S02.E08: Adjusting To Married Life

[operalover]

I don't understand why there needs to be a clear-cut bad guy in the Jessica/Ryan situation. She's clearly passive-aggressive, a poor communicator, and has trouble letting minor issues go. He's clearly arrogant, immature, and has trouble handling conflict without throwing ridiculous tantrums. Neither of them seem like evil people and of course they both have the capacity to change for the better, but it's highly doubtful they'll do so in three weeks without serious editing shenanigans involved. NO ONE should be fighting that bitterly with someone they barely know and have no emotional history with, which makes it clear they're a terrible personality match and can only bring out the worst in each other. Lots of people have had relationships like that and it's embarrassing to think back later on how shitty you both behaved. Of course the experts will try to spin it otherwise since their totes amazing Matchmaking Sciencez never fails(!), but it's pretty obvious.

And I don't think the experts picked the original 6 because they were so well-matched. They picked individuals who seemed like good TV and THEN matched them up. We even saw them debating who they were going to match with whom during the casting special. I don't think there's any science involved at all; they'll just pick people who seem like they'll bring the drama and then edit them to be even more dramatic.

I agree that they bring out the worst in each other. Their conflict styles serve to make them a very volatile couple capable of exploding at any moment. They could not have scientifically made a worse match for bringing out the worst in each other for sure! They both clearly have issues but man Ryan is being a big brat. He can't take any criticism at all, he holds grudges and has so much anger toward her! This guy is a real piece of work. But you hit the nail on the head when you said they bring out the worst in each other! The "experts" totally failed here creating this explosion of personalities.

 

I think they have to stay together for the 6 weeks which is why neither has walked out. As for homesick Ryan- I think he liked the day to day interaction with mom and niece- a visit is not the same thing- but doesn't he work near them? It's ONLY 6 weeks! 

[Fastball]

I would not be a bit surprised if a good portion of this show is fake.

 

 

It has to be partially staged, or at least edited to optimize the drama.  Too much money goes into these shows, and too many people's resumes are riding on them, for it to be left entirely to chance.

 

Ryan will never change because he doesn't see anything wrong with him or his odd hero worship of his grandparents' old fashioned marriage.

 

Somebody needs to explain to Ryan D. that he and his wife aren't his grandparents.  He needs to let his relationhip evolve based on the individuals who are in it.

Edited May 8, 2015 by Fastball

[Snarklepuss]

I don't understand why there needs to be a clear-cut bad guy in the Jessica/Ryan situation. She's clearly passive-aggressive, a poor communicator, and has trouble letting minor issues go. He's clearly arrogant, immature, and has trouble handling conflict without throwing ridiculous tantrums. Neither of them seem like evil people and of course they both have the capacity to change for the better, but it's highly doubtful they'll do so in three weeks without serious editing shenanigans involved. NO ONE should be fighting that bitterly with someone they barely know and have no emotional history with, which makes it clear they're a terrible personality match and can only bring out the worst in each other. Lots of people have had relationships like that and it's embarrassing to think back later on how shitty you both behaved. Of course the experts will try to spin it otherwise since their totes amazing Matchmaking Sciencez never fails(!), but it's pretty obvious.

 

I totally agree with you.  I wanted to get out there that just because I've been focusing on Jessica's issues in my posts doesn't mean I don't think Ryan is a total douchebag all by himself.  I just think she makes him look like an even worse douchebag than he already is with her accusations, some of which I think are overblown.  But yeah, the guy says some stupid jackass things designed to hurt her, and just seems like an all around selfish immature guy in a lot of ways.  I just think Jessica's attitude is also immature and her reactions are often wacko.  So neither of them is the bad guy.  I just got my back up when I saw Ryan being villainized when Jessica deserves 50% of the responsibility for their problems and conflicts.  I don't think they originate from either one of them but both.

 

I also said previously that Jessica acting mortally wounded by Ryan was way over the top for people who basically just met.  You'd think they knew each other much longer than 3 weeks the way they fight.  Which is another reason I wonder if they were involved with each other before the show, perhaps in a dating relationship.  It would explain the emotional intensity which just looks wacko on both ends unless they were already a couple.

[shopper73]

The emotional intensity could be staged, or maybe there is a certain amount of intensity from the couples' idolizations and expectations of marriage itself. They had such high hopes of meeting The One, set up by experts, etc.

[shopper73]

Then again I was just reading some other posts speculating they are acting, and that could be!

[SaucyMommy]

I don't believe any of this is staged. No way. The emotions are way too raw, and their fight felt real to me.  They would have to be really good actors to fake that, and neither to me seem intelligent enough to be good actors.

[Liberty]

... neither to me seem intelligent enough to be good actors.

 

Ouch!

[Passthepopcorn]

I see Ryan as having a lot of bravado, but ti doesn't bother me.  A lot of young guys are like that, to me, Ryan's full of a lot of hot air, but if Jessica's very sensitive to feeling inferior, she probably sees him as putting her down.

 

I'm on the "I don't think he is that bad" too. He will be fine with the right partner (and maybe Jessica will manage to read him). If you get past the tornado around him and have the wit to get to him, he'll respond well. He has a lot of confidence and self worth so if you offend him, he won't badge until you get that (in this case) he is not a thief. He wants her to be honest and speak to his face instead of accuse him in front of the camera about something that didn't seem like a big problem at the time, or was dealt with at the time between them. 

The fact that he couldn't name anything good she did for him: I think it was because he didn't want to say it. This was quite cruel, but I don't think it was the right time to talk about it because he was still very mad. They needed to discuss things, explode all that rage a little, get it out.

I'm really hopping it works out. It was painful to watch.

[smiley221]

It seems all three of the men have withdrawn from the women as the women have become too invested in the men.  The men are pulling away.  

The only couple who can remotely survive is Jacklyn and Ryan.   Jacklyn did one thing right.  She communicated the fact that she realized that he is not invested in the relationship lately and that it was fine with her if they remained friends.     She is such a level headed  person.   Ryan will realize he would be a fool to lose her.    

Edited May 9, 2015 by smiley221

[shopper73]

Yes, Smiley, I think it all comes down to The Rules and men needing to feel like they are pursuing. The women can't demand attention, commitment, etc. Jaclyn is playing it right.

[ChristmasJones]

It seems all three of the men have withdrawn from the women as the women have become too invested in the men.  The men are pulling away.  

The only couple who can remotely survive is Jacklyn and Ryan.   Jacklyn did one thing right.  She communicated the fact that she realized that he is not invested in the relationship lately and that it was fine with her if they remained friends.     She is such a level headed  person.   Ryan will realize he would be a fool to lose her.    

 

Yes, this was a genius move on Jacklyn's part-  you could see the expression on his face change the second she said that.

[Wings]

So many want to get on the reality train.  This show smacks of a thrown together and vague effort.  They got cocky.  Season one produced 2 successes, for now.  This does not mean their process works as we will see this season, perhaps.  We see Ryan and Jacklyn

have made it

, but do we really know that?  Are they being paid to send those instagrams? I believe very little with these skeevy guys.  It is so shady I am now watching for the autopsy photos.  Give me a bloody body on ID and I am good to go.   

[Bella]

So many want to get on the reality train.  This show smacks of a thrown together and vague effort.  They got cocky.  Season one produced 2 successes, for now.  This does not mean their process works as we will see this season, perhaps.  We see Ryan and Jacklyn

have made it

, but do we really know that?  Are they being paid to send those instagrams? I believe very little with these skeevy guys.  It is so shady I am now watching for the autopsy photos.  Give me a bloody body on ID and I am good to go.  

 

Okay, so what do we really think happened with these couples, behind the editing, social media, etc.? I'm taking it to the Social Media thread, which - for the spoiler-averse - is slightly but not definitively spoilerish.

 

I don't know if we have any spoiler-phobes here, btw, but I always assume we do, and so I sometimes go back into people's posts and add spoiler tags.

[Wings]

Okay, so what do we really think happened with these couples, behind the editing, social media, etc.? I'm taking it to the Social Media thread, which - for the spoiler-averse - is slightly but not definitively spoilerish.

 

I don't know if we have any spoiler-phobes here, btw, but I always assume we do, and so I sometimes go back into people's posts and add spoiler tags.

 

 

Oops.  Thanks for putting that in a spoiler tab.  

[Passthepopcorn]

It'd be funny if *we* are actually the experiment. The show is studying our reaction to the couples. One of them is certainly polarizing. 

Good point! Yes, the more threads, the more we discuss, the more rating for the show. They must be saying: "We are doing well!". They don't need us to love it or hate it. As long as we are watching, it works!

[Passthepopcorn]

I agree so much with Snarklepus about Ryan and his over-attachment to his family. There is something odd about it, it is his need, not theirs. I would imagine his mom needs help more with the house and yard, not with the niece, who is already a teen. It should be a collective family responsibility to help the mom, not fall on Ryan's shoulders. But it seems to be a need of Ryan's, not his mom or the niece.

I have to disagree. It is odd because the situation is very delicate and out of the ordinary (the situation being a child loosing both parents). I think it is a collective responsibility, but Ryan is the closest male figure. To say that a teenager doesn't need you anymore because they are more interested in their friends and stuff is mind blowing. Teenagers will push you away and try to find their own place in life, but they still need strong loving adult figures present.

 

Ultimately, it is his calling. He doesn't have to, he wants to, can't help it. God bless him for that.

 He doesn't want to go back to the family home. He wants to move closer to their own place. He said he never imagined himself living more than 20 minutes away. He should have made moving from LI a deal breaker.

He probably shouldn't even be in a show like this.  

The woman for him should know this fatherly/close uncle situation exist and is not going anywhere. That doesn't mean that his wife will be second to it, though. Ideally, they will be a team.

Now, is this fair for Jaclyn? I hope the option of being paired with someone with kids' responsibility was discussed and she said no problem. Otherwise it is unfair. She has been a good sport about it, so far. I hope it works for both of them!

Edited May 9, 2015 by Passthepopcorn

[Passthepopcorn]

 

 

I also said previously that Jessica acting mortally wounded by Ryan was way over the top for people who basically just met.  You'd think they knew each other much longer than 3 weeks the way they fight.  Which is another reason I wonder if they were involved with each other before the show, perhaps in a dating relationship.  It would explain the emotional intensity which just looks wacko on both ends unless they were already a couple.

I think she sees her past relationships in him, the same old situation personified in different guys.

[Snarklepuss]

I have to disagree. It is odd because the situation is very delicate and out of the ordinary (the situation being a child loosing both parents). I think it is a collective responsibility, but Ryan is the closest male figure. To say that a teenager doesn't need you anymore because they are more interested in their friends and stuff is mind blowing. Teenagers will push you away and try to find their own place in life, but they still need strong loving adult figures present.

 

Oh, for sure, but does he have to be there every day in order to provide that?  I think teens are better able to handle a little less daily involvement than pre-teens.

 

 

He said he never imagined himself living more than 20 minutes away. He should have made moving from LI a deal breaker.

He probably shouldn't even be in a show like this. 

 

That's the trouble with Long Island.  Suffolk County is pretty isolated from the rest of the world.  First there's the hideous traffic just to get to the City, then you have the hideous traffic of the City itself to contend with, and you've already invested at least an hour or more in travel (and that's if the traffic is good!).   Never mind going anywhere else.  One of my good friends lives on Long Island.  She thinks places only a few miles away are far away because it would take her so long to drive there in the traffic.  Living only 20 minutes away would mean Ryan would still be somewhere on the Island, not that far away.  Anyone he got involved with would either have to be from the Island or be willing to relocate.  It doesn't look like that far but the travel time is longer than in other places.  That's why he and Jaclyn are only living in Queens and he's still acting like he might as well be on the moon.  I think he was being unrealistic about this given the challenge of his location for most people unless they are from the Island.  And that would really limit the show's ability to match him quite a bit.

Edited May 10, 2015 by Snarklepuss

[jenifaohjenny]

Oh, for sure, but does he have to be there every day in order to provide that?  I think teens are better able to handle a little less daily involvement than pre-teens.

 

 

 

That's the trouble with Long Island.  Suffolk County is pretty isolated from the rest of the world.  First there's the hideous traffic just to get to the City, then you have the hideous traffic of the City itself to contend with, and you've already invested at least an hour or more in travel (and that's if the traffic is good!).   Never mind going anywhere else.  One of my good friends lives on Long Island.  She thinks places only a few miles away are far away because it would take her so long to drive there in the traffic.  Living only 20 minutes away would mean Ryan would still be somewhere on the Island, not that far away.  Anyone he got involved with would either have to be from the Island or be willing to relocate.  It doesn't look like that far but the travel time is longer than in other places.  That's why he and Jaclyn are only living in Queens and he's still acting like he might as well be on the moon.  I think he was being unrealistic about this given the challenge of his location for most people unless they are from the Island.  And that would really limit the show's ability to match him quite a bit.

I agree. The chances he would find someone in his own area that was willing to live in his mother's basement? Not high. I really like him and them as a couple. I hope they make it...but he will have to make some sacrifices in order to do that. Maybe he should have thought about this more deeply before jumping in.

[HumblePi]

I would not be a bit surprised if a good portion of this show is fake.

 

I look at it this way.  People who sign up for this show have to be willing to be:

 

• Legally married to a stranger
• Willing to marry a stranger on TV and be willing to be filmed for the next six weeks
• Be in the NY metropolitan area
• Be attractive (no unattractive people on TV...grin)
• Be sane; sure Ryan D has a temper, but they don't want any serious nut jobs.

There's no question that although the show isn't entirely scripted like a regular weekly television series, the 'cast' are all given some storyline ideas to work with. The dialog that's filmed is then edited and cut and pasted in order to make something cohesive for viewing. The experts here are even difficult to listen to when they dialog, they're speaking right out of textbooks. The couples have all signed up for a fun ride in a television series, made some bucks and got their faces seen for future jobs 'in the business'.  Not one of any of these three couples will make it to a year. If they make it past the six weeks it's only so they contracted to do it and will last six weeks, no longer.

[TheBride]

At this point it seems that Davina and Sean are not a good match, Ryan and Jessica are too volatile and already said too many things to each other to reconstruct the honeymoon period (which is highly important in any relationship - 6 months or so), and Ryan and Jaclyn have a shot at it. I think all of them should divorce and see if they actually want to date. I bet only Ryan and Jaclyn could pass that test.

Edited May 22, 2015 by TheBride