Explain it to Me Like I'm Lily: Recaps for the Disenchanted

[peacheslatour]

Plus the whole "love potion" thing.  Does Jabot even have a legal dept.?  Can you guys imagine the ethical and health implications of such a powerful drug?  Yes, I say drug.  It's a substance that causes people to act against their wills.  No different than a date rape drug only instead of being put into drinks, it's floating through the air that everyone breathes.  Talk about second hand smoke.

Edited October 24, 2014 by peacheslatour

[AuntieChuck]

“GASP!” says Ian.

Best line yet in the recaps. Literally made me laugh out loud.

[peach]

Tue, Oct 21   

 

Neil and Hilary are back from their NY dinner that feels like it was a month ago.  It turns out they haven’t been intimate since Neil’s accident, because blindness is such an obstacle to that.  Neil laments that they GOT CHEATED out of a honeymoon, if by that he means he REFUSED to take her on one, and if he had, he probably wouldn’t be blind right now.  But they can recreate their wedding night right now!  Please start with a shower.

 

Cane is back at the club with Devon, who claims he’s sorry Cane got dragged into this.  Cane says sorry’s not gonna cut it.  “What do you want from me?” pouts Devon.  “I want you to stay away from Hilary.”  Cane can’t believe he’s actually glad Neil’s blind so he didn’t have to witness Devon in bed with her.  Devon’s like, you’re not going to tell him, are you?  There’s no reason to [bust me] hurt Neil right now when D and H have promised not to screw anymore.  Cane’s like, yeah, right.  “So, basically, you’re asking me to keep lying to my wife, and keep lying to my father-in-law.”  Basically.  Cane doesn’t know if he can do that.

 

Lauren and Lily brainstorm cheesy ideas for the upscale boutique.  Lauren wonders where Michael is, since she’s waiting for another romantic evening with him and his bottle of pills.

 

Michael’s at the doc’s office.  He asks why the doctor doesn’t just come out and say it’s cancer.  Because it might not be.  Blah blah medical conditions.  But they need to find out, and they need to do it NOW. 

 

Avery introduces Dylan to Joe.  Dylan says he should have recognized him.  “You mean from the pictures of me and Avery on the nightstand next to our bed.”   Burn.  Honest, decent Dylan doesn’t know what to say.

 

Nikki blows up at Paul for disrupting his worship of her.  “Are you KIDDING me?  I help you in a sting to catch Ian, and instead of THANKING me, you accuse me of falling off the wagon??”  Paul’s like, pretty much.   What’s he supposed to think when a woman shows up with vodka, ready to party?  Nikki’s like that’s that trashy Maureen Russell, and they just had a conversation earlier and she wanted to continue it over drinks.  “Why drinks?” asks Paul.  Nikki claims it was just a friendly gesture, and Mo doesn’t know she’s a recovering alcoholic.  She caught Nikki going in the suite, and Nikki TRIED to get rid of her!  Paul suggests she could try harder.  “What exactly are you accusing me of?” she demands.

 

Victor finally remembers that Maureen is the one who thought Nikki’s name was Sherry.  Maureen says she had an occasion to speak to Nikki, that’s how she knows all about her.  Victor’s like, why would YOU have occasion to speak to my superior wife?  It turns out, they have something in COMMON.

 

Dylan looks up at Joe and says he’s sure he’s been waiting a long time to get that off his chest, and if he has anything else to say, that’s fine, but don’t put Avery in the middle.  “Avery’s always been in the middle,” says Joe.  Avery says let’s not do this!  Joe breaks a bit of a smile and says he has no reason to be contentious.  “Then you should have kept quiet,” scolds Avery.  STFU, cheaters! 

 

Joe admits he spent hours having imaginary conversations with Dylan, but now that he sees him, he’s really over it.  We’ve all made new lives, so why not move on, while I quietly destroy you.  It’s over.  Avery hopes Joe means that.  He says he’s learned a lot since they’ve been married.  Dylan asks why he’s in GC, and Avery quickly says he’s just doing real estate business.  Joe’s like, huh, he thought she would have told Dylan when he got there, a week ago, while Dylan was in jail.  Avery’s like, rats.

 

Michael needs tests.  He has to clear his very important calendar first.  The doctor stresses he do it for Lauren and his son.

 

Paul can’t really imagine any reason for Nikki to be hanging out with Stitch and Kelly’s mother after all the pain they caused Victoria.  Nikki says yeah, ya caught me.  She and Maureen have started a speakeasy and they make hooch in the bathtub.  She’s still not fooling Paul.  All that “you understand me better than anyone” stuff isn’t working in her favor this time. 

 

She supposes he thinks she was lying about that drink at the club for a no show guest.  “WERE you lying?” asks Paul.  She’s offended.  After everything they went through for THEIR SON, she thought she’d earned his full trust, but apparently she was mistaken.  She starts to leave, but Paul stops her.  Please.  Don’t.  Nikki deploys a haughty side-eye.

 

Maureen tells Victor she’s Stitch and Kelly’s mom.  He drops her hand and says, whoa!  Like she’s Mama June or something.  He thinks it’s a weird coincidence that she would run into his wife, in the club they all hang out in every day.  Mo likes to think it’s for a cosmic reason, what with Stitch maybe being the father of Victoria’s child.  “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” says Victor.  He thinks she’s getting a little ahead of herself.  She says but it won’t be long now. 

 

So she knows where Nikki is?  Yep, she’s at a long charity meeting upstairs.  She starts to leave, and Victor asks if she has time for another drink.  Mo always has time for that.  He leans over and says why don’t you tell me the truth now?  Suspicious Victor thinks her striking up a friendship with Nikki was not an accident, that she’s trying to advocate for her son, to get Victoria to forgive him.  Maureen says her son doesn’t need her to fight his battles…ALTHOUGH, she’d be totally for Stitch and Victoria hooking up again.  He totally loves her.

 

So he led Victor to believe, along with the idea that he was upstanding citizen.  He was pretty excited about this doctor/war hero combo himself, so imagine his disappointment at finding out Stitch was a convicted murderer.  Poor Victor.  Maureen says it was a terrible tragedy for the whole family.  He says that doesn’t mitigate the fact that he has hurt his daughter.  He leans in threateningly and throaty whispers that anyone who has hurt his family, he will never forget.  And he rarely forgives.  So have a nice day.  Mo’s not the least bit intimidated.  Nothing a match couldn’t fix. 

 

Paul doesn’t want Nikki to go away angry thinking he’s doubting her.  Well, THAT’S WHAT HE’S DOING.  He’s just worried about all the pressure ever since Katherine sent her on the search for OUR SON Dylan, and then all this drama with Ian Ward.  Plus Victor’s been out of town.  Nikki admits that makes things easier, not harder.   Wait til he finds out they were setting up Ian.  She assures Paul that she is NOT on any kind of downward spiral.

 

Christine pops in.  Oh, looky, Nikki’s still here, yay.  Paul says they’re just taking a victory lap.  Chris says all the charges against Dylan are dropped and expunged.  And Ian’s going to prison for a long, long time.  Paul gleefully kisses Chris and says they make a hell of a team!  She’s like whatever.  Maureen calls Nikki.  She says she saw Victor but kept her confidence about her “extracurricular” activity and told him she was at a charity meeting.  And he’s on the way home.  Nikki heads out.

 

Cane and Devon wave to Lily across the room.  Devon’s getting desperate now.  He says what good will it do to tell LILY what he saw in New York?  Just forget the whole thing!  Lily hugs Cane and asks if Hilary was super excited that Dad showed up?  It was more of surprise than he expected, says Cane.  Devon realizes his phone fell out of his pocket, so he goes to call it from the bar.

 

Neil’s ready to take his time with Hilary, and recreate every glorious moment of their wedding night.  Hilary says she can’t.  She, um…has a report due to Jack.  Neil’s like…seriously?  It sounds like she’s trying to get rid of him.  Devon’s phone starts ringing!  Neil recognizes it!  Hilary pretends she has the SAME ringtone as Devon, isn’t that funny!  She pretends it’s Jack calling and promises to get that report done.   Devon apologizes for putting her in this position, but not really.

 

Michael meets Lauren at the club and says he’s on his third wind, so let’s go upstairs, baby.  These two go at it more than Lily and Cane.

 

Joe apologizes for making things awkward.  Dumb Dylan can’t pick up on Joe meaning the opposite of most things he says, and says he didn’t make things awkward!  He knows Avery didn’t mention it because they were a little busy this week.  Joe’s appearance fell through the cracks because she was focused on putting away Ian Ward.  They explain that he was never dead, they just had to prove it.  So, Dylan was innocent the whole time. 

 

Joe looks at Avery with interest and says, “So you being worried about Dylan, that was all an act?”  It sure was.  Dylan puts his arm around her and says they pulled it off together with their amazing togetherness.  Joe’s like, wow, you guys are super good liars.  He’s just so relieved to hear Avery didn’t end up with a murderer.  He’d hate to see her with someone not worthy of her.  Dylan starts picking up that maybe Joe means him.  Joe apologizes for coming to Avery’s partner, and he’ll find someone else.  Avery thinks that’s silly, she doesn’t mind.  Dylan’s like, wait, what?  Joe shakes his hand and says congratulations on the get out of jail free card.  He leaves.  Dylan says, “So.  When were you going to tell me your ex was in town?” 

 

Nikki gets home and zombie walks into the living room where she admires the vodka bottle.  Victor appears.  Baby, he’s so glad you’re finally home.  She had a long, strenuous day.  He says her best friend of the moment, Maureen, said she was at a charity meeting.  Oh, Nikki just made that up because Mo was interfering with a police operation.  Nikki was being used as bait to catch Ian Ward.  “WHAT??  I thought that sonofabitch was dead!”  Nikki proudly informs him that Ian is very much alive, and in jail, and SHE help put him there.  So there.  Victor is stunned.

 

Devon staggers back to Cane’s table.  Cane’s like, let me guess, you lost your phone in New York.   Devon says Hilary managed to cover for him.  Cane says he is DONE enabling Devon and Hilary.  No more.  He walks away.  Devon looks worried.  Cane approaches Lily like they have to talk, but they’re interrupted with Smooth Joe Superman walks in and leans on the bar.  Cane asks how it went with Michael, and Joe drops the bomb that he used to be married to Avery.  And it wasn’t exactly a happy ending.

 

Avery is like, are you the same Dylan McAvoy who just backed me up to Joe?  Who said we were in the middle of a sting?  Or was that just for the benefit of her ex-husband.  OF COURSE IT WAS!  She’s like, you gotta be kidding me!  He’s like, you gotta be kidding ME!  In all those jailhouse visits she couldn’t take 20 seconds to say her ex moved back to town?  Avery’s like he DIDN’T, he’s here briefly and going back to Chicago.  See, that was less than 20 seconds, says Dylan.  Avery says there was nothing to tell!  He’s leaving!  Then why does he need a local lawyer?!  How the hell does Avery know, they should be CELEBRATING catching Ian Ward, and….he grabs her and kisses her.  “You’re right.  This is a great day, and I don’t want to ruin it being stupid.”  They make out.

 

Paul and Christine flirt.  He gets hot watching her go toe to toe with the bad guys.  But what he REALLY loves is her going along with his Brilliant Plan, and saving Dylan, so he wants to thank her for that.  Kiss kiss.  Chris can’t just say “you’re welcome” and says she wants to [ruin the moment] get something straight.  She only went along because it was a smart plan, not because he’s her husband or Dylan’s his son.  And she did it despite her misgivings about Nikki.  “She really came through,” says Paul.  Not without Paul’s help, she bitches.  He says she’s been through a difficult time.  Well, there’s something more going on with Nikki, who finally isn’t there while he’s trying to kiss HER, and if he can’t see that, then he’s lying to himself.  What a fun celebration!

 

Victor asks why he wasn’t in the loop?!  Nikki says why wasn’t I in the loop when you decided to pass on our son’s WEDDING?  They argue about her amazing exploits and how she hopes his own business was HALF as worthwhile, especially since he wasn’t AROUND.  He’s like, wait a minute.  Does he have to remind her that he OFFERED to stay behind, and she ENCOURAGED him to go?!  Looks like it, because she was drunk that day.  He blusters that she’s not been herself and PaulWilliams should never have dragged her into this!  She’s mad because everything worked out perfectly, so why can’t he just be happy for her?!  He’s like why are we even arguing?  Let’s just sit down and discuss it.  She’s EXHAUSTED, okay, so they can talk in the morning.  She walks out, and Victor ponders.

 

Lauren and Michael BLEW EACH OTHER’S MINDS, you guys.  She says what do you call it when a couple as old as they are can’t keep their hands off each other??  A TV show.  Michael calls it BEING ALIVE.  Not dead, nope, not that.  Lauren finally begs for mercy.  She takes a shower, and Michael frets.  He calls and schedules  his tests with an after hours test scheduler which is also only on a TV show.

 

Nikki comes back into the living room.  She doesn’t see Victor so she makes an approach on the vodka bottle.  Ugh, that annoying Maureen calls.  She just wanted to see if Nikki’s okay.  Sherry gets up on her high horse and sanctimoniously informs Maureen that she doesn’t need to LIE to her husband for her…they don’t keep any secrets from each other, except for 95% of what they do all day.  “How very progressive of you,” says Maureen.  She says the offer still stands if she ever needs a friend, or a friendly DRINK.  Pish posh, nice talking to you.  She throws the phone down and walks over to her bar.  She stares at a photo of her with Victor and starts pissily chugging vodka.

 

Paul tells Chris that if Nikki’s turning to him it’s because she’s got nowhere else to go.  She’s like, she can turn to her CHILDREN or FRIENDS who are not YOU.  Victor comes storming in!  What’s this he hears about him using Nikki for bait to catch Ian Ward?  “Are you crazy or what??”  Paul tells him to take it easy.  “IWILLDONOSUCHTHING!  WHAT KIND OF COCKAMAMIE OPERATION ARE YOU RUNNING HERE?”  Chris is like, Ian’s IN CUSTODY.  She thought he’d be thanking them!  “Ineedamomentalonewithyourhusband!”  She leaves.  Paul says before he says anything, there’s something he needs to know about Nikki.

 

Dylan apologizes for being so silly and jealous over her big, gorgeous ex-husband he stole her from.  They have it all.  Blah blah.  They decide to go “confer” in the new conference room.  I’m sure Michael will really appreciate it.

 

Joe’s still leaning on the bar finishing his Avery story.  He’s not blaming anyone, it just wasn’t meant to be.  Kind of like Crimson Lights.  He says he actually met Dylan today.  It was a little rough at first, but it all ended okay.  He’s glad Avery’s happy.  Lily thinks that’s very noble of him considering they were dirty cheaters.  He says infidelity always has more than one reason or person to blame, and sometimes it works out for the best.  Cane doesn’t realize this is total bullshit, and he looks at Devon sympathetically, who is drowning his sorrows with scotch.

 

Hilary finally bathed, and slips out of the bathroom quietly so she can sneak into bed without waking up Neil.  Didn’t work.  Gosh, she’s so tired.  He keeps kissing her, and notices how not into it she is.  “Can you just…hold me tonight?”  He’s like, um, okay.  So he holds her and says, “Oh baby, my baby, I’ve got you.”  There’s no rush.  Poor, blind Neil.

 

Paul lectures Victor that the past few months have taken a toll on her, and he needs to stop taking all these stupid trips and focus on his commitment to his wife! She needs him here!  Victor tells Paul not to lecture him about what his wife does or doesn’t need.  HE KNOWS what she needs.  She needs a lime.  “You worry about YOUR marriage,” spits Victor as he leaves.  Chris comes in and gives Paul her best judgmental, sad stare.

 

Nikki waltzes around the living room with her fancy glass of vodka like she’s in a play.  “So long, Ian Ward!  You thought you were going to destroy me, didn’t you?” she slurs.  “Take a gooood look.  I’m still standing.”  She leans on a chair.  “Oh yes, I am still standing.”

[movinon]

 

Victor tells Paul not to lecture him about what his wife does or doesn’t need.  HE KNOWS what she needs.  She needs a lime.  “You worry about YOUR marriage,” spits Victor as he leaves.

I enjoyed the hell out of this scene and the earlier one when Nikki walked out on Victor and told him she would discuss in in the morning.  I really hate that she has to drink to stand up to him, but it's worth it to watch.  Especially, since in an interview some time ago, EB said he didn't like the way the writing was allowing Nikki to talk back to him.  She's doing a bang-up job of it, right now. Go, Nikki!!!

[peach]

Wed, Oct 22

 

Nick comes barging in to Victor’s office.  I miss the beard.  He demands to know why every time he calls Victor it goes to voicemail.  Because he was out of town on business, duh.  He doesn’t get service outside of Genoa City.  Nick wants to know if he found what he was looking for, a way to get Sharon out of his life.  Victor looks at him, like, who me?

 

Madam Isadora makes house calls!  She arrives at Sharon’s to do her reading.  Sharon admits she’s a bit of a skeptic which is why she made an urgent appointment with a department store psychic.  But she is willing to do ANYTHING to keep from losing the man she loves.  Cha-ching!

 

Summer mopes over refined carbohydrates with Noah at Crimson Lights.  She doesn’t think she can stomach much of anything right now.  Noah’s like, omg, are you pregnant??  NO, she’s just worried about her mom.  Noah’s like WHEW!!  Summer whines about everyone freaking out over her marriage just because she’s 19.  Noah thinks once Phyllis has time, everything will smooth over.  “My mom?  Phyllis My Way And Only My Way So Help Me God Newman?”  She thinks not.  Hey, you’re the one who wanted her back.

 

Jack escorts Phyllis to her follow-up appointment at the hospital, but she’s had enough of him acting like she’s made out of glass.  He will try to stop tip-toeing around her.  She doesn’t understand WHAT he’s trying to protect her from.

 

Stitch runs into Kelly at the club where she’s feverishly looking for a guest list she misplaced.  He tells her to slow down, but if she does she’ll start to think about “other things” like how the hell she’s going to get her stuff out from under Phyllis’ nose.  On top of that, she has MOM lurking around.  Does that woman ever stop asking questions?? Nope, says Stitch.  How is Kelly supposed to tell her where she stands with Jack when all she gets are mixed signals.  Join the club, says Stitch.  They’re both going through hell.  Ashley shows up.  She’s so sorry to keep Stitch waiting.  Kelly looks quite surprised.

 

Nick and Victor have a boring conversation about The Secret.  Instead of meddling in Nick’s life, Victor should have been home, like when Mom was using herself as bait to trap a psycho.  Victor’s like big deal.  Nick says he can think and act for himself.  “No, son, you’re allowing Sharon to make a fool of you!”

 

Mariah walks in The Underground and tells Kevin that Ian is behind bars, so he can stop shadowing her every move.  He says dropping her off at work was the least he could do after kidnapping her from the coffee house yesterday.  She says the LEAST he could have done was get separate rooms at that motel across town.  He was TRYING to keep her SAFE.  She claims she’d rather take her chances with her crazy, cult leader husband.  Kevin was expecting a little gratitude, but he guesses that’s too much for her after he saved her from a dangerous situation.  Austin walks up.  “You were in danger?”  Yo, it’s a long story.  What she wants is to forget last night ever happened.   Kevin just don’t get no respect.

 

Kelly hints that Stitch has found “the key” to his “puzzle” with Ashley.  Stitch insists they’re just having a meeting.  Yeah, Ashley thought the club would be a much better place for their meeting than the LAST place that ended up with them getting arrested and splashed over the GC Buzz.  What a crazy night THAT was.  Having a meeting at the office would just be weird.  Ashley’s glad that the press is losing interest in their fascinating lives while they try to launch their product.  The last thing she needs is them talking about their police records.  Oof.  Kelly excuses herself, but Ashley says that when it comes to that “puzzle,” her brother’s trying to figure it out as well.  Kooky Kelly smiles at this ray of hope.  Ashley just hates Phyllis, Kelly, don't get too excited.

 

Jack says the doctors are firm about not stressing Phyllis out.   Then she wants him to stop stressing her out by being so careful about everything he says.  They talk about Summer and Austin.  Phyllis says she and Austin came to a mutual understanding that he will stab Jack in the back to get her approval.   She insists that she’s strong enough to handle anything.  KELLY calls.  Jack takes it in the hallway.

 

Kelly  thinks she left that file at his house.  He tells her he’ll be at the hospital for a while, so she can go over and get it.  He tells her he meant his message.  Nothing can erase their time together.  She misses him.  He misses her, too.  Okay, bye!

 

Ashley notices Stitch is kind of subdued.   He must be worried about that police record she brought up.  He knows she went out on a limb for him.  She wants to ease his mind with her own stories of law enforcement.  “I’ve been arrested for murder…and I actually went to prison for attempted murder,” she says with a smile.  Gee, small world!  She was innocent, of course.   She was just trying to protect the people she loves from going to prison.  Stitch is totally feeling this.  “If the people you took the rap for hadn’t come forward…would you have kept the truth to yourself?”  Absolutely.  There’s nothing she wouldn’t do to protect her family.  Stitch nods.

 

Phyllis notices Jack’s been preoccupied since he got that phone call, so he should go do some business.   She needs to be in control of SOMETHING in her life, so please go back to work.  It would make her happier than anything, so Jack agrees as long as she promises to call him as soon as the tests are over so he can pick her up.  They kiss, and he leaves.  Just then the nurse comes out and says they have to RESCHEDULE the tests.  Phyllis is like, oh, darn, guess I’ll have to do something else.

 

Summer feels guilty about not telling her mom about getting married.  Noah asks if Jack told her about Kelly yet.  No way.  Noah feels bad for Jack, but Summer doesn’t.  If he had listened to her and not given up on Mom he wouldn’t be in this situation.  Noah’s like, it had been a YEAR.  He’s Team Jack on this one. 

 

Mariah doesn’t want to share details with Austin.  She’s great, drop it.  He says she can clean the floors then, since she’s great!  She asks what the deal is with his new mother-in-law.  She’s uh…great.  Mariah wants to know how she took it that he kidnapped her sister at gunpoint.  Yeah, they didn’t tell her that yet.  The first meet and greet didn’t go so well.  Mariah says he’s got to stop caring what other people think.  Life is so much easier when you don’t give a crap.  He calls out her poser attitude.  If she didn’t care what people think, what was she doing at Shick’s wedding?  She’s like, look how well that turned out.   It was a real happy family memory.

 

Madam Isadora lights candles.  Sharon says she lost a memory when she had ECT, and not even hypnosis could bring it back.  So can MI tell her whether or not she’ll have a future with Nick?  She’s a PSYCHIC, not a fortune teller.  When are these people going to get it straight?  She doesn’t know how things are going to play out, she just gets insight from a person’s wallet, I mean, energy.  She takes Sharon by the hand.  Oh my!!  She feels…GUILT.  Wow, that was some amazing insight.  I guess Sharon’s secret must be in the basement of the Alamo.

 

Sharon’s like GUILT?!  Is it something she DID? Is it something about NICK?  Hey, she’s just tapping into the emotions radiating from Sharon, and right now she’s picking up on an overwhelming amount of anxiety.  Mariah could have told her that for free.  Sharon’s ANXIOUS because she has GUILT.  MI says she doesn’t necessarily have CAUSE for guilt, but she has a dam inside her and cracks are forming.  Soon it will all come tumbling down.  Thanks, Madam Obvious.

 

Victor asks Nick if he’s SURE he doesn’t want to know what Sharon’s hiding.  NO, he DOESN’T.  Phyllis drops in.  Gosh, Phyllis and Nick are happy for each other’s wellness, blah blah.  But Nick doesn’t think his father’s breach of ethics should be applauded!  He knows about him tricking Summer, yet another example of him meddling in other people’s lives.  “If I hadn’t been ‘meddling’ Summer would still be talking to her mother’s comatose right hand.”   If you had just ASKED, says Nick.  “If I had just ASKED, all kinds of people would have OB-JECTED.  Most of all JackAbbott.”  Everyone should be thanking Victor!   Well, Nick is sure as hell not thanking him for trying to break up Shick!  He leaves.  Some things never change, says Phyllis.  Victor sighs.  “You mean my son’s temper?”  That, and Victor trying to run his life.  Victor says he continues to make his own decisions, and bad ones at that.  But he thinks in this case, he’ll decide to throw Sharon to the curb…once he finds out what Phyllis knows.

 

Kevin runs into Noah and Summer.  He asks about when Daniel is coming back.  Nobody knows because he’s so unreachable in his artists colony on the moon, because of Grandpa.  Noah’s like, hey, how about Grandma busting Ian Ward in a sting?  “Go, Grandma!” says Summer.  She asks if Kevin was in on it.  He was busy keeping Mariah safe during it all.  Summer’s like, why?  Um, because psycho Ian kidnapped her?  She’s fine, though, he dropped her off at work.  Summer’s like, omg, she’s at work?!  A woman is near my husband?!  She has to go stalk, I mean, DO something and rushes off.  Noah’s like, so what’s up with you and my sister?  My sister, MARIAH.  Is there anything he needs to know about that?  Kevin smirks.

 

Austin needs advice.  Phyllis wants him to fill her in on what she’s missed, but that will screw over Jack, but if he doesn’t, then Phyllis will hold it against him.  Either way he makes an enemy, so it’s a no-win.  Mariah’s like, give up.  No matter what he does, he will screw it up with someone, so just give up.

 

Kelly’s at the house getting her file, and Jack shows up.  He thought they could talk.  He never meant to hurt her.  But he IS hurting her!  Every message and apology is like a knife to her heart!  Sometimes she wishes he would just say it wasn’t real.   Put her out of her misery!  Phyllis will probably be happy to do that.  “And the other times?” asks Jack, coming closer.  “I never want you to let me go,” says Kelly.

 

Jack says his feelings haven’t changed, he still loves her!  She says to stop saying things like that because it gives her hope.  And she CLINGS to that hope, because she’s a stage 5 clinger.   She’s not ready for this to be over.  Neither is Jack.  But Kelly says the miracle happened. Phyllis came back and she’s the woman he loved first!  How is she supposed to compete with that?  With her?

 

Phyllis notes that Victor is always so supremely confident he can control the outcome of any situation.  “And how is that a problem?” he asks.  Human beings are the problem, says Phyllis.  They’re very unpredictable.  Not on this show.  “How are you so certain you can change Nick’s mind about Sharon.”  It’s very simple.  He’s right about Sharon.  And Phyllis will help him prove it.  She’s like why would Nick believe me?  They raised a child together, says Victor, that creates a bond.

 

Sharon thinks Madam Ripoff should go.  She shrugs.  People often only want to hear the good things.  She notices a photo of Cassie.  “Beautiful girl.  She’s no longer with you, is she?”  Which anyone in GC would know.  But Sharon is stunned.  Yes, Cassie died years ago. “But you still feel her energy,” says MI.  Feel it, she SEES it sometimes. 

 

MI senses something…something BLUE?  The most popular color in town?  Maybe a piece of jewelry.  “YES!” cries Sharon.  “Her twin sister gave me an anklet that was blue!”  MI says she should give it back, she’s not going to need it anymore.  Sharon’s like WHY?!  What does that MEAN?  Does it mean she’s not going to marry Nick??  Nick walks in.  “Of course we’re getting married.  Why would you think that?”  MI bites her lip.

 

Stitch and Ashley are walking in the park when he notices the smell of something horrible.  It smells like rotting garbage!  Ashley smiles and says that’s the scent of her new product.  He’s like you’re kidding, right.  She holds out her wrist and Stitch is like, whew!  THAT IS AWFUL!  She just laughs.  She’s so CHILLY today.  He wraps his scarf around her neck…and then is so overcome with passion that he grabs her and starts kissing her. 

 

She finally pushes him off, and he’s like, wow, omg, I don’t know why I did that!  Ashley grins.  She knows.  She pulls out a little vial of rotten garbage perfume.  This is her secret project.  It’s a LOVE POTION, you guys.  It’s going to revolutionize the date rape and serial killer industry.  They’ll just have to keep it away from Chloe.  Ashley explains to Stitch that she found the pheromones that will make the wearer irresistible, but the downside is that it stinks.  Also that it’s possibly going to end up illegal.  He’s like, so we just need to find a way to make it smell better.  She’s so glad he gets it!  Now get off her.

 

Kevin tells Noah he and Mariah are just friends, and maybe not even that after last night.  She didn’t really appreciate the whole protection thing.  Noah says Mariah just loves being told what to do.  And add her prickly attitude and it must have been a real pleasant evening.  Kevin knows she’s a little antagonistic.  A LITTLE? says Noah.  Kevin says people just don’t understand her, and he gets that.  Because people don’t understand him.  Everyone thinks he’s just a screw-up.  Noah’s like, not that much, and Mariah’s lucky to have a friend like him.

 

Mariah tells Austin that when things start to tank in epic proportions, you should just run away.  Austin says that’s not an option.  Mariah thinks that’s nice he’s sticking with it.  A waste of time, but nice.  Hey, he loves Summer and wants to make her happy.  He hopes she’ll keep this between them while he figures it out.  Mariah thinks he should just tell Summer.  He thinks it’s better if she doesn’t know about it.  Summer walks in.  “If I don’t know about WHAT?”

 

Victor says Summer was very troubled after Phyllis went into a coma, and she found out JackAbbott was her father.  She kept spiraling downward. “She got married,” says Phyllis.  Victor’s like, that was the LAST of a string of a bad decisions.  Phyllis says tell her more.  Hmm, he’ll tell her more when she starts sharing with HIM.  And also, why bring up Viva Surge if you don’t have to.  She reminds him that she’s not sharing facts.  Her memories are garbled in her head along with comavision.  He thinks she knows more than she’s letting on. 

 

One thing Phyllis does remember is that Victor Newman is always out for himself.  And that he’ll use whatever she knows at the expense of someone she cares about, and she will NOT let that happen.  Victor says he never does anything without getting something in return, and her resurrection is no exception.  Have a nice day.  She marches out.

 

When Ashley said her product was revolutionary, Stitch thought she was exaggerating.  But THIS is amazing.  He can totally get Victoria back with this shit.  She’s glad he’s excited.  They just have to make it smell better.  He thinks R&D needs to be careful with stuff around, they don’t want the lines to get blurred between them.  Ashley thinks she can be professional if he can.  He looks kind of confused.  This stuff probably melts your brain cells, too.

 

Mariah covers and says Austin was just talking about Nikki being involved in Ian’s sting.  Summer already knows because Noah told her.  “Well, I guess it’s hard to keep any secrets in this family,” says Mariah.  Austin looks guilty as sin.  Summer squints.

 

Nick is like PSYCHICS are QUACKS.  How easy would it be to peg  Sharon in her own home with cues everywhere.  Madam Isadora probably just guessed some stuff.  Sharon says MI KNEW things!  Well, Nick KNOWS things, too.  He KNOWS he loves Sharon, and they are getting married next week, and NOTHING AND NO ONE WILL KEEP THEM APART.  They hug joyfully, but Sharon looks worried.

 

Victor tells a henchman to tail Phyllis.

 

Kelly says she was holding onto the fact that Jack was committed to her…and she wanted to give him time to explain things to Phyllis, but then she saw the ring…  Jack says he proposed to Phyllis right after the accident, and it was the last thing she remembers.  So she accepted when she woke up.  Kelly’s like, well what does that MEAN?  Is he going to…break things off with Phyllis?  Or is he going to stay engaged, to someone who possibly isn’t the same person she was before?  Ugh, that is desperate.

 

Jack doesn’t know. He’s walking on eggshells with the doctor’s advice.  Kelly asks if he still loves Phyllis.  Is she the same person, or has she changed?  She’s been awake for like two days.  Jack says HE has changed...because she loved him.  He moves to kiss her, and Phyllis comes home.  “Hi!”   Jack and Kelly stare awkwardly.  “Who’s this?” asks Phyllis.  Nobody answers, and her smile starts to fade.  Be afraid, Kelly.  Be very afraid.

[Slowpokey]

Peach you are a real treasure.Thanks again for another side splitting recap.The highlight of this board!

[movinon]

WHAT SLOWPOKEY SAID !!! 

Edited October 25, 2014 by movinon

[peach]

Thurs, Oct 23

 

Abby is dressed for Lamaze class like she’s going to NY Fashion Week.   She’s so glad the baby didn’t come during Shick’s nonwedding!  Vicky snarks that she’s SO GLAD that worked out for Abby.  She’s not very nice to her birth coach.  She complains that the baby is coming soon, and maybe she SHOULD have found out who the father is, for the sake of the baby.  Abby thinks maybe she hopes it’s someone in particular after all. 

 

Stitch is like, so that kiss was just a lab experiment?  “I’m a human guinea pig, great.”  Yeah, admits Ashley, but she just wanted him to understand what a huge this project actually is, so what’s a little nonconsent  between colleagues.  Stitch thinks she could have sent a memo.  She thinks that would compromise the experiment.  This proves the compound has the desired effect, to drug someone into kissing you.  Or, it could just prove we’re human, says Stitch, because he probably didn’t need much of a push to kiss beautiful Ashley.  See if he’ll kiss Kevin, then you have a revolutionary product.

 

Billy shows up at Chelsea’s with Chinese food, and comforts her while she frets about having NO creative ideas for the new line.  Hey, she’s amazing, okay.  He kisses her.  “God, I love you,” he says.  Chelsea’s like…uh, yeah.

 

Lily and Grumpy Devon go over paperwork.  Lily needs more capital.  She says Neil and Hilary should be back any minute, so Devon says he has to go to the office.  Lily’s like, don’t you want to stick around, you haven’t seen Dad in days.  No, Dad just hasn’t seen HIM.  She asks if he doesn’t want to see Hilary or something?  He’s like why do you have to read into everything??  Too late, Neil and Hilary walk in.  She looks like she’s going to a funeral.

 

Phyllis asks Jack if she’s interrupting something.  Jack’s like, uh, this is Kelly, she’s an event planner for the club.  Awesome!  “Are we having a party no one told me about?”  Jack’s like, uhhhh, Kelly’s here for another reason.  She’s…here to see Billy.  Omg, Jack, what are you doing??  Oh, so is Billy having a party?  Please, tell her more.

 

Lily greets Neil.  She guesses NY was amazing.  She asks Hilary if she was surprised!  Oh, it was HUGE, says Hilary.  Neil says Cane is a great wingman, he can really keep a secret for a worthy cause.  Neil wants to talk to Lily alone.  Devon tells Hilary he was worried about her.  She gives him his phone.  He tries to hold her hand but she yanks it back.  Devon says he wouldn’t trade those days in NY for anything, they’re probably going to be the BEST DAYS OF HIS LIFE. 

 

Neil tells Lily nothing is wrong.  They really got to talk in NY.  Now he has to tell Lily something, he LOVES Hilary.  She knows.  No, she doesn’t know HOW MUCH he loves her.  He’s never giving up or pushing her away ever ever ever.  Lily wouldn’t want him to.  Hilary did it.  She convinced Lily she’s good for him.  Neil is overjoyed to have her back in his life 100%.  Lily is so humbled that she thinks she should tell Hilary, too.  She kindly invites Hilary to join her for lunch.

 

Ashley rubs the rotten garbage love potion off her wrists so she doesn’t get tackled by strangers, which doesn’t sound like a liability issue AT ALL.  Stitch laughs that she thinks it’s THAT powerful.  “Did you plan on kissing me today, hmm?”  Stitch isn’t giving in to the idea that he’s not in control of himself.  “Humans can be unpredictable creatures.”  Ashley says not in this case.  It works because of a predictable reaction triggered in the brain.  So she’s saying he acted according to plan even though she smells like putrid meat.  Duh!  He admits that’s pretty incredible.  So that kiss he laid on her happened for a reason.  Of course,  Abby and Victoria are walking by JUST THEN and hear him.   “Is there anyone I know that you’re NOT kissing?” says Victoria. 

 

Chelsea tells Billy to stop kissing and distracting her.  They have one of their cutesy conversations.  He leaves so she can work.  I know, she says to herself, I didn’t say it.  Again.

 

“So you’re not here about a party?” asks Phyllis.  No.  Kelly looks betrayed.  “But you’re a friend of Billy’s?”  Deep sigh.  “Yes.”  He could use one, says Phyllis.  Jack says he’s been filling Phyllis in on things like Billy and Victoria’s divorce.  “Of course,” says Kelly bitterly.  Thanks for throwing her under the bus.  Phyllis says Billy has his charms, but that’s what bites him in the butt.  Jack says Kelly’s relatively new in town, but she’s fit right in and made herself indispensable in many ways.  Kelly says she wasn’t sure how long she’d be in GC, but it’s become her home now.  “That’s great,” says Phyllis.  “So where do ya live?”  Hmm, one look in your closet should have given you a clue.

 

Devon watches Hilary and Lily and says he just wants to make sure Lily behaves.  Neil says Lily knows Hilary deserves respect.  Devon looks like he’s going to come out of his skin.  He begs off lunch with Neil because he’s so busy working.  Neil asks if he brought back any “souvenirs” from the car show?  Nope.  “Check you out,” says Neil, “showing some self-restraint.”  Devon flashes back to sex with Hilary.  “It must have been hard walking away from all that beauty,” says Neil.  Just about killed me, says Devon.  That was Cane that just about killed you.  Neil’s just glad they can put the family back together now how it should be.  Devon looks sick.

 

Lily notices Hilary is just picking at her food, but Hil says she’s just a little sick from the bumpy flight and massive guilt.  Lily says she knows this is kind of weird after all the rotten things Lily’s done like the pool incident…but all she knows is that she and her dad love each other.  Obviously New York affected them both which is super wonderful.  Hilary flashes back to sex with Devon and making it count.  “It’s obvious it was SPECIAL for you guys.”  Hilary almost passes out from shame, and gets up and runs away.

 

Butter wouldn’t melt in Ashley’s mouth right now, and she smoothly tells Victoria she doesn’t know what she thought she heard, but she and Stitch were just talking business.  So Ashley hired Stitch to kiss her??  Ashley doesn’t know HOW she heard the word KISS in that conversation…ohhh, is this some scheme for Vicky to get trade secrets?  Abby’s like this is supposed to be hush hush, so let’s stop discussing it.  Ashley tells Stitch she has to get back to the lab, but remember NO shop talk with Victoria.  Vicky’s like we have OTHER TOPICS to discuss.

 

Abby has to work, too, so she thanks Victoria for being part of her day, even though it’s not what she wanted.  Stitch is like, not what you wanted?  Vicky complains that all the other Lamaze partners were couples doing it together, bringing their baby into the world with love and togetherness.  Stitch says this baby does have love.  But from a distance, says Vicky, is that enough?  “For the baby?  Or for you?” asks Stitch.

 

Kelly tells Phyllis that she, uh, lives at the club.  Phyllis is like then you never get to leave work.  Doesn’t sound like much of a social life.  Sure isn’t.  And she better get on back to that work.  Phyllis says it was nice to meet her.  “And don’t believe all the scary stuff about me.  Well, maybe some of it.”  Kelly suppresses screaming out loud, and says they ALL missed you.  “They don’t have to miss me anymore,” says Phyllis.  Jack tells Kelly he’ll let Billy know she stopped by.  “Thank you,” asshole.  Jack offers to see her out, but Phyllis is done playin.’  “Okay, okay, why don’t you just tell me who this REALLY is.”

 

Abby and Ashley walk in Crimson Lights.  “So we totally misunderstood your conversation and there was no kiss?” asks Abby.  Of course not, they were just discussing research.  Oh, maybe Stitch was researching her tonsils, says Abby.  They were just talking about the new perfume.  Abby worries that Stitch will spill info to Victoria, but Ashley doesn’t think so.  And even if they WERE kissing, it just proves the product works as intended.  Yeah, yeah, it drives men wild, says Abby, just like every perfume out there.  No, it’s NOT like everything out there, it’s very [evil] special, which she was trying to prove to Stitch.

 

Abby’s like, then TELL ME ABOUT IT.  No, says Ashley.  Abby’s like wtf, this is my job?   Ashley pulls her aside and whispers the lowdown on the love potion rape perfume.  Abby is blown away.  “Wait, that means you could get ANY MAN that you want!  That’s MAGIC!”  It’s science, says Ashley, and it needs further testing.  Abby considers the downside, how would you know if a guy really wants you for you?  “It lights the fire,” says Ashley, “buy YOU’VE gotta keep it burning.”  Also any other woman could light your man’s fire.

 

Victoria sits down and whines about all her issues with Stitch.  She wishes he was still practicing medicine!  Thanks, Billy.  She wishes he would have been honest with her so much earlier.  He says wouldn’t they have been apart that much sooner?  She doesn’t KNOW, waaah.  Stitch says he was selfish, but he fell in love.  She deserved honesty and trust, but he can’t regret those months they had together.  When he feels like things are bleak, he grabs onto those memories.  She admits they were good memories.  That gives him hope, like when she said she wanted to forgive him.  She does, but…  He knows it’s all still there, the good and the bad.  They can kiss and feel good again, all the time.  Imagine that!  She just can’t.  Stitch says it’s time to make it real.  Put the past in the past and just start over.  “Come on, Victoria, you and me, right now.”

 

Chelsea is corny with her tango music, and Anita walks in and embarrasses her.  She hasn’t seen Chelsea look that happy since the day she married Adam.  The tango is the dance of LOVE, and she needs to get that Billy Abbott in there to dance with her!

 

Phyllis can imagine how this happened.  Was it in a bar?  Jack says Billy’s not gambling, so she knows they didn’t meet at the track.  Jack acts surprised that SOMEHOW Phyllis thinks Kelly is BILLY’S lover.   “I admit it,” says Phyllis, “I can’t start throwing stones,” but here is a giant boulder.  “If you are the woman who came in between Billy and Victoria??  Really??  And you guys are friends now?”  Jack says this is none of their business.  Kelly says she and Billy made a terrible mistake, but she believes they both paid for them.  Now, she’s going to excuse herself.  Goodbye!

 

Phyllis is like, wow.  “Pretty, with that wide eyed blonde look and a voice like honey.  Billy never had a chance.”  Jack is pissed.  He knows she wants to get answers but cornering people and interrogating them is not how to do it!  She’s like, well, if the people in MY inner circle would tell me anything, that would be HELPFUL.  Billy walks in.  He’s like, wow, look at you!  It is great to see you, did you ever think you’d hear me say that?  She smiles and says did you ever think I’d be happy to hear you say that?  He gives her a big hug.  He says she’s real and all fire in the eyes.  “I guess you’re still you!”  Yeah.  “And I hear you’re still YOU.”  Billy correctly hears that as an insult.  “I guess she really is back,” he tells Jack.  Oh, yeah. 

 

“Your friend, Kelly, came by, ahem.  And Summer’s friend Austin, who turned out to be her husband, so if you have any other ‘friends’ let me know.”  Billy’s like, so Kelly was here, huh?  Jack quickly says she was there to see Billy.  He’s like, oookay.  So, uh, how is Phyllis feeling?!  Phyllis says, Billy, really?  A divorce, because of that woman?  Billy’s like, ummm, Jack told you that, did he?  Is that all?   Phyllis is like “is that all?  Meaning there’s MORE?  Will someone PLEASE tell me what happened while I was gone?!”

 

Lily asks Neil if Hilary is okay.  They were talking about New York, and she just ran off to the bathroom.  Was it the flight?  Neil says it was sweet, not bumpy.  Devon thinks he should go check on her.  Right.  Lily says she knows he owns the place, but he still can’t go in the ladies room.  She’ll go.  But Hilary comes back.  Neil offers to call a doctor, but Hilary says she just needed fresh air.  Sorry for the drama.  Devon looks pitiful.

 

Victoria says that’s not how it works, saying the past is the past and can’t touch them.  It always touches them.  She’s cold, so he offers her his scarf.   Eww, he let ASHLEY borrow it, it has cooties.  Stitch says she’s just his boss, and scarves just keep you warm.  She accepts it.  Blah blah blah.  She says she lost Eve and with Reed, “I wasn’t aware” whatever that means, and this birth she just feels like a bundle of hopes and fears.  Being in that class just made her feel lonely.  He thinks she needs him or maybe Billy.  She thought about that, but she asked HIM for a divorce.  And the truth is, Billy already moved on.

 

Anita is seriously Team Billy.  He brings her food, he looks after her boy, he really does right by her.  She thinks Chelsea could still get work done with playboy Billy around.  Chelsea’s like not when he’s…saying things…and she’s not saying them back.  What kind of things?  He…said he loves her.  “HALLELUJAH!  WHERE is the champagne?!  You DID it, girl!  You got your rich, handsome, Abbott man!”  She realizes Chelsea didn’t say it back?  Huh?  Chelsea says she choked. 

 

“NO!  Nononono!  You call him right now and UNCHOKE!”  It’s okay, Billy just assumes women love him back.  Chelsea says she does feel that way about him, but she can’t make that kind of declaration THERE.  Anita’s like, pffft.  Just because she lived there with ADAM?  That’s no way to think!  She’s like burn some sage and wave it around, move on!  She reminds Chelsea that if Adam didn’t die, he’d be in prison right now.  Billy is a much better deal.  She just has to let him know how she feels.

 

Billy’s not all fired up to talk about the last year.  Jack says she’s all fired up to get some answers.  He’s like, omg, NO ONE would want to talk about this last year all at once, so if she thinks she’s gonna get it from HIM…No!  That’s not gonna happen.  “Traitor,” jokes Phyllis, ‘You’re on Jack’s side.  OR, maybe you feel a deep well of shame about blowing your marriage.”  Actually, both of those things are true, says Billy.  Jack says he warned her NOT to goad people when she doesn’t know what happened.  She’s like GIVE ME SOMETHING, I am the Gossip Queen!

 

Billy is upset.  “I screwed up, Phyllis, okay?  I don’t know what you want from me?  But it was a rough time.  It was one night, but we couldn’t make it through the other side.”  Phyllis doesn’t get it.  They were insane for each other.  If Victor couldn’t break them up,  no one could!  Billy says knowing details won’t help.  He had a long night, so he wants to leave now.

 

Phyllis asks Jack if he gets that this is annoying!  And there’s more to this Billy-Blondie story.  Her NAME is KELLY, says Jack.  She TANKED his marriage!  And she came over to visit?  He said it was just once?  Jack is like they’re friends!  She wants to know about that “rough time” Billy was talking about.  He says she’s not going to get him to blurt it all out!  It’s not fair to the other people, and it’s not fair to her.  How about if SHE decides what’s fair.  He says how about if she starts TRUSTING him.

 

Billy comes back to Chelsea’s.  “Who ordered the delivery of handsome?!” says Anita.  Chelsea thought Billy was going to the office.  Ha.  He was going to, ha ha, but he walked into some serious weirdness at the family home.  Serious and weird sounds important to Anita, so she will leave them ALONE to TALK.  Billy loves Anita.  He tells Chelsea about the unsettling meeting with Phyllis.  “I don’t know WHAT Jack is doing, but if it was tense today, it’s only going to get worse, so I had to get outta there.”  Billy’s specialty.  Feelings are yucky, so Chelsea’s place popped into his head as a safe haven from work.  She wants him to always feel like he can come there.  When isn’t he there?

 

Hilary tells Neil she’s ready to go home.  She thanks Lily for the lunch even if she didn’t eat it.  It was a nice invitation.  Lily says she knows she’s late to the party, that it took her a while to accept that Hilary has changed, and she’s sorry.  They leave.  Lily discusses how emotional and sick Hilary was acting, and it suddenly makes sense to her.  Hilary is pregnant!

 

Jack tries to make Phyllis rest in the bedroom.  They argue about how she doesn’t know anything.  He says knowing everything doesn’t change or fix anything.  She’s like I NEED TO KNOW THINGS.  He says to take on the whole world later, AFTER she rests.  She’s missed him.  She knew she had to get back to him as quickly as possible.  To him, to their house, their bed, the fighting, the making love.  She’s  missed it all.

 

She starts kissing him…but she pulls back.  She’s sorry, she can’t do this yet.  She’s super coma tired now, but someday soon, they’ll come back in the bedroom and do it all.  Right now she needs to rest.  Jack leaves.  Oops, he left his tablet in there.  Phyllis starts with the story on her tragedy at the MS Benefit. 

 

Abby thinks Ashley should research that fragrance a little more with Stitch.  She’s like this isn’t about romance.  Abby reminds her he fondled her ankle last Thanksgiving, she sure knows how to make a guy wait.  Ashley says he WASN’T WAITING to kiss her.  He was under the influence of her rotting garbage.  Abby thinks it was her beauty and charm.  Ashley’s like what is with you, you’ve spent months WARNING me about Stitch.  Abby now thinks his baggage is only carry on size.  If Victoria can forgive him, maybe he’s not so bad after all.  She’s been trying to hate him..but..she kind of likes him.  But DON’T TELL HIM. 

 

Abby thinks Ashley is happy with Stitch.   She’s like, this is just professional, and he has feelings for Victoria!  But Victoria belongs with Billy, insists Abby.  WAIT, SHE’S GOT AN IDEA.  Let’s mess with a pregnant woman’s brain with chemicals!  Ashley’s already thought of that…but she realized it would be wrong.   And she sees that it will take a lot more than a love potion to solve their problems.

 

Billy and Chelsea talk about how he always slacks at her place.  But it’s a great thing.  In fact, it’s SUCH a great thing, that Billy should just do it already.  “Move in with me,” says Chelsea.  O_o

 

Victoria and Stitch cuddle on the park bench.   It feels so right with Stitch.  A cop walks around the corner.  “BEN RUSSELL.  AKA BEN RAYBURN?”  Uh, yes.  “You’re under arrest!”

[Joimiaroxeu]

She guesses NY was amazing.  She asks Hilary if she was surprised!  Oh, it was HUGE, says Hilary.

LOL, wut? Wee little Devon?

[movinon]

Peach - Thanks for the marathon re-caps - they really help.  I'm still FFing almost everything.  I had high hopes for some real drama when Victor came back, since Phyllis is bringing nothing dramatic right now.  The only thing I am enjoying is Nikki getting in Victor's face - over and over again.  Maybe I'm more done with the show that I thought I was.  I just wait for your recaps - they're so much better than the show.

[Slowpokey]

Peach - Thanks for the marathon re-caps - they really help.  I'm still FFing almost everything.  I had high hopes for some real drama when Victor came back, since Phyllis is bringing nothing dramatic right now.  The only thing I am enjoying is Nikki getting in Victor's face - over and over again.  Maybe I'm more done with the show that I thought I was.  I just wait for your recaps - they're so much better than the show.

Agree! Peach makes it a lot more interesting than the crap on TV. I do  like Nikki a lot more since she is standing up to Grampire! Show blows major chunks right now!

Edited October 28, 2014 by Slowpokey

[LeftPhalange]

This show is so boring. 

[peach]

This show is so boring. 

I have the first half of Friday's done, but I just can't bring myself to finish recounting all this drivel.  Probably because I did 4 in a row, and that's soul crushing. LOL.  Also, "my shows" are back on, such as The Walking Dead and Z Nation, so I'm kinda into my quality entertainment when I have a minute.

 

 

Edited October 28, 2014 by peach

[LeftPhalange]

 

I have the first half of Friday's done, but I just can't bring myself to finish recounting all this drivel.  Probably because I did 4 in a row, and that's soul crushing. LOL.  Also, "my shows" are back on, such as The Walking Dead and Z Nation, so I'm kinda into my quality entertainment when I have a minute.

 

I was going to pitch in and do a recap but I would have just ended up telling everyone to STFU. I'm so bored I can't even come up with any snark.

[peach]

Fri, Oct 24     Billy Gets It All

 

Okay, so Stitch got arrested.  Dylan rushes into the station and says Avery’s tracking down Christine.  He offers to call his Dad, but Stitch thinks that’s pointless.  The charges aren’t bogus, he really did falsify his identity.   Victoria shows up to check on him.  Dylan thinks that’s super nice.  Vicky wants to get this cleared up and get him released.   She wonders why the police would suddenly arrest him.  Avery arrives and says someone has aggressively pursued this case.  Someone with an axe to grind against Stitch.

 

Billy’s up early and has already fed Connor breakfast because he loves taking over Adam’s whole life.  He wants to talk about her proposal for him to move in with her.  She says it wasn’t a PROPOSAL, it was more of a passing thought.  Billy says he and Connor had a deep discussion about it over oatmeal.

 

Sharon sits on the couch and looks at her blue anklet.  Nick comes in with big news.  He says she better not give that anklet back to Mariah, she’s going to need it to get married.  His news is about the interesting date he’s chosen for the wedding.  HALLOWEEN!  Muahahaha!

 

Summer and Austin are decorating Crimson Lights for Halloween.  She’s so excited they are spending their first REAL holiday together, instead of their fake HGTV ones.  They’re thankful for the little things in life, like Austin not being in prison.  Summer thinks she should be the Handsome Prince for Halloween, then he won’t even need a costume. 

 

Mariah jumps out in a scary mask.  BOO!  Sticks in the mud Summer and Austin don’t approve.  She’s there to decorate, too.  Summer has to put up with Mariah listening to her conversation about what kind of “understanding” Phyllis has with Austin.  It sounded like a threat to her.  Austin brushes it off, and Summer knows he will win over her mom just like he did with everyone else.   “Yes, Austin, because you’re just SO dreamy,” mocks Mariah. 

 

Phyllis is still reading the internet on Jack’s tablet, but she hides it when he comes in.  He asks how she slept.  She says it wasn’t exactly restful.  She was up all night, finding out what everyone’s been keeping from her.  She hands Jack the tablet.  Can someone explain to her what the hell happened to Miley Cyrus??

 

Jack asks her what she found out.  She snarks about video game consoles and How I Met Your Mother ending.  “You’re impossible,” says Jack.  “You love it!” retorts Phyllis.  He wants to know what she learned about Genoa City.  Phyllis is like, oh, you want to talk now?  He says the doctors TOLD HIM…  She doesn’t care about the doctors.  He didn’t ask the doctors to marry him, he asked HER. 
She breaks down in angry tears and says she TOLD him she needed to know about every single thing that happened.  What upsets her is NOT KNOWING ABOUT HER LIFE.  Jack says let’s TALK about it.  Not now.  She will let HIM know when she’s ready to hash that out with him!  She runs up the stairs.  Better check your search history.

 

Mariah antagonizes Summer who leaves to get a pumpkin.  Austin asks why she’s always on Summer?  Because getting his wife riled up makes her smile when so few things do.  He gets a text.  PHYLLIS wants him to come over, NOW, to get information from him.  Mariah still thinks he should take off.  He says he has to win his MIL over.  “Impossible,” says Mariah, “you can’t win.”  No matter what Austin does, Phyllis is NEVER going to approve of his marriage to her daughter.  Austin thinks maybe he could get away with giving her SOME information, just nothing about his crime or Kelly.  Summer comes in with an idea to get Mom on their side, and she wants to try it right now!  Mariah smirks.

 

Dylan asks if maybe the hospital wanted Stitch arrested.  Stitch says they won’t want the bad publicity.  Avery says there could be prison time, in a town that regularly lets off murderers.  Victoria’s like, WHAT?  What if the baby is Stitch’s?  Stitch thinks Victoria should leave because the stress isn’t good for her.  She just wishes there was something she could do.  Why not call your rich daddy? 

 

She just leaves, but says she isn’t abandoning him, and wants to finish their conversation.  Dylan asks about that.  Stitch says they were getting back on track together, but then the cops showed up.  Dylan asks if he has any idea who’s after him.  He has a few ideas.  He looks at Kevin and says one of them is in the room right now.  But Kevin’s busy writing his goth emo crap.

 

Billy says he and Connor haven’t made a firm decision, since it seems like Mom blurted out the invitation without thinking about it.   She stands by it.  They agree a decision like this should mean something IF they do it.  He says they should think about it.

 

“WHO gets married on Halloween?” asks Sharon. NO ONE, says Nick, they’ll be trailblazers!.  And it’s the only date available.  She says maybe that’s a sign.  NO, no more signs or psychic babble from Madam Isadora.  They are getting married next week.  Okay, Halloween it is, agrees Sharon.  She goes upstairs.  Nick decides he better call Madam Isadora himself.

 

Jeffery stops by to hit up Chelsea for money.  He’s been losing at the track and doesn’t want Gloria to know.   Chelsea’s inherited a whole PILE of money, plus she has a successful business, and now the rumor is she’s with big bucks Billy Abbott!  She’s like take some money and go away.  He claims he’s coming into a windfall soon, but she really doesn’t want to hear about it.

 

Victoria  confronts Billy at Crimson Lights and accuses him of getting Stitch arrested.  Is that how he thinks he can get her BACK, by throwing people in jail??  Billy’s like what the hell are you talking about?  He didn’t go to the police.  Well, he STARTED the whole thing.  Billy says the guy committed crimes, the police tend to arrest people like that, except for Billy.  She’s like you really didn’t have anything to do with this?  NO.  When he thinks about being responsible for getting Stitch fired from the hospital he gets a pit in his stomach ( a peach pit?), so, no, he didn’t call the police.  Vicky apologizes.  The timing was just suspicious.  Billy promises he’s not out to get Stitch anymore. He’s moving on..and moving IN with Chelsea.  Vicky looks like he shanked her.

 

Phyllis comes downstairs.  She thought Jack was at work.  He’s not going ANYWHERE until they talk about this.  “There are THINGS that you kept from me that should have told me.”  Summer and Austin show up.  She’s like, Austin, come chat with me.  Jack whispers to Summer that Phyllis has been online!  He doesn’t know if she read anything about Kelly, because Jack doesn’t know how browsers work.  Hmm, what was POSSIBLY a bigger news story than his dating life?

 

Phyllis asks Austin if he’s ready to tell her something the others won’t.  He says she doesn’t have her job at Jabot anymore, because Billy took it.  Oh, she already knows about Billy not doing her job.  Anything else?  Hmm…no?  She guesses she shouldn’t have expected anything more from a CRIMINAL!.  “And as of now, my daughter’s marriage is officially OVER!”  Summer gasps. 

 

Stitch confronts Kevin .  He smirks.  “You think I ratted you out to the cops?  I ain’t no snitch, Stitch.”  Well, he did it before.  Kevin says that was just for a friend.  “Mercy, not revenge, is the sign of a true knight.”  Stitch is like, what?  Kevin tells him to read a book and rushes off before he gets punched.  Avery runs up with the details from Christine.  A former patient is suing the hospital for allowing a doctor to treat him who shouldn’t have been practicing.  So getting criminal charges filed will strengthen the lawsuit. 

 

Jeffery shows up and says he wants to bond with Gloria’s son and watch him work.  Kevin’s like, at a cop shop?  Yeah, he’s really interested in that case over THERE with Stitch.  Kevin’s like wth?

 

Phyllis says she is having the marriage annulled immediately!  Austin says he committed a crime and hurt some people,  but he’s working hard to turn it around.   Phyllis doesn’t believe him since he’s just a big liar.  Summer blows up.  Phyllis asks Jack why he didn’t tell her HER daughter married a criminal?  “OUR daughter and I are protecting your health!”  Well, somehow she’s still functioning after reading that her felon SIL pulled a gun on her SISTER and kidnapped her!

 

Summer says Aunt Avery FORGAVE Austin!  She brought pictures from the wedding to SHOW her.  Phyllis asks if there are any pictures of Paul Williams throwing rice in there, because probably not, since the groom shot him in cold blood!  How could Summer marry someone like this??  Summer is furious.  “You know, Austin’s not the ONLY one here who was charged with almost killing Paul Williams!”  BURN!!  Angry Summer is way better than Pouty Summer.

 

Nick goes out.  Mariah comes in and asks why her anklet is lying out.  Sharon says she talked to a psychic earlier.  “That was not the response I was expecting,” laughs Mariah.  Wait, was she talking to a psychic about HER?  Of course not, it was about The Secret.  And the psychic said she didn’t need to borrow her daughter’s jewelry anymore.   Um, doesn’t the psychic know that something borrowed and something blue aren’t the same thing?

 

Anyway, Mariah thinks maybe Sharon shouldn’t go through with the wedding.  Because of Madam Isadora??  Mariah’s like hell, no!.  Because Sharon doesn’t seem on board with it.  Sharon insists she IS, but she still can’t remember blah blah.  Mariah says if she would relax, maybe it would come to her…like in a dream?  She admits she heard Sharon talking in her sleep about it once.  It sounded like a confession.  Sharon’s like WHAT were my exact words?!

 

Chelsea tortures Connor with her thoughts about Billy.

 

Billy didn’t think Victoria would care so much!  She’s like wouldn’t it affect him if SHE was moving in with someone?  “You mean, like, what it would be like if you were possibly carrying someone else’s child?  Yeah, I can imagine that.”  Ouch.  He apologizes for saying that.  Victoria tries to play it all off like it’s cool even though she’s trying not to cry. 

 

Billy says he’ll always be in Johnny’s life and maybe this baby’s.  He was thinking about Delia, and though he’s a lousy husband, and disappointing brother, and so-so friend, he’s a damn good dad, when he’s not leaving kids alone in the car so they die.  She agrees.  He thinks spending time with the son of the guy he killed has really helped his self-esteem.  That’s the final blow for Victoria, who runs off, even though she got exactly what she wanted.

 

It turns out to be low down Jeffery behind the lawsuit, of course.  He claims he could have died under Stitch’s illegally gained medical license.  Seems kinda thin since Stitch wasn’t impersonating a doctor, he was just impersonating Ben Rayburn.  Besides, Stitch just treated Jeffery for hemorrhoids!!  Avery’s like ewww!  Kevin can’t believe his mother remarried this hemorrhoid grifter!  Avery threatens to countersue while Jeffery whines about his mental anguish. “I’ll show you anguish!” says Stitch, launching himself at Jefferey.

 

Nick sits himself down at Madam Isadora’s table at the club.  “You need to stay away from my fiancée!”  Madam Is says Sharon contacted HER, for good reason.  Nick says he’s not going to argue with a con woman.  If she doesn’t stay away from Sharon, he’s pressing charges.  Madam Isadora says all she did was tell the super obvious truth for money.  That’s not a crime.  That's just taking candy from a baby.

 

Mariah won’t tell Sharon about the dream because she’s already freaked out enough about it.  Blah blah secret.  Mariah relents and repeats the sleeptalking:  “Nick, don’t hate me.  I’m sorry I lied to you.  I should have told you the truth.  I should have told you who the father is.”  Sharon gets her Creamy Nude face.  Mariah’s like, do you remember??  Do you finally know what The Secret is?

 

Phyllis CAN’T BELIEVE her own daughter is throwing those hit and run charges in her face.  Why ya gotta be so rude?  Blah blah we all make mistakes and Austin has great abs.  Jack tells her that Avery even DEFENDED Austin in court.   Austin won EVERYONE over.  Phyllis says, FINE, she’ll just stick to him and take it up WITH NICK.  Jack says it’s NOT his call.  He’s not Summer’s father.  Nick doesn’t even care anyway.  “We are NOT ending our marriage,” Summer says through clenched teeth.  They leave. 

 

Jack tells Phyllis to calm down.  “How?” gasps Phyllis.  “With all these lies?”  An Indian tear rolls down her face.  Jack knows she must have read something else online.  “Let’s talk about how I ended up at the bottom of that stairwell.”  Dun Dun DUN!!!

 

Billy gets back to Chelsea’s. Talking to Victoria made him realize he belongs in Adam’s house with Adam's wife and kid.

 

Unfortunately everyone pulls Stitch off Jeffery instead of just letting him kill him.  Jeffery thinks he can add this to his lawsuit.  Kevin throws him out and says go pickpocket some orphans.   Dylan wants to bail out Stitch, but someone anonymous already posted it.  Stitch thinks it must have been Victoria, but he hates getting her involved.  Avery congratulates Dylan on being amazing enough to forgive his best friend for that thing that had nothing to do with Dylan.  Dylan’s glad he’s so awesome, too.

 

Sharon doesn’t remember any such dream.  Mariah confesses that she thought Faith wasn’t Nick’s kid.  Sharon’s like, please, we settled THAT baby drama a long time ago.  She’s surprised Mariah didn’t come to her with that.  Mariah can ask her ANYTHING.  Sharon hopes she’ll learn to trust her one day.   Mariah says maybe this was JUST a dream and there was nothing real about it.  She leaves, and good mom Sharon makes sure she takes a jacket.  Mariah walks out on the porch and looks around at the happy family Halloween decorations.  She’s weakening, y’all.

 

Phyllis says the press says she fell down the stairs, so tell her the rest.  Jack says she was in the stairwell because the elevator was running slow.  He says they were on the phone but had a lousy connection, and he didn’t understand what she saying, but then the phone went dead.  She must have tripped over her dress or Sharon's foot or something.  Nick and Avery found her,and that was it.  Phyllis decides she needs a massage.  She needs some time alone.  Jack walks away to get a coat and tie so he doesn’t leave the house practically naked.  She leaves so she can go massage Sharon’s throat.

 

Billy tells Chelsea how Victoria accused him of getting the police to arrest Stitch.  It made him realize that he doesn’t care if Stitch is banging his exwife anymore, and that he loves Chelsea  and wants to take the next step.  She’s really happy.  “Welcome Home.”  So now Billy officially has Adam’s wife, kid, and house. He'll probably start driving Adam's car, since nobody's using it, amirite?

 

Over at Crimson Lights, Stitch tells Dylan the past keeps rearing its ugly head and wrecking everything.  Detective Dylan thinks there must be more to Stitch’s story.  There is.  There’s enough to make Victoria understand…and maybe even win her back.  She walks up behind him and HEARS!  Staring.

 

Madam Obvious messes with Nick’s head.  She says he turns to his lost daughter in times of need.  He had a conversation with his daughter’s spirit that led him to uncover the truth.  Flashback to Nick telling Cassie he had to get another DNA test.  He’s like how could you possibly know that?!  I don’t know, maybe because you people are transparent as glass?  Or Victor could have hired her?  Quit being so damn gullible.  “Don’t give up on the truth.  Refusing to see deception will only end badly for everyone," says his fortune cookie, I mean, Madam Is.

 

Austin tells Summer nothing her mom could do will break them up.  She’ll just have to accept it.  “You don’t know my mom,” says Summer.  “She can do really crazy things.”  Funny how this never came up when she was sainting her all these months. 

 

Jack can’t find Phyllis.  There’s a knock on the cottage door.  Sharon opens it.  It’s Phyllis.  “You and I need to have a little talk.”

[peacheslatour]

OMG peach!!  Wine...wine all over my keyboard.  Oh, girl you're killing me over here!

[Joimiaroxeu]

His news is about the interesting date he’s chosen for the wedding.  HALLOWEEN!  Muahahaha!

Heh, wonder who'll be getting the trick and who'll be getting the treat?

 

He'll probably start driving Adam's car, since nobody's using it, amirite?

Didn't Adam's car flip over, blow up, and fall into the river? If Billy doesn't want to sleep in Adam's old bed he probably wouldn't want to drive his totaled vehicle either. Wonder if Billy's going to replace all the bed linens and towels too?

[peach]

Adam's a billionaire, he probably has other cars.  But, I did forget about him destroying Adam's car since the whole town did, too.

[PsychedelicTrip]

These recaps are gold!   The show not so much..., but you make it way better than it actually is on screen, Peach.  Thanks for the laughs!   

[movinon]

 

She was up all night, finding out what everyone’s been keeping from her.  She hands Jack the tablet.  Can someone explain to her what the hell happened to Miley Cyrus??

I know this is ridiculous but this just cracks me up.  The show is so utterly boring - why can't they use something like this?  I will admit there was a little comment from Kevin (the I'm no snitch, Stitch remark) that was kinda smirk worthy, but it's just so not worth it.  I would have missed that one, except I do watch Kevin - that's how far the show has gone downhill - I watch Kevin.  Please, please keep doing the recaps for as long as I live, or I will have nothing.  

[peacheslatour]

I know this is ridiculous but this just cracks me up.  The show is so utterly boring - why can't they use something like this?  I will admit there was a little comment from Kevin (the I'm no snitch, Stitch remark) that was kinda smirk worthy, but it's just so not worth it.  I would have missed that one, except I do watch Kevin - that's how far the show has gone downhill - I watch Kevin.  Please, please keep doing the recaps for as long as I live, or I will have nothing.  

I was watching the character montage during the credits today and I thought "oh boy Kevin, yay" and then I knew this show had turned to shit.

[peach]

Mon, Oct 27    Just Eat A Damn Cookie

 

Sharon thinks Phyllis should be resting, somewhere far, far away.  “I just wonder if it’s safe for me, I mean, you to be up and around like this.”  Phyllis starts cocking her head like the Alien Queen is taking over.  “Safe?  Is anyone really safe?” she wonders.  Like what happened to her to the night of the accident.  “I remember, Sharon.  I remember everything.”  Sharon stares blankly.  She ain’t givin up shit.

 

Victor plops himself down at Maureen’s table at the club.  She asks if he found Nikki.  He says there was no charity meeting, so she lied for his wife.  Why would she do that, he asks.  Maureen is FORT KNOX.  She REALLY ain’t givin up shit.  She looks at Victor like kiss my Missouri ass.

 

Nikki is watching Faith at the ranch.  Faith has discovered a rhinestone tiara!  Nikki pretends she forgot all about having it and doesn’t wear it around the house when nobody’s looking.  She’s happy to loan it to Faith anyway.  She gets out her big ole mints, and Faith frowns.  Even she knows what those things are for.  Nikki says the “medication” she takes leaves a bad taste in her mouth.   She’s trying really hard to stop her bad habit.  Faith hugs her, and Nick comes in and overhears.   He looks upset.   Nobody ever gives him a mint.

 

Joe Superman is at the club, staring at Dylan’s address on his tablet again.  He asks Cane to join him, unless of course the boss might see him.  Cane’s laughs half-heartedly.  Lily’s in the office, so no.   They are both looking super fly.  Joe says a beautiful woman like that should be circulating.  Cane squints.  He suggests maybe Joe’s really in town because his ex is here making a life with the guy she left him for.  Joe smirks.

 

Victoria hears Stitch say there’s so much more to his story it will win her back.  Vicky’s all, oh, this is a private conversation, I should go…  “Victoria!  No, wait!” says Dylan, predictably.  She turns back, predictably.  Dylan gives a nice little speech about how hard it was to be in jail, for like a whole day, and how his situation appeared much worse to people who didn’t know better.  He knows how it feels to be misjudged.  He leaves and Victoria sits down with Stitch.

 

She admits she heard him telling Dylan that there more to his father’s death, and that he’s been trying to tell her something for weeks.  She thought it was just talk to get back together with her.  But now she’s thinking maybe there is something.   He asks if it would make a difference if there were.

 

Joe asks Cane how well he knows McAvoy.  Oh, he just gave him some advice on renovations and discovered the hidden trapdoors that lead to tunnels.   So, he’s just an acquaintance, then?  Cane grins and says Joe never answered the question about why he’s here.  Joe insists it’s just a coincidence.  He is NOT there because of Avery, it’s strictly business.  He says Lily told him about Cane turning down Victor’s offer to run Newman Chancellor.  That takes some guts.

 

Maureen is already weary of Victor’s schtick.  She says it was a misunderstanding.   The building was full of cops, and Nikki was somehow involved.  She knew something was out of the ordinary and she didn’t want to get her feet in it.  “And you decided to tell me an outright lie,” says Honest Victor.  Well, yeah, like how she lied to her own abusive, control freak, late husband.  Duh.

 

“After he lost his job, Richard got mean, and questioned everything I said or did regardless of whether there was reason to do so.  It was a fulltime job trying to placate him.”  The truth is, she didn’t know what Nikki was up to, and her instinct was just to cover for her, protect her.  “Protect her from what?” asks bossy, intimidating, nosy Victor.  Well, when she saw her in the suite, she thought maybe there was a man in her room.  Victor’s like, wait, what?

 

Faith shows off the tiara to Nick.  He sends her to get her stuff.  He heard Nikki tell Faith she was on new medication.  Uhhh, yeah, she’s going to be fine.  He knows it must have hurt like hell to have all that pain stirred up, and she’d do anything to stop it.

 

Phyllis says she knows why her accident happened.  She fell down the stairs. No kidding.  She had to help her memory along with the internet.  Jack confirmed what he could.  She feels more confident about the details now.  Details like…CREAMY NUDE??   She was on the phone with Jack, so he feels guilty, but HE wasn’t the one responsible.  Whose fault was it that you fell? stammers Sharon. 

 

Phyllis says…wait for it…it was her OWN fault.  She was rushing.  But then she asks Sharon if they saw each other that night, because she keeps thinking they did.  Sharon flashes back to talking to Phyllis at Cassie’s grave.  Sharon says she wasn’t at the event…that wasn’t where she saw her.  “What do you mean, Sharon?” asks Phyllis suspiciously.  “We did see each other??  WHERE?”  Sharon looks scared.

 

Nick says the kind of stress Nikki’s under doesn’t go away, it accumulates, like with Sharon.  He tells her they’re getting married on Halloween!  Because he’s tired of waiting.  “What’s the rush?” asks Nikki.  Yeah, this show just RUSHES ALONG.  He asks her how she does it, how does she stay with Victor with all the stuff he pulls, like trying to derail Shick’s wedding instead of being home with her.  “Your father is a very complicated [asshole] man.  But he’s a good man.  In spite of some of the things he’s done, I do love him.”  She can’t see herself with anyone else.  Well, that’s the same way he feels about Sharon.

 

He wants to get back to talking about her and her stress.  Nikki insists her stress level is all better since they locked up Ian Ward.  Faith comes down and they leave.  Nikki stares at her mints while the crazy piano music plays.  Then she looks at a brochure for Alcoholics Anonymous.

 

Victor appreciates Maureen’s candor, but he has no concerns about Nikki’s fidelity.  Fine.  He says she must really consider her a close friend to go out on a limb for her.  Hey, it’s a sister thing.  She says it happened fast, but they might be joint grandmothers soon.  “She’s a very compassionate woman, you know.  If you told her about your marriage problems she would probably comfort you.”  As Maureen did  for her.  With a big ole bottle of vodka.  She has no agenda, Victor.  He says Nikki has a big heart, and a lot of people have taken advantage of that and hurt her.  Mostly him.  But that’s why he’s so protective of her. “The fastest way to make an enemy of me,” he half whispers, “is to hurt someone in my family.”  She nods at him like, whatever, bozo.

 

Stitch says there are things he’s never told anyone.. and if confiding in her could change things… He’s overcome and can’t speak.  Victoria compares his family murder situation to her “really dark place” that she confided in him.   She trusted him with all her anxiety about Billy.  Wow.  After she found out what he was hiding...she’s wondered how she could have gotten it so wrong, been so blind and gullible.  He says he wasn’t tricking her.  Blah blah, she doesn’t know if she can raise this kid with a man with a violent history, who doesn’t trust her enough to tell her the truth that she just judged him for in the same sentence.  Stitch says give him a chance to make things right.  He gets up and rushes off.   I guess he has to go ask Mommy first. 

 

Cane asks if Joe knows Victor.  Not personally, but he knew Victor might be an obstacle if he was going to do deals in GC.  Yeah, Victor is going to stop you from tearing down a dump like Crimson Lights.  Cane says Victor offered him a chance to run Chancellor but there were personal complications.  Joe says it’s probably a good thing to be out of the shark tank and running this good thing with Lily.  Cane smirks because he knows Joe’s just sticking it to him.

 

Dylan interrupts.  Joe goes all Puddy on him about water under the bridge, we’re all adults, don’t be awkward.  He gets a call and leaves.  Dylan thanks Cane for not listening to him about sealing off the bootlegger tunnel, so they could catch Ian Ward when he came through it.  Cane’s glad it all worked out.   Dylan says he seems pretty familiar with Joe Clark.  Yeah, they did a deal in Chicago.  Cane apologizes for giving Joe Michael’s number.  He had no idea he was Avery’s ex. 

 

Victor gets home and Nikki hides her brochure in a pile of mail.  They argue about her being part of PaulWilliams clandestine operation when Victor didn’t know about it!  She’s like welcome to my world.  Then they argue about him trying to ruin Nick’s relationship.  He doesn’t have a monopoly on protecting the family!  Well, she went out and risked her life, and that’s unacceptable to him!  She asks if he’s mad that he wasn’t  in on the planning…or that Paul WAS.  “If you want to preserve this marriage, you will no longer engage in operations like that without me knowing!”  Like Nikki and Paul are going to form a detective agency like Hart To Hart.  “NO MORE SECRETS!” 

 

Sharon admits she remembers seeing Phyllis at Cassie’s grave.  “You told me, ‘I heard everything you said.’”  She knows it doesn’t make sense.  It’s like she TOLD Phyllis, she WANTS to know the truth!  She doesn’t want to hurt Nick!  So, she’s not hiding the truth!  If Phyllis knows what it is, SHE should tell Sharon!  Phyllis says it’s not that simple.  Her brain’s as scrambled as Sharon’s.  She looks at a family photo and expresses shock at how big Faith has gotten.  She can’t decide if she looks more like Sharon or Nick…”but then again, we only see what we want to see.”  Sharon’s like wtf? 

 

Nick and Faith walk in.  Faith sees Phyllis.  “You’re Summer’s mom.  You fell down at the wedding” and ruined it and crushed my childhood dreams.  “That’s right,” says Phyllis.  “But I got up and I’m all better now.”  Good for you.  Nick’s like, sooo, what’s going on?  Sharon says that’s what she’d like to know. 

 

Nikki asks if “no more secrets” applies to both of them, or just her.  They argue about how she could never reach him.  He’s like, you stopped taking my calls!  She asks if he honestly thought she could face what she was going through alone?  “But you weren’t alone, were you?  WERE YOU???” he bellows.  How does she think he felt when PaulWilliams lectured him on paying attention to her, or when some strange woman lies to him to cover up a man being in her suite. 

 

Nikki’s like WHAT THE HELL?!  She’s furious about him even talking to thatwoman.  “It’s very simple,” says Victor.  “I used to trust you implicitly.  If you keep up this behavior, I won’t, I can’t!”  Well let Nikki tell him this.  This thing about openness and honesty has to go both ways.  Now she’s got an appointment with a bottle.  He says have a great time.  “I WILL!” she shouts.

 

Phyllis says she came over to talk about her daughter and the role she’s playing in her life.  Sharon insists she never tried to replace Phyllis.  Nick says Summer was really struggling and needed a strong adult woman in her life, but Sharon stepped up.   It’s been great for Summer.  Phyllis manages to concede that she really appreciates that, but she’s back now.  Sharon’s like no problem, you can totally have Summer back.  “She needs YOU.”  Phyllis says a child needs both her parents in her life, or three or four of them. 

 

Phyllis sits down with Faith and looks at her storybook.  It’s her favorite story about the wicked witch who steals a little girl and gives her to a woodsman named Jack in the enchanted forest.  Sharon says that sounds scary but Faith just laughs.  Phyllis says it all works out in the end.  The witch gets what’s coming to her, she says, looking at Sharon with glittering eyes.  Sharon is creeped out.

 

Dylan gives Victoria cookies.  She seems confused.  She goes on her usual boring rant about why she didn’t get the paternity test and Stitch and Billy.  Just eat the cookies and shut up.   She knows she has to stop bouncing back and forth between them, which is hilarious, since Billy couldn’t care less anymore because sex.

 

After trashing thatwoman Maureen, Nikki shows up at her door.  She could really use a shoulder.  Mo says she ran into Victor, is that the trouble?  She explained to him she was coming from a good place, and it seemed like he was just glad Nikki had a friend.  HA!!  Nikki says her dearest friend died last year, and she doesn’t have anyone she can be herself with. 

 

Maureen pulls out the booze, and Nikki’s all, no, I couldn’t!  Like she came there to play Yahtzee instead.  Of course Maureen gets her to accept.  Nikki starts to dish on what a jerk Victor is when there’s a knock on the door.  “Ma, it’s me.  I really need to talk to you.” I guess he’s from the Hell’s Kitchen section of Chesterfield, MO.   Nikki panics and hides in the bathroom.  Stitch comes in and asks if Maureen posted his bail.  Nope, but she would do anything for him.  If that’s true then hear him out.  Because he doesn’t need money right no.   What he needs is… She cuts him off in a panic.  She’s NOT having this conversation!  “YES, we ARE.  I want this over with!” says Stitch.  Nikki listens!

 

Victoria's still blathering instead of eating a delicious chocolate chip cookie.  Dylan knows Stitch is holding back, but he knows he’s not a murderer, not after serving with him overseas.   That’s how you find out who a man really is.  “It’s not about the fancy suit, or the expensive watch, or the big business deal.”   Vicky’s like, umm, that doesn’t sound like Stitch.  Who is he talking about?  He’s talking about Joe Fucking Superman.

 

Cane knows Joe is scouting around for real estate in GC, which means he must have guys with deep pockets behind him.  Joe just smiles like the Mona Lisa, if the Mona Lisa had gorgeous, sculpted cheekbones.  Cane’s like, come on, you can tell me, I’m not the competition.  It’s good for business if big spenders are running around.  Joe hands Cane his tablet and says if this deal pans out there are going to be lots of winners.  Mostly Joe.  Cane stares at the Joe Clark business plan.  Hang on a second, there is something he forgot to mention. 

 

Nick asks if Phyllis is there to play games.  Who, Phyllis?  No, she says it’s just odd for her to see them together, like before she stole him out of that house.  And before the accident, he was engaged to her sister.  Nick says his breakup with Avery was a pretty rough time.  “And I assume Sharon helped you pick up the pieces?”  Well, yeah.  And he’s glad.  Well, from what Phyllis understands, she also helped hurry things along in the breakup department.  Sharon rolls her eyes.  Nick gets that she’s having a hard time adjusting to all the changes, but that doesn’t give her the right to disrespect his fiancée.  “Was I doing that?” asks Phyllis sarcastically.  “Oh, please,” says Sharon. 

 

Nick says Sharon’s worked really hard to get where she is, and has been a GODSEND to him.  She is the reason Summer’s stayed an important part of his life.  It’s so surprising and touching to hear Nick talk this way about Sharon helping him get over the shock of Summer not being his daughter.  Sharon goes to check on Faith.  Nick asks Phyllis what she’s up to.  What is this really about?  IT’S ABOUT DRAGGING THIS OUT FOREVER.

 

Victor has his own drink, and gets out his phone to call Nikki, but he throws it down instead.  It knocks the mail off the bar and exposes the AA brochure.  OHHHH, thinks Victor.

 

Maureen says Stitch is in no frame of mind to talk.  He needs to go to the gym or something and THEN they can talk.  “NO, MOM!  IT’S TIME.  I have to tell the truth about Dad’s death!”    Don’t, says Maureen.  Nikki listens with her mouth open.

 

Dylan admits he’s not talking about Stitch.  Somebody’s really gotten under his skin.  He finally met Joe Clark, and the guy’s a walking Rolex ad.   And Dylan’s just a poor barista.  And Avery didn’t tell him Joe was here.  Vicky’s like, hello, you’ve been busy with jail and such!  Yeah, but there’s something he doesn’t trust about the guy.   And he won’t go away.

 

Cane says Joe neglected to mention that Dylan McAvoy, finder of trapdoors, was going to be the loser in this deal.  Joe says it’s nothing personal, it’s just business.  Cane acts like he cares.

 

Phyllis says she’s there because of Summer.  She went through hell this year, starting with that DNA test that pulled the rug out from under her.  Is it any wonder she ran away and married a felon?  Hey, if she’s implying he and Jack weren’t paying attention.  Oh, they were, and so was Sharon.  Of all the things she’s learned since waking up, that has been the most breathtaking.   But her love for Summer surpasses her antipathy for Sharon.  So…maybe she misjudged her.  Maybe it’s time to right some wrongs.  Sure.

[Slowpokey]

OMG!!! "I guess he’s from the Hell’s Kitchen section of Chesterfield, MO." ROTFLMAO! Hilarious Peach! I am a Missouri girl and when I read this I couldn't stop laughing.I grew up in Kirkwood and used to ride horses every summer in Chesterfield at my Grandparent's farm. And every Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner was spent there. It really is a small world.(: Love your witty recaps!

[glowlights]

Dylan McAvoy, finder of trapdoors

 

LOL! This should be his official character description.

 

And can someone explain why Nikki having an AA brochure would seem out of the ordinary? Doesn't Victor recall that she's a recovering alcoholic and has attended AA meetings?

[peach]

Tue, Oct 27   Genoa City Web MD

 

Maureen’s freaking out because Stitch is about to blab the big family secret with Nikki listening in the bathroom.  She says he doesn’t know what he’s saying!  “The hell I don’t!” says Stitch.  She tries to get him to go downstairs and talk there.  Stitch thinks they’ve talked enough, the outcome is always the same.  She wants him to keep living a lie!  She says she just wants what’s best for the family!  So does he!  That’s why it’s time for people to know HE DIDN’T KILL HIS OLD MAN!  Nikki’s mouth is still open like she’s trying to dry her lipgloss.

 

Ashley’s in her fancy schmancy new lab, on the phone with someone about getting the paperwork she needs to get to the patent attorney tomorrow.  She puts down her CONFIDENTIAL file to run to the accounting office.  Who should happen to appear but Victoria.  She lets herself in, looking for Abby.  Hmm, is that a CONFIDENTIAL file she sees??

 

Billy’s finding that moving into Adam and Chelsea’s house is harder than he thought it would be.  He teases her about all her stuff, since her closet looks like Fenmore’s, but seriously, there’s a change he needs to make. 

 

Jill and Lauren talk bizness at the club.  Jill goes over the financials, and they’re better than expected because everything everyone does is a super success in GC.  Lauren’s channeling a go-go dancer today.  Jill doesn’t want to admit that Madam Isadora really brought in the business.  She hoped their customers had more refined taste.  Amen.  Anyway, Jill doesn’t believe in all that hooey.  Lauren does, and if her reading by Madam Is is true, then they’re in trouble!

 

Michael reads up on needle biopsies for prostate cancer on the internet.  HE READS IT OUT LOUD.  He is making me hear words like “urinary system” on my show!!  As Victor would say, this is un-ac-ceptable to me!  Kevin interrupts, thank God.  Michael looks like he’s going to tear his throat out for doing so.

 

Billy has a problem with the bed.  But before he can get to that, he wants to dictate what Connor’s Halloween costume should be.  Chelsea is going to be Mary, and Connor’s going to be her little lamb.  Billy thinks that’s lame.  He says he’s more of the black sheep.  Flirting and kissing.

 

Maureen says Stitch is talking crazy!  “Victoria needs to know what happened the night Dad died!”  Mo says that won’t change anything!  He’ll never be able to square it with Victoria that he lied about prison and stealing an identity.  Stitch is like, you TOLD me to fight for what I want!  She meant to focus on the future and FORGET about the past.  How can he do that when it keeps ruining his life!  He’s already lost Jenna and Max, he’s not going to lose Victoria, too!  Nikki can’t even eavesdrop in a bathroom competently and makes a bunch of noise.  “What is that?!” asks Stitch.

 

Ashley walks back in the lab and busts Victoria holding the file.   She snatches it out of Victoria’s hand.  Vicky acts all innocent about looking for Abby.  She comments on the amazingness of the lab and how she and Jack must be expecting a big payoff.  Ashley’s like go wait for Abby in the lobby, you Newman scum.  Victoria admits she’s not JUST there to see Abby.  She’s there to talk to Ashley…about Stitch.

 

I Dream Of Lauren keeps trying to get Jill to ask her about the reading..about the man who is putting them in jeopardy.  Jill’s like, what man??  Madam Is says to beware of a wolf in sheep’s clothing, who has an Australian accent and is married to your sister, says Lauren, dissolving in laughter.  But seriously, keep an eye on your husband.  He’s been MIA so long I was thinking she might have him locked in the attic again.  Jill says he’s been on his best behavior, and is a bonus for the business.

 

Lauren admits Colin can be smart.  Smart?  HE IS BRILLIANT, says Jill.   He knew immediately how to fix some problem at Chancellor.  Jill is super bitter about Katherine leaving it to Victor instead of her.  Profits would be SOARING under Jill!  Lauren say then she can make the profits soar for a hotel dress shop!  Lauren can’t remember when they’ve both been so darn happy.   Jill picks up on how great Michael and Lauren’s sexy times must be now.  Lauren’s just full of joy because after everything she and Michael  have been through, they are in SUCH A GOOD PLACE.

 

Kevin wants to know what Michael’s hiding on his computer?  A dirty website? he grins.  Yes, it's absolutely disgusting.  Michael snaps that it’s confidential client stuff.  Kevin just came by to extend Mariah’s thanks for rushing her annulment through.  He just wishes her gratitude extended to him!  He whisked her away for protection and she didn’t even say thanks.  Kevin keeps complaining until he notices that Michael’s really stressed out.  This “case” he’s working on could be the toughest of his life.

 

Victoria says seeing Stitch in the park with Ashley got her thinking.  Ashley insists yet again that it’s just business with him.  So Victoria inflicts her annoying angst on Ashley, whining about how Ashley’s seen fit to look past all of Stitch’s horribleness to trust him and see a good man.  How?  Blah blah.  Ashley’s like, um, I’m Billy’s SISTER.  I’m not going to tell you things to turn you toward Stitch.  Vicky says not choosing Stitch doesn’t mean she’s going to choose Billy.   Ashley knows they have been through a lot, but she still thinks Vicky and Billy belong together.  Vicky sanctimoniously says maybe somebody should have told him that before he decided to move in with Chelsea.  AFTER YOU REJECTED HIM OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

 

Billy still thinks being a baby lamb will scar Connor for life.  Blah joke blah.  He says his corny jokes are one of the many reasons she LOVES him.  Chelsea gets all awkward with the LOVE talk.  He goes upstairs to unpack some more in Adam’s closet.  Chelsea goes to a drawer and pulls out the wedding handkerchief from Adam and stares at it.   She grabs her purse and leaves.

 

Stitch says he heard a noise in the bathroom.  Maureen claims it’s just the pipes in this old claptrap hotel.  Nikki gingerly sets her drink down and sneaks her DAMN MINTS out of her purse.  Does she think Stitch is going to kiss her?  Maureen says there is nothing he can say to wipe the slate clean with Victoria.  And things could get WORSE, not just for her, but think of his SISTER.  He HAS, every day since Dad died.  Maureen GRABS him desperately.  “PLEASE, don’t do anything rash!!”  He promises to take some time before making a decision.  He leaves, and Nikki comes out of the john.  “So Stitch didn’t kill his father??”

 

Michael is extremely hostile to someone on the phone about a legal brief, and slams a bunch of papers around.  Kevin asks when did his cool, calm, collected brother start acting like a crazy person?   Maybe he needs to talk about something.  Lauren interrupts.  She came to take him to lunch, but he has to get to a deposition.   He rushes off.  Kevin notices that he forgot his briefcase, so he runs out into the hall, to overhear Michael on the phone.  “I’m so glad you didn’t call my house.  I don’t want my wife knowing about this.”

 

Someone’s ringing Chelsea’s doorbell, leaving poor Billy to answer it.  Jill comes storming in.   She is livid that she went to the Abbott house and he wasn’t in it anymore. She is disgusted that Billy gave up the BEST THING that ever happened to him to move in here with thatwoman.  Thatwoman who was married to ADAM.  TO ADAM NEWMAN, that MONSTER who drove the car that…  She can’t even finish.  She’s like why have you done this??  Um, sex?  He says, honestly, Mom, I’m not exactly sure.   Let’s just file it under:  Overwhelming Stupidity.

 

Ashley’s like, YOU’RE SERIOUS?  Billy and Chelsea are moving in together?  Yep.  Ashley thinks Billy’s still just lost and grieving over Delia.  Sooner or later he’ll find his way back to Victoria who divorced him no matter how much he begged her not to.  After complaining about Chelsea, Vicky says it’s too late.  Ashley’s like what are you doing here??  Do you want me to tell you that Stitch is the guy you should be with?  No, she just wants answers.  She feels like he’s still holding something back.   Does Ashley know something she doesn’t?  THAT YOU’RE ANNOYING.

 

Nikki asks Maureen, if Stitch didn’t kill her husband, then who did? Mo says she misunderstood and offers her another drink.  She doesn’t want a drink, she wants to know what Stitch was talking about.  Her daughter might be having his kid, and he’s already lied once.  If there’s something Victoria needs to know, Maureen better say what it is.  Maureen twists everything around and acts like it’s just Stitch not coming to terms with what happened. 

 

In a confusing conversation she says the evidence pointed to murder, so Stitch just confessed, and has had a hard time dealing with the consequences.  Nikki thinks she should get the police to reopen the case!  Forensics are so much better than they were before.  Mo’s like, uh, that’s not gonna happen. Nikki frowns.  “Why wouldn’t you want to clear your son?”  Mo looks like she might dump Nikki down a hidden trapdoor.

 

Jill says so Billy admits he’s making a mistake!  He didn’t say that.  He’s like can we just have one conversation when you don’t put your personal spin on everything I say?!  She says she could if he would just be honest with her.  Billy says he’s in love with Chelsea.  Jill says he just had his heart broken!!  He doesn’t know WHAT he’s feeling right now!  Billy says his heart isn’t the issue, it’s Chelsea who’s still holding on…to Adam. 

 

Chelsea’s lighting a candle in the chapel.  She talks to Adam. 

 

Kevin tells Michael it doesn’t SOUND like he’s headed to a deposition.  “Were you eavesdropping??”  Yes, says Kevin.  It’s not what Kevin thinks.  Michael’s tired of people assuming he’s having affairs.  He gets in the elevator and tells him to LET IT GO.  Lauren comes out and asks if Kevin caught him.  Yeah, he sure did.

 

Ashley’s like, fine, Stitch is a great chemist and loves his kid.  She trusts him.  What else do you want?  Victoria claims this has nothing to do with Billy and Chelsea.  Ashley asks if she ever needed to FIND a reason to love BILLY.  Well, no, they had magical gutter love.  Stitch walks in.  He’s like…hi.  Vicky pretends she’s only looking for Abby and leaves.  He’s sorry he’s late, he had a crazy night.  She knows he got arrested last night.  And now they have to talk about his future with Jabot.

 

Mo says there’s nothing Victoria should know.  Well, then why on earth wouldn’t she do anything possible to help her son?  Mo says clinging to the past won’t help KELLY who’s struggling with so much right now.  Poor Kelly.  Nikki’s trying to protect her own family, and she thinks Maureen is holding something back.  Mo says this is a private matter, and she wants to keep it that way.  Nikki understands THAT, doesn’t she?  Mo holds out a drink.  “After all, you’ve relied on MY discretion.”    Ooo, blackmail. 

 

Lauren says she’s going to plan a special romantic surprise for Michael’s dinner.  Kevin’s not sure he deserves it…for, uh, blowing off lunch.  Lauren’s too lovey and trusting to let it bother her.  She leaves.  Nosy Kevin gets on Michael’s computer.

 

Michael forces us to listen to him talk to his doctor about prostate grossness.  It’ll be few days before they know what they’re dealing with, but then I’m sure they’ll tell us all about it.  Maybe Michael can get a colonoscopy, too, and tell us all about polyps.  Lauren sends Michael a romantic text.

 

Chelsea holds the wedding handkerchief and cries.  It’s so funny how it just showed up in Connor’s nursery.  It reminded her of the life they almost had.  She never thought she could find that kind of happiness with anyone else.  But she has.  And he’s not gonna like it, since it’s with Billy who killed him four times.  She looks up.  “No thunder?  No lightning?”  She weeps and says she has to let go and move on, etc.  “I love you, Adam, but it’s time for me to say goodbye.”  She leaves the handkerchief with the candles and slips out.  Some ladies’ pumps appear in the doorway, and I really hope those aren’t Adam’s Feet.

 

Some workmen come in and he sends them up the bedroom, because leave it to Billy to start removing furniture in a house he hasn’t lived in for one night.  Jill disagrees with all of this!  Chelsea’s still carrying a torch for that piece of human garbage that killed his daughter!  Billy says he just has to convince her heart’s in the wrong place.  Jill thinks he still belongs with Victoria!  Billy’s like it’s OVER WITH VICTORIA.  When is he gonna get it through everyone’s thick skulls?  Oh, yeah?  Well, what if this baby is his?  How over will it be then?  Billy frowns.

 

Ashley’s finished giving Stitch his choices.  He picks option number two.  It’s his hotel room for their trip to Madison.  She needs HIM to meet the patent attorney, and Avery says it’s okay.  OMG!  “It was you!” says Stitch.  Of course it was.  Ashley paid his bail.  She doesn’t need her lead chemist behind bars!   He’s glad to go on this trip and put some distance between himself and Victoria.  He has to think about a family matter.

 

Nikki gets home and hits the bottle.  Wait, she puts it down.  She calls Victoria.  She says she has something to tell her about Stitch.  Vicky thinks it’s about  his arrest yesterday, so she already knows.   She thinks Nikki sounds kind of funny, but she insists she’s fine.  Nikki hangs up and decides to have that drink after all.

 

Jill says Billy can deny it all he wants, but he knows in his HEART that the only woman he’s ever truly loved is Victoria.  “You knew it when she picked you up out of that gutter…ya know it now!”  Ha!  Jill referenced gutter love today, too!  And if that baby is his, there’s no way on God’s green earth he’s not going to want to raise it with Victoria.  She doesn’t want to hear any coparenting bullshit.  If that baby is his, none of this will mean ANYTHING!  She storms out. 

 

The workmen haul away the mattress with the Adam cooties, and Billy says they can burn it.  Rich people.  Chelsea comes in as it goes.  So that’s the change?  She’s cool with it.  Good, because he doesn’t want her to think he’s not considering her feelings when he throws away her stuff without asking.  Also, now they have to go mattress shopping and that takes ALL DAMN DAY.  Chelsea wants him to know something.  “I love you, Billy Abbott.”  You can throw out my stuff whenever you want.  They kiss.

 

A woman dressed all in black, with a burlap sack wrapped around her head, takes the wedding handkerchief and stuffs it her pocket.  She blows out the candle Chelsea lit.  She looks up, and it’s…I don’t know!  I didn’t watch this show for ten years!  Maybe Adam got quite a bit of plastic surgery.  I'm pretty sure NO ONE will recognize him now.

Edited October 30, 2014 by peach

[movinon]

 

Michael forces us to listen to him talk to his doctor about prostate grossness.  It’ll be few days before they know what they’re dealing with, but then I’m sure they’ll tell us all about it.  Maybe Michael can get a colonoscopy, too, and tell us all about polyps

We have to think positive - maybe they are trying to make the show educational - God knows, it's not entertaining.

[photo fox]

“Ma, it’s me. I really need to talk to you.” I guess he’s from the Hell’s Kitchen section of Chesterfield, MO.

Ha! I think they tore it down and built an outlet mall.

[peach]

Ha! I think they tore it down and built an outlet mall.

They're from the mean streets behind The Macaroni Grill and The Gap.

 

I just noticed your avatar.  ;)

Edited October 30, 2014 by peach

[glowlights]

We have to think positive - maybe they are trying to make the show educational - God knows, it's not entertaining.

 

Actually, this is what I feared - Y&R will become one big Very Special Episode of Blossom in which we have to hear all the details about Michael's little fella, while the Newman subsidiary that almost succeeded in ridding the world of Summer with caffeine pills will be enlisted to create a cure for cancer in Ashley's pretty new lab, which she will donate for the greater good so Lauren is not forced once again to whore it up with a mob bartender. Lots of people will hang around GC hospital reciting lines from public service announcements and preaching to us about prostate symptoms, and the big payoff will be Fen donating half his prostate for a transplant performed by Stitch, who is very confused and thinks it's like donating part of your liver, which worked out okay for Paul, and it's not like any of these writers have a clue.

 

It would be much better if they just ended a couple of episodes with info on how to get this brochure:

http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/wyntk/prostate/page1

[peach]

November actually is prostate cancer awareness month, but I would prefer my SOAP OPERA ignore such laudable goals.  Unless it's something really dramatic.  Like Ebola.  They could somehow make Ebola boring, though.

[Slowpokey]

Ha! I think they tore it down and built an outlet mall.

Love the Cards!!!!(:

[peach]

OMG peach!!  Wine...wine all over my keyboard.  Oh, girl you're killing me over here!

I want you to know this is always my goal.  Splattered keyboards.  That's my bullseye.

[glowlights]

November actually is prostate cancer awareness month, but I would prefer my SOAP OPERA ignore such laudable goals.  Unless it's something really dramatic.  Like Ebola.  They could somehow make Ebola boring, though.

 

My father-in-law is a prostate cancer survivor, and I would prefer my soap opera ignore the opportunity to make a cringe-inducing mockery of that disease. I mean, look what they've done for bipolar disorder...

 

Ebola, hmmm... Ebola would require everyone to dress in Hazmat suits, and if that's what it takes to put Fenmore's out of business then I'm all for it.

[peach]

Wed, Oct 29    She's Back, Jack

 

Nick is actually working, mixing glowing green drinks at The Underground while listening to some dumb song about “kickin’ it at the crib.”  That should be badass biter Connor’s theme song.  This green concoction looks like a Skylab from Pat O’Brien’s.  Summer shows up dressed like Elmer Fudd.  He needs her opinion on his corny drink names.  Do you want to know what they are?  Morguearita, Pina Ghoulada, and Bloodthirsty Mary.   Clearly, I would rather discuss anything than this boring conversation about how mean old Phyllis will never accept Summer’s marriage.  Everyone was obviously much happier when Phyllis was in a coma.  They were all deliriously damn happy, IIRC.

 

Avery is hanging out with Phyllis, who’s looking at Summer’s wedding album in disgust.  Summer has TWO dads, how could either one of them be okay with this?  Avery says they were all concerned about her marriage.  Blah blah Austin shot Paul.  Avery points out that Summer and Austin were already legally married, and this church thing was just a formality.  There was nothing anyone could do.  NOTHING?  What about an annulment?  Avery reminds Phyllis that Summer is a legal adult. 

 

“So that’s it, everyone just forgave and forgot what Austin did?” asks attempted murderer Phyllis.   Avery says she’s trying…for Summer.  “Well, you are a better person than I am,” says Phyllis.  NO SHIT!  “I wouldn’t be able to forgive someone who hurt me that easily,” she sneers, “and I NEVER forget.”  But everyone can go ahead and forgive me.

 

Cane goes over linens and balloons with Lily, which I thought was Kelly’s job.  Lily’s super distracted, so what is going on?  She says Hilary is hiding something from Dad, something HUGE.  She knows he’s going to think she’s crazy, like Devon does, but she’s a woman and women know the signs.  Hilary is pregnant!!  Oops, Neil has stealthily clattered his way behind her and HEARD THAT!  He’s like, WHAT?

 

Jack is super impressed with Hilary’s amazing work at the convention.  She got their foot in the door in South America.  Pretty amazing for an admin assistant.  She looks smashing in hot pink, except for looking sick and bored as usual.  She says they both know he sent her to New York as a favor to Neil.  Jack hopes she got some needed perspective.  She flashes back to lipsmacking with Devon.  Yeah, whatever, she’s glad to be home. 

 

He says if she ever needs to talk to him, about anything… Kelly comes barging in like a big clod.  “Jack.  You have to choose!  Either you want to be with Phyllis, or you want to be with me.  What’s it gonna be?”  Jack glances at Hilary.  Kelly’s like, d’oh!  Maybe this isn’t a work conversation.

 

Phyllis wants to know why nobody else is as upset about this marriage as she is.  BECAUSE YOU WERE LATE.  Avery says Jack and Nick were furious!  But they set aside their anger for Summer’s sake.  “Oh, they folded out of fear,” snaps Phyllis.  Avery tries to explain how love works, but Phyllis doesn’t want to hear how they decided how a criminal wasn’t such a bad guy. 

 

Avery says there’s a lot Phyllis doesn’t know about Austin.  She gives a recap.  And if Dylan hadn’t tried to rescue her like an idiot, Paul probably wouldn’t have been shot.  She’s like, you’re blaming DYLAN?   Of course not, because Dylan SAVED Paul’s life.  When he found out he was Paul’s son…  Phyllis is like, WHOA!  PAUL is Dylan’s FATHER??  Avery’s like, ooo, you need to brace yourself.

 

She tells Phyllis about how Paul and Nikki are Dylan’s bio parents.  Phyllis is like…Nikki Newman?  She sits down.  Avery explains how Nikki gave him up as a baby, and Dylan never knew he was adopted.  Phyllis is stunned.  “The hits just keep comin.’  Wait a minute…that means—“  “Dylan and Nick are brothers, finishes Avery.  “HO-LY CRAP.”  She really has missed a lot.  You have no idea, says Avery.

 

Hilary suddenly needs to work on her expense reports and skedaddles.  Kelly says, SORRY, but the door WAS open.  To his office.  Where he works with people.  Kelly’s just frustrated because the last time she saw Jack, he said he loved her.  And then…  “I told Phyllis you were ‘Billy’s friend,’” he acknowledges.  He didn’t mean to hurt her.  He had no idea Phyllis was going to walk in right then.  It just seemed like the wrong time to tell her.  Kelly says there’s never going to be a right time.  Jack says but it’s going to be [terrifying] rough.  She insists that Phyllis NEEDS to hear it from HIM, and not somebody else.   Jack says he has to figure out HOW and when. 

 

Whatever, Kelly can’t do this anymore.  Coma aftermath needs to get wrapped up in a day or two, tops. Phyllis isn’t a photo on the mantel, she’s a real, live, [fire]breathing person in his living room, and um, bed.  Jack says he’s been sleeping in the guest room.  Big deal.  How does he think she felt when he stood there and pretended he didn’t have feelings for her, and made her out to be some low rent “friend” of BILLY’S.  She says, you WERE pretending, weren’t you?  Jack stares in confusion.

 

Devon accosts Hilary in the office.  He just needs to ask her a question.  She’s like you already KNOW the answer.  YES, she loves him, but it doesn’t make a difference.  Well, it does if she’s carrying his child.  Hilary’s like, WHAT?  Devon asks if she’s pregnant.  Hilary looks at him like he must be wasted again.

 

Neil’s like will someone tell me what’s going on?  Hilary’s pregnant?!  Cane is distressed and says this is how rumors start.  Neil says, so she’s NOT pregnant?  Lily says she could be!  I mean, omg, she got upset over nothing and didn’t eat her lunch!  IT’S CLASSIC.  Neil admits she did mention starting a family when they got married and were still sleeping together.  Cane’s like, guys, guys, we don’t even KNOW she’s pregnant.  Lily keeps egging on the discussion.  She and Neil think Moses needs a brother.  And Hilary would make such an amaaaazing mother.  A baby with Hilary is exactly what he needs.  Cane finally snaps.  “All right, you CAN’T have a baby with Hilary!!” he shouts.  Neil and Lily are like, wtf, Cane?

 

Cane says that didn’t come out quite right.  He just thinks NOW might not be the best time to start a family.  Wasn’t Neil just saying he wanted a divorce a couple weeks ago.  Omg, that was a mistake and it was two whole weeks ago.  Right, but maybe Neil is kind of impulsive and double minded and needs to get used to his condition first.  Hey, almost losing Hilary made Neil realize he can’t live without her.  Cane’s just shaking his head in frustration.

 

Hilary asks Devon WHO told him she was pregnant?  He just wants to know if the baby is his.  There IS NO baby.  He’s like…oh.  Sorry.  It’s just that Lily said she ran off from lunch.   Blah blah blah, this isn’t a fantasy, blah, they can make a new reality, blah, NO.   Devon whines and whines.  Wait, I’ve got it.  HE’S Hilary’s baby.

 

Summer whines about Phyllis being such a bitch about Austin.  She was so happy before, and she thought the only thing that could make her happier was Mom waking up, and then she DID.  Now all her emotional abuse is making Summer feel like a loser.  Nick reminds Summer how upset HE was about her marriage at the time. 

 

He says her mom’s not going to write her off just because she’s not happy with the guy she’s with.  She’ll just seduce him or kill him or something.  Summer’s like, do you REMEMBER all the grief she gave Daniel over the girls in his life?  He had to leave the show to get away from her.  Nick says Phyllis loves her too much to let Austin come between them.  But not too much to get between Summer and Austin.    Maybe if I hadn’t lied to my super honest mom, says Summer.  Lying makes things so much worse!  “It always does,” says Nick.  He would know.

 

Phyllis says she thought Sharon had broken up Avery and Nick, but it was his own brother.  Avery says it wasn’t Super Dylan’s fault.   So when she left Nick at the altar…she was with DYLAN, wasn’t she?  Ummm, yeah.  Phyllis makes a big deal out of it.  What a terrible year for poor Nick.  Avery explains that Dylan was an emotional basketcase, okay?  He didn’t want anything to do with the Newmans at first.  “And now they’re a regular Brady Bunch?” asks Phyllis.  Saint Nikki made it all work out.  Phyllis mocks Dylan and Nick comparing notes on Avery.  Avery’s like you’re a jerk, and it isn’t like that.  “Too bad,” mocks Phyllis. 

 

Avery says it may seem to her like the all the wrong people are together, but A LOT happened while she was gone.  “Most of it’s really messed up,” says Phyllis.  Avery tells her whether she likes it or not, EVERYONE is with the person they should be with!  And she has to accept that.  Phyllis will NEVER accept that Nick belongs with Sharon!  Avery says she doesn’t have a choice.  “Wanna bet?”

 

Hilary tells Devon he HAS to stop this.  “Hilary, we’ve both tried to stop.  I know *I* have.”  WHEN??  Couples make him sad, you guys.  Blah dream blah.  It would kill Neil if they tell him.  Devon knows.  But they could compromise!  They can just cheat behind his back and never tell him.  Hilary acts offended even though that’s what they’ve been doing this whole time.  Devon is willing to do that because he’s really unselfish that way.

 

Kelly says it’s awfully quiet in there, Jack.  He says he saw Phyllis in the back of that church and his world split in two.  “I know it sounds selfish, but I wasn’t thinking of me.”  Hey, neither was Phyllis!  He was thinking there was a woman he loved deeply in both worlds, and he knew he was going to hurt one of them.  “Is it going to be me?” asks Kelly.  He swears his feelings haven’t changed.  But Phyllis will always have a place in his heart.  Kelly wants a place in his LIFE.  What does HE want?

 

Summer says that paternity stuff is ancient history.  Nick’s like what I did wasn’t fair to you, Phyllis, or Jack.  Summer thinks Jack can’t criticize good guy Nick when he’s “doing the exact same thing to Mom.”  Stealing someone’s kid is JUST LIKE having an extra girlfriend.  So Jack still hasn’t told Phyllis about Kelly?  Of course not.  And Summer didn’t tell her because once Kelly moved out it seemed like there was no point.   Summer admits she’s really just a coward.  Nick says that’s not her job.  Summer says she still knows the info and hasn’t shared it.  Nick says kids want their parents together.  Look at Faith.  They talk about the new wedding plans.  Nick hopes Summer can be there.  Ooo, sorry, she can’t because Mom’s too crazy.  But she wishes them all the best!!!  “Thanks, Supergirl,” says Nick.  Thanks for nothing.

 

Avery tells Phyllis that Sharon and Nick DON’T need her causing trouble for them!  They’ve been through enough this past year.  “Like Sharon torching Nick’s childhood home?”  Avery explains that they’ve had to come to terms with Sharon’s disorder and it’s brought them closer together.  Phyllis says 100 years ago, they would have locked Sharon up and thrown away the key! Well, they would have burned Phyllis at the stake.  Avery says Nick took the more compassionate route for the mother of his children. 

 

She defends Shick’s epic true love.  They’re happy together.  And so are Summer and Austin.  And Avery and Dylan.  And once Phyllis gets over all the shock, she will see the obvious that everyone is where they should be.  The only thing that’s obvious to Phyllis is that she is the ONLY ONE who sees things clearly with 1% of the facts.  She’s not going to let a coma stand in the way of her ego.

 

Hilary tells Devon that even if she WANTED to go along with this, Cane has already busted them!  She’s surprised he hasn’t said anything already.  Devon thinks Cane doesn’t want to hurt Neil either, and he won’t tell Lily because it will destroy their family. Yeah, TELLING is what will destroy it.  It’ll be all Cane’s fault.  Hilary says Cane HATES lying!  Devon thinks Cane is stupid enough to believe they’re not still seeing each other.   Hilary doesn’t.   Blah blah blah.

 

Lily hopes Neil isn’t mad at her for acting so dumb.  Of course not.  She’s glad he’s getting around so great and not pushing people away anymore.  He’s most grateful about Lily and Hilary being friends.  Lily thinks maybe friend is a strong word.  And Hilary will probably be upset that Lily spilled the beans about her surprise pregnancy.  Neil thinks they don’t have to ruin Hilary’s special moment!  But he needs Lily’s help. 

 

Shick is going to be together no matter what.  That’s exactly how Summer feels about Austin.  Loving him is out of her control.  He says her mom will have to accept it.  She wants Nick to put in a good word for him.  Nick thinks Avery would be better for that.  But Summer says Mom really [is obsessed with] trusts his opinion.  When she and Jack were arguing over Summer, Mom totally said she was going to ask NICK about it.  It’s like she still considers him her dad.  “Really?” says Nick.  He agrees to talk to her.  Off they go.

 

“What do I want?” asks Jack.  He wants for no one to get hurt.  She says then he has to be honest.  He just needs to find the right time, like never.  She says she can’t do it for ONE MORE MINUTE.  Even if he doesn’t choose her, he has to decide RIGHT NOW!  “Do you want to be with Phyllis?  Or do you want to be with me?!?!”  Jack stares.  Then HE GRABS KELLY and they start passionately making out.  He TEARS HIS JACKET OFF.  They fall onto the couch!  The door opens, and someone walks in.  What a bummer.

 

It’s just Avery.  Which is still kind of bad.  Kelly is situationally unaware at the moment, and excuses herself while practically fist pumping the air.  Jack gives her a long kiss before she goes.  Avery’s like, awk-ward.  She says Jack he HAS GOT to tell Phyllis about Kelly!  Jack says it’s not that simple.  Avery’s like, too bad.  She’s been in this situation more than once, and like it or not, he has to choose!  “And break someone’s heart!” he exclaims.  Yeah!  Pretty much!  But the longer he waits to tell Phyllis about Kelly, the more hurt she’s gonna be!”

 

Phyllis, meanwhile, hasn’t thought about Jack for five seconds today, while she leafs through Summer’s wedding pictures.  Summer arrives with good guy Nick to have a family talk, like old times.  They talk about how happy Summer is.  Phyllis thinks they are just putting on a show.  Summer’s just USING Nick to convince her to accept this sham of a marriage and it’s not going to work.  Summer’s like even a coma didn’t fix you.  Nick suggests she let him talk to Phyllis alone.  She’s like are you sending me away like Faith so the grownups can talk?  Yes, he is.  Father-daughter banter ensues.  Phyllis loves it.

 

Cane catches Devon in the lobby.  He’s pissed about listening to Neil talk for an hour about his fab future with Hilary that Devon is about to destroy.  Devon says he talked to Hilary and she’s not preggo.  He swears to keep his distance now.  Cane says if he does hook up with her again, he WILL tell Neil.   And he will tell him EVERYTHING. 

 

Hilary gets home.  Neil has lots of flowers for her.  She says he shouldn’t have gone to so much trouble.  Nothing is too much trouble for the mother of my child, he smiles.  Hilary’s face falls.  Stupid Lily!  He knows he should have waited for her to tell him, but his mind is racing with stuff like what color to paint the nursery.  Hilary says there’s been a misunderstanding.  She’s NOT pregnant.  But Lily said she didn’t eat her salad.   “Are you SURE?” asks Neil.  Omg, yes, she’s more sure than LILY if she’s pregnant.  Well, that’s okay, he wants to give her the family she wants.  How about they start NOW.  Hilary looks like she has to do her taxes.

 

Kelly comes bopping into the club, and Lily asks why she’s in such a good mood.  Well, she met PHYLLIS.   And that’s a good thing?  Well, it sucked at first, especially when Jack introduced her as Billy’s mistress.  But she decided to take some action. She charged Jack’s office and made an ultimatum.  And he didn’t answer with words, if youknowwhatI’msayin.  Lily LOVES to hear about dirty office sex.  Kelly says what Jack and Phyllis had…is in the PAST.  I think Kelly’s counting her billionaires before they’ve hatched.

 

Avery says it looks like Jack already made his choice.  He says that was just their “emotions” getting ahead of them.  Still, he can’t keep lying to Phyllis.  He knows, he knows.  But she was so wound up about Summer and Austin, he couldn’t tell her.  Avery says that’s not the only marriage she’s wound up about.  Whose?  Shick??  DUH!  She’s determined to stop it!  “You don’t think…she’s going to DO something, do you?”  Seriously?  She escaped a coma clinic and hitchhiked 700 miles to DO SOMETHING.  OF COURSE she’s going to DO SOMETHING.  Avery says “She’s back, Jack. And she’s worked up a head of steam, and God help anyone who gets in her way."  God help us all.

 

Phyllis goes off on Nick for allowing such a colossal mistake as Summer’s wedding. She’s 19 and incapable of thinking clearly.  Nick, Jack, and Avery were supposed to look after her.  He walked her down the aisle to that felon?  How could he do that?  Nick says he was NOT going to miss out on that moment.  Well, she’s not going to stand by and watch Summer ruin her life, any more than she’s going to stand by and watch him ruin his.  Nick says Summer is HER business, but this time tomorrow, he’s marrying Sharon, and there isn’t anything she can do to stop it.   Way to give her the details, dumbass.  He leaves.  Phyllis narrows her eyes.  “Don’t be so sure.”  God forbid you just tell him right now.

[movinon]

 

Maybe if I hadn’t lied to my super honest mom, says Summer.  Lying makes things so much worse!  “It always does,” says Nick.  He would know.

This cracks me up, Peach, but there are so many to pick from in this recap.  My comment on this is something about the acorn falling not too far from the tree, or some such shit.  Thank you for doing these - they always make my day.

[Joimiaroxeu]

“I wouldn’t be able to forgive someone who hurt me that easily,” she sneers, “and I NEVER forget.” 

Victor has said something similar to Maureen recently. I wonder if he and Phyllis are going to end up doing a little dance. She's going to be hella pissed at Jack about Kelly and Nikki's just about done with Victor for the gazillionth time, so maybe they'll commiserate their way into bed. It would have never happened with MS' version of Phyllis but I could see it with GT.

[peach]

Thurs, Oct 30     Can Someone Please Slap Victoria?

 

Sharon’s putting out Halloween treats.  Nick kisses her and asks if she’ll marry him.  “How about this afternoon?” says Sharon.  Kiss and flirt.  Faith starts calling MOMMY!!

 

Omg, the Y&R educational hour is featuring Billy Abbott explaining the origins of All Hallows Eve.  Shoot me now.  This is something he’s going to have to explain to Johnny one day, about death, and.. troubled souls…trying to find peace.  Sob.  It’s about troubled souls trying to find REESE’S CUPS, okay?  Get it straight.  Billy gets all maudlin and apologizes to shepherd girl Chelsea for being a downer.  Someone leaves a cardboard box at her doorstep.

 

Avery surprises Dylan at Crimson Lights in a Mardi Gras mask.  I’m laughing because the background song is “She’s my zombie girl, I’m a zombie boy.”  Is that a joke?  Cuz if it is, it’s pretty funny.  She says she’s Madam Butterfly?  Okay, whatever.   Dylan’s not much in the spirit of Halloween while he sorts his bills.  He’s been waiting for his new lease agreement.  Gee, I wonder what’s going to happen.  Dylan wants to make more improvements.  Avery likes the sound of making plans. It means their problems are behind them.  Dylan heaves a sigh.  What’s wrong, Dylan!!  “It’s your ex.”

 

Cane and Joe Superman drink coffee.  Joe asks Cane when he became such a bleeding heart.  Well, when Joe decided to destroy the livelihoods of people he knows and likes.  Joe’s like, what?  Crimson Lights??  The place McAvoy owns?  That’s right, and Joe told him it wasn’t personal.  But it IS personal for poor Dylan McAvoy and Fluffy Friends who have to relocate.

 

Joe’s like, give me a break.  Cane did stuff like this for Chancellor all the time and didn’t blink an eye.  “Maybe I should’ve,” says Cane.  Joe’s like, come on, buddy, get a grip.  You haven’t been out of the game that long.  There’s ONE motivating factor.  “To make money, as much as possible,” says Colin who just walked up.  He introduces himself.  Cane smirks.

 

Jabot’s security sucks because Victoria is strolling the hallways unsupervised again, and walks right into the lab that apparently doesn’t even have a locking door.  She snoops around, I guess hoping for a CONFIDENTIAL file to just be sitting out again.  Maureen also just waltzes right in the top secret lab.  They’re surprised to see each other.  They’re both looking for Stitch who must not have a phone.  Victoria immediately overshares that Stitch really wants to have a talk with her, and it sounded really cryptic!  “He said it was something that would change our future!”  Maureen’s like, yay.

 

I guess Stitch didn’t specify a time for his cryptic, future changing talk, because he’s half dressed in his Madison hotel room.  Ashley stops by and comes right in.  She asks shirtless Stitch what they should do for an hour before their appointment.  He’s like, you aren’t wearing that new perfume, are you?  She says why, you don’t have a sudden urge to kiss me, do you?

 

Billy’s learned to be grateful for what he’s got.  He’s grateful for Chelsea even though she’s not over Adam.  She IS over Adam thanks to his gentle persistence.  The doorbell rings.  It’s the box.  Billy ordered a monkey costume for Johnny.  Blah blah.

 

Avery can’t believe Dylan has an issue with Joe.  It’s been YEARS since they cuckolded him.  Dylan whines about Joe’s dig that he should have recognized him from bedside photos.  Avery says that was tactless of him.  Betrayed spouses are so RUDE.  Actually, Dylan thinks that’s the most honest thing Joe’s said.  He admits he saw Joe again at the club, and he said all kinds of crap like shit happens, let’s all be adults.  Obviously, he wants something. 

 

Dylan’s kind of upset because shit just got real.  He always told himself that Joe didn’t deserve her, that he didn’t love Avery like Dylan did.  But he could see it in his eyes, that Joe sees him as “that guy.”  That guy that wrecked his marriage.  He doesn’t see Super Dylan. :-(  Avery says there wasn’t a marriage to wreck at that point!  They were living completely disconnected lives.  “By the time you showed up, I wasn’t his to lose.”

 

Joe explains to Colin that he and Cane did deals in Chicago.  Colin claims he taught Cane everything he knows.  It pains him to see Cane running a bar!  Cane finds the whole conversation tiresome.  Mattie and Charlie coming running in dressed in their costumes.  Jill tells Colin her costume is going to be his executioner.  Hey, remember when that bad guy was going to execute him and then nothing happened?

 

Faith is having a cow because she’s missing HER TIARA for her zombie princess costume.  Nick doesn’t see this as that big of a crisis. Sharon got her a different costume anyway.  Okay, solved.  She’s like, what were we thinking getting married on the biggest holiday of the year.  It’s too hectic.  Nick says NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP THEM from tying the knot this time.  He goes to help Faith, and Sharon stares at Cassie’s photo.  “Why do I have this feeling something horrible is about to happen?” 

 

The doorbell rings.  It’s Mariah dressed like a ghost.  “Cassie?” whimpers Sharon.  Mariah points at her like the Ghost of Christmas Future.  Sharon almost has a seizure.  Mariah’s like, whoa, it’s ME, calm down!  Gosh, Mariah, how could that POSSIBLY have upset Sharon?  She pretends she was just playing along.

 

Victoria is kind of hoping maybe MAUREEN can help her, and tell her all about the circumstances surrounding her husband’s death.  I thought Victoria was supposed to be smart.  Vicky thinks she and Maureen want the same thing.  Maureen half laughs.  “Do we?  If you really loved my son…well, maybe you don’t know about that kind of love.  It’s the kind of love that allows you to forgive something no matter what they’ve done.”  Ask her mom or her brother.

 

Vicky complains yet again that she doesn’t know how she could have gotten it so wrong about Stitch, like this is important to the world at large.  Although Stitch has admitted there’s more to the story.  I don’t know who’s writing this crap, but Vicky makes zero sense by saying, “You’re accusing me of not loving your son enough, so maybe YOU can give me more details about the night his father died.”  Maureen looks at her like she doesn’t know who’s writing this crap either.

 

Stitch and Ashley joke awkwardly about the dumb perfume. He yawns because he didn’t sleep great last night.  She asks if got any more of that perspective where Victoria’s concerned. Stitch says it’s complicated and affects other people.  Ashley thinks he should shut out all the other voices.  What is his heart telling him to do?

 

Avery does some lawyering on the phone.  She’s aggravated with Hemorrhoid  Jeffrey’s lawsuit.  They talk again about how awesome Dylan is for being Stitch’s friend.  Chelsea and Billy bring the kids and their lame comedy routine into the coffee house.  Dylan is like, yo, you guys are LIVING TOGETHER?  Billy’s like, uh, yeah.  Is that a problem?  Dylan stares with his mouth half open.  He’s a zombie boy.

 

Choppy editing, but Jill is SO PLEASED to meet Joe!  He says she’s stunning in person.  She’s like, whoa!  “Says a man whose eyes a woman could drown in!”   Luckily, the life guard’s on duty, he responds.  He recognizes the name Fenmore.  Yeah, she’s that Fenmore.  She goes back to Colin and asks what he was thinking insulting his own son that way in front of a stranger?  She knows Colin is up to something, so tell her what it is.

 

Meanwhile Joe is joking around with Cane and Lily’s obnoxious children.  Cane takes them to the kitchen to get some food.  Joe tells Lily they’re beautiful kids.  She asks if he has any of his own.  No, he wanted to accomplish certain things in life like getting filthy rich, and he thought kids would get in the way of that.  If he had the chance to do it over again, he’d probably be a different person and probably a dad.  Like he’s too old to have kids now or something.  Women’s ovaries explode when he walks by.   Lily hopes one day he’ll meet a woman who will give him a chance to prove it. 

 

Dylan says he was just surprised.  Billy admits it was a spur of the moment decision, like all of his decisions.  He figured, why wait?  Dylan offers the kids’ treats.  He remarks that Connor’s getting big.  He and Chelsea look happy, and that’s all he’s ever wanted for her.  Same goes for her.   Dylan says he’s happier than he ever thought he’d be.  She asks when he and Avery are going to take the next step?  Well, when he’s more solid.  Chelsea’s like your BUSINESS is going GREAT so what’s the holdup?  You know, she’s right, the BUSINESS is going GREAT now.  So what’s he waiting for?

 

Faith runs down dressed as Little Red Riding Hood.  Mariah’s totally bummed that she’s not the zombie princess anymore!  But she couldn’t find the tiara.  Mariah’s going to take Faith trick or treating. She tells Nick to just concentrate on getting married and make it stick this time.  Nick says that’s the plan.  She says that was the plan LAST TIME.  And no pressure, but sometimes people get tired of being let down all the time, and it would be nice to, um, have…something to believe in.  Omg, she has finally succumbed to Shick.  It only leads to disappointment, Mariah, trust me.  Sharon takes a bunch of pictures, and Faith and Mariah leave. 

 

Nick starts thinking they should be trick or treating with the kids instead of getting married today, just as a reaction to troublemakers like Phyllis or Victor.   He’s let it be about the reasons people want to keep them apart, when it should be about the reasons they should be together.  Like, how every time she walks in a room, his heart does this ninja somersault thing.  And every time she laughs he gets so much joy from that.   Sharon’s like, awww.  “Joy and sparkle, what else could a man ask for?” he says.  Sharon says she has to marry Nick today, because she can’t wait to spend the rest of her life with him.  They kiss.  Why can’t we just have this, show?  WHY???

 

Nick carries Sharon to their bed while their love song plays.  He says it’s the last time they’ll be making love in sin.  They laugh.  He makes her feel beautiful, just as she is.  “No man has ever believed in me or stood by my as you have.”  “That’s because no man will ever love any woman as much as I love you.”  Everlasting, undeniable true love…  etc.  I guess this is their last hurrah.

 

Ugh, back to Victoria.  Maureen asks what Stitch has told her.  Vicky says just pretend she doesn’t know anything and give Victoria HER version of events.  Mo’s like, this isn’t the place, they probably aren’t even supposed to be in there.  Victoria says it’s fine, they don’t even have a lock on the door.  Maureen rushes out.  Vicky follows.  She says this is her son they’re talking about!  His future!  Please tell her what happened!  To what point, asks Maureen.  To open up old wounds? 

 

Victoria gets shrill and says she needs to know everything if Stitch is the father of this baby!  Maureen’s like, we don’t even KNOW because you won’t take a paternity test, you idiot!  Vicky whines that she has a high risk pregnancy so it’s too stressful for her to actually KNOW if the father is a murderer.  But she's so stressed out that me MIGHT be, so tell her everything??  SHUUUUT UUUUP.  They argue about how stupid and selfish Victoria is.

 

Stitch tells Ashley his heart is telling him to do whatever it takes to restore Victoria’s faith in him.  BUT, his isn’t the only life affected by that.  He doesn’t expect her to understand.  Ashley admits Vicky came to her yesterday wanting answers about him.  Apparently she believes there’s some big truth about him she doesn’t know.  Ashley doesn’t get it.  If he has the chance to redeem himself in her eyes, why not just tell her.  Stitch is annoyed.  Victoria shouldn’t have dragged his boss into this.  Yeah, maybe you shouldn’t tell her SHIT.   Victoria has a big mouth.

 

Ashley says she goes by her instincts.  She sees Stitch’s “qualities” and thinks Vicky would like to trust him again.  Why doesn’t he shout his big secret from the rooftops?  Stitch gets really mad.  She doesn’t know anything about what he went through!  Ashley says she knows EXACTLY what it’s like to be accused of murder…or to take the blame for a crime you didn’t commit.    She knows that's why he hasn’t told Victoria.  “You took the fall for somebody else, didn’t you?”

 

Cane wants to talk to Lily about what stupid Colin said.  She says that’s just Colin’s idiocy which she ignores.  Cane insists he’s happy, and Lily says he doesn’t have to insist.  Jill walks up and is steamed that Colin’s still working Joe.  Cane goes to interrupt them.  Lily is surprised that Jill doesn’t know Joe from Chancellor days.  No, that was Cane’s area.  Jill worries that these real estate deals are such a RUSH.  She hopes he’s not filling Cane’s head with regrets.  Lily says to be honest, she thinks Joe is jealous of what CANE has.   He’s just schmoozing you, Lily, geez.

 

Cane and Colin blah blah.  Colin tries to get Joe to bring Cane in and drools over the money in this deal.  Cane looks down his nose at them for wanting to close innocent coffee shops.

 

Avery asks what Dylan thought of Chelsea’s news. He says Billy sure didn’t let any grass grow.  Avery points out that Victoria wanted the divorce.  She asks about HIS feelings.  He says it’s complicated, but he’s with the woman he loves, and he’s happy for Chelsea and Billy.  Avery says she’s glad he and Chelsea made peace.  They loved each other once, and that love doesn’t just disappear just because your marriage ended badly.  Dylan’s like, wait...what?

 

Chelsea and Billy get home and find an envelope under the door.  He takes the half-step-brother-cousins up to bed, and Chelsea opens the envelope.  IT’S THE WEDDING HANDKERCHIEF.  That is pretty creepy.  Chelsea’s horrified.

 

Sharon comes down in her bathrobe to answer the door.  It’s Cassie.  Sharon scolds Mariah for dressing up like Cassie.  But it IS Cassie!  “I warned you that the truth was going to come out.  There’s no way to stop it.  It’s happening!”  Sharon says NO!  Not today!  She’s marrying her father today!  “SHARON!” calls Nick.  Sharon bolts up in bed.  It was a dream, of course.  I think she got a boob job recently.

 

Colin’s telling that bad guy on the phone he can pay off his debt, and don’t threaten his wife.  Haven’t we heard this convo about ten times?  He says the business is no part of this, so the money laundering scam is DEAD.  He’ll pay his friends back HIS way, not theirs.  Jill noticed him on the phone all secretive and fired up.  And interested in Cane’s business associate.  “See, baby, I KNOW you, and I know you’re up to something.  Whatever it is…don’t do it.”

 

Joe’s on the phone saying this is a textbook transaction, no surprises.  Everything’s going according to plan.

 

Dylan’s also on the phone, yelling how could you do this to me?  He hangs up and tells Avery the landlord is selling the building.  He’s got two months to clear out.  On this show, that equals a year.  Avery’s shocked.

 

Stitch reminds Ashley she would've said she was guilty forever to protect her dad, if that’s what it took.  Yes, but it’s easy to say when she wasn’t put to the test.  He says thanks, Ash, you just helped me make my decision.

 

Insufferable Victoria says she NEEDS to know the truth so she can stop blaming herself for falling in love with a guy who’s capable of a crime like that.  This affects Maureen HOW?  Mo will tell her who Benji is.  He was a great little boy who ALWAYS did the right thing and always helped everyone.  “That is all you need to know about Benji.  That is all you need to know,” she hisses, and struts off.  Vicky calls Nikki.  She knows her mom had more to tell her about Stitch, and she needs to know what it is.  ME ME ME ME ME.

 

Shick chats about the upcoming wedding.  She says they should be pros, since this is the second time in a month they’re saying vows.  Nick says they’re good to go this time. The last time got wrecked by Phyllis showing up and shocking everyone but THAT'S not going to happen again.  I have no idea what he’s basing this delusion on.  Sharon looks at Cassie’s photo and ponders.

[Joimiaroxeu]

She knows her mom had more to tell her about Stitch, and she needs to know what it is.  ME ME ME ME ME.

"Hello, mommy? You're even starting to get on my nerves now. How 'bout you go grab yourself a piping hot cup of STFU?"

[peach]

"Hello, mommy? You're even starting to get on my nerves now. How 'bout you go grab yourself a piping hot cup of STFU?"

Right?  I don't know how Maureen didn't knock her unconscious.  She doesn't want to know about Stitch because she loves him and wants to be with him.  She wants to know so she can soothe her own ego.  Newman to the core.  So, hey, blow apart your family crimes and secrets so I don't have to feel temporarily uncomfortable.  Stitch needs to stay away from her.

[peach]

MBB is such a great actress.  I loved that whole exchange when she was like, you know, I thought it was awesome that Ben knocked up a Newman princess, but now that I've met you, UGH!  Get lost.

[glowlights]

The title of this recap was perfection. Can someone please slap Victoria INDEED! And repeatedly. I didn't think I liked Maureen too much (unless she takes Nikki on a drunken Thelma And Louise spree - are you listening Y&R?), but this scene was glorious.

 

p.s. Kiiiiickin' it, kiiiiickin' it, kickin' it at the crib... lol rock on Nick

[peach]

The title of this recap was perfection. Can someone please slap Victoria INDEED! And repeatedly. I didn't think I liked Maureen too much (unless she takes Nikki on a drunken Thelma And Louise spree - are you listening Y&R?), but this scene was glorious.

 

p.s. Kiiiiickin' it, kiiiiickin' it, kickin' it at the crib... lol rock on Nick

My favorite characters are Maureen, Joe, Kevin, and Mariah, because they go around smirking appropriately and sticking it to everyone else.

[movinon]

 

I don’t know who’s writing this crap, but Vicky makes zero sense by saying, “You’re accusing me of not loving your son enough, so maybe YOU can give me more details about the night his father died.”  Maureen looks at her like she doesn’t know who’s writing this crap either.

THIS - in a nutshell.  That line cannot have been written by a member of the human race, but it came out of Victoria's mouth.  She is obnoxious as hell these days, but she can't be blamed for the crap that is being written for her.  I don't know how many languages we have to say it in - THE WRITING SUCKS - BIG, HAIRY, MONKEY BALLS.

[peacheslatour]

Here's what I can't believe:  Why when Victor (opening his secret box of DNA evidence) or Nikki (hittin' the old vodak bottle) do they do it right in the living room in full view of the FRONT DOOR?  Wouldn't Nikki keep a bottle in her lingerie drawer upstairs?  Doesn't the Count have a den? Or better yet why didn't he have that box sent to his office?

 

And godammit Sharon, why don't you ever check to see who it is before you open the door?

[glowlights]

Here's what I can't believe:  Why when Victor (opening his secret box of DNA evidence) or Nikki (hittin' the old vodak bottle) do they do it right in the living room in full view of the FRONT DOOR?  Wouldn't Nikki keep a bottle in her lingerie drawer upstairs?  Doesn't the Count have a den?

 

BWAH-HA-HA!

 

I can't believe no one in the Newman Residence notices all the vodka that keeps going missing from the well-stocked bar service that is conveniently located in the living room, as you do with an alcoholic in the house... (And speaking of answering doors - how come Victor and Nikki answer their own door now? Can they no longer afford a house boy a la Miguel?)

[peach]

I miss Miguel.

I miss Miguel.

[peach]

Fri Oct 31    The Hero Gene

 

Nick is dressing for the wedding.  He looks nice.  He teases Sharon that her silk bathrobe is maybe a little TOO informal.  She knows they’re past superstitions this time, but she does want her dress to be a surprise.  “Because surprises worked out SO WELL at our last attempt,” he jokes.  Yeah, that was super funny when Phyllis showed up.  Sharon says her dress will be a NICE surprise, and the only one allowed for the day!

 

Mariah takes Faith over to Grandma’s house first.  Victor tells Faith Grandma left homemade candy in the kitchen!  Mariah says, gosh, the big bad wolf giving homemade candy to Little Red Riding Hood, this can’t end well.   “You amusing yourself, or what?” he crabs.  She asks if he’s so grumpy because Shick is tying the knot today.  Oh, really?  He didn’t know that.  Way to go, Mariah.  She says it’s gonna be pretty hard to find somebody else to wake up from a coma, so he might as well just send another bottle of champagne.  “Well, that ain’t gonna happen.”   “The champagne, or the wedding?” she asks.

 

Michael gets home and throws his “biopsy site care” brochure in his briefcase.  Yay.  Lauren calls out that she’s been waait-ing.  She comes out in a teen sized sexy nurse costume.   Irony, or something.  “Now tell me where it hurts,” she coos.  The prostate.  It hurts right in the prostate.

 

Summer meets Jack at the club.  She freaks out that Mom’s not there.  “If she’s not with you, then who is she with????”  She might be with someone who’s going to spill some big huge secret!  Jack says she’s JUST in the restroom!  Summer is sorry, but her mind instantly flashes to what does Mom know, and how bad is the followup going to be?  Summer needs a Xanax!  Considering today is Shick’s wedding day, Phyllis should be duct taped to a chair right now.

 

Of course, she’s in the lobby, trying to call Nick.  “C’mon c’mon c’mon, pick up!”  I guess he doesn’t know it’s her, so he answers.  “Finally.  Please tell me I’ve caught you in time before you ruin your life.” 
Michael tells Lauren he can’t, but Nurse begs to differ!  She’s trying to take his clothes off when there’s a knock on the door.  On Halloween??  How does that happen?  Michael hopes it’s not a toddler, but they hear Kevin out there.  Same thing.  Michael doesn’t think Kevin should see Lauren dressed like a prostitute, so she grudgingly goes to change her clothes. 

 

Kevin comes in with treats. “Are they frosted with accusations that I’m having an affair?” asks Michael.  Kevin says no, he’s there to confess.  “That you’re an idiot?”  NO, that he might have peeked on Michael’s laptop.  And Michael won’t believe what he figured out.  The next level of Candy Crush.

 

Mariah tells Victor that Shick WANTS to get married, and it’s gonna happen.  And there’s NOTHING he can do about it, so he might as well just roll with it.   Mariah, please don’t challenge Victor this way.   He shrugs.  “So you think it’s gonna happen?” he asks.   Obviously, says Mariah, because IT IS.  “And maybe, just maybe, there is NO secret.  And Shick’s going to ride off into the sunset on one of your fancy horses."  Victor smiles his Mariah smile.  “Ain’t gonna happen.” 

 

Mariah says he doesn’t know when to let it go, does he?  “You sent me on a wild goose chase to get that DNA tested in Sweden.”  Mariah’s like WHAT?   WHO told you to go to SWEDEN?  “Shh, shh,” says Victor.  “The point is I don’t like to be lied to, K?”   Mariah insists that Sharon was talking in her sleep, and she just figured she was talking about Faith.  Whoops.  “Whoops,” mocks Victor.  “It made me go to Sweden to get the DNA tested from Faith’s hairbrush and Nick’s champagne glass.  And the results were not what you hypothesized.”  Well, sleeptalking is an inexact science.  Nick IS Faith’s father, says Victor.  And that’s a bad thing in your world, asks Mariah.  No, it’s not a bad thing, but it proves to him that Sharon is hiding something else.  Mariah’s like, whatever, this is getting boring.  

 

Faith returns and Victor hopes she’ll come back later to show Grandma her costume.   She can’t, she’s going to Mommy and Daddy’s wedding!!  Victor hugs her and says he loves her so much, and can’t wait to destroy her happiness to-day!   They leave, but Victor stops Mariah and tells her that taking Sharon’s side is a mistake, K?  She walks away.  These girls and their loyalty to their mom.  It’s crazy.

 

Sharon asks who’s on the phone.  Nick is already lying, and says it’s about a delivery for the club, it’s nothing.  “It’s NOT nothing,” snaps Phyllis on the other end.   Sharon jokes that the reception IS NOT going to be at the club.  She walks away, and Nick says, “I’m not doing this, Phyllis!”  “Marrying the disaster area?  Good choice.”   He says she blew up one wedding already, it is NOT happening again.  Then hang up!  She says FORGET the wedding.  They have to talk, this is important. 

 

She’s been going back and forth on how to do this.  She’s told him her brain’s been really messed up and nothing’s making sense.  Well, that’s compelling information.  She says to meet her before the ceremony, and just hear her out.  “Well, it’s good to know you haven’t changed, Phyllis.  I’M GETTING MARRIED.  Later!”  He hangs up.  Phyllis is pissed.  “I am trying to save you, you stubborn jerk.” 

 

She tries to call him again, but Jack interrupts.  He asks her to come back to the table.  Well, she’s not hungry, she’s busy plotting right now.  Jack doesn’t mind, he just wants to chat.  And he has a special guest for her.  Bleh, now Phyllis has to be around her family instead of chasing Nick around.   She comes in and greets Summer.  Summer’s all happy to be breaking bread with the parents!  “We’re finally a normal family,” she smiles.  Phyllis frowns.

 

Noah shows up at the cottage. He also looks nice.  They’re wearing black suits and silver-gray ties.  Noah says if this wedding gets postponed again, he’s showing up in sweats and a t-shirt.  No, no, says Nick.  IT’S HAPPENING.  No more delays.

 

Victor goes over the DNA results again, and the hairbrush and champagne glass. Pounding dramatic music plays.  He gets up and leaves, leaving all that stuff on the desk.

 

Noah says Faith is upstairs talking about a super duper surprise, but he thinks the biggest surprise will be if this wedding actually happens today.  Nick says it’s going to happen.  They are going to sprint right to the part where it’s official.  They really should have consulted Neil on how to lock a wedding down lickety split. 

 

Noah reminisces about how much time he’s spent worrying about Mom.  Nick says that shouldn’t have been on his shoulders.  Big words from the guy who left them.  Then Noah says… I can’t even write this, you guys.  <deep breath>  “I AM your son.  And evidently, I inherited your hero gene.”   “My bad,” laughs Nick, “but I hear you.”   <peach takes a break>

 

Noah doesn’t even worry about Mom anymore, because Shick?  Together?  It works.  Nick’s happy, too.  Faith calls down and asks if they’re ready?  Are they ever!  Faith comes down in a cute little pink dress, and Mariah’s wearing traditional GCRB.  Then Sharon enters.  “No superstitions here!” she sings.  She’s wearing a sparkly white and silver, mod patterned, extremely short dress.   It’s okay, I guess, but Nick is wowed.  Noah wants to take photos, and Mariah tries to escape, but Noah says they are FAMILY photos, so tough luck.  She finally agrees, and you know she really wants to inside. 

 

The show plays a peppy happy song about two hearts dancing in a cloud, and we get the fun photo booth montage effect of the happy family, including long lost Mariah.  It’s actually really sweet.  Why?  Why are they doing this to us?  What is entertaining about Phyllis pissing all over this? 

 

They all go outside for more pictures, but Sharon pauses to check her makeup in the mirror.  She’s super happy.  There’s a knock on the door.  Victor has appeared through a wormhole.  Glare.

 

Phyllis complains that she wasn’t told it would just be the three of them for lunch.  Oookay.  Jack thought it would be a pleasant distraction to go out to lunch with her own daughter.  Also, it’s a meeting of the minds (HAHA) about Summer’s marriage.  “Speaking of which, where IS the kidnapper?” snaps Phyllis,  “Or are we just calling him a felon these days?”  Summer grimaces and says she thought it would be better if Phyllis just abused her today.  “Oh, so you’re saying he’s a CHICKEN now?  That you’re fighting his battles for him?”  Maybe Austin should shoot Phyllis to clear that up.

 

Jack suggests she stops the name-calling, because it’s counterproductive.  And horrible.   Summer says she knows Phyllis talked to her Nick-Dad about the marriage.  Jack’s surprised, but Summer says she’ll do anything to smooth this over.  Did it help?  Phyllis says she can talk to Nick about that.  Oh, wait, he’s out making an honest woman out of Sharon today, SAYS THE HOMEWRECKER.

 

Summer can’t decide if she should be worried or relieved, because she’s not as crazed as she was before about Austin.  “I mean, sure, you’re mean and snarky, but you’re definitely not crazed.”  Why exactly did they want this person to wake up?  Jack wonders, too, about the not crazed part.  It begs the question, has she made progress, or is her mind on something else entirely?  Something else is definitely going on, so WHAT is it, asks Jack.  Seriously?  IT’S NICK.  IT’S ALWAYS GOING TO BE NICK.

 

Michael is having a fit that Kevin got into his laptop.  Kevin says what he saw killed him.  It was…his SCREENSAVER.  Of Michael and Lauren, crazy fools in love.  That’s what Michael sees every time he boots up.  So why, Kevin asks, would he do anything to screw that up?  Michael’s stunned both by not getting caught out on having cancer, and that Kevin thinks he’s cheating instead.  Kevin says he won’t snoop, but Michael should at least respect him enough not to lie to his face!  Kevin should probably have the decency not to shout “Just tell me if it IS an affair, that it’s over, and it’s not going to happen again!” right where Lauren can hear him.  She’s stunned.

 

She walks in.  “An affair?”  Kevin stammers that it was about a case Michael’s working on. “Funny.  I thought I heard you accuse MICHAEL of something.”  Michael says Kevin was JUST saying he’s a fool for love, and it’s true!  Lauren’s like, he didn’t come over here just to say that.  No, he brought them TREATS!  And now he’s LEAVING.  Lauren gives Michael the look.  He says he is a crazy fool in love with her.  She says, through clenched teeth, that maybe she should slip that nurse’s uniform and elevate his heart rate.  “I don’t think so, sweetheart.”  WHY NOT?  He says there’s no affair, so what’s going on with him?

 

Victor walks in, but Sharon tells him her family has plans.  “Sharon, I’m aware of your plans, K?  Another wedding attempt?”  Sharon says he sounds disgusted, which is at least a more honest response then bringing champagne over.  “Do you mind if you and I are honest with each other?” asks Victor.  “If you think you’re up to the task,” says Sharon.  Ha.  He says this is a mistake.  “Victor,” she says softly, “this is ridiculous.”  He reminds her she came to him months ago, asking him to help her uncover the secret her subconscious is harboring, The Secret That Could Hurt Nicholas.  She should follow that sentiment and call off this wedding. 

 

Sharon says she has tried everything to remember, and she can’t.  And maybe that’s how it should be.  Shick can get married and move on from this TOGETHER.  “What are you not seeing?” says Victor.  “I come to you as a father who loves his son.”  She can’t tell him in good conscience that she’s not entering this without some con-cern that she will hurt Nicholas all over again.   She’s got to call off this wedding (which would hurt Nicholas all over again.)  Nick walks in.  “Dammit, Dad.  This wedding is HAPPENING.  No matter what!”

 

Phyllis quietly says she’s off her game.  The world kept spinning, and she’s been playing catch up.  She’s been out of the loop so long, it’s starting to mess with her head.  Honestly, it’s a little scary, they get that don’t they?  OF COURSE JACK DOES.  “Because if you two losers can’t understand how hard this is for me, I don’t know where I’d turn,” she half whispers.  So just let me ABUSE you, Summer, and stop complaining about it.  Summer asks if they should call the doctors.  No, baby, she just has to sort out a few things.  She’s been in a shadow for a year, and when you go back into the light, it kinda hurts your eyes.

 

Loud, obnoxious Abby rushes up dressed as a leopard for some sensory overload.  “PHYYYYLISSS!  HIII!  I’M ABBY.  ABBY NEWMAN?” like Phyllis is retarded now.  LOL  Jack’s like, Phyllis knows who you are, dumbass.  Abby giggles and says she was just being polite, not knowing WHAT sort of state she’s in.  Jack’s mouth is hanging open.  Phyllis says maybe she should spell it out for her.  “Ooo, still snarky, I love that!” says Abby.  “And talk about beauty rest!  You look AH-MAZING!  People are going to want to go into a year-long coma just so they can look like you!”  Jack doesn’t even know what to say, he says.  This is hardly the worst thing Abby has ever said.  She goes on to say she heard how good Phyllis looked at the wedding, but seeing her in person is like, omg.

 

Phyllis is like, why weren’t you at the wedding?  Oh, she was, but omg, Victoria went into false labor, and they had to leave!  Summer’s like, ACK!  “Victoria’s pregnant??” asks Phyllis.  What were they going to do if they saw her in public?  Jack says he TOLD her Billy and Victoria’s situation was complicated.  “Your brother divorced his pregnant wife?  That’s a complicated jackass.”  It’s NOT that simple.  Phyllis knows the jackpot when she sees it.  “What else am I missing, Abby?!”  Abby says, well, it all goes back to…

 

Jack stops her and says the doctors don’t want Phyllis getting too much information at once!  Summer would even rather talk about Austin at this point.  Phyllis asks Abby if she’s going to today’s wedding.  Nah, it’s just a tiny little wedding at the justice of the peace.  Summer’s so not going because she’s had enough of Mariah.  “I’ve had MORE than enough of Mariah,” says Abby, rolling her eyes.  Phyllis is like, and Maria is…?  Mariah’s just a girl! says Summer.  It’s not about her, it’s about Shick and their family. 

 

“THEIR family?” says Phyllis.  Yeah, that family they had before you broke it up?  “Is no one taking this wedding seriously?” she gripes.  Everyone is, says Jack.  He rationally says they’re two adults making an informed decision.  Summer says she has to go.  Phyllis hugs her tight and says she loves her, okay?  SHE LOVES HER TO THE MOON, and no matter what, EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.”  But not your husband.  Summer’s like, um, okay?  She loves her, too.  Jack foolishly walks Summer to her car, leaving Phyllis alone with ABBY.  Phyllis dramatically holds her phone.

 

Lauren says they should be mature and talk about this.  She knows what Kevin said, and Jill’s accused him once, too.  Michael says Jill is married to COLIN for God’s sake, so her judgment is suspect, and Kevin wasn’t talking about them.  She knows something’s off.   First the passion, then the distance?  What is going on?  Michael almost weeps telling her if she could see inside his head and heart, she’d see how much he loves her.   She cries.  He tells her to know it, and know everything’s going to be alright.

 

Victor tells Sharon to go ahead and tell Nick.  Tell him the con-cerns, the nagging feeling that this is a mistake.  She says the only mistake was opening the door.  And not having a peephole.  Nick loves her, and they’re going to be happy. She hopes he can accept that one day for Nick’s sake, but otherwise, she doesn’t give a damn.  “You heard her, Dad.  It’s done.”  Victor says Nick’s always accused him of not wanting him to be happy.  “You are so damnwrong.  You get married, you will not get what you want.  I promise you.” 

 

Noah and Mariah walk in.  Noah’s like, greaaat, it’s Grampire.  He’s like this is a day to celebrate, please don’t ruin it.  “Know if this wedding takes place, you will all be in far more trouble than you bargained for.”  He takes his gloom and doom out the door.  For crying out loud, it’s JUST A WEDDING.  Easily reversed in this town.   Faith doesn’t like this vibe.  Mariah comforts Faith, and says look how in love Shick is!  It’s like the movies!  And you just can’t beat love like that.  Everyone smiles.

 

Phyllis slithers into her chair and asks Abby what ELSE does she have for her.  Abby’s conflicted because information dissemination is her specialty, but--  Jack cuts her off.  “Nice try, Phyllis.”  Phyllis complains that the doctors don’t KNOW Awake Phyllis.  She’s not exactly a damsel in distress.  She creates the distress.   Phyllis tells Abby she’s looked online but she can’t really search for the real dirt.  Abby says after this year, the servers would probably crash.  I thought GC Buzz was all about the real dirt.  Hasn’t she read that?  Wasn’t Delia’s death a major news story? 

 

Phyllis says she just needs a little taste.  She and Abby have never pulled any punches, so don’t start now.  She needs to know everything, the more explosive the better.  “Okay, Miss Heiress?  See if you can blow me away.”  Abby’s thrill for this is bubbling over, but she’s glancing at Jack.  He looks at her like, don’t you do it.

 

Sharon sends Faith to get her purse.  She’s okay, you guys, because of Nick, and Noah, and YOU, Mariah!  “I think you like us,” grins Sharon.  Mariah fake protests and cringes, oh, why do you have to do this, you know I don’t like it!!    Sharon says she’s never had a real family before, and it breaks her heart.  “But now you have us.  And we have you.  And I’m so happy for all of us.”  Mariah says so this is happening?  We’re doing this, the cards on the table thing? 

 

Sharon says it was very brave of her to let them in.  Mariah takes a breath and says someone asked why she is hanging around, and she didn’t want to admit it, but the truth is, they took a chance on her.  And that’s even when she wasn’t their kid, when she was just nobody.  “You were never no one, never,” says Sharon.  Mariah says she's seen how Sharon looks after her kids.  It’s the first time she’s seen Mother Love that wasn’t twisted.  “So here I am.  I’m on your side, whether you like it or not.” 

 

She smiles, but this is a lot for her, so she wants to go to the courthouse and get things ready.  No way.  Sharon’s eyes tear up.  “First you’re going to give me a hug.”  Mariah fake protests some more and they embrace and then gaze at each other.  “We’re on your side, too.”   Nick says they all are.  “This is your family, Mariah, and that means so much to me.  Thank you.”  “Thank you,” says Mariah.  I haz feelz.  :*)

 

Victor’s back home frowning over his DNA files.  Summer stops by.  Grandpa knows how grateful she is that he got her mom to wake up, right?  He’s glad to hear her say that.  “I found the best doctor to treat Phyllis” and totally jack her up with too many weird chemicals.  Summer says the thing is she just doesn’t…seem herself lately.  She’s f’ing meaner than ever.  Could it be a side effect of the treatment?  Maybe you should ask a doctor instead of the dude who tricked you into this.  Victor lies his ass off and says the doctors assured him there would be NO side effects.  Summer thinks maybe it’s an effect of the coma itself, because something is really driving her mom to distraction.  Wonder what that could be, says Victor.  Why don’t you inject her with something and find out?

 

Jack laughs while Abby regales Phyllis with stories of her OWN past year, but then she mentions that her gorgeous boyfriend was fixated on his ex, who was pretending to be Cassie!  Jack says, we’re done here!!  Phyllis is like, WHAT?  Little Cassie?  “NO!  Grown up Cassie!”  Jack’s like this is yet another situation that’s going to take some time to sink in.  Abby’s like, oh, come on, Jack, it’s not like she’s crumbling.  This might help build up her tolerance!  Fine.  Jack says Cassie had a twin that Sharon didn’t know about, her name is Mariah, and she lives in town. 

 

“A twin??”  Phyllis sneers.  “Only Sharon wouldn’t realize something like that.”  So years later, this person impersonates a dead girl??  In fairness, Jack says, she didn’t know she was Cassie’s sister at the time.  Phyllis is livid.  “So Sharon and Nick have another child, again?  Well, no wonder they’re getting remarried.  That’s always how Sharon reels Nick in.  And SUMMER gets benched!”  Ugh, Phyllis really makes me want to throw up. 

 

Jack says Summer doesn’t get BENCHED.  She gets everything she wants, and then some, because she has TWO fathers falling all over her.  Oh yeah, well MARIAH is at that wedding, and SUMMER is NOT.  Which Summer is doing just to appease your crazy ass.  Jack says, “the wedding you don’t care about.”  “I care about my KID, Jack,” she snaps.  “Sharon is playing this Cassie card AGAIN.  In living color.”   I can’t accurately convey how nastily she says this. 

 

Jack is like, omg, you’re at your limit, I can see the alien demons in your eyes.  Let’s stop now.  Phyllis agrees that she’s totally spent.  He wants to take her home.  Yeah, she needs time alone, so she’s going to take a CAB home.  Sure.  I’m sure she’ll go straight home.  He argues, but she is super pissed and says let her have control over SOMETHING, OKAY?  He backs down like always, and she storms out.  Abby says, well, she hates being the last to know.  Jack’s aware.  He also knows when she feels at a disadvantage, she DOES NOT give up until she has the upper hand!!  So let’s let her go off alone in a rage on Nick’s wedding day.

 

Faith and Noah go pick out some flowers for Sharon.  Shick talk about their amazing kids.  Nick says they really want all this, too, being an official family.  Sharon doesn’t care what anyone thinks, this just feels right.  Nick says it feels more than right, it feels PERFECT.  He gets a text.  Summer has a gift for him at The Underground, something for the wedding.  Nothing suspicious about that.  Sharon thinks that’s awesome.  He should get it so all the kids will be there, at least in spirit.  As it should be.  Nick smiles.  It was a Phyllis trick, of course.

 

Mariah stops by Crimson Lights for a minute to chat with Kevin.  She says everything’s good to go for the wedding but she needed a break from the warm fuzzies.  Kevin says he’s off duty if she needs a buffer between herself and actual human emotion.  She doesn’t need a date, but appreciates the offer.  Freaked out Lauren comes flying in and demands Kevin tell her what the deal was with his convo with Michael.  Kevin insists that a minute before that he’d JUST been singing the praises of Michael’s love for her.  Yeah, but she loved Michael when she got down and dirty with Carmine.  She almost lost him and now she’s afraid it could still happen.

 

Michael shares his discomfort from the biopsy with his doctor and with us.  He wants to know if they can speed up the test results.  He NEEDS to know.  Nobody else wondering if they have cancer needs to know like Michael does, that’s why the test results come back just whenever for most people.

 

Abby thinks Jack is flirting with disaster, bringing Phyllis to the place where Kelly LIVES and WORKS.  Jack confirmed Kelly wouldn’t be here, but it’s still a nice touch to plop her down on Kelly’s turf.  Abby’s like how does that work, sneaking around so your fiancée and girlfriend don’t run into each other?  Sounds complicated.  Jack says they’re well past complicated and into AWFUL.  Abby feels bad for Kelly, since Phyllis is…Phyllis.  And she knows Phyllis would freak out if anyone pitied her…but Abby feels bad that Phyllis has no idea about Kelly.  Jack does, too!  But he gets the distinct impression that Phyllis is keeping something from HIM.  Duh.

 

Victor asks Summer how Phyllis isn’t acting like herself.  Summer tries to describe it, but it’s hard, as I’ve noted.  Victor’s like, so, um, has she SAID anything about anyone?  She looks over his shoulder and sees the little pink hairbrush.  “Grandpa, what is my hairbrush doing here??”  Gasp!  That’s YOUR hairbrush??  So Stupid Summer really is Stupid Nick's kid.  So much for the Barbie Townhouse.

 

Nick invites Sharon to come to The Underground with him, but she foolishly allows him out of her sight.  She says he and Summer deserve this moment.  He will come back and get her for the wedding.  They’ll all go together, family style.  Kissing.  He leaves, and Sharon starts writing a note. 

 

Another knock on the door.  This time it’s PHYLLIS.  “Trick or Treat,” she says in her possessed voice.  KILL IT!  KILL IT WITH FIRE!

[movinon]

 

Mariah takes Faith over to Grandma’s house first.  Victor tells Faith Grandma left homemade candy in the kitchen!  Mariah says, gosh, the big bad wolf giving homemade candy to Little Red Riding Hood, this can’t end well.   “You amusing yourself, or what?” he crabs.  She asks if he’s so grumpy because Shick is tying the knot today.  Oh, really?  He didn’t know that.  Way to go, Mariah.  She says it’s gonna be pretty hard to find somebody else to wake up from a coma, so he might as well just send another bottle of champagne.  “Well, that ain’t gonna happen.”   “The champagne, or the wedding?” she asks.

Thanks, Peach, for a really detailed recap.  As usual, there are at least 10 things that crack me up, but I just wanted to say that I love Mariah with that old fart.  She can really hold her own with him, and I only see that getting better all the time.  She is actually the best actress on the show right now (IMO) - I love her with Kevin and love her messing with Summer and Austin.  Maybe she's just such a refreshing change from the type they usually hire, but Phyllis is very different too, and I'm not finding this one refreshing.  Can't explain what's so captivating about Mariah, but I constantly look forward to seeing her with Victor - it's the only time I can tolerate him.  Can't wait till SHE tells him "Ya got that?" 

Edited November 1, 2014 by movinon

[glowlights]

Kevin comes in with treats. “Are they frosted with accusations that I’m having an affair?” asks Michael.  Kevin says no, he’s there to confess.  “That you’re an idiot?”  NO, that he might have peeked on Michael’s laptop.  And Michael won’t believe what he figured out.  The next level of Candy Crush.

 

I swooned over this (with laughter). SWOONED.

 

The photo montage song (from the same geniuses who brought us Kickin' It In The Crib) sounded like it was ripped from the latest Barney CD. I'll have you, if you'll have me... we're a happy familyyyyy. God, the music on this show.

 

Thank you for explaining the significance of Summer's hairbrush because I've become so bored with this sl that all I registered was "what? huh? did Summer lend Faith her hairbrush?". It's turning into the next Music Box Mystery.

[miamama]

Noah reminisces about how much time he’s spent worrying about Mom.  Nick says that shouldn’t have been on his shoulders.  Big words from the guy who left them.  Then Noah says… I can’t even write this, you guys.  <deep breath>  “I AM your son.  And evidently, I inherited your hero gene.”   “My bad,” laughs Nick, “but I hear you.”   <peach takes a break>

 

I did not watch this. I FFd this because I don't have a fuck to give about Nick with his fawning children (except Mariah; I like CG). They actually said "hero gene". OMFG. I thought when you mentioned that in the daily thread, peach, that you had made it up.

 

unbelievable.