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CletusMusashi

Walking Dead Swifties

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A "swifty" is a specific type of bad pun, in which the way that somebody says something has a double meaning. They're kind of a guilty pleasure for some, but most find them incredibly noxious, which is why I'm starting a new thread instead of tainting, say, the limerick and haiku area.

I'll give a few, just to get them OUT of my head. Once you've seen a few, the definition will start to make more sense.

And then, either people will add more atrocities to the thread, or it will sink away into oblivion.

 

"You know how to bite a dick," said Abraham frankly.

"I wish I had flowers to look at," said Carol lackadaisically.

"Hold your blade toward the zombie's head," pointed out Rosita.

"Every place we go looks like Georgia," stated Rick.

"I'm single now," said Abraham smoothly.

"That is not my rabbit!" Daryl exclaimed.

"I've had it with Abraham's poop jokes," bantered Sasha.

"We ate Bob," said Gareth manfully.

"They could have at least offered me a Chianti," Bob whined.

"They attacked first!" shot back Rick.

"I do not want to talk to The Governor," said Michonne choppily.

"I have a bayonet," said Merle offhandedly.

"It's hard for me to do runs," said Noah limply.

"You are not raping Coral," Rick said bitingly.

"I've had it with Terminus," said Carol heatedly.

"Gabriel, you know nothing of my work," Jesus said crossly.

Eugene bit down onto Dwight's wiener, with relish.

Edited by CletusMusashi
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"And I know it's the flu," Carol fired back.

 

 

 

Oh, and was I the only one who opened this thread thinking it may have been filled with zomie-fied Taylor Swift fans?

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"Oh... guess I misplaced the pantry inventory", said Olivia listlessly.

"This arrow in my head really hurts", said Denise pointedly.

"What a stupid thing to do for a damn can of soda!" said Daryl crushingly.

"So YOUR crew killed my boyfriend!!!" said Michelle explosively.

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"Eye can't focus," Carl shot with righteous indignation.

"I see dead people," Sam despaired, sounding torn apart.

"You!" Ron said piercingly.

"I ain't strogan-you-off," Rosita laid out.

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"You... keep your hands off me!" said Tara after a pregnant pause.

"Looks like we're okay for the moment", said Carl shortsightedly.

"I'm seeing some really strange dead people up in here", said Tyreese acidly.

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"I made this prosthetic myself", said Merle handily.

 

"I have applesauce", said Aaron sappily.

 

"It's just an owl sculpture", said Jessie craftily.

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“Because if you do, one morning you’d wake up and you won’t be in your bed. You’ll be outside the walls, far far away, tied to a tree, and you’ll scream and scream because you’ll be so afraid. No one will come to help because no one will hear you. But something will hear you. The monsters will come. The ones out there. And you won’t be able to run away when they come for you. And they will tear you apart and eat you up all while you’re still alive. All while you can still feel it. And then afterward, no one will even know what happened to you. … Or you can promise not to ever tell anyone what you saw here and then nothing will happen. And you’ll get cookies. Lots of cookies," said Carol sweetly.

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"My shirt is too small," said Abe tightly.

"Why can't women turn lights off?" asked Shane dimly.

"Let me out of this kennel," said the Wolf doggedly.

"It's true, Beth! Maggie and I just had drugstore sex," Glenn insisted.

"I don't want to live with you guys," Buttons naysayed.

"I should go work on my hair," mulled Eugene.

"Where's Carl?" asked Lori absently.

"Pliers? With no hands? You suck, Milton," said Andrea defeatedly.

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"I like to keep it smooth," Abraham said with "porpoise."

 

(yeah, I know they're not the same animal; it's a stretch)

 

"I'm not sure why the corn isn't growing," said Hershel, stumped.

Edited by morgankobi
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"I like to keep it smooth," Abraham said with "porpoise."

 

(yeah, I know they're not the same animal; it's a stretch)

 

"They're both hairless, ain't they?" Abe added slickly, his voice razor-edged.

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"Y'all are just jealous of my warbling," Beth sang.

"Blood is a great color," said a red-faced Rick.

"Walkers are my friends!", shouted Lizzie crazily.

"These people really stink," thought Judith childishly.

"I just can't get a leg up these days", said Bob, like the thought of it was eating him alive.

"Damn these pants are crazy tight," said Andrea with a shimmy-shake in her tone.

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"I could sure use a drink," Bob slurred.

"Everything you have is ours," Joe claimed.

"We will take this prison for ourselves," the Governor said, eying them with authority.

"I'm so hungry I could eat a worm," Daryl swallowed.

"Lori died giving birth to Shane's baby," Rick hacked out.

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"I'd like you to shave my ass," said Abraham gingerly.

"Ah don't want anything gettin' in mah way," said Maggie shortly.

"Morgan, let me handle these guys," said Carol clearly.

"I only want to work on my jail. And my koi pond," said Morgan selfishly.

Edited by CletusMusashi
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"What do mean you don't want a mustache ride?" bristled Abraham.

"I ain't eatin' no mud snake!" Beth hissed.

"Well it ain't a damn mud snake!" rattled Daryl.

"While Negan is making his speech, I'll sneak around and hit him with this prosciutto," said Olivia hamhandedly.

Maggie and Glenn got through the first part of the episode okay, butt barely.

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"We have to find a way around these guys to get Maggie to the doctor", Rick backtracked.

"I'll be your anchorman," Eugene stoically deadpanned.

"Put me down; you can walk me," Maggie wheezed.

"Get back here and kill me, you sissy!", said Carol, as her emotions bled into her voice.

"Bitch nuts", Abe cursed.

"Meet Lucille", laughed Negan, as he repeatedly hammered the point home.

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As well you should be.

"Glenn............ I don't feel like making out", said Maggie after a pregnant pause.

Edited by Nashville · Reason: Emphasis, dammit
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"So, where did you get your jacket, Negan? At the poop store? " Asked Abe with a shit eating grin.

"Go whack off in front of Eugene, you wanker", as Negan played whack a mole with Abe's noggin.   

"Ah gotta git  to thuh heeltop ta have muh babee.  This heyah Negan shit  is uh miscarriage of justice."  

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"I was bit on my right side, but I didn't see it coming", Carl said feverishly.

"I can't stop (killing Saviors).  I can't", said Morgan, making his point a few times.

"You what?  Want to fist me??", said a gutted Savior to a blood thirsty Morgan.

"You write your own story, Gavin", authored a captivated Ezekiel.

"He's not home", Carl's voice rose above the crowd.

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