S14.E10: Mighty Mighty Boston Bonds

[Yeah No]

6 hours ago, Kdawg82 said:

Thank you. I needed to hear that after the stressful week I've been having. I'll remember your words when I go on vacay with M-I-L next week and remind myself to be kind at all times. It's a struggle. But I began to envy these mellow people in my middle years now. I feel like it's elegant and classy to talk quietly and I'm a louder Jersey Girl 😖. I guess someone really got into my head lol. I'm not even from a culture considered to be loud so it's just purely the suburban Jersey influence. 

I am of half Sicilian descent from NYC living in CT.  I have had to learn to tone myself down somewhat to live in New England because people around here are definitely much less emotionally expressive and talk at lower volumes than people from the NY/NJ area in general.  Don't be down on yourself - I spent too many years feeling like people were looking down on me for being who I was and it's not worth it, trust me.  

[Elizzikra]

Quote

I don't think Noi is necessarily inherently better at being a stay at home parent than Steve just by virtue of being a woman, but she still might be better, at least in her mind and that's what the article was getting at.  Not whether men or women are better in general, but how the women feel about their husbands taking on that primary role.  And they don't always love it or feel comfortable with it for many different reasons.  And that's what @KRISTEN111 was saying, that she wouldn't feel comfortable with it.  There are many reasons not to feel comfortable with it that don't imply that women are better at it in general.

I guess my point is the no one ever asks the men how they feel about it; we just assume they also think the women will be more comfortable with it or be better at it. Men may not always love being the breadwinners or not feel comfortable with their wives being SAHMs but we tend to not talk about that. For all we know, maybe Steve thinks he is the better stay at home husband and eventual parent than Noi. 

[kristen111]

9 hours ago, Kdawg82 said:

Thank you. I needed to hear that after the stressful week I've been having. I'll remember your words when I go on vacay with M-I-L next week and remind myself to be kind at all times. It's a struggle. But I began to envy these mellow people in my middle years now. I feel like it's elegant and classy to talk quietly and I'm a louder Jersey Girl 😖. I guess someone really got into my head lol. I'm not even from a culture considered to be loud so it's just purely the suburban Jersey influence. 

Lol, and I’m from Long Island, and we are loud.  Speaking about MIL’s, mine was a challenge.  Rather a pain in the ass.  She would always watch what I was eating, and make a remark.  Maybe because my husband always praised me.  I took a lot of crap from her and am sorry now that I did.  I should of moved a few towns away.  Too late.  Some mother in laws are jealous that their sons are happy, so always have to say something.  I love my sons in laws and daughter in law, and let them know it.   Lots of luck on the vacation.  I’ve been there.  When we were first married, he told her my Sunday gravy was better than hers, and that’s what did it, lol. 🤣

[ByTor]

5 minutes ago, kristen111 said:

Lol, and I’m from Long Island, and we are loud.  Speaking about MIL’s, mine was a challenge.  Rather a pain in the ass.  She would always watch what I was eating, and make a remark.  Maybe because my husband always praised me.  I took a lot of crap from her and am sorry now that I did.  I should of moved a few towns away.  Too late.  Some mother in laws are jealous that their sons are happy, so always have to say something.  I love my sons in laws and daughter in law, and let them know it.   Lots of luck on the vacation.  I’ve been there.  When we were first married, he told her my Sunday gravy was better than hers, and that’s what did it, lol. 🤣

Taking to small talk.

[Starlight925]

I, like Noi, would want my guy to go to work every day.  For me, it's not just about the money, but about the attraction I feel towards a partner who is ambitious, has goals, has things to share about his work at the end of the day, and who is engaged in the working world, as I am.

It's not about who is the stay-at-home parent, or who wipes down the counters.  But rather about a shared partnership.

And it's not about money.  The guy could be a schoolteacher making a lot less.  It's about his sense of engagement and drive.  And not about who scrubs the toilets.

I believe that Noi wants this guy to come home to from a day of work like she's had, so they can share their daily work stories over the glass of wine & meal that they make together & clean up together (albeit overcooked noodles aside, lol).

I get how Noi feels, as I dated a guy years ago who had saved/invested, and had quit his job, and spent his days walking at parks, etc.

 I couldn't regain my attraction, as I felt he had become too Beta.  Which is what I sense in Steve, and I feel that Noi senses this too.

Edited March 13, 2022 by Starlight925

[Emma Snyder]

Hey all! People who are loud talkers and picky mothers-in-law are certainly valid matters to discuss (I mean, who doesn't like some good MIL tea??), but not here in the episode thread. I moved some posts over to small talk. Please keep that type of discussion there and episode discussion here.  Thanks in advance!

[Kdawg82]

Jasmina lost me once I finished the episode. She is rude to Michael. He turned her off at some point and this marriage has derailed. I'm surprised since she's an early childhood educator and doesn't seem super patient. 

[Lindz]

O's approach is so wrong, among the obvious. How does he think criticizing and making Kat feel bad will make her change? How is negativity motivating? No only that, she's afraid he'll leave & that's awful. I'm not convinced guilting really worked for Noi. How'd she suddenly grow a conscience because Steve was "hurt" by her leaving. She didn't care at the time so why would she care later? Just because he cares doesn't mean she does. The right approach is them operating as a TEAM & focusing on what would work for the BOTH of them. Sadly, being instantly married doesn't make a lot of people stop being self-centered. That's a huge flaw that sabotages a lot of these marriages.

[Dreamawake719]

Alright, I know I will keep prefacing my posts with this because I am behind and catching up, and am sorry if this has already been discussed... But did anyone else notice what Lindsey did with her hand near the beginning of the episode during her video call with her friend when discussing the lack of sex, when her friend said "I'm surprised you're still in this relationship"? It looked like the "rubbing your fingers together in regard to money" (?) gesture... possibly in regard to the show? (contracts, whatnot?). She's been more than vocal about what she thinks about Mark's finances, so she's not sticking around for a free ride from him.