S01.E08: Selfie 2.0

[ottoDbusdriver]

Episode Description:

 

Some young women are abducted but their social media pages continue to be updated. Meanwhile, Ryan helps Trish McCarthy cope with the death of her sister, who was Ryan's former psych patient.

Edited April 23, 2015 by ottoDbusdriver

[ottoDbusdriver]

Beware -- someone on the Internet will kidnap you based on your dating profile, imprison you while keeping your social media sites active before they kill you and everyone you love.

 

No one gives a shit about Trish McCarthy who is apparently the crazed sister the Danielle McCarthy (Avery's patient that was killed after her computer was hacked).  You could tell she was crazy because they literally put her in a padded cell.  Crazy ass Trish committed several crimes on her dead sister's grave, apparently trying to dig up her corpse.  But the whole sub-plot was basically filler.  The weird part was how close Avery was to her former patient (now deceased) while she was a patient -- saying she loved her, was buying her gifts for her unborn child.  Sounds a little unprofessional.  I think the whole "Trish McCarthy subplot" was just a reason to throw Patricia Arquette's sister, Rosanna, some work.

 

We get to revisit 'The Cave' for a virtual autopsy -- the best part isn't that we get a 3-D projection of the cadaver, it's an interactive 3-D projection. Give me a break.

 

How long ago were Avery's patient records hacked -- because I seriously doubt it was before the time of firewalls and encryption.  Per the headstone of poor dead Danielle McCarthy, it was only 10 years ago.  Avery should just admit that she sucks and her sloppiness/laziness got her patient killed.  Per the online article in the intro, apparently Danielle McCarthy was a "bigwig" when she was killed and when all of Avery's patient files (some 16,000 in total) were published anonymously and contained disgusting, humiliating and scandalous information.  Apparently Danielle McCarthy knew where a lot of "bodies were buried" until she became one and was sharing the dirt she knew about people with Avery.

 

Here's a thought -- since the first victim had been missing for two years, wouldn't she have stopped taking selfies ?

 

Do they seriously expect the viewers to believe that some assclown started a corporation to make privacy masks using the CEO's own face ?  And considering the Cyber division is chock-full of top-shelf blackhats, how come none of them knew this was a thing ?

Turns out the bad guy has been kidnapping women since 2004 and brainwashing them to do his bidding, including kidnapping more girls for their master for his harem.

 

And the whole case is resolved ridiculously quickly in the last 5 minutes because the bad guy used his own name in his dating profile. WTF ?  With the master dead, they never did say if they charged Vanessa (#1) with killing the initial victim (Elizabeth, #5).

 

I figured that once the 2nd missing girl was from Lake Placid that they would be on the lookout for a giant crocodile.  </snark>

 

Since the bad guy's house was in Albany and all the missing girls were from upstate New York, why would they drag all the girls back to D.C. to be reunited with their parents ?  That makes no sense at all.

[Kate the Great]

Albany again. Man, a crappy soundstage has doubled for my tiny city twice in the first six episodes. One of the writers has to be from here.

"The whole world's on FriendAgenda!"

[henripootel]

How did Elizabeth end up dead?  We know she got caught borrowing a phone to try and call home when she was out shopping with Vanessa so ... she went back to the cellar knowing she'd been caught?  She was in a public place and the Evil Match.com Guy was nowhere around, why not just yell for the cops?  Was she un-brainwashed enough to make a call but brainwashed enough to go back to certain death?

 

And it sure is easy to get a no-knock warrant in Albany.  All they had to go on was that somebody there liked short brunettes.  I like short brunettes - good thing I don't internet date.

 

Nice of them to give Evil Match.com dude a freebie for his warning shots and didn't, say, riddle him with bullets though his wholly-unbulletproof curtain.

[shapeshifter]

"...FriendAgenda!"

I. Just. Can't.

[Jamoche]

Stunt-casting Rosanna was a mistake - it just reminds us all which sister can actually act.

 

How long ago were Avery's patient records hacked -- because I seriously doubt it was before the time of firewalls and encryption.

Somewhere around here I've got a floppy disk with my PGP key - invented in 1991.  I'm pretty sure there were much more user-friendly options long before Avery got hacked. Firewalls are even older than that.

[Zahdii]

This show is really terrible.  I watch it to see how long until they get rid of the horrible intro, see if PA manages to emote, see if even a portion of the plot is believable, etc.  How are the ratings?  Something that stinks this bad should be pulled before it finishes its first season.

[Kromm]

What TRULY stood out in this episode was that it wasn't just the plot that was epicly bad.  It wasn't just the acting.  But it was also the record-breakingly disgusting dialogue.  Real human beings just don't have the sentences come out of them that came out of the characters on this episode.  Just over and over, minute by minute, the stuff coming out of people's mouths just got more and more puzzling. Since this is a show supposedly about technology, I don't feel strange saying the dialogue in this one almost felt like the result of some computer program (badly) emulating human speech. 

 

As for Rosanna?  Even she was badly dented by the aura of fetid shit surrounding this. Certainly "crazy" is an easier assignment to play, and requires big and over the top.  But it was all so trite and unconvincing, the best actress in the world wouldn't be able to do much with it--and Rosanna Arquette is still far from the best actress in the world.

[Zahdii]

I wonder if CBS just assumed that another CSI show would succeed, much like Law and Order and it's spinoffs seem to be impervious to cancellation.  (I stopped watching all L&O stuff years ago, and only watch CSI when there's nothing else on, so I'm curious as to how many others are watching just because they're on over the air TV and nothing else is on, and how many people are watching because they're loyal to the brand).

 

Anyway, this show has the feeling of a network that has assumed that there will be viewers watching because of brand loyalty, and possibly new viewers watching because of the whole 'the internet can and probably will be used against you' thing.

 

Whatever the reason, it feels that everything is second rate.  Like some bigwig is saying "It doesn't matter how good the plots are, how accurate we are, how good the acting is.  People who like CSI will watch.  Just phone it in, it doesn't matter, because we've got the audience already."

 

As a result, the writers aren't trying very hard, or maybe they just aren't that good.  Whoever is supposed to provide technical support either also doesn't care, or isn't very good.  The actors (PA, I'm looking straight at you), for the most part, are just reciting lines. 

 

I feel like there's a group of producers who got together and said, "OK, CSI sells, so let's make another spinoff.  But we should try to make it different, so let's focus on all the internet stuff.  Yeah, that'll do for the setup, and we get some well-known names on the cast to bring in their fans.  Make sure we have the usual tropes: a hot blond, the mom figure, the daddy figure, the guy who always saves the day, a black man (but make sure he's super smart and well dressed because he's also the former bad-guy who's turned over a new leaf thanks to the mom figure).  Make sure that some of the characters don't play well with others, until PA steps in, have them not get along until the last moment when they all suddenly work together to save the day, etc.

Edited April 23, 2015 by Zahdii

[Kate the Great]

And it sure is easy to get a no-knock warrant in Albany. All they had to go on was that somebody there liked short brunettes. I like short brunettes - good thing I don't internet date.

Given some of the police issues in Albany (nothing that made the national news, still sketchy), this bit of insanity may be the one truthful point in the episode!

And this would be the point where I point out that I am a short brunette in Albany, but given that this is The Internet (as Told by CSI: Cyber), you're probably a serial killer just lying in wait. Clearly the solution is to never post on Internet forums ever again, complete with the worst Aesop speech in the world.

[henripootel]

you're probably a serial killer just lying in wait.

Well I was thinking of moving to Albany - I hear it's pretty much a haven for mad hackers and harem dungeons.  How's your HOA on 'chain instillation'?  Would you describe their policy on basement screams as 'eh, it's probably nothing'?

 

I should think twice about posting these questions on THE INTERNET.  Apparently the Cyber guys have limitless resources and it's just a matter of time before Peter MacNicol says "The guy was asking about 'chain instillation'?  Isn't that suspicious?"

 

In truth, it did occur to me to wonder about the nightmarish logistical problems with keeping several folks in the basement.  Food prep, laundry service, text-spoofing, and of course the endless girl-fights about who gets to sit closest to the water heater - seems like a lot of work.  And, of course, nobody noticed this for years until the idiot was stupid enough to post using his own name.  Do people really do this?  I thought dating sites were all 'hotkitten307' and 'mustlikechains24/7'.

Edited April 23, 2015 by henripootel

[BooksRule]

I don't understand how they could come to the conclusion that the murder victim had been missing for two years.  Sure, she hadn't had contact with her parents in two years, but it was stated that she and her parents weren't close.  When they checked the 'tone' of her posts from that day and from three months ago (I think that was the time period chosen), the tone had changed from her earlier posts, so they knew that it wasn't her posting.  However, you would think that they would work their way back to see exactly when the 'tone' changed.  Just because her parents hadn't heard from her in two years doesn't mean that she had been missing that long.  But if she had a job or something, she might have been missed--but they didn't mention that.  It just seemed like quite a leap, when they could have found out for sure when she was abducted. 

 

I also thought it was funny that as soon as the first person responded to the bait they had set on the dating profile, they assumed that it was the perp.  Of course, it turned out to be him, but if 'five foot two eyes of blue' is the preferred type of these guys, you would think that a bunch of pervs would have quickly responded.  But, they just knew that this was the right guy.

[Sarnia]

Whatever the reason, it feels that everything is second rate.  Like some bigwig is saying "It doesn't matter how good the plots are, how accurate we are, how good the acting is.  People who like CSI will watch.  Just phone it in, it doesn't matter, because we've got the audience already."

I have watched all things CSI, the sort-of-good (early CSI-Vegas seasons, CSI NY), the meh (recent CSI-Vegas) and the ugly (CSI Miami, so bad it was actually funny). I gave up on this one after Ep2 (and I feel I've been brave to last this long). This is just bad and not even funny. At least in CSI Miami there were some remotely interesting second characters but here none of the characters are engaging, the acting is bad, dialog is cheesy and the plots are ridiculous.So I am one with a soft spot for the CSI franchise, but I still have a bit of dignity left. This is just - no.

So I stopped watching but I still come here and read the forum (which is good and intersting!).

[thuganomics85]

I just can't even fandom the idea for the "FriendAgenda" name.  Doesn't sound personal or friendly at all.  Facebook might have its own issues, but it at least doesn't sound like a site that makes the idea of friendship sound like a chore or a business meeting.

 

 

And it sure is easy to get a no-knock warrant in Albany.  All they had to go on was that somebody there liked short brunettes.  I like short brunettes - good thing I don't internet date.

I'm glad it wasn't just me was going "WTF?!" over that.  Sure, if might have been small, but there was still a chance that the guy might have not been the kidnapper, but just a guy who happens to be into the same women the kidnapper was into.  Unless there was more research off screen or something, it really felt like flimsy logic.

 

Clearly character development of supporting characters isn't a big issue for this show, but I'm guessing Raven just had a day off or something.  No mention of her at all, I don't think.  But, that's better then Krummy who, according to Aver, works "18 hours a day, 7 days a week."  Really hope that's exaggerating, or he really needs help. That can not be healthy.

 

I honestly don't know what it is, but the opening monologue still slays me.  It really is one of the most amazing stupid things ever.  I keep finding new things to mock. I usually pay attention the crap dialogue, so this time I was noticed how hilarious Patricia Arquette's "face acting" is, in that bit.  The way she is darting her eyes back in forth, while not changing her facial features, reminds me of that episode of Friends, when Joey Tribbani was teaching students how to do "dramatic acting."  Of course, that was suppose to be a sitcom...

[iscoffy]

This show is so awful. What on earth is with all the bellowing and chest pounding whenever the mad skillz hackerz crew (all the cool hackers know l33t speak-- I hope they do an equally up-to-date Leroy Jenkins name check) finds out the simplest of details? What an annoying habit that would be in the workplace. And Avery Ryan's cringeworthy "out of the comfort zone" thing was probably supposed to be touching, but nobody in this show has earned anything yet-- why do we care about any of their feelings, let alone for each other? And then Ryan's psychology background somehow makes her some kind of elite behavioralist? I don't think it works that way. Maybe she had additional training in profiling (between bouts of pouting at the Lincoln Memorial), but I don't think they've said that.

The case was ludicrous, their team is ridiculous and their use and attempt to show us tech is absurd. I am really only watching at this point in hopes it becomes as silly as the Caruso version, because at least that gave me a lot of laughs. So far, this thing is just awkward and bad.

Edited April 24, 2015 by iscoffy

[Kromm]

I usually pay attention the crap dialogue

I don't know why, but as bad as the dialogue usually is, something about the dialogue in THIS episode just went to an entirely different level for me. Many of the word choices and sentence constructions are things I just can't imagine any real {English speaking, adult, functional} human saying.  I wish I'd been keeping better notes, but there were at least a dozen different examples.  Sentences that all, sure, made sense and were valid English, but which were either like what I said before--some computer program emulating human speech--or also a lot of them seemed like... well.  If anybody here has ever gone on the Internet and read REALLY bad fan fiction, where characters just spit out plot points, exposition, supposedly closely held emotions, etc. all in a verbal diarrhea fashion rather than the measured pace that real people actually speak in?  That's what it was like. The worst fan fiction-level dialogue you've ever read/seen/heard.

[iscoffy]

I don't know why, but as bad as the dialogue usually is, something about the dialogue in THIS episode just went to an entirely different level for me. Many of the word choices and sentence constructions are things I just can't imagine any real {English speaking, adult, functional} human saying.  I wish I'd been keeping better notes, but there were at least a dozen different examples.  Sentences that all, sure, made sense and were valid English, but which were either like what I said before--some computer program emulating human speech--or also a lot of them seemed like... well.  If anybody here has ever gone on the Internet and read REALLY bad fan fiction, where characters just spit out plot points, exposition, supposedly closely held emotions, etc. all in a verbal diarrhea fashion rather than the measured pace that real people actually speak in?  That's what it was like. The worst fan fiction-level dialogue you've ever read/seen/heard.

 

Wait, maybe this explains everything!  The backdoor pilot was about a program impersonating a person-- maybe the whole team are programs pretending to be real people.  Quick, someone type some nonsense characters at Avery Ryan and see if her flesh disappears to show a green wire frame.

[Zahdii]

I honestly don't know what it is, but the opening monologue still slays me.  It really is one of the most amazing stupid things ever.  I keep finding new things to mock.

 

So true.  I remember when Grimm came back for (I believe) it's second season with a new opening.  It was really the worst thing ever, until now.  The derision was immediate and loud, and the next week the show came back with a different opening.  But CSI C has so many problems that they apparently don't have the time (or perhaps the wit) to change it.  By the time PA is whispering "It could happen to you! I've muted the TV and turned away.  Sometimes I forget to go back so I've missed the following scene twice now.

Edited April 24, 2015 by Zahdii

[shapeshifter]

...By the time PA is whispering "It could happen to you! I've muted the TV and turned away.  Sometimes I forget to go back so I've missed the following scene twice now.

I wonder if I can count my cringing at that moment as one of my 4 twice daily strengthening exercises for my prescribed physical therapy?

[Zahdii]

I wonder if I can count my cringing at that moment as one of my 4 twice daily strengthening exercises for my prescribed physical therapy?

 

Definitely.

[shapeshifter]

...I keep falling asleep and I think it has partially to do with the numbing performance of Patricia Arquette in the lead role....There is a lack of personality somehow...

Her acting choices just don't work with all that Botox. IMO.

[loriro]

I agree about Patricia Arquette.  I was watching this last episode and trying to put my finger on what exactly it was about her performance that makes it seem so... bad.  There's such a disconnect when I remember that she won an Oscar this year! And then I realized that a big part of it is the fact that no matter what she's saying, or what emotion she's trying to convey, her expression never changes. There is no expression in her eyes, in particular. That makes everything seem so wooden.  It's distracting. 

[Corvino]

I missed the first couple of episodes of this (your comments tell me I was lucky), but the way Avery was going on at the grave, grieving with Danielle's sister at the end, made me think Danielle was Avery's wife. And so the baby was Avery's... er, well...