Line Items: West Wing Quotes

[eyebleach]

Celestial Navigation has some of my favorite quotes!

[Guest]

Celestial Navigation has some of my favorite quotes!

I practically could have just linked the transcript! :)

[SingleMaltBlonde]

Listen, when you get home tonight you're going to be confronted by the instinct to drink alone. Trust that instinct. Manage the pain. Don't try to be a hero.

 

Toby

[Melancholy]

Ah, Celestial Navigation!

 

LEO: I thought he's on vacation in Nova Scotia. 

SAM: He is.

LEO: What, they called him in Nova Scotia?

SAM: Yeah.

LEO: How the hell did they find him in Nova Scotia?

JOSH: They have telephones in Nova Scotia, Leo. It's not Amish country. <snort laughter at his own joke>

LEO: [glares at Josh] I really think of all the people in this building, Josh, you want to be the last person to speak right now.

 

-----

 

BARTLET: We will have the first of what I think will a series of discussions about professionalism another time, Toby. Where is Mendoza?

SAM: He's on his way, sir.

BARTLET: Right now?

SAM: Yes, but he won't be here until the day after tomorrow.

BARTLET: Day after tomorrow?

SAM: Yes sir.

BARTLET: Is he coming in from Neptune?

SAM: He's vacationing with his wife and son, and they'd prefer to take a leisurely drive through eastern Canada and New England while stopping for some antique shopping in Connecticut. I imagine he'll take the Trans-Canada Highway, the 95...

 

Of course, this is underlies by the irony that Sam is just an oversharey expert on directions but couldn't navigate his way to the police station. LOL, I can just imagine what his dental hygiene is really like! ;-) 

Edited December 29, 2015 by Melancholy

[jaytee1812]

I may have this wrong but it's something like this:

Toby: as much as we would love it to continue watch you beat the crap out of Josh, there's something else...

The President: oh god, what did Mendoza do now.

[SingleMaltBlonde]

<imagine shaking fist> thanks to all of you....I just watched Celestial Navigation....I love Edward James Almos.

[Guest]

Danny "I'd get in trouble with the First Lady."

Jed "we had jackets made!"

[Guest]

"Once again you display an immaturity about vegetables that I think is not at all presidential."

[Guest]

Leo: I hung in there as long as I could, but you long since passed the point when I stopped caring. If you're curious it was right around raisin muffin.

[Guest]

Toby: Since when are you an expert on language?

C.J.: In polling models?

Toby: Okay.

C.J.: 1993. Since when are you an uptight pain in the ass?

Toby: Since long before that.

[Guest]

"It's Nice when we can do something for prostitutes every once in awhile, isn't it?"

Jed: Toby, are you in here sticking up for Sam?

Toby: I know it's strange, sir. But I'm feeling a... a certain... big brotherly connection right now. You know, obviously, I'd like that feeling to go away as soon as possible.

"I never voted for you."

"Well thanks for trying, but here I am anyway."

[Guest]

Leo "what are you doing?"

Josh "It looked like you wanted to hug me."

Leo "oh man, did you read that wrong."

[Guest]

"No, it wouldn't, because this is an area of federal law where you'd want as much ambiguity as possible."

[Guest]

Jed "Why are you doing this? You're a player. You're bigger in the party than I am. Hoynes would make you national chairman. Leo, tell me this isn't one of the twelve steps."

Leo "That's what it is. Right after admitting that we're powerless over alcohol and that a higher power can restore us to sanity. That's where you come in."

[Guest]

Leo " We've got separation of powers, checks and balances, and Margaret, vetoing things and sending them back to the hill."

[Kohola3]

Margaret: Can - can I just say something, you know, for the future?
Leo McGarry: Yeah.
Margaret: *I* can sign the President's name. I have his signature down pretty good.
Leo McGarry: You can sign the President's name?
Margaret: Yeah.
Leo McGarry: On a document removing him from power and handing it to someone else?
Margaret: Yeah. Or, do you think the White House Counsel would say that was a bad idea?
Leo McGarry: I think the White House Counsel would say that's a coup d'etat.
Margaret: I'd probably end up doing some time for that.
 

I love Margaret....

[CJRocks]

That was one of the best things about The West Wing. Characters like Margaret had such great dialogue and such great ability to leave a lasting impression. I don't think we've seen anything nearly that smart on TV since.

 

So many of my favorite scenes have already been quoted, but I always love to go to the Ainsley well for great quotes. From pointing out that Kirkwood is in California and not Oregon, while kicking Sam's butt on national TV, to her speech in Leo's office (Why are you standing up? Because that is the way one makes an argument in a civilized world! Well, you go girl), to dancing to Blame It On the Bossa Nova, Ainsley's appearance all but guaranteed a memorable scene.

[Guest]

Again, this is another one that might not translate as well in print. But it cracked me up.

Charlie: Zoey and I are going out. I'll be on my pager.

Leo: You're going out?

Charlie: Yeah.

Leo: Charlie, you're taking extra protection, right?

Charlie: Hey, Leo, I...

Leo: Secret Service protection, Charlie, but thanks for loading me up with that image.

Charlie : Yeah, we'll have extra protection.

Charlie's uncomfortable look of surprise and Leo's look of disgust really sold it.

[Guest]

Ainsley: The bill contained plenty of money for textbooks, Mark, and anyone who says otherwise is flat-out lying. And we should tell the truth about this. Textbooks are important, if for no other reason than they'd accurately place the town of Kirkwood in California and not Oregon.

Toby: Ginger, get the popcorn!

[ProudMary]

Again, this is another one that might not translate as well in print. But it cracked me up.

Charlie: Zoey and I are going out. I'll be on my pager.

Leo: You're going out?

Charlie: Yeah.

Leo: Charlie, you're taking extra protection, right?

Charlie: Hey, Leo, I...

Leo: Secret Service protection, Charlie, but thanks for loading me up with that image.

Charlie : Yeah, we'll have extra protection.

Charlie's uncomfortable look of surprise and Leo's look of disgust really sold it.

I'm so glad you quoted this one!  I wanted to list this the other day but I couldn't find the exact dialogue.  Leo's delivery on "thanks for loading me up with that image" is so funny to me.

Ainsley: The bill contained plenty of money for textbooks, Mark, and anyone who says otherwise is flat-out lying. And we should tell the truth about this. Textbooks are important, if for no other reason than they'd accurately place the town of Kirkwood in California and not Oregon.

Toby: Ginger, get the popcorn!

Preceded by Josh saying, "Toby, Sam's getting his ass kicked by a girl!"  (I think it was the first TWW quote I posted way back, pages ago, in this thread.)  Definitely one of my favorites.

[Guest]

About Ainsley:

Jed: We should hire her.

Leo: That'd be funny.

Jed: No, I mean it.

Leo: Mean what?

Jed: We should hire her.

Leo: Well, you mean as a joke on Sam?

Leo: Charlie just made a joke to you in the Oval Office. That's how bad of an idea this is.

Jed: 100 million Republicans? We might hire as many as two of them.

[Guest]

Leo: Well you go girl.

[Melancholy]

In This White House rocks

 

LEO: And you're certain of her sense of civic duty?

BARTLET: I can sense civic duty a mile away.

 

BARTLET: It was called dwarf wheat, which produces heavy yields without its stalk falling over from the weight of the rain.

LEO: Was it a hybrid?

BARTLET: What am I, Farmer Bob? It was wheat, and there was more than there used to be.

 

HARRIET: You need an agent, Ainsley, you're gonna be a star.

AINSLEY: Used to be, you had to sing and dance.

 

And the entire Leo/Ainsley scenes. I can't pick an exchange. But I'll just post:

 

AINSLEY: Yes, sir. I've been thinking about that ever since your office called me on Tuesday, and I have something to say on my own behalf, if you'll permit me a moment to say it, and I understand if you won't, but I would really appreciate it if you did.

LEO: I... didn't really follow that, but whatever.

AINSLEY: I think that it is wrong for a man in your position to summon someone to the White House to reprimand them for voicing opposition. I think that that is wrong, and it is inappropriate. It's inappropriate, and I'll tell you what else.

LEO: [nodding slightly] It's wrong?

AINSLEY: Yes.

LEO: That's fine, except you weren't summoned here to be reprimanded.

AINSLEY: Well, then, if you'll permit me, why was I summoned?

LEO: You have an interesting conversational style, do you know that?

 

ETA: oooh, one more!

 

AINSLEY: I'm asking because I do not think that it is fair that I be expected to play the role of the mouse to the White House's cat in the game of, well, you know the game.

LEO: Cat and mouse?

Edited January 4, 2016 by Melancholy

[AriAu]

Bad first day back after break and lots of people did not do what they were supposed to so of course I was caught muttering...

"I will kill people today...I will kill them with this cricket bat and then I will kill them again with my hands".

Yes, I left out the part about the bat being given to him by Queen Elizabeth of Windsor and I did leave out Leo's name but I do always enjoy quoting Lionel Tribbey when I am pissed.

And, no, I did not need to tell anyone to stop speaking in iambic pentameter

[St. Claire]

LEO: You have an interesting conversational style, do you know that?

 

In his defense, she did have some peculiar syntax. I believe that Lionel Tribbey accused her of speaking in iambic pentameter.

[Guest]

LEO: You have an interesting conversational style, do you know that?

 

In his defense, she did have some peculiar syntax. I believe that Lionel Tribbey accused her of speaking in iambic pentameter.

Ainsley: Mr. Tribbey? I'd like to do well on this, my first assignment. Any advice you could give me that might point me the way of success would be, by me, appreciated.

Lionel: Well, not speaking in iambic pentameter might be a step in the right direction.

[betsyboo]

Sam: "Do we have some sort of condensed... Reader's Digest index... of, well... all human knowledge?"
Ginger: "We usually just use Margaret."

[Guest]

"Charlie, get me an asprin or a weapon that can be used to kill people!"

[PeterPirate]

There's this repartee from The Midterms: 

 

DONNA - I'm perfectly serious, Toby. He's recovering from an attempted murder. He's supposed to be resting and I don't want people going over there getting him fuhtushed.

TOBY - Fartoost. Don't bring the Yiddish unless you know what you're doing.

 

Which I mention because I recently had dinner at a friend's house where I spilled some lentil soup. I referred to myself as a schlemiel and said I was "bringing the yiddish".  

[Melancholy]

Aw, The Lame Duck Congress is underrated.

 

LEO: So, new rules. You need an answer from the President, you need to brief him on something, you want him to weigh in; I want to see a summary on my desk. Absolutely no longer than two pages. And I want my initials on it before you go into the Oval Office.

SAM: Leo.

JOSH: A two page summary's gonna kind of cramp our style.

LEO: Your style could use a little cramping. Are we understood?

 

SAM: That must have rolled them in the aisles back in Georgia.

AINSLEY: I'm from North Carolina.

SAM: Wherever it was you studied baton twirling.

AINSLEY: That'll be Harvard Law School.

 

JOSH: He's sitting in the car with a woman who I imagine is either a security attache or a hooker.

SAM: Please, tell me it's not...

JOSH: [quickly] It's no one you know, Sam.

[Guest]

Aw, The Lame Duck Congress is underrated.

 

How can this be? As I was watching it last night, I was thinking "Wow. This is one of the funniest episodes that I remember."  I laughed throughout most of it.

[Melancholy]

How can this be? As I was watching it last night, I was thinking "Wow. This is one of the funniest episodes that I remember."  I laughed throughout most of it.

 

I just never see The Lame Duck Congress make any Best Episodes lists or any scenes from it make Favorite Scenes lists. I think Season 2 is so much the best season that fine eps like The Lame Duck Congress become underrated because it's just quietly poignant and hilarious without fireworks. 

[Guest]

I wasn't meaning to argue with you. I just meant that I don't see how people can undervalue such a great episode!  But I think it's surrounded by great episodes, so it happens. :)

[Melancholy]

I didn't think you were trying to argue with me. :-) Maybe we need an Unpopular Opinion thread- I love those threads on the other shows that I follow. I think S2 is near perfect- I like or love all of the eps. However, I regard say, The Lame Duck Congress as underrated and Somebody's Going Emergency, Somebody's Going to Jail as good but overrated. 

[AriAu]

Need a little help here-did any character in TWW say "I have seen enough to know that I have seen enough"?

I know Dana said it on Sports Night, but I'm having a senior moment and can't recall which character (if any) said it on The West Wing-it is classic Sorkin so it must have been used, but it is possible that I am just confusing it.

[Kohola3]

Well, I can pretty much quote the first 5 seasons and I am reasonably sure that was not part of any dialog.  Can't speak to 6 and 7 though.

[BizBuzz]

Need a little help here-did any character in TWW say "I have seen enough to know that I have seen enough"?

I know Dana said it on Sports Night, but I'm having a senior moment and can't recall which character (if any) said it on The West Wing-it is classic Sorkin so it must have been used, but it is possible that I am just confusing it.

 

I don't remember it ever being on TWW ... but yeah, it was Sports Night, and the best ever thing happened right after Dana said it ...

[Guest]

Josh: "we've been working hard and we'd prefer to watch football rather than listen to a history of the yam in Latin."

It's funny to me because I can really picture Jeddoinating the Thanksgiving dinner speechifying about the history of the yam. :)

[BizBuzz]

Jeddoinating ... HAHAHAHAHA

[Guest]

C.J.: The President has asked Josh Lyman and Sam Seaborn to run these meetings, so it's entirely possible that by week's end we will have alienated Christians, China and our own government.

Previous post- That was supposed to be "Jed dominating" but I kinda like it the way it is so I'm leaving it!

[Guest]

Josh: That's not a theory of physics pretty much disproved by Wiley Coyote?

[Diane]

C.J.: No cameras.

Toby: You negotiated that?

C.J.: Yes.

Toby: They agreed to it?

C.J.: You want to make out with me right now, don't you?

Toby: Well, when don't I

[Kohola3]

C.J.: They sent me two turkeys. The more photo-friendly of the two gets a Presidential pardon and a full life at a children's zoo. The runner-up gets eaten.
Bartlet: If the Oscars were like that, I'd watch.

 

I totally agree...

[Guest]

Jed: They won't let me smoke inside, but you can pee in Leo's closet.

[Guest]

Mrs. L: "Charlie, please don't say erotic in the Oval Office."

I love her standards!

[Melancholy]

I think my favorite line from Ellie is Charlie's succinct explanation of what Jed likes about Dial M for Murder.

 

MRS. LANDINGHAM: "Dial M."

CHARLIE: Yeah.

MRS. LANDINGHAM: A fine film.

CHARLIE: I know it well.

MRS. LANDINGHAM: Ray Milland, Grace Kelly, Robert Cummings...

CHARLIE: He likes the part where the guy looks for the key.

 

LOL at how Jed Bartlet that is. Also, Jed? I feel you about the movie. Quietly kick-ass deductive solution which was oddly adorable to catch a homicidal husband. 

Edited January 19, 2016 by Melancholy

[MaryHedwig]

Life on Mars.

 

Josh is talking to Joe Quincy (Matthew Perry) about his PTSD reaction to Christmas Carols.

 

Joe: Josh, people who don't know you think you making that up and people who know you don't care.

 

That line, quoted from memory, has stopped me countless times from telling stories that some will not believe and others will care less about.

Edited January 21, 2016 by MaryHedwig

[SingleMaltBlonde]

Life on Mars.

 

Josh is talking to Joe Quincy (Matthew Broderick) about his PTSD reaction to Christmas Carols.

 

Joe: Josh, people who don't know you think you making that up and people who know you don't care.

 

That line, quoted from memory, has stopped me countless times from telling stories that some will not believe and others will care less about.

 

I always thought this line was a dick move (I applaud your personal use of it to encourage restraint).

[MaryHedwig]

Joe: Josh, people who don't know you think you making that up and people who know you don't care.

I always thought this line was a dick move (I applaud your personal use of it to encourage restraint).

Good point. It was a dick move. I remember thinking when he said it, "We're not watching Chandler anymore, are we?" In my real life, I am always so concerned that I am boring people with my observations and reminiscences that I took his statement to be the harsh truth that a stranger will tell you and not a friend.

 

The line does set up nicely for the day Joe's going to have. Force the vice-president to resign on your first day of work- now that's a dick move; however, I think we are to believe that Joe's motives were pure and he took no pleasure in being the catalyst for another man's demise.

Edited January 21, 2016 by MaryHedwig

[eyebleach]

I never thought Joe Quincy took pleasure in Hoynes' resignation.  He may have been a Republican but he very clearly respected the White House and what it stood for.  He could have made double the money vs. the Counsel's office but he wanted to serve.  I always wished he had been around more.