S04.E3: Can’t Clip These Wings

[PrincessPurrsALot]

Quote

The Epps are dating, but not everyone is on the same page. The Merrifields bond with Lea, but red flags leave them questioning things. The Joneses have a potential sister wife, but the distance between them is worrisome. Nick Davis brings home a surprise.

The Epps are dating can also be read as Marcus is dating because he is so desperate to prove that women want him that he'll never stop going after them even though his wives are seething.

Dannielle Merrifield bonds with Lea.  Garrick is too busy bonding with his overactive tear ducts and the Brazilian bombshell with whom he communicates through simple hand gestures and even more simplistic statements.  Apparently Portuguese is a language that only people born in Portugal or Brazil can master.  Garrick prefers to speak with his tears and red face. 

Don't worry Garrick, Bert finger-hearts you too.  I'm sure you each have pee chee folders that you draw hearts on with your initials in them - GM + R? 4 ever.  At least on Roberta's she can probably fill in both of your initials.  

The Joneses start shopping long distance because no one within 100 miles of them wants anything to do with poor man's Johnny Depp Sidian and his beaming sycophant wife. 

Hm, Nick Davis brings home a surprise.  Could it be syphilis? Chlamydia? It's probably another wife, but I wouldn't be surprised if he also brought home an STD.  I sense none of this crew has the sense to wrap it up before slipping it in. 

Original air date 2022.06.20

[Pepper Mostly]

OK peeps, I stayed up late to chat this bitch. Lets snark!

[candall]

I am here, but WOW, 9:00 on Friday with a cocktail seems much easier than 10 p.m. on Monday.

Okay, I just honed in.  Who are these people?

[Pepper Mostly]

Just now, candall said:

I am here, but WOW, 9:00 on Friday with a cocktail seems much easier than 10 p.m. on Monday.

I feel that. Even though I'm retired! 10 is late for me. But no sacrifice is too great for you, my fellow snarkers.

Oh poor Marcus. His granny died. And only a new home for his peen could cheer him up. Aw. 

[candall]

Okay, here we go.  I just start laughing as soon as Gareth comes on the screen, whining into his phone to Brazil.

[Auntie Anxiety]

Dreck is as repulsive as ever.

[Pepper Mostly]

Dannnnnnnielle looks like she's trying not to hurl in that intro pic. 

Oh Garrick. Your poignant pain is so moving. Not.

Garrick is going to try for a quickie with Lea while he peels the cucumbers. Heh heh. 

Lea. What you're feeling isn't "vibes". It's nausea.

[candall]

Someone please tell me why on earth this woman has any interest in getting involved with this international clusterfuck?

[Auntie Anxiety]

Do you think he wears those boots to bed? His height insecurities explain a lot. 

Dannnnielllllle is planning a mean girls revolt. Roberta is in the crosshairs.

[candall]

Garrick!  i thought it was Gareth.  For what, two years?  Geeeeez.

It's suddenly clearer to me why people have been referring to him as Ick.

[Pepper Mostly]

Hoo boy, the body language. Dannnnnnnielle won't settle for anything less than head bitch in charge. The sooner Lea learns this the better. 

[Auntie Anxiety]

I thought his name was Derek.

[candall]

Just now, Pepper Mostly said:

Hoo boy, the body language. Dannnnnnnielle won't settle for anything less than head bitch in charge. The sooner Lea learns this the better. 

But such an improvement over when she was a damp little shred of used Kleenex, wadded up in the corner.

[Auntie Anxiety]

Just now, candall said:

But such an improvement over when she was a damp little shred of used Kleenex, wadded up in the corner.

Maybe our stern words did some good.

[Maybeitsme]

So Lea thinks Garrick 🤔 likes her, but I don't see it. I think this is all Danielle.  And the reason is Bert, also known as little wife 😉 and pain in big wifes a@@

[candall]

Sidian's back.    🤮

[Auntie Anxiety]

Oy. This selfish hipster and his Squeaky Fromm “wife.”

[Pepper Mostly]

Here comes Sidian and his wanna be cult. 

Oh, you're in love with the lifestyle, are you? You haven't had to share your creepy man yet, you skank. 

1 minute ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

Oy. This selfish hipster and his Squeaky Fromm “wife.”

She's Norma from "Orange is the New Black"

[candall]

The Sidian cult has a new transgender feature.  Somebody at TLC got a pay bump.

[Pepper Mostly]

SIDIAN YOU HAVE NOT BEEN DATING HER. SHE LIVES IN THE PHILIPPINES. 

[Auntie Anxiety]

Simian looks like he could easily become an ax murderer at the slightest provocation.

[candall]

Miss Phillippines?!?!?!  Great emotional intelligence.  World peace.

[Pepper Mostly]

1 minute ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

Simian looks like he could easily become an ax murderer at the slightest provocation.

Let one of those sister wives start emitting less of that warm and nurturing energy. Hell to pay. 

[Auntie Anxiety]

Arielle, don’t get involved with this lunatic. I’m warning you.

[Pepper Mostly]

God, each guy is creepier than the last. 

[Auntie Anxiety]

Nick took some time away from sitting around thinking to make some breakfast.

[candall]

Oh, clap clap clap.  This guy's my favorite.  He's well on his way to dickmatizing #3.

[Pepper Mostly]

Looks like la familia Nick is going to have to pony up for a bigger bed. 

[Auntie Anxiety]

Nick must be very well hung, because I’m not seeing the attraction.

[Pepper Mostly]

1 minute ago, Auntie Anxiety said:

Nick took some time away from sitting around thinking to make some breakfast.

He was thinking "man, I'm hungry. What's good for hunger? Oh, I know!" Gets up and heats up the waffle iron. Genius!

[Auntie Anxiety]

Well, at least she isn’t still wearing that red schmata.

1 minute ago, Pepper Mostly said:

He was thinking "man, I'm hungry. What's good for hunger? Oh, I know!" Gets up and heats up the waffle iron. Genius!

Hilarious.

[Auntie Anxiety]

Heeeerrrrrreeeee’sss Shawty.

[candall]

Crazy, I know, but it's jarring to me that he gets to bring home the fresh strange and jaunt off to the bedroom with her, after their "date."  Ashley Snowden had her set of Rules 1-20 before anything physical was allowed to happen--and that made more sense to me.  (Next, you have to be vegan for at least six weeks so our vagina pH is in sync.")

Anyway, the only way I see the two other women being okay with Nick and the new one is if they're looking forward to sharing a bed without him, for once.

[Pepper Mostly]

And here's Marcus, who's in the running to out-skeeveeven Garrick. He is just so smarmy.

[candall]

Is Marcus the one with the first two women we saw?

[Auntie Anxiety]

Let me repeat: She’s a hairdresser.

This guy is a politician, right? Wonder how many tax dollars and kickbacks have managed to find  their way into his wallet by accident, of course.

[Pepper Mostly]

2 minutes ago, candall said:

Anyway, the only way I see the two other women being okay with Nick and the new one is if they're looking forward to sharing a bed without him, for once.

They're poly or I'll eat my hat. The women are married to each other, and they all sleep in the same bed? They're looking for some alone time while Nick dips the old wick with the new girl.

[crazycatlady58]

All four of these guys have enormous egos with no evidence that there is anything to back it up.

[Pepper Mostly]

You don't do much "outside of us" because no decent people will have anything to do with you. 

[candall]

This guy is going to kill himself when he sees what a setup Nick has arranged for his household stable.

[Pepper Mostly]

How come the men are the only ones who get to have a sex drive? The women are cheerfully accepting sloppy seconds. Or thirds. Don't they deserve the chance to "share the love"? 

[candall]

I tried to watch this Mama's Boy shit, but it made me too mad.

4 minutes ago, Pepper Mostly said:

How come the men are the only ones who get to have a sex drive? The women are cheerfully accepting sloppy seconds. Or thirds. Don't they deserve the chance to "share the love"? 

Nope.

[Pepper Mostly]

Garrick always looks so....sweaty. He's perpetually damp. 

[Auntie Anxiety]

Ick is a whiny bitch.

[Pepper Mostly]

Oh, this sparkling conversation. I can hardly contain my glee. They're about as interesting as a bowl of cold mashed potatoes.

[Auntie Anxiety]

Lea, the purpose of another wife is to become Ick’s maid servant, which you cannot do if you are gone 12 hours a day.

[Pepper Mostly]

Garrick's face just slammed shut.

"Enjoy the family". I guess that's Garrick for "give me a blow job".

[Auntie Anxiety]

He’s asking Lea to give up her career. Fuck you, asshole.

[Pepper Mostly]

"We can't control you emotionally and financially if you work and have your own money"

[Auntie Anxiety]

The Roloff kid’s legs look worse.