jade.black

Just caught up on the last two episodes. They seem so short with just one solo date and one group date (and the fact that they ARE short episodes). Edith was so gorgeous! Would have loved to see more of her. April looks like Jessica Lange. Faith looks like Katey Sagal. Not a big fan of Leslie. She seems like she actually belongs on the younger version of the show. I don't mean that as a compliment. I'm sorry, but who is that photographer for the photoshoot dates? Or maybe the better question is, why is anyone hiring him? Those photos were BAD. Like drunk photo booth at a wedding bad.

I'm obsessed with April. The calendar where every month was the month of April? With April photoshopped into seasonal themed photos? Along with the sexy chicken dance? Take all my roses.

If anything, I think Vanessa was reinforcing the sexist idea that women must be "nurturing" because she sees motherhood as the end all be all of life (evidenced by her insane fixation on babies). That's why she acted like it was the most offensive thing anyone had done on the show and jumped to Micah's defense. Vanessa was just gross through the whole reunion. It's like she's recruiting for a cult of parenthood.

Kate is an asshole. I see no appeal in Logan but was impressed with how articulate he's been this season and how perfectly he described their situation at various times. There were a lot of people there I wanted to hear from and didn't - Andrew, Ency, Lace. I fast forwarded half the episode because of recaps - how did they take such a painfully drawn out season and then rush through the most interesting episode? I also would have loved to hear or see Gabby's reaction to the Johnny/Victoria situation. Poor guy. Eeeee Danielle Maltby is moving to Akron?! I'm in Cleveland! Does she need girlfriends? I feel like she needs girlfriends. How do I casually tell a cool girl I'd like to be friends?

I was bored through most of this season, but I'm glad I pushed through to see these final two episodes. That was really affecting.

Andrew is such a gem, he's been my favorite from the beginning. It was so refreshing to see a guy on this show 1) Truly care about addressing the feelings of others, including his ex-flings 2) Prioritize and discuss his own mental health 3) Notice and walk away from toxic behavior at the first red flag 4) Insist on being respectful in finishing a conversation he felt was important 5) Keep a calm and level head through the whole thing. Also he has generally been funny, fun, mature, and well-liked by everyone. Please Andrew for bachelor! I'd DM him if I were single (or the type to DM D-list reality stars). I think Ency, along with seeing her chances of screentime disintegrate, thought that staking a claim on her man would play well on TV. I also think she was very drunk, but that was super out of line behavior and any guy should run if a girl is insisting after one day that he drop friendships with other women/exes immediately. The way she said, "Are you sure about that?" when he said he wanted to maintain a friendship with Jessenia. Yikes. I wasn't even for Jessenia's unnecessary interrogation of Andrew (and I hated that she kept using his name at the end of every sentence like it was a lecture), but her reaction to Ency was correct. I'd have been tempted to toss Ency over that balcony to get away from her clutches.

There's a real creepy cult mentality this season that's putting me off (along with the million other cringey things these castmembers are doing to put me off). The group cheering in the background every time someone gets a romantic kiss. The group hostility in driving off newcomers. The group celebration when any couple makes up. The group coercion to choose the preferred suitor. The group crying when their most beloved is rejected. I'm expecting some weird Midsommar group orgasm any episode now. Are the bodies of the departed stacked in a barn somewhere? Will the elders (Michael and Danielle) jump off a cliff next? Wild.

This episode was SO TOXIC. I hope nobody impressionable is watching this and thinking that these are actual values to aspire to in relationships. No, your partner should not have to give you orders and make choices for you to prove their love. No, fighting and crying and yelling and threatening to leave are not signs that someone really cares. Who are these people?! I was so uncomfortable watching. This episode should have come with a somber PSA at the beginning.

"Kate, what are you doing? You're shorter than her, find the high ground!" had to be the funniest line in the episode. I also liked Kate (although don't care one way or the other about her) saying unless Shenae had done therapy and ayahuasca, she hadn't changed that much. I've surpisingly been a Shenae fan this season. She seems like the only one of these joyless women trying to have a good time. That's aside from Brittany, who I am hugely crushing on and can't believe doesn't have every guy's attention. That black swimsuit/cover-up she came back in? Holy shit. I won't take a stance on Victoria in general although she's been much more pleasant than on her season, but Johnny acting like questions about career goals or future plans were outrageous in the face of love really showed his immaturity. My hatred for Genevieve grows each week. I have no feelings about the new guys (except Aussie is hot), but it was pretty awful and cruel that they sent Olu and Rick home for no good reason while all the girls - Florence and Sarah - who didn't make connections weren't kicked off. Then they're going to let the other three new guys (and Justin with a comeback) meet the new girls but not those two? Honestly that would put me off signing up for a future season as a potential castmember. Totally arbitrary who they decide to screw over.

Wells is super tight with production, from what I can see. He even stills golfs with Chris Harrison. He's definitely been elevated to a position more in line with that, I wouldn't have considered him cast for awhile now. And I also agree with whoever said he isn't as attractive anymore. Physically, yes, still cute, but I guess I don't appreciate his humor, and he joins in or encourages mean girl antics too often for my liking. I also forgot to mention that I just do not understand what Mike is doing (and I like him, actually). He spent this whole week complaining about being one of the roseless ones, but he drove off the only girl he was interested in/was interested in him. She was definitely moving too fast with the stepmom comments, and it seems like he realized he wasn't that into her, but that's not what he told her. He spouted off something about not being in the headspace for her due to grief, but now here he is still sitting on the beach saying he wants to meet someone. You did meet someone! You told her you weren't mentally in a place to be more than friends! What are you still doing there? He's a 38 year old dad living in Akron who doesn't seem the type to look for Insta fame, so seriously, what is the goal?

I just wish all the worst things for Genevieve, truly. What an incredible bitch. She was mad Salley was 'taking someone's spot'? On a week when the women have the roses? No, she was mad that Salley might be GIVING a spot to Justin, who is not allowed to be happy now that she discarded him. Brittany is awesome. I'd want to be friends with her in real life. And I think Andrew is easily the most adorable guy on the beach, so I'm about this. Also Casey is the funniest person there, and I need someone to give him a rose, please. Or can they employ him as daytime bartender? "When you go underwater and hold your breath, it makes you realize how important air is" has to be the most enlightening shit I've ever heard on a TV show. Mindblowing. Omg! The comedic value of this episode though! I cackled at least twice. Pizza Pete using a yacht date to tell his captive audience all about himself. They're on a boat, so she can't say no... because of the implication. (Hope there are Always Sunny fans in here.) Then Romeo's prolonged deliberation - and I loved that they didn't edit a second of it - as he realizes Kiera caught him in a no-win situation. He just made a move saying he should've chosen her, but he thought it'd mean she could come back to give him a rose, not that he'd have to leave the beach. However, now, if he declines leaving with her, he's exposed as a liar. And Kira must have noticed his panic, but she was set on staging her happy ending and knows she trapped him, so she's calm as hell. Bahahaha the close-ups on his frozen smile during Kira's happily ever after monologue. He might as well have been blinking SOS in morse code. Absolute gold.

Rachel has to be the actual worst dressed Bachelorette in history. Just from tonight, we had red 80s puff sleeves as big as her head, another sheer black single puff sleeve tacked onto a one shoulder black dress, an Oscar statue looking one sleeve dress (she's really trying to bring back the one shoulder look and it should stay dead), and a white one shoulder top that looked like someone cut up a fitted bed sheet and threw it on her body. Say what you will about Gabby's skimpy clothing, she always looks banging. Which just emphasizes Rachel's awful, awful wardrobe. Of all the places to take sepia-toned Polaroids with film aged since the 70s, a vividly colored field of tulips is not it. I would have sent all of these grown men home for not being able to candidly answer straightforward questions about sex. It's 2022, I've shared more scandalous information with strangers at the bar. Why did Gabby waste an entire one-on-one on somebody she had already decided to send home?? Why has there not been a single cocktail party? Why did they cancel Gabby's tonight even though she and the guys both wanted to be at it since if they were all exposed to Covid (which I see is a story we should be doubting), they're in the same boat (ha) anyway? And they were all together the next night maskless, so huh? Nothing this season has made any sense, and I feel like they've spent no time with these guys, and I'm bored. Take me to paradise.

Willow is my fave, but I did not think she did enough with that role. It could have been the most fun sequence in the show, but she was dead in the face and didn't give the energy I wanted. I actually thought the whole show was really good (songs and script), but I had the same issue with a lot of the other girls too. The only ones who impressed me were Camden, Deja, and Daya. I do love Bosco though, so I was really happy she had the golden bar. That was a really nice moment! Now please, no more non-elim episodes. End this.

Guys, I am still tipsy from last night but I got teary as fuck when they played a regency version of Dancing On My Own during that dance scene. 😭 Anthony and Kate are ON FIRE. I am so much more invested in the romance this season!! And I love that he still proposed to the sister (very in character). Give me all the angst. Let's go. That said, I actually like Daphne this season in the wise sibling role. I'm shocked. Kate looked beautiful in that dress for the dance. And Edwina is gorgeous too. It's awesome that I feel like I really understand Anthony as a character and human. All of his backstory and solo scenes have really fleshed him out and have me rooting for him. We saw a flash of that pamphlet guy that Eloise talked to the other episode which makes me hopeful he'll be back for more interactions with her... He's super cute and they had chemistry.

I also did not at all like Daphne in season 1 and thought she was batting way out of her league... not to mention my issues with forcing children on someone who outspokenly did not want them (and then, even worse, "he only needed the right person to convince him that children were what he wanted deep down!"). After this first episode though, I am all in for this season's story. Kate is awesome already, Anthony needs to be put in his place, and I'm also a sucker for enemies to lovers. The setup of him going after her sister first makes it all the more interesting. I also really like both new actresses for the Sharma sisters, and Eloise was my favorite girl in season 1, so I'm loving all women in the spotlight this year.