Jodio

My election night dinner party in 2004 definitely went sideways when W. started collecting the electoral votes. I basically abandoned ship, told my guests they were on their own, and was ranting and raving while refreshing web pages looking for hope. My then-fiancee put me on news blackout for 3 days after that heartbreaking disappointment. This year, with the horrifying possibility of Trump winning, I'm taking a different approach. As a Canadian, I'm feeling extremely powerless and terrified about the possibility of him winning, so I booked a trip to Bali and am leaving late on Tuesday night. If the election isn't decided by the time I leave Canada at midnight PST, I'm taking a Xanax and bunkering down on a plane for a 13 hour flight to Taipei. I'm way beyond alcohol so I'm going pharmaceutical for this one. If the worst case scenario happens and Trump wins, I'll get in one last trip before he's inaugurated. Then I'll just get my affairs in order and wait for the mushroom clouds.

So, Brian Williams just reminded viewers that all of these allegations of sexual harassment/assault against Trump are of a "he said/she said" nature. Fuck you, Brian Williams! Fuck you!

Well, I think it's pretty obvious that Josh's entire run in Paradise was a big "fuck you" to Andi. Nothing more, nothing less. There's no way a controlling asshole like Josh was not going to respond to her book. And I'd bet my life that he read that book, cover to cover, more than once. Unfortunately for him, he didn't do damage control and only confirmed the worst of what she wrote about him. And took it to the next level with all the sweating and moaning, which weren't even in the book. However, Josh and the baby dragon are perfectly matched: two self-centered dullards, twu wuv forevah. I hope Andi was laughing her ass off while cruising the Greek Islands this summer and randomly yelling "bullet--dodged!" And I don't even like Andi. I'm super pumped for a season of Nick as the Bach and I want to put in my vote right now for Daniel in another season of Bachelor in Paradise. Because I'm Canadian.

Lavenderpenguin, where in the hell were you for the first 20 years of my dating life? This should be embroidered on throw pillows and given to every girl on her 13th birthday.

Well. This just happened.

Tonight's show was soooooo depressing. I was hoping the catfishing humiliation humbled Meri a little, but nope, she's still the same miserable, manipulative bitch. Janelle should run away from this reconciliation. Bad idea all around. There's nothing in it for Janelle and I think Meri just wants an ally. Very sad to see Mykelti dropping out of school to work in a pawn shop. No way she needs to take that route to growing up. She might have well have stayed in Vegas and found a job as a receptionist in a brothel. No good will come out of her new career direction. She will not be meeting people there who will influence her into going back to college. Every time I see the Browns blowing money on party/holiday decorations, my blood boils. I wonder how much money they've wasted over the years on crap. If these morons had stayed in Utah, kept their expenses as low as possible, got/kept actual jobs, and invested the TLC cash, they'd be way better off in the long run. When the TLC gravy train pulls out of the station, they're going to have nothing.

Nice catch. Unfortunately, (or maybe fortunately), I couldn't understand a single word that Corey (or is it Korey now?) said the entire episode, so it's nice to read the translation here on the boards. Totally forgot about Kourtney banging the Biebs. I kept waiting for the Botched docs to show up during tonight's episode. First, wtf was up with Khloe's ass during that scene on Kris's patio? It looked like she was wearing a loaded diaper. And Faye Resnick's face looked like it was melting. Literally. I wish Kourtney would have turned her keepin' it real rudeness away from Faye's decorating and toward the whole face situation. Rita Wilson is dead to me. That is all.

This episode really gave me the sads. I really hoped for so much more for Maddie. Whatever happened to her dream of becoming a lawyer? Instead she's moving to some shithole little house so she can maintain the illusion that she's preserving her hymen until marriage. When it was pretty obvious she busted it out on a quadding trail somewhere in the middle of nowhere. Maddie should be going to school, getting some therapy for her Daddy issues, traveling, and figuring out who she is. This marriage is a very bad idea. Loved Kody's hug, too. His head was turned away and he was essentially hugging his own arms, other than two head pets of Meri. He can barely tolerate being in the same room with her, yet they're still trying to convince us that polygamy works?

I'm no biblical scholar, but I'm pretty sure that if you die by overdose in a whorehouse, Jesus is not greeting you at the pearly gates. When Lamar was talking about dreaming about people who had passed while in his coma, but no Jesus, my guess was he saw his sleazy friend Jamie and Hitler. And what was all the crazy talk about God answering everyone's prayers and saving Lamar? I guess God let a few innocent kids with leukemia die so that he could focus his energies on Lamar. And Lamar does not have one fuck to give about any of it. He's just biding his time in house arrest before he goes out drugging and whoring again. He obviously did not learn one thing from his whole near-death experience. Which was apparently bad because we got to see the hospital photos. What a shitshow. There aren't even words to describe the hot mess that was Kanye's fashion show. I'm sure I put together similar "designs" as a kid by combining my mom's old pantyhose, costume jewelry, and pink fluffy bathmat. Sadly, nobody recognized my "talent."

I'm with you here; the whole cameras at breakfast makes things really sleazy. I liked things better in the old days, where the camera faded out at night and we were left to imagine what happened. In my mind, the night was followed with a Silkwood shower and perhaps some cleansing prayer before going to the next Fantasy Suite. Now, the only thing I imagined was Ben stopping and washing his manwich in the lobby restroom sink before taking his sloppy seconds and thirds on to the next lady. Gross.

Caila may not have Ben, or any discernible personality, but she has my undying worship of her hair. How she maintains smooth, bouncy, shiny hair in that climate is truly a wonder. Obviously Little Ben started making the decisions once Jojo's breast implants came out to play. I also noticed the boner in the waterfalls. I'm trying to decide whether Ben's a complete idiot, a cad, or a masterful sociopath. Whoever "wins" should run for the hills after seeing tonight's episode. Any grown man who voices every emotion he gets without considering the ramifications should not be dating, or even out in society, for that matter.

For all the talk about how the Kardashian-West kids only dress in high fashion, I have the exact same shirt that Saint is wearing. Bought it at Old Navy. That is all. Edited to add that, like North, I also have several pairs of Doc Martens. Either I should be concerned that I'm dressing like Kim's kids or they should be concerned that they're dressing their kids in the same style as a middle-aged Canadian lady.

Whoa, I can't believe Ben wasn't more shell-shocked after the visit to Jojo's house. First of all, the McMansion with the hotel furnishings. Wtf was that? And her mother's face was giving me nightmares. It was the worst combination of botox, fillers, and implants I've ever seen. She couldn't even close her joker mouth. Other than that, these hometown dates were pretty typical. Standard questions, then acceptance of the random Bachelor dating their daughters. Zzzzzzz......

Blah, this episode was super boring. The McDonald's carnival date was basically my worst nightmare. After eating that garbage, I would have spent the rest of the night in a Port-O-Potty with raging diarrhea and a pounding headache. I did, however, discover a new red flag to watch for while dating: it is a very bad sign if a guy says he's always wanted to go behind the counter at McDonald's. Just no. Can't wait for next week. Looks like Amanda's brats effectively cock-block her attempts at getting further with Ben. And not a moment too soon. Her voice is like nails on a chalkboard and at times she sounds exactly like Bachelorette Emily. That is not a good thing.

Ben H. is somehow morphing into a great Bachelor. I didn't see this coming. Of course I'm still distracted by his moley face, but that's nothing that some apple cider vinegar can't fix. Lauren B. totally sold me on her father. They should line him up to be the next Bachelor. No wonder she seems so mentally balanced, especially compared to the crew of nutbars in that house. I realize that the burden of cankles and ugly toes can cause a great deal of distress, but Olivia was treading into tin hat territory with all the "signs" she was picking up on from Ben. For the first time in franchise history, a Bachelorette actually showed some self-awareness and wisdom. And it was Lace! They should play her closing remarks on a loop for the rest of the women so that they get a little perspective and realize that the only path to love with another person is through loving yourself. And yes Amber, you can even adopt a bunch of cats for that process. In fact, spending time with some cats would probably do her a lot of good.