Small Talk: How Not To Get Caught Dead With Dirty Underwear

[walnutqueen]

Cooks, you should have responded to that hottie-mc-hottie Match guy and set up a date for him with "Susan." Then stood him up. And yeah, a guy who brags about how many dates he's had really makes me want to go out with him ... NOT!

OMGosh, that show is when I started my tv-boyfriend love affair with Damian Lewis. I was crushed when it was cancelled, but I get to see him in so many other places now, even on PBS.

 

Punkypower, keep us posted on your offshore geologist. IF that's really his job. *insert evil laughter*

 

Tunia, close but no cigar on the dog matching. But first, I have to tell Judy that after she mentioned visiting my profile to see my dog-faced avatar, I checked that site and pretty much every Jeopardy poster had been there after reading Judy's post, most within minutes of each other. Too funny!

 

Anyway, I'm used to show Lhasas with long coats, eyes covered. So seeing the trimmed Lhasa on that link, Tunia, made me see how you chose that dog. I have to say, I do not care for the breed. I show dogs, and have shown/handled/groomed nearly every breed. One Lhasa I showed we had to pick up his crate and shake him out because if you reached in for him, he would chew your hands off. Once you got him out of the crate and "captured," you could get his lead on and then he was fine. I also did a pet groom on a pet Lhasa and, let me say, that first time was the last time. What a monster, flopping like a wild carp on a rope on my grooming table, screaming and trying to bite me. No thanks!

 

My avatar is a Petite Basset Griffon Vendéen, which is a French rabbit hunting hound. Here are some photos.

 

PBGVs.

 

Walnut, what kind of horses? My first horse was an Appaloosa I bought when I was 15. I showed him hunter/jumper, back when NO ONE showed anything but solid-colored horses as hunters. I was a pariah even then. I went on to Saddlebreds, and still own two after having as many as 19 at one time. But I've shown Arabians, QHs, pintos, western, english, hunt seat, saddle seat.

 

And while I never "did" any guys, I used to have as many as four dates in two days. Yeah, those were the days. All the guys then were, "So, now that I'm in your life you don't have to go to horse shows or have a horse any more." Which would result in insta-dump. I look back now and realize I should have married some of those engineers I dated, then divorced them and soaked them for their life savings, car and house. I did it the hard way, making my own fortune with no help from any man. *coughfortuneyeahrightcough*

 

saber 5055 - get the fuck outta my head!  I longed for a pony to ride when I was a little girl.  I got a pregnant barrel racing Appaloosa/Quarter horse mare, an unbroken "Indian" Appaloosa filly (who was also pregnant) - roman nose, ratty tail, classic tough little bitch whore, and my love for all things Appaloosa was sealed.  The stud colt became the Appy stallion I took on the Interior B.C. rodeo/show circuit (to appease the 'rents), most reluctantly, because I always wanted my animals to love life and rejoice in their freedom.  Some of my BEST memories were laying in the fields next to, or atop of our Appaloosa/QH/TB/ {inbred - once!}  foals. 

[LakeGal]

Oh I love this thread.

I understand the feeling about having your house clean in case the cops show up.

Years ago I had moved into an apartment after I split up with my ex.  One night the cops showed up at my door with a search warrant.  They asked for a man that I had never heard of.  They stated this was his address and they were looking for stolen items.  I told them I had only lived in the apartment for a couple months.  I had no idea why this man was stating my address as his.  But they had the search warrant I had to let them in.  They searched my entire apartment.  I was so embarressed.  I knew I had dirty underwear in the laundry room.  Of course they found nothing that was stolen.  The cops were actually nice to me afterwards because they realized I did not have any connection to this crook they were looking for.  But I was very embarressed about these guys looking thru my stuff.  

[Irritable]

LakeGal, I would have been horrified!  And of course the police would expect to find dirty underwear in our hampers or laundry room, they probably don't even notice and certainly don't care, but for some reason the very idea of them rifling through it and walking away saying, "Did you see that?  She had dirty laundry! What a pig!! is a nightmare.  When we lived in an apartment, I asked for a day's warning before the maintenance man would come into our place to put in vent filters or whatever, so I could make absolutely sure everything was just right.  No idea why I cared, and that was before I knew anything about police searching homes.  Possibly it was because my mother was a hoarder, and it was so hard for me to deal with it growing up that I wanted to be the opposite.  She would do anything (including making me lie to people) to prevent them from coming in and seeing our house, so I wanted to be sure anyone could come in and check mine out any time without feeling like I needed to freak.  Still though, to this day, when the doorbell rings my kneejerk reaction is to run to the back of the house and hold my breath until whoever it is goes away.  My husband thought I would eventually grow out of that, but if I haven't by now, I probably won't.  I've been known to throw myself onto the floor to avoid being seen through the window.  For no reason at all, just instinct.  Once I know who it is, I'll open the door and it's fine, but first I have to get a grip, come out of my hiding spot and go look.  It's very confusing for my dog, who is thrilled to pieces when people come to the door, and is visibly bewildered by my tendency to act like a fugitive trapped in a house that's just been surrounded by the FBI.

[walnutqueen]

Hah!  The last time anyone was in my house was when my Mum came to stay for a few months - a few years ago.  Not surprising to those of you who now know a little too much about me (!), is that this was also the last time my house was cleaned.  :-)

 

My doorbell has been broken for over a decade.  I don't miss it a bit.  My closest neighbor knows to knock and call out his name whenever he needs to borrow one of my "Green Monster" yard waste recycling bins.  Or, if it's cold enough for my front door to be closed, he just calls me (yes, they have my phone #, but they are more than just neighbors, they are friends and relatives of my ex).

[JudyObscure]

PBS started a three part, true crime story, last Sunday night called, "The Widower," which you guys might like.  It skeered me.

 

I'm on call for jury duty this month.  My punishment for voting.  Usually when I get called it's just DUI stuff but I still irritate my fellow jurors by over thinking everything.

[cooksdelight]

Well, I may just jinx myself, but I've never been called for jury duty. Ever. In my entire life.

I think I have found the perfect site that should be paired up with any online dating site. It's called BeenVerified.com, and I signed up the other day. I'm not on a dating site now, but I am getting to know a few people via Facebook (yeah, go figure!) where I think it's much easier to see what a person's all about. Anyway, you type in the person's name, town they live in (or close to it) and the info you get is amazing. All the places they have lived, email addresses, phone numbers, relatives, business associates, property they own .... but the best one.... criminal records. I mean, I was shocked at some of the stuff I learned about people.

One guy that I had been texting/emailing with from Match was arrested for assault a few years back. And put in jail. Another guy that I used to work with was actually sent to prison for unlawful vehicular activity....which I have no idea what that means, but he never talked about it and always came across as such a holier-than-thou type.

My ex-husband was arrested for DWI 4 years after we divorced and found guilty. Two other traffic offenses, not listed what that was about. Not all of the criminal activity is easy to discern, some of it will say "not available".

This is all public record. There's nothing sinister about it or nothing that shouldn't be published. It just saves me the legwork of going to a dozen different websites and doing the searching. I looked up myself and the speeding ticket I got was there, nothing about the fact it was dismissed, however. :)

[saber5055]

Judy, I just caught a few minutes of The Widower. It was on opposite some network show I watch, although at the moment I don't remember which one. Anyway, I just saw the end, where the guy was putting "a powder" in the food, then he tossed a match on something and ... cut to PBS promo! I like PBS shows the best as I have no tolerance for commercials. So I flip around to watch two network shows at the same time, if the commercial breaks alternate. Anyway, from the description of The Widower, it was one I wanted to start watching. I watch Doc Martin and Sherlock on PBS, plus a few others. Love Sherlock, used to love Doc Martin back when he was quirky and not just the gigantic a-hole he was turned into last season.

Well, I may just jinx myself, but I've never been called for jury duty. Ever. In my entire life.

 

 

Me neither. Which I find extremely odd. Now watch, Cook, you and I will get our first summons ever. *knockwood*

 

GetVerified sounds interesting. I think I already said I'm on two sites, although because I'm not a paid member I can't see any of my messages or actually meet anyone. But I get sent eight or so "matches" every day from each. Mostly, I am reminded why I don't want to meet any of those guys. Either they can't spell, can't write a sentence or they are copy/pasting from the previous profile that's full of boring boriness, stuff NO guy likes to do or ever does but it sounds good on paper, like "long walks on the beach" that is interchangeable with woods or some other place these guys never go. And so many of them reveal in small ways why they are divorced. After looking at 16 guys every day for a year, I've found maybe two or three profiles that were written interestingly and well. 

 

Anyway, keep us posted, Cooks. I will date vicariously through you!

 

Walnut, what was your Appy's name? Back in "the day," Appys were all rat tailed, no manes, lots of white in the eyes and tough as heck. I went from loving them to not liking them at all, and I went to pintos. Now I'm thinking Appy again, and would consider one. But I sure like my pintos though. Both of my Saddlebreds are pintos. Easy to see at night!

Edited October 6, 2015 by saber5055

[walnutqueen]

saber - I had quite a few Appys (13, at last count), but my rat-tailed, roman nosed, striped hooved, white-eyed tough little bitch of a red roan with beautiful blanket was named Pillow Fight, as she was the runtier of twins.  She hated men.  Her first colt, a very pretty palomino color with perfectly spotted blanket was Toss Up - he was the precocious colt who jumped a fence and impregnated a couple of our mares (including his Mum!) when he was just a yearling, shocking us all.  My very first colt, who became my stallion "show horse" was named Ammon Ra (by someone else), but I just called him MoJo.   I always loved having new foals; watching them sometimes change color after a year or two was a real trip.   One of our colts, Carbine was a huge solid chestnut/bay with perfect thoroughbred confirmation.  A retired Mountie bought him and was shocked when he turned into a perfect white leopard at two years.   :-)

 

The thing I most loved about Appaloosas was their versatility and wonderful dispositions.  They all had such great personalities.  Now I'm getting all nostalgic ...

[zxy556575]

Love Sherlock, used to love Doc Martin back when he was quirky and not just the gigantic a-hole he was turned into last season.

 

Don't get me started on Doc Martin! If I was a sitcom character I would have thrown a vase at the TV. Such a pleasant show ruined.

[saber5055]

...

Edited October 13, 2015 by saber5055

[walnutqueen]

saber - I had to give up the horses back when my parents lost "the farm", and was so totally devastated that I'd never again take the chance of not being able to afford to keep them (hey, I was young and impressionable).  And Pillow Fight was my favorite name, too!  What are your Pinto Saddlebreds' names?

 

I just watched Part 1 of the PBS show "The Widower".  I liked it, but am pretty sure I've seen the case on one of the true crime shows I watch - I just don't remember which one.

[saber5055]

...

Edited October 13, 2015 by saber5055

[walnutqueen]

Oh, my goodness, saber - what a terrible thing to happen to your mare.  Struck by lightening - I've never heard such a thing before.  So sad you had to experience that kind of tragedy.

 

My little show stud did fine until my stepdad sent him "Up North" to be "schooled" by a trainer.  By the time I joined him, he'd developed a ... fondness for geldings.  After suffering several embarrassing encounters in the show ring, ranging from "Lady, your horse has 5 legs", him humping the brush obstacle during a trail horse event, and all the cowboys yelling "Here comes the switch-hitter" every time they saw me, they convinced me something must be done (especially since he lost over 100 lbs from humping the stall walls at every show if a gelding was next door).  Off with his balls, and I cried like a baby.  :-)

 

 

 

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate football?

 

Me, too.  Uverse keeps adding Sports channels to my lineup quicker than I can hide them.  I only watch the Olympics, and the occasional equestrian event.  But I am the Winter Olympics bitch when it comes to hockey and curling, eh.  You can take the girl outta Canada  ...   "HAAAAAARD!!!"

[cooksdelight]

I don't watch any sports. I used to, and used to really enjoy the Olympics. Now they have so much theme music, commentary, background stories, an hours worth of chatter.... the real events get lost. You don't see all the various heats or eliminations leading up to the finals, so you miss a lot. It used to be that they just let you watch everything.

To this day my dad watches golf on TV. I cannot think of anything more boring, sports-wise.

[walnutqueen]

That's why I love my Uverse DVR - I record all the Olympic shit on 4+ channels and fast forward judiciously through all the fluff.  You can also watch some of the heats and trials streaming live online, but that's a total PITA.

 

I do not understand all those Golf Channels.  WTF?

[cooksdelight]

And WHY do the announcers talk in a whisper? They are in a booth somewhere, not out on the course!

[ari333]

My comments in the post stem from the Cosby eppy.

Here's one. I told my family what happened to me as a three year old (yes I remember) at the hands of my cousins or someone at my grandmother's home. SHe was in  the house and I was in the separate garage. I told my family years later and ... wait for it... I was told that I was dreaming.

 

Another one.

I had lived for quite a while out of the state I grew up in and had moved back to my home state. I needed a dentist. My parents  said that they had a great dentist. Ok fine.

In the chair which was a bit reclined of course, I had the bib thing on and the dude had that tray on the swivel arm to hold the various instruments. Instead of setting the instruments on the tray, he laid them on my chest. The first time I was stunned... then he picked it up and put another down and I said, "can you  use the tray instead of me for that?" And  "I need to go." I told my parents and I got zero reaction. ZERO. They did not even believe me. They said it sounds like common procedure.  I asked, "Has he ever done that with either of you" "NO" I was more hurt about their reaction than about him doing that. He didn't physically hurt me. He barely grazed the upper part of my cleavage; but clearly, it was the principle and lack of respect and dignity.....from a doctor who is legally allowed to put people under. I was fully conscious, but Im guessing other patients were not depending on what they were having done. In retrospect I should have reported him but I was made to feel that I was the problem ...making a "big deal" out of nothing. Sorry for the rant.

[cooksdelight]

I had a dentist do that to me once but at the time it never dawned on me why he might be doing it. I am so sorry Ari, and this thread is just for ranting, so rant away!

[ari333]

I had a dentist do that to me once but at the time it never dawned on me why he might be doing it. I am so sorry Ari, and this thread is just for ranting, so rant away!

Maybe I was wrong? That's what is so weird about it. I just don't see why he needed to put the utensils and what not on ME. There was a tray. Maybe I over reacted? Plus it was in my head, "He's a doctor. He wouldn't be doing something WRONG!" But it felt wrong, so to me that is the tell. Plus I cant see him doing that to male patients with no breasts with which to put the stuff on. so....

 

Anyway, the thing at three yrs old... I don't see how a 3 yr old can "dream" those types of things... being held down and grabbed etc. in my grandmother's garage. I want to say more but it so so personal and hard to type. But the significant part of this for me as it pertains to me telling the truth and not dreaming.... is.... my mother found me at THREE...in our home,  lying on the coffee table with my legs open... with a pencil in my hand aiming ay my genitals. Yeah, I KNOW RIGHT??  WHERE DID I LEARN THAT? What hurts the most is that previous to the garage thing, I had told my parents as best I could at three, that this one older male cousin had locked me in a tiny, narrow, broom closet; That was blown off too. And that was before the other incident. My point is it could have been stopped if I had been believed in the first place about the closet..    Well, at least I'm not bitter. Yes, I am.

[walnutqueen]

It takes a very long time to get over the bitterness, ari333; and even if you do, it pops up again in the most surprising ways.  I've forgiven my Mum for her willful ignorance and abject fear, but I've not forgotten that I would be a very different person today had she done something positive for ME all those years ago.  But then I remember how my stepdad terrorized her for decades, and feel bad about any lingering resentment that rarely (if ever, these days) rears its ugly head.  We are now just fellow survivors of his abuse, and he's ... dead.  :-)

[ari333]

Agreed. And as horrible as it is that these things happened to other women, there is a comfort in BEING BELIEVED HERE bc others know how it feels.

 

Was I over-reacting to the dentist thing? Sometimes I wonder if I am hypersensitive to certain things or something. And if that truly was common practice, then why wasn't that done to my parents and brother who were also patients?  Sometimes when I'm told I make a big deal out of nothing regarding incidents such as the above,  I almost.... ALMOST start to believe it.

 

And that  blows.

Edited October 15, 2015 by ari333

[cooksdelight]

From what I remember of the dentist that did that to me, he reclined me to the point my feet were higher than my head. I have no idea why, unless it made it easier for him to see inside my mouth. His female assistant was always there.

[walnutqueen]

When I was young I was so used to getting hit on (or worse) that I sort of came to expect it, and almost accept it as "normal".  In my late teens I discovered Wreck Beach (a big nude beach in Vancouver), and believe it or not, that became my haven and safe place.  Nobody was inappropriate, I wasn't harassed or groped, and I could finally relax and feel free to develop true friendships with people of all ages and sexes.  It sounds strange, I know, but back in those days it was a very wholesome, family kind of place (at least, the area we frequented was).  I found healing, confidence and a new, healthier perspective there, and it restored my faith in humanity.

[saber5055]

...

Edited October 13, 2015 by saber5055

[walnutqueen]

I'm fairy comfortable sharing stuff with a few people who are close, but for many others, it's too painful to talk about.  That's why these forums are so great; in my experience, our PTV friends are endlessly understanding and accepting.  This is a safe, and sort of anonymous place for us all.  It's my group therapy! ` ;-)

[ari333]

Saber. Im not all that. I did not speak soon enough. I sat there.. for.. IDK how long... too long... thinking WTF? this is a doctor... surely he is not doing something wrong? IS IT ME? I thought.  Maybe it IS me? And to address Cooks' post... in retrospect there was no female or any assistant in the room.

Edited October 11, 2015 by ari333

[cooksdelight]

Oh wow, if you were alone with the dentist and he did that, it's definitely something you should have been concerned about. In fact, to this day, I will not be alone in a "little room" with a male physician unless there is a female present.

[zxy556575]

When I watch crime shows with a (usually) child victim who was abused and never told anyone, it's understandable to me. When my sister and I were around 10 or 11, my stepfather used to get drunk and grab my sister and me to rub our (non) breasts or crotches, and we never said a word to our mother. Fortunately, that marriage was short-lived, because he also used to hit her. Which -- it was the early 60s -- she of course never reported to the police. Sigh.

[cooksdelight]

I have weird memories of something that happened, but to this day I am not sure what it was. I was at my maternal grandparents' home, staying overnight. I have flashes of seeing my uncle in his boxer shorts, my aunt holding me down on a bed, and nothing beyond that. Then I remember standing outside with my suitcase after pitching a fit and crying, asking for someone to come get me. My aunt who lived in the same town (my father's sister, not my mother's family) came to get me and I couldn't get in her car fast enough. She took me to my paternal grandparents' home in a nearby town to stay until my parents got off work in the afternoon.

I still don't know what happened, I can't remember, but it was enough to make me want to leave and not go back there.

[ari333]

I have weird memories of something that happened, but to this day I am not sure what it was. I was at my maternal grandparents' home, staying overnight. I have flashes of seeing my uncle in his boxer shorts, my aunt holding me down on a bed, and nothing beyond that. Then I remember standing outside with my suitcase after pitching a fit and crying, asking for someone to come get me. My aunt who lived in the same town (my father's sister, not my mother's family) came to get me and I couldn't get in her car fast enough. She took me to my paternal grandparents' home in a nearby town to stay until my parents got off work in the afternoon.

I still don't know what happened, I can't remember, but it was enough to make me want to leave and not go back there.

 

omg that is scary. The fuzzy memory thing registers with me big time. Sometimes I didn't want to do something or didin't want to go somewhere, but I didn't know why and couldnt articulate it, especially as a child.

 

One time I was having a sleepover with my friend at her home when we were 10. It was a small house with two bedrooms. The parents had one and the two brothers, aged 13 and 9 had the other one; so she normally slept on a pull out sofa in the living room which is where we slept together that night.  As part of this story let me add that my mom bought me super tight undies so I always wore PJs with no undies  to sleep. So we went to sleep. I was wearing my normal top and bottom PJs. We were sleeping on the pull out sofa bed in the living room (no doors  on the room, of course it was open to the rest of the house, as living rooms are.) In the middle of the night I woke up with no PJ bottoms on... naked from the waist down. I do not recall anyone or anything. I just thought HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? I scrambled around in the dark room lit by the moon or street light or whatever... and found my PJs on the floor and put them back on. .....And felt very weird. If I had, let's say, gotten hot and kicked off my own PJs, wouldn't they then have been tangled in the sheets? But they were on the floor.    It  still creeps me out bc that is not something I was prone to do even at home. I remember feeling very scared.

Edited October 12, 2015 by ari333

[DeLurker]

Damn.  Disturbing to read how common abuse/harassment was and how it was not recognized.  I was still having my Mom keep me company in the examining room when I was 23 and had to go to the yearly optometrist visit cause of a creepy doctor.  Finally, one year he was out when I had my appointment so it was covered by another doctor in the practice.  Who wasn't skeevy at all.  I made all subsequent appointments with him even though they kept trying to switch me back to Dr Skeeve.

 

There's other stuff, but somehow there was this cultural acceptance of this being ok.  I wonder how much has changed.

[walnutqueen]

If I look at the prevalence of harassment and sexual assault in the military and on college campuses, I'd be tempted to say things haven't changed much.  But of course that's not true, because victims of domestic violence and abuse do come forward now, more often than they did in decades past.  At least these days we have some semblance of acceptance and understanding from a portion of society.

 

Childhood memories are so tricky and elusive, aren't they?  On the one hand I'm sure our own brains block out a lot in service of self preservation, but I also thing that's what many child molesters count on, isn't it?

[ari333]

Indeed some things can be tricky and elusive, (see the PJ story which is super fuzzy)  but some things in my gut I know are REAL.

The weird blurry memories, as Cooks described,  the fear, the doubt....It's painful.

And having my own family members not believe me made me think, well if they don't believe me how will anyone else? Now as an adult and getting older... well I just wish at that time I would have known to speak to SOMEONE ELSE. Sometimes family has their own agenda and protecting certain ones and ... oh don't get me started. I wish I had known to tell a nurse, a teacher, a counselor, a pastor... For me, my cousin was the oldest son of the oldest son... my uncle - a war hero.... My uncle was a great man.... his son (my cousin, the perpetrator).... not so much. And no one would support me because we cant say that about Uncle _____'s son. "YOU DREAMED IT." Oh, yes, that THAT is the dream of young girls. Being held down at three yrs old... and pencils.... 

 

Well, at least I don't take any shit anymore. :) Looking for a silver lining where I can find it :)

Edited October 12, 2015 by ari333

[walnutqueen]

OOOPS! I have tried to edit and for some reason cannot. IN the above PJ post story I meant to say that I was NOT prone to taking off my own PJs in the middle of the night......... NOT prone.....

 

I got it, ari!  When I was a young kid, I wore plenty of clothes at all times.  Perhaps that was our form of armor or protection?

[ari333]

I got it, ari!  When I was a young kid, I wore plenty of clothes at all times.  Perhaps that was our form of armor or protection?

 I know right?

I could  go off on a tangent about many things that were fucked up. But I'm at risk of boring fellow posters. I do want to say some things just to get some responses of .. well that is freaky or abnormal or I understand or Ari you are wrong. I can deal with anything that is sincere even if Im  told that Im wrong.(and I may be ?in some instances?) 

I guess I would like some anonymous validation that yes Ari that is fucked up....

Here's one. I feel lucky to have a young hot boyfriend now of 5 years who apparently loves me. And I enjoy him. But wow, my upbringing was .... IDK the words.. First. my mom was the youngest of 6... two older sisters and the elder sister, my aunt (who also had kids btw)  well,,.. she had certain beliefs....  if a girl wears her hair longer than jawbone length she will be a whore... if a girl wears any undies any color than white... she will be a whore... Why my mom listened to this bullshit is beyond me.  Anyway, I was a virgin til 19 ....But previously as a dating high schooler, honor student... no trouble to anyone.... I had a boyfriend to go to dances with and movies but no sex.... my choice, And that is integral to this story. At 15, I had been prescribed antibiotics for a sinus problem, and got a raging yeast infection as a result. Of course I went to my mom. I recall my mom snarling at me and saying, "What did YOU do with HIM... to get THIS?" I was so hurt and confused. It was horrible. Same thing with an innocent bladder infection.... that happens.... My body was dirty. Sex was dirty... Everything was dirty. It is a wonder I have any normalcy sexually. But I do.... so there.... :) Sorry if this is gross. Im just sharing.

Edited October 12, 2015 by ari333

[walnutqueen]

I think we are well beyond the "oversharing" stigma here, ari.  So many things happened in my youth that I just thought were normal (but not to be discussed); I now know I was raised in a sick and toxic environment that most probably led to lifelong "issues".  I've come to accept my history and share even the most TMI aspects of it without shame.

 

My Mum called me a whore when I took my hair out of it's proverbial bun (with a rhinestone "crown"!!!) in high school and parted it in the middle.  I was an innocent virgin who didn't even know what the word meant - but I'd certainly experienced the behavior of same growing up with her questionable choices ...

 

OK, in my quest to make you feel less uncomfortable about your sharing, I'll tell you a story I rarely share (and not one of any abuse I suffered directly).  Mum "dated" my stepdad for many years before they married when I was 10, and before they got hitched, she was "dating" a lovely guy named Jack - I adored him with all my heart.  Mum asked me who she should marry, and I told her I wanted Jack, but she should marry "Dad" because he was old and needed us, and I felt sorry for him (he was 19 years older than my Mum).  She did, and had an accidental pregnancy soon thereafter.  The night she told Dad about it - while they were engaging in sex in our shared bedroom (yup!!!), he said "How will you like it when you have a n***er baby, bitch?".  Apparently, Jack was from the West Indies or something and I guess was a person of color.  The venom coming from his voice shocked and traumatized me like few other horrors he inflicted upon us.

 

Funny how certain vignettes from our past get stuck into our very souls, eh?

[ari333]

I think we are well beyond the "oversharing" stigma here, ari.  So many things happened in my youth that I just thought were normal (but not to be discussed); I now know I was raised in a sick and toxic environment that most probably led to lifelong "issues".  I've come to accept my history and share even the most TMI aspects of it without shame.

 

My Mum called me a whore when I took my hair out of it's proverbial bun (with a rhinestone "crown"!!!) in high school and parted it in the middle.  I was an innocent virgin who didn't even know what the word meant - but I'd certainly experienced the behavior of same growing up with her questionable choices ...

 

OK, in my quest to make you feel less uncomfortable about your sharing, I'll tell you a story I rarely share (and not one of any abuse I suffered directly).  Mum "dated" my stepdad for many years before they married when I was 10, and before they got hitched, she was "dating" a lovely guy named Jack - I adored him with all my heart.  Mum asked me who she should marry, and I told her I wanted Jack, but she should marry "Dad" because he was old and needed us, and I felt sorry for him (he was 19 years older than my Mum).  She did, and had an accidental pregnancy soon thereafter.  The night she told Dad about it - while they were engaging in sex in our shared bedroom (yup!!!), he said "How will you like it when you have a n***er baby, bitch?".  Apparently, Jack was from the West Indies or something and I guess was a person of color.  The venom coming from his voice shocked and traumatized me like few other horrors he inflicted upon us.

 

Funny how certain vignettes from our past get stuck into our very souls, eh?

 

Wow.

And yes, our very souls.

I try to forgive and etc so as not to poison my heart and I hope I have done that to whatever degree that I can. However, I cant seem to forget. Oh, how I would love to just forget. This is really sad for me because I hate to dream when I sleep.... because I relive horrible things that actually happened....over and over and over.  I really wish I could either not dream at all or not remember the dream when I wake up.

And the word "toxic" totally rings a bell with me.

[walnutqueen]

Wow.

And yes, our very souls.

I try to forgive and etc so as not to poison my heart and I hope I have done that to whatever degree that I can. However, I cant seem to forget. Oh, how I would love to just forget. This is really sad for me because I hate to dream when I sleep.... because I relive horrible things that actually happened....over and over and over.  I really wish I could either not dream at all or not remember the dream when I wake up.

And the word "toxic" totally rings a bell with me.

 

Wow, now that you mention this ... I have totally "forgiven" my Mum (we are now best friends who share a painful history), but I cannot forget, either.  I am fortunate not to relive most of this history in my dreams - BUT, I occasionally have totally innocuous and unrelated-to-abuse RAGE dreams - usually in the form of my Mum or others somehow usurping my rights ... So I'd hazard a guess that I am not "over it" in the least, and my brain is just finding other outlets for my outrage.  ;-)

[ari333]

Random change of topic question for a minute. I was in the grocery yesterday and I was checking out in the line. A 30 ish age dude walked in with an iguana or some reptile of that nature on his shoulder. Another cashier one lane over freaked right out and went running down aisle  three, screaming and waving her hands in the air.. The animal stayed on his shoulder. It was about a foot and a half long maybe 2 or 3 pounds. Not small. I asked my cashier, "Can he bring that in here.... where there's food?" She said that if a person says that an animal is a service animal they can do whatever they want. Then she rolled her eyes. I totally get why blind people and people with epilepsy etc need the dogs and service animals, of course. But an iguana ...on a shoulder ....in a grocery... no leash or anything ? Thoughts ?

 

ps And it was freaking other people out as well.... btw... 

[cooksdelight]

Unless he's got certification from a doctor that the thing is a service animal, no, it's not allowed in the stores. It's not allowed anywhere inside where people are eating, food is out, etc. I once saw a couple with their pug, the pug was riding in the cart. His butt is where someone's food will be the next time they get the cart. I told someone and they told the man he'd have to take the dog outside. It was not a service animal, just a pet.

Our stores have signs that say all service animals must be on a leash, and you must have certification. I have yet to see an animal in the store since those signs went up. Most blind people have someone do their shopping for them.

[ari333]

Unless he's got certification from a doctor that the thing is a service animal, no, it's not allowed in the stores. It's not allowed anywhere inside where people are eating, food is out, etc. I once saw a couple with their pug, the pug was riding in the cart. His butt is where someone's food will be the next time they get the cart. I told someone and they told the man he'd have to take the dog outside. It was not a service animal, just a pet.

Our stores have signs that say all service animals must be on a leash, and you must have certification. I have yet to see an animal in the store since those signs went up. Most blind people have someone do their shopping for them.

 

Thank you for this. The cashier almost made me feel like a jerk, but then she rolled her eyes, so she apparently had her doubts, as I did. What really pissed me off, in addition to the obvious thing, is that the dude seemed to get off on it that he terrified that cashier girl who was clearly afraid. I have no way of reading his mind and don't claim to, but he had a smirk, if you know what I mean. Most people would have said, " OMG Im so sorry; let me go outside" when they saw how scared the woman was. NOPE HE JUST STOOD THERE finishing his ...whatever he was doing. And it is not like he didn't know that it was the animal she was screaming and running from bc she was screaming "OMG!! LIZARD!!! OH GOD HELP ME!!"

 

I love me some animals and don't get me started on how much I love squirrels which are rodents for cryin out loud; but this dude's animal was not cute and cuddly. It was not small, as I said, and it was quite frightening looking. .. which is not the animal's fault; but my point... is it was not on a leash and could have taken a leap at anyone at any time and  they have teeth and claws, do they not?   And Im trying to hold myself back from typing "leaping lizards." [/cornball]

 

Next time I go there I want to speak with the manager and bring up your points, Cooks, about it bc I got the impression that this was not the dude's first time. If that is indeed a service animal I'd be nosy and curious to know what for and why it is not on a leash AT LEAST. Not that someone's medical sitch is my business, but I am curious as to who, or what condition,  requires a reptile in a grocery. Maybe I'll Google it... or "Googoo" it as my English as a second language bf calls it.  :)

 

Cooks, after your dog grocery story... omg..... how many times have I put produce loose in that front basket. ... which is stupid of me bc babies in diapers sit there too. so that one is on me.  :)

Edited October 13, 2015 by ari333

[saber5055]

...

Edited October 13, 2015 by saber5055

[walnutqueen]

ITA about service animals & leashes.  But I was just going to mention the ick factor of kid's snotty diseased little mitts on everything and poopy diaper butts parked in the seats of shopping carts.  :-)

 

 

ETA:  great minds ...

Edited October 13, 2015 by walnutqueen

[cooksdelight]

Since you like squirrels, you will LOVE this. I shot this, I put peanut butter loaded with seeds up in the snout of the squirrel head. It's hilarious to watch them eat.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wIlKhTOvg3A

[ari333]

Since you like squirrels, you will LOVE this. I shot this, I put peanut butter loaded with seeds up in the snout of the squirrel head. It's hilarious to watch them eat.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wIlKhTOvg3A

 

Omg that is adorbs!

[saber5055]

...

Edited October 13, 2015 by saber5055

[ari333]

I cant believe I actually searched it. Note to self. Get a life.

 

Can an Iguana Be a Service Animal?

http://www.care2.com/causes/can-an-iguana-be-a-service-animal.html

Sorry, can't watch anything with squirrels in it. A family of them have been plaguing my life for several years, running across the roof of my house, jumping from tree to tree, running up and down the fences, making the dogs bark and go crazy so I can't get any work done. Let me just say I put the scope on my rifle and my life is considerably better now, although I now want to pull out a rifle whenever I see a squirrel anywhere, I have a fierce hatred of them. But hey, they brought it on themselves, they could have lived anywhere besides at my house.

 

I totally understand!

 

That's how I feel about dogs.

Except I would never shoot one.

...unless it was about to eat my face.

..and was endangering my life somehow.

If the dogs bark at bunnies, do you shoot them too?

[cooksdelight]

I think I read about a woman who took her pig on a flight, claiming it was a service animal. Before they left the gate, the pig had pooped, peed, and generally made a huge ruckus. True service animals are trained to remain calm, quiet, and hold it until you get to your destination. She was escorted off the plane, with her pet pig.

[ari333]

I think I read about a woman who took her pig on a flight, claiming it was a service animal. Before they left the gate, the pig had pooped, peed, and generally made a huge ruckus. True service animals are trained to remain calm, quiet, and hold it until you get to your destination. She was escorted off the plane, with her pet pig.

 omg please tell me you are kidding OMG!!

Regarding planes, I think some folks just don't want to put them, store them?  in the ... wherever they put them....so they claim service animal/ That is kind of hilarious though. But probably not at the time :)

What's next? Emu as service animal and has to go on the plane.... ok Im an ass.

[cooksdelight]

Animals going on the plane in the passenger area must be cleared first. There's a special desk at every airline for pets to be cleared, their paperwork checked, etc. So obviously this woman had something that let her on board with that pig.

http://www.cnn.com/2014/11/30/travel/emotional-support-pig-booted-flight/