NoirDetective

I enjoy how they all have this constant refrain of "millions of people would love to be on The Challenge! It's such an honor!" I can practically hear a producer screaming that as contestants are shooed back into the 1/8 of a third world McMansion with no working toilets in which they actually get to step foot for 5 weeks. Have these losers checked the ratings? Millions of people don't even watch this show, and the Tony/Nany futureless types who do and think this is a great path are few and sad, I'd estimate. I actually don't understand why anyone would apply to be on RW nowadays when there are higher profile shows in which you can actually win real money, but that's me. Mark looked like a suitcase that's been left in the elements for three weeks. Moisturize, people!

Um, you answered your own answer question in the question there: white trash. Which doesn't exactly take the racial high road. From my memory, Eric had single-handedly put that team in last in every challenge. Combining that with his semi-death in the Gauntlet final, support is not something I'd be falling over myself to dole out to him in this setting.

Being upside down in a water tank when you can let go of a rope and exit the tank at any time is not the same as being waterboarded. Eric couldn't do it (with Camila, one of the smallest girls) because he's an out of shape tub and that's all there was to it. Robb, Dustin and JD all did it with no problem, with larger partners. Not sure I get the implication. Despite the "shock" they sell in the talking heads after, obviously they all know who's going in before TJ staggers thru the door. They live in 3 rooms of a mansion. How could they not?

General replies to the thread: - I have never heard anyone white or black use "ratchet" to describe a non-black person. Ratchet to me implies a black woman with no class and a cheap greasy weave. So, Simone. - I really can't fault Reilly for being over Jessica and her endless sob stories. If there was an opportunity for them to fail in this thing, she scant missed an opportunity to seize it, and I see way more strikes against her than him. "I'm a woman. I am emotional as fuck!" "I am currently in a terrible relationship." "Tony is just so alive!" (The same nonsense said she about Dustin.) I mean, we've all known a chick like this, right? She creates her own mess and then expects others to validate how tough her life is. How about she stand on her own two fucking feet? How's that for being a woman? If her success is determinate on how well a man encourages her, then she has already failed. She's super annoying and performed poorly. Her drama cycle will spin no matter what Reilly did, and since he has no use for her outside of the competition I don't see why he would bother to play her game. Adios, Jess. Good luck with slathering on your mask of make-up for the trip home. And to those offended by his weight comment, save for muscular Sarah/Jenna, Jessica probably is the heaviest, no? Certainly she's bigger than Amanda, which is all that really mattered. - This is from Simone's Twitter: "I'm totally okay with playing the race card when necessary." So I guess she's also totally okay with being pulled over by a cop whenever she's driving something nicer than a Pinto, or people dismissing her (hypothetical) accomplishments as the fruits of affirmative action. 'Necessary' is subjective like that, you see. Simone: "I'm very opinionated..." Ignorant and loud and braindead is not an opinion, trash bag. What a shock she didn't find love on AYTO (does anybody ever? I've never seen). She has the education of a spare tire. Speaking of subjective, someone above claimed Simone is pretty. I mean, beauty is in the eye of the beholder...but you may want to have an optometrist check your prescription at your earliest convenience. In the eye of this beholder she should be kept in a glass cage for schoolchildren to gasp at as they pass. - Calling Ashley a slut when Simone would be doing the same thing except nobody wants her. I'd rather be a slut my whole life than Simone for one day, but to each his own. Simone got rejected, then pulled the childish "I never wanted that anyway!" bullshit. Perhaps Simone should evaluate why no one wants her rather than hating on those who are coveted. - Tom and Dimone are never going to win a challenge just like they never have won a challenge so that "we won't send each other in" was a one-way street. And how many times have we seen others try to carry a dud team to the finals? Cory/Ashley would always be sent in over Dimone, so I'm not sure Cory should be hanging out strategy lessons to Ashley and not just limping around with his torn ACL, since that encouraged others to carry him and Pizzaface to the end last time. If she had to threaten his dumb ass to make the right move, kudos. - Ashley isn't any great shakes, and her face appears to exist outside of time to me, but didn't she use a better metric than Jamie did in this yardsticking this relationship? He said he was drawn to her after seeing her in a bikini, the implication being that if she wasn't hot the rest would mean nothing. Ashley looked past that and said she didn't think Jamie was hot and gave him a shot because he was a nice person, and now she's a bitch? She probably could have not said his body was disgusting, but don't girls always exchange notes like this? Just not with a camera in a high corner? - Finally, I wonder if these AYTO disasters are being picked specifically to make viewers see them as the villains and not Bananas, to whom the show hasn't given much focus to yet this time. Finally, finally: Paula has a baby!?! You mean a baby that she put up for adoption, right? RIGHT?????? God I hope right.

Bananas (sans any and all awareness): "It's like a bad episode of Jerry Springer!" Or like a normal episode of this show, you waste of a human life! Simone is straight trash. They really need to overhaul this disaster. I'm an old so my opinion doesn't matter anymore, but I honestly don't see how anyone can get enjoyment from this thing. I can't fault Brandon for quitting this mess. I liked Sarah better when she was sobbing like she lost her legs in a war after Trishelle ditched her. This poorly acted forgiveness arc makes me want nothing but unhappiness for her. Her big betrayal wasn't voting Bananas in, it's happening right now, this season, as she proves she never got off his stick after telling all she retired. Whst elementary art teacher job lets her film this (in November, I believe)? These people aren't people but walking Instagrams, and Instagrams are mostly lies. And if they lie to get to here, which is nowhere...ay yi yi.

It must "women are stupid, pathetic hosebeasts month!" at the $hill show! Aka sweeps, because nobody likes to watch his show and feel better about their own sad existences than housebound housewives, I guess. He started by saying its normal and people meet in today's society on Tinder, then trashed it like its full of garbage like his two guests (maybe it is all that -- too old here -- but then don't say it like its Match.com or a personals ad). I find it hard to believe Tinder is rife with protectionless singles other than these lowlifes getting pregnant left right and sideways, but maybe I'm wrong. I really can't imagine anyone honestly saying they could potentially spend their life with someone after said someone lied about having an abortion, but clearly this guy isn't much for thinking. It really took a pin to her, "He lied and cheated on me," balloon of whines. What reward did she expect from that? She's lucky he didn't knock her ass out with a sledgehammer. I think the mom said the other sister worked full time and her income was needed to support Tinder spawns 1 and 2, but clearly the mother is an issue there. Both those daughters appeared to have no self-worth/esteem, and the mother had to stop herself from coming off "uppity" when saying say didn't want her grandkids living in the guy's black neighborhood. There are no heroes here. Just the bottom rung of society and two unwanted kids who will ascend to take their own place on that rung someday. And what help did Phil give? 8 weeks of Dr. On Demand ain't gonna get that hoe employed or make him not want to bang every chick without two kids he passes. Adoption wasn't considered? For a server with no home who got knocked up on Tinder? The great decisions just keep on.

Yeah, I can't fault Ashley for that poorly deigned challenge. Aside from the dangers of smashing into one of weight barrels in the water/being crushed by your falling partner, she basically used her armpit to zip line down a rope, so I'm sure she was cut to shit. I like Ashley insofar as her non talking heads seem to be real/not overly focused on the cameras compared to the others. I liked her telling Amanda that she could make friends, and also taking her that garbage walking horse weave of fat Simone to task for talking shit about her. Simone: "What does it matter if someone says it to your face or behind your back?" Uh...what? I guess unless you're willing to respond to Simone with an ebonics-laden, camera-ready screaming match to "Don't lie on me" with her torn butthole, she just doesn't have the time for you. Hate.

If anyone really can't wait or doesn't want to search for it, the replacements are...

The next Challenge should obviously be Are You the One against Real World. Not because I want it to be that or think this show should continue, but because maybe that will shut up the cast bitching. Remember when people had HIV and were concerned about others drinking too much on RW? Now we have Tony, a father, talking about the trials of paying his own bar tab. And without Road Rules to feed new people, I'm fine with this trash (minus pathetically desperate Simone) rather than more Nicoles. Sad we won't be getting any new gays, but with a list that includes Frank, maybe it's good for gays to be annexed from this mess. Also, Amanda is crazy, but I kind of love her giving it to these skanks.

You're totally right, Madding crowd, this woman shouldn't be allowed access to a goldfish, and Dr. Phil doesn't do jack shit but push that fucking Dr. On Demand. I hope the show resource guy has a good lawyer's number.

Sandra is whirlwind of crazy, stupid and totally unwanted all wrapped into one fat, gross package, though I do find it hard to believe she was once a normal person at all, which makes me question the husband's mental stability once upon a time. But there's no doubt who the psycho is now. Again, I'm left wondering what type of job/existence someone this jacked up can hold together, and if there is any "functioning" version of this person that's worth redeeming in the first place. She is actively fucking up her kids and her ex. I think this white-glove, let's reason with the nutcase approach is not the way to go. Part of me thinks a shallow grave in a riverbed and a dumb story about her running off to another planet to live with aliens is the best case scenario for those kids, but I'll settle for a straitjacket and iron bars. I know she's sick, but I still hate her.

I didn't get a slut-shaming vibe from this episode, though I don't think theres anything out of turn in telling a single mother not to bring every lowlife from Tinder to Sunday dinner to meet her brats. There's no such thing as casually dating a single mother. But she should be shamed. Moving in a child molester, having a kid with him, failing to read his court documents...all that has nothing to do with her being a slut, but rather a discarded woman with very little self-worth blinding herself to danger in order to keep a warm body that expresses some interest in her. Mother-shaming, perhaps.

God, another real prize of a woman on today's show, the stupid bitch who moved a child molester in with her and her two kids after knowing him for two weeks. She disgusted me instantly, as this exact setup resulted in a child's murder in my home state (Google Sarah Foxwell). She should have her kids taken away if she's choosing a pedophile/slampiece over her (undoubtedly horribly damaged) kids. I wish they would start putting Twitter handles up for these dopes so we could trash them directly right good. Maybe that would dissuade some of the garbage willing to put their baggage in the street for a free trip to LA from crawling out of the woodwork.

Kyle undoubtedly sucked, but Jordan was such a pathetic loser! Most of her stuff seemed rehearsed to me, and even then she was super annoying. I can't imagine dealing with her when she's boozy. She definitely had that bloated drunk look, and it may not be PC, but if she gained a bunch of weight she's now selling a different package than she originally advertised, and you takes your chances playinh that game. But these two are only together because they both have such severe deficiencies they know they can only maintain a relationship with a similar such wreck.

Wow, Ashley is truly a worthless sack of shit. What kind of job could this psycho bitch possibly hold? Is there a reason we shouldn't just put a bullet in her head and roll her into the river and move on? Is there any type of "help" that could change her into something resembling a person? Scary. She reminds of that brain damaged catfish bimbo from a week or so ago. There's no redeeming a certain type of stupid, soulless person, only eliminating them completely your existence. Although, I too wondered why the parents continued to post 4 years worth of pictures if they're so worried. Nobody cares about your headbands, dear! Also, Adaya and Kamberlin? Those are names only a single mother could choose. I bet Ashley has a dream wedding book with pictures of her and Channing Tatum in her closet. Pathetic and insane.

Ugh, I am totally at the point of hate-watching this now. Nearly all of the vets are very obviously and poorly playing "their role" to the camera. If any of them are hoping to get into acting, they need to get another plan. How many seasons of this shit do you have to do before you stop saying "I'm so scared to be on this contraption they have us on every season!" Brandon's slut comment was putting a blunt point on a fine pencil, but...I guess it falls into the category of things that are true but shouldn't be said? And unless his gf outside the show hooks on a street corner, she probably is better than these chicks. How sad that having an undergraduate degree is powerful enough ammo with which to attack these people. What was with the staggered entry to the house? We already know Johnny sucks production's dick, we don't need to see him examining the five open rooms of a mansion that the cast gets to transform into a shithole right quick. But this season especially, I'm not sure any team would send Johnny in with this setup. His normal enemies (Wes, Dario) are tethered to his harem of hoes. And there's something persistently weird about Johnny's tendency season after season to assault people's assholes being presented as comedy gold by this show. That thing with the Icy-Hot (free advice; stop taking steroids, Leroy!) would cause me to give the offender the side eye every time I saw him.

Wow. Just...wow. My definition of mellow doesn't involve "filling the whole street with uppercut" and looking like he was going to chomp through the steering wheel over nothing last week. Who the fuck is he to dictate how everything is going to work? Worry about your own kids. It's the classic abuser pattern of control/isolate to compensate for his (justified) insecurity. If Jenelle tried the same shit with his ex there is no way that would fly. He seems like a convict to me in his demeanor and thinking, even if he isn't one technically. Yet. And of course Jenelle sees all these mile high red flags as signs that he's her white knight, and is such a great dad. Jenelle is more classless than anybody I've had in my life, so I don't know if she'll ever have a "come to reality" moment or will go to her grave blaming everyone else for failing her at every turn. Her kids, current and a-coming, are totally and completely fucked.

I also raised an eye to the teen girl sent to a wilderness camp after being dragged from her house by professionally trained child snatchers in the night. She didn't seem that out of control to me--she was at least with it enough to suspect she wouldn't be coming back--and she had already been to one of those things and the parents admitted it made her worse! Seemed like she was just biding her time to get away from the parents. Why doesn't $hill ever send the parents to forage for berries so they can be fixed? I would be pissed at them for a long time after that, with decent reason. And he really gives the parent no option to make an actual choice. "This living in dirt experience with some questionable types who choose to spend their Iives with troubled teens in the woods will save you. Will you get this help, or are to okay with your child dying and being an awful parent? Your choice..."

I loved Jill getting offended that someone took something...from a child!...when she went to the People's Choice Awards--a shitty event for which anyone can buy tickets to attend--instead of Brynn just a week or two ago. All the hair dye, slatherings of make-up, and indignant tantrums won't get Kendall to the middle, honey. Not to be an ass, but it's totally a women thing that they can't readily just admit they're all I'm competition and have to do this "I'm so happy for you!" thing. Kendall seems really stupid to me. Her relentlessly blank face implies that they should get this girl (all these girls!) back into school. I hate Jojo and Jess. Jojo can't dance and her personality makes me gag. YMMV. Oh, Melissa. We know what you want. We have since the first minute you appeared on camera years ago. Then, and now, we want nothing to do with you. Now that Maddie is of an age to develop her own wants, while simultaneously being pushed to being a job-seeking meal ticket so mom can view herself as more than a shell of a person, makes me suspect this will come to a bad end. Holly and Jill need to pack it up and head home. It's only gonna get worse before it gets better.

Well, Robert cracked like an egg. They probably ply him with commissary so they don't find him with that Joker smile swinging from a drainpipe at cell check. I also suspect Yaz isn't doing much/having that extreme a reaction for the cameras, leading to her constant refrain of Stories 'bout Pa. How Bully Boy has reached that age not realizing nobody respects a doormat, I'm not sure. I think Zac will be fine after this. This isn't exactly some huge cartel he's infiltrating. But what types of shenanigans will he discover that having cameras in all the bunks can't? Also, do they have yard time or a book cart that pushes through? Shit, I'd do the drugs too if they were available. I don't think the Sheriff has any actual plan for this "program" beyond making a TV program. Isn't this the same place/crew that did the guard version of this last season? Maybe they get a kickback so they can improve conditions. I agree that the bathroom situation seems like something a "Big Brother" show would do to incite conflict/power trips. Tami is such a mess. I think it throws up the suspicions of the others that she's trying to run this place when she's supposedly a first timer. I did a couple nights in NYC central booking in my unmedicated youth and most people were more on the Barbra spectrum, even those in the revolving door who knew the drill front and back. It would've been strange if someone was like, "I'm running this!" to forty guys. I think she might be as nutty as Robert.

Robert is crazy. I think even if he had been actually arrested he'd be doing things to pester the others and getting his story wrong with embellishments and stupid lies. The guard working with the show is clearly bewildered by him. Zac would've made an excellent undercover DEA agent...save for appearing on a nationally broadcast television show. Maybe he can break down doors. Tami is very domineering. She seems like the (stereo?)typical cop archetype of a mid-level intelligence viewing herself as the arbiter of goodness in these worthless scums' lives. That "give respect, get respect" mantra is code for do it my way or there will be problems. Until Yaz mentioned the issue, I hadn't noticed that we never see Tami with black women in the pod. I don't like Tami. Yaz seems cool.

I think Maddie has learned to keep herself the star, with that choice of moving ventriloquist doll Kendall and future trailer park belle Jojo. I can't believe that group routine won. These competitions are always suspect to me. Jill is a mess. Time to medicate.

I don't know. Lizzie Borden has always been fairly in the culture, especially since the Christina Ricci version that aired on the same network during the same year as this show. These girls didn't see the relentless commercials while watching/tweeting their own show? Please. Maybe one of the Dunce Moms could've looked up what a cult is on Gianna's phone, since they are all apparently morons. Holly was an educator?! Oh boy. I love how Jill thought it was cute they were all playing Hollywood starlets (Lizzie Borden?), then someone chuckled they all came to bad ends. Just like all of your kids! Clueless. Kendall is just not that talented and that's all there is to it. Her mask-like face while she dances is off-putting. I wish Maddie well, but I have doubts about her non-dance talents and the management team of Melissa and Abby. Jessalyn I find the most ugly and desperate of all the moms. Jojo can go-go far into the distance. Notice how we never hear them bitching they don't get solos, because they are always disasterous. Why do these women think Ashlee is desperate to fit in with them? It would great for them not to be catty bitches while waiting for a class to happen, but with friends like those and Brynn doing fine without her befriending the shrews, not sure what the incentive is. I mean, for them it's obviously "Everyone wants to be a Dunce Mom!" I actually would like Abby to get shipped away, yet the show continue as these girls try to make it. That could be a good train wreck. Acting moms?

Well, here in America we do have a game called "Gay or European?" so... But Mitch's meltdown to production after was exactly what I would expect a closet case to do. In my (West Hollywood, ahem) experience, a lot of "metro" guys with gfs play around with guys on the side or have in the past. Just my read.

What was this full time job Maci kept throwing into her schedule that made the Tshirts so overwhelming? Filming Teen Mom, in her house?! Is she for real? Between that and ordering shelves online, where does she find the time? Crazy. Just crazy. I kind of like that Taylor shows a bare minimum of interest in anything having to do with her, though. It will be great for her to look back on later and see how stupid she was. I don't like Gary all the time, but Amber is clearly the worst of the evils there. Kristina is such a pathetic doormat, it makes me sad. Farrah's life of prostituion bores me. I hope she truly enjoys the drama, because she's in for a lifetime with it with that gremlin. If Farrah wants such an expensive ring, why does she not demand that same standard for the man in her life? Not that that relationship is real, of course. Tyler and Cait and everyone around them are so full of excuses as to why they suck, but they're aware of their suckitude and that they will likely suck again, so aren't they good people? Butch doesn't give a shit about an infants birthday party. The two of them seem to have no interest in it other than its something to whine about to distract from their sleeping and faux-introspection with a too enabling mother. Ugh. I really do hate Tyler the most. That champagne lunch was so hollow I think I heard the wind whistling.