S14.E11: Night Lights

[Danielg342]

Air date: January 2, 2019

Quote

The BAU team heads to Portland, Ore., to investigate a chilling abduction that may be linked to a local couple who were killed in their home a week earlier.

[Danielg342]

For "Exhausting".

Why? It boils down to this: I could write these Erica Messer episodes in my sleep.

• Every UnSub has a family issue.
• If there's a man being attacked in the episode, you can be sure he's going to killed and you get to see the torture in all its glory.
• If there's a woman who is being victimized, you can be sure you'll never see her get hurt, she'll be portrayed as "precious" and she'll be saved. Nine times out of ten she may even have a "you go girl!" moment where she outsmarts the UnSub and saves herself...all for female empowerment or something like that.
• Rapes never happen, even when they would make sense for them to happen (most real serial killers are sexual deviants, after all). Oh, and don't expect rape as a backstory either, even though it would be totally understandable.
• If a case involves something on the Internet, such as social media or online banking, expect it to portrayed in an entirely negative light that will put you in peril in some way.
• The crimes will be so maddeningly simple that you wonder why the FBI is called in at all. Why have local police if they don't need to do any actual work?
• If there isn't 300 million different feints to give the illusion of complexity, the case will fit together all too easily...but the BAU will still spend half the episode saying, "this doesn't make sense" and "how does this all fit?"
• Men will be expected to give the women oodles of fanservice by being shirtless and showing off those muscles, even if it doesn't make a lick of sense. Women, on the other hand, will never be used for similar fanservice, even when it would make sense, because "we gotta make a statement about objectification", or something.
• Expect ominous music to play when something bad or important is going to happen. Because the audience can't deduce that for themselves.
• The BAU field members will all be interchangeable, spouting whatever lines and doing whatever action the plot needs at that moment. None of them will have a personality, because none of them need one.
• If a team member gets the spotlight, expect it to come in some lazy bookend segments that are supposed to "shine a light" on their personal lives but really don't offer much insight at all.
• Well, except Reid...but Reid will only get used to be victimized (something about Matthew Gray Gubler being so good at crying, or something) or to be CM's Wikipedia. No need for him to do anything else.
• Garcia will be an insufferable, whiny child who will wear ridiculous outfits and place even more nonsensical trinkets on her desk because, even though by now she should be a professional (after 14 years on the job), she "totally needs things to get through all those icky, yucky images".
• Team members can totally go rogue, unless this is the episode where someone remembers "it's not a good idea for the police to do that".
• The team can also openly disrespect the law and conduct illegal searches and interrogations because they're "the good guys" and those are "the bad guys", so it's OK to abuse someone's rights.
• Don't expect anything to happen in the daylight, because nighttime adds "mood"...or something like that. Because who cares if the audience can actually see what's going on.
• If the episode is supposed to have an impact, expect it to be a cheap payoff where a team member suddenly learns their only-referred-to once aunt or mother or significant other or whatever other person close to them is in trouble and needs their help. 50/50 on whether they actually get saved, with the odds being higher for female characters and lower for male characters.
  • Or, a team member gets put in peril, and, unless you know that cast member is leaving, expect that member to survive.
• Need tension? Just add gratuitous gore, or insert a female character or a child character whose only purpose is to get kidnapped for the BAU to later save.
• Need the UnSub to be sympathetic? Insert a scene where he reminisces about his lost mother or his lost wife. If you have a female UnSub, insert a scene where she reminisces about her lost children...and it will always be about lost children, because female UnSubs will have always shot their abusive ex.
• The UnSub will be male, unless we actually need the UnSub to be a sob story. In that case, 90% chance the UnSub is female.
• You do not shoot female UnSubs, even when it would make sense. Males...totally go for it.
• Oh, and despite how "progressive" the CM writers think they are, forget about making an UnSub that's homosexual or transgender, unless you want to do "a very special episode". Heteronormativity, baby!
• Penultimately, if CM ever deviates from any of the above points, it will be a one-off and next week they'll be back to normal again.
• Finally, don't expect anything like actual character development, or real nuances, or a simple case that gets built upon, or even a case or an UnSub that makes logical sense...because doing any of that would take actual work from these writers and we all know they're as lazy as they come.

Did I miss anything? I think that covers it. If you want to use that as a checklist, how'd this episode do?

• Every UnSub has a family issue. (1/1) Yup- this guy was punished by his parents by forcing him to continue his "therapy".
• If there's a man being attacked in the episode, you can be sure he's going to killed and you get to see the torture in all its glory. (2/2) The husband not only got stabbed in the back in all the bloody glory, you also (almost) saw his eye getting singed...and then later saw him actually blinded.
• If there's a woman who is being victimized, you can be sure you'll never see her get hurt, she'll be portrayed as "precious" and she'll be saved. Nine times out of ten she may even have a "you go girl!" moment where she outsmarts the UnSub and saves herself...all for female empowerment or something like that. (2/2) She may have been stabbed but that happened off-screen. She also did try to run away from the UnSub and save herself.
• Rapes never happen, even when they would make sense for them to happen (most real serial killers are sexual deviants, after all). (1/1) There was an implied rape as told by the daughter of the house the UnSub rented from, but if you listen closely to what she actually said, the UnSub merely held her down and ran after her in the woods. We also saw the UnSub have the female victim in this episode bound to a bed in duct tape, and he didn't think about taking advantage of her, when his entire identity revolved around him feeling ugly and insecure...completely the kind of guy who'd rape a woman to "teach her a lesson for ignoring him". Conversely, the husband was nearly naked...you'd think that would imply the UnSub sexualized him (and the UnSub perhaps burying homosexual tendencies could be in line with what we knew about him), but nothing sexual happened at all even though he was similarly bound and incapacitated.
• If a case involves something on the Internet, such as social media or online banking, expect it to portrayed in an entirely negative light that will put you in peril in some way. (1/1) Don't rent from Air 'BnB', because you just may end up renting a house from a psychopath who will literally burn your eyes out and then stab you in the back later.
• The crimes will be so maddeningly simple that you wonder why the FBI is called in at all. Why have local police if they don't need to do any actual work? (1/1) A simple interview with the therapist's son- who was more than co-operative- revealed that the UnSub was one of the therapy sessions and examining the case files- as well as what he was doing to his victims- would have revealed him easily. Labour intensive, maybe, but not something you need the FBI for.
• If there isn't 300 million different feints to give the illusion of complexity, the case will fit together all too easily...but the BAU will still spend half the episode saying, "this doesn't make sense" and "how does this all fit?" (1/1) My brother and I had this figured out halfway through the episode, but we still spent most of it watching the BAU utter those magic phrases, especially JJ near the climax.
• Men will be expected to give the women oodles of fanservice by being shirtless and showing off those muscles, even if it doesn't make a lick of sense. Women, on the other hand, will never be used for similar fanservice, even when it would make sense, because "we gotta make a statement about objectification", or something. (2/2) The husband was naked except for his boxer shorts. The wife was dressed in a blazer, a blouse (with camera angles that never showed her cleavage), a long skirt and flats. It's possible the UnSub found those two like that when he abducted them, but it's highly unlikely. They were likely vacationers, so more casual attire would have made sense, and the man in the boxer shorts would imply that he was in bed...so why the woman wasn't similarly in bed attire I don't understand.
  • More to this point- remember back in S1 Gideon once said that UnSubs dehumanize their victims. There's nothing more dehumanizing than stripping them naked and sexually brutalizing them. Real serial killers did that all the time, because they wanted their victims to feel completely humiliated. I get that network TV wouldn't allow too much of this on-screen but- and I've said it before- CM's "default" victim should be as sexually humiliated as network TV will allow, even if much of this are just descriptions of what's in a report, simply because it's reality.
• Expect ominous music to play when something bad or important is going to happen. Because the audience can't deduce that for themselves. (1/1) Multiple times tonight- most notably at the beginning.
• The BAU field members will all be interchangeable, spouting whatever lines and doing whatever action the plot needs at that moment. None of them will have a personality, because none of them need one. (2/2) Did anyone really stand out tonight? Nope? Thought so.
• If a team member gets the spotlight, expect it to come in some lazy bookend segments that are supposed to "shine a light" on their personal lives but really don't offer much insight at all. (1/1) Luke's "housewarming party"- check, and check.
• Well, except Reid...but Reid will only get used to be victimized (something about Matthew Gray Gubler being so good at crying, or something) or to be CM's Wikipedia. No need for him to do anything else. (1/2) Reid wasn't victimized- unless you want to count being ribbed by his so-called "friends" in the BAU at Luke's party as being "victimized". He was the episode's Wikipedia, though.
• Garcia will be an insufferable, whiny child who will wear ridiculous outfits and place even more nonsensical trinkets on her desk because, even though by now she should be a professional (after 14 years on the job), she "totally needs things to get through all those icky, yucky images". (1/1) "Do I have to?" 'Nuff said.
• Team members can totally go rogue, unless this is the episode where someone remembers "it's not a good idea for the police to do that". (0.5/1) There's half a point here because Luke went into the attic by himself without waiting for backup and nearly got himself killed before Matt saved the day. It's not an egregious error (Luke didn't defy an order) but he did defy protocol and proper procedure.
• The team can also openly disrespect the law and conduct illegal searches and interrogations because they're "the good guys" and those are "the bad guys", so it's OK to abuse someone's rights. (0/1) Episode is clean on this count.
• Don't expect anything to happen in the daylight, because nighttime adds "mood"...or something like that. Because who cares if the audience can actually see what's going on. (1/1) Most of this episode did happen in the dark, although it was somewhat justified given the content.
• If the episode is supposed to have an impact, expect it to be a cheap payoff where a team member suddenly learns their only-referred-to once aunt or mother or significant other or whatever other person close to them is in trouble and needs their help. 50/50 on whether they actually get saved, with the odds being higher for female characters and lower for male characters. (0/1) Not an "impact" episode, so no points.
  • Or, a team member gets put in peril, and, unless you know that cast member is leaving, expect that member to survive. (0.5/1) Half a point because Luke was momentarily in danger.
• Need tension? Just add gratuitous gore, or insert a female character or a child character whose only purpose is to get kidnapped for the BAU to later save. (2/2) Blowtorch to the eye? Check. Matt foreshadowing that the wife's only path to survival is by "bonding" with the UnSub, which is what she does? Check.
• Need the UnSub to be sympathetic? Insert a scene where he reminisces about his lost mother or his lost wife. If you have a female UnSub, insert a scene where she reminisces about her lost children...and it will always be about lost children, because female UnSubs will have always shot their abusive ex. (0/2) No attempt to make the UnSub sympathetic...he saw himself as a monster and the wife merely messed with his head.
• The UnSub will be male, unless we actually need the UnSub to be a sob story. In that case, 90% chance the UnSub is female. (1/1) This UnSub was male.
• You do not shoot female UnSubs, even when it would make sense. Males...totally go for it. (1/1) Matt shot the UnSub at the end, presumably killing him (since we didn't see him on a hospital bed and Matt checked his pulse).
• Oh, and despite how "progressive" the CM writers think they are, forget about making an UnSub that's homosexual or transgender, unless you want to do "a very special episode". Heteronormativity, baby! (1/1) Although the UnSub never did state his sexual orientation, his teenage interactions suggests he's heterosexual, as well as the fact he seemed to be more fond of the female half of the married couples he was murdering.
• Penultimately, if CM ever deviates from any of the above points, it will be a one-off and next week they'll be back to normal again. (1/1) You could argue there was a slight deviation in that the wife was actually stabbed in the back and you heard it in all its glory...but, she still survived (as she was on the hospital gurney without her face covered), even though if this was reality she would likely be dead due to blood loss.
• Finally, don't expect anything like actual character development, or real nuances, or a simple case that gets built upon, or even a case or an UnSub that makes logical sense...because doing any of that would take actual work from these writers and we all know they're as lazy as they come. (1/1) This point is subjective, yes...but I can't point to any actual character development or even some kind of "deeper meaning" to what was happening. It was all a straight-up, paint-by-the-numbers case that merely explained but never dug, when there was potential for so much more.

That's 26/32, or 81.2%.

Now, perhaps I'll continue using that checklist each week...but that would involve me actually caring about this show. I'm not sure how much I really do, at this stage, given how maddeningly predictable and nauseating it has become. CM's devolved so much from what it once was that it's not even recognizable anymore...it's just a tired cop show that's trying way too hard to "reinvent" itself, only that it's not trying to reinvent itself in any way that an audience might actually want it to reinvent itself too. It feels too much like Erica Messer's vanity project when there actually is effort put into the episodes and too much like a "constructed with cardboard and bubblegum" slapdash when there isn't.

This really feels like a show on its last legs...and it looks like we're going to get an agonizing finish. A sad way to end such a legendary show.

[Annber03]

I liked the idea of using an unsub's struggles with therapy for a disability for a backstory and inspiration for a case. The idea that this guy was messed up by the way his parents and his doctor both tried to treat him had some interesting possibilities to it. But yeah, I feel like the idea was better than the execution. I get that he was trying, on some level, to make his victims struggle the way he struggled, but I feel like that connection wasn't very strong, and I do agree they could've done more with that part of things. 

I do like seeing the victims try and fight back and attempt to escape, though, 'cause it does provide a little more tension than the usual "unsub holds their final victim hostage while the team talks them down" scenes tend to do.. I would've especially liked it if Nikki had actually been able to get out of the house before the unsub got to her at all. Maybe having her escape before the team even got there could've added a bit to the tension as well. 

Did like the scene with everyone hanging out at Luke's place at the end, though. Cliche or not, I don't care, I just like any moments where I get to see these guys being genuinely happy and enjoying time together. 

[Hotchgirl18]

Can the raging man hating producer just go already? We see through the BS loud and clear Messer. 

[preeya]

In less than one minute JJ finds the case file, among thousands of others, which points them to "solvation"

[illdoc]

And did you notice Emily said "First he killed his parents, then the doctor, so why the random couple?". At this point, we don't even know that the parents are dead! 

[ams1001]

Do any of these people have friends outside of the BAU?

[Hotchgirl18]

The team was stupid in this episode. 

[preeya]

1 hour ago, Hotchgirl18 said:

The team was stupid in this episode. 

As was the episode. I really hated it.

[Mystery]

17 hours ago, preeya said:

In less than one minute JJ finds the case file, among thousands of others, which points them to "solvation"

Yeah that was crazy. 

I didn't like this episode. It reminded me of why Mandy Patinkin was supposed to have left, all the gratuitous torture. Nothing about it really made sense for me. 

eta: Oh! and KV once again tottering on those stupid high heels. The character wears them too often to be walking around like that. If KV can't learn to walk in them (I'm not criticizing; I'm sure I wouldn't be able to do it) then they need to stop making her wear them. 

And that short short dress at work. Oy. 

Edited January 4, 2019 by Mystery
something else drove me crazy

[Rockstar99435]

This episode had a lot of stuff that freaks me out (eye trama, permanent maiming, random victims, almost getting rescued only to be recaptured), so I probably missed some info, but I have multiple questions.

1) Did the Unsub's parents blind him because he was afraid of the dark?

2) How did the Unsub know exactly where the Marathon Guy would exit the woods? Marathon Guy could have gone in any direction and left the woods at any point. How did he have his car in just the right place? Did he put a tracker on him?

3) If the Police Station is right up the street (according to Matt, if the guy had turned left instead of right he would have seen it) and, according to the security system guy, the cops were already on their way, how did they not get there in time to save the Marathon Guy?

4) How the hell did Blindy McNeckbeard physically overpower the couple when he kidnapped them originally? How did he physically overpower Marathon Guy on the porch? Marathon Guy was bigger, stronger, and hopped up on adrenaline. And he knew that the UnSub was going to torture and kill him if he got back in the car. How is he not fighting with everything he has? Did the UnSub drug him?

5) When one of the team talked to the Goth neighbor kid, the kid said that the UnSub put Marathon Guy in his car, how was the next question not "What kind of car? What color was the car? Did you notice the license plate?"

[SSA Emily Prentiss]

14 hours ago, Mystery said:

And that short short dress at work. Oy. 

 

I didn't watch the episode nor do I think I will, but I did see the previews pics and seeing Garcia in that dress gave me the same reaction as you : Oy. Everytime I tell myself that this character is done surprising me (negatively), she proves me wrong. Maybe she dressed to go dancing and then suddenly she remembered : "Oh wait ! On my way to the dance club, I have to stop by the office in case they need me." That's the only.... logical (?) explanation I could find.

Edited January 4, 2019 by SSA Emily Prentiss

[tomorrowgirl]

I don't enjoy torture scenes and I don't enjoy poorly written scripts, but I was very glad to see the return of Reid.  I just wish the writers would give him more to do.

Edited January 5, 2019 by tomorrowgirl