Empress1

Michael looks like he’s aged ten years.

Chance got the recipe, y’all.

I’d be so over hearing about Chance if I were Taylor’s friend.

Week was so fucking long. I’m changing jobs this year. The first half of the year, even.

Exactly. I suspect that she acts like that a lot and I don’t think it sounds hilarious, it sounds annoying to me. She was twerking on walls at the bachelorette and he described the honeymoon as draining. I wouldn’t want a guy who acts like that, and there’s nothing about Brennan’s comportment that says he’d want someone like that either.

I don’t like the match they chose for Michael; she comes across as really rehearsed. I don’t like that they apparently didn’t tell her that Michael was jilted. Emily keeps saying “he liked me before.” Friend: he doesn’t like you now. I’m sorry. The more he gets to know you, the more he realizes he doesn’t like you. It happens that way sometimes. He’s not going to boomerang back. Really, if there’s no physical attraction for any of them at this point, when they live together and share a bed, there’s not going to be. If Cameron’s resting heart rate is 140, that is really high. I’m not a cardiologist but my heart rate is that high during cardio exercise - if his is 140 just sitting around, that seems like cause for great concern. Sometimes you just get the ick. I got the ick when I mentioned one of my heroes and my date didn’t ask who it was - my date said something and I said “oh, one of my heroes says that,” and he didn’t ask any follow-up questions, he just said “okay” and turned the subject back to himself. I think with both Brennan and Austin, I think it’s as simple as them getting to know these women and realizing that they’re just not it for them. Brennan couldn’t come up with five things he likes about Emily.

“I need to get to the bottom of this.” NO YOU DON’T. JUST BREAK UP. Concentrate on raising your FOUR KIDS as a single parent and leave the detective work alone OH MY GOD.

I think this is the first time Tayler has mentioned her dad.

“Baby you know you not gonna leave him.” DAMN.

Where does their money come from?

And he has three teeth in his head! They have a lot of nerve laughing at Louie!

“They come down there, pat you on the head, tell you you’re okay, then you die.” That is NOT FUNNY, it is an abomination, but that delivery was HILARIOUS.

I watched a Where are They Now with her where she was talking about how the comments about her fashions hurt her feelings. She just has bad taste.

I had the same thought. “Mason looks just like his dad. Poor thing.” Chance is building an empire, y’all.

I actually have a trusty wooden spoon! I’m an avid cook and my wooden spoon gets a lot of use.

Nobody gets a job in two days unless you know the person hiring (like Louie’s friend in Georgia) or it’s like Cutco or something. These people need to fall way back. That’s why he was in for ten years and clean for 5.5.

DRAG HER MELISSA’S BROTHER. Melissa and her sister are such bitches.

The whole damn family, all seventy-‘leven kids, are in tears and these fools are still moving. Jesus Christ.

Justine’s mom being like “you fucking idiots” is my favorite thing so far.

No she can’t. Lindsey is beautiful but she’s an agent of chaos. Blaine mumbles and isn’t particularly attractive but he sees her and isn’t afraid to call her on her shit. I actually think Blaine is the better catch of the two.

Wait - so Miley has no clue that her mom, who she just started living with five minutes ago, might go back to jail for ten years? Like, she’d miss the rest of Miley’s childhood (and she already missed most of it in the front end)?

Well, that went well, Lindsey.

Don’t you have to be certified to be a trainer?

When you’ve been locked up all their lives. Trash.

Tayler has been through a TON. She’s 28 and a widowed mom of four (and I think three fathers, though I’m not certain) and a sister in recovery. I get the impression they don’t have parents. But when kids have seen too much, like most of the ones on this show, they have a maturity that Tayler lacks - she’s pretty shockingly naive.