curb, stuff like that. It’s like, that show is meant to be messy and gossipy. I’m not saying be like that all the time, but it’s like our version of those British chat shows where they ask silly and at times inappropriate questions. Nobody cares that much, but Christina seems tense the whole time. I think you’re right about her voice carrying her hroughout her career, and as eerie as it sounds, back when she was beefing with Kelly Osborne, I remember her saying the same thing. As for Halsey, yeah, she’s pretty underwhelming. She’s like Rihanna’s aesthetic with Lorde’s mood and Lana del Rey’s sound. Seriously, there’s a video floating around comparing several of her songs to Lana del Rey’s and they sound eerily similar. I will say, the remix to Without Me, featuring JuiceWrld, is interesting. I gotta admit that it’s amusing to see young black male rappers are totally bringing Emo back. He literally screams “LIFE’S NOT FAIR” on the remix. I laughed when I first heard it.

Speaking of Christina, she was on Watch What Happens recently and...ugh. I see why someone so talented is consistently underachieving. Christina, it’s a different day and age. People have to feel a connection and relatability to you in order for them to care about your output. This whole Disney child star, always-say-the-right-thing shtick is tired, especially for someone who has a famously bad attitude. You have to realize nobody is really checking for you like that, so you need to give a little more or else you just come off like someone who doesn’t realize she’s not really famous anymore.

I only call it a flop in terms of sales in comparison to her past albums. I agree underperformed is a bit more charitable, but I gotta be honest Sweetener wasn’t a good album to me. It felt thin. Ariana already has that show biz kid obsession with hitting her marks, so her success has only validated that. She comes off like a glorified demo singer, not a pop star. I love P!nk too. I think it’s remarkable that she’s made a career on pop songs that aren’t necessarily love/sex songs. With Britney, I felt like she should’ve cut her hair and gone a bit more unplugged or organic with her sound about ten years ago. After her public meltdown, they tried to rebuild her as America’s Sweetheart and it just looked desperate. It’s funny because I feel like Christina tried to be grown too soon and I feel like Britney didn’t mature quickly enough. As for Demi, I...don’t know. I think she tried to commit suicide. To be honest, I’ll be concerned if she tried to come right back in a few months. I don’t think she’s strong enough to cope with the pressures of fame without reengaging with drugs. At least not yet. And that’s assuming she’s still sober.

Her album debuting high and having singles that performed well...doesn't exactly mean the album wasn't a flop. The project didn't go Platinum, unlike her prior albums, and given that Ariana is A Priority for her label, and likely commands a large budget (e.g., the "God is a Woman" video), they expect her to do numbers, not just okay. The fact that the album didn't even go Gold kind of says something. A good example of this is Katy Perry. She had a big album, a big roll-out, and it flopped even though she debuted at #1. I really feel like the problem is, around album #4 or 5, artists start thinking they need to show they're still relevant by either going sociopolitical or sexpot, when they really need to show that they're good. I need a vocal album from Katy and Ariana, not Ever Since I Found Out What Feminism Is I'm Woke With Miley's Old Haircut and I'm Famous Now So All I Have To Do Is Sing Along To The Reference Track And Hit A Few High Notes, You Know, If I Feel Like It.

Not to hate, but I’ve been wondering why Ariana is rolling out a new album when she just came out with Sweetener not even a year ago. Then I went and looked at the sales. Apparently Sweetener flopped. It hasn’t even gone Gold, it doesn’t appear. This new album might do better with Thank You Next bring such a big single, but I don’t know. Ariana can’t seem to decide if she wants to play the blythe, barely-trying diva, or the spoiled, sexy ingenue.

First case: The sexual harassment case was...interesting. I didn't know who to believe. The guy seemed kind of dodgy and slick, like he had something to hide. You would think a guy being accused of sexual harassment would be less amused and more defensive if someone tried to frame him by pulling pictures off his Instagram page and say they were inappropriate pictures he texted to them. On the other hand, very interesting that you would delete said texts and then bring it up in court as evidence. That's the thing about sexual harassment. Like, I don't think most women things up out of whole cloth most of the time, but I do think a lot of women like to add eleven herbs and spices to Original Recipe Flirtation when they dislike someone or think it will get them something. In this case, it seemed like she was mad he didn't pay her her money, but she knew he might've been sweet on her, so she cooked up this whole accusation as a pretext. JJ annoys me a lot, but I wish we had more people like her, in open forums, discussing these matters before someone has to lose their job and have their reputation stained. I literally said, "oh, please" when she said they were out and he was touching her arm. I laughed when JJ said that wasn't sexual harassment and she didn't care how she felt. Second case: Initially, I felt bad for the lady up until the last five minutes of the case. I thought, well, she's a foreigner, she probably thought her room and her belongings were safe, even if it was a bad idea to leave $1200 in cash just in an envelope. Yeah, she could've used the safe, but...she had a room she thought was locked and secure. But then it turns out the hotel did everything they could to help her and make sure none of her belongings were missing, but she wanted to sit outside because she "feared for her safety". Uh...what? And the whole thing about her fiance and his daughter not liking her was weird, too. I was like, "hmph, I wonder why the daughter doesn't like her..." She seems a little high drama and maybe dear daughter sees that, but pops just wants some middle-aged, heavy-set, chippy with hair dyed odd-fuschia.

Let us never forget who the real Ann Coulter is:

I guess I’m in the minority but I don’t see the big deal in what Ann Coulter said. She pretty clearly said her support for a wall had nothing to do with race and everything to do with the effect illegal immigration has on Americans. I think time and again Bill treats Republican viewpoints as arbitrary because they’re easier to dismiss with a smirk that way. Just like when he brought up the “Mexico will pay for it” thing. Ann started explaining how that would be possible and what Trump meant — taxing remittances to Mexico over time would pay for the wall — and the audience started jeering her. People have been asking for years whether Ann “believes it” or not; I think some people tend to write off conservatives as hate-mongers so when they encounter one who is outspoken (like Bill), pugilistic (like Bill), and isn’t afraid to piss off their fans from time to time (like Bill), they take massive offense to it.

Yeah, I was trying not to go there, but notice the music critic/hipster crowd doesn’t quickly smear or write off rappers for being derivative. Part of me thinks they’re easy targets in this day and age. White dudes from the Midwest making Dad Music who obviously have some connections are obviously easier to make fun of than hip-hop on the whole.

A lot of people dragged Greta van Fleet for their performance, but I have to offer a mild defense. If you went back and saw the bands they’re influenced by back in their primes, they probably would not have sounded awesome. In fact, so many of them were drunk and/or coked up, there’s a fairly good chance they would’ve sounded like ass. Now, for a band that already has a bit of reputation for getting too much too soon and being called the saviors of rock, stinking up the place on SNL is a surefire way to confirm their overratedness in the eyes of their detractors. Remember Lana del Rey sleepwalking through her performances a few years ago?

At the risk of sounding petty, am I the only one who doesn’t like to hear Drake or Taylor Swift talk? For them to both make such put-upon music, they both have what I call Boardroom Voice

Why can’t I unreservedly like an Ariana Grande song? I don’t know what it is. People keep complimenting her and I keep being underwhelmed. I didn’t think Thank U, Next was anything special. As a matter of fact, it felt bitchy and petty. Imagine felt like a Disney ballad. This new song, 7 Rings, is unbelievable. As in, she doesn’t sound believable. I don’t buy Ariana as an ingenue, a diva, or a bad bitch. She’s just kinda there, for me. Pretty girl, pretty voice. With every release she just seems less like a young Mariah and more like Tinashe with a budget and a whistle register. In fact, on the rapping part of 7 Rings, she sounds like Tinashe a little bit.

Word. By the way, I think it’s stuff like that that ultimately kills careers. When it feels like you’re being pushed out there even when the material is lackluster, or overhyped, that’s when people start pulling back. You mentioned Rihanna. I’ve heard that one thing she doesn’t do is try to pull strings to win certain awards or keep from winning awards.

How do you guys feel about Camila Cabello? And more specifically, how do you feel about Havana? I think that is one of the most overrated songs in the last five years, and Camila herself is pretty overrated too as a result. I get why Havana works as a pop song and a vehicle for her. It has an instantly recognizable hook, and thematically it works not only in a radio format but it can sell other shit, which is what pop music is supposed to do. It’s not just an artistic endeavor, it’s supposed to be the soundtrack to our lives. So not only can they promote it to radio but car companies and shampoo companies can use it in their commercials, too. Plus, low-key, I think there’s a bit of cultural politics at play. There’s been an obvious concerted effort to push Latin artists over the last few years, likely as a response to Trump. Havana has a ubiquity that many hit songs these days don’t, especially hip-hop. I don’t have a problem with them pushing Latin pop or Latin pop artists, the only thing I’ll say is, aside from the fact that I don’t think some of the artists being promoted are particularly good, it kind of annoys me because the downside is once the agenda has been fulfilled, things are gonna get quiet for a lot of them very quickly. And that’s not fair. Anyway, the thing is, I don’t think it’s a very good song. It would work better as a girl group song, IMO. And even though I don’t think Camila is anything to write home about, I think they’re doing to her kind of what they did to Shakira and Hips Don’t Lie a decade ago. Shakira’s a uniquely talented artist who had some crossover success. Then she caught one with a fairly formulaic novelty Latin pop song, it blew up and was everywhere all the time, and then...that was about it. Shakira still makes music, s d probably has put out other English-language material, but the general public would be hard-pressed to remember any if it.

Right. That video seemed like an ad for her brand new lip fillers, anyway. I think the song would’ve been better served in the hands of a lesser singer, specifically Rihanna. It would’ve gotten radio play and likely had a video budget. Christina does tough better than sexy, IMO. She should’ve taken a note from Pink — after all, she started working with Linda Perry as a result — and not bothered so much with being sexy. Hell, I don’t even think Rihanna puts it in her head that she needs to be sexy all the time. She just has this vaguely noncommittal sexuality that works for her. Well, Pink has done sexy before.

Ashley McBryde’s album was great. She seems like a tough yet sweet Southern woman. The title track especially is good. Came here to show some love for Tenille Arts. I’m not familiar with her but apparently she’s Canadian and was on the Bachelor. I’ll ignore the reality tv pedigree. I don’t want to ruin the love I have for “I Hate This”. She does a good job acting with her voice. She’s like Taylor Swift with actual chops.