S03.E10: Celebrations

[Snarklepuss]

she didn't say this. she said he wasn't assertive enough which he kind of also admitted when talking to Dr. Logan. He said that he wasn't sure when she wanted sex or if she's too tired for it so he sometimes doesn't want to bother her so he would just rollover....because they don't communicate well.

 

She said, "A woman knows when a man is physically attracted to her and Tres says it with words but his actions say something totally different".  That may have been in the context of a specific situation but IMO that statement is very telling about how he makes her feel in the relationship in general.  She is pretty much saying that her gut instinct knows better even though he is telling her otherwise.  I am sure that it extends to other situations with him as well and to me that's cause for her insecurity.  Tres in general seems to be very good at saying all the things she wants to hear but his body language is saying otherwise to a lot of people, including Vanessa.  And I'm sure she's wondering what he's REALLY feeling if the two forms of communication don't seem to match up in him.  Sure, it's a communication issue but one that extends to the entire relationship and can be the cause of her insecurity in general with him.

Edited February 9, 2016 by Snarklepuss

[moonxyz]

This is also what I get from Tres. Vanessa is the one that initiates 90% of physical contact on the show. Maybe he isn't naturally touchy-feely.  Worst case scenario, Tres is actually affectionate but isn't attracted to Vanessa so doesn't want to put in any effort? Who knows?

 

Unfortunately, this is another indication that they are not compatible. Vanessa will always feel frustrated that Tres isn't initiating non sexual contact and Tres (as usual) won't see what the big deal is.

Edited February 9, 2016 by Drogo
Speculation removed.

[izabella]

Maybe what Tres isn't attracted to is Vanessa's inability to communicate, her always getting mad and clamming up or walking away/out. Many of us have been saying how Ashley might have looked pretty at the wedding, but knowing her personality, she has become super unattractive.  Works the same for Vanessa.  She's pretty and Tres might have been attracted to her, but after getting to know her, that attraction is waning.

[moonxyz]

^^^^ I get that but is he turning down sex? I think not. From what is shown, they are the only sexually active couple. So that would mean that Tres is fine with having sex but not with holding her hand and caressing her in a non sexual context? It would be more honest to stop anything physical all together like Basement Ryan did.

 

I suspect that Ryan Douche was never actually attracted to Jessica but was fine with having sex with her. 

[Snarklepuss]

Maybe what Tres isn't attracted to is Vanessa's inability to communicate, her always getting mad and clamming up or walking away/out. Many of us have been saying how Ashley might have looked pretty at the wedding, but knowing her personality, she has become super unattractive.  Works the same for Vanessa.  She's pretty and Tres might have been attracted to her, but after getting to know her, that attraction is waning.

 

Personally, I am getting the impression that the show is putting this spin on Vanessa being the cause of the communication issues between them when there's one big honking communication issue with Tres that has not been given much attention.  Vanessa is made to look like she is reading into things and being too insecure, and not communicating her feelings to him, but if his actions and body language often don't match what he says she has every reason to be suspicious and confused about how he really feels.  In that context I think Vanessa has by far been the more communicative one.  Is anyone really that confused about what Vanessa wants and how she feels?  I'm not.  But just how into Vanessa Tres is is a mystery to me, just like Basement Ryan's real feelings were a mystery until the very end when things started coming out to show that he was not as into her as he might have seemed at first.

[okerry]

Personally, I am getting the impression that the show is putting this spin on Vanessa being the cause of the communication issues between them when there's one big honking communication issue with Tres that has not been given much attention.  Vanessa is made to look like she is reading into things and being too insecure, and not communicating her feelings to him, but if his actions and body language often don't match what he says she has every reason to be suspicious and confused about how he really feels.  In that context I think Vanessa has by far been the more communicative one.  Is anyone really that confused about what Vanessa wants and how she feels?  I'm not.  But just how into Vanessa Tres is is a mystery to me, just like Basement Ryan's real feelings were a mystery until the very end when things started coming out to show that he was not as into her as he might have seemed at first.

I agree. I think Vanessa took this thing seriously and is treating it like a real marriage, but for Tres it's just kind of a six-weeks-long blind date and is more a novelty and I-Get-To-Be-On-TeeVee than anything else. Maybe he'll get serious about Vanessa at some point, but I don't think he is now and she knows that. Sure, he likes her okay and would most likely have dated her if they'd met through normal channels, but marriage? Nah, because I don't think Tres is into being married to anyone. Which makes him a real heel for going on the show if that's the case, but whatever.

[moonxyz]

Per the video diary and the show, Vanessa clearly communicated to Tres during Dr Logan's visit that Tres wasn't affectionate enough. His response was a very unenthusiastic "Ok, I'll do it.". Since then, I haven't seen him being affectionate towards Vanessa without her initiating him. That was way before the miscommunication became an issue; In fact I wonder if Tres' lack of affection cause Vanessa to be more closed off, because initially she was very open about telling him how she felt on the honeymoon but something changed during co-habitation or when Tres finally got laid.

 

Also, I want to point out again that Tres was convinced by production to go ahead with the blind marriage. That gives him the upper hand in terms of being edited in a more favorable light, because production probably wants to portray their pick in the best way possible (Re Sean from Season 2.)

[Crazy Bird Lady]

Vanessa isn't driving Tres away. Vanessa has the right to be conservative, dislike drunk frat boy behaviour and not be ok with her husband having female friends.

It's her personality and it's what she believes in. Vanessa is criticized for wanting to change Tres but she is supposed to change everything -to be less uptight and in order to not "drive him away"?

 

It's obvious that this match like the others is a fail. If Vanessa was paired with a more stable guy that was more of a homebody, there would be little to no issues. Tres and Vanessa are not compatible. It's just another case of the experts ignoring what the contestant probably requested, but imposing someone with that they think need and pairing people based on trauma or other nonsense:

 

Tres and Vanessa are a good match because they were both abandoned. tres is more outgoing so it will create "balance"

Neil and Ashley are a good match because they are both of mixed heritage. Sam is more outgoing so it will create "balance"

David and Ashley are a good match because they are very religious. David is more outgoing so it will create "balance"

 

Very well said, Moon.

 

That reasoning (by the show's so-called "experts") is absolutely full of bull. They probably thought that Tres' "fun, more easy-going partying lifestyle" would be just the thing to "loosen up" Vanessa...

[Neurochick]

Isn't Tres biracial?

 

I'm confused as to what that had to do with my comment about barely being able to find a black man who wanted to marry a black woman.  Tres was raised by black people, and if I saw him walking down the street, I would assume he was black; you don't have to look like Michael B. Jordan to be black.

[Crazy Bird Lady]

And that was why his own mother abandoned him... his mom couldn't go back home with a child who was obviously black.

 

I'm confused as to what that had to do with my comment about barely being able to find a black man who wanted to marry a black woman.  Tres was raised by black people, and if I saw him walking down the street, I would assume he was black; you don't have to look like Michael B. Jordan to be black.