Small Talk: Ughngnggh! Ugghhnnn!

[Mr. Sparkle]

I can't NOT watch Forrest Gump, the Green Mile or the Shawshank Redemption when they're on. Luckily, at least one of them is on 24/7. 

[nachomama]

Oops it’s just called “wrecked” kind of a “lost” parody. Plane crashes and 1 guy was the flight attendant.  It’s very goofy. 

[AngelaHunter]

Okay, just when you all thought people couldn't get any more ridiculous or dumb: Sorry to disappoint.

"CRIME SPREE PROMPTED BY ZOMBIE FEARS" (and a few recreational pharmeceuticals) The worst part? He thought Florida would be safe.

http://thesmokinggun.com/documents/bizarre/zombie-apocalypse-rattled-man-013954

[Nashville]

On 3/9/2018 at 12:11 AM, nachomama said:

Oops it’s just called “wrecked” kind of a “lost” parody. Plane crashes and 1 guy was the flight attendant.  It’s very goofy. 

Ahhh, THAT one I remember.  ;)

[nachomama]

Friend of mine has a weird obsession with Jeff Goldblum. I'm okay with Jeff he just does nothing for me in the loin region but she just loves him. So they're coming out with these Jurassic Park Funko figures and one is "sexy" Dr. Ian Malcolm when he was wounded and shirtless so this of course is the perfect birthday gift for her. Only I can't get one. I understand limited editions and such but if it's sold at Target "exclusively" and no target within 100 miles of me has it and they will not ship to the store, nor ship to me, how does one get ahold of sexy Jeff Goldblum? This sends me down a very weird rabbit hole, I go looking for other Jeff stuff and there is some weird shit out there ya'll.

[AngelaHunter]

8 hours ago, nachomama said:

Friend of mine has a weird obsession with Jeff Goldblum. I'm okay with Jeff he just does nothing for me in the loin region but she just loves him. So they're coming out with these Jurassic Park Funko figures and one is "sexy" Dr. Ian Malcolm when he was wounded and shirtless so this of course is the perfect birthday gift for her. Only I can't get one. I understand limited editions and such but if it's sold at Target "exclusively" and no target within 100 miles of me has it and they will not ship to the store, nor ship to me, how does one get ahold of sexy Jeff Goldblum? This sends me down a very weird rabbit hole, I go looking for other Jeff stuff and there is some weird shit out there ya'll.

He does absolutely nothing for me either, but I see this:

Quote

The sultry figure will be available starting March 14 for $8.99. And if you just can’t wait to throw your money at it, Target’s website could have a page up around midnight that day.

Maybe you just started looking too early?

[Nashville]

8 hours ago, nachomama said:

Friend of mine has a weird obsession with Jeff Goldblum. I'm okay with Jeff he just does nothing for me in the loin region but she just loves him. So they're coming out with these Jurassic Park Funko figures and one is "sexy" Dr. Ian Malcolm when he was wounded and shirtless so this of course is the perfect birthday gift for her. Only I can't get one. I understand limited editions and such but if it's sold at Target "exclusively" and no target within 100 miles of me has it and they will not ship to the store, nor ship to me, how does one get ahold of sexy Jeff Goldblum? This sends me down a very weird rabbit hole, I go looking for other Jeff stuff and there is some weird shit out there ya'll.

Don’t bother looking at Toys-R-Us, though....

Toys 'R' Us will close or sell all US stores - CNN Money

[nachomama]

Apparently I looked too late, it went up about 3 am and sold out. I'm looking at 9 am all gone. They may restock but not in time for her birthday.

And I saw that Toys "R" us went bust. WHAT WILL BECOME OF GEOFFREY???????????

[AngelaHunter]

30 minutes ago, nachomama said:

Apparently I looked too late, it went up about 3 am and sold out. I'm looking at 9 am all gone.

How many did they have? 5? There are that many people who want this in their homes?

 

 

23 minutes ago, icemiser69 said:

https://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/dr-pimple-popper/

I am so, 100% NOT clicking that link.

[AngelaHunter]

My favorite bobblehead has to be this version of "Injured Daryl" which I think was recalled and redesigned PDQ. :p

 

 

 

 

4 minutes ago, icemiser69 said:

He doesn't have a hairy chest

Haven't you heard? No more body hair allowed. All mature adults now must be as dolphin-smooth and hairless as a newborn.

[nachomama]

What was he supposed to be holding????!!! Hahahahaha 

[Nashville]

20 hours ago, icemiser69 said:

Have you ever attended any of your high school reunions? 

 

Did you have a good time?

 

Did everyone show up that was capable of showing up or did they choose not to come for whatever reason?

Yes, yes, and helifino.

 

20 hours ago, icemiser69 said:

I guess in these days and times many people just choose to keep in touch via Facebook etc.  and forgo reunions entirely.  That way they can stay where they are and keep in contact with the people they wish to keep in contact with, and avoid the people they wish to avoid.  Regardless it seems awfully isolating without the up close and personal contact.  

Actually... in terms of my last couple of reunions, it’s been the opposite; we’ve used FB to coordinate the face-to-faces AND to establish contact with those who had fallen off the routes of traditional communications contact.

[nachomama]

I truly wonder what my mother would have done in the days of social media. She was a nonstop gabber and had managed to keep in touch with way more people from high school in 40 years than I did in, like, 5. She was also old school letter writer. She couldn't work a VCR but I think she'd definitely be the annoying essay writing facebooker. She might also get addicted to selfies. 

[Nashville]

Anybody know of anything special going on in Albuquerque the second week of April? I’m going to be out there the better part of the week on a work trip.

[nachomama]

Gathering of Nations is April 26-28 but that's too late, although super cool. Hot air balloons are beginning of October. Da Vinci exhibit at the Natural History Museum. There's a biking bad tour, dunno if it takes you to Walter White's house then the car wash then the meth lab, who knows. Other than that I got nothing.

I tripped on a stool in my dining room the other day and did a hop-skip to prevent cracking my skull and jammed up my knee. Oooo, Oooh, I put a big time hurt on my leg. No idea what I did, as in, pulled or popped something but I'm doing a really good walker impression these days.

[AngelaHunter]

On 3/18/2018 at 9:33 AM, icemiser69 said:

Have you ever attended any of your high school reunions? 

No. Never did. Don't want to.

On 3/19/2018 at 9:29 AM, nachomama said:

I truly wonder what my mother would have done in the days of social media.

Sometimes I think of my dear mother doing all the things I do - driving a car, going to work every day, using a computer - and it's unimaginable. My mother in law gave me the microwave someone had given her, because she couldn't master it. How times change. As for FB, I signed up when I came into contact with relatives I didn't know I had. They are of the generation who refuses to make any contact other than on FB. I stuck it out for a few weeks then gave it all up.

[nachomama]

I don't do anything "real" on facebook. I don't have my real name, I do not post my comings and goings. I don't have my birthday etc. I make whacky quips and yes do have some friends but holy crap, I've never gotten into a political argument, never forwarded any "can I get a like" or prayers. Part of me thinks I'd just as easily get along if I boycotted because of Russian hackers but I also don't think russian hackers are getting anything out of me. I have a niece that my sister makes me facebook stalk and holy moses the girl argues over facebook, it's like a soap opera. I'm like GIRL DO NOT PUT YOUR CRAP ON SOCIAL MEDIA

[AngelaHunter]

4 hours ago, nachomama said:

I'm like GIRL DO NOT PUT YOUR CRAP ON SOCIAL MEDIA

It's incredible. I'm fanatical about privacy online and here are people spewing out their whole lives, personal intimate things and all kinds of stuff they'll live to regret. I"ve seen grown men on shows like Judge Judy, all up in arms because someone "unfriended me on FB! Boo hoo!" Reminds me of this:

 

[Nashville]

I wasn’t on yesterday, so in commemoration - Easter for Millennials:

 

 

[nachomama]

awesome. works for zombie millenials too!

I was housesitting for Easter, supposed to be my nice weekend in the country, no work, dogs and actual rabbits. So I proceed to lock myself out day 1. I came home with groceries and whatnot, got in the house ok, took a nap cuz I'm lazy and when I went out to get other crap from the car I went out without my phone or keys because I'm only going for 2 seconds. I shut the door rather than leaving it cracked because I'm very obediant and follow directions very goodly. Didnt want the dog to push in the door and go eat the rabbit or for the rabbit to be a genius and be able to open the door with his nose. My friend's husband says "a strong wind can open the door" OH HELL NO IT CAN'T. It wasn't locked but it wouldn't open for me. I had been sooooooo good I had closed the garage door (have a code but it's on the phone) and I had locked the back door or I coulda gone around. But see how good I protected her house? Had to wait 2 hours for my other friend to get off work. She was supposed to be there at 6:30 but didn't show til 8. So it's getting cold, mosquitos are starting to see me as juicy. So all weekend when she'd ask me to "grab the thing/go get the thing" I'd tell her my arms froze off and I have west nile virus since she left me out there in the elements to die.

Then my weekend job (which granted me my time off) calls me and says the girl they scheduled to be me on the first night didn't show and they neglected to schedule anyone for night 2, which is MY problem exactly whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?? Well it's Easter, of course, and they can't possibly survive if no one comes in. So because I'm an idiot I make a 100 mile round trip, to go to work on my only weekend off in 4 months because Jesus won't come back from the dead without potato salad or cole slaw.

[Mu Shu]

On 2/22/2018 at 2:14 PM, Superclam said:

OLD PERSON RANT: We live in a strange era where opinions are tweeted and then media outlets collect the tweets and present them as research and fact. Like: @farting tweeted "whats up with Fergie doing the Nat'l Athnm" and the headline of the article is "Outrage at Fergie's Rendition of Our National Anthem!" 

I'm gonna go yell at some young people now. 

I’m pretty pissed that @farting is taken.  I wanted that handle, damnit!

i was pretty embarrassed for Fergie.  But it was worth it watching the looks on the players faces.  And yes, I learned she also peed her pants in public, so she’s had some interesting performances . 

My guilty pleasure is pimple popping videos, and sometimes I do some light trolling.  I can’t help myself.  Ladies, don’t sign your YouTube posts and tell me not to bitch when the camera work is bad on zit videos because I’m being ungrateful they deigned to post the content. A.  I don’t need to know your name.  2.  Mean trolls will dox you. 3. Dr Sandra Lee probably makes as much money on her zit videos as she does in her practice.  4.  I am a 44 yo hag.  I don’t need any granny lectures.  

Also, my new boss is an idiot and I found his mugshot online.  

Edited April 3, 2018 by Mu Shu

[nachomama]

I've read about several performers peeing themselves during performances. The older I get, the more I can see it happening.

I wish I could find something on my boss, one of the bosses at my weekend job recently transferred but I just knew there was a day coming where I was gonna pop off. I am kinda sad I didn't get to slap her with "Dorothy Hamill called and even she says your hair looks stupid". My hair looks stupid but it looks stupid for free, she pays someone to give her a 40 year old haircut and she's addicted to "frosting" her tips. Nobody "frosts" anymore.

[Mu Shu]

3 hours ago, nachomama said:

I've read about several performers peeing themselves during performances. The older I get, the more I can see it happening.

I wish I could find something on my boss, one of the bosses at my weekend job recently transferred but I just knew there was a day coming where I was gonna pop off. I am kinda sad I didn't get to slap her with "Dorothy Hamill called and even she says your hair looks stupid". My hair looks stupid but it looks stupid for free, she pays someone to give her a 40 year old haircut and she's addicted to "frosting" her tips. Nobody "frosts" anymore.

The bitch is that you can’t work here and have a criminal history.  The loophole is that it was domestic violence, and his wife dropped it.  That’s still fucked, IMO. 

I also took six feet of toilet paper home.  Since my benefits were gutted, I feel entitled to a bit of extra butt whipe when I’m running low. 

[nachomama]

They claim there is verification but I have 2 different names and both are ridiculous. I used 1 back in the day when they had all the farming and games that needed "friends" so I had over 500 rando's and I said "this is cuckoo for cocoa puffs" and quit all of it. The other is actual people I know but I was hiding from relatives.

How much is 6' of tp? When I was in college I used to take rolls outta the building bathrooms, trust me, I paid for it. I was living on $6 a week in groceries, tp was a luxury.

I know there are some places that had mandatory laws about domestic violence, that even if she drops the charges the state charges. I know why women drop charges but holy hell I wish they wouldn't. Anybody ever hits me, they better finish it because I fixin to Lorena Bobbit you or worse.

[AngelaHunter]

On 4/3/2018 at 3:08 PM, nachomama said:

I know why women drop charges but holy hell I wish they wouldn't. Anybody ever hits me, they better finish it because I fixin to Lorena Bobbit you or worse.

Me too, but if you want to see what women will put up with for the pleasure of having a warm body around, watch Judge Judy. One of these crazy, desperate bitches claimed, contrary to what JJ read in her complaint, that her boyfriend kicked her "only once" in the buttocks - not twice!- and knocked her down. On the street. In front of the neighbours.  I'm sure had he kicked her twice in the ass, she wouldn't have married him, which she did. Another said HER Romeo knocked out all her front teeth, but no way would she put up with that, so she only stayed with him for four months after that happened.

[Mu Shu]

On 4/3/2018 at 3:08 PM, nachomama said:

They claim there is verification but I have 2 different names and both are ridiculous. I used 1 back in the day when they had all the farming and games that needed "friends" so I had over 500 rando's and I said "this is cuckoo for cocoa puffs" and quit all of it. The other is actual people I know but I was hiding from relatives.

How much is 6' of tp? When I was in college I used to take rolls outta the building bathrooms, trust me, I paid for it. I was living on $6 a week in groceries, tp was a luxury.

I know there are some places that had mandatory laws about domestic violence, that even if she drops the charges the state charges. I know why women drop charges but holy hell I wish they wouldn't. Anybody ever hits me, they better finish it because I fixin to Lorena Bobbit you or worse.

Oh I did that too!  I used to get drunk and play Sorority Life.  Now I’m reformed, but still get birthday notifications from some of the pseuds.  I had to keep some, my friend list is on the double digits.

6 feet of Tp is a guesstimate, just about two arm lengths.  Enough until I go shopping. 

[nachomama]

Yeah I was getting birthday wishes and couldn't figure out why then I looked and I had put my niece's birthday in my fake account. Now my birthday shows D-Day and somebody felt very guilty thinking they had just missed my birthday so she showed up and brought me a gift and I felt like a schmuck. BUT WHO DOESN'T KNOW JUNE 6 1944???!!! And if you think I look that old then Ima unfriend you anyway. (and she gave me lotion so I laughed and laughed about how leathery she must think I look)

I swear I've had the same pack of TP for a year. I bought some Scotts (it's super cheap 1 ply) and it just keeps going and going. I went to a store that's having a going out of business sale and I scored some cheap laundry detergent (it's Gain but 60% off so I'll be rolling around on my pillows sniffing at least til my Gain runs out) and I got a gi-gundo size box of cinnamon frosted flakes. I've really been wanting to try them (been on a weird cinnamon kick for about a year) but I was going to wait until the generic bagged cereal came out with a copy cat (do you sense a theme that I'm cheap?) So I've got a ton of cereal to eat and I don't really eat cereal that often, I hope it's good as a snack

[AngelaHunter]

1 hour ago, nachomama said:

BUT WHO DOESN'T KNOW JUNE 6 1944???!!!

I guess you never watched Jay Leno's "Street Walking"? There are college students who cannot recognize a picture of Winston Churchill. "Is it W.C. Fields?" College students who think what separated East and West Berlin might have been... "a lake?"

[nachomama]

I saw "Street Walking" a few times and felt like a genius. (And I know I'm not too bright) Jimmy Kimmel does a similar thing where they ask questions about fake news stories "Were you watching when Donald Trump passed out at Baskin Robbins?" and people insist they saw it. They say "who were you with that saw it with you?" people invent the stupidest stuff.

As a kid I did think W.C. Fields was Winston Churchill. I also thought Elvis, Abraham Lincoln and JFK all died like 100 years before I was born. Told ya, not too bright.

[Mu Shu]

Elvis died pooping.  How humiliating.

my Uncle asked me if I remember Amos and Andy.  I reminded him I was born in 1974.  He said oh you don’t remember the fifties?  No.  Actually, I don’t remember anything that happened before 1992.   

The ninties were a gilded age, I tell you.  Does anyone have a time machine? 

[AngelaHunter]

On 4/11/2018 at 8:20 AM, nachomama said:

As a kid I did think W.C. Fields was Winston Churchill.

Yeah, but I bet by the time you were 20 you knew the difference. And I bet you could put a name to a picture of Adolf Hitler, unlike these geniuses who are the future.

[Mu Shu]

You guys, my new boss was fired.  He managed to screw our process up to the point that we are missing thousands of payments.  But I think it was the light sexual  harassment he indulged in last Friday that did him in.  Or the lying to clients, or maybe they finally found the mug shot.

im not celebrating, but am relieved.  Everyone is. 

[nachomama]

Wow, that was quick. I have to suffer decades with bosses that suck. I didn't realize how good I had it with my first job out of college. My boss was so awesome. He paid the down payment on my house! He's like my dad, fuck that, he's way better than my dad. Who knew virtually everyone would suck from that point on?

[Mu Shu]

8 hours ago, nachomama said:

Wow, that was quick. I have to suffer decades with bosses that suck. I didn't realize how good I had it with my first job out of college. My boss was so awesome. He paid the down payment on my house! He's like my dad, fuck that, he's way better than my dad. Who knew virtually everyone would suck from that point on?

This is the first time really that I’ve had a boss so awful.  Most of the times they were ok, even if I didn’t like them.  But they didn’t let him take his Calvin Klein Escape cologne from 1997 or the Tony Robbins books he suggested we read instead of you know, being jefe and fixing problems.  I kind of feel bad. How will he smell faintly unpleasant and bloviate without a shitty self help book to nab a quote from?  

I sort of set him up.  Ok, I set him up.  I knew he can’t resist talking over women, and has a superiority complex, so I asked his “help” dealing with a bitchy account executive.  She snapped his head off, handed him his ass, and made the final complaint to HR.  Sometimes you have to move up the food chain to get shit done.

he lives with his parents.  He’ll be fine until he lies his way into a new position.

frankly, I have no idea why he was hired.  He drools, looks dirty, and smelled like booze in the morning.

[Mr. Sparkle]

I think I might love you, Mu Shu. 

[Nashville]

5 hours ago, Mu Shu said:

I sort of set him up.  Ok, I set him up.  I knew he can’t resist talking over women, and has a superiority complex, so I asked his “help” dealing with a bitchy account executive.  She snapped his head off, handed him his ass, and made the final complaint to HR.  Sometimes you have to move up the food chain to get shit done.

Sounds to me like an admirable job of evaluating and efficiently employing available tools in the existing administrative structure to successfully achieve the desired result.  You getting a bonus out of this, or are you up for a promotion?  ;>

[nachomama]

I have no idea how people fail upwards like that. I don’t think I’m the smartest person in the World and my position in the universe kinda reflects that. I wallow in the doldrums. But according to that guy ^ I coulda been so much more. The more assholey you act the more promotions you get. Or like my sister, a human sponge, never held a job more than a couple years and somehow the universe provides for her. She’s mooched off my oldest sister for years now. 

4 hours ago, Superclam said:

I think I might love you, Mu Shu. 

Anyone else want pancakes now? 

[Nashville]

15 hours ago, nachomama said:

I have no idea how people fail upwards like that. I don’t think I’m the smartest person in the World and my position in the universe kinda reflects that. I wallow in the doldrums. But according to that guy ^ I coulda been so much more. The more assholey you act the more promotions you get. 

Ever hear of the Dilbert Principle?  ;)

[Mu Shu]

20 hours ago, Superclam said:

I think I might love you, Mu Shu. 

I’m available!  Do you fish, and have room for a small kiln?

17 hours ago, Nashville said:

Sounds to me like an admirable job of evaluating and efficiently employing available tools in the existing administrative structure to successfully achieve the desired result.  You getting a bonus out of this, or are you up for a promotion?  ;>

No sir, they hate me.  But I’m useful.  The sheep who endured him and cried at their desks didn’t even make me a fucking pie.

but I’ll tell you what mr. Lincoln, I made that march. 

[Mr. Sparkle]

8 minutes ago, Mu Shu said:

I’m available!  Do you fish, and have room for a small kiln?

Well, I like to eat fish, and my kids would probably like that kiln! 

[Nashville]

1 hour ago, Mu Shu said:

No sir, they hate me.  But I’m useful.  The sheep who endured him and cried at their desks didn’t even make me a fucking pie.

but I’ll tell you what mr. Lincoln, I made that march. 

Ever hear of the M*A*S*H model?  It’s based off the semi-autobiographical characters of Hawkeye Pierce and Duke Forrest in Richard Hooker’s original book, off which the movie and TV series were based.  Early on the two decided upon a simple plan to get through their tour of service: if they were regularly the most excellent performers in their particular work field, they could get a veritable shit-ton of slack cut for them in other areas.  If you can maintain the required performance levels for an extended period of time, it can make for a MUCH more enjoyable workplace experience.  Hell - over the past 3+ decades, it’s worked pretty damn well for me.  ;)

One caveat, though; if you do too good a job, future attempts to leave the organization may be met with strong discouragement - if not outright sabotage.

[Nashville]

So - did anybody else help set a new Guinness world record this weekend?  ;)

[nachomama]

Was it in drinking Guinness?

[Nashville]

Nope!  Most crowdsurfers during a single song.  I spent the weekend at Carolina Rebellion.  :>

[nachomama]

Were you a surfer or a surfee? I don't generally do the surfing because you know I'm the one they drop. and no good groping before they dump me on my noggin.

[Nashville]

In recent years I’ve restricted myself to surfee status - generally consider myself too old and fat for that stuff any more - but on this singular occasion I was one of (I think) 264 surfers.  

Hey, we were shooting for a Guinness record, so - GOING UP!!!  :>

 

File it under “Taking one for the team”.  :)

[nachomama]

Well at least you can retire with all the money you made and think of alllll the people who will seek your autograph now. You’ll have to use fake names checking into hotels and those Guinness groupies will be coming out of the woodwork. I can’t believe I know someone with a Guinness world record ! 

[Nashville]

Thanks for the best laugh I've had all week.   :D

[peach]

Hey, has anyone watched the Netflix series Requiem?  It's really creepy and good.  (Originally a BBC series)

It seems to be flying under the radar; there's not even a page for it on this site. But I thought it was great old school 70's occult horror/suspense, but gorgeously shot.  It's a little bit slow at the beginning, but picks up.  Spooky Welsh villages with creepy mansions and runes, etc.

Edited May 17, 2018 by peach

[raven]

1 hour ago, peach said:

Spooky Welsh villages with creepy mansions and runes, etc.

I like the sound of that, thank for the tip!  I should really explore Netflix more.  I need an inexpensive Smart TV, I have to watch Netflix shows on my laptop, which I hate, but I did for Stranger Things.  My current TV is so ancient I can't even connect the laptop to it, heh.