Batwings

Pauly has done or is still doing yearly resident DJ gigs in Vegas. Those pay a TON. I just remembered he was the opening act on one of Britney Spears tours. That money probably wasn’t too shabby either. Good for him. I always liked Pauly, he still seems down to earth & a genuinely decent person.

Apparently, last night Scheana was hanging out with Ronnie from Jersey Shore (among others). If anyone isn’t familiar with him & his latest shenanigans, oh please pretty please Google him. Trainwreck. Something was definitely off with what we saw of the Lisa/Stassi/Patrick conversation. Wonky editing? Otherwise Stassi appeared under the influence of something that made her unable to form a full sentence any time Lisa spoke to her.

Ramona is a complete asshole. That poor artist & his friend should have told her to fuck off. In her eyes, everyone is beneath her & a potential servant. I am really at the point of finding no redeeming qualities in that woman.

“The words ‘meltdown and Jax’ go together like ‘pizza and ranch’” ? Where was Scheana?? Timing Rob doing some mundane, normal task in record breaking time?? “He like, opened a jar of pickles for me in 8 seconds. I timed it.” Rob is so fetch.

Drunk Dorinda with her bubbles hanging and falling off was everything. I hope they can integrate the Lu/Camel flashback into every season. LOL I think Ramona looked good in her TH with the shorter hair. Carole, IMO, somehow looks worse each season.

2 episodes in & this is the only comment. ? I’m dead.

Scheana, please STAAAAHHHHHPPPP trying to make you & Rob happen, it’s not going to happen. Her lips remind me of gummy worms. Brittany’s facial expressions with Jax after his “therapy” gave me life. The yeah right, eye-rolling, mixed with disbelief, sprinkled with a hint of jealous rage. Sandoval packing his checkered speedo. Hee! The way Jax looks at and talks to Brittany, woooooooo! That boy would be floating face down in a body of water. He couldn’t give 2 shits about her feelings. Brittany is a sweet girl. She is like a circus animal, her spirit is slowly & constantly being beat out of her.

This season has been mostly fun to watch and snark on, until now. This episode basically just left me disappointed in everyone. In Tom/Ariana for blindly defending Jeremy. In Schwartz for yet again, not standing up for his wife, Katie to his other spouse, Sandoval. For Brittany having to always call each parent to let them know what Jax did wrong. And did she say “I hope Meemaw (Mamaw? Whatever) doesn’t find out!” Why the hell does Meemaw need to know? Be an adult and deal with your relationship problems. Or don’t. But in the future, don’t sit and wonder why your family (minus Frostylips) hates your man.

I think I just found my new band name.

The way TomTom (especially Sandoval) could not stay still during the 2nd meeting, or STFU for that matter, leads me to believe they might have been partaking in something *cough*nosecandy*cough*. Maybe the same something that made Jax’s nose so stuffed up that morning? ? Scheana. Forever delusional. Forever tone-deaf.

This made me LOL. Gretchen needs to stop f#%king with her face, asap.

Lisa imitating Kyle’s “accent” sounded EXACTLY like Kyle. Lol. After all these years, I still can not focus on anything except Rinna’s frankenlips when she is on the screen.

This is why, just like Brittany, I cannot quit Jax. He is a walking punchline. My favorite part of this episode was: LaLa: “I saw y’all comin back and I put my top back on.” Jax: “Awwww, bummer!” Brittany: “You’re not cleared to say things like that.” Brittany stop lying. If Jax hooked up with LaLa that same night, you’d take him back. ?

I died during the previews for next week. Rob basically saying he doesn’t love Scheana/cut to Scheana telling Kristin how much in-love they are and “HE F#%KING ADORES MEEEE” haha, okay. She’s pathetic & needs to find her own happiness and identity without a man. I spent the entire LaLa/James kitchen fight trying to decide whose pupils were more dilated. ? I need a Sandoval montage of greatness. Including but not limited to: flat-ironing, forehead shaving, costume changes, trumpet playing, crying and knife wielding.

Scheana, besides being exhausting to listen to, also looks horrible. Peter looks like he has found the fountain of youth. Jax is an idiot, serial cheater and possibly a sociopath, but I just can’t quit him. Schwartz’s “77%” comment made me LOL. James, it’s okay. Just live your truth. Kristen still looks perpetually unclean.

Watching this tonight, all I could think about is Karen Hill in Goodfellas saying: “They had bad skin and wore too much make-up. I mean, they didn't look very good. They looked beat-up. And the stuff they wore was thrown together and cheap.”

Tom & Ariana’s apartment looks, for lack of a better word, crusty. Stassi joined Tom & Katie on their honeymoon? Of course she did. Lmao. Kristen saying she wanted to smash Jax’s balls with a sledgehammer but over his pants, so she didn’t have to see? Oh Kristen. You’ve seen those balls already. A lot. Do I think Jax banged Faith? Yes. Do I think Brittany will leave him? Nope. Brittany should bang James for the ultimate revenge. LOL.

The only things I could focus on were MJ’s choker teetering on the brink of embedding into her neck, and Shervin’s tiny man bun.

Is LeeAnne auditioning for best soap opera villain ever? Her overreactions crack me up. Kameron arriving, walking into, and sitting down at her “dog food meeting”. Good Lord. All I could hear in my head was “Hi. I’m Elle Woods. And this is Bruiser Woods. And we’re both gemini vegetarians.” Cary is a fake, two faced bitch.

Safaree, please don’t ever change. Masika, go away. Far away. And find a stylist while you are there. Keyshia, you kept it classy and seem like a genuinely sweet and honest person. Therefore, please don’t come back to this hot ass mess of a show. Honestly I don’t even care about anyone else at this point. ?

Did I catch a little insinuation that Shervin and Destiney might be hooking up now? Oh, Shervin. Dear Mike, white people love the shit out of buffets.

Not to get off episode topic, but yep. Experienced that once. Lost 15 pounds in a week. Cleaned my house A LOT. Lol. Went off pills & eventually gained double back. Sigh.

Of course Shannon became borderline hysterical in the car. I’m sure David’s ears were bleeding that night after she got home. Those watches were ugly as f&@#

Asa’s recollection of the beginning of her relationship with Jermaine. Wow. I’m pretty sure I had an acid trip once where the same exact thing happened.

Brielle looks the same age as Kim. She needs to stop with her lips. Like yesterday. Those girls are way too young to be messing with so much plastic surgery already. Standing in front of some of the oldest, most beautiful “archi-texture” in the world with her daughters and what does Kim say? “Arch your backs, now suck it in!” Priorities. And there is Kroy, always standing by with his perma Stepford-smile. Eeks.