Maximona

I'm totally shallow, so I don't mind how eee-vil she is. I mind looking at her because she looks like an alien.

GREAT reunion. One by one, I'm giving up on the various Ho'Wives franchises. The catfights don't particularly entertain me. I'm there for the clothes, the decor, the food porn, and the occasional candid glimpse into lifestyles very different from my own. The two franchises I'm down to are Potomac and Miami. Potomac interests me because it's one of the very few shows on American TV that deals candidly with race. (Chris Rock's salvo in his recent Netflix special—You know what my parents taught me? Don’t fight in front of white people—was foreshadowed by Candiace in her very first season.) And Miami is king when it comes to clothes, decor, and food porn. I liked the narcissism question Andy posed. It divides the ladies up almost into the teams they divide themselves up into. Alexia, Marisol, Adriana & possibly Guerdy are the narcissists; Nicole, Julia, Lisa, and possibly Larsa are the non-narcissists. Other thoughts: I had a hard time looking at Alexia's Barbie doll face on top of her crepey neck. Girlfriend, if you really want to pretend to be a blow-up doll, you really need to visit a plastic surgeon—but not Lenny!—and do something about that throat and those upper arms. Also, Nicole has at least 50 IQ points on those other Miami Ho'Wives.

Huh. I thought it was smart. I don't understand the friendship between Julia and Adriana. True, Julia seems dumb as a pile of rocks (though anyone who is that into animals scores big points with me, plus she's the only one of this set of Ho'Wives who seems genuinely sweet.) But Adriana is not only vapid and narcissistic—which is verbiage in the Ho'Wife job description, after all—this season, she seems to be hovering close to borderline personality territory. I do not get the Julia/Adriana dynamic at all.

I think she needs to find another conditioner. The one she's using now doesn't stand up to humidity, so her hair is always a frizzy mess.

No, Adriana. Your poor dog would not be lying there beside your corpse dead. Your poor dog would be eating your corpse. And getting indigestion.

Me too! 😀

Many thank yews for the 411. (Lisa said she'd lived in the house for 15 years, which is why I was confused.)

As a one-time ER nurse, I was picking my jaw up off the floor (not literally, don't worry! 😀) that anyone would be stupid enough to get an IM injection without knowing exactly what was in that injection. I mean, my mind just boggled. Also, since we now know about Martina's unfortunate cancer diagnosis, I suspect Julia's "adoption journey" ends in bupkis, so I don't wanna watch it. Gringo Dinner? I'm not particularly politically correct. But even I found that borderline offensive. Anyway, Alexia is just so mega-creepy. And stupid. The asshole she's married to deserves her. And while Frankie seems like a sweet kid, "fear of Uber" does not strike me as a phenomenon that a lot of developmentally delayed young adults need hand-holding to get over. Hence, I am not gonna be donating to the DeHoya Foundation any time soon. Who is Lisa's divorce attorney? Admittedly, I don't know a whole lot about divorce law (at least where stratospherically expensive assets are involved), but I don't think any divorce judge in the world orders a wife and her (and his) two kids out of a house where she's lived for 15 years. I found it rather amusing that Larsa was essentially ordering McDonald's at the trying-desperately-but-not-succeeding-at-all club. (Did anyone notice that one of the very other few people in the club, sitting at the table next to them & shooting videos of Kiki on the pole, appeared to be some crew member's grandma?) And what value does Kiki add on any level to this show? I'm so uninterested in the amount of dick Kiki needs. And I personally believe it was Lisa who misconstrued the parties and the hot girls and the models 'cause I think Lenny would love to swing like Tarzan in the jungle. Gotta love those squeaky wheelchair noises at the end of the ep, though. Genius!!!! 😀

Alexia was mad because it is now an incontrovertible fact that she was wrong. 😀 Alexia doesn't like to be wrong. (Gotta give her points, though, for immediately shifting the focus of the catfight to, "He was disrespecting me.") Also gotta say Nicole and Werewolf Lawyer Fiance's engagement party is the only Real Ho'Wife party I have ever wished I could have whinged an invitation to. So stylish and elegant! Okay! On to Alexia's luncheon cum family law seminar. (That'll teach those married lawyers to try to burnish their family law brand courtesy of the Real Ho'Wives! Though they did end up offering some salient insights.) My ❤️LUV❤️ for Nicole just grows and grows! Not only does she give the best parties, she is also the absolute best at dramatic gestures!!! How much do I love her flashing of the black AMEX card (which I must say I was unaware was still a status item.) Best quote from any Real Ho'Wives franchise ev-ah: When I'm with you, I feel like somebody should be reading me my Miranda rights!" I waffle on the Lisa thing. Like, true, Lennie is behaving like a jerk, and one cannot help but think that ladies who lunch in Miami might have second thoughts about entrusting mammary enhancement to a jerk. On the other hand, Lisa seemed so entirely into infantilizing Lennie in his scenes before he officially left her, and nobody likes to be infantilized. Oh, yeah—in a couple of Marisol's talking heads, she had this... thing on the middle fingers of her right hand. It...glittered. What the hell was that?

I know, right? It is my Secret Shame. 😀

True confession: I kinda like Larsa. True, she's trashy. But she's completely upfront about it. Believe it or not, she studied political science in college. 😀

Well, it ain't gonna happen now that Martina is fighting the Big C. I know, right? A kid is a "kid"... 😀

Now that RHOBH and RHONY have imploded and RHOP has become such a crashing bore, Miami is the only franchise I still watch. It's never quite interesting enough to propel me into High Snark Mode, though. But in appreciation of Keywestclubkid's selfless efforts to get this Official Forum rollin'... 😀 •. Guerdy et famille's family game night was the lamest charades game ev-ah. •. I must be completely outside the American standards-of-beauty zeitgeist because to me, Alexia looks like a space alien, Marisol looks like the CryptKeeper on Tales From the Crypt, and Lisa looks like she has scleroderma. (If Lennie did her facelift, he did a bad job, and she should have been the one serving divorce papers.). Don't even get me started on Larsa & Adriana (who I still have problems telling apart.) • I will say that, for whatever reason, Larsa strikes me as smart. Shallow but smart. Obvs, I have no way of proving this, but I have the impression that Larsa is smart enough to have gone to medical school herself had she had the slightest iota of interest in doing such. So, I think the competition between Larsa and Nicole is actually a competition over brains—which, if true, is a refreshing change for a Real Ho'Wives show. • Nicole wins the competition hands down in Ep. 10 'cause that mirror "gift" was such a great putdown!!!!!!! But I'm surprised that Nicole could disinvite Larsa. I mean, aren't the Ho'Wives contractually obligated to have all ho's on deck when they're doing a party?? Nicole is indeed a subtle bitch. • That engagement party venue was amazing. •. Julia remains my favorite of the Miami Ho'Wives. She's just so goofy. And smart in her own way because despite her apparent goofiness, she managed to snag Martina without a prenup! Plus I ❤️LUV❤️ goats.

I don't disagree that Kathy did something. But I do disagree with the characterization of "awful." I do the same thing when I'm upset and stressed: I lash out. Is it regrettable behavior? Sure. Is it awful behavior? I'd say that depends upon the events that built up to it. From what I observed—a highly edited version of what was actually going on, to be sure—Kathy really didn't want to be there and wasn't having any fun pretending to like these other women. She sat on it for several hours, but when she blew, she blew. She apologized to the only person who was in a position to be honestly hurt by her words, and as RHOBH apologies go, hers was among the more gracious that I've ever seen. Her mistake was in somehow thinking Rinna was someone she could vent to.

Very satisfying reunion ep. Bravo, Bravo! 😀 I guess my general sense is that everybody melts down occasionally—I know I do—and that when one melts down, one says things that cha-cha with the truth and that one immediately regrets. So what? This is what's known as blowing off steam. Kathy's mistake, it seems to me, was in thinking Rinna was someone she could melt down in front of. Kathy must have had some notion that a friendly 20-whatever year relationship trumped performing for the show, which clearly it did not. I actually don't blame Rinna for immediately blowing it up. The Ho'wives all have designated Bravo producers lurking around them like evil genies, and it seems to me that Rinna's producer must have goaded her on here. Rinna has clearly been instructed by someone to play the villainess to the hilt. I vaguely remember that there was some sort of standoff between Kathy and Bravo early in the season; my guess is that Bravo decided it needed to get its money's worth out of Kathy, and Rinna was the tool it used. Also seems unlikely to me that Kathy would use a homophobic slur seeing as how she's been immersed in Hollywood culture from earliest childhood. I think Erika was blatantly lying on that one. What was weirdest to me was watching Kyle cry. It is just so strange watching a Botox-frozen face grappling with human emotions! Also, Rinna really looks like a space alien to me. I keep looking at her and thinking, On what planet is this person supposed to epitomize feminine beauty?

Lotsa oldies but goodies in this reunion ep. 😀 I'd forgotten all about that time Sutton read from the Rinna Rule Book!!! And Sutton's arch, "It would take an exorcist to get the soap actress out of Rinna"—the truth of which was borne out only moments later when they replayed the scene where Rinna faux-sobs, "I don't know how to live without Lois!" (Okay, Rinna, I get that your face is too Botox-ed for actual expression! But, see, there are these things called tear ducts, and when humans get upset, well—those ducts produce these things called tears.) I hope Rinna doesn't pass up the opportunity for a new musical career: Lipstick on her ashes, Told the tale on yew-ew! And Sutton's "I don't consider you a friend." ❤️. What was that unfamiliar sensation scattering the scent of Andy Cohen's body wash, Erika's mouthwash, and Rinna's fake eyelash glue around the upscale Pier One decor of the RHOBH reunion set? Could it have been fresh air? 😀 Dorit apparently thinks that glue runs in deep veins beneath the earth like oil, and that the reason the EU can't keep it together is because Putin has halted their glue exports. I guess Rinna billed this reunion ep in her own mind The Lisa R Redemption Tour. But it sounded to me as though Andy Cohen was serious irked that her IG had prompted reality tabloid headlines about the show's producers (whom Bravo would prefer to remain invisible puppeteers.) Loved Garcelle's lesson on microagressions. And Crystal's Kyle's putdown. (I think whomever said wayyyy upstream that Crystal won't be back next season may be right: Does Crystal really need RHOBH to sell cocoanut water? I think not. And why on earth would anyone be on this show if they didn't have something to sell?) Also, honestly, Rinna is looking more and more like a space alien these days. And what was up with Erika's hideous breasts and the hideous dress she was wearing to showcase them? I honestly wondered whether she'd run out of breast and decided to stuff the dress with potatoes. All this was enough to keep me mildly entertained. Reunions would be wayyyy more entertaining, though, if Rinna, Erika, and Kyle were stripped, smeared with honey, and staked in the middle of a field swarming with fire ants. Just sayin'!

I'd be tempted to drop any acquaintance who accepted an invitation to become a Ho'wife. I'd have to wonder about their taste level. Crystal's big mistake was semantics. As any therapist will tell you, statements like, That comment made me feel like this are always dubious; the correct phrasing is I felt like this when I heard that comment. No comment, after all, stands up and puts a gun to your head: Feel like this or else. But nobody can argue with how you feel. I thought Garcelle did a great job withering Diana in their conversational exchange. She went as far as she could—without painting a bullseye on herself for Diana's legal snipers to aim at—in implying that she believed (and continues to believe) Diana was 100% behind the Jax harassment. I do hope the Diana illness continues throughout the next filming season. She adds nothing to the mix personality-wise, and the litigation threats are tedious.

Seems to me rather obvious that Bravo is"punishing" Kathy for dragging out her salary negotiations by publicizing diva behavior that previously may not have had camera time. As to the awfulness or non-awfulness of the behavior itself: Yeah, maybe Kathy is prone to lashing out when she's upset. Many people are; among the Ho'wives themselves, certainly, Erika is. Lashing out is unpleasant, infantile behavior, to be sure. The Richards sisters in general—oh, wait! "Richards" was not Kathy's original last name. Whatevs! I can't remember Kathy's original last name—are very infantile in their general reactions. But I don't think it's necessarily an expression of authentic feeling. Rather, it's an expression of intense emotion in a single, encapsulated moment. Was it Dorit who said, Kyle is wayyyyyy more famous than Kathy? Like the Ho'wives carry around instant fame-o-meters or something? Pul-eeeze! I've never booked a room at the Kyle Richards Hotel.

No doubt on the advice of her personal producer: Girlfriend, you need this storyline! (I cannot believe Dorit hasn't seen a hair colorist in like—what? Two months? Those roots!) Without foundation (early shot in the show!), Erika has that freshly plucked chicken look. And why would anyone set fire to a hat? I mean, isn't any association with Kyle distressing enough? I couldn't figure out what was behind Kyle's crying jag except I'm pretty sure it had nothing to do with Dorit or Erika. I think maybe she finally figured out that the bottom is falling out of the LA luxury real estate market. Kyle telling Erika, "I want to talk to you for a minute without anyone else around," is beyond hilarious. Oh, those 15 camera operators, gaffers, grips, sound technicians, and producers? They don't count! I will reiterate that I think Erika is absolutely correct from a legal standpoint in refusing to discuss anything to do with the earrings, the victims, or compassion. It's her body language and her Madonna imitation that's so off-putting. And, of course, we don't know the whole provenance of the Kathy Hilton meltdown cliffhanger. But I thought Rinna was pretty awful about the tequila thing, and you'd think that Kyle would have had Kathy's back on that one, c'mon—they're blood! But Kyle seems to cherish any opportunity to throw either of her sisters to the wolves whenever she gets the opportunity. I guess she didn't get very much attention when she was a kid. Or something.

I agree. From a legal standpoint, she would be sabotaging herself. That doesn't mean that she's not the second-most disgusting person on the planet, of course. (The first-most disgusting person on the planet is Diana.). She didn't have to go off into a wild rant—I ONLY CARE ABOUT MYSELF! She only had to pretend that she'd actually asked her lawyers, Gee, can I sell the earrings and donate the $$$ to the victims? and that they told her, No. That's all she needed to say to her sister House 'hos.

OmyGAWD, Diana's "energy cleaners" in their white janitorial uniforms!!!!!!! 😹 As for the rest of it... so very not entertaining.

I don't think you sound shitty. No honest question is a shitty question. Teeth have replaced accents as a class indicator. There is no way that anyone with bad teeth has any kind of upwards social mobility in contemporary culture. "The homeless" are not a homogenous herd, and while some may be into that milk-the-rubes mentality, others really want a way out—which means a job. Very few employers want to hire workers with visibly bad teeth. That said, "Homeless, Not Toothless" is a horrible name.

It totally was. And Kyle grabbed Sutton's arms. Which is not to say that Kyle isn't a shallow, narcissistic Mean Girl, but I don't think when she placed her hands on Sutton's arms, she was assaulting Sutton. And I don't think Erika is faking chronic inebriation. I think she's mixing Lexapro and alcohol. Totally weird for Sutton to be so obsessed with her place settings and not provide so much as a tarp for that muddy lawn. And Diana should avoid sitting next to Rinna. Rinna makes Diana look like an MMA blowup doll.

This episode was a snooze fest. I wanted the party to be more dynamic for Garcelle's sake because I like Garcelle. But it was dull. My eyes glaze over with boredom whenever the camera focuses on Diana. At least when Erika was the designated villainess, I stayed interested.

I got the distinct impression that Crystal was crying on the beach for the same reason Winston Smith cried when he got out of Room 101 in Nineteen Eight-Four: At a certain point, no matter how brave you're trying to be, your facade breaks down, and you'll agree to anything: Yes, yes, Erika is a wonderful human being! Yes, yes, Rinna has a healthy appetite! And the birds! My God! The birds! The beach bitches broke her spirit. Crystal seems like a perfectly nice person to me. Maybe a bit too easily manipulated but I admired the way she pooh-poohed the glam squads. My guess is that Crystal's producer, desperately flailing because Crystal has no storyline (which may mean the producer's own job is on the line, I dunno), came up with the "Sutton made dark remarks" thang just to make Crystal seem a little bit more narratively interesting. Since Crystal doesn't actually believe that Sutton made "dark" remarks, the whole thing came off as evasive and confusing. Know what I like about Sutton? She owns her awkwardness! She never tries to be cool. She's always authentic. So's Garcelle for that matter—without the awkwardness. Psst—producers! You can arrange for Eurotrash Diana to be run over by a truck any time. I don't like her.