Missy Vixen

I seriously considered sending Benessa a copy of The Betty Crocker Cookbook. If she wants all that cooking stuff, she's going to have to learn how to use it. I can't WAIT to see how the pretty pretty princess deals with serving ice cream to 1000 people at her wedding. Jim Boob's not springing for servers or a soft-serve machine. She's going to end up with cake or cupcakes by default. IMHO of course.

And again, I am left wondering why David Tutera is working with these people in the first place. Alexis Bellino needs a good psych eval instead of a "vow renewal", IMHO. I can't imagine living with someone so obviously unbalanced. Speaking of "unbalanced", who puts their baby's feet in the middle of the smash cake? Who spends thousands upon thousands for a first birthday party, too?

Who would accept her? Seriously. Does she have the grades to even apply in the first place? Hey, Kroy, you wanted to be a dad. Let's see how you follow through with her agreement to give you a thousand hours of work if she didn't make the cheer squad.

Lil' Kim is four hours late to her own baby shower in last night's episode. Is this fun for him? I can't think of any other reason why an event planner would put up with the above.

In other words, D-list "celebrities" that will do their best to make Taylor Armstrong's meltdowns look normal. Has anyone told Tutera that we don't need to know about his personal life? Or spend one minute watching any of the above "celebrities"?

The correct way to handle that entire incident would have been to tell the trespassers to leave. Once. And then call the cops. Engaging with them was idiotic. And yeah, I have to agree that Kroy is not looking like he's all that. For someone who has an entire gym in Wig Manor, he'd better lay off the fast food and start working out. He'd be required to carry extra bulk as a DE, but every NFL DE I've seen shirtless still has evidence of a six-pack. Brielle looked like she had no idea how to interact with those kids on the beach. She must have raided her mother's closet for fashion ideas, which did not go well. I just about spewed when she was telling her mother she was "raised by the best ever". Really? If Wig is Brielle's standard of child rearing, she needs to get out a little more.

He must have spent the offseason getting tattoos and bathing in Botox. When did his production group decide to abandon showcasing brides on a budget and go straight for celebrity trainwrecks?

OMGGGGGGG. To say that I am happy to see this forum is an understatement. Taylor Armstrong is a legend in her own lunchtime, isn't she? Did she think she was making memorable TV? Does ANYONE who's never watched Bravo even give a shit who she is? What kind of DUMBASS decides to plan the equivalent of a royal wedding (in her mind!) in just two weeks and fights the entire time with a wedding planner who has shown repeatedly that he pulls off amazing events? And again, WHY does David Tutera choose to work with people that are absolutely repugnant? Truthfully, after watching Tay-tay's meltdown over dresses from a designer she claims to "loove" and her demands for a custom-designed gown, I was pretty much done. I really didn't care about her sob story re: the first marriage. Her ex is too dead to defend himself. I don't condone anyone hitting anyone else, but wow, living with that woman should come with hazard pay. Can't WAIT until husband-poo finds out up close and personal what a beeyotch she is. I thought it was interesting he wasn't doing his assistant's wedding as well. Wonder why.

We have a wide-screen TV. I am amazed that Bravo allowed that footage of Lynn and her foobs without blurring it, because nipple was on display in more than one shot. Her Oscar reel (hysterical sobbing about "I've already ordered the bouquets!!11!!" and butterfly releases) was mind-boggling. The episode was full of solid gold snarking moments, but my favorite was Shelley storming out to her car shouting that she wanted "those people" out of her house. Because the best way to handle the full-on crazy with house guests is to leave them alone in YOUR HOUSE.

It's interesting that Kim is suddenly treating Kroy like an uninterested bystander re: Brielle's social life and activities. He adopted her. He's paying the bills. Does Kim believe he has no right to weigh in on her decisions or their daughter's behavior? That's FASCINATING. $1200 in scratch-off tickets. Lost $250K gambling. Did Kroy know this stuff before he married her?

I did not need to know how massive Kroy's package allegedly is. I also did not need to know that he was (again, allegedly) asking for sex on the same day he's (one more time) allegedly recovering from his vasectomy. One has to wonder how he thought he was going to accomplish that feat. Kim's OB/GYN is every bit as inappropriate as the two of them are. Why am I not surprised?

Brielle should be thankful she doesn't live at our house. After wrecking four cars (THE HELL?) she wouldn't be driving at all. It's not a joke, and I can't imagine how much the premiums are for her insurance coverage. Speaking of Brielle, her treatment of the nanny was unacceptable and aided and abetted by her lazy, entitled mother. Uh, Kim, if you don't think the nanny should be "playing so roughly" with your son, raise your own damn children. Also, the half-assed, laughing "I'm sorry" wasn't an apology. I'm sorry the nanny didn't choose her self-esteem over cash and quit on the spot. Perhaps it could be explained to me how one can own a 17,000 square foot house and not have sufficient room to find somewhere to put away the holiday decorations. Perhaps it could also be explained to me how anyone could manage to screw up frozen ravioli and sauce out of a jar. Considering the fact Kim wants to hire out every responsibility she has in life, perhaps she should take a basic cooking course. Those BJ's must be incredible if Kroy's willing to foot the bill for nannies, a chef, a housekeeper, a pool boy and most likely a yard crew, too. It's astonishing that two adults don't have functional knowledge of the correct usage of birth control.

Does Harrison actually expect us to believe those ultra-sensitive microphones at the rose ceremony did not pick up EXACTLY what was said? Come on now. The Bachelor/Bachelorette seasons get more and more boring. When they're ripping off Maury Povich to liven things up, perhaps it's time to finally put the show out of its misery.

The bitchy 19-year-old sister in law? I was shouting "Don't marry him!" at the TV. Without getting into TMI, I know what that bride is facing. The entire family must think the SIL's antics are just adorable, or it would have stopped a long time ago. I wonder what else the wrestler controls in their household. I'm guessing pretty much everything.

I'm sure they think the bickering over birth control is totes adorbs, but it's flat-out annoying. Hey, Kroy: I can't stand your wife, but she has a point. Getting snipped is a hell of a lot less involved for you than major abdominal surgery for her. I was also amused at Wig's claim that she only has "one nanny". Uh-huh.

The televised notification of Eric Hill's death to his former co-stars was gross. Using Chris Harrison's house to do so was hilarious. A multi-billion dollar TV network could not possibly locate a "suitable" location or keep a death notification off-camera? Please. I really love football, but there were a lot of red flags in Andi's interaction with Josh's family. The Christ Child -- ooops, Josh's younger brother -- giving the toast and monopolizing all conversation? Was there anyone else in the room? All weekends will be dedicated to going to his games as well. It's sixteen weekends a year, but it's MANDATORY. Again, I love football, but I would have been heading out the door after that one.

An extra-special dedication to Andi the Bachelorette. I might also add that Andi wishes she were as talented at anything in life as the comedy stylings of the late (and still beloved) Madeline Kahn. I felt last night's grief-a-palooza (presided over by the oh-so-smarmy Chris Harrison) was one of the more tasteless things I've ever seen. Eric may have been a stealth drama queen. At the same time, a short statement of sympathy for his family, perhaps some photos or a few reminiscences from a family member, and fade to black. I wonder if Fleiss' decision to show Eric's argument with Andi was an extra-special FU to his family as well.