A Matter Of Rank: The Best, Worst, Most & Least Of Everything

[TooMuchCoffee]

I'm still too traumatized to compile a list:  Best Laughs. (The laugh needs to have irony or layers of meaning, not just a reaction to something funny.)  I'm drawing a blank other than this one.

 

 - Arya's perfect reaction to learning Aunt Lysa is dead

Edited June 2, 2014 by TooMuchCoffee

[jjjmoss]

Best Deaths: 1. Ned - I am Eddard Stark, Lord of Winterfell and Hand of the King. 

Showed that even a protagonist can die. And it's the last time his daughters Sansa and Arya, the best characters on the show, were in a scene together (along with the 3rd-best Cersei). 

2. Joffrey - No you'll wait here.

Kicks off Sansa's escape. Very nice dramatic work from both Cersei and Joffrey's actors.
3. Lysa  - I lied for you, I killed for you. Why did you bring her here, why?

Kicks off Sansa's stepping into the game. Continues the slaughter of her family. Well-acted on the women's part, and even Gillen is more okay than usual.
4. Renly - Together, we can end this war in a fortnight.

Yes, black (or Red) magic! He's my favorite character who's gone, the only one I miss, part of the only male pairing I really care about (whether romantic, familial, or friendly), and part of the only romance I care about. But his death was necessary for the series to proceed as it has. 

End list, for now.

 

Speaking of, Best Pairings in terms of there being utterly (re/)watchable scenes.

1. Sansa/Cersei - Margaret of Anjou vs. Elizabeth I, if they lived at the same time. In my head at least.

2. Arya/Tywin - Basically the main time in the last 3 seasons that I was riveted by the storyline for Arya, who's the best S1 character but has spent a lot of time around dudes I don't care for.

3. <Sansa/Joffrey> - Not healthy or appropriate, but they had many interactions that led to Sansa's growth and which I think are great emotional bits.

4. Sansa/Tyrion - Lots of good stuff here: stopping her beating, the super-awkward wedding, tentatively being friendly, sympathy during the Purple Wedding. But in a platonic way only.

5. <Renly/Loras> - As I said before, the only "ship" I have.

10 more: Cersei/Tyrion, Cersei/Margaery, Sansa/Petyr, <Sansa/Lysa,> Arya/Jon

<Cersei/Joffrey,> Sansa/Margaery, Cersei/Tywin, Arya/Melisandre, Sansa/Shae

 

Best Episodic Character Storylines:

1. Sansa & Cersei, Blackwater - "The worst ones always live."

"The gods have no mercy, that's why they're gods."

2. Arya & Ned, Baelor - "Baelor."

3. Sansa, The Mountain and the Viper - "If they'd have executed you, what would they have done with me?”

4. Arya & Tywin, A Man Without Honor - "Have you met many stonemasons, my lord?"

5. Sansa and Tyrion, The Lion and the Rose - "We have a new queen."/"Better her than you."

6. Sansa, Garden of Bones - "I am loyal to King Joffrey, my one true love."
7. Sansa, Dark Wings Dark Words - "He's a monster."

8. Sansa & Cersei, A Man Without Honor - "Shouldn't I love Joffrey, Your Grace?"/"You can try, little dove."

9. Sansa and Tyrion, Second Sons - "I just-- just want to say I know how you feel."/"I doubt that very much, my lord."

10. Sansa, Fire and Blood - "Maybe he'll give me yours."

Edited June 10, 2014 by jjjmoss

[Maximum Taco]

Best Last Words
 
5. "Say her name! Say it!"
 
4. "Dany, please!"
 
3. "It's nothing."
 
2. "We can end this war in a fortnight."
 
1. "Mother."

[jjjmoss]

Of non-Sansa-centered scenes: T5 adaptations - Arya gets Needle (Kingsroad)

Ned dies (Baelor)

Renly dies (Ghost of Harrenhal)

Dragon burns slavemaster (And Now His Watch)

Joffrey dies (Lion and the Rose)

 

T5 originals - Renly/Loras “You would be a wonderful king” (The Wolf and the Lion)

Renly/Loras “I’ll make it up to you” (What is Dead May Never Die)

Arya/Tywin “Loyalty” (The Old Gods and the New)

Arya/Tywin “Have you met many stonemasons” (A Man without Honor)

Arya/Melisandre “I see a darkness in you” (The Climb)

Edited June 16, 2014 by jjjmoss

[Lady S.]

Update, y'all

Best Dramatic Character Deaths (a subjective list based on the deceased getting to say or do something significant/have a drawn out death. i.e., not a quick death by clean beheading, pillow, shadow assassin, dragonfire, or wildfire blast.)
 
20. Qhorin Halfhand: We are the watchers on the wall.
 
19. Maester Luwin: I pulled you into the world, both of you. I've seen your faces almost every day since, and for that, I consider myself very, very lucky.
 
18. Polliver: Carry me?
 
17. Lord Beric Dondarrion: He will, but not today. (may seem like cheating but there can be no resurrection without death first.)
 
16. Yoren: I always hated crossbows. Take too long to load.

15. Jojen Reed: Go with them.
 
14. Ygritte: You know nothing, Jon Snow. (might rank higher if not for cheesiness)

 

13. Lord Commander Jeor Mormont: The gods will curse us for this. ... Unhand her, I shall have your head for this. (see below)

12. Karl the Fooking Legend: You know what's wrong with honor? (see above. tbh, ranks higher for implications for other breakers of guest right.)

11. Pyp: I got one right through the heart! He's dead.

10. Shae: Tywin? My lion?
 
9. Ser Rodrik Cassel: I'm off to see your father.
 
8. Joffrey the bastard styling himself Baratheon:  *cough*It's nothing.*gasp*
 
7. King Viserys III Targaryen: You cannot touch me! I am the dragon! .... Dany, Dany, tell them.
 
6. Lady Lysa Tully Arryn Baelish: You want her? This empty-headed child?

5. Lord Tywin Lannister: You are no son of mine.
 
4., 3..&2. Grey Wind, King Robb Stark & Lady Catelyn Stark: On my honor as a Tully, on my honor as a Stark, let him go or I will cut your wife's throat. (Grey Wind got to jump and howl, so he meets my criteria better than Talisa.)
 
1. Prince Oberyn Martell: No, no, you can't die yet, you haven't confessed. .... Say her name! You raped her! You murdered her! You killed her children!

 

Grenn and Sandor didn't make the list for not actually being killed onscreen, but I loved Grenn's last words and badass end, and Sandor's last lines were pretty damn well done too. I appreciate how the last two eps worked to make my list an even 20.

Edited June 17, 2014 by Lady S.

[Tippi]

None of these characters are going to knock Tyrion out of top billing, but have managed to make big impressions.  Here are some of my favorite scene stealing sidekicks:

 

10.  Ellaria Sand - sexy consort whose scream launched a thousand tweets

  9.  Jojen - mysterious lad who led Bran to another world

  8.  Olenna - wily old Granny who knows what she wants and gets it

  7.  Bronn - charismatic sell sword who did alright for himself

  6.  Ygritte - the Wilding who loved the Crow

  5.  Melisandre - too creepy by half

  4.  Sam - Samwise?  Was that the guy from LOTR?

  3  Jorah - if the Khaleesi doesn't want you, come sit by me

  2.  Hound - I hated you in season 1 but loved you by season 4

  1.  Davos - Stannis's stand up good guy

[Independent George]

Varys is the ultimate scene-stealing sidekick, even if he barely had any scenes at all this season.

[Maximum Taco]

Varys is the ultimate scene-stealing sidekick, even if he barely had any scenes at all this season.

 

Is he a side-kick though? Whose side-kick is he?

 

He turns around and betrays everybody.

Edited June 17, 2014 by Maximum Taco

[Independent George]

Is he a side-kick though? Whose side-kick is he?

He turns around and betrays everybody.

Well, he's as much a sidekick as Olenna. He officially has very little real power compared to the people he plays with - but still somehow overshadows almost everyone else.

[CletusMusashi]

I wouldn't count Ygrette or The Hound as sidekicks. Sam Tarly is a sidekick. Ygrette was a very pissed off ex. And The Hound was part captor part partner.

Jojen was hardly a scene stealer. What about Osha and Hodor?

[Constantinople]

Murdered Kings Who Appeared On Screen

 

I hope I haven't forgotten anyone, but I probably have.

 

1. Drogo -  I was tempted to rank him lower since he went out with whimper, not a bang, but he kicked ass when he could sit on a horse.

 

2. Joffrey - Say what you will, but Joffrey never burned anyone alive, never crucified anyone and never locked someone up in a vault without food or water.  And he always brought the drama.

 

3. Mance Rayder - It's nice to stand on a point of principle, but the safety of his people should be a king's first duty, not his or their pride.

 

4. Renly - I don't think he would have been a good king, though he was good on the non-discrmination front, at least, among the highborn.  He might have won if Stannis & Melisandre hadn't used a cheat code.

 

5. Robb - Marrying Talisa was stupid.  Executing Lord Karstark was stupid.  Arguably trusting Balon Greyjoy was stupid (though Balon was so stupid he attacked the only other king who was fighting to break-up the Seven Kingdoms). 

 

6. Robert - Total suckage all around.

 

7. Xaro Xhoan Daxos - Very briefly King of Qarth.  Worst security staff ever.

 

8. Viserys - Ranked lowest because he was just king-in-exile.

[Holmbo]

Haha king of Qarth for like a day :D

That's true.

[Spartan Girl]

Top 5 Saddest Deaths:

1) Khal Drago: Dany having to put him out of his misery by smothering him with a pillow was heartbreaking

2)  Ned Stark

3) Everyone at the Red Wedding

4) Ygriette

5) Syrio: Yes we didn't actually see him die, but he was such a cool character and it was such a shame to see him go.  But you've got to admire him for putting up a hell of a fight with a wooden sword against all those real swords!

 

Top 5 Most Graphic Death Scenes

1) Oberyn: I still don't like to think about that one.

2) Talisa getting stabbed in the womb at the Red Wedding

3) Viserys getting his "golden crown"

4) Joffrey: As much as we all wanted to see him die a slow painful death, the way his face turned purple and nose bled was just ghastly.

5) The guy Dany set on fire with her infamous "Dracarys" command.

[rockpaperscissors]

I'm still too traumatized to compile a list:  Best Laughs. (The laugh needs to have irony or layers of meaning, not just a reaction to something funny.)  I'm drawing a blank other than this one.

 

 - Arya's perfect reaction to learning Aunt Lysa is deadHow

Robert and Cersi in "The Wolf and The Lion"

Robert: 'Sometimes I don't know what holds it together'

Cersei: 'Our marriage'

Robert and then Cersei both laugh.

[Independent George]

Best Last Words

 

5. "Say her name! Say it!"

 

4. "Dany, please!"

 

I'll have to check the transcript, but I'm pretty sure their last words were actually, "Yeaaahrrrrrgghhhh!!!!!" and "Aaaagggggghhhh!!!". Or maybe I'm getting them reversed.

[Maximum Taco]

I'll have to check the transcript, but I'm pretty sure their last words were actually, "Yeaaahrrrrrgghhhh!!!!!" and "Aaaagggggghhhh!!!". Or maybe I'm getting them reversed.

 

Techically not words. I mean they are not scrabble legal anyway.

[Constantinople]

Boat/Ship Rides - A Baker's Dozen

 

I've probably missed some, but here's what came to mind

 

13. Theon sailing home to the Iron Islands
Pyke may be nice to look at from a distance, but the Iron Islanders suck, and I really don't need to see Theon have sex.

 

12. Yara sails to rescue her brother
I like Yara, but this was the Edsel of Viking raids.  The II's 50 finest killers can't take out a guy with no armor.

 

11. Davos rescued after the Battle of Blackwater

The only onboard scene was inside

 

10. Gendry & Melisandre sail past King's Landing

Another nice, but no big deal, scene

 

9. Jaime and Bronn sailing to Dorne.
I liked it but there didn't see anything particularly special about the scene waterwise

 

8. Arya sails into Bravos
Been there / done that, and rowing to the House of B&W was no big deal

 

7. Brienne & Jaime rowboating in the Riverlands
Ranked relatively low because they didn't spent that much time in the boat.

 

6. Dontos, Sansa & Littlefinger after Joffrey
What can I say, I like fog.  Aside from the Battle of Blackwater, might be the only time someone died on water.

 

5. Tyrion & Jorah rowing to Mereen
Someone here pointed out that it sounded as if Tyrion was singing the Meow Mix commercial when he was gagged.

 

4. Stannis & Davos sailing to the Stormlands and King's Landing in Season Two
S & D had a number of scenes aboard ship in Season 2, so I've lumped them together.  Sure, some of the talk between them was exposition dump, but I like it when they chat.  Plus watching Davos watch the wildfire in Blackwater Bay was cool.

 

3. Stannis and Davos sail into Braavos
First time we see the Titan of Braavos.  First time we wonder if people traditionally look-up the first time they sail into Braavos.

 

2. Daenerys, Jorah and what's left of her khalasar sail into Astapor
The way the dragon flew out of the water with a fish in its mouth, tossed the fish in the air, and then toasted it with dragon fire and ate it was %*%$#@! awesome.  I want to go to that restaurant.

 

1. Gendry rowing away from Dragonstone
Because it's the boat ride that never ends

 

Not Ranked
1. Tyrion & Varys flee to Pentos - Because we saw the before and after the ride, but not really the during

2. Theon's first ship - Because it was all before the ride

3. Daenerys, Drogo, Viserys, Jorah et al riding around in Season 1 - Because the phrase "Dothraki sea" is a metaphor

4. Davos rows Melisandre ashore - Because I just remembered it and I don't feel like re-ranking anything.

[Constantinople]

Update: Re-ranked to reflect Lady S.'s and Oscirus comments

Ser Arthur Dayne's demise led me to remember that there's a long trandition in GoT of stabbing people in the back to kill them rather than killing them honorably face-to-face.  Often the "backstabber" is trying to help out an over matched friend or ally.

Here, ranked from worst to first, are the backstabbers.

I'm referring to literal backstabbers, or least striking from behinders.  Metaphorical backstabbers, like Roose Bolton, Littlefinger and just about everyone else are another subject.

There are likely other examples I've forgotten about, for which I apologize.

11. Rast kills Lord Commander Mormont when the later confronts Karl Tanner during the NW mutiny at Craster's Keep
Ranked last because Rast & Karl suck eggs and because you're not supposed to backstab to help the bad guy; you're supposed to back stab to help the good guy not the bad guy.

10. Sand Snakes & Trystane on the boat ride to KL
Second-to-last because ultimately, who really gives an F?***  I didn't even bother to look up the Snakes' names to find out who was facing Trystane head on and who stabbed him from behind.  And I didn't shed any tears for that Lannister loving Trystane

9. Armored pit fighter stabs the swordsman with a sword to Jorah's throat

Remember when Jorah was getting his ass kicked in the pit fights just before all hell broke loose?  Ranked relatively low because the armored pit fighter wasn't trying to help Jorah but to help himself by taking out what appeared to be the stronger of the two other remaining fighters

8. Daario kills the Dothraki putting a beat down on Jorah's ass
It was nice of Daario to save Jorah, but Daario gets dinged points for cheating by taking a knife with him into Vaes Dothrak

7. Theon kills the Bolton soldier just before he can kill Pod

Ranked relatively low because, let's face it, Pod hasn't been bringing it lately.  I think the last useful thing he did was in Season 4 when he told Brienne they should look for Lysa Arryn's niece in the Vale of Arryn or perhaps spotting Sansa with Littlefinger at the start of Season 5.  I don't have anything against Pod, but at the moment he's superfluous.

6. Random Lannister soldier stabs Ned in the leg before Jaime can finish Ned off in front of LF's brothel.
Ranked in the bottom half because Rando didn't finish the job and because it doesn't fit the classical pattern.  This dipshit was trying to help the overdog.  Punching that jackass in the face was one of the few things Jaime did of which I ever approved.

5. One of Craster's wives stabs Karl in the back before he can finish off Jon Snow
It's all about situational awareness Karl.

4. Podrick takes out Mandon Moore before he can turn Tyrion into kiblets
On the one hand, you're supposed to fight face-to-face.  On the other, a squire should defend his lord/knight by whatever means necessary.  Extra points for getting him in the back of the head

3. Theon shoots the wildling holding a knife to Bran's throat

Robb was wrong.  Theon did the right thing.  Ranked highly because it appears Bran will have an important role in fighting the White Walkers, whether directly or indirectly.  I say appears because, however interesting his flashbacks have been, they're still essentially an exposition dump.  Ranked below  Howland Reed / Ned / Ser Arthur Dayne because no Ned, no Bran.

2. Howland Reed saves Ned's life at the ToJ by saying good night to the Sword of the Morning
A pioneer not only in backstabbing, not only in backstabbing a Kingsguard, but in backstabbing the finest swordsman of the land.  The Hound would have been suitably impressed with Howland's no bullshit approach.

Ordinarily, taking about the finest swords man of the land would land you at Number 1, but Howland has some stiff competition.

Click here to see the finest backstabber in all of Westeros (not an actual spoiler since the scene has already aired, I just want the result to be a surprise)

Spoiler

1. Sam kills a White Walker before it can kidnap Gilly's baby and turn it into a blue-eyed freak
The Walker may not have killed Gilly, and Sam kind of fluked out, but he still tried and he still took out a Walker, making Sam the most BAMFing backstabber in the land.  When you're going to be a bear, be a grizzly.

Not ranked: Theon and the other 2 Iron Islanders at Moat Cailin because the guy who axed in the head from behind wasn't fighting or about to fight Theon, he was just talking to him.

*** Criticizing TV Dorne shouldn't be taken as an endorsement of Book Dorne, which I find equally pointless and boring, albeit in a different way.

Edited May 19, 2016 by Constantinople
Edited to include back stabbings mentioned by Lady S. & Oscirus in subsequent posts

[Lady S.]

Haha, I actually thought about reviving this thread after Daario gave us another backstabbing last night. You have a more complete list than I would've remembered but missed Theon saving Pod by stabbing the Bolton hunter and Theon saving Bran by killing the wildling with a knife to his throat. (If shooting with an arrow counts as backstabbbing, which I guess would also cover Olly killing Ygritte.)

[Constantinople]

55 minutes ago, Lady S. said:

Haha, I actually thought about reviving this thread after Daario gave us another backstabbing last night. You have a more complete list than I would've remembered but missed Theon saving Pod by stabbing the Bolton hunter and Theon saving Bran by killing the wildling with a knife to his throat. (If shooting with an arrow counts as backstabbbing, which I guess would also cover Olly killing Ygritte.)

Good catches.  Thanks.  If I'm not feeling to lazy, I'll re-rank the list.

Now that you've mentioned Theon,  I wonder if grabbing Myranda from behind and shoving her off the rampart counts.  It wasn't a stab or a poke, but it was an attack from behind so I'm inclined to include it.  To think that Theon saved 2 Starks.

[Oscirus]

Would the guy axing the guy who refused Theon's deal from behind count?

[jjjmoss]

Best Scene of each episode:

S6 - 1 Sansa accepts the service of Brienne
2 Sansa says goodbye to Theon
3 Jon kills his killers
4 Sansa reunites with Jon+
5 Sansa confronts Petyr+
6 Margaery finds a way out of her imprisonment
7 Sansa tries to convince Jon to keep looking for men
8 Cersei refuses to go to the High Sparrow
9 Sansa watches Ramsay die+
10 Margaery tries to get everyone out but to no avail+

S5 - 1 Sansa leaves the Eyrie
2 Sansa meets Brienne
3 Margaery and Cersei have a nice conversation about Tommen
4 Margaery tells Tommen to free Loras
5 Sansa sees Theon
6 Margaery lies for Loras
7 Margaery yells at Cersei
8 Sansa learns her brothers are alive
9 Dany flies away
10 Cersei takes a walk

S4 - 1 Sansa mourns her family 
2 Cersei watches her son die
3 Sansa escapes King’s Landing
4 Margaery and Olenna have a chat about Joffrey
5 Sansa is interrogated by Lysa
6 Tyrion has a speech
7 Sansa watches her aunt die
8 Sansa lies for Petyr
9 Ygritte dies
10 Arya meets Brienne

S3 - 1 Margaery visits orphans
2 Sansa tells the truth about Joffrey
3 Arya says goodbye to Hot Pie
4 Dany burns people 
5 Sansa and Margaery chat about Loras
6 Sansa and Loras chat
7 Sansa and Margaery chat about Tyrion
8 Sansa and Tyrion’s wedding night
9 Cat and Robb die
10 Sansa and Tyrion bond a bit

S2 - 1 Sansa saves Dontos
2 Arya tells Gendry who she is
3 Margaery proposes a compromise with Renly
4 Sansa is beaten until Tyrion stops it
5 Renly dies
6 Arya chats with Tywin
7 Sansa gets a chat with Cersei when she flowers
8 Cersei and Tyrion have a confrontation
9 Sansa’s first scene with Cersei+
10 Sansa learns she is to still be a prisoner

S1 - 1 Sansa meets Cersei
2 Arya gets a sword from Jon
3 Arya starts to learn how to use a sword
4 Sansa learns about the Cleganes
5 Renly and Loras talk about Renly being a king
6 Sansa’s words make Ned realize a truth
7 Cersei arrests Ned
8 Sansa begs for her father’s life
9 Sansa and Arya watch their father die
10 Dany’s dragons are born.

Some of these I had to dig a bit, but luckily there's often some Sansa scene to fall back on. For two-thirds of the episodes she's in, she's in my favorite scene. Her power.