Heathen

You said yourself it was years ago. I had a standard-length coat zipper replaced two years ago and the shop wanted $60 just for that.

This can't be said enough. We acknowledge that what "reality" tv shows isn't reality*, but at the same time we (general we) think that what reality tv portrays is reality.** *Michelle as mother of the year, Jill as an actual midwife, for instance. **Jinger sitting around doing nothing for a year.

I had to look it up. Teetotaler here (not religious reasons, as you may be able to tell from my screen name. I'm an epileptic from a long double line of drunks so made the decision to not drink.)

What's the scoop on the runaway bride? Too devoted to Pepsi? Wanted to follow her own cleaning schedule instead of Steve's? Realized all the original Maxwells are butt-ugly and she might have ugly babies? (I'm already in the handbasket so no need to tell me I'm going to hell.)

If I'm correct, the Maxwells have married off four sons and zero daughters? And one son (Christopher, I think) had a failed courtship, so there have been five Maxwell son courtships and zero for the daughters?

Cinderella Diana-Michelle Vuolo. Cinderfuckingrella Diana-Michelle Vuolo, for those who remember Pretty Woman.

Doesn't that hurt, though? Plus all the squashing?

Yes, Famy is an only child.

Deanna looks overweight, but not all that huge. Her jawline and facial features are defined, and her arms look reasonably proportioned. Of course, that red thing she's wearing doesn't flatter her.

At least not the boys who don't have long arms.

OW. I wonder why she doesn't pursue reduction surgery. Do you suppose her nephews hear "NIKE!" whenever Aunt Deanna is around? Or does it not count if it's a relative?

Is that Deanna's bustline? If so, good grief, I pity her.

Mullet's the Incredible Shrinking Fundie. If she lives another twenty years, she'll be four feet tall. Does Mullet look, um, busty to anyone else? Maybe KJB bought her a proper bra fitting for her last birthday.

Where? I scrolled and didn't see any Duggars.

Jeremy couldn't please a lot of people if he turned into Barack Obama and then sprouted a halo. I agree he's at least partly responsible for Jinger's growth and that she's very much in love with him.

There's always someone who wants someone else's spouse/partner. Forbidden fruit or jealousy, who knows. My aunt was like that; she never had a relationship with a guy who wasn't attached when she met him, and that includes hitting on my dad when he was married to my mother.

Why is Chimp Face wearing what looks like track pants and a polo shirt? Only things that fit? The preschoolers hadn't finished doing the family laundry yet?

That's Johannah at the back?

Dan Dillard is homely, but he looks better than his brother now. Think Jilly used a cereal bowl or a mixing bowl?

I think Derelict deleted my tweet to him. Of course, I'm new to that medium so maybe I'm just not seeing it.

There's a derickmdillard Twitter and a derick4him. He's got two?

Looks like she did her nails with Wite-Out.

No nail polish looks better than that chipped, scraggly mess, Jilly.

I prefer to think of them as Zitney. More fitting.

I've always had the impression Derelict would prefer his mother to have been the grieving widow all her days, instead of remarrying. My aunts and uncles were like that even though my grandmother had been divorced for almost thirty years before she remarried. They never accepted her second husband even though it was his pension that allowed her to loan them money.