Family Ties: The Good, The Bad And The Ugly

[shapeshifter]

Since this thread title includes "the good," I thought I'd share something from the sunny side of the street for a change:

My middle daughter (age 41 and still struggling with debt, unemployment, a recent mugging {but she got her phone back?!?}, a very recent hospitalization with MRSA, etc., etc.) did get into graduate school, and texted me 2 days ago to ask if she could interview me for an assignment.
I was happy to do it (and to hear from her).
Of course, she wound up calling me just a few hours before the completed assignment needed to be uploaded, including a transcript, and she didn't have a functioning audio recording app. 
But I was able to record it and quickly send her the file after we were done with the 30-minute interview, and she did a great job with it (she sent me the edited interview text file). I'm sure it will be one of the best in her class (of course; Mom here) and it will also be a keepsake for all 3 of my daughters and 2 grandsons when I'm gone (I still have the recording on my laptop).
It was about my personal history as an artist (50+ years) and what I thought of a particular work by another artist (we chose one of Monet's haystack paintings because we were pretty sure we'd seen it together in 2007 by looking at old photo files of us together and which of Monet's works were at the Met when I was visiting her at that time).

Sorry if this is too much detail and too boring, but at least the positive mostly outweighs the negative without my pretending things are better than they are.

[PRgal]

My son went to a birthday party at an arcade yesterday.  He had a good time playing, but said the pizza was cold.  Today, just now, my husband ordered a pizza for lunch.  And today, I learned my son liked pineapple on pizza that's NOT a Hawaiian.  His pizza had the following:  beef, mushrooms, bacon and pineapple (with cheddar and feta in addition to the mozzarella..).  I don't eat meat before dinner, so I picked the bacon and beef off, but I have to admit that I kind of liked it!! 

[shapeshifter]

I know this is probably supposed to be making a political statement, but it perfectly describes the way my 2-years-older sister always played board games with me:

[PRgal]

You know how my dad is completely against my husband and I putting our son in "risky" sports?  Well, we were pleasantly surprised that he was totally game on signing him up for rock climbing!  Though we're probably going to wait until the spring, summer or even next fall.  The indoor climbing facility near us has a minimum age requirement of six and the little one JUST turned six.  He's also small for his age.  We're thinking of sending him to a one day workshop/camp just for him to try it out before thinking about week long day camps.  Now why would he be okay with rock climbing but not so much on skating?  Because of the hockey factor?  Not all boys (or girls) even WANT to play hockey.

[Mountainair]

I don’t consider rock climbing risky at all. I know mileage may vary but generally you are attached to a pulley system especially with indoor rock climbing. It’s not like you are going to fall and injure yourself unless you are doing free range mountain climbing. 

I had the hardest time getting my son’s cardiologist to clear him for skating and playing non contact hockey. He finally gave me the a-ok but suggested many other sports options including rock climbing. 

[Caoimhe]

There is an extended family Thanksgiving dinner being planned. Cousins mentioned they were invited and looking forward to going which is good. We are invited to my late brother’s wife for dinner (she declined an invite to the big dinner for herself and partner) which is very kind and I look forward to. I (wrongly?) assumed if she had accepted then we might also have been invited to the big dinner. But then cousins said “yes and late brother’s wife and partner are joining us later for dessert”. Okay, I know they are close to the host and invited to a LOT of events at their home so this doesn’t surprise me.  What really hurts is why did we not get an invitation to come later for dessert too? I don’t mind if we eat early so they can be on time for their later invitation but I’m the ONLY other cousin with no family left yet I feel like I’m not welcome there.

No one has given any indication why they hate me or don’t want to include me (and politically the cousins who are invited are on the opposite side of the hosts and ourselves so it’s not that). It’s not a numbers issue because they have huge gatherings all the time. Which leads me to believe it’s a “me” issue after all and I must learn to be content with our solitary existence. My very lovely in-laws  are in another country that doesn’t have Thanksgiving.

(Sorry for the saga but as I have no friends I had to get it out somewhere!)

[shapeshifter]

33 minutes ago, Caoimhe said:

There is an extended family Thanksgiving dinner being planned. Cousins mentioned they were invited and looking forward to going which is good. We are invited to my late brother’s wife for dinner (she declined an invite to the big dinner for herself and partner) which is very kind and I look forward to. I (wrongly?) assumed if she had accepted then we might also have been invited to the big dinner. But then cousins said “yes and late brother’s wife and partner are joining us later for dessert”. Okay, I know they are close to the host and invited to a LOT of events at their home so this doesn’t surprise me.  What really hurts is why did we not get an invitation to come later for dessert too? I don’t mind if we eat early so they can be on time for their later invitation but I’m the ONLY other cousin with no family left yet I feel like I’m not welcome there.

No one has given any indication why they hate me or don’t want to include me (and politically the cousins who are invited are on the opposite side of the hosts and ourselves so it’s not that). It’s not a numbers issue because they have huge gatherings all the time. Which leads me to believe it’s a “me” issue after all and I must learn to be content with our solitary existence. My very lovely in-laws  are in another country that doesn’t have Thanksgiving.

(Sorry for the saga but as I have no friends I had to get it out somewhere!)

Any chance it was just an oversight?
 

[Caoimhe]

3 hours ago, shapeshifter said:

Any chance it was just an oversight?

I really want to think the missing dinner invite was after they knew we were invited elsewhere and had already accepted.  What bothers me most is no text saying “they’re coming over later Thursday for dessert why don’t you come along too” or even my sister in law saying “we’re going over later after dinner you’re welcome to join us”. I’m socially inept so I should look at this in a positive way, there will be many strangers as I’ve only ever met two of my cousins’ (host family and siblings) children and there are a dozen between them all.

The virtual hugs help.  

Edited Tuesday at 07:58 PM by Caoimhe
Left out a word

[Bastet]

1 hour ago, Caoimhe said:

What bothers me most is no text saying “they’re coming over later Thursday for dessert why don’t you come along too” or even my sister in law saying “we’re going over later after dinner you’re welcome to join us”.

I can't imagine anyone that wouldn't bother; it's just common courtesy.  So it obviously follows that you're hurt by it.  It just plain stinks, and I'm sorry that's happened to you.  I hope you have a good time at the dinner, and, as you said, think about how overwhelming going to the dessert would have been with all those strangers, including children, and enjoy the post-dinner quiet instead.

[Mindthinkr]

@Caoimhe Are you living in my skin because this closely reminds me of my own family. My family has never included me at any holidays since my Mother died. I will be spending Thanksgiving alone…well with my cat. Frankly I’m somewhat used to it. I can remember my parents driving 16 hours to spend Christmas with my brother and leaving 15 year old me at home alone. Hugs 🧸

[Absolom]

I rather have the opposite problem. I'm possibly going to be the battleground this Thanksgiving.  Everyone wants mom/grandma at dinner.  In-laws seem to wish to continue being selfish and not comprehending most married couples alternate years. ::big sigh::

[Caoimhe]

8 hours ago, Mindthinkr said:

@Caoimhe Are you living in my skin because this closely reminds me of my own family. My family has never included me at any holidays since my Mother died. I will be spending Thanksgiving alone…well with my cat. Frankly I’m somewhat used to it. I can remember my parents driving 16 hours to spend Christmas with my brother and leaving 15 year old me at home alone. Hugs 🧸

I am SO sorry, I can’t even imagine the pain of being left behind for any holiday at such a young age. While my parents and siblings were alive holidays were good, maybe this is the a consequence of being “last one standing”. My brother who died most recently hosted us for all the holidays and his wife is continuing to include us, only she and her new partner have been “adopted” into the cousins’ family so they get invited to everything and I need to stop letting that hurt me.  

I really hate that for so many people the holidays are painful and difficult whether it’s being left out or being pulled in too many directions. If only I could hibernate and avoid Thanksgiving / Christmas *AND* Winter!

[Browncoat]

This will be my first Thanksgiving without either of my parents, and so without any family.  I will be in New Zealand, having lunch with the Hobbits.

I'll be back home before Christmas, though, and that's going to be rough.