PhoneCop

Upside to this week: Maybe being Bottom 3 will smack some of the smugness off Erin's face. I liked her first dress, but she's been running on her own complacency ever since. I kept wondering if I'd have liked Rik's more in a dull matte red rather than the Trump Orange he chose. Same problem with Roberi—I didn't see cocktail in that fabric, just flashbacks to those Ocean Pacific shirts that were all the rage with boys in the '70s and early '80s.

Among all the things that other people have already cited, I loved that the episode's darkest moment was in the kids' cereal commercial.

Well, they brought Francesca back, so never say never.

Nice to know they aren't dragging out the Jianyu plotline. I mean, I know we all expected him to speak eventually, but I wasn't expecting Episode 3. The early exterior scenes with Eleanor and Tahani were shot in the Chinese Garden at the Huntington Library. Wonder if that'll be a recurring locale or if this was just a one-off.

Add me to the list of people who are instantly over the dumb and overly forced theme. So twentysomethings tend to have a looser work ethic and like a beach party, thirty- and fortysomethings tend to take a more grounded, pragmatic approach and prioritize building a shelter. That's not Survivor: Generations, it's Survivor: Life Stages.

Awesome typo. If it is, in fact, a typo and not intentional. This is a far cry from my ideal end scenario—which would be something impossible like Natalie and Day at F2, with Natalie winning, Day getting a new job as Jeff's replacement, and Baldwin winning AFP—but then I remember we could have a Grodner-gasm of an F3 like Corey, Paulie, and Frank instead. So, yay? I kind of don't want Nicole to win, but given the alternatives, it's like she's the 30 of a 35/35/30 split. Thanks to all the feed watchers for keeping a cheap bastard like me up to date all summer long! Maybe I'll shell out for OTT, maybe I won't—real TV is back now, after all.

One-day unconventional materials challenge. WHY. I mean, I was actually impressed with what most people pulled out under such a ridiculous time constraint, but I would’ve liked to have seen what Roberi’s would’ve looked like if he’d had a second day to refine the shape of his dress a bit. Hated delusional Ian just from his Road to the Runway segment, so watching him go down in flames with a total nothing of a shift dress was schadenfreudelicious. He should’ve gone regardless, but the fact that he couldn’t even own his mistakes like Brik owned his probably didn’t help his case. That said, I would’ve swapped in Laurence and Kimber to round out the Bottom 3. Step it up, ladies! Are those new glasses on Tim? I never noticed anything else he was wearing because my eyes kept getting distracted by the frames.

Poor Earn. I haven't had a server gleefully ratchet up the tab on me like that, but I know that sinking feeling of being in an upscale place and hating what I've gotten myself into. That said, I couldn't help thinking of the My Dinner With Abed episode of Community and Troy freaking out over the bill: "Market price? What market do you shop at?!?"

"Loser" works. On a couple of levels.

I think you answered your own question. He's no brain trust, plus he's only good at one kind of comp and easily manipulated by women and/or money. And he could be reunited with that African healer!

You're not just cranky. On top of Grodner's machinations and failed twists, ninety-nine days is simply too fucking long, especially with sixteen people. We're here for the DEs that speed things up, not for the buybacks that drag things out, and I don't know that I would have patience for fourteen weeks of this even with a particularly good cast. Which this bunch is not.

Showing my age here, but my first thought was "Is that Run or DMC visiting the jury house?"

Nicole's a great goat, but I personally don't want to see her get 50K for three months of summer camp with Coooooooooreeeeeeeeeey.

Brenchel really bring out the most insufferable qualities in each other and this is like the ultimate manifestation of that—the attention-seeking princess-y meets the adamantly nerdy.

Excuse me, I think you mean the cootie grass.

Best puppet show in the house since Brian's sock puppet theater of the doomed in Season 10. I guess we can add improv to Victor's slate of talents.

Ugh, one more reason to despise Derrick and all that he stands for. Although I guess it is kind of funny as an inversion of the "cop on the take" trope.

Tiffany or Day getting bounced would likely only be temporary anyway, wouldn't it? I can't see Grodner easily letting go of a vet or Vanessa's Sister Who Brings the Drama. Plus whoever it is would only have to win a single round of the Battle Back, and it's not like any of the four existing evictees are worth rigging that over, comparatively. Natalie might be a different story, but she's not the big, juicy target for the house that Tiff/Day are.

Audrey. I have no love for Austin, but he did give us one fantastic line in response to Audrey's meltdown: "Hospice is not a strategy."

True, but not for at least a couple of seasons. Taking my victories where I can get them. Since it's not a fan-voted line-up—and I can see why they didn't bother, given the unexciting list of prospects—I wish they'd brought back Gervase's niece Marissa. I figure she'll always be a longshot since she went early, but I'll love her forever just for "Fuck you, Brad Culpepper." Though maybe that was enough to put her on Jeff's permanent shitlist.

Oy. Not saying that's exactly my nightmare cast, but it's pretty damn close. Seriously, they couldn't find one male player I could root for? I guess the silver lining is that this burns off a lot of Probst's mancrushes all at once.

LA has no shortage of would-be actors and working extras who can show up at any given hour on little notice, dressed however you need them to be dressed. Throw in a few randoms like me—a full-time freelancer who works from home and sets his own hours—and voilà, insta-crowd!

Oh, Edmond. Nothing says red carpet like an ABBA dress rendered in shave ice tones—and I do mean nothing. But I have more residual affection for him than Ashley at this point, so bring on the inevitable save and let's wrap this thing up already.