Lantern7

If you're interested, Amy is going on a "Back Door Tour" this year. And it turns out she'll be ending it where I live, so now I'm tempted to get tickets to see her again.

Tony can take a lesson on how to celebrate from Spencer . . . at least try to keep it quiet. And I never got the appeal of LJ, so things weren't distressing for me this week. We might get an interesting ending this season, even if Tony pounds his meat on a regular basis and gets the Tyler Perry Diary Of A Mad Idol in the next few episodes.

I forget . . . why is Theresa barf-worthy?

When an episode is slated to run for ninety minutes, and the ensuing repeat runs for 60, that can mean one thing: a behind-the-scenes peek into The Challenge with The After Show. To be honest, I'm usually down on the idea of an "After Show." For one thing, I'm usually watching The Daily Show at 11 p.m. For another, we tend to get overwhelmed with the input of the Challengers, as the drama spills over from the show. Call me old-fashioned, but I liked it before when all we'd get was reunion after the season ended. I'll tune in this Thursday because TDS is in repeats, but I'll probably DVR the After Show and watch it at my own leisure.

One upside that didn't happen in the movie and last week: somebody did the "Hail, Hydra!" double-armed salute. Come on, that shit is hysterical as hell. It's like the "Heil Hitler" salute wasn't good enough with one arm, and Hydra wanted to supersize it. I dig Garret as the bad guy, because he's more entertaining than the good guys most of the time. Ward as Hydra also works . . . and I just realized why him not liking the Patriots is funny. Now . . . Adrian Pasdar with a pencil mustache? That's going to take getting used to . . . not to mention I have to accept that Talbot's death in Hulk is now officially non-canon, even though I consider that movie way better than The Incredible Hulk. Also: imagining Peter Petrelli needing an airplane to fly. Patton Oswalt as the Desmond of SHIELD? Sure . . . why not? Only way he could be funnier is if his character is a fan of KFC's dinner bowls.

Good episode. I don't have trouble with Time-Warner, but I loved Amy's angry phone face. And now I have "Hello M'lady" in my head in case I get too gaga over a woman. Thanks, Amy!

Thanks. All I can remember is Jodi trying to de-mummy herself and falling down. Then, after Veronica won, Rachel's bleating, "AND YOU PICKED HER!" followed by Dan jeering, "Karma's a bitch!" I think that was the ugliest part of the season . . . and I wasn't even a fan of Jodi. Or maybe the ugliest part was after the Karamo/Landon Inferno, when Abram went on and on about how Karamo had no dignity . . . and I'm all, "Bitch, have you LOOKED in a mirror lately?!?"

Lucky you. I can still hear Beth cackling anytime I think of this season. And I forgot about Aneesa's little outburst, which I did indeed wrote about. Now I got Aneesa yelling in my head, and Timmy's behind her and making fun of her. Once again: I miss Timmy.

Bella . . . they're the only team that hasn't finished in the back of the pack. I'd say they're due to finish in the top 3, if not winning the race outright.

I don't get the hate for these two. I haven't found Dave to be offensive with his tongue-in-cheek comments, and I like Conner just fine. It's not like they beat off like the Afghanimals after succeeding in tasks, and they haven't overstayed their welcomes like other teams. I know it's a matter of perspective, but it bugs me.

Like I said, I'm mostly mad because Chet might have been able to beat Frank, and Frank getting eliminated first would've been awesome. Every time he opens his trap, he sets LGBT rights back about fifty years.

Ending left a bad taste in my mouth. Teams need to figure out answers on their own, not mooch off others. And I would think the Globetrotters would be worldly enough to know Roman numerals. Sucked that Jessica & John got eliminated, mostly because Jessica looked like she had a great time out there. John's probably husband material . . . but as a Racer? Average at best. Thankfully, Phil didn't go "oy vey" again . . . once again, that's never not funny. Even when you don't hear it, watching Phil throw out his arms kills me. I don't need to see Brendan & Rachel win another leg. Man, they suck. I'm still pulling for Dave & Conner, even if they did give the Country Girls second place. They've raced well for most of the show . . . why shouldn't they win? I'm amazed Dave went for a hard-running Roadblock, especially with his son ranking on him about his Achilles. Chariot race was a bit of a joke. I know that having Racers engaged in actual chariots would've been a nightmare, but R/C cars? BTW, if they had the Gnomes behind the "horses," they would've been breaking every five minutes. Travelocity would have a conniption. Now, the gladiators? Hard. Core. And it's nice to see that they are some folks that the Afghanimals won't hug afterward. Next week: donkeys!

I had a weekend ticket to Asbury Park Comicon. Because I was exhausted today and the travel time, I wound up eating today's admission price. It's not a bad con, but there is so little parking. Once you find a spot, you have to pay a meter. I wound up paying $10 for the whole day, because I didn't know how long I'd be there. I didn't get to hit any panels, but I did wind up getting four sketches: Winter Solider Slade Wilson (Arrow) Nick Fury Kaku (One Piece) I think my next "event" is going to be in conjunction with Free Comic Book Day. There's a place in NJ that I sometimes hit, but there might be activity closer to home. That happens on May 3, in less than three weeks.

Wait . . . so Japanese Chins don't typically go into neurotic spins? I thought that was oddly cute.

Actually, IIRC, Dustin did gay-for-pay porn before his stint in Vegas.

Gauntlet 2 was the last season I recapped in full. Why did I stop? Because it was a hot mess Because it became a one-sided affair. And because of fucking Beth . . . or, as Timmy called her, "Bad Beth & Beyond." Seriously, you guys, I miss Timmy. The Gauntlet format got tweaked . . . each team had male and female captains, with the losing team's captain being forced to face one of his/her own teammates in the Gauntlet. It was a kinky premise, but it would doom Derrick into fighting five times in total. The teams were separated into "Veterans" (those who had competed in two or more Challenges) and "Rookies" (one Challenge or fewer). For some reason, Jamie Murray was put in with the Rookies, even though he competed in (and won) Extreme Challenge and Battle of the Sexes. The Rookies probably didn't need him, as they won ten of 16 missions en route to winning the season. Derrick became the poster boy of this Challenge, as he was sent into the Gauntlet by his teammates, and he wound up beating Adam Larson, who had been the ringleader of the anti-Sarah faction in the original Gauntlet. As his team underachieved, Derrick was forced to battle for his life, taking out Ace, Syrus and Brad. What most people take away, however, was how he murdered an innocent table. The Veterans couldn't decide whether to send in David or Timmy into the Gauntlet, and an exasperated Derrick took it out on the table, kicking the legs out before stomping it to death. In the end, Timmy halted Derrick's streak at four, taking the wee Challenger out of the game before the finale. Derrick's struggles were compounded by the uselessness of Beth, who weighed down her team like an albatross. She was able to stay in the game by beating captain Ruthie, using her girth to drag Ruthie to defeat in Reverse Tug-Of-War. She would later dispatch Montana in the same game, giggling and cackling at the defeat of one of her biggest critics. However, when Aneesa got a chance to play Beach Brawl, Beth turned yellow and quit the game, sparing herself some probably scraps in the process. This was also the first season host by BMX biker TJ Lavin. Personally, I think that he's turned into a poor man's Jeff Probst over the years . . . which is weird, since Jeff Probst has turned out to be a poor man's Jeff Probst. My least fave moment came in the reunion, when we found out that he had called Syrus "motherfucker," which set the usually jovial contestant off. Teege hasn't done much to dissuade me from that impression. What else . . . there's the Mark/Robin drama, with Mark uppercutting the bus from inside; Alton's awesomeness that season, culminating with making Danny his bitch in the Gauntlet; Julie actually behaving in her final Challenge appearance; and the clusterfuck that was the final mission. You can read about the season here. Maybe you'll understand why I didn't move onto Fresh Meat afterward.

I forgot about that, NichD. Remember Tonya sticking rocks in her mouth to warm them up? Or the guy-on-guy-on-guy sawing? Then there was Veronica going "Blow and suck! Blow and suck! Use your hands!!" in an interview. I'm amazed my TV didn't explode from the raw sexuality of it all. And if you really want to feel old, that was Aneesa's second season out of ten. ETA: Apparently, you can only edit your posts after a certain period of time. I found that out because I goofed on Ayanna's quote . . . it was "I SLEPT IN MY UNIFORM LAST NIGHT BECAUSE I WANTED TO WIN TODAY!!!" Man, she ate a lot of crazy wafers, didn't she?

I met Challenge fan Bill Simmons at a signing for The Book Of Basketball. I suggested that Inferno II was the last great Challenge season, and he agreed with me. Granted, I think he could only talk with me for so long, but I'd like to think I'm right about this. Inferno II divided players into "Good Guys" and "Bad Asses." The system was kinda flawed, given how pains in the ass like Shovonda and Julie were considered to be "good." And, for a short while, the forces of badness seemed to be winning out. One painful example came when the Good Guys chose Veronica to be in the Inferno, utilizing some stratagem I can't be bothered to remember. The Bad Asses took it out on Jodi, who was blamed for coming up with the plan. In the end, Jodi lost the Inferno, and the Bad Asses jeered her to the point where a. I would turn on Dan Renzi from that moment on, and b. I wouldn't have been surprised if they dumped pig's blood on her. Then you had Veronica jumping into Rachel's brawny arms and wrapping her legs around her, which . . . ick. If you dismiss Karamo throwing an Inferno on his own and Beth leaving, the Bad Asses lost only once in the Inferno (when Dan got beat). But a funny thing happened . . . as the Good Guys' numbers dwindled, they started winning more missions. In the end, they were reduced to four players: Mike (in what would be his finale), Darrell (about to win his third out of a record four Challenges), Landon (a rookie about to win his first of three) and Jamie (in her sole Challenge before going into film). In the final mission, the Good Guys helped each other in the long run, while the heinous bitches on the other side (Rachel, Veronica, Tina) disparaged Tonya the entire way. From what I understand, Tonya went out partying the night before the final mission. I'd like to think that the Bad Asses would've won if they bothered to treat her like a human being. She took out Julie and Shavonda . . . that alone deserves some respect. What do I take away from this season? I remember Jon getting taken out in the first Inferno, leading to one of Beth's few sincere moments (as well as a crying jag from Julie). I remember Tonya dumping Beth's clothes in the pool, which lead to the bloated one fleeing. I remember Julie sabotaging her team's chances by trying to ride a mini bike over a narrow path, muttering "The road to God is straight and narrow" while her teammates screamed for her to stop. I remember Veronica being unable to handle crabs, which still strikes me as funny. And I remember Brad and Abram's intense Inferno, followed by a victorious Abram all but challenging Darrell to a fistfight. Remember that? "Send me tonight, you little poodle!" Good times . . . unless you were Brad. What do you take away from Inferno II? To help jog your memories, I'd like to share my recaps from back then, going from the preview special to the finale. For instance, I was just reminded about how Mike gave Brad a wedgie, and Brad calling Mike a "meathead" in an interview. "NOW IT'S A NECKLACE!!" Good times . . . unless, once again, you were Brad.

Funny you should ask . . . rat terrier puppies will be featured on tomorrow night's episode. We're still waiting on Min Pins, though.

I'm caught up . . . caught CA:TWS yesterday and saw the episode tonight. Not much new I can bring except this: is anybody else annoyed that nobody did the HYDRA salute? It's the double "Sieg Heil" arms that always makes me laugh because it's so damn goofy. Ward is a dickbag. With our luck, though, Skye will probably be the one to kneecap him. ETA: Hand not being HYDRA was unexpected, as was her death. The part where she thought Coulson was HYDRA? Unexpected and a little dumb in hindsight.

Chet, you hipster doofus douchebag. You quit the game because your face got cut, and you wanted to get stitches right away?!? Fuck you. Seriously, fuck you and your psuedo-career with MTV. Okay, okay, I'll admit it . . . if Chet wasn't facing Frank, I wouldn't be as upset. Frank always needs to be knocked down a peg or five. Chet looked like he would hang in there, but then he gave up. And if Frank winds up winning, I'd like someone to feed Chet his own glasses. I will admit that the gameplay idea is pretty sound, and that I like the "no one is safe" vibe. I didn't like the first mission, though, because there should've been more of an emphasis as to what failure would mean . . . like, say, the slowest overall time on the log plus five minutes. The people blur together for me, so I don't have much of an opinion of the people I'm neutral on. I would not want to fuck with LaToya now that she's (figuratively) tasted blood. From the trailer, all I can remember is 1. CT is going to get voted into Elimination, and 2. Isaac is going to be stupid enough to piss him off. That sucks . . . I want to like both of them.

It's nice . . . makes me want to cry about getting rid of Lindsey because her partner Stephen is a flaming dope. Or automatically boot Beth. Good times. :)

Is there anyone left to root for? It's like everybody is either flawed or non-existent to me. I didn't even know Morgan until she started acting up. Speaking of Morgan . . . shouldn't Spencer have tried to save her in order to boot Tony? I think he's the most insufferable, and watching him getting blindsided would've been epic. But Spencer had to keep his idol, and Morgan bitchfaced onto the jury. And I think the edit monkeys are jerking us around with the promise of a majority shake-up.

I had fun with most of the episode, even though the video game sketch seemed lifted from Doonesbury storylines . . . which, sadly, are lifted from real life. And if anybody can translate the bleeping from the mancave sketch, I'd . . . actually, I might not want to know what Amy and Zach were talking about. I liked the prom sketch. Reminded me of a bit she did about how she was dating her high school crush, and he was expecting her to show at his graduation. Throw in dental dams and Tweet, and it's awesome.

Yes, chihuahuas have been covered.