S04.E07: Roses Are Red, but Not on the Bed!

[PrincessPurrsALot]

Quote

The Merrifields move into a new house as doubt looms about Roberta. The Epps are divided on sex and dating. Sidian worries if Arielle is the one to join their family. Danielle is taken aback when she learns what is required of her to join the Davises.

Hmm . . . could Bert being having second thoughts about moving in with ever-moist Garrick and sure-I-want-you-here, I-really-love-you-sister Dannielle?  Was she possibly playing them all along? Will her mother be her excuse to not move to the US?  Will she be able to convince Garrick to keep sending money? 

Marcus Epps yet again wants to sex up the potential sister wives as part of the qualifying process.  I mean, it's no vagina steaming but it's still squicky.  Then again, any idea of sex with Marcus is squicky. He shows the sexual emotional maturity of a boy who just had his first wet dream. I believe we know how India feels about Marcus spreading his seed to the masses. 

Sidian worries.  Will we be able to tell?  Will his voice rise above a soft whisper?  Will he seem more excited than a sleeping sloth?  Maybe he'll be so distracted by worry that he'll forget to put on one of his hemp bracelets.

Young one-n Danielle learns more about life with April, Jennifer, and the supposedly appealing, big thinker Nick.  Sure, she seems like a giggly schoolgirl who doesn't think about much beyond the next ten seconds, and yet I think she will take a look at this mess and run away like Lea after spending time watching head of the household Garrick cry his way through a bonding weekend. 

Original air date 2022.07.18

[Pepper Mostly]

Hey frens, very busy day today and I am mad tired, BUT if I am still awake at 10 I will see you here! Otherwise, snark on and I'll catch up with you all tomorrow! MWAH!

[Auntie Anxiety]

Hey, @Pepper Mostly, I managed to bore my son and DIL enough with tales of live chatting and they decided to go to bed early, so I will be joining you! I believe my DIL thinks I’m a bit nuts, but that’s nothing new. Having so many people (4) around is exhausting. They leave tomorrow (yay! I’ll have my house back and won’t have to follow anyone around with coasters) for time with their friends who live in the area and then fly back to the West Coast on Sunday. 

[Auntie Anxiety]

Marcus states his case for not having to ask permission to accidentally fall into a woman’s vagina.

Dannnniellllle figured she’d better wear low cut outfits to compete with The Brazilian Bombshell Roberta, who may or may not show up eventually.

Garrick, aka King of the Family! Oy vey iz mir.

[Auntie Anxiety]

Mother Dannniellllle is bursting their happiness bubble. Hahaha.

[PrincessPurrsALot]

They want Bert pregnant so she would be less likely to leave.  Any right-minded woman meeting Garrick would run for the hills.  Fortunately at that house the hills are right outside. 

[Auntie Anxiety]

Marcus is quite the ladies’ man. That being said, the ladies seem to have no standards.

Marcus didn’t bother to tell his newest victim that he’s got two, possibly three, other women in his “dynamic.”

[PrincessPurrsALot]

Yet another change in the timeline of India joining the family.  Now Marcus s claiming he separated from Taryn, they got back together, then a few months later he started dating India.  India previously said she and Marcus got together while he was separated from Taryn.  And she just confirmed that again.  Marcus lies whenever his mouth is open. 

[Auntie Anxiety]

Marcus is going to “talk” to Janae all night long. Sorry, I’m not buying it.

[South]

While showing off the new house to her parents, for a brief second, Dddd looked as if she could actually be Ick’s sister.  Ick.  

[Auntie Anxiety]

Roberta ghosting Garrick. Garrick starts crying in 3....2.....1...

[PrincessPurrsALot]

Marcus said "dicking her down".  Yep, he's a romantic looking for a new partner to add to the family.  He is 100% sleaze. He just wants to date and get laid whenever he wants with whomever he wants.  He likes to claim he's building a polygamous family.  He is just a  cheater through and through.  India is learning if he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you. Taryn just accepts that he is going to "dick down" anyone who will stay still long enough for him to hit it. 

[Auntie Anxiety]

Insipidian’s little bird chest. How would anyone find that appealing?

[PrincessPurrsALot]

Insipidian's outfit is a choice.  Where exactly does someone find an ensemble like that? 

Arielle looks like she is trying really hard to not look at Insipidian's chest. 

[Auntie Anxiety]

Is Insipidian’s chest tattoo supposed to hypnotize unsuspecting potential sister wives?

[South]

3 minutes ago, PrincessPurrsALot said:

Marcus said "dicking her down".  Yep, he's a romantic looking for a new partner to add to the family.  He is 100% sleaze. He just wants to date and get laid whenever he wants with whomever he wants.  He likes to claim he's building a polygamous family.  He is just a  cheater through and through.  India is learning if he cheats with you, he'll cheat on you. Taryn just accepts that he is going to "dick down" anyone who will stay still long enough for him to hit it. 

That’s what I thought he said.  Dang, he is a charmer

4 minutes ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

Insipidian’s little bird chest. How would anyone find that appealing?

And granny hips

11 minutes ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

Marcus is going to “talk” to Janae all night long. Sorry, I’m not buying it.

Oooh, India, Jesus ain’t talking to Marcus.  Not unless that is his name for his weenie.

[Auntie Anxiety]

Marcus is getting pissed off realizing that Tanya and India actually have opinions.

[South]

3 minutes ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

Is Insipidian’s chest tattoo supposed to hypnotize unsuspecting potential sister wives?

Like Kaa’s eyes.  If only I could be entranced to the point that I could no longer hear their insipid (!) conversation.

2 minutes ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

Marcus is getting pissed off realizing that Tanya and India actually have opinions.

Dang!  He talked her down.

[PrincessPurrsALot]

India should not feel bad about saying she could move down the street.  Clearly she does not want him adding another person to the mix.  Marcus wants to have sex with as many women as he can.  She has every right to say that she is not okay with that. I would call him the worst but we know the battle for the bottom is quite the challenge match this season. 

[South]

5 minutes ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

Marcus is getting pissed off realizing that Tanya and India actually have opinions.

He is.  Their opinions and insight don’t jibe with his gobbledegook, dick-Witchery and lust for talking all night long.

[Auntie Anxiety]

After giving it a lot of thought (hahaha), Nick decided to give Danielle what appears to be a job interview.

Nick figures that if none of these women are married to him, then he gets off scot free when things go down the crapper.

[PrincessPurrsALot]

We need a GIF of Danielle trying to come up with a reaction to Nick's suggestion that she marry sister wife #4.  I think her brain broke for a bit there.  The synapses were firing but they weren't quite connecting. 

[South]

Lord help us.  Bobblehead Danielle is the most sound of mind in that pod.

[Auntie Anxiety]

1 minute ago, South said:

Lord help us.  Bobblehead Danielle is the most sound of mind in that pod.

Kind of like being the tallest little person.

[PrincessPurrsALot]

I think we all remember the song.  I think it's Marcus's personal anthem:

Quote

She was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean
She was the best damn woman that I ever seen
She had the sightless eyes, telling me no lies
Knocking me out with those American thighs

Taking more than her share, had me fighting for air
She told me to come, but I was already there
'Cause the walls start shaking, the Earth was quaking
My mind was aching and we were making it

And you talked me all night long
Yeah, you talked me all night long

He is just looking for some quality all night talk.  Whereas Nick is looking for enough women to squash hm in his sleep. 

[Auntie Anxiety]

I’ll be shocked if Roberta ends up moving away from her mother. Even though Garrick is so irresistible.

[PrincessPurrsALot]

I have a theory that Garrick is not such a sexual dynamo that you need to worry about hearing him sexing up Bert.  I assume the entire sound includes: 1. "Is it in yet?" 2. A grunt from Garrick. 3. The sound of him rolling off. 

[Auntie Anxiety]

Yes, Garrick, she isn’t answering her phone because she is such a giver, always taking care of everyone.

[PrincessPurrsALot]

Jennifer: "Nick helicopters around his love."

Me:

[Auntie Anxiety]

Nick’s devil dick will take whichever sister wife draws the short straw.

[Maybeitsme]

This hot tub time is soooo gross

[South]

Nick wants to know how the sex flows.  Buckle up Buttercups!

[Auntie Anxiety]

Welp, another episode over. Next week: Brenda continues to try to figure out how to have an opinion. Stay safe, be strong and live your best life, fellow snarkers. See you next time. Have a great week.

[Maybeitsme]

Later gaters 

[South]

Yea for Brenda!  She has crawled up from her pit of despair and deposited herself under the soft glow of delusion.  I don’t think that April’s comment means what she thinks it means.  B did look pretty with her hair done and without the usual snot.

7 minutes ago, Maybeitsme said:

Later gaters 

Sleep tight.  

[South]

52 minutes ago, PrincessPurrsALot said:

I have a theory that Garrick is not such a sexual dynamo that you need to worry about hearing him sexing up Bert.  I assume the entire sound includes: 1. "Is it in yet?" 2. A grunt from Garrick. 3. The sound of him rolling off. 

Remember last season when he and Bert unionized in the time that it took Dddd to brush her teeth and gather her Jammies? 

[For Cereals]

Missed the chat but did I hear that right about the sleeping situation?  Garrick gets a huge master and the hamdmaids wives share a room?  GTFOH.  

Say what now, Nick?  What’s the money angle?  There has to be one. Is that the research he does all day?  Danielle, go home and go to school, especially to learn other words besides “you know.”  I’m going to start checking milk cartons for middle wife.  I know she’s an adult but something creeps me out a little there.

[Pepper Mostly]

9 hours ago, PrincessPurrsALot said:

Insipidian's outfit is a choice.  Where exactly does someone find an ensemble like that? 

That outfit looked like it shouldn't be available in any size over 3 Toddler. 

9 hours ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

After giving it a lot of thought (hahaha), Nick decided to give Danielle what appears to be a job interview.

Nick figures that if none of these women are married to him, then he gets off scot free when things go down the crapper.

Nick is a deep thinker. He spends all day thinking about his dick.

9 hours ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

Nick’s devil dick will take whichever sister wife draws the short straw.

"Short straw" is probably also an accurate description of the winning wife's "prize". 

8 hours ago, For Cereals said:

Missed the chat but did I hear that right about the sleeping situation?  Garrick gets a huge master and the hamdmaids wives share a room?  GTFOH.

Damn near fell off the couch. Seven bedrooms in the house, including one for Bert's as yet not conceived babies, but the two wives have to share? 

And what is the kompromat Garrick has on Dannnnnnnielle's parents? I cannot believe that they are cool with this cockamamie arrangement. And they're going to live there too? Dannnnnnnielle says its to keep them close "as they age". I believe that's Dannnnnnnielle for "so they can help me clean (because you know favored wife Bert won't lift a manicured finger) and provide free child care". 

[Pepper Mostly]

God, the sight of Nick sexing up his various women in the hot tub is giving me nausea. Shoving his tongue down one "wife's" throat while the other handmaids look on indulgently. Shudder. 

[Pepper Mostly]

"Danielle isn't fully internalizing the magnitude of what we're asking". Looks like Nick isn't the only deep thinker! 

[PrincessPurrsALot]

The comment that Nick helicopters his sex around gave me visions of him spinning around while naked, spurting all over his (not married to him because that would stoke jealousy) wives. I will leave you with that vision.  You are, of course, very welcome for that. 

[South]

12 hours ago, PrincessPurrsALot said:

We need a GIF of Danielle trying to come up with a reaction to Nick's suggestion that she marry sister wife #4.  I think her brain broke for a bit there.  The synapses were firing but they weren't quite connecting. 

So true.  I expected a spring to boing from one ear and a puff of smoke from the other.

[Madding crowd]

I can’t believe poor Dannielle doesn’t even get her own room in a 4,000 sq foot house after their years of marriage. Also hate all the “he is our king” talk. Really dislike all of these men. Children shouldn’t be exposed to their mothers being treated like they don’t matter. 

[Shelbie]

I would bet $ 50.00 that when Sidian saw how thin his hair looked when he was on the patio he freaked out. He is obsessed with looking cool. Made me laugh.
Why are some of these women sharing beds or bedrooms ? Is it to try to show how close they are ? Even if I could be convinced to share my husband ( I couldn’t ) there is no way I’m sharing a room or bed.

[South]

2 hours ago, Pepper Mostly said:

That outfit looked like it shouldn't be available in any size over 3 Toddler. 

Nick is a deep thinker. He spends all day thinking about his dick.

"Short straw" is probably also an accurate description of the winning wife's "prize". 

Damn near fell off the couch. Seven bedrooms in the house, including one for Bert's as yet not conceived babies, but the two wives have to share? 

And what is the kompromat Garrick has on Dannnnnnnielle's parents? I cannot believe that they are cool with this cockamamie arrangement. And they're going to live there too? Dannnnnnnielle says its to keep them close "as they age". I believe that's Dannnnnnnielle for "so they can help me clean (because you know favored wife Bert won't lift a manicured finger) and provide free child care". 

At least Grand Douche Cody Brown bounced from one wife’s bedroom to the other.  I don’t know if he even had his own little worm hole.  That way none of the wimmin had to sleep on the other’s crusty spots.  So fucking thoughtful.  I think that earlier this season, Dddd was filming the compound and panned to a separate building that was to be her parent’s place.  

Just now, South said:

At least Grand Douche Cody Brown bounced from one wife’s bedroom to the other.  I don’t know if he even had his own little worm hole.  That way none of the wimmin had to sleep on the other’s crusty spots.  So fucking thoughtful.  I think that earlier this season, Dddd was filming the compound and panned to a separate building that was to be her parent’s place.  

Insipidians outfit came with matching tags on the inside, plus a swappable solid color pair of shorts and tank top.

1 minute ago, South said:

At least Grand Douche Cody Brown bounced from one wife’s bedroom to the other.  I don’t know if he even had his own little worm hole.  That way none of the wimmin had to sleep on the other’s crusty spots.  So fucking thoughtful.  I think that earlier this season, Dddd was filming the compound and panned to a separate building that was to be her parent’s place.  

Insipidians outfit came with matching tags on the inside, plus a swappable solid color pair of shorts and tank top.

I think that what time Nick spends NOT a thinking, is spent smiling manically and rubbing his hands together.

[South]

8 minutes ago, Shelbie said:

I would bet $ 50.00 that when Sidian saw how thin his hair looked when he was on the patio he freaked out. He is obsessed with looking cool. Made me laugh.
Why are some of these women sharing beds or bedrooms ? Is it to try to show how close they are ? Even if I could be convinced to share my husband ( I couldn’t ) there is no way I’m sharing a room or bed.

Fuck no!  In fact, there’s no chance in hell that I’d share Partner South, but the truth is, there is a slight bit less chance that I’d share my room.  Get the hell out!

[PrincessPurrsALot]

24 minutes ago, Madding crowd said:

I can’t believe poor Dannielle doesn’t even get her own room in a 4,000 sq foot house after their years of marriage. Also hate all the “he is our king” talk. Really dislike all of these men. Children shouldn’t be exposed to their mothers being treated like they don’t matter. 

Dannielle was trying to sell the "Bert and I will hang out together in our room. It will be like a slumber party.  I loved those when I was young."  In reality, if there is going to be more than one wife, Danielle wants Bert bunking with her so she can enjoy Bert's tears when Garrick is with wifey #3. 

I did enjoy Dannielle's parents smirking through the house tour.  I think mama Dannielle knows full well that Garrick does not have the emotional strength to support the wife and family that he has now.  He certainly cannot provide anything to any additional wives or children. 

18 minutes ago, South said:

Insipidians outfit came with matching tags on the inside, plus a swappable solid color pair of shorts and tank top.

^ Perfect.  (Goes off to check the Garanimals website for this outfit.)

[South]

Does anybody else see Ted Nugent when papa Dddd is on the screen?

[South]

41 minutes ago, Shelbie said:

I would bet $ 50.00 that when Sidian saw how thin his hair looked when he was on the patio he freaked out. He is obsessed with looking cool. Made me laugh.
Why are some of these women sharing beds or bedrooms ? Is it to try to show how close they are ? Even if I could be convinced to share my husband ( I couldn’t ) there is no way I’m sharing a room or bed.

I noticed that it was very…toddler-like in volume when he turned to A as they debarked from their post-intimacy boat ride.  I’ll have to re check the patio scene, for snark’s sake.

[South]

If Bert does actually come to the compound, I wonder how long it will be before he hears God talkin’ to him again?  Maybe then Dddd will get some help around the place.   Dddd will have to encourage and convince her that you can indeed tend to the king’s castle through bitter, heartbroken tears.  He was with Dddd for double digit years before God started chatting him up, but I don’t think it will take as long for the bloom to be off the rose, uh, I mean for the Almighty to come-a-callin’ as before, since he  now has the green light.