S05.E10: I Do; I Don't

[PrincessPurrsALot]

Quote

Derek tries to win back Monique; Brittany and Marcelino renew vows, but a secret threatens their happily ever after; Amber and TC reach a breaking point; Michael surprises Justine; Shawn fears Sara's surgery is for her ex.

It's the season finale.  😿

The show tries to pretend that Monique will ever let Derek go.  He is lucky she hasn't tucked him into her purse and insisted on carrying him everywhere.  She could hang it on a hook in the closet at night to keep him safe from other women who are drawn to fresh prison peen. 

Brittanzzzzzzzzzzzzzz and Marcelino renew their vows.  We are supposed to be touched by this romantic display.  They'll trot out the children to pull at our heartstrings. Don't worry; they've queued up secret to try to ensure another season. 

Last week Amber had gathered the crew to move her stuff out of TC's and into Queen's castle where she coddles no one.  This week they "reach a breaking point"?  I think they passed that point. 

Does Michael surprise Justine by wearing an outfit that doesn't match hers?  Oh wait, it must be the great proposal from her current husband.  Prediction: Justine will appear smug and attempt to pretend she's surprised. 

Finally we get more of the great love story between Shawn and Sara.  It's time for Sara to pump up the jam, if by jam we mean breasts.  It occurs to Shawn that she may not be all that into him.   

Original air date 2023.04.28

[Andyourlittledog2]

Marcellino's touching televised discussion about how he will always be there for Giovanni rings a little hollow one week later doesn't it?  I hate these two TV whores.  It is probably too much to hope they won't show up again on a later season. I mean, we've gone through three separate guys for Lindsay so far. What's to stop Sharp from milking Britney and Marce once again? 

I hope they both rot there in Florida. Not the kids, though. Dammit. The kids make my desire to curse them both take pause. I don't want the kids to suffer more than they already have. Damn those two.

Edited April 29, 2023 by Andyourlittledog2
Wrong kid's name. Fixed it.

[1011101010001]

Giovanni?

[1011101010001]

That was a depressing episode.  Two couples break up (Marcellino and Brittany, Amber and TC), two couples should break up and don’t (Tayler and Chance, Monique and Derek), two couples are having kids too soon (Justine and Michael, Aris and Cameron), one couple never should have got together (Shawn and Sara).  It’s a sad show when Blaine and Lindsay are the relatively promising couple.  

Edited April 29, 2023 by MrBuhBye

[Andyourlittledog2]

42 minutes ago, MrBuhBye said:

Giovanni?

Thanks. I fixed it. It's a testament to how much I ignore those two that their kids' names escape me.

[HorrrGoodnight]

I hope this is the last we see of Marcelittany.

[zenme]

Before the fighting, I actually wanted Amber and TC to work out. I think he’s no drama and Amber had not learned when and how to approach him with discussions she knows are sensitive to him. 

[anoninrva]

12 hours ago, MrBuhBye said:

That was a depressing episode.  Two couples break up (Marcellino and Brittany, Amber and TC}, two couples should break up and don’t (Tayler and Chance, Monique and Derek), two couples are having kids too soon (Justine and Michael, Aris and Cameron), one couple never should have got together (Shawn and Sara).  It’s a sad slow when Blaine and Lindsay are the relatively promising couple.  

But Shawn enjoyed the new boobies, so it all worked out in the end..

[PrincessPurrsALot]

And so we've reached the end of the season.  A few key takeaways:

• TC and Amber are no more.  Pour one out for their relationship, but expect Amber to drink it before it hits the ground.  With his inability to communicate and desire to have her be a homemaker and her inability to put down the bottle and attempt to deescalate rather than escalate every situation, I think we all saw that coming.  At least they minimized the amount his children were shown.
• Unlike other other failed couple, Marcelino and Brittany.  Yes, the vow renewal was the final death toll.  They dragged out every storyline they could to stay on the show:  mom's an addict, the threesome that likely never was, Brit loves the ladies, Marc loves the ladies, Marc loses at poker, Brit gets a job as a realtor, Marc doesn't want to take care of this kids so he can gamble . . . . Finally we learn one is actually real, Marcie is a major online cheater.  I suspect we could all get photos of little Marcelino is we wanted.  I'll do without. 
• We learned that Cameron is helping the wonderful Lina with math.  He seems like the one this season who is really trying to turn his life around, even if he still thinks he's a talented rapper.  Our ears tell us he's not.  He's working in customer service and trying to think about his drinking.  But he really needs to control his drinking.  Really.  Really really.  Meanwhile he and Aris are expecting a child at the end of a long, hot summer. Because it's always smart to add a lot of stress to a young relationship. 
• Monique said yes to Derek's proposal even though he cannot keep his peen out of random vag for more than a minute.  Yep, that's a relationship that will last, if by last we mean he'll keep screwing up, she'll get upset, bringing in the troops as needed, and forgive him again and again. 
• Shawn and Sara - ugh.  She has new breasts which are currently riding very high but should settle in time.  He drools while looking at them, er, her.  They are both garbage people and terrible parents who of course had a child together.  We'll see how long she continues trying to convince herself that she loves Shawn.  I suspect it will last until a better meal ticket comes along. 
• Finally Lindsey and Blaine.  Jesus is his plug and Lindsey is his OTT me-me-me girlfriend.  Yes, mumbly addict Blaine is much too good for her. Much. Too. Good. 

[anoninrva]

19 minutes ago, PrincessPurrsALot said:

And so we've reached the end of the season.  A few key takeaways:

• We learned that Cameron is helping the wonderful Lina with math.  He seems like the one this season who is really trying to turn his life around, even if he still thinks he's a talented rapper.  Our ears tell us he's not.  He's working in customer service and trying to think about his drinking.  But he really needs to control his drinking.  Really.  Really really.  Meanwhile he and Aris are expecting a child at the end of a long, hot summer. Because it's always smart to add a lot of stress to a young relationship. 
• Shawn and Sara - ugh.  She has new breasts which are currently riding very high but should settle in time.  He drools while looking at them, er, her.  They are both garbage people and terrible parents who of course had a child together.  We'll see how long she continues trying to convince herself that she loves Shawn.  I suspect it will last until a better meal ticket comes along. 
• Finally Lindsey and Blaine.  Jesus is his plug and Lindsey is his OTT me-me-me girlfriend.  Yes, mumbly addict Blaine is much too good for her. Much. Too. Good. 

Sarah's mother is in the running for one of the trashiest people on this show.  That's a very high bar.  Not that Shawn doesn't still suck.

Cameron did what, three or four tequila shots while his sisters rightfully berated him for not putting away the gift?  Why would they gift him with liquor in the first place, though?  Maybe a nice potted plant would have been a better option..

I really hope this is the last we see of Lindsey.  Some people just deserve to be alone.

 

[1011101010001]

40 minutes ago, anoninrva said:

But Shawn enjoyed the new boobies, so it all worked out in the end..

I have a feeling that Shawn is a two-pump chump.

32 minutes ago, PrincessPurrsALot said:

He's working in customer service

A short-tempered person in customer service, what could go wrong?  I know that restaurant was being paid for filming but I hope in real life the manager would have thrown Cameron out for yelling at that waitress like a dog.

[1011101010001]

15 minutes ago, anoninrva said:

Sarah's mother is in the running for one of the trashiest people on this show. 

Her boyfriend looks like Charles Manson and I still think he could do better.

15 minutes ago, anoninrva said:

Some people just deserve to be alone.

Let her go back to Gummy.  Or Dollfucker.

Edited April 29, 2023 by MrBuhBye

[sempervivum]

Despite the 'I'm done with this' ending, we've heard that from you before, Brit. I fully expect these 2 bores to try to extend their (way more than) 15 minutes even further. Their segments are my official litter-box cleaning time on Friday nights.

I hope Blaine/Linds, Amber/Pup, Shawn/Sara are all done now. They've all been back multiple times and have serious stuff they need to work on in private. 

Big Mo/Derek and Mike/Juju ain't going anywhere. They should be shriveling with embarrassment after that episode, but I'd bet cash money they'll be back for the next LAL.

Speaking of embarressment, I wasn't going to watch the upcoming Mama June thing, but I did see the preview after LAL, and Pumpkin's kids are so cute that I may give in. That red-haired baby boy 🥰

ETA: Realized I forgot Chance/Tay. I guess I'm hoping he just gets arrested and sent back to jail, doesn't matter to me what for (as long as it doesn't involve domestic abuse).

Edited April 30, 2023 by sempervivum

[Uncle JUICE]

I think this finally broke my addiction guys. This is a terrible episode of an absolutely awful show. First, please stop with the Lindsey and Blaine stupidity. This story was never real, it doesn't sound anything like it's real, it's literally just a couple of losers thinking this is their big break. If that Blain guy speechified any more, I swear! And a grown up's reaction to problems isn't "Smash an old toilet into a fire I am burning on my own property". Plus the lawyer just calls and says give me $3K to get that ankle monitor off?? No effort at all on the part of this show to make that seem authentic. 

Everyone else I just can't even stand. Tayler and Chance are too sad a storyline. Monique and her tiny husband, Aris and Tiny Montana (that sister had some SOLID BURNS on him), Montana Moron and his Jugalette, you can keep every one of them. I can't take it. I'm out!

[HorrrGoodnight]

On 4/29/2023 at 1:57 PM, MrBuhBye said:

I have a feeling that Shawn is a two-pump chump.

A short-tempered person in customer service, what could go wrong?  I know that restaurant was being paid for filming but I hope in real life the manager would have thrown Cameron out for yelling at that waitress like a dog.

You mean you didn't catch the strong, protective fatherly vibes when Cameron bellowed "AYE,  AYE SHE WANTED STRAWBERRY LEMONADE!!!!!" Anything for his little princess. 

[Jeanne222]

When is the gang reappearing?  I kind of miss them!