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Season One Talk: Come Enjoy Half a BBQ Cow!


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Barbie being in handcuffs for absolutely no reason since any reasonable human being would have taken them off downstairs

 

Oh, I'm sure there are plenty of people who watch this show that enjoy seeing Mike Vogel in handcuffs.  Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to be in my room for a little bit.

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Okey-dokey! Back to it, God, it's been a hellish week at work, but I finally have some free time to chip away at this beast! I will finish this season if it's the last thing I do. Well, that and watch The Fall. Oh, and The Following. Oh, and Sleepy Hollow and Sons of Anarchy and O MY LORD I WATCH TOO MUCH TV.

 

Okay, we left off with Angie giving yet another character a skull fracture, right? Yep. So, let's watch this show devolve into making ever less sense in ever infuriating ways together! Hold my hand!

 

So Julia lurches forward and checks knocked out Phil (If this Dome ever lifts I have some money to invest in the world class head trauma neuropathic center that should open up here in its wake) and says "no handcuff keys." Oh, okay, so I guess I gotta let the show off the hook for that one. Sorry, show. I just...I get testy, you know? I just got back from seeing A Walk Among The Tombstones and...let's just say Liam Neeson in pissed off mode isn't the best thing to be  channeling whilst recapping. Anyway, Barbie says forget the keys for now, let's go! But hey, Julia has found Barbie's dropped dog tags. He says to hang on to them for him and the next line is drowned out by the Significant! Music! Swell! But it pulls back in time for Jules and Ang to hear Joe's peepy little voice over the police band, calling Angie's name. 

 

"Angie, Angie McCallister!" says Joe, "If you can hear me we're on the move, with the Mini-Dome." Um, okay, that's not the subtlest code talk I've ever heard. "Remember where we went to hide when you broke mom's old mirror?" he continues. Ah-HAH! Seven years bad luck! Man, most people would just take getting in a car crash or something and call it good, but no, Angie had to summon an otherworldly Dome. Good going, Angie. Maybe you want to find some ladders to walk under while knocking over all the salt shakers at the diner for an encore? "Meet us there," Joe concludes. Well, okay, it's no "The sparrow is wearing red in the sunlight" but it got the job done.

 

Linda and Jim, listening in, look at each other all "any ideas?" "No, you?"  Where could two young people go to meet secretly in a Dome enclosed space? We'll find out after the break! Hint: It's super cheap to re-use sets!

 

ANNNND WE ARE BACK at Shut Down Fight Club! (R.I.P., Maxine Seagrave. You magnificent bastard.) All the lights are still working and the tables are stacked neatly. Max's erstwhile indentured servant army really took pride in their work. Luckily no homeless/desperate/murderous types have elected to hang out for an afterparty. I guess the shootings were a buzzkill. Not enough drama. 

 

"This is never gonna work," grumps Junior and hey, buddy, if you have any better ideas that don't involve sobbing to the Dome about your daddy speak up now. Joe says don't worry, Angie would never forget the time they hid here in the cement factory, not realizing he included the stage directions in his line. And sure enough, in runs Angie! Thank God the police station/town hall is thirty seconds away from the deserted cement factory and not one panicking local spotted Most Wanted Dale Barbra and Hey I Heard You Were Dead Julia on their way over, hmmm? I am so fucking over this magical Play Skool Move The Pieces Town crap.

 

Anyway, Angie runs in, trompling Junior's line that the butterfly is probably already dead, but he doesn't mind because he just spotted Barbie! Luckily his recent beating hasn't hurt his short term memory and he's got no problem recalling that little fracas outside the clinic; he swings his gun up without hesitation and Barbie freezes, less wary then exhausted by this whole fucking day. At this point he must feel like he's in a ducking booth at the county fair only instead of falling in a tank of water people point loaded guns at him.

 

The usual flurry of "STOP DON'T WHAT ARE YOU DOING" that accompanies pretty much everything Junior does is cut short by Julia, who sets him straight on the whole "Barbie didn't shoot me/Your dad is a big fat lying liarface" thing. "A woman named Maxine did." "Maxine?" asks Junior, "My dad's friend?" Yes, your daddy's friend, Junior. For God's sake, if opening Baby Dome and crowning the damn monarch can get Junior to quit regressing to five year old status every time his damn father is mentioned crack the thing open already! 

 

Baby Dome, who agrees with me, is fed up with every last one of these people and signals its urgency to get a move on. "Is that supposed to do that?" queries Barbie, noting the glowing red "HURRY THE HELL UP YOU CHUCKLEHEADS" handprints that are glowing on its surface. Oh, Baby Dome. It's like we're one person. What's your favorite band?

 

Cut to Linda and Jim leaving Ben's house. Where is Ben, by the way? He isn't with the Domesketeers and he's apparently not being shaken down for information by these two. I guess he vanished into that space/time warp the show stores characters in when it's not using them. "We have no idea where that place could be," Linda is fretting. Jim says there's only so many places to hide, they'll start with the McCallister barn. Um, I guess. I mean it's not the worst place to start looking but why would he assume they'd go back there after he and his army of Misfit Thugs snatched them up there earlier? Their plans to hand search the ever changing environs of Chester's Mill are interrupted by Phil, however, on the police radio. (Awww. It's the only radio he's got left! Sorry, that was horrible.) Linda instantly asks if he's all right and he's all except for the giant hole in my shoulder, stoved in ribs and concussion I'm just peachy but Barbie got away, oh, and Julia helped him escape. "Stay put, I'm on my way," says Linda, dashing off camera and not noticing Big Jim's face. Guess which of those two pieces of news Big Jim Rennie didn't want to hear? Trick question! BOTH OF THEM! 

 

Cut back to Increasingly Impatient Baby Dome being surrounded by the quartet. "Ready? On three," says Angie, and counts down while we all go to grab some popcorn because countdowns are not the most thrilling thing to ever happen onscreen, especially when they are being used as blatant padding. Julia and Barbie watch and Barbie is still handcuffed. Doesn't Junior have some damn keys on him? I mean I get he wouldn't be crazy about letting Barbie loose but this is just getting ridiculous. 

 

The four place their hands in their designated spots and ZNNNNG the Dome glows white with light, pulsing and letting off more electronica from its new album until KABOOM! THE ENTIRE THING COLLAPSES! Into a million pieces, releasing a pile of dirt and exposing Disco Egg to the big bad world of Chester's Mill. Hey, Egg? Don't buy a car from Big Jim Rennie.

 

Everybody stares, stunned, and Joe leaps into the breach with his most astute observation yet; "It opened up!" How has this kid lived this long without being handed his ass on the regular? I guess everybody has developed highly selective hearing, which they now employ in ignoring him in favor of checking out the monarch butterfly. It doesn't seem to be doing too well--in fact, I think it's taking a literal dirt nap. (I GOT A MILLION OF 'EM!)

 

Norrie looks like she's going to cry as Angie says flatly "We're too late, it's dead." I guess it's a family trait. But wait! At Norrie's gentle touch, the butterfly stirs, waves a wing, and--"Look!" Norrie says joyfully as the tiny little thing flutters up, up and around, enjoying life outside Baby Dome but wondering where this nectar its heard so much tell about is and if it's too late to head down to Cabo. It then changes itself back into that crappy, crappy special effect from back in like, the second episode and flies around the group, clearly checking each person out for arcane reasons. 

 

Flap flap flap, goes the butterfly, finally seeming to circle and love up on Barbie. And who among us would not, I ask? Barbie, who's been hit on by weirder chicks, still would like to know what's going on here and Joe takes time out from his Corgi puppy impression to say "I knew it, you're the Monarch!" Barbie manages to shape his features into a combination of nonplussed and resigned.

 

Cut to Big Jim Rennie in the latest of a series of self imposed bad days he's enduring, driving silently along and no doubt trying to figure out how to kill--let's see--Linda, Julia, Barbie, Carolyn, the kids--eight people and make it look like an accident or Russian Roulette tournament gone bad when he spots the answer to my question of where the hell everybody's got to: the church. Remember? That one church for a town of several thousand? That was run by a crazy and currently dead drug addict/dealer/mortician/seriously who the hell does the licensing around this place guy? Yeah, that church. Jim pulls in and joins the crowd, not liking a gathering that isn't at the diner and that he's not in charge of.

 

Spotting Crazy Cat Lady (popped fresh out of the space/time rip for this scene!) he stops her and asks what's going on. Crazy Cat Lady (her name is apparently Amy) says that everybody's getting right with the Lord before the End Times. Annnnd just like that we have another character dear to Steven King's heart: the Intense And Frankly Creepy Evangelical Wackjob. He uses her a lot, and sometimes to great effect, like in the film version of The Mist, but here it's much more of a  "time to drag the plot over HERE now" bit.

 

Jim says he knows people are scared but this is a crisis, not the damn Apocalypse. Wellll, yeah, but frankly I think that this stage of panic has been long overdue, especially for a group of people who were very recently nearly bombed off the map by their own government. I find it hard to believe that so many were down with Fight Club but only now is the Hurry Up With That Ark stage gripping the populace, although the whole blackening of the Dome is probably a factor in spurring on some conversions. 

 

Amy goes into the "recite Bible verses from memory" bit that's standard here. You know, how whoever's got the Devout Crazy Staff quotes Revelation piecemeal and then calls it "Revelations" (which is a HUGE annoyance for me, by the by. If they are such experts they should know the difference. There is no "S". It is Revelation, as in The Revelation of St. John the Divine. And half of those prophesies aren't even IN Revelation, they're scattered throughout Isaiah and Daniel. God, writers, it's called Google.) Anyway Amy does the "revelations" line in an attempt to make me grind my teeth into powder, then heads in to get right with the Lord and maybe actually read that Bible she's flinging around, what say. Jim pauses for a moment. He needs a sec before he takes on, you know, God.

 

Okay, this one's a bit short but I promise to get back on the Recap Pony with a quickness. Next Up: Electing Monarchs and Interpreting God's Will For Dummies!

Edited by Snookums
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Alrighty then! Here we go with yet another installment of Nobody Does This Or Talks Like This, I Don't Care If They're Under A Dome Or Not, The Finale!

 

So, we're on the threshold of the church with Big Jim Rennie, who is all set to explain to Jesus how He's been doing it wrong with all the compassion and forgiveness crap. Time to Man Up This Here Church. The whole place is filled with quietly praying people, who, again as before when facing down thermobaric death, are really creepily composed and stoic. I know they're Mainers but if you're panicky enough to flood the only church in town in a last minute redemption cram session because you think it's the End of Days you could show it a little bit, you know? One lady wiping her eyes isn't really conveying the panic and terror thing.

 

Jim walks down the aisle, which is covered with the weirdest/ugliest dark green indoor/outdoor carpeting. In fact, this whole house of worship is having a indoor decor identity crisis; it can't make up its mind if it's Lutheran or Presbyterian or Episcopalian or what. He reaches the altar, pausing for a moment as if even he can't believe what he's about to do--then swings around to face his town, saying "Thank you everybody, for coming." Wow. Hubris, thy name is James Rennie. Sisyphus is taking time out from boulder rolling to shake his head in wonderment with Prometheus.

 

"There's been a bit of a hole in our spiritual community since the passing of Reverend Coggins," he continues, leaving out the whole I MURDERED THE HELL OUT OF HIM part. Also, I really cannot picture the Reverend Coggins as depicted on this show as bringing spiritual solace to anybody. Chemical solace, okay, but I would no more seek him out during a crisis of faith then I would the terrifying guy who lives in the dumpster behind the Safeway and it's a fifty fifty bet on any given day whether he's wearing pants or not. 

 

Jim continues on to reassure the type of congregation who will apparently sit still and listen to ANYBODY that the Good Lord hasn't forgotten Chester's Mill. Day Player in Green Plaid leaps up to contradict this assessment of God's attention span, saying that they used to be trapped but at least he could still grow his crops. What? The Dome has been blacked out for under an hour! What the hell is he growing that can't last an hour? Does he harvest before sunset every night? But everybody starts murmuring in agreement, especially when another young woman pops up and points out they'll probably freeze before they starve--"What if the temperature starts dropping? My family is already out of propane." Hey, no worries there, lady; if there is anything Chester's Mill is set up for it's propane [that was a secret ingredient in a DRUG DEAL but we're ignoring that.]

 

Jim does his "I give you my word" bit of reassurance but the crowd's tougher then when they hang out at the diner and agree to search people's homes illegally. No coffee, no love, hmmm, Jimmy boy?  Day player three demands to know how Jim knows that, exactly. Jim senses that he's got to bring out some new material if he wants to keep this group in line. He pauses, then reaches for his most secret/profane in Big Jim Rennie's hands weapon--the simple truth. "I don't," he says. The crowd quiets.

 

Look, I really am old and grey and full of sleep and I simply do not have it in me to recap this entire speech. Short version: Jim wraps himself in the Faith Flag. He's got faith in Us and in God, blah blah blah, never more then we can handle, grabs Amy's bible, quotes some random Scripture,  Law and Order plug, trust me, etc. That bizarre rasping/grinding sound you hear is every holy statue in the place rolling its eyes backwards so it can watch its own skull instead of this shit. 

 

Cut to Junior denying that Barbie is the Monarch, just, no, no, NO NO NO I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR ANY OF THIS AND ESPECIALLY THAT. Joe insists that this must be how the Dome picks a new leader (see all of my previous rants on the Dome's fucked up communication skills) and Barbie is tending to agree when Norrie, resident Cassandra/noticer of things about to go epically sideways, says "Uh oh." "Now what?" asks Julia, whose bullet hole is basically a sassy accessory at this point. She just needs a matching cuff. "Look at the egg," says Nor, and we cut to said egg, which is rattling back and forth like an alien chicken is inside trying to get out. "Is it going to hatch?" asks Joe and Egg is all HATCHING IS FOR PLEBIANS and turns bright, glowing white! Man, is it pissed off again? What does it take to make this stupid Disco Egg happy?

 

Angie's all looks more like it's gonna explode, and Disco Egg does not dispute her, shaking and glowing like a hippie on his third day at Burning Man after he found the phosphorescent paint and Ecstasy stash. The cement factory begins to do a copycat act, rattling about, swinging lights to and fro and generally all It's my turn to rave, bitches! Everybody understandably freaks and prepares to flee, Angie making sure to grab the police radio (just like Junior did NOT! OKAY LAST ONE I REALLY MEAN IT THIS TIME) and they all scramble around in circles, except Julia.

 

Julia gets an entranced looks and yells "WAIT!" Ignoring Barbie's yells that the whole place is about to come down, she paces slowly towards Freaking Disco Egg. Angie shrieks at her not to touch it, that it's dangerous, but heedless, Julia bends and gently scoops it up. Immediately everything calms down and the Egg goes black in Julia's gentle hands. Okay, so? What? ( I told you guys, she's part angel! Seriously!)

 

"Why did the shaking stop?" quavers Norrie, and the butterfly decides that as fun a fling as handcuffed Barbie was (at least according to poster bmoore0426), it's time to underline the block letters for this crew. It flutterflutters over to Julia, landing gently atop now quiet Egg. Barbie, with clear relief written on his face, steps forward and declares "She's your Monarch." Now, could somebody kindly uncuff me already?

 

Guess we'll find out after the break! And we're back! But not in the cement factory, but with Big Jim. Yay. 

 

He's---what's he doing? Okay, I guess he's done in the Church and is now back in the familiar embrace of his office, about to have a cuddle session with Whiskey Girlfriend, right after he's done with looking something up and giving Phil an assignment. Yes, DJ Phil, whom we last saw doubled over as his intestines quarreled over which route to exit his body after getting the full Dale Barbra Experience is now up, about, right as rain and apparently ready to run Big Jim's latest Errand O' Evil. Julia may be part angel but I think Phil is a lost X Man. His powers include the ability to recover from vicious beatdowns and run a radio station day and night.

 

Anyway, never let it be said that Big Jim Rennie rests on his horribly earned laurels. He's back in the saddle and got an assignment for Phil: "I want you to put together a work detail. Find as many carpenters as you can." Phil asks what's up and Big Jim shows him the book, saying that it's an idea that came to him at church. Oh, Show, you are never at your best with irony. 

 

Because, of course, what Phil, African American is looking at are pictures of GALLOWS. JESUS CHRIST. Really, show? Really? I mean, I don't think the writers meant this as openly racially insensitive or anything but Good Lord. And it does not get more sensitive from here on out, lemme tell ya. 

 

"Are you serious?" asks Phil and that question was phrased a LOT more calmly and diplomatically then this crap deserves. Jim goes on about how the town's on the verge of chaos (NO, IT ISN'T. Not any more then any time in the last ten or so days, and a lot less so then when everybody was looting or placing bets on their friends and familys' abilities to beat each other into pulp.) Jim invites Whiskey Girlfriend over for a four day weekend (seriously guy, ease up on the pour) and says they've gotta show everybody they're serious about law and order. Another close up shot of ropes, just to underline everything, and Phil says okay, he'll do it. "For Dodie." Jim's all I don't care who you do it for, just get the death machine built, but verbally agrees yes, for Dodie. This scene was not brought to you by any part of history from the Civil Rights Act forward. 

 

Okay, now we're back at the barn with Linda shining a big ol' flashlight around. She took her sweet time getting over there. She radios Jim and says no joy on the whole otherworldly engine/band of rebels thing and Jim's all are you sure? Look, asshole, just because your entire territory is a triangle between your home, office, and the diner doesn't mean everybody else in the world goes to ground in the same places, okay? Linda says nothin' here but an art project, and say, what does "Pink Stars Are Falling In Lines" mean? 

 

Well, that knocked ol' Jim's knees akimbo. He sinks down, deflating like a balloon. He can barely ask Linda to repeat that, please, and as she does he turns the color of watery oatmeal. "Does that mean something to you?" asks Linda. Oh, I would say so. "Not for a long time," rasps Jim, and you know he's fucked sideways because he doesn't even lie. Looks like Junior isn't the only one who attaches importance to a certain painting. Jim tells Linda to meet him at his house. Oh boy, gallery show! I hope there's some wine and cheese to help the stick figures seem less like "What? No, seriously, where are the real paintings, the babysitter's getting fifteen dollars an hour" and more like representation of modern man's alienation or something. 

 

Cut to Inert Egg, still sleeping peacefully in Julia's arms. Norrie asks what they're supposed to do now and everybody turns to look at Jules and her pristine tank top (how do people wear white clothes all day and not fuck them up? I end up looking like a toddler's high chair tray in like ten minutes) for answers. Julia, who's, to be fair, had quite a day already, stutters a bit and admits she doesn't know. "Exactly," snaps Junior. Dude, at least Barbie isn't the Monarch--he'd probably order you smacked in the dick on the hour. Just count your blessings.

 

But no, what Junior wants is to say Nerts to Dome Monarch altogether and take that Egg to "the real authorities." Lots of over lapping "Big Jim?" "No Big Jim is a MONSTER" "DON'T SAY THAT" for a few seconds until Barbie cuts through to tell Junior that he watched his father clip Maxine in the head when she was bound and unarmed. "My dad," sneers Junior, "hurt a woman." Um, what? Why is Big Jim's imaginary chivalry suddenly the sticking point for Junior? 

 

Angie doesn't help anything by bringing up that whole "Big Dome wants us to assassinate Big Jim" thing, and Junior snarls that he's sick of hearing them all run down his dad, while pulling his piece and preparing to build another mental bunker in his head where he can hide until Daddy makes everything better. At least he can't lock Angie in there. 

 

Julia steps forward and asks Junior to calm down but that's really not the exit he's taking. He points his gun right at her and says that all she does is LIE. Barbie takes handcuffed umbrage at that but Junior's all it's true--she told me right here in these same tunnels that she got fired from her last job for LYING. Man, Junior is worse than Google Search when it comes to trying to hide your professional past. "Just like she's lying about my dad right now," Junior concludes. I'm not reeeeeeallly sure what those two things have to do with each other but hey, who needs logical thinking processes when you've got a gun? Junior aims at Jules's head and demands she hand over the Egg. I dunno, Junior, I really don't think you're up for single parenting that thing. 

 

Julia stares him down, looks at the Egg, as Junior reaches one hand out. She looks down, seems to reach out--and tosses the Egg to Angie with a "Run!" YES! EXCELLENT! For the reason now being shown, that furious and heartbroken as Junior is, he cannot bring himself to shoot Angie. And that gives Barbie time for an encore of his greatest hit--taking down somebody with both hands tied behind his back!  (At this point I don't think bmoore's ever coming out of his room.) He leaps sideways onto Junior and knocks him down! Julia pauses, crying "Barbie!" but Barbie's all Get OUT OF HERE ALREADY and she runs off after the kids. Don't worry, honey. Barbie got this. 

 

But not quite, since Junior is now punching Barbie repeatedly in the face before hauling him up and bellowing "You're done, YOU'RE DONE!" at him and hauling him off. If he can't present Disco Egg to his daddy he can at least fetch Barbie up like a good little results of a lifetime of traumatic parenting retriever. Woof woof woof, pant pant. Hey, maybe he can join Truman the Dog in the far reaches of time and space for a while! At least everybody else would get a break from him.

 

Okay, that's it for now since Husband is home and making pointed remarks about how much longer I'm going to be. Picking up tomorrow! Nothing perks up your town center like a nice functional gallows!

Edited by Snookums
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 Next installment! Art imitates life! Or rather, Art is weird/sad/stickfigure-y representation of a bunch of aliens' horribly ineffective communication methods.

 

So, remember how "Pink stars are falling in lines" was all triggery and shit for Jim? Well, he's hauled Linda over to his dead wife's studio for some impromptu therapy. They enter with Linda asking why Big Jim can't just tell her what's going on and Jim's reply of "you wouldn't believe me." Honestly, that's a bit much. Considering what's been going on for the past ten days I can't think of many things Linda or anybody else wouldn't believe. But hey, any chance to look at these paintings some more, oh joy.

 

"I've got to show you," "Show me what?" as they walk past a truly eclectic mishmash of styles and fills Linda in on Pauline's rather more fluid than solid mental state before she "passed" -- even now, Jim won't say that she killed herself--and how right before that tragic "accident" she kept saying one phrase over and over. Yep, pink stars are falling in lines.

 

"Are you sure?" asks Linda, once again showing that acute mental acumen that marks the true detective. YES, I'M PRETTY SURE HE'S SURE, LINDA. I may rightly think Big Jim a bully/tyrant/murderer but he really hasn't shown himself to be stupid most of the time. (MOST of the time.) Why on earth would he tell you any of this if he wasn't sure? It's sure not going to do him any good.

 

"Maybe it's a coincidence," Linda continues, because hey yeah, Pink Stars Are Falling is something everybody was saying back then, right? I think it was a line from an Austin Powers movie or something. Big Jim rightly doesn't say a word and waits for the investigative officer to notice the giant oil painting in front of her. It's a lovely portrait in the style of Matisse, but instead of being stylized female figures it's our old friend Disco Egg, surrounded by, yes, pink stars.

 

Cut from this nonsense to Angie fleeing through the woods. Man, she's done this so much lately she could probably make a career of it, if she ever gets tired of leaving the diner open while she's not there and in the hands of invisible elves or whoever's actually running the place. She stops, gasping and still holding Disco Egg, to look up at Norrie approaching her. Norrie says they're all okay as Julia and Joe walk up (the hell? Angie was running by herself, and these three are all coming from different directions. How did they know to meet up here?) Julia says Junior got Barbie and Joe asks what are they supposed to do now? A very good question! Let's ask the Dome appointed Monarch!

 

Or not, because Angie says look, something this powerful has to be what's generating the Big Dome. Fair enough, it's not like there's any other prospects on the table. So maybe, she continues, if we destroy the egg the Dome will go away! Whoa there, pardner, let's not put the Egg Destruction before the horse, okay? Joe agrees with me, saying that could just as possibly start another earthquake. Norrie, ever the voice of reason, says why don't we just try asking it? Because the Dome/Egg duo has been so very forthright and honest and uncomplicated in its dictums up 'til now. But there really isn't any other path, and Julia holds out her hand for the egg.

 

Angie hands it over and Julia promptly stretches it forth to Norrie. Norrie hesitates, asking what she's supposed to say, and Julia calmly says "whatever feels right." I would rather take a combination SAT/driver's test every day for the next ten years then deal with the fucking Dome for ten more minutes. Norrie has more grit then me, though. She takes the egg, concentrating, then says "Please, just tell us what to do."

 

Nothing. After a minute Angie the pragmatist says dryly "Great, can we try blowing it up now?" Tee hee. But the Dome seems to sense when its appointees are at the end of their collective tether and Joe says "Whoa." Norrie turns...

 

And sees Alice. Alice in her blue dress and glasses, smiling at them. Dome, you are just such a fucking asshole.

 

Norrie gasps, freezes, stutters "Mom?" Not-Alice smiles benignly at their disbelief, and we cut back to Jim and Linda still contemplating Still Life With Pink Stars And Egg. Jim's in a daze, muttering "It's like she knew all this was going to happen." Linda asks how that's possible but Jim isn't listening, still in a world of past mistakes: "I kept thinking she was sick. Maybe she was trying to warn us. I didn't see it, maybe I could have done more for her." Jim's love for his wife and guilt at her terrible death is just about his only remaining redeeming quality, and Dean Norris does a great job here, just so quiet and for once not plotting or planning or trying to avoid the truth.

 

This freaks Linda out and she takes his arm, saying he needs to stay strong. If his wife saw the Dome coming, that means his family's important. Yeah, and you two don't even know what the Dome wants Junior to do to prove it yet. "That means you're important," she says, and that gets through. Jim's eyes narrow, harden. Yes, he's important, and he's going to cling to that.

 

The moment is broken by Guess Who Jr, radioing in to Linda (not his dad, interestingly) that he's got Barbie and he's bringing him in. Jim's entire face curdles into a dark mass at this news.

 

Back to the woods and Not-Alice, still just standing there, not saying anything or moving. GAHHH. Norrie, overwhelmed, moves towards her but Julia yanks her back immediately. "Sweetheart," she says, "I don't think that's your mother." Which just makes this chosen guise even more thoughtful and not at all horribly insensitive or downright traumatic to a teenager who's just lost a parent. Way to go, Dome!

 

Finally, Not-Alice smiles, steps forward, and speaks. "Forgive us, " she says, and can I just take a minute here to say NOPE. NO. That's a helluva arrogant opening. How about "We're so sorry" or "We had no idea what would happen" or even an "Our bad?" You want to lead with the apology when you open, Not-Alice. "We're still learning how to speak with you," she continues. "We've taken on a familiar appearance to help bridge the divide." Well, isn't that just so nice of you. Hey, what's a dead mom or two for the greater good?

 

The group shows much more restraint than I would have and does not immediately tackle Not-Alice and beat the stuffing out of her. Instead Norrie demands to know what divide, who the hell are you? Instead of using the perfectly good command of the English language it just demonstrated, Not-Alice does that infuriating little smile again and makes one of those electronica meeps while Joe fills us in once again: "I think it's whoever sent the Dome to Chester's Mill!"

 

Yep, and Not-Alice confirms it with a nod. So they've picked up not only language but our non verbal communication? I am growing ever less patient with the Dome senders. After a moment of Norrie trying not to cry and general awkwardness, Angie finally asks the important question, why? Why are you punishing us?

 

The Dome wasn't sent to punish you, Not-Alice replies, it was sent to protect you. Well, gotta admit, it did do a bang up job (HAH) against that giant bomb. That wouldn't have been sent if there was no Dome, so NOPE. No points there. "Protect us from what?" asks Monarch Julia and Not-Alice does that little smirk again (ARRRRGH) before saying "You'll see. In time."

 

Okay, NO. That is no answer. Guys, I need you to work as one here and take Not-Alice down and work her over until she/it gets the full range of our non verbal communications, okay? Seriously, this is infuriating. And it just gets more so, as Angie asks how they can see anything with the Dome blacked out and Not-Alice says that if they want the darkness to abate, they must earn the light. OKAY WHAT? I get first punch here. Everybody get in line behind me. Julia, once again taking the high road (Seriously, Not-Alice, you are so lucky you are talking to her and not me) asks how and Not-Alice says by protecting the Egg. So we don't even get to blow it up? Fuck this, Angie, c'mon, let's go burn down the diner or something to relieve our feelings.

 

Julia concludes it's Protect Egg Or Die and Not-Alice nods again. Everybody looks solemn and not at all like I am right now (lots of teeth grinding and muttered profanities) and when Julia asks for a little practical info on how to protect it and who from, guess what? Yep, Not-Alice vanishes without trace! OH. MY. GOD. Seriously, you guys? Next time, blanket party first, stilted Q&A after. The group is left alone, staring into the trees and darkness, as Norrie crumples, sobbing over losing her mother again and Julia looks grim. I bet I could totally sell Jules on my rendition plans for future Dome manifestations right now.

 

Cut to another functioning police car (seriously, where are all these being kept? Where is the gas coming from?) as Linda and Jim pull up at town hall, where the gallows construction is proceeding apace and hilariously without comment or protest from anybody. Really? Nobody thinks this is just a mite ominous or anything?

 

Junior yanks Barbie along, all but wagging his tail at how proud his daddy's going to be of him, and cutting off Barbie's protests that he's got everything wrong. No, for once Junior finally has things right, or so he thinks (or whatever passes for thinking at any given moment with him.) They stroll right by the swiftly climbing gallows and Barbie looks askance, probably because it's not even a third done and they've already got a noose set up. Guys, measure twice, cut once. This is careless gallows carpentry.

 

Barbie is now in his accustomed jail cell (STILL HANDCUFFED, oh, this poor actor, that must have suuuuucked) contemplating how a perfectly simple shakedown job turned into this carnival of bizarreness, staring out his window at the construction job going on, perfectly framed. Coincidentally, that's what's happening to him right now!  Hah, it's good to find the silver lining. And as a cherry on top of this sundae of suck, here's Big Jim, all over that Dark Contemplation Of The Soul and all ready to hit Full Asshole!  His face is the dictionary definition of Smug as he says "welcome back," relishing the reinstatement of his current mass murder/mass murder coverup plans. Everything works out for Big Jim Rennie. 

 

But he's not just here to gloat. "This egg," he continues, "Tell me where they took it." He figures it's the key to all this--making the darkness go away, controlling the Dome--and of course he wants it. Pretty much more then anybody in the history of Earth has wanted anything. Take every kid who's wanted a pony for Christmas, double that, and then multiply it by infinity and you still wouldn't be close to how much Big Jim Rennie wants control of the Dome. 

 

Barbie's got his number, of course, and says it's a secret. "You may think you're a god to these people," he says, moving to the bars (hey, at least he's not chained to the wall this time! Sorry, bmoore) "but we both know what you really are." "Ohhh, what's that?" purrs Big Jim, "a criminal?" "Worse," says Barbie, "a politician." OH BURN! Big Jim doesn't disagree, though. His bread's been buttered by politics to long to bother.

 

Cut to Angie and the rest of the Domesketeers entering the deserted diner! I guess everybody's still at church and not hanging out hoping she'll come by to open up for fifteen minutes at random. "We're clear," she says, "Come in, stay away from the windows." Well, that's not going to help much as long as you all are waving those flashlights around, Ang. You might as well just call Jim and invite him over. The Invisibility Cloak is still in working order, though, and they gather in the kitchen. 

 

Joe, in his capacity of The Littlest DUH-er, asks if those were gallows going up next to town hall? and Norrie concludes, safely wrapped once again in LA Snark, that this day just keeps getting awesomer. (Say, what's Carolyn doing right now, do you suppose?) Julia calls the meeting to order and asks what they should do about the Egg, they need to hide it someplace safe. Norrie says there's nowhere to stash anything but I don't know, the cement factory seems to be a regular repository of secrets nowadays.

 

Before they can go any further, the police radio Angie's been carrying around like her favorite stuffed animal crackles to life. "This is Big Jim Rennie with a message for Julia Shumway," it squawks. Oh, really? The same Julia Shumway you assured everyone was hovering on the brink of  death and that's why Barbie is the most dangerous criminal at large since Al Capone and Scarface combined? And you're now threatening this same damsel in distress ON AN OPEN CHANNEL?? Christ, it's like the writers are doing that game where one writes a page, folds it over so it can't be read, and passes it on to the next guy.

 

"We know you have a dangerous weapon in your possession," the radio snarls. "Bring it to us now and we'll discuss a reduced sentence for your accomplice" blah blah blah you have an hour or we kack Barbie on our shiny new gallows, over and out. Boy, I bet everybody who heard that isn't going to conclude that Jim Rennie is a dangerous and power maddened lunatic steering Chester's Mill like a bumper car off the edge of the Grand Canyon! Tragically, they probably really won't. Nobody questions anything Jim does until the script tells them to and it's all forgotten by the next scene anyway.

 

Julia looks sad and beauteous as we cut to Jim setting down his radio and taking a big ol' swig off Whiskey Girlfriend (she's so understanding) and the camera cutting to the clock, showing just past three p.m. Jim's deep in contemplation of his Schedule of Evil Deeds when in comes Junior, sick of waiting in the hall for his dad to take him to the Dairy Queen for being such a good boy. 

 

Jim manages to get out a "good work today," but before he can turn it around and somehow make everything Junior's fault again, Junior cuts in with some more news: "They want to assassinate you." "Who are you talking about?" asks Jim, and it's a fair question, that's a pretty long list. Junior doesn't clarify, though, just goes on that "they" think he's dangerous, that he murdered people. Jim, as is his wont, turns the conversation back at his son--"Do you believe it?" 

 

"Should I?" asks Junior and I think he's reaching for his gun again. Cannot fault him for that move. Tension, then Jim pulls on his Bullshit Robe once again. Until today, he never put much stock in miracles, but he went to see his mom's old studio this afternoon. Brilliant misdirection, and Junior trots right along the pointed out path, the one leading to Mommy. "You saw the paintings?" he asks, and Jim says they weren't some accident, they were destiny, their destiny. What? Junior doesn't get it either, and Jim doubles down on the bromides: "There's nothing a good man won't do for the people he loves." Apparently that was something mom used to say. Ugh, that's shitty. But it works, Junior once again is six years old. 

 

"You want the truth?" asks Jim and that's a laugh. Neither of these two could recognize the truth if, to quote Blackadder, it painted itself purple and danced atop a harpsichord singing "Truthy Days Are Here Again." But Big Jim's got the whip hand now and keeps going..."I have taken lives." Whoops, that actually was factual. "But none that didn't absolutely need to be taken" and THEEEERRRRE we go. Even Jim Rennie can't possibly sell this crap to himself anymore, can he? "For the good of this town." And the dismount! Perfect!

 

Junior asks why Jim didn't just tell him and Jim trots out the whole "I thought I needed to protect you" crap to the kid he's treated like an emotional punching clown toy for years. But now he's all growed up and Jim's so proud, and they're in this together! The Rennies, they were chosen. Just to put the bow on, he hauls out Dead Mom again. "Your mom tried with all her heart to tell us. Those pink stars she painted were a message, son. And they're shining down on you." Barf. But it works. I don't think Junior's going to be stabbing Big Jim full of holes anytime soon. Or until the next scene when the script has his character do a 180 for no reason, whichever.

 

CLOSING IN, SEVEN MINUTES OF SHOW TIME LEFT! Soon, show. Soon.

Edited by Snookums
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Okay, this is it, you guys. I am wrapping up the Season One Finale tonight come hell or high water! Just in time for Season Three! (God help me.) This may have to be broken into two posts for length but I am finishing this bastard. This is the hill to die on! IN THE NAME OF DISCO EGG,  FOR GLORY AND CHESTER'S MILL!

 

So, we're still in Jim's office for one of his classic "heart to heart with side of emotional abuse" scenes and he's just polished off Junior's free will using his dead mother. Ahhh, family. So, to continue, Jim is now telling Junior that they are The Chosen People: "You and I need to do what nobody else in Chester's Mill can. We need to make the hard decisions, act on them, and lead." What I find fascinating about this is the blend of utter cynicism/sociopathy and genuine belief that what he's saying is true that comprises Big Jim Rennie's motivation. He's like an Old Testament Prophet in a lot of ways; always stepping in it, broadcasting unpopular opinions, moments of doubt but never really being swayed from his mission. It's one in a million who have this blend of personality traits and a social situation to highlight them. Just think how different things would be right now if Big Jim had been sneaking in a lunch at that Denny's when the Dome came down.

 

"From here on out," concludes Big Jim to Junior's 'pathetically ready to believe even after everything that's gone down in his entire life' face, "no more secrets between us." He sticks out his hand, to shake Junior's, but Junior still has some scrap of will of his own--he steps forward and engulfs Jim in a hug. (You don't really realize how not at all tall Dean Norris is until his onscreen progeny embraces him, which is really a testament to how professional this actor is, bringing his A game to the set no matter how many shrieks of "WHAT THE FUCK?" echoed off his motel room walls as he read the next day's sides the night before.) 

 

Junior holds the father that, in spite of everything, he still loves and needs, and for once Jim doesn't look impatient or uncomfortable. He just hugs him back. Awww, I bet Dead Mom is smiling down from Heaven right now! Or tossing back her sixth pint of gin trying to deal. Either one.

 

Cut to the diner and the Domesketeers, debating what to do in their latest no-win situation. Joe is of course all for rescuing Barbie but Norrie, still struggling with the vision of her dead mother (Dome, you ASSHOLE) says they can't give Jim the egg; "that woman" said it would be the end of all of us if we don't protect it. Angie, and rightly so, says they don't even know what that means, and Julia says we're all dead if Disco Egg falls into the wrong hands. Norrie points out you can't get more wrong then Big Jim and the Dome already made that as clear as it makes anything. Julia gazes intently at Disco Egg, still snoring contentedly away. Disco Egg needs to get a job or enroll at the community college, this group has pampered it for too long! 

 

Joe sums up the dilemma neatly, as is his wont: "How can we protect the Egg and rescue Barbie?" and Julia snaps out of her latest trance and says, we can't. Angie asks what they hell they're supposed to do, then, and Julia says we don't do anything. If I'm really the Monarch this has to be my decision. Ahah, so Julia is the white Queen to Jim's black King! Nice. (I think Jim's wearing a black shirt right now, too.) She tells them that they've done enough and she wants them to go somewhere safe. So, impossible demands right out of the gate, Your Highness? Next you'll want coffee on demand and the diner open whenever it's convenient...oh, wait.

 

Joe asks what Julia's going to do while they're off catching unicorns and plowing an acre of land between the sea foam and the sea strand, and Julia gazes downward, the Egg nestled snugly in her hands as the music stings us out and we are left wondering how a woman who was SHOT and has just run multiple miles through the woods in the dark is A) standing and B) clean as a whistle. I know I'm obsessing on this but fuck, you guys, there's a reason I buy all black tee shirts, it's because white hates me and everything to do with me and every white piece of clothing I have ever owned has made it its only goal in life to resemble a Jackson Pollack painting as soon as possible. AND DID I MENTION THE HAIR???

 

But enough of that, time for indications that everything is A-OK; a lovely gallows in Town Square! They really did a neat job on it, too. It is actually pretty creepy that there are multiple carpenters in Chester's Mill who all know how to construct a functional gallows in under an hour with no blueprints. I have a feeling I know why the aliens picked this little paradise. 

 

The townspeople are back from church and wandering around, gazing at the instrument of ghastly death like it's a new bandstand. Seriously, what does it take to rouse actual emotions in these people?? Is the Dome pumping Valium into the air or what? Linda's there but she seems as down with it as anybody else. So much for not turning Chester's Mill into Jim's personal feifdom on his say so. 

 

Cut to Big Jim sitting in his office and looking like he's either burdened with the affairs of state or is regretting that second burrito. It takes a cut to the clock before I'm clued in that he's waiting for a callback from Julia. I don't think she and Disco Egg are interested in that date, guy. Jim nods to Junior, who's just standing there, arms crossed, and Junior heads out, presumably to get Barbie for his big debut. How stark or whatever. 

 

Cut to a car driving along, let's see... okay, it's Julia. I think that's her Prius, too! Reliable under Dome conditions, financing available! She gets out, still cradling the Egg, and gazes into the dark.

 

Cut to Big Jim, who told that burrito where to get off and is standing atop the gallows. (I hope the actor bellowed "I'M KING OF THE WORLD!" at least once. Oh, c'mon, that's funny.) He gazes at the townspeople, all of whom are basically doing everything but "baaa"-ing and cropping grass at this point. I'm guessing all the extras' scripts just read "gaze numbly into middle distance without reacting no matter what." 

 

"I know you're scared," says Jim, with a distinctive failure in his ability to read a crowd. "I'm scared too." Blah blah blah, outside elements, subversiveness, as Junior leads still handcuffed Barbie (seriously, I cannot concentrate whenever poor Mike Vogel is onscreen, all I can think of is how very very shitty that must be for him) to his spot on the gallows. Jim gasses on, basically reworking any standard 1950s anti-Communist propaganda speech in a glorious free for all word salad of buzzpoints meant to get everybody down with this here hanging. He's wasting his time, though; this crowd looks like it would be unimpressed at a presidential assassination. Man, they really are overdoing the Stoic, here. Even Barbie has decided Fuck It and just stands there. Say, does anybody here in this delightful town know how to properly hang somebody? It's trickier than it looks. Don't ask how I know that.  (History Channel.) (That's also where I get all my aliens knowledge.) (ALIENS ARE ASSHOLES.)

 

And back to Julia, and I guess she's on a dock at Lake Whatever (I know it's Eastpoint but that name is boring) still all dithery and distance-gazing. Jules, I need you to step it up here. Disco Egg is going to wake up any minute and you know how cranky it is. She stands, staring down at the black water...

 

And we cut to Junior, wrapping the noose around Barbie's neck as Phil looks grimly satisfied...

 

And back to Julia, lifting Barbie's dog tags to the--light? It can't be moonlight, where is that coming from? Never mind!--and pausing...

 

And over to Big Jim, looking very very snarly/determined, like he could beat up a thousand burritos as Linda stands there uselessly and Junior readies the drop handle...

 

And back to Julia, making a decision and dropping the Egg into the waters of the lake (oh, and she's on a boat, so I guess she went out to the middle of the lake to do this which makes sense but really fucks up the timing of this tension building back and forth thing.) There's silence for a second, then; LIGHT SHOW!

 

Yes, Disco Egg apparently approves! Or disapproves! Who knows with that little enigmatic bastard! But it's definitely something and showing it with the magenta electric laser display we know and love! It grows and spreads, the lights shooting up in, well, stars, heading for the top of the Dome as Julia looks stunningly sad and bewildered and we cut to Barbie and everybody else snapping to to notice that hey, fireworks and oh my GOD they're about to hang that guy!

 

Up and up the stars go, in the hundreds (it really is a neat effect) and Jim glances at Junior for a "the hell?" "I got nothin" exchange before he grabs hold of the situation to say hey, the Good Lord is totally down with our work here! Hanging is totally awesome and Jesus-y! Even Dean Norris, pro that he is, looks uncomfortable with this. Luckily everybody seems to ignore him and Junior's back to "oh, no, I picked wrong again" face. 

 

Cut to Joe, Norrie and Angie just walking down the street by the church where anybody can see them. Okay, I guess it's worked so far so I can't fault the strategy, but still! They stop to gaze skyward at the thousands of pink stars...

 

Barbie stares up, seemingly without hope at this point, as the stars coalesce at the top of the Dome and turn into a giant ball of light. Linda winces and squints. I'm not sure if it's the glorious display or her moral cowardice that's making her do that. 

 

KABOOM and the stars explode downward, over the steeple of the church as the three kids stare in awe, clearing away the blackness and revealing the glowing sunlight (High Noon or six p.m.? You decide!) (I guess that earned them the light!) (THE.DOME.IS.AN.ASSHOLE.)

 

The townspeople FINALLY come to, pointing upwards and gasping with joy and disbelief. Jim, knowing he's got only seconds to get away with this, bellows "Now, son, do it now!" to Junior, who's still frozen in place, the handle glowing white in his hands. "NOW, DO IT NOW!" bellows Jim as we cut to the kids, then Julia, then the outside shot of the Dome, glowing like a beacon, annnnnd....THE END. 

 

The. End. Oh, my God, you guys, this is it, the end of season one! I can't believe we made it! Man, back at the beginning I wasn't even going to post, just power through the season to catch up before season 2 started, but then I had to get it one disc at a time on Netflix so I just started with some general observations, and then it just kinda grew from there. Wow.

 

Well, anyway, thanks for sticking with me. I honestly don't know if or when I can do Season 2, since I'll have to wait until it's on DVD and for the end of The Following. No way I can keep up that level of recapping. But you all made it worth it. The entire point of boards like these is back and forth and If I was hoggy, I sincerely apologize. I just get wound up and kinda entangled before I know what's hit me. 

 

So,see everybody 'round the boards! I'm posting on the Sons of Anarchy, Gotham and Sleepy Hollow boards and counting down until The Following creeps back on the screen, hope to run into everybody someplace or other! 

Edited by Snookums
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Congrats @Snookums on making it all the way to the end of Season 1 without shouting WTF to the heavens/peak of the Dome so many times that you gave up -- it's been a hell of a ride.  And thanks for your summaries, they are really entertaining.

 

And if you thought Season 1 UTD was goofy, just wait to you start going through Season 2 -- it will blow your mind.

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Oh, Lord, I really don't know if I can take it. Can anything top Max and Fight Club? Julia's Divinely Pristine Tank Top? Baby Dome and Disco Egg? Disappearing Truman? Vanishing Baby Alice?  Reverend "Unorthodox Side Venue" Coggins? Thermobaric Bomb Day? Everything Jim Rennie says and does? Dead Mom Rennie's [Generously Defined As] Art?

 

It's gonna have its work cut out, is what I'm saying.

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It's gonna have its work cut out, is what I'm saying.

 

Oh it's possible -- here's 3 things that crank the crazy up to 11 in Season 2 to whet your appetite (spoilered for your protection).

 

Drownsie the Dome avatar, Rebecca the High School teacher, and new art from Pauline.

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Great job Snookums! Season 2 was as full of WTF-ery as season 1. Surprisingly there were a couple of episodes in the middle of the season that despite the usual unbelievable plot nonsense were pretty good and gave me hope that this show could turn around. Of course, it was just the Dome's way of saying "Fooled you!" and it went back to it's usual gaping plot holes and characters acting like lemmings. And yet, I'll be back for season 3. There is something about this show that won't let me quit it.

I hope you get to see The Fall soon. (It was great.) And I am looking forward to The Following. Still haven't heard when it's coming back but I did see a preview so I guess soon. See you then!

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Just started speed watching on Amazon. Ridiculous writing at times but I enjoy it as a guilty pleasure.

I love the unintentional absurdity of Norri's family.

While I am sure there were a few interacial lesbian couples having babies circa 1997, they were probably only slightly more common than sentient, impenetrable domes appearing over small towns.

I was glad to find out that Norri's real name was Eleanor (after Eleanor Roosevelt perhaps?). I was convinced she was named after "Moms'" favorite seaweed.

I did find it refreshing that the writers were un-PC enough to have Norri be a messed up kid who was apparently embarrassed by having 2 Moms. (Though given the quality of the writing, it was probably cluelessness rather than courage). I loved when she covered by saying she meant Moms in a slang way, like Pops.

Speaking of "Moms", what is up with them shipping her off to a reform school in Maine? Were all the reform schools in California (and Nevada and Arizona...and Ohio...and New Jersey and New York, etc.) full, or were "Moms" trying to put as many miles as possible between them and their beloved daughter?

Also, wouldn't Norri have different names for each Mom. Maybe Momma for one, Mom for the other, or Mommy Alice and Mommy Carolyn? Calling them both Mom seems confusing.

Funny to see Dean Norris playing the drug dealer hiding in plain sight. I was a bit disappointed that his brother in law wasn't the ASAC of the

Chester's Mill DEA office. ;)

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I binge-watched Season One because I found out an actor I like is in Season Two and now I remember why I initially stopped watching. 

 

I hate these people so much. Every single adult besides Barbie and even he's not always the sharpest tool in the shed. And most of the kids except for the Dome Three.

 

Haaaaaate.

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Guest

So I'm rewatching the first few episodes on Amazon.

I'm sure I watched all of season 1 but I have very little recollection of anything.

First impressions the second time around.  The actress who plays Julia is terrible.  The character of Julia is terrible.  The worse punishment I can imagine is being locked in a dome that I can't get out of with Julia. Actually, if they also let her have access to the radio station that would be worse.  Oh wait, they did.  I can also totally believe that she would be a character that could somehow fall in love a guy who killed her husband.

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On 5/6/2018 at 9:45 PM, ParadoxLost said:

The actress who plays Julia is terrible.  The character of Julia is terrible. 

The only thing about Julia that wasn't terrible was her hair, which always managed to be freshly shampooed and styled, even while under a dome :)

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