FrancescaFiore

WTF just happened? Mike was standing strong while Natalie tried to get him to soften his attitude toward her & as soon as he did, she didn't want him to anymore. She's straight up bonkers. Ruuuuuun, Mike! Run back to Sequim and Mister Bojangles and the barn.

I can't wait to hear Max's speech!

Oops. Wrong thread

Tania believes in astrology. Color me shocked. I bet she believes in Magic 8 Ball too. Daizy October, the Afromystic? My eyes just rolled so hard.

Tania believes in astrology. Color me shocked. I bet she believes in Magic 8 Ball too. Daizy October, the Afromystic? My eyes just rolled so hard.

Natalie is talking to Mike in the car the same way that I talk to my cat when we take an Uber to the vet. "Who's the best girl? Everybody loves you! Everything is okay sweetie. Oh you're the prettiest one!"

Look how cute Jasmin was before she put all that botulism and silicone in her face. What a shame.

If all else fails, trashcAngela can always smuggle Mykull back to the US in one of her chest wrinkle-craters. She's only 53 and she looks SO BEAT. Shit, I'm 51 and my decolletage is nothing like what she's got going on. Too much sun, too many cigarettes, too much Nigerian cake. Blech.

I don't even know where to start with this train wreck of an episode. If all of the scenes showing Anna and/or Morsel crying were added up, it probably comprised at least half of this 2 hour episode. It was less emotionally painful than it was actually cringey painful watching these two intellectually stunted people try to navigate around a breakup using a translation app. Anna was saying things half in broken Turkish, half in broken English (why does she do that? She sounds like she's talking to a pet, not a person. "You no pick me, you me finish.") Morsel was saying things in half broken English... but neither of them were saying anything meaningful. It appears that their entire relationship was built on uttering monosyllabic words to each other. And UGH.. the airport scene. I've noticed that there's something off about Blake and Jasmin, but wasn't able to put my finger on it until last night's episode: they're both stupid, self-centered people. The first and only time we've ever seen Jasmin show any emotion other than irritation with Blake is when she was laughing about how she doesn't care about the thing he's passionate about. I realize that Blake's friends (especially Rosie Rita - I got confused because Rita is nosy, so I called her Rosie!) are uber judgmental about Jasmin, but I also think they're spot-on about what a complete dud she is. It's not just that she doesn't drink, it's that her idea of a good time seems to be shitting on everyone else's good time. Plus, there was something about the way she said her sister was her best friend that really made me think that her sister is her ONLY friend - and that there's a good reason why. Her not supporting Blake's music should be a dealbreaker. Not because Blake's music is good (oh, it SO isn't) but because she's supposed to be supportive as a significant other. I have yet to see anything from her that would indicate she's in love with Blake. Tania needs to be slapped. Hard. Repeatedly. Not that Syngin is being as responsible as he could be (he could've looked for an apprentice woodworking gig, for instance, rather than paying to take classes) but neither is Tania. She's acting like she just went away to medical school instead of abandoning her fiancee in a shed with her bitchy, boozy mom. Tania being so naggy about Syngin's future is the height of hypocrisy, given that her idea of planning responsibly for her future is going to Costa Rica to learn how to be a witch doctor. Not sure how she expects that to pay the bills, but I seriously doubt that she's ever done an hour's worth of work that's as hard as what Syngin did, working in a mine. When she whined that "That was soooooo long ago!" I really wanted him to slam her face into the steering wheel. He said he had friends DIE because of working in the mine. It's not like he just had a bad day at work, he was clearly traumatized by the harsh realities of being a miner and she could clearly not care less. I wish she had heard him say, "Go ahead and jump off then, you might be setting me free," but she was too busy listening to herself talk, as usual. I genuinely can't imagine what Syngin loves about Tania. She's pushy, she's difficult, she's obnoxious, she's entitled and she's only marginally self aware. "I know I'm a little bit extra." A little bit? Girl, please. You triple extra. Angela so deserves the misery she's in. I hope we get to see her really break down when she realizes that her own ignorant politics is what is keeping her from getting what she wants, in spite of it being her 'taxpayer's right.' Turns out, lots of us pay taxes and don't get what we want. She just didn't expect it to happen to her. A great idea for another spinoff would be Angela going to Washington to demand her president grant her fiance-from-a-shithole-country a K1. OMG what a total psycho Natalie is. "Is okay. I think is okay for voman to be uncertain." Sure, it's fine to be uncertain. Just not after you've already accepted a ring from some guy and insisted he put a baby in you yesterday. NOW she isn't sure she loves him? I'm glad he left. Y'know who could take a lesson from Mike on how to GTFO there when it's time to go? EFFIN' MORSEL! (Just go already!! Jeez, just LEAVE. LEEEEAAAAAVVVE!!!)

Perhaps it would have been easier for both of them if Blake had made Jasmin wear the ski mask. She wouldn't have made him late because her makeup wouldn't matter, and she could hide out in a booth with her only friend without anyone recognizing her, or seeing her mortified expression as her betrothed performed.

I have things to say about this episode (which a friend of mine's ex-boyfriend would have called "cryful." because he couldn't think of a real word, so he made up that one) but needed to share some hilarity found on Reddit because you guys, I died. Please to enjoy:

Yes, I couldn't help but notice that they went to the bridal shop because Juliana's dress needed alterations, but when she stepped out of the dressing room, the dress fit her perfectly.

Run, Syngin RUUUUUNNN!

Nooooooooo!!

I'm never going to recover from the trauma of the Mykull/TrashcAngela clock. Excellent reminder of how time ain't on their side. .

Ruh roh..

Another thing about Larissa that I find odd is that I know lots of native Portuguese speakers and none of them do that "ee" thing at the end of their words. (Coltee, or my personal favorite, 'shut upee'.) Is it a speech impediment or just a funny glitch with how she learned English?

More semi-related hilarity from Reddit. I literally LOLd, but I'm stoopid.

LOLZ from Reddit "Welcome to the Floating Head Immigration Agency."

Something that's bothered me since last night's episode aired: Why does Anna start speaking in broken English to Morsel after they break up? Especially on the phone - "You, me finished." I found that very odd. I could also see through Morsel's "I just want to see her one last time, to hold her hair (??)" as meaning "I just want to get laid one last time, since there's not a hint of trim in my Turkish future." A fun game I like to play while suffering through the Anna/Morsel bad communication/broken English scenes is to pretend Anna is actually involved with a caveman who I've named Grog. Grog family aggressive! Grog no stand up to Grog parent, but Grog DOES tell big whopper lie to parents. Grog go back to Turkey cave and grow more stubble, brood. In this context, I find Morsel much more entertaining and tolerable.

This might be my favorite thing ever. (Disclaimer: I'm prone to hyperbole) Tania being all, "I literally have a clock inside me telling me half my eggs are gonna go stale on my next birthday and I NEED TO HAVE A BABY NOW, but a phone call home is too much of a commitment for me." is just SO MUCH NERVE. If a call to let someone know she made it home okay after a night of drinking in a foreign country is "too much commitment," for her, imagine all the whining she'll do once there's a baby who needs her to be there to nurse or feed it. Dumb, nervy betch!

It looks like her dog did it for her.

Robin is so much sweeter than Anny deserves.

By a guy with a machete. Like when Karene's phone got jacked.

Part of me wants something bad to happen to Tania, just to prove Syngin's point. Hello, Natalee Holloway.. his concern is totally reasonable. Tania... c u next Tuesday.