Online Dating: Swiping Right Or Left?

[DkNNy79]

I promise I was planning on texting him tonight, but he beat me to the punch.  We're going to the movies on Saturday.

[JTMacc99]

...one of the best (and worst) things about online dating because there are 50 guys waiting to take his place.

Yep. We're pretty replaceable. 

[DkNNy79]

Yep. We're pretty replaceable. 

I don't think so.  :) Yes, online dating can offer a multitude of guys, but are they guys you are interested in?  I get so many OLD guys messaging me, its ridiculous.

 

Have a coffee date tonight.  He lives pretty close to me and is 5 years younger.  Was in the military, now going to school and works 2 part-time jobs.

Edited November 18, 2015 by DkNNy79

[aradia22]

Guy #5 had a work thing and can't meet tonight. I'm a little disappointed as I liked him but hopefully we can reschedule and I might just go see the show myself.

 

Yep. We're pretty replaceable.

I don't think guys are disposable or replaceable but for a first date you can find plenty of guys you can get along with and have a little chemistry with as long as your standards aren't unreasonable. I'm not saying all of the 50 guys are worth pursuing a relationship with but chances are you'll like at least one of them as much as a guy you went on one date with.

[DkNNy79]

Aradia22 - any second dates planned with bachelor #1 and bachelor #2?

 

So my coffee date w/younger guy yesterday:  He is kinda like the opposite of older guy.  Older guy is tall and has a "doughy" build.  Younger guy is shorter and is muscular.  I'm not sure if it was because of nerves, but there were times where he would look away or off to the side.  He's kinda building his life back up.  He was quite a bit of a party animal back in the day.  After the military he lived in Romania for a year, volunteering in exchange for room and board.  He's getting his bachelor's degree online and wants to become a social worker.  He was affectionate and was holding my hand towards the end of the night.  The conversation in this date didn't flow as well as my other date.  He texted me after the date and we're going to try and go out again.

 

So, there are both pros and cons to both guys and I don't have a clear cut favorite.  Hopefully, going on second dates will help.

[DeLurker]

Is "social worker" a requirement in your profile?

;<)

[DkNNy79]

Is "social worker" a requirement in your profile?

;<)

Its so weird.  What are the odds?

[possibilities]

I think it's very sensible to need at least a second date to decide. Unless someone is just horrifying, I think making a judgment about them after only 1 date is kind of nuts. Sometimes it takes a while to get past nervousness, or get to the real appeal of a person. I've had situations where someone was just kind of neutral to me and then all of a sudden something shifts and I see a whole other dimension and am all in. Or, in the opposite way, I might feel some spark with someone and then when I get to know a little more, that dies off because I find other elements to their personality which counteract it.

 

Of my 2 best relationships, one started with an instant KNOWING (which was awesome), and the other was with someone I really didn't have much interest in at all for quite a while but I kind of hung in because... I dunno... she wasn't offensive, just kind of blah for me, and then one day I felt myself fall in love with her, like it took some time to bake or something. I'm really glad I stuck it out with the slow build one, because it was well worth the time it took to take off. And though the INSTANT connection I had with the other woman was truly fabulous and enduring, I have also had some encounters with others that started with a bang and died off pretty resoundingly after not much time at all. The immediate connection is great when it's real, but don't discount the possibility that it's based on illusion, and don't discount the potential for a slow build with someone who doesn't spark you right away, either.

 

Unless we're talking one night stand, in which case instant flammability is probably essential.

[ZaldamoWilder]

because you view it as a gesture of intimacy that hasn't had a chance to build yet on a first date?

 

everybody has their *thing* I didn't use to kiss on the first date, using the same Pretty Woman logic lol.

[aradia22]

 

Aradia22 - any second dates planned with bachelor #1 and bachelor #2?

I doubt I will hear from Bachelor #1 again. Bachelor #2 has my number and wants to go out again but he's on ice until after the holiday. From there, I forgot how I numbered. But I'm still in contact with the two of the guys who had to cancel and we're sort of planning stuff. And then I have dates Friday and Saturday. The Friday guy has been set for a while and Saturday was the one who asked to move from last Saturday. We're not really doing anything. We're just going to meet up (which is not my favorite thing to do) but hopefully I'll like them. They seem nice so far over messaging/texts. I don't even know what's going on with all the other guys I'm talking to. As you can see, I go for ruthless efficiency. The more attempts you make, the more chances you have of hitting the target.

 

I'm not sure if it was because of nerves, but there were times where he would look away or off to the side.

I wouldn't read too much into this because I'm not big on constant eye contact either. I'm a human. I will make eye contact when talking to someone. But I don't want to be constantly staring into someone's eyes, especially on a first date. Of course, if I haven't mentioned it, my dates tend to be really long for some reason so constantly maintaining eye contact is also just difficult and tiring.

 

everybody has their *thing* I didn't use to kiss on the first date, using the same Pretty Woman logic lol.

When I first started going out with people, I didn't kiss guys because I hadn't really kissed anyone and also,you know, you don't who has herpes. But the nice thing I've noticed from hanging back is that guys don't really just go for the kiss. They'll go for a hug or kiss you on the cheek or ask (which is fantastic!) or build up to a kiss after a couple of dates. 

[DkNNy79]

Okay, so my weekend is booked.  Movie and dinner with older guy on Saturday.  Bowling with younger guy on Sunday.

 

I'm hoping there is a clear favorite by the end of the weekend.  I don't like dating multiple people at the same time.  It makes me feel guilty, even though I know I shouldn't be.

 

Regarding the hand holding.  I was a little taken back, I'm not a big fan of PDA.  We were sitting across from each other and he just held my hand while we were talking.

[aradia22]

Oh my God, you guys. OH MY GOD. I just got back home. The date was 3 hours. A lot more walking than I wanted it to be, especially in heels but definitely memorable.

 

It's fine that I lost count of my suitors because this one definitely has a nickname. Mr. Makeout. Yeah, we're going there. Mr. Makeout and I met very casually at a landmark and planned to walk through the park. He's one year older than I am. He was dressed very casually but I was immediately struck by how attractive he is. Not long after we got in, he spotted a large rock formation he wanted to climb. I'll admit I was kind of in "cool girl" mode trying to be agreeable and game for anything. It was a little awkward but I made it up and down with his help. He gave me his hand a lot to help me up and down. This started the physical connection. We talked a lot as we walked, I won't tell you about what... nothing too deep but not entirely small talk either. I think we get along but I'm not sure how much we have in common. We didn't go very deep. We stopped at benches once or twice because I just had to have a break from the heels. He sat very close to me (like almost uncomfortably close) and put his arm around me. Then as we walked around we got on the subject of the weather and he mentioned his hands were cold so we held hands for a while. Again, not a fan of all the walking that was involved but we didn't find a good place to stop and sit. We went back towards the park and found another bench... and then he kissed me. Like, full on, open-mouthed. Yeah. As I mentioned, I like waiting if I can, and I think it's cute when guys ask or go a little slow, kind of waiting to see how you'll respond. I pulled away before it got into a full on make out and he didn't push. We started walking again, stopping here and there. There were a lot more kisses. Like, it was almost a little ridiculous how many times he kissed me/tried to kiss me. I lost count. I think the actual kisses might number around 10. Or more! Once he got the first one, he was just going for it. And he also grabbed my ass a couple of times. I'm me and also sane and practical so I tried to make sure I was always in a relatively public place with people around that was reasonably well lit and I didn't let any kiss last too long but.. yeah, it was hot. Like, A LOT for a first date but yeah, he's a cute boy and good kisser. I have no idea where this is going to go because I'm not going to sleep with him but I would totally see him again. Oh, God. I think I'm still a little dazed.

Edited November 21, 2015 by aradia22

[KnoxForPres]

Sorry- duplicate

Edited November 21, 2015 by KnoxForPres

[KnoxForPres]

Haha- so the date was slight climbing, walking, and kissing? Rinse and repeat but one climb?

He sounds...energetic. Aren't you in NYC? No place you could find? Well...he sounds hot and making out with a hot guy is never a bad thing. Ever.

You guys and your filled calendars have kind of made me want to online date. Like I wish I had walked a city with a hottie! Just enjoy. I've been doing traditional and feel like I meet weird, weirder and weirdest. Just give me a good looking, not crazy guy and I'm golden!

But I digress- had a hard week with men and am insanely jealous and want more of your stories!

[aradia22]

 

He sounds...energetic. Aren't you in NYC? No place you could find? Well...he sounds hot and making out with a hot guy is never a bad thing. Ever.

Yeah, that's one way of describing it. It wasn't like we had off the charts chemistry or were talking about something particularly romantic. He just suddenly got very motivated to keep kissing me. And we walked a lot. Like, over 40 blocks. Uptown is a little weird. We were in an area that mainly consisted of big designer clothing stores. I don't know what he expects from me now and how to slow it down from here. I do like him and I'm not opposed to kissing him again. I just don't want that to be all we do. And yeah, still not in love with PDA. The people around us definitely noticed. The little old ladies on the subway platform did not approve.

[aradia22]

So it was a little strange in the moment but now I can't stop thinking about Mr. Makeout. He was responsible for a pretty sleepless night and now I still find my thoughts wandering to him during my downtime at work. Which is a problem because I have another first date tonight. 

[KnoxForPres]

So it was a little strange in the moment but now I can't stop thinking about Mr. Makeout. He was responsible for a pretty sleepless night and now I still find my thoughts wandering to him during my downtime at work. Which is a problem because I have another first date tonight.

Yep- good looking kissers make me giddy too. Like songs sound better, sun shines better- the whole enchilada. I wouldn't worry about slowing it down, I bet your second date is more traditional.

I generally wear about a 4" heel on dates and really want to know how high yours were. Bc walking great distance in heels is difficult!

Just enjoy tonight.

Do you repeat date outfits or always different? I have probably five things that I know are definite winners. I'd then have to start buying things I think to keep up. I've got a large closet but I consider 10% or so to be "I like this guy and want to look good" worthy. I ask really important questions, I know.

Meaning do you wear same outfit with #1 that you did #4. Once we get comfortable we get to wear our real clothes....or maybe that's just me! I don't always wear a one shouldered beige top that I know looks hot, haha!

Edited November 21, 2015 by KnoxForPres

[aradia22]

I don't remember exactly but I think they're 2.5-3" heels. But they're high-heeled boots so it's not as bad. My regular heels are much shorter and I can still only make it about 10 blocks before I absolutely have to quit. 

 

I don't have "date" outfits. That is, I don't have a LBD I wear on every first date. If I can, I don't wear the same outfit on a first date. Thinking back, I haven't worn the same thing with any of the guys I've been out with on okc. But inevitably you do have to wear the same thing if you date someone for a while because normal people only have so many outfits. Hey, if it's good enough for Kate Middleton...

[aradia22]

New guy tonight. Let's call him Mr. Speaks When Spoken To. He was 2 years younger than I am and tall and reasonably attractive. He wasn't dressed sharply or in a slovenly way. Just casual and practical in a sweater and jeans. We met at a Best Buy because I need a new laptop. That was awkward and unproductive. We left very quickly to find a place to eat. He chose a bar/restaurant that served Mexican food. We made small talk with me leading the charge and asking the questions and driving the conversation. There was a bit of awkwardness as I needed time to think of questions and pretty early on I could sense it wasn't a match. I did break eye contact a lot and look off. The food was OK. I don't think we had a single thing in common and the restaurant was a little loud for conversation anyway. Then I thought I was going to walk him back to his car but after a few blocks I decided to not go too far out of my way. He went for the kiss. I let it happen. After Mr. Makeout, one quick open-mouthed kiss does not feel like a big deal. Then I went off to catch the bus. Before I got halfway down the block he called me asking if I wanted a ride. I said I was fine. I probably won't see him again. I need more give and take. Leading the conversation all the time is exhausting.

 

Edited to add that he texted me later that night saying he'd had a good time and looked forward to seeing me again, preferably somewhere quieter.

 

Edited to add that he texted me "Did I do something wrong?" this afternoon which is just all the awkwardness. I'm not sure how to reply or if I should.

Edited November 22, 2015 by aradia22

[aradia22]

I'm set to go out with Mr. Makeout in more than a week, after Thanksgiving. A little more than 10 days. It feels so far away.

[KnoxForPres]

But.....a second date! Yay!

I know I shouldn't post here bc I do the non online dating but I just got home from such a damn good time. Went out with a guy and had some dollar drafts and pizza and man- we laughed til my stomach hurt. Just such a good time. Love that feeling.

[aradia22]

Glad you had a good time Knox.

 

To update, a friend advised me to text back Mr. Speaks When Spoken To and let him down easy instead of ignoring him like I wanted to. He sent back a not impolite but slightly argumentative text about making it work even if we don't have anything in common. I think I let him down too easy. This feels like the right time to start ignoring him. And this is just one of the reasons I hate giving people my number.

[DeLurker]

aradia22 - I was weighing a potential post advising you to give Mr SWST a second date just because we don't all come across our best on the initial one*.  But after ^^?  I'm thinking that anyone using "make it work" after one date should be in the One & Done category.

 

*  Which is odd advise coming from the person who was very quick to put someone in the One & Done.

[ZaldamoWilder]

I was gonna weigh in with, whether you give him another chance or not, don't ignore him.  An honest brief response allows most self respecting people to maintain their dignity and still go away quietly.  It only sounds needy to you because you already know in your mind you're done with him. 

 

Real short - any one of these: 

 

There was a bit of awkwardness as I needed time to think of questions and pretty early on I could sense it wasn't a match.

 

I don't think we had a single thing in common

 

I need more give and take. Leading the conversation all the time is exhausting.

 

or better yet, something he can't argue with: I started seeing someone I'm more interested in.   Sorry if I sound lecturey, it's the vague blow off that keeps people hanging on, the truth is faster and hurts less.

[JTMacc99]

I need more give and take. Leading the conversation all the time is exhausting.

I like reading the things here for a few reasons other than I have actual experience with online dating and might have something useful to add.  In this case, you've given me a reason to think about myself and how I measure up.

 

Interestingly, I had to lead A LOT of life, with a very large amount of strange and often shitty things coming my way before I developed good conversational skills. 

 

My mind always had a thousand and one things rumbling through it, but God knows which one I was liable to throw out there. 

 

I think the difference between me now and then is not that I'm any less interested in what the other person is saying, but rather that I'm much more likely to understand what is being said.  These days I can listen to a story and have a shot at actually understanding the series of emotions that are connected to it, which in turn makes it a heck of a lot easier to ask a relevant question (which conveys that I'm listening.)  

 

And I guess I would judge a person I had to lead through every conversation the same way. We're probably not on the same page at this point in our lives.

 

I was always listening, but now I am equipped with understanding.  Makes conversation much easier; it's just too bad I can't put this skill back into 27 year old me. Well that, and the wealth of knowledge I've accumulated on everything that assures me that I can answer pretty much every $200 question on Jeopardy regardless of the topic.

Edited November 23, 2015 by JTMacc99

[DkNNy79]

Okay, so after going out on 2nd dates with both guys over the weekend, I definitely like older guy more.  The conversation with the younger guy is just sorely lacking and thinking it through we just don't have that much in common.  Plus I think we're both in different stages of our lives at this point.

 

Knox - very happy for you!  Where did you meet your guy?

[aradia22]

 

or better yet, something he can't argue with: I started seeing someone I'm more interested in.   Sorry if I sound lecturey, it's the vague blow off that keeps people hanging on, the truth is faster and hurts less.

I feel like I told him the truth and he didn't feel like listening. I told him we were in different places and didn't have anything in common. Personally, I never want to use the "other guy" as an excuse. I don't think a man is obligated to your time unless another man has some kind of "claim" on you. 

 

DkNNy79, it's funny how we're both feeling this way about the younger guys we've gone out with. 

[ZaldamoWilder]

Oh ok, gotcha.  I think I read that wrong.  I was thinking you were still mulling whether and how to respond.    We don't have anything in common is enough to take the L and keep it moving.  I'm not paying attention so, now feel free ignore me ;)

 

No, you guys don't like the there's somebody else?  I love that one - I mean, what's the opposing argument? lol.

[KnoxForPres]

Okay, so after going out on 2nd dates with both guys over the weekend, I definitely like older guy more. The conversation with the younger guy is just sorely lacking and thinking it through we just don't have that much in common. Plus I think we're both in different stages of our lives at this point.

Knox - very happy for you! Where did you meet your guy?

I'm glad you're still liking older! That's great!

I knew him years ago and we ran into each other recently. He got my number and texted a bit and we went out. It was so fun I think we are doing it next Sunday too.

I think when conversation is forced or difficult it is nearly impossible to overcome. And I don't think it has to do with introvert/extrovert.

There are people I've met where within minutes we are laughing, making eye contact and it just flows. Recently this happened to me and I was really surprised when the guy told me he doesn't often click with people (further down the road reveal). This surprised me because I found him so clickable!

I think when we meet "our people" we just know. Both sexes. A girl joined my team at work, we chatted and just hit it off from there. I consider her a good friend in a matter of months. I've worked with others for years that I know no matter how many times we met for coffee- it's not happening.

Every relationship I've had started from an instant like. And I've had way more relationships than the good lord intended. I know that isn't always the case, but in the Mr only talks when spoken to- put a fork in it for me too. Dead in the water.

But....I'm guilty of implementing the ignore method way too often. To me- sending a text if you're not the one isn't my cup of tea. Admit fully I'm too old for that mentality and don't use if more than one date. But no spark, yeah- I'm going ignore after date one.

[aradia22]

 

I think when we meet "our people" we just know. Both sexes. A girl joined my team at work, we chatted and just hit it off from there. I consider her a good friend in a matter of months. I've worked with others for years that I know no matter how many times we met for coffee- it's not happening.

Not to get sidetracked but I totally agree. It's funny how that happens. The way I see it, I can get along with most people because I do have that take charge (slightly bossy) side of my personality. I can keep a conversation going. I can keep coming up with topics and entertaining stories. But you know when you genuinely click with someone. A few months after we met, I already considered this guy I met randomly (he's gay, not that it matters) to be one of my best friends. I don't mind doing a lot of talking. I feel like in a good relationship you want to tell each other things about your life and the way you see the world and the things you love. But if I start feeling like it's my job to entertain you, then I bail. I think there's a gendered aspect to it too since guys often want to pay for things. I am neither an escort nor a therapist.

[aradia22]

Mr. Speaks When Spoken To texted again. And there's basically no way to block it on my old Android. Without an app I can only block calls, not texts. And they wonder why I don't want to give them my phone number.

[KnoxForPres]

Mr. Speaks When Spoken To texted again. And there's basically no way to block it on my old Android. Without an app I can only block calls, not texts. And they wonder why I don't want to give them my phone number.

Well- give the goods- what did he say? And I'd just ignore. Any response will be interpreted as interest.

And funny he finds his voice via text, lol!

[DkNNy79]

Yes, enquiring minds want to know.  Ditto on ignoring him.  No point going back and forth with him.

 

So, I let younger guy know I wasn't interested in seeing him anymore and he took it pretty well.  So, I'm just focusing on older guy for now. 

[aradia22]

 

Well- give the goods- what did he say? And I'd just ignore. Any response will be interpreted as interest.

I deleted it after I saw it. And then spent 30 minutes googling to be absolutely certain that my stupid Android can't block texts. (Seriously, it's the worst. And it's constantly downloading apps I can't get rid of. SoundHound? Why?) It was a follow up on the last text about Yin and Yang and not having things in common. I think it went something like 'I'm open to different experiences. Do you get that?' I'm paraphrasing.

[aradia22]

So I realized I've only been mentioning bachelors I've gone on dates with and not the ones I've been talking to on okc's messenger or over text (because at some point you have to give in and let someone have your phone number). Two I would like to spotlight are Mr. Banter and Mr. Good Morning. I'm still talking to Mr. Banter on okc. We've been talking for a while because I got sick the first week or two I was signed up for okc and since then he's always been too late in trying to plan a date. He got my attention immediately because he seemed clever and actually tried to flirt with me. He picked up on a show I like from my profile and didn't just compliment my physical appearance. He does message a lot though which is part of the reason I'm hesitant to give him my number, but at least he's persistent.

 

I chatted with Mr. Good Morning for a while on the app before I let him have my number. He seems very nice and friendly but we haven't really been talking about much recently (partially because I don't like texting so I'm less likely to have conversations about anything beyond small talk over text). But since 11/19 every day starts off with a text from him that's a variation of "Good morning," "Good morning beautiful," or "Hi beautiful." I did like him more when we were chatting on the app so I would go out with him but this strikes me as a little bit disingenuous.

[DkNNy79]

So I realized I've only been mentioning bachelors I've gone on dates with and not the ones I've been talking to on okc's messenger or over text (because at some point you have to give in and let someone have your phone number). Two I would like to spotlight are Mr. Banter and Mr. Good Morning. I'm still talking to Mr. Banter on okc. We've been talking for a while because I got sick the first week or two I was signed up for okc and since then he's always been too late in trying to plan a date. He got my attention immediately because he seemed clever and actually tried to flirt with me. He picked up on a show I like from my profile and didn't just compliment my physical appearance. He does message a lot though which is part of the reason I'm hesitant to give him my number, but at least he's persistent.

 

I chatted with Mr. Good Morning for a while on the app before I let him have my number. He seems very nice and friendly but we haven't really been talking about much recently (partially because I don't like texting so I'm less likely to have conversations about anything beyond small talk over text). But since 11/19 every day starts off with a text from him that's a variation of "Good morning," "Good morning beautiful," or "Hi beautiful." I did like him more when we were chatting on the app so I would go out with him but this strikes me as a little bit disingenuous.

How long have you been communicating with Mr. Banter?  Still no date on the horizon?  I love clever and witty guys. 

 

Mr. Good Morning.  It does seem a bit much to start off the day that way especially when you haven't even gone out yet?

[aradia22]

 

How long have you been communicating with Mr. Banter?  Still no date on the horizon?  I love clever and witty guys.

Almost a month now. Not that I would be very eager to make last minute plans (a day or two in advance) anyway but I've always had something booked (either a date or something on my own) going on when he's asked. He's also 2 years younger than I am and sometimes I wonder about his maturity.

[KnoxForPres]

While the sentiment is nice of Mr. Goodmorning, it's the repetition that would get to me. Out of the blue is like "hey- nice!" Every morning is "sheesh!"

I actually think it can work in a true relationship but in the courting stage, if you will, it just doesn't have the desired effect.

I dated a very nice guy once who like clockwork around 5 or 6 I'd get the text "Hey! How are you?" Answering that began to feel like a chore- you can only say fine, well, pretty good so many ways! And that question did nothing to promote communication.

All that to say when you don't yet have a rapport with someone generic texts are tough. It's stagnant- you can only say good morning to you too back so many times before you say "for fucks sake can you text, Good Morning! Get a load of what I saw coming to work...."

[aradia22]

I've been ignoring Mr. Speaks When Spoken To. The good news is he hasn't texted back which I'm hoping means that he hasn't realized that I can't block his texts and just assumes that I have.

 

Mr. Good Morning is... still going.

[aradia22]

Oh, I almost forgot. Around Thanksgiving I got a very special message. Usually the awful ones don't make it past the filter but sometimes I get some gems. My favorite one is still the same but it's NSFW. This new one asked if I was Korean and followed up by saying I look like a Korean model. Obviously with bad spelling/grammar. I don't... is that even a pick up line?

[KnoxForPres]

Sadly, I do believe that was the intent, yes.

Isn't the good kisser date coming up soon?

Dknny79- how's it going with your guy? Get to see each other over the holiday?

Edited November 30, 2015 by KnoxForPres

[DkNNy79]

Sadly, I do believe that was the intent, yes.

Isn't the good kisser date coming up soon?

Dknny79- how's it going with your guy? Get to see each other over the holiday?

Things are still going well with my guy.  I saw him the night before Thanksgiving and this past Saturday as well.  He came over to my place both times, which motivated me to clean my place.  I told you that he was a 1st year medical resident.  He wants to be a psychiatrist.  For some reason I didn't know they had to go to medical school for that.  So, I wonder if everything I say gets psychoanalyzed. ;)

 

Knox - have you seen your guy again?

[aradia22]

 

Isn't the good kisser date coming up soon?

Seeing him tomorrow night.

[KnoxForPres]

Things are still going well with my guy. I saw him the night before Thanksgiving and this past Saturday as well. He came over to my place both times, which motivated me to clean my place. I told you that he was a 1st year medical resident. He wants to be a psychiatrist. For some reason I didn't know they had to go to medical school for that. So, I wonder if everything I say gets psychoanalyzed. ;)

Knox - have you seen your guy again?

Haha- yeah Psychiatrists are MDs so they do all the med school stuff. Great future!

And I'm pretty sure he's not psychianalyzing you ;). Really glad you're continuing to enjoy your time with him.

Company coming is indeed the greatest cleaning motivation ever! So win- win!

Yeah we did the cheap beer and pizza again Sunday. I don't think he's the great love of my life, but our time together is fun and enjoy that aspect.

May I be so bold to ask if your birth year is 79? Mine is which is why the curiosity. I've not ever been married or had kids, if that's your year too- have you? I've never hated singlehood or had a desire for kids so that isn't as bleak as it may sound- ar least to me. Though I do hope one day to get married.

And whoo hoo for Mr Kiss A Lots tomorrow! Wear sensible shoes and no garlic at dinner (kidding!). Can't wait to hear about date #2!

Edited December 1, 2015 by KnoxForPres

[DeLurker]

And whoo hoo for Mr Kiss A Lots tomorrow! Wear sensible shoes and no garlic at dinner (kidding!). Can't wait to hear about date #2!

And easy access clothes?  :<)

[DkNNy79]

May I be so bold to ask if your birth year is 79? Mine is which is why the curiosity. I've not ever been married or had kids, if that's your year too- have you? I've never hated singlehood or had a desire for kids so that isn't as bleak as it may sound- ar least to me. Though I do hope one day to get married.

My birth year is actually 1980.  When we came to the US, my mom messed up my paperwork and put 1979 down.  I've never been married or had kids either.  I hate singlehood and have always wanted a big family.  So that's where we differ.  At this point, I'm hoping I have a least 1 kid before I turn 40.  If I had the money I would totally adopt on my own.

 

I'm glad you're enjoying your guy even though he's not the love of your life.  You never know what might develop.

 

Aradia - good luck on your date and I can't wait to hear all about it.

[aradia22]

 

And whoo hoo for Mr Kiss A Lots tomorrow! Wear sensible shoes and no garlic at dinner (kidding!). Can't wait to hear about date #2!

 

And easy access clothes?  :<)

 

Oooh, you guys are bad. But not completely off the mark. I wore the same boots because it's rainy here and I was not going to wear real heels or sneakers. It was fine though. I didn't have nearly as far to walk. We went to see a show. I love theatre and guys tend to want to pay so why not do something I like, right? Anyway, the show didn't start until 8 and the doors didn't open until 7:30/7:40. But he wanted to meet at 7:15 and we actually both arrived closer to 7. Why all this preamble? Well... let's just say he lived up to his nickname. I tried my best to engage him in small talk and to just get him to talk to me but he was definitely a lot more interested in making out as often as possible. He also does this thing sometimes. I noticed it during date 1. He doesn't do it all the time but sometimes I say something and he doesn't build on that. It basically feels like he ignores what I just said and goes back to something he was talking about before. He doesn't do it a lot but you know, it's weird and rude even some of the time. It was very cold here last night and I've already transitioned to my heavy down coat. The coat actually ended up being quite warm tonight, especially in a heated lobby. This was my excuse every time the makeouts got to be too much and I wanted to take a break. I'll also admit that I was not the best date and would sometimes close my eyes or look off (just in the lobby) and pretend I was feeling a little faint. In my defense he had his hands all over me under my coat and had his face super close to mine (like uncomfortable to look up at him) and he was clearly just waiting for the next time he could pounce. So I had to do something. That said, I like making out with him. He's pretty good at it and yeah, it feels good. I feel like I'm getting what I want out of this right now but I'm not seeing a longterm relationship here. We get along well enough but as I think I've said before, I can pretty much get along with almost anyone if I want to put in the effort. I'm charming af. ;) I did initiate the makeout at intermission but on the way home I was not having his attempts to kiss me on street corners. Enough already. That said, I had a great time at the show and I enjoyed making out with him again though I still think he needs to turn it down another few notches.

 

So there's something I haven't mentioned yet in my date recap. There were two times he crossed the line. Not in a violent way or anything like that. Don't worry. And I put a stop to it the two times it happened and he backed down. It was in a... do you know how normal adults behave in public, especially on a second date kind of way. I don't know how graphic I want to be on a public forum (I'll probably tell you if you message me) but let's just say his hands and mouth wandered past the boundaries two times.

[ZaldamoWilder]

See I think enough already is a perfectly reasonable thing to say to somebody you've only gone out with twice.   Especially if you want to keep seeing him.  Maybe not that blunt but something close.  I'm attracted to you and if you're attracted to me, I'm gonna need you to demonstrate that you actually heard what I said and pretend it interests you at least as much as my tonsils do.  

 

*Wandered past the boundaries* is too innocuous sounding for whatever made you uncomfortable enough to mention.  Forgive the analogy, but he's the athlete, you're the referee, when he's out of bounds, it's not that he doesn't know it, it's that he's gonna try and get as far as you'll allow before blowing the whistle.  Blow the whistle.  If you're comfortable enough to kiss him for a good portion of your time together, you should be comfortable enough to tell him what isn't comfortable for you.   The question remaining is are you willing to risk that his reaction could end the fun times ya'll are having? 

 

How's Mr. Good Morning? lol.

[aradia22]

 

How's Mr. Good Morning? lol.

My last good morning was Sunday. Then I got a "How ya doing" Monday. And then... silence.

[aradia22]

 

The question remaining is are you willing to risk that his reaction could end the fun times ya'll are having?

Well, given that I don't see this going past another date or two at this point, yeah, I'd be fine with that. At the end of this date, he was very eager to set up date #3 (like, VERY eager) but I put him off while we were together saying I needed to look at my calendar. I texted him when I got home that I'd be busy until Friday... so he wants to see me Friday. I haven't replied yet.

 

I will mention that while we were watching the show he would also put his hand on my knee or try to hold my hand which was OK for a show like this but would have been distracting for a show I hadn't seen before or that was more serious. I feel like he wanted to be distracting too. He would run his thumb over my fingers or the back of my hand. It felt like he wanted attention.