S07.E11: State of the Union

[booboopbedoo]

On 9/13/2018 at 12:44 PM, Ilovepie said:

Can you imagine having to coddle someone like that every day for the rest of your life? Especially when you are used to having your own shit together and are not especially nurturing to begin with. What a nightmare. Extreme mismatch here, and Amber needs major therapeutic help, and I'm not talking any of the "experts" either.

If she ever got pregnant OMG!

She is a horror and I want to tie her up and staple her lips shut and color her hair

On 9/13/2018 at 1:22 PM, LuvMyShows said:

The socks thing was so bizarre, and really gives insight into the special hell Dave must be living in. 

I am not the best wife but even I know when I am running out of clothes and am able to do laundry. She is like a petulant teenager and he needs to boot her out

[PityFree]

Oh gawd, I’m watching the unfiltered and they’re discussing this episode and Amber seems like such a sad sack! It’s tragic.

[gonecrackers]

Glad Danielle told Dave he was being harsh & that it's not always the woman's fault when she dates someone who turned out to not be trustworthy. Maybe it's the guy who acted in an untrustworthy way Dave.

[Ctotsy]

On 9/15/2018 at 8:10 AM, Yeah No said:

Here is another great post I had to come back to today.  I hate how this show makes women look insecure and needy when they'e matched with guys that aren't into them or that speak different love languages, like you say above.  When I was young I once dated a guy that said he liked me a lot but there was a gnawing insecurity in the pit of my gut that wouldn't go away.  Somehow I didn't trust him.  He kept telling me that I was too "needy" and insecure.  I told him I was not needy and insecure, it was that I didn't trust him completely.  I found out later that he was cheating on me the entire time, and that I was actually his "sidepiece", while the other woman was his longtime "true love" that had moved away and then came back.  He had never broken up with her, but while she was away for several months he needed a "stand in", hence me.  Of course he never told me about my true status, but lead me on into thinking we had a future together.  Just because a woman acts insecure it doesn't mean she's the one with the issues.  Sometimes insecurity is an accurate reaction to what is going on in the relationship.  I personally think Bobby is more insecure than Amber.  All that desperate doting he does on Danielle is what we would label as "insecurity" if a woman did it.  But because he's a man and knows how to hide it better, he somehow flies under the radar.  That really chaps my hyde.

I completely agree with you! I also think the show is editing Amber to look a lot more insecure than she really is for the sake of drama. Also, I've definitely been in that type of relationship too where I felt insecure and the guy wasn't necessarily making an effort to make me feel safe And confident when turns out he wasn't being too faithful. She's probably feeling so insecure for a reason.

[love2lovebadtv]

3 hours ago, Ctotsy said:

I completely agree with you! I also think the show is editing Amber to look a lot more insecure than she really is for the sake of drama. Also, I've definitely been in that type of relationship too where I felt insecure and the guy wasn't necessarily making an effort to make me feel safe And confident when turns out he wasn't being too faithful. She's probably feeling so insecure for a reason.

I think Amber could be getting a bad edit to exaggerate her insecurity. But she's definitely got issues around that. And then the fact that Dave isn't so into her only makes it worse. 

[Yeah No]

On 9/17/2018 at 1:23 AM, LuvMyShows said:

Somehow it has become OK to consider it "judgmental" if you think (or even worse, if you say) anything that is not 100% positive about someone else.  There is nothing wrong with two partners or spouses not liking something about the other person, and saying something about it.  The important part is how they say it and what happens next.  Dave could have been legitimately concerned about Amber's decision-making processes, since by her own admission, she has over and over again dated men she couldn't trust.  If I were Dave, I would want to understand it better...did she see red flags but choose to ignore them?  Did she think the person would change?   Did they seem trustworthy at first but then revealed their true selves?  Understanding things like this makes a partnership soooo much better in terms of knowing what might be behind someone's actions and how you can help.  But it seems like Amber's deep insecurity makes her want to run from any genuine discussion of her faults so she turns it around on Dave and accuses him of being judgmental.  He certainly could have been more caring and inquisitive in how he mentioned it to her, but now the conversation is adversarial and won't go anywhere positive.  But I am pretty darn sure that there are things she doesn't like about Dave, which she is perfectly entitled to as well, and she wouldn't consider it judgmental if she mentioned them to him.  These two are just so mismatched!!!

I think it's the way Dave approaches these discussions that comes off as judgmental.  Saying right off that bat that he thinks it's sad that she's never been able to trust anyone in a relationship in that tone does come off rather "judgy" and superior.  Amber takes it as a criticism to heart and doesn't fight back.  And I think it is a criticism coming from him.  I would be turning it around on him to his face saying, "Oh, so you've always trusted everyone you've dated 100%?"  Like who made HIM perfect?  I'd call him out on it because I think he is full of shit, sorry.  Even if she went into the story about it he'd probably just give her some smug condescending advice like he's the expert and she's just the pitiful loser.  I don't blame her for not wanting to open herself up to that.  I wouldn't either.  He's not capable of turning that into a positive exchange.  With him it's just more criticism disguised as concern and advice.

[Yeah No]

On 9/18/2018 at 7:06 AM, humbleopinion said:

Gonna bust out the oldie movie references now that there is at least an audience of 2...so many great movies made in the 60's.

I'm vintage too and speaking of Baby Jane, I never saw it but TCM recently showed it and it's waiting on my DVR for me to watch it!  I get a lot of old movie references because I'm an old movie buff, so go right ahead.

On 9/18/2018 at 2:37 PM, Ilovepie said:

Bust them out! I am only in my 40's but I love old movies, the older the better. TCM is my favorite channel! Perhaps people don't realize they are actually referencing a classic every time they say someone is "gaslighting" their partner ;-p

What a GREAT movie THAT is!!  I love it that there are people younger than me that love these old movies!

[Crazy Bird Lady]

On 9/13/2018 at 3:22 PM, LuvMyShows said:

The socks thing was so bizarre, and really gives insight into the special hell Dave must be living in.  If she can't even keep up with her OWN laundry, to the point that she runs out of clean socks, there is NO WAY IN HELL that she is going to be keeping up with doing his as well (which was apparently what they agreed on). 

Actually, I think that's probably why Amber freaked out about the socks. None of the 'socks' event was aired on TV, so we don't know how it all went down -- we only have Dave's version, as told to Jamie Otis. 

Dave being Dave, I can easily imagine him seeing Amber digging through drawers and immediately taking that Dave "pose" -the one that looks like he should have both hands on his hips, even if he doesn't. The moment Amber saw that Dave "pose," she would feel she was being judged, and that feeling would certainly increase if Dave said something like, "Instead of having another meltdown, just tell me what you're looking for so I can help you find it." At that point she'd be panicked, because of what Luvmyshows said, above. She's supposed to be the one doing laundry, and she can't find her own socks... Her missing socks feed back into the 'you're being lazy because you haven't washed my clothes for two weeks' thing, and she probably still feels really embarrassed (and guilty) about that.

It's not as if Dave is the type of guy who argues and then forgets it, letting the past be the past. 

I once lived with a man who never, ever, forgot an issue we had argued or disagreed about. It was like he kept a running roster of what he considered to be my "faults," and so any time we disagreed about anything he had plenty of "ammunition" to "make his case" for why I was (always) in the wrong. I was afraid of doing anything to annoy him. It was a living hell.

Edited September 21, 2018 by Crazy Bird Lady

[gonecrackers]

It's been more than established & driven home by the over edited & production driven show that Amber is "insecure", or at least around Dave, her insecurity is emphasized. Dave has an air of superiority about him, & I think it's in particular directed toward women. If she is not very secure in herself, she will let him get the better of her; if she is secure in herself, she probably wouldn't stay with someone so critical. There's a reason the guy's not been married & I do think we're seeing it in this dynamic. 

Edited September 21, 2018 by gonecrackers