Lantern7

I might as well start here with a "salute" to last night's episode of Arrow . . .

Shapeshifter . . . in one continuity, a teenaged Oliver Queen wound up having a child named Connor Hawke. You can read about him here . . . Connor was a casualty of the latest DC Comics "reboot" of continuity.

STFU, Tyler. STFU, Tyler. No, seriously, shut the fuck up. I think BMP will be trying my patience with every After Show, bringing in one loathsome "expert" after another. Tyler easily hurdled the bar that Susie set up last week. It should be interesting to see who will try and raise the bar of obnoxiousness next time. And I gotta hand it to Jasmine for not punching Nia in the face. Lord knows she was asking for it. Jasmine also gets points for acknowledging the pain and suffering Nia went through, even as most fans would be laughing their asses off. And damn, I LOVED the "karma bites" portion of the show, with people shitting on Frank. Couldn't happen to a more deserving assholes, IMHO.

I thought the episode was "The Thumbsucker." That's what it said on Time Warner. NichD . . . you don't know Nia? Man, you are lucky. Nia was brought in about a third into RW: Portland, and she suuuuuuuuuuuucked. She got away with punching Averey and Johnny, all while working on a "book" about gold digging. Watching her struggle then lose to Cara Maria did my heart good. The bad news is that she will be brought back by BMP in future Challenges. Whatever . . . if she gets more karmic comeuppance, that would be awesome. And fuck Frank. Fuck Frank hard and long. He sucks as a human being, and I'm not buying the notion that he's done with the Challenges. He may talk like he's better than the show and those that keep coming back, but he'll keep sucking on that teet until he's blue in the face. Fuck Frank Sweeney, end of story.

Blood killing Slade? I can't see that happening. If anybody will kill Slade, it'll probably be Malcolm Merlyn, especially if he's set up to be the Big Bad of S3. And it'll be cheap as hell, because Slade is unbeatable. I can't see Oliver beating Slade right now without a major ass-pull.

I'm still stunned by the sudden death even with the blatant telegraphing in play. Moira's death obscures stuff like the Queen money woes*, Laurel's non-appearance, and Roy going Zombie Red Lantern to the point of manslaughter. All because Slade Wilson is a bastard that can't let shit slide. *In the comics (pre-new52 canon, anyway), didn't Ollie lose his fortune before becoming a "hero of the people"? It's not like I'd expect Amell to grow a comical goatee, but that could be a new status quo in an upcoming season.

Well, that sucked. Spencer misplays his idol, "Jeremy" goes out, and Tony now has an erection that is visible from orbit. Yes, I know the imagery is gross, but it's true . . . and the only way Tony doesn't make it to Day 39 now is if he loses all the blood flow from his brain and he's medevac'd out. Seriously, Tony makes me conflicted. He's a primo asshole, but he's an asshole that hustles. We didn't see anybody else try to find the idol . . . and if these are fans of the show, they should know the basics of Hantzing for an idol (e.g., looking around odd-looking locales that stick out). Maybe Tony deserves to win. Maybe we can forgive him for making like Gollum over the One Ring. If only he had more humility, and if only Probst and Burnett never listened to Tyler Fucking Perry. Also sucky: Jefra's wishy-washy ways. At least try to pretend that you might make a big move. Give us more entertainment! You can only get enough fun out of Probst talking aloud about "balls" and "poles." David Jacoby from Grantland might have a point about Woo being a stoner. Great vote-out line from Spencer . . . if only it actually meant something.

I stayed at a fancy hotel a few weeks ago. Aside from Rachel Dratch doing everything short of cunnilingus, I could identify with the sketch. It felt way too fancy for the likes of me. For God's sake, I even had a bottle opener! I'm sure that Amy exaggerates her problems/plainness. I reckon she's pretty hot.

RIP Agent Koenig. May you get your lanyard right away when you arrive in Secret Agent Heaven. Damn . . . dunno if Skye is brave or stupid for going with Ward.

Taylorh2 . . . okay, you got me there, though I wouldn't be surprised if Brenchel talked shit about Dave & Conner first. This is how deep into those two I am right now, though I acknowledge that I could jump off the bandwagon in the next few weeks. To be honest, I do wonder whether I'm being contrary about the O'Learys for the sake of being contrary. And then there are times where I hope the final task before the finish line is a bike ride, and Dave & Conner whiz by a struggling Brendan & Rachel to win the game. I'm not saying I'm right . . . this is just how I feel.

Season opener . . . disappointing. Very disappointing. Why start a season with the questioning of Tom's manhood? This felt like a rehash of "Tom, Sarah & Usher," with a Chris Brown/Justin Bieber type standing in for Usher. And Sarah comes off as an awful person as well . . . which sucks, since she's supposed to be one of the saner members of the cast. Aside from finding out that Michael B. Jordan can sing, this was a sucky episode. Next week: the start of the status quo change, with Granddad being millions in the hole, and Ruckus rubbing salt in the wound. BTW, I counted eight instances of a certain word. Also, they bleep out "shit," but "asshole" is fair game.

I'm not breaking away from the team. If Dave wants to get his bitch on about Brenchel, I have no problems with that whatsoever.

Kara . . . tonight's leg was the last one where the Cowboys could have used the Express Pass, and they burned it on the Detour.

Tukahar . . . maddening, right? It feels like it goes against logic, but that's how it's always been . . . if you get U-Turned, you can do the same to another team. I'm rooting for a sausage fest finale. I can root for the Cowboys and Afghanimals, and I don't see how Dave & Conner are total assholes (though I do see the cracks) . . . but I can't pull for moochers like the Country Girls, and I don't want a Big Brother-spawned team winning.

I'm still on the Dave/Conner train, ride or die. I think that Dave complaining about dissing a "60-year-old" man was tongue-in-cheek, though I know the other stuff from him is harder to defend. On one side, you have a pair of cancer survivors who -- at minimum -- would have contended for the $1 million had one of them hadn't pulled up lame. On the other side, you have a stuntcast team from a show that is inferior to The Amazing Race, and one of them thinks they're an unstoppable team with God. I can't break with my view. I just can't. I'm sad to see the Globetrotters go, but they could've raced a lot smarter. I kept waiting for the judge to scream, "IT'S THE BOX! YOU PUT THE BOX ON THE DONKEY'S BACK!! MAMMA FRIGGIN' MIA!!!"

I say it was. At one point, they were showing what happens after a contestant (in this case, Dustin) is eliminated. He winds up going under the house, where his stuff is packed. After staying at a hotel, he goes home. It's more interesting than I make it sound.

I don't think anyone put a gun to J-Mo's head. He's hosted three Challenges . . . maybe he wants the After Show because it's just his speed. That's a shame, since even at his most stoned-looking, he still made for a better host that Teege.

I was genuinely surprised by The After Show. We had Jonny Moseley hosting, a guy who should be in TJ's place. We had no studio audience with the average IQ of dirt. We got to see more hook-ups and fights. We had Susie doing commentary . . . which blows, since a. she's a bitch, and b. she hasn't been on a Challenge since The Ruins. I'm dreading seeing Kenny and/or Evan again. Still, I think The After Show didn't blow, which was nice.

No wonder Frank wants to quit the Challenges . . . Lady Luck fucking hates him. I laughed out loud when he had to draw the kill card, even when I realized that previews gave it away that he'd survived. Poor Dustin . . . I know I shouldn't feel bad for him, but he's way better than Frank could ever hope to be. I'm pissed off that newcomers to the show will think Frank as unfortunate. No, he's going into Elimination because Karma has been waiting for him for some time. Camila/Nany . . . okay, how did this fight spill out of CT paying for drinks? It's so hard for me to keep track of the fights. I can imagine Big Easy sitting at home, wondering why he's the bad guy for quitting on Camila, when it's plain to see that she's a psycho hose beast. I think she's the one that was berating CT for no real reason. Bitch crazy, y'all. Mission . . . usual amount of nonsense from BMP, though the bikes were a nice touch. Of course Frank would pick Nia. And, of course, few guys would know how to drive stick. Then again, when has that ever come up in any season? It's not like The Amazing Race where it's a prerequisite. And thinking about it . . . dunno why none of the women stepped up and drove. Something to ask them online. Elimination . . . Emilee who? All I know is that she just flunked out of her second Challenge with only three missions under her belt, so maybe this isn't her thing. Once again, I feel bad for Dustin, because he's a better man than Frank. And it looks like Frank is going to lose it over the phone next week. Thinking about it, though, don't the kids have cell phone access in case of emergencies? I'd hate to rip on Frank if something legit awful happens, even though he does deserve to be kicked in the balls about twenty times.

If you're interested, Amy is going on a "Back Door Tour" this year. And it turns out she'll be ending it where I live, so now I'm tempted to get tickets to see her again.

Tony can take a lesson on how to celebrate from Spencer . . . at least try to keep it quiet. And I never got the appeal of LJ, so things weren't distressing for me this week. We might get an interesting ending this season, even if Tony pounds his meat on a regular basis and gets the Tyler Perry Diary Of A Mad Idol in the next few episodes.

I forget . . . why is Theresa barf-worthy?

When an episode is slated to run for ninety minutes, and the ensuing repeat runs for 60, that can mean one thing: a behind-the-scenes peek into The Challenge with The After Show. To be honest, I'm usually down on the idea of an "After Show." For one thing, I'm usually watching The Daily Show at 11 p.m. For another, we tend to get overwhelmed with the input of the Challengers, as the drama spills over from the show. Call me old-fashioned, but I liked it before when all we'd get was reunion after the season ended. I'll tune in this Thursday because TDS is in repeats, but I'll probably DVR the After Show and watch it at my own leisure.

One upside that didn't happen in the movie and last week: somebody did the "Hail, Hydra!" double-armed salute. Come on, that shit is hysterical as hell. It's like the "Heil Hitler" salute wasn't good enough with one arm, and Hydra wanted to supersize it. I dig Garret as the bad guy, because he's more entertaining than the good guys most of the time. Ward as Hydra also works . . . and I just realized why him not liking the Patriots is funny. Now . . . Adrian Pasdar with a pencil mustache? That's going to take getting used to . . . not to mention I have to accept that Talbot's death in Hulk is now officially non-canon, even though I consider that movie way better than The Incredible Hulk. Also: imagining Peter Petrelli needing an airplane to fly. Patton Oswalt as the Desmond of SHIELD? Sure . . . why not? Only way he could be funnier is if his character is a fan of KFC's dinner bowls.

Good episode. I don't have trouble with Time-Warner, but I loved Amy's angry phone face. And now I have "Hello M'lady" in my head in case I get too gaga over a woman. Thanks, Amy!