Birnam Wood

The multiple-choice option does remove the possibility of Rudy’s glorious “I dunno” responses from OG Survivor, though. 🤣

So many double-entendres in the immunity challenge. I don't particularly like Yam Yam, but I appreciated his giggling at Jeff's remark at his "inability to properly handle his ball" or whatever it was. As soon as I saw the gyroscope reward challenge, I thanked Jebus that I wasn't strapped into that thing because I would have immediately puked, and the aftermath of that would be horrific. Loved Carolyn losing the ball (heh) and almost wandering off into the woods, though. Is this the most unathletic final five ever? They'd all kick my ass, but there's no obvious challenge beast remaining.

Seriously. Because it can't be said enough, shut UP, Jeff! On the plus side, I don't believe he said "let's git it ooooooon" like he normally does, so I'll take that temporary win.

Well, today I learned that there’s a Lauren. And she’s short.

I enjoyed it for what it was. Loved that Martin Angelic’ super-secret file room with the stealthy wine rack entryway HAD A WINDOW.

I assumed Kesi was the Mole when she was the first player introduced. The producers love to pull stunts like that. 🤷‍♀️

Claudia & Floss: the spin-off we all need and deserve, with nary a troubled twin in sight. Make it happen, Netflix. Is every building in Echo Falls made of newspaper and dry twigs?

I require a character with a eyepatch and some classic demonic possession. Immediately. Soooo… are we assuming that Mattie was bottle-fed? And that Jack is FUCKING STUPID?

I’m mainly here for the goddamn delight that is Karen Robinson. Oh, and for moments like these: Dad: “We always want you to feel welcome here. Isn’t that right, Claudia?” Claudia: <glares angrily>

I thought it was hilarious that this self-aggrandizing "bad-ass" apparently still lived at Mommy and Daddy's house. And what the hell did they think he did all day???

They gave the angry, drunk teenagers fire. FIRE. I was 23, and yes, this was an excellent reminder of how much I hated most of that music. Except perhaps Sheryl Crow. (Jewel seemed like a "one of these things is not like the other" inclusion).

But no guns. 😉

Elissa's dad: "I was most upset when they took my guns" (probably paraphrased because I may or may not have been shouting at the television). Yes -- that is ABSOLUTELY the greatest injustice that was perpetuated within the community. Who do you believe will portray you in the movie, sir?

Seriously. Consider sunscreen, dude. You look like Hans Moleman.

My ten-year-old wandered in during the immunity challenge and asked me why none of the competitors were telling the loud guy in the blue shirt to SHUT UP.

Tori really went all god-botherer at the end, eh? I guess her chosen deity was screwing with her by letting her win the first two Immunity Challenges and THEN dropping her in the ocean.

Right??? I loathe coconut with the fire of a thousand suns, but I'd damn well eat it to avoid starvation (though I would never go on Survivor in the first place). Also, shut UP, Mike. It's not about you. Yes, voting off someone who agreed to sit out the challenge in exchange for rice would be a jerk move. However, there are still four orange people -- I refuse to use the stupid "tribe" names -- left. And one of them is He-Man's Southern cousin who wins all the things and DID NOT SIT OUT. #JustSaying

Daniel must have been gobsmacked watching the episode: “But Omar’s not a lawyer. How did he DO that???” I’ve never eaten at Applebee’s, and, as a Canadian, am not ever likely to do so. Even if I were so inclined, though, I once caught a commercial of theirs in which the tagline was the grammatical train wreck “Eatin’ good in the neighbourhood” (no, I will not drop that “u”). NOPE NOPE NOPE.

IT WORKS WITH MY USERNAME. Like the tale of Zach and Marianne… it’s destiny. 😉

Marry me, tracyscott76.

Production seems to have fully dispensed with the stupid rebus clues they had on the side of the immunity challenge structures last season. I wonder how many tears Probst shed when he realized that the audience was not, in fact, playing along? Perhaps they attempted one this season and Tori rolled her eyes at it. And then Maryanne wouldn't stop talking about it. And then it made Daniel's shoulder spontaneously pop out of its socket.

Rocksroy's face at the end was all FATHER IS VERY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, CHILDREN. He's not long for this game if he can't get better at reading the room (and I've seen no indication that he can). All 100 pounds of Romeo are playing a sneaky-good game. I enjoyed his editing montage of Rocksroy's bossiness.

But I don't want to like Tori!

Remember when Probst retired the phrase "Come on in, guys?" even though no one cared? Why is he still allowed to say "Let's get it on!" in that horrific way at the beginning of challenges? WHY?????

They need Karen Robinson's character back, ASAP. I realize that the actress is currently juggling two shows, but Kelly is being an idiot about her obviously ne'er-do-well boyfriend, and Commander Shanks would have put a stop to that right quick. For the sake of my sanity, I need this to happen. And yes, the sisters were awesome. Replacing them with the stupidest teenager on the planet was... a choice.