J. Matazz

Oh hey, it’s me! With sadly less first hand bits to share at this point. But I’ll do what I can. It makes me happiest to provide best info to everyone here, be it my story or especially that of Jazz. The open made me feel awful. Can’t imagine dealing with that kind of heavy revision again, as someone who had the worst pain from the catheter. Has to be an entirely separate level of mess, both of recovery itself and to the point that you know it may not hold or stay. I guess my closest comparisons were one of the following. In hospital, my blood pressure got to be like dizzying low to the point where I felt floating away. Bowers was unavailable, and it took a nurse quite sometime to come up with some food to get it back to normal. Possibly also when I was 2.5 weeks out, kept bleeding out of the canal, wouldn’t stop. Out of nowhere. Scared me so badly I’d have to fly back out to Bowers. There was also a feeling of an interior tear or rip around Christmas walking along the bustling streets of New York. But those actually weren’t anything beyond a microscopic tear. These are and were genuine problems for Jazz. Laughed way too hard at Jack’s gateway to paradise reference after the lack of knowledge bit. I genuinely have never seen Jeanette as joyful in a laugh as that in my life. Often a golden room lighting smile but her laughs are very reserved. Harvard stuff, don’t want to spoil about what I know there on many many levels (I live decently close to the university!), like Jazz’s study foci, as the iceberg’s tip. So I can’t and won’t. Assuming the show touches on it. If they don’t, I will at the end of the season. You really can start to see Sander and Griffen’a facial differences now as they age and go about their individual styles. Kind of makes me wistfully nostalgic to where I was afraid to call them out by name for fear I’d get it wrong. Very curious how a clitoris can be a few inches too high! As someone who has extensively studied the methods done worldwide and in technique, including Jazz’s peritoneal, that seems odd from how I understand this creation happens. Clearly there was some penile tissue not used for the vaginal lining? It also would concern the hell out of me were I Jeanette or Greg to hear there isn’t a labia majora this many months out. WHAT! The labia minora part, surprisingly less so—even in a standard case like mine that just isn’t typically done in/as part of a one step Sex Reassignment Surgery, be that penile inversion technique vaginoplasty (mine) or a colon vaginoplasty (which, if you recall, Jazz refused for smell numerous times). The exception is Dr. Toby Meltzer in Arizona who has always done two steps, the second to create the minora. Amir sounds like he’s going to be back, cool. No emotions, really dull character who I...just don’t think is remotely as pertinent as the show claims. Meh. I’d be more than okay if he wasn’t returning. Seems an odd fit for Jazz in a relationship based on personalities. Museum of Sex, might be the only place where the Jennings’ I Am Jazz specific conversations and parlance are typical. Kind of a fun diversion. This genuinely looks fun! Good lord Greg’s face said it ALL after the producer ask about the mea culpa. That look could’ve been considered deadly in quite a few countries. Message and body language couldn’t have told a more contrasting message. Not just me, right? Denim, well, okay. Haven’t seen it. Feel that goes in the media thread for full thoughts. Seems perhaps a touch hackneyed, but as Jazz said, it’s about the message first and foremost. And being a starring part of a project bigger than you is a joyous feeling beyond words, if you ask me, based on my experience. This Drs. Ting and Bowers disagreement is ugly. Ugh. That’s really depressing to watch, and there probably isn’t a right answer in the heat of that moment given the lack of prior precedent. I’d want that moment cut from the end show if I were either of them, paints both of them in a very unfair unprofessional light, when the reality is that such a notion is extremely far from the case.

Yes, I've met them. Those are their actual names with the actual relations. Jack was quick to notice interesting parallels to my mother and I to Jeanette/Jazz, respectively. He was dead on in ways I hadn't realized until years after. Jacky made a point to note how fortunate it is that Jazz and I have good heads, good educations, unlike some in our shoes. Very kind hearted souls that anyone would be fortunate to know. As for the Scott/Renee, I know, but would rather not make that public for privacy reasons. Hit me up with a DM and can explain this very easily. See above.

Ah, this finally hit the outlets. Been holding this one back for sometime! Without any specific spoilers, this is well underway with taping already, all over the usual Sunshine locales.

I mean, I've hugged my doctors a few times, but it should be said when I've done so there are good parallels to Jazz's life over the past few seasons. It's so much running around that getting absolute answers for once can be a relief. Those hugs are out of graditude and fixing concerns that so few can. And yeah, it looks good for cameras too, pretty sure I was encouraged to do so when filmed.

To the letter. They gave me personally these nice easy swallowable with water red pills that tasted like a cinnamon mint. Actually liked them. The reason, as you stated, was to ensure no pops of results, stitches, or heaven forbid, a vaginal prolapse/falling out entirely. Ah, sadly, no. Most in the USA don't have such an option, although Dr. Christine McGinn in Upper Bucks, Pennsylvania, has the butterfly (recovery) house, the closest there is to Dr. Brassard's Asclépiade. We mostly are told to stay in hotels. If you notice last season in particular (I believe?) during the Dr. Bowers consult, they stayed in the Staybridge in San Bruno, suggested for many reasons, where I stayed after my surgery for about 10 days, where Dr. Bowers covers the costs if your surgery isn't covered by insurance. Love it for a few reasons: One, it's got free dinner on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, which is nice for ease of access. More importantly, they also have a free, on-demand shuttle to and from both Dr. Bowers' medical office in San Mateo AND the same for the Mills-Peninsula hospital in Burlingame, where the surgery takes place. Saving time and money. Got to love that, right? Sadly, the shuttles aren't even an option at most locations. And yeah, just as a general practice, I think people are released too early from surgery, both here and my own: In my case, May 13th surgery, released on the 16th. I was supposed to be out with a walker, going around the hospital floor the day or two days my surgery, and was barely able to. Pair that with my blood pressure was almost (not quite, hit like 70 something over mid 50s?) dangerously low for my general survival, to the point where the guest I had visiting me concerned with my care. With Dr. Bowers in Seattle to see family, we couldn't get hold of her. TLC would've had a field day. So I get released, my family calls the shuttle to go back to the hotel. My freaking heart broke for Jazz way early on this show for this reason.The wheelchair ride was relaxing on the way down the elevator, into the lobby. We wait 20-30 minutes chatting with the nurse about how atrocious the pricing is in Burlingame. So in I go to the shuttle, no wheelchair. DAMN that hurts. Did I pop something from this movement!? I had to do a double take on reflection when Jazz said basically the same thing, because you hate to see anyone experience the same pain you have, at any point, for whatever reason, you know? I hated, hated that the show used the term wound so much. Medically accurate, admittedly, but it really feels undermining to the surgery and my body. As for dilation, eventually it gets to the point where it only has to be like one 15 minute session every week, which is entirely reasonable. So yeah, a lifetime commitment but not terribly inconvenient by frequency and/or length. Thanks much for the ringing endorsement! This is all true. Anything is fair game. Frequency is right, doctor is too. Anything you want to do to learn, I want to teach. And yeah, surgery was an absolute must. ASAP. It's something you just know about yourself, like your hair color, your favorite food (although I'm not sure there, hm), or where you live. Delaying further would've had tremendously negative consequences, psychologically. Beautiful. I haven't used mine for that other purpose yet, but the primary purpose, day to day, is to have that self peace. That what was wrong is right, and there can be a modicum of previously unknown balance in the world regarding the body. The mentality truly is that, short of being born with the right body, surgery would've been best done yesterday, today is too late. For me, this was life or death. --- My goodness, Jeanette was an absolute saint this episode in particular, even when the surgery results appeared to be sans complications. For comparison, my family flew back home the day after I got back to the hotel, post-hospital release. Jeanette gave an insane amount of devotion given then, let alone when a medical emergency arose. All things considered, staying that relatively calm feels personally nigh impossible. I freaked the fuck out about a flight out to SFO when I couldn't dilate past an inch without massive bleeding from the vaginal canal on my birthday, a few weeks out of surgery. Do find it interesting to hear Dr. Bowers' remarks on the depth, of women don't compare. Yeah, that's true, and it's why I put it third behind appearance and sensation. At the same time, for whatever it's worth, as I got measured much the same way Jazz did, she was freaking stunned, and said I could date a member of the 49ers given my depth, hehe. If you are born with labia majora and minora, a vagina, etc. the depth is malleable given the nature of the skin. So, no, it doesn't matter then, in most cases, although I can think of at least one notable exception offhand where it would matter: MRKH Syndrome. For someone like Jazz or myself? Absolutely this matters! The skin used to line the canal is not stretchy, so not afforded such an opportunity to adjust to an inserted penis length. Don't want to damage the body from too big, you know? But the only time I've been medically measured there was at that post op appointment. Beyond that, you do it yourself, which is the purposes not the indented white dots on the dilators, to ensure at least as many go inside as before, ensuring no depth loss. One thing the show didn't mention, not technically directly related to surgery: Dr. Bowers has a wait list of about 3 years from booking time to operation date, from her popularity. Seemingly both Jazz and I were extremely fortunate to have that wait time cut down materiality for media reasons (hers for the show, mine for a mix of what I fought for on a states level/expiring insurance that August).

It greatly reduced both quantity and locations with me but I'm like the only one I've ever heard of with this happening. Although, purely speculatively, it might be because I started as relatively early as I did and had very little to start with?

Glad to help! Thanks for asking. So, I have a few theories on the follow-up. One, Jazz is just kind of a live and let free, ain't nobody gonna change me kind of gal. A bit silly, but that's why I like her. She also might be hamming it up for the cameras. Given I Am Jazz has its frequent share of candid moments, it's kind of to get a rise on those eyes. Guilty of the same, myself, at times: A one-liner I told my doc once was exactly something you'd expect to hear from Jazz. Furthermore, it's all about context. Notably, notice how Jazz will almost always stay pretty serious with the genuinely deep interviews or times where people will be there and/or hearing her? Developmentally...and that is what you're asking here, it makes a ton of sense, but I'm not entirely sure, sadly! I am Jazz Jazz is different than my experience with human Jazz (as is the case with Jeanette, but notably, not anybody else, although Greg is a huge sweetie in person, less the yang to Jeanette's yin). My honest guess is that it's her choice to act this way on the show or TLC is putting such suggestions in. After all, you basically have to have something of a controversial voice to do anything with television now if you're just breaking in. If it's hormone related, and I'm not a doctor, don't think it's this but: Given surgery would no longer mean blockers and suppressant, I think she'd be okay, sooner than later. TV truly does show the best and worst of us simultaneously though. The only, only thing I've heard is that mental, like academic function can decrease with blockers-I do not recall the study, but believe it studied only individuals who were on only blockers from 12-16. That isn't Jazz, so it doesn't apply. Furthermore, others I've seen gone through similar ages of puberty as Jazz transitioning to female have full maturation. This was a good, tough question. I wish I had a more absolute answer because there are SO many angles that could apply, possibly simultaneously. My sincerest apologies this answer wasn't better.

Honestly, I genuinely would have put all of my life in front of a camera like this for the money and fame, yeah, sure. But, honestly, there isn't a whole lot out there on youth, children, and teens going through this process in a long-form media work. To make that difference to others, be it, individuals, parents, or loved ones, that's why I'd do this, first and foremost. You can choose not to believe her, but Jeanette has also said as much as to their motivation previously, albeit not in media. It does help people. Much as I knew who I was from age two, Jeanette and Greg many moons ago were the first physical parents I saw that not only understood but accepted who their daughter is and was. That means quite a lot to know you aren't alone out there and that your parents can make this journey a reality! If you had an opportunity to shape the narrative of the world the way that would help you, wouldn't you grab it? They did, and while (unfortunately, personally speaking) not to Jazz's level of reach, I did the same for the same reasons. Some folks like Whitney...yeah, I don't get that. At all. That feels like pure showmanship without any societal benefit. Jack is funnier in person! Always a wry smile, clever phrasing in what he says, yet very reflective upon what he sees--and they make that apparent in the show. I'm always reminded by my mother how much Jack told her she reminds her of (off camera) Jeanette. Always the organizer, the planner, getting things done with a head of steam, a wee bit emotional. He and Jackie had an interesting remark about Jazz and I a few years back...that as fortunate as we were to have this process done relatively early in life, it was furthermore made easier by (book) smarts. It's an angle I hadn't seriously considered until that point, but he made a very solid point. After all, makes it easier to think of ways to deal with this type of matter, how to (not) respond to haters, and ultimately, how to respond to media heads. (Oh god the same 10-20 freaking questions they ask, haha.) I feel the same way about my parts as he describes them. Does the job, but wins a beauty pageant every time compared to the alternative. When you order a taco, you don't order a hot dog, right? Surgery pain, eh, not too too bad. Hurt like hell the first night, to the point where I wondered why I needed this done, although it was maybe a 2/10 after? Morphine necessary, with an icepack on the genitals, combined with the Percocet. Sitting in a moving shuttle, from the hospital wheelchair was awful a few days out, sitting was reasonable, standing no. Hell no. Took a good week and a half to not writhe while doing so, so food prep was quite the bother in the hotel. Peeing isn't too bad...if you can deal with a garden hose urethra that sprays pee everywhere after your genital origami for the first few months. First time doing so was like, how am I going to angle this right? Is this going to work? How does it get out? Gosh, I feel swollen, better not fall off the toilet seat. WHAT IF MY PEE IS STUCK IN ME!? Oh, okay, let loose. This is easier than before. Sure is awkward having the nurses watch though, I hate that they know I'm new at this. Don't forget to wipe! Waiting for a bowel concerned me though, contrastingly, given all the bowel prep like for a colonoscopy had me concerned. I was thrilled when gas happened because it had been a few days. Thank heavens for stool softener. Easy does it. Hope I don't get any on the lips, ewww, gross...look down to be sure. Whew. WIPE THOROUGHLY! Oh my god, I can do these the right now...finally. :) This happened with my mother too, my biggest advocate...it's the finality, the reality of it. In theory, hormones could be stopped, toys and the like are temporary. But surgery is forever. Nothing physically apparent exists of the sex of the child birthed. It's a final goodbye to that person, of sorts. Very, very true. The interesting part about this is, at least in North America, that it absolutely depends on what surgeon you go to for a minimum age. Bowers, as I've said a few times, and as you know, is 17. However, go to a Dr. Brassard in Montreal, that's 18, and Dr. Christine McGinn in Philadelphia, featured last season (not a TLC staging!) has her minimum set at 16. 13 years old, March 2014. When we presented together that June, Jazz was really happy to share off her scar with me about where they put the blocker (underside of the arm) and hormone implant in, and told us she had just started the hormones at that point. The common medical practice time to do this with individuals transitioning to female as at the start of Tanner II, which isn't absolute in terms of age experienced by the patient. It's why, prior to filming this show, Jazz (or anyone else) would need frequent doctor appointments to smash the brakes on puberty before it hit, to check hormonal/endocrine levels. The alternative is male puberty. Even with the downsides of potential lack of surgery material, I would have traded that in a heartbeat not to go through that hell. Voice changes, facial hair, bone structure, hips concerns, facial features, etc. would all masculinize. Genuinely makes you live a nightmare, and good luck being seen as female by anyone passing you by at that specific point. To let you know personally of this severity? I did this stuff in my late teens, so about...Noelle's age? 10 years ago? I still, STILL have deep thoughts and pain about why I started this so late, leading to depressive, tear-laded outbursts about the cruelty of fate, to have permanent markers of my past. -- As for the show itself, I love that they focused on Jack for a decent portion of the show proper. Nice little change of pace. Family sticking together just made for good personal memories, to be there, and to support one another, especially in a time of need, and that applies for both Jack and Jazz here. A bond of love really can beat a heavy dose of pain from swollen body parts. A beautiful moment, really. It's something I hope and am pretty sure Jazz and Jack appreciate, but it's an intangible in recovery that you just can't put into words. The standing up stuff, uhhhhhh, ew? I would never. Last time I remember doing so was a one-off in 7th grade. Because I was going to miss my bus otherwise. It felt wrong, I knew it was wrong, but as a matter of practicality, yeah, sometimes life gives no other alternative. Color me surprised, and, frankly, disappointed, more of the immediate pre-preparation for surgery was not shown. AT ALL. Missed opportunity. Not just the check-in for the hospital and however long that takes, rivaling the DMV in anticipation, but also the necessary medicines and supplies you need to buy. All the tight-fitting underwear, all the pads, and, of course, a good hundred getting a gallon of rancid water tasting bowel prep. That's something most people will never know about, including a liquids-only diet the day before, and getting a reaction face from Jazz drinking it would've been kind of somehow been simultaneously amusing and educational. Like, how you cope with that day is something else. Do you get hunger pangs? Wash it down with more water? How do you keep up the motivation to keep drinking and drinking, holding it down, AND not be envious of eating family members? Eugh. That was the worst part of all of this, end of story.

Always! Thank you so much for asking and your kind words. Genuinely appreciate it more than you know. As much as I'd love to be on the show to explain these things, I'm kind of far from them, and it also seems too often depth (heh) education isn't the primary focus. The first question depends on the person and surgeon but for the first year it's multiple times daily, then once daily there on, per Dr. Bowers. However, that's not really necessary that far out, like I am, which will be four years come May. I do so maybe every week or so? Haven't had any issues in so doing. So if I'm taking a trip or whatnot, don't want to think about dilation on the trip I'll ramp it up a few days beforehand. My body has long fully healed, but that doesn't mean I won't dilate, for a few reasons. The downside of not doing so frequently is feeling tight when you get back to doing so, and a possible depth loss, but it should be okay. Don't ignore your body, that's the key lesson. Same goes for Jazz. --- The second question, this is almost always about a week out of surgery these days. I was stuck in the hospital bed the first 24 hours after surgery, had a dangerously low blood pressure of like 80/59 two days after, and still with a catheter about a week out. Post surgery, but pre-dilation, the vaginal canal is filled with packing, which is a bunch of gauze-filled pads equivalent. You can smell that when lying in bed, and it is rancid with an entire bank of dead blood inside, even with two packs of pads and underwear I bought (as was suggested by Bowers) for that step. Having it removed from you is surreal. Do you know the magic trick where the magician pulls a seemingly never ending cloth out of his hat or somewhere? Imagine that but from inside your body. Oh my goodness, a touch tight but really a roller coaster ride for the down there. Wish my documentary team had captured my likely bug-eyed face and agape mouth. --- The third question is a little bit of column A and B. Most people do not have to take as much estrogen as they did preoperatively. In my case, 8mg before, 6mg now. Anecdotally, what I've heard is that 6mg before to like 2 or 4mg is more typical. So the estrogen, as a medicine, albeit not in quantity, stays the same. However, naturally, as testosterone is shut down from its primary place of production, the drugs needed to block DHT's effects are almost always stopped. The primary place any testosterone is made would then be the adrenal gland, which is equal to natal female numbers, most often. If it gets to be too much, blockers (usually pills) are added back, although this is rare. Finally, I chose to add the optional Prometrium/progesterone to try to add some shape and a touch of size to my breasts. On that note, typically the body rounds out a bit more traditionally feminine, as do the breasts, since the body no longer has to additionally focus on testosterone blockage, in the immediate months following surgery. The Prometrium was expensive, gave me nightmares, but gave me a good sleep. But it was a new, optional pill for me. I eventually stopped because of the nightmares feeling a bit too real. The medical community is unsure of how much of a difference this treatment makes, or doesn't. In short, most of the hormones stay constant for most people, but just like the diversity in our species, there are differences. If you have further questions about my explanations or separate questions, please keep asking! :)

It's better for the questions thread, not this show's thread, but I'm more than happy to answer and all questions you might have, as someone who went through all this ages ago. I will not bite your head off, just want to educate, as much as you are willing to learn. :) As for this particular show, my thoughts will need to wait. 9-10PM Eastern is always loaded with prior engagements.

This isn't a bad idea, I like it. Probable to spread too, given an abundance of individuals stating post surgery they felt like a butterfly. One thing I'm already confused about is why the cake is a penis one, complete with a dildo. Why not a vagina cake with some cherry pie filling at the top? Like, I personally wanted that before my surgery since it'd be celebrating the good to come, not the end of the bad.

While I agree on the panacea remark, one item the show absolutely nails is that the thought of surgery is ALWAYS that in your face if you're in my shoes or Jazz's shoes, and what it will be perceived to mean--it really does take that other aspect away, it gives you the anatomy of any other woman. Give me a TLC camera at the same age, and I would've said the same about my (then) future vulva. It really was that much on my mind for similar reasons like dating and happiness. I'd like to think I'd talk about other topics too, but it really would take up the majority of time. Jazz is no exception to that, and it's likely a common theme among any teen needing sex reassignment surgery. Cousin Debbie, love her to bits, is not a PhD or an MD. Cannot sign off on a surgery letter. Dr. Volker, MD, is unrelated but an old friend of the family (Jeanette specifically, I believe). The process for getting the letters is an interesting one, as it genuinely does depend. One therapist wanted $400 for having the session and writing one of mine. Hell no. So, I went to two old therapists for a one-off session where they'd evaluate me, much like a normal session, nothing special to it, at the normal therapist rate. If they approved, and they did, letters would be in the mail about a week later that could then be sent off to Dr. Bowers. Jazz's case was probably similar to my own within the session: Knew all my life, this surgery will mean a ton to me in ways XYZ. Basically the standard episode. Yeah, basically this. Since I like guys exclusively, I consider myself straight. Jazz is pansexual, publicly so since 2015, told me as much the year prior. That's been very consistent with her. So...yeah, the psychic. Looked her up, appears legit, but my oh my, that was kind of an awkward segment. I mean, really? Could've made that about any other topic to make that segment by far more fascinating. Should be said, Jazz has always liked knowing the future, having her cards done, wants to know more about it, and how to do so. Kind of makes sense they'd include this topic as a side interest they haven't especially tapped on all that much. So, personal story time about this as a result! Jazz and I decided to get a reading done a few years back. Jeanette was a little creeped out, but couldn't help but watch from afar to see what the reader would say, with intrigue, before being drawn in, She had those mom eagle eyes to ensure all was going well. Jazz's wish was to know about the future for people, hoping for equality and rights for all, having some fun with the cards before anything was drawn. Genuinely thrilled, with a dentist's model smile. We get told things will get better eventually, but not at this time, still troubled. Jazz was okay with this, if a little worried, as was I, noting that "As long as it's good long term!" Take the psychics for what they're worth, but the next day was the Orlando Pulse shooting. Kind of eerie, isn't it? I oddly can't speak to Jazz and Noelle on this but know Jeanette and Noelle's mother are rather close. That family is really that busy though, pretty much all the time. If they're not filming or speaking, they're usually vacationing. Kind of crazy, but I'd totally sign up for that life of a reality show like this, myself.

My heart breaks for Noelle. That girl doesn't do anything for the cameras. She simply is what you get from her. It's hard to not be in shock, crying when you see her escape the prom for simply self-psychological preservation, if understandably so. This to me means something different between someone like you and someone like myself or Jazz. I hope I'm right, but prior to when I had surgery, I had concerns about the look but not so much the porn star deal as much as I didn't want my body to look like it had any history of male genitalia. Otherwise, that's vanity, and, well, eh, not realistic. Do wish she'd get the part names right, for the sake of education. Curiosity, simply, because it's different, from the parental perspective. I would know! I've been asked the same, by people who attend my talks, or even relatives. If it helps people understand, that's worth it, and Jazz is cut from a similar cloth from mine in that regard. If more people know about a particular aspect, it's less a concern about getting it out there. I personally see that as a worthwhile tradeoff, and I'd fathom she does as well. I've asked Dr. Bowers on her minimum age, and she said 17. That part isn't too surprising, given it's considered part of her typical practice. It's not typical of how Dr. Bowers' office is run. If anything, booking with her was a relative ease contrasted with all the back and forths with insurance to ensure coverage. They were awesome. Asked me when I could do surgery, offered me two months or seven months away, and then a choice of date therewithin. Getting dates with primary doctors can be tougher than that, you know? The runaround is actually not TLC engineered. Surprise! That number isn't too far from the truth in typical cases, honestly. My surgery was May 13th, flew back home to Rhode Island on the 24th. The real deal though is the recovery time. For Dr. Bowers, Ting, or anyone else, that's typically 10-12 weeks, resting at home, mostly in bed, forget stairs, lifting, or the like. You're doing nothing, and get time off to just heal, take those pain relievers, stool softeners, and dilate. Repeat.

Just saying, personally speaking, my memories go back to when I was two of the fact I was female. Don't find that especially surprising. Basically it was just sharing facts among kids in the daycare when the teacher was away. One kid said he didn't have a belly button. Which, let's be real, why didn't we have an FBI agent in the daycare the next day? But for me, I just said, "Well, I'm a girl." I recall it like having a red delicious apple for lunch that day. But...I do tend to remember literally everything! Jazz and Jeanette have been consistent in telling me this as Jazz's story two on two about the fairy and genitalia. As such, I have no reason not to believe them, intra and interpersonally. Fits the timeline. The only thing, I feel might be different is the exact phrasing, but that's semantical contrasted with the underlying, independent sense of one's self, personally.

Sure am! Been busy, some curious intell of late, but here's my experience. Hormones didn't change that drive at all, and while there was a learning curve to relearn NY body post surgery of about a year and a few months, there absolutely is still a drive, and I'd say better than it was than with just hormones, no surgery, because I can look at my body in that specific respect, and not feel absolute disgust. That what is there is right, and is synchronous and at peace, accord with what is comfortable. That said, I never did dating or anything or the like until after SRS because I felt that degree of disconguency between my body and myself. With surgery now? No longer an issue there, but it does remind me I need to get in better physical shape! So no, in my lifetime, having no drive at all is absolutely not the case. But the moment does need to be just right. What causes that for me at any given time is unknown but hey.