Most Irritating Kids in Movies

[Spartan Girl]

I got inspired for this thread by the one in the commercials thread. Look, don’t get me wrong, I love kids…but some in the ones we’ve seen in movies are annoying at best and complete brats at worst. So let’s all vent our spleen about the ones that could use some grounding.

Isabelle from Brothers really got under my skin, even though I did feel sorry for the upheaval of having her dad come back from war a completely different person from PTSD. But for her to act like such a brat, blaming her dad for not coming home on time for her birthday when he was being held hostage and tortured? Lying about her aunt and uncle having an affair and screaming that she wished he stayed dead?! Her mom went way too easy on her.

Teenagers can count too, since we all know they can be the worst. Like Tia in Uncle Buck. I get it, she was upset about moving and she obviously got some of her snottiness from her mom. But neither of that excuses her being so awful for almost the entire movie.

Edited May 9 by Spartan Girl

[JustHereForFood]

Almost all of them.

Sorry, not sorry.

[andromeda331]

Jacob from The Day the Earth Stood Still-2008 he's an asshole to his stepmother the whole time and wants to kill the aliens because they might be bad. How he wasn't killed of half way during the movie I don't know.

[Blergh]

Veruca Salt in all her movie incarnations!

I mean Augustus Gloop was gluttonous, Violet Beuregard liked chewing gum too much and Mike TeeVee liked TV watching too much.

However, Veruca was totally entitled and downright mean to all the others- and  getting sent down the Bad Egg Chute was perfect justice for her and her enabling dad!

Edited May 12 by Blergh

[Spartan Girl]

Bernice in Hope Floats. Look, she can’t be faulted for loving her dad even after he cheated on her mom and in hindsight it wasn’t fair for Birdie to uproot her whole life  and move back to the grandmother’s, but Jesus Christ, Bernice saw her mother humiliated on national television, and she acted like the whole thing was her fault! She was such a little brat for most of the movie that even when I hurt for her when she was running crying after her dad, part of me just shook my head and said, “Fine, learn it the hard way.”

[Wiendish Fitch]

Arliss in Old Yeller. Good lord, I could not stomach this kid, and I swear he got more scenes than the titular dog. 

John and Pearl in Night of the Hunter. Classic film fans are going to ream me but good for this, but these uncharismatic brats are the reason I don't like this movie... and I desperately want to love Night of the Hunter! It's a great directorial debut for Charles Laughton (his first effort and his last), it is one of the most gorgeous black and white movies ever made, and how about Robert Mitchum's performance?! His Harry Powell will haunt you for years to come. Mitchum fans can't decide whether this or Out of the Past is his greatest role. 

But, oh, those damn kids. Pearl is an utterly useless, cloying little ninny who seems to go out of her way to be a load (and why does she want to play with dollar bills when she has a perfectly good doll?), and John "dull surprises" his way through the movie, even though their lives are in danger. 

 

[Wiendish Fitch]

I'm a little unsettled by all the sad face reactions to my post. If I've caused offense, I apologize. 

[Spartan Girl]

1 hour ago, Wiendish Fitch said:

I'm a little unsettled by all the sad face reactions to my post. If I've caused offense, I apologize. 

You didn’t offend me. I was just sad that those kids were so dumb, it made them sitting ducks for that monster, lol.

In fact, I’ll go a step further than you and list Kid Anakin from Phantom Menace. I almost didn’t want to because poor Jake Lloyd has suffered enough because of the Star Wars fandom…but come on! He just came off as so smarmy and wooden, and that was the wrong direction for the character. 

To be clear, I blame George Lucas and his shit writing/directing for this, not Jake Lloyd. Why the Star Wars can directed their ire at a little boy proved that they really are the worst.

[Wiendish Fitch]

1 hour ago, Spartan Girl said:

You didn’t offend me. I was just sad that those kids were so dumb, it made them sitting ducks for that monster, lol.

In fact, I’ll go a step further than you and list Kid Anakin from Phantom Menace. I almost didn’t want to because poor Jake Lloyd has suffered enough because of the Star Wars fandom…but come on! He just came off as so smarmy and wooden, and that was the wrong direction for the character. 

To be clear, I blame George Lucas and his shit writing/directing for this, not Jake Lloyd. Why the Star Wars can directed their ire at a little boy proved that they really are the worst.

I also feel sorry for Jake Lloyd. It's not his fault he was directed to act like an out of touch, middle-aged man's idea of a "cute little kid". 

Bratty kid characters bother me, but I also don't like cloying, cutesy-pie kids who in no way, shape, or form resemble actual children (the main reason I stopped reading books by Kristen Hannah). In Where Am I Now?, Mara Wilson recalled her late mom's objections to how her (Mara's) character was written in Miracle on 34th Street ("Why is she wearing a hair ribbon to bed?!").

Edited May 11 by Wiendish Fitch

[Crashcourse]

I thought John and Pearl from Night of the Hunter were two brave little kids--especially John.

[Spartan Girl]

Here’s another movie kid I hate: Buzz in Home Alone. Bullies his little brother and the whole lousy family enables him! The fact that he never gets any comeuppance in either movie sticks in my craw!

[Sweet Tee]

I can't help but feel sorry for John and Pearl in Night of the Hunter.  It's not their fault their useless mother does absolutely nothing to protect them. 

 

Spoiler

Even when she realizes Robert Mitchum is dangerous, she basically just gives up and waits for him to kill her.

 

[Spartan Girl]

21 hours ago, Wiendish Fitch said:

I also don't like cloying, cutesy-pie kids who in no way, shape, or form resemble actual children (the main reason I stopped reading books by Kristen Hannah). In Where Am I Now?, Mara Wilson recalled her late mom's objections to how her (Mara's) character was written in Miracle on 34th Street ("Why is she wearing a hair ribbon to bed?!").

Yikes I never thought of that. They really didn’t have to doll up Mara so much; she was already cute. Her version wasn’t Natalie Wood, but I thought she did all right in the movie. And once again, whatever was wrong with that remake wasn’t her fault.

I have really come to hate Janie and Sport in Harriet the Spy. Being hurt over what Harriet wrote in her diary is one thing—even if you shouldn’t read someone’s diary in the first place—but to willing side with Marion, a girl they hated, and help her and the other kids haze Harriet? Then have the nerve to play the victims when Harriet retaliated with her own pranks?! Maybe Harriet was better off losing them as friends judging by how fast they turned on her. And we never saw them apologize for anything they did: they just got sick of Marion and it was all “we forgive you, we’re friends again.”

Harriet’s parents at least reamed her out for her actions, but why the hell didn’t Janie and Sport’s parents find out about them bullying Harriet? Shouldn’t there have been some kind of comeuppance over the blue paint incident? Or was this one of the cases where the victim is blamed for lashing while the actual bullies get off scot-free?  

[Bastet]

On 5/9/2024 at 6:06 PM, JustHereForFood said:

Almost all of them.

Sorry, not sorry.

Same.

I finally got around to watching The Babadook, and while I finally felt sorry for him in the second half, the kid is so ever-loving annoying that in the first half I was almost rooting for the monster.

[Spartan Girl]

Well, I found another movie kid that annoys me: Danny from Ben. Yes, the movie about the killer rat with the Michael Jackson song.

Look, kid, sorry that you’re lonely and have a heart condition, but those rats KILLED people and you’re acting like they’re innocent victims?! Not to mention all the times you kissed and cuddled Ben—if he doesn’t eat you alive, he’ll kill you with a disease!!!!

Edited June 2 by Spartan Girl

[methodwriter85]

I get Kris Kristofferson smacking the son in Alice Doesn't Live Here anymore. That kid was annoying.

[Spartan Girl]

Robbie in Crazy, Stupid, Love. A Nice Guy in training who already can’t take no for an answer, stalking and badgering his babysitter. Not to mention the shitty way he treats his father, who he wrongfully accuses of “stealing” said babysitter. Even worse, unlike many kids in his position, he isn’t even mad at his mom for cheating on his dad and breaking up their family.

And what REALLY irks me is that instead of being called out on his bratty and toxic behavior, Robbie is treated like a precocious boy that believes in love by everyone in the movie. Vomit.

[Spartan Girl]

@Wiendish Fitch remembering what you said about not liking “cloying, cutesy-pie kids that don’t act real”?

How about Nicole in Six Weeks? Now for those that don’t know this was a 1982 drama starring Dudley Moore and Mary Tyler Moore. Nicole is Mary’s poor terminally ill daughter who befriends a politician (Dudley) that wants to help get her bucket list done before she dies. And Nicole basically wants Dudley to be her new dad. One little hiccup…

He’s MARRIED.

With kids. And the wife is a perfectly nice person who is a little unnerved by her husband basically inserting himself into their lives with little regard for setting boundaries. And yes, Nicole is only a little girl that is going through the unimaginable, but it comes off as emotionally manipulative that it doesn’t matter to her that she’s breaking up someone else’s family for her little fantasy, especially when she dies (spoiler, sorry) and leaves behind a note implying that her last wish is that she’d like them to get married for real.

So sorry Nicole, but you made the list.

Edited June 19 by Spartan Girl

[Wiendish Fitch]

12 minutes ago, Spartan Girl said:

@Wiendish Fitch remembering what you said about not liking “cloying, cutesy-pie kids that don’t act real”?

How about Nicole in Six Weeks? Now for those that don’t know this was a 1982 drama starring Dudley Moore and Mary Tyler Moore. Nicole is Mary’s poor terminally ill daughter who befriends a politician (Dudley) that wants to help get her bucket list done before she dies. And Nicole basically wants Dudley to be her new dad. One little hiccup…

He’s MARRIED.

With kids. And the wife is a perfectly nice person who is a little unnerved by her husband basically inserting himself into their lives with little regard for setting boundaries. And yes, Nicole is only a little girl that is going through the unimaginable, but it comes off as emotionally manipulative that it doesn’t matter to her that she’s breaking up someone else’s family for her little fantasy, especially when she dies (spoiler, sorry) and leaves behind a note implying that her last wish is that she’d like them to get married for real.

So sorry Nicole, but you made the list.

Well... that's appalling. Look, it was a gutsy move making a movie about a dying kid who also plays matchmaker (hard sells, both), but did they have to make Moore's character married?? If he were single, there's no guarantee the movie would have been good, per se, but at least the premise would have gone down much easier!

Isn't it amazing how there can be that one little detail that irreparably ruins a story?

Edited June 19 by Wiendish Fitch

[Spartan Girl]

9 minutes ago, Wiendish Fitch said:

Well... that's appalling. Look, it was a gutsy move making a movie about a dying kid who also plays matchmaker (hard sells, both), but did they have to make Moore's character married?? If he were single, there's no guarantee the movie would have been good, per se, but at least the premise would have gone down much easier!

Isn't it amazing how there can be that one little detail that irreparably ruins a story?

To be fair, the ending is ambiguous. They don’t actually get together but the film seems to leave it as an open possibility.

But yeah, that really does ruin the whole movie for me. As it is, the movie plays on your sentimentality in a way that feels emotionally manipulative. And I happen to like Dudley Moore and Mary Tyler Moore, may they both rest in peace, and they did better than I expected for a drama, which makes it even worse for me because they deserved to be in a better movie.

Not to mention that Nicole is portrayed as a precocious, adorable too good for this sinful earth child, so yeah, that wore on me real quick, and I’m probably going to hell for that.

Edited June 19 by Spartan Girl

[Wiendish Fitch]

Word on the two Moores. They both deserved bigger, better film careers. 

Moving along...

Henry and Peter from The Book of Henry.

Let's start with Henry. My God, what a hateful little demon this kid was. Smug, smarmy, insensitive, bossy, cruel, treats his imperfect but loving mother like a drooling halfwit, and worse?

Spoiler

I didn't care that he died. Either I'm the monster to end all monsters, or the screenwriters were so nightmarishly untalented, they made me not care that a kid died from a brain tumor. Eh, maybe both are true.

I will say that Jaeden Martell is an absolute genius at playing horrific kids (remember him in Knives Out?)

Then there's Peter, who is, I dunno, 7 or 8, and still thinks there are sharks in the bathtub. 

He thinks. There are. Sharks. In the bathtub.

Okay, that's it, have screenwriters in general ever met an actual kid?!!