riley702

"My friends know me SOOO well - but apparently haven't noticed me hitting the eye drops from sunrise to sunset." Dafuq?

Oh, spill! Was it anything like the urban legend of the scorned wife who loaded up hollow curtain rods with shrimp? Hee hee.

I don't know whether or not they posted all testimonials.

Penny: "Hi, Sheldon! We turned your old room into a sex dungeon!" Sheldon wakes up screaming and I crack up.

I was desperately looking for a .gif of Buffy calling the mayor Dick, but couldn't find it. *sigh*

That's exactly what the article said. They were dinged for posting customer testimonials on the web site that said the pillow had helped them with this or that medical condition. Doesn't seem right to me. They were also dinged for calling themselves the official pillow of the National Sleep Foundation because they have donated to the organization and it was implied they'd "bought" the endorsement.

I live alone, so it takes me longer to have a trash bag full, too. I always rinse out everything that might stink up the trash in a day or two, like that absorbent pad under meat. Food that needs to be pitched sits in a gallon ziplock in the crisper drawer of the fridge until I'm taking out the trash.

That kid needs help, or we (society) are going to need help. Thank you for stepping up and very smart to do so as anonymously as possible.

The first time I saw that ad, I swore he was saying "Mer-Mice" and then dogs came out, so I was massively confused. It wasn't until I saw the plaque at the end reading "Mer-Mutts" that I got it. I still think it sounds like "Mer-Mice".

I'm always amused by his "What do I do wiff my idea for a new product?"

I was going to suggest reporting him, but to whom? If his parents haven't figured out he's a little psycho by now, they're either clueless or psychos themselves.

It does look a bit like Flo in a different wig, but according to iSpot, it's Autumn Wendel.

Which one is the latest one?

Years ago, my little brother and his current wife were living out in the country. He'd get up at 0430 to start getting ready for work. One morning, he bent down to open the dresser drawer to get some socks, and something brown and furry popped out and darted across the room, scaring the shit out of him. It was a drafty old house and apparently a chipmunk had gotten inside. His wife calmly got a broom and a cardboard box, caught it, and tossed it outside. He kept going on about it, so she bought a resin replica of a chipmunk and tucked it in the drawer. He was NOT amused and she was not sympathetic (heh heh). One time she found some of those kid's fireworks we always called snap-strings. You'd pull the string on each end and the gunpowder in the middle would go bang. So she got busy taping the ends to things and booby-trapping the house. The next morning when he got up, he flipped up the toilet lid and *bang*. He opened the kitchen cabinet for a bowl and *bang*. He opened the drawer for a spoon and *bang*. Unfortunately, he never did develop a sense of humor, so that marriage didn't last. Pity. I liked her.

They can be such bossy little things. Does he snuggle up with you? He's probably yelling, "Hey, you warm pillows! Get up here!"

Is that Captain Sully's plane?

Maybe in 20 years.

In high school, I was driving down a side street in my little town and straddled what I thought was a bag of trash. As I went over it, little ears popped up. I stopped, walked back and it was two calico kittens, one long-haired and one short-haired. They were absolutely starving. I took them home and named them Frick and Frack. They were such sweethearts.

Hmm, is that a different thing from coconut cream pie? Because I flove that. I even have a Martha recipe (don't judge) that uses cream of coconut, a whole bag of the sweetened shredded coconut and Swiss meringue (that doesn't pull away from the crust or "weep". And tastes kinda marshmallowey). Damn. It's been too long since I made that... Swiss meringue is where you put the sugar in the egg whites first and gradually heat it up in a double boiler until the sugar dissolves without the egg whites cooking. Then you pour it into your stand mixer and beat the hell out of it.

Taking to Small Talk.

Better raccoons than possums. Gawd, those are just prehistoric rats. Opened the front door one time to find one on my porch. Damn thing just stood there hissing at me. Oh, I don't fucking think so! Hissing at me on my own porch... I bounced a BB off its head at 5 paces. It shook its head and then slowly ambled off, unscathed. *shudder*

Blech!

"Don't take it personal." drives me right up the wall. It's "personally"!

I have this one. I think I'm on my fourth in 20-odd years. Chiefly because I'm a lazy sod at heart, but also because cat litter and pop are heavy items. I like the stair-climbing one you linked, frenchtoast, because my current apartment has 4 concrete steps up into the building. Currently, I'll turn it around and pull it up one step at a time. Those stair-climbing wheely things look like they'd make it easier for me. Has anyone ever used those Forearm Forklifts? Do they really make it as easy as it looks to lift heavy items?

Shit. Another good song ruined.