The "Experts"

[Guest]

What makes these experts experts? do they all have significant others? have they been succesful in finding partners? while they talk about their educational qualifications, there is no mention of their personal lives. so what makes them expert in finding love really?

[PityFree]

The "experts"? Don't even get me started.

[SaucyMommy]

Their diagnostic TOOLS and all their DATA that produced 6 people out of 7.000 with were chiseled, fame whores and gorgeous. 

[Snarklepuss]

Yeah, I love how when asked how reliable those inventories were when they were based on how well the respondents knew themselves, the "expert" replied that their "instruments" can weed out someone who was not being honest.  Well, that depends on how good and consistent a liar the respondent is or how well entrenched their delusion about themselves is.  The only way those self-reporting tests tell if someone is perhaps not being truthful or genuine is when they answer similar questions inconsistently.  But that could also happen because they misunderstood the real meaning of the question or aren't paying enough attention to the question to answer it consistently from one wording to the next.  One wording could make them feel like answering differently than another.  So it's total BS.  I used to deal in those inventories and they are far from reliable no matter how they try to bring out inconsistencies in people's responses.

[MsPH]

The fact that they picked a guy with self-admitted anger issues says all about their "instruments" to me. That is something everyone deserves to know before marriage, not on their honeymoon. You can't make someone unwittingly marry a ticking time bomb. He may have his anger under control for now, but there's no guarantee it'll stay under control, especially when going through such intense life changes. I would really like to hear Dr. C's justification for putting Ryan D on the show. If you're still reading this forum, Dr C., then feel free to state your case!

[SaucyMommy]

they should be honest and say that unattractive and over weight people were weeded out by producers. IMHO

[skittles30]

they may think theyre experts, but they're not

[crazychicken]

 I would really like to hear Dr. C's justification for putting Ryan D on the show. If you're still reading this forum, Dr C., then feel free to state your case!

 He is still posting rarely on another forum.  He has just replied to a similar question, I will just cut and paste as it is rather lengthy.

 

 

Sorry to be so absent, but things are REALLY hectic with Season 3 getting underway.

There was much discussion and debate about Ryan D's issues with expressing anger appropriately and having the capacity to be very hot tempered at times.  The potential difficulties posed by this tendency of his in combination with Jessica's sensitivity were very thoroughly considered.  I believe some of this was highlighted in the Matchmaking Special.

Jessica sometimes has difficulty expressing herself frankly and clearly, particularly when it comes to emotional issues.  They both demonstrated siginficant insight and awareness around these tendencies.  They (and we the experts) ultimately felt that there was a potential for them to help eachother grow in the areas they both needed to.  Ryan learning to be more patient/less reactive by being matched with and learning to be senstive to the needs of a more sensitve and less overtly communicative spouse.  And Jessica learning to buffer her sensitivity a bit and communicate more freely and directly. 

They both expressed that they felt strongly that a spouse that could complement them in that way and help foster growth in the ways they each needed was rather striking.  For me, have such a keen awareness around this and apparent desire and motivation to foster personal growth for themsleves in this way through their marriage was what utimately convinced me that the potential benefit and complementarity outweighed the risks.

With that said, Ryan's anger issues and reactivity became troublesome (as you are seeing) rather quickly.  Many of the reactions and behaviors that are being discussed here were surprising to us, even though I was well aware of the issues with anger and reactivity.  He is an interesting dichotomy of quite thoughtful, intelligent, mature and insightful when it comes to certain issues and situations, and quite the polar opposite of these traits in others. 

One of the things that I'm learning about my assessments for MAFS is that my instruments give very accurate and powerful measures of personality that are really seeming to be very on target in the context of the experiment, however, measures of personality are not measures of maturity.  There are really no instruments that can give accurate information about that.

More imporantly, however, is what is turing out to be the big wild card of the experiment:  the way these individuals are actually affected when the experiment begins and they reality of being married to a stranger (and everything be documented on film) acutally hits.

We place tremendous emphasis on trying to be as confident as possible that the individuals we choose are prepared, aware, and have the internal resources to cope effectively.  It is becoming more and more evident, that this is not so easy to predict. 

For example, Sean impressed all of us as exceptionally prepared and equipped for the experiment.  All my testing supported this, and he was extremely calm and certain in his decison.  In fact, his calm and composure was quite uncanny and created a strong impression on everyone involved.

Interestingly, he was the first to really feel overwhelmed and stressed by the experiment.  His reaction and experience was quite a surprise to all of us, and even more so to him.  What is appearing to be a lack of awareness and poor listening skills in recent episodes to me is the manifestation of this "surprise' stress reaction.

I think that it's imporant to really remember the intesity of the experiment, and to always factor in how this might be impacting the reactions and reponses you are seeing on screen.  I'm finding that often times traits and qualites are exagerated and amplified (e.g Ryan D.) and in others, unexpected and a typical reactions occur (e.g Sean).

This is by no means a free pass for poor behavior and it in no way removes accountability and responsibility for words and actions (e.g. Vaughn, Ryan D.), however, I think it can be helpful for the viewer watching these journeys unfold to understand them better and decipher the nuances and subtleties of the dynamics of these evolving relationships.

From  http://community.babycenter.com/post/a55825153/married_at_first_sight_season_two?cpg=48

 

So essentially they knew and hoped Jess would suck it up and become less sensitive, over time in a normal relationship where they are not together 24/7 and she could have a timeout from the douche I could understand but this is a 6 week experiment where there is no real reprieve from the jerk and he does not seem the be self aware enough to change his behavior. If he was so aware of his reactivity and anger then you think he would be making a huge effort since he should be on his best behavior during the start of a relationship. If they stay together I can only see the 'jokes' getting worse.

 

I am no expert but expecting people to change to make a relationship work does not seem the best start to me.

[MsPH]

Thanks for bringing that over, crazychicken!

 

Oh wow, so they were well aware of Ryan D's anger issues, but since he was aware of them too, they thought putting him together with a sensitive moody woman would fix him? Alrighty then. Seems like a recipe for disaster, but what do I know. You'd think these people were being matched by 20-year-old women with a bad boy fetish instead of qualified professionals. This isn't a romance novel, this is real life! Or so they keep telling us. I think we all saw since episode 0 that Ryan D has some growing up to do, but his immaturity came out of nowhere to the experts? Right.

 

The whole "we cannot predict how they'll react once in the experiment" is such a cop-out. They can basically use that excuse to justify anything. "It's not really him, it's the experiment!" No way do I believe that Sean's lack of listening is atypical behaviour for him. Seems like part of his personality to me. His urgent way of speaking, sometimes over other people, was a yellow flag for me since early on. And aren't narcissists known for acting calm and collected and being able to easily fool other people?

 

It's also pretty likely that someone with anger issues will react badly to being stuck with a stranger they may or may not like for 6 weeks. It doesn't seem surprising to me at all. Stressful situations aren't known for calming people down.

[Snarklepuss]

OK, I admit it, I could qualify to be one of these "experts" based on my graduate degree in Counseling Psych.  All I have to say is you would think they would know that relationships can't take the place of therapy and you can't expect one person's issues to "solve" another's.  Complement and bring out the best in each other, maybe, but not solve each other's issues.  How totally unrealistic of them.  I would have hoped for better from them.

 

Also, what he said about Sean kind of confirmed what I said in another thread to the effect that the process of the show itself has made him shut down and has overwhelmed him, perhaps because of introversion to some extent but also because of his particular issues.  They bought into his controlled exterior, but didn't they know about his issues enough to see that this exterior was a very easily cracked shell or facade?  Again, so-called experts indeed.

 

Also, he says that their "instruments" did not test for emotional maturity - What a freaking cop out!  How about using their good ol' common SENSE?  I suppose expecting them to have that kind of sense about people is too much to ask?  Or WTF did they go into psychology for if they can't SEE that for themselves?  Yikes, it's like the doctor who has to make you take MRIs and CAT scans before being able to say you pulled a muscle.  COME ON, it should be OBVIOUS, especially if you told him it happened while running.  I have seen inventories for emotional maturity - perhaps not as reliable as all that but they would have certainly been more reliable than NOTHING.

[PityFree]

No, "experts", NO. You do not put two people together hoping they will help each other change. That's not their jobs as spouses and it is ridiculous and irresponsible for you to put them in that position. 

 

 He is still posting rarely on another forum.  He has just replied to a similar question, I will just cut and paste as it is rather lengthy.

 

From  http://community.babycenter.com/post/a55825153/married_at_first_sight_season_two?cpg=48

 

So essentially they knew and hoped Jess would suck it up and become less sensitive, over time in a normal relationship where they are not together 24/7 and she could have a timeout from the douche I could understand but this is a 6 week experiment where there is no real reprieve from the jerk and he does not seem the be self aware enough to change his behavior. If he was so aware of his reactivity and anger then you think he would be making a huge effort since he should be on his best behavior during the start of a relationship. If they stay together I can only see the 'jokes' getting worse.

 

I am no expert but expecting people to change to make a relationship work does not seem the best start to me.

Well said! Thanks for the extra info form the other forum!

[SaucyMommy]

you can compliment a person - but you should not be your spouses freaking therapist. that's insane! 

Edited April 9, 2015 by SaucyMommy

[sleekandchic]

Whoa. Dr C does himself and the experiment no favors by that explanation. I'm disturbed.

They whittled 7000 applicants to six finalists, then did their damndest to fit square pegs into round holes. I'm already on record here with my opinion that the choices of Sean (Doug's friend) and Jessica (semi finalist from season 1 and one of Dr C' s favorites) were fait accompli. But Dr C' s verbal gymnastics and rationalizations expose a real disingenuousness and dishonesty of the entire process.

Thanks so much for bringing the post here, crazychicken. :)

[SaucyMommy]

After reading the above explanation - he's full of crap. As is Dr. Logan.

[Kiss my mutt]

I think if they matched the couples up by astrological signs or go by Suzanne White's east/west astrology compatibility book they could have done better. See which is more accurate.

Not a fan of dr. C.

[okerry]

Wow, crazychicken, thanks for posting all that!

 

Sure, it's true that couples can complement each other's strengths and weaknesses -- but they can't "fix" them. There's a difference.

 

My SO is considerably stronger than I am on ever level, and that helps me because I can lean on it. He says that my rather low-key style has a calming effect on him, and he likes that. But none of that is going to make us change who we are. We're a good fit but we'll always be the way we are.

 

(I am a female, BTW, just mentioning because my screen name doesn't always make that obvious.)

 

And not that I'm obsessed with it or anything, but I hope it's becoming obvious to the experts that these couples having sex right way is not not not helpful to them. The sexpert on the panel - the blonde woman - just gives the most vapid non-advice about this, which generally translates to, "Do whatever you want." Well, they don't need an expert to tell them that, no matter what the topic is.

 

If nothing else, this social experiment is pointing out one thing: Your grandma was right. If you want the relationship to last, don't sleep with a man on the first date. Not even if you are married to him! Ryan D. *might* be okay with a woman he was genuinely head-over-heels in love with, but he's done with Jessica and was done with her after the first night.

 

When a man is just not that into you, honey, there's nothing you can do about it and it's not your fault. Trouble is, he doesn't have a chance to fall in love with you when you give it up to him that fast.

 

I hope Jessica gets out of there soon. I keep hoping we'll see an episode where the camera crew calls the experts and says, "You won't believe what's going on with these two. Send a car/plane/boat/train for Jessica right now and get her out of there." They really should.

Edited April 9, 2015 by okerry

[Snarklepuss]

When a man is just not that into you, honey, there's nothing you can do about it and it's not your fault. Trouble is, he doesn't have a chance to fall in love with you when you give it up to him that fast. I hope Jessica gets out of there soon. I keep hoping we'll see an episode where the camera crew calls the experts and says, "You won't believe what's going on with these two. Send a car/plane/boat/train for Jessica right now and get her out of there." They really should.

 

Well, I kind of disagree with you and have said so much in other threads/posts.  I think it depends on the maturity level of the people having the sex and how ready they are for a relationship commitment, plus how into each other they are.  I had sex with my husband on the first date and we are still together after 35 years.  Then again I just knew that we were going to at least be in love and have a full relationship if not married.  My gut had an instinct about him and us right away.  During the "sexual revolution" it was not at all uncommon for people to have sex on the first date, usually if they didn't really care if it turned into anything more than that.  But sometimes it does! 

[SaucyMommy]

Some men can handle the whole sex on the first date and others cannot. I don't think it's a deal breaker long term as I know MANY people that have married after sex on the first date. I don't think Ryan D falls in to that category. I'm flabbergasted that they saw all these red flags with him and still thought he was ready for marriage.

[HappilyEverAfter]

Thanks CrazyChicken for your post! Good info. I don't have time to find this stuff so happy you shared! The experts are OK to me.They don't offend me enough to bash them. Dr. Phil would be fun to watch dissecting the couples!

[zxy556575]

Thanks for bringing over that post. And gah.

 

I would still like an explanation of why Ryan D wasn't matched with Jaclyn, who is more than capable of standing up for herself and not getting intimidated by a guy who tries to prove how macho he is by steamrolling over people's feelings.

 

You don't have to be Patti Stanger to see that Ryan R and Jessica would have been much more compatible. And I say that even if it turns out that Ryan R and Jaclyn do end up staying together.

[okerry]

Thanks for bringing over that post. And gah.

 

>>>I would still like an explanation of why Ryan D wasn't matched with Jaclyn, who is more than capable of standing up for herself and not getting intimidated by a guy who tries to prove how macho he is by steamrolling over people's feelings.

 

I thought of that, too, but the show probably was afraid they'd have WWIII on their hands if they put those two together. And they might be right.

 

>>>You don't have to be Patti Stanger to see that Ryan R and Jessica would have been much more compatible. And I say that even if it turns out that Ryan R and Jaclyn do end up staying together.

 

LOL very true. Jessica definitely needed a low-key, sensitive guy who'd be happy to give her a lot of attention. Instead, they put her with a hothead hoping she'd help him fix his anger issues while he forced her to stand up for herself. Yeah, sounds like a recipe for bliss right there. Crikey.

[crazychicken]

 I rolled my eyes at the great Dr's first response thinking yeah great you threw together a couple knowing that one was sensitive and the other had a temper and expected Jessica to fix Ryan. From his previous posts I knew he was a pompus arse but now I am putting the great doctor above Ryan in the douche stakes with his follow up response. I have highlighted the part that sent my temper flaring oh and his follow up to that. When I calm down I am going to write a huge rant to the good Dr, I got howled down last year when I didn't agree with his defence of his great love Jamie but  politeness be damned I hope that Jessica stands up for herself and tells the experts that they put her in a relationship which is dangerous to her mentally at the least.

 

 

DrCilona
Last edited 2 hrs ago
In reply to Wenders11:
"I think my favorite person, besides Dr C, is the editor who added the...

 

I would caution you all to look at everyone with as fresh a perspective as possible for deeper understanding of the dynamics of these relationships.  I see the temptation to draw comparisons (e.g. V. and Ryan D.), especially when behaviors are so glaring, maddening, and inappropriate.

However, I will say that although there may seem to be similarities between V and Ryan, for me they are extremely superficial and not at all significiant or substantive.

Ryan often has big issues with controlling his temper and acting out inappropriately.  His impulse control is poor when it comes to some "hot button" triggers that are unique to him.  This follows through in many areas for him.  For example, he is VERY into politics, and has strong opinions and gets very passionate about them in political discussions.

The important thing to know about Ryan D. is that when the moment is over and his emotions settle, he is (often, though not always) very aware that he crossed the line.  He struggles with this and often feels deep remorse and guilt--even to the point of having trouble taking responsibility, apologizing, being accountable, etc.  NOT because deep down he thinks he is right, but the opposite.  I think that some of his arguing defending himself is actually an attmept to convince himself, because the alternative is tough for him to accept.

V. on the other hand, is much more tunnel-visioned so-to-speak.  He has strong opinions and I cannot think of one instance (even his apology letter) throughout season 1 in which he recognized poor or otherwise inappropriate behvior and seemingly felt badly about it, gave a heartfult apology, genuinely tried to make amends, etc. 

He had very strong justifications for his behavior and opinions, and rarely, if ever, waivered from them. I would speculate that even to this day, he might argue somthing like: "Well,  her hand WASN'T broken, the surgery was on her foot!"  ;)

I do believe firmly that under all of the troublesome behavior, Ryan D. has a good and loving heart.  He struggles with those parts of himself that really need work--when he is not in the grips of intense emotional reactions. 

However, I totally get how with Ryan that can become either dificult to see or even difficult to care about when it comes to certain behaviors. For me, though, this is an important distinction.

Finally, I would say that the dynamic between Ryan and Jessica is a very common one, and that there are MANY couples that can relate to it.  I think this becomes a very charged issue for friends and family members of couples like this, and very polarizing and emotionally charged.  Most often the woman who is more like the Jessica, struggles around reconciling the good qualities and her feelings, and the bad qualities and struggles. 

There are a lot of nuances that impact the dynamics of these kinds of relationships.  I hope that the viewers don't get too wrapped up in strong reactions that they lose the opportunity to understand what's really going on in these kinds of relationhips.  I'm sure most people can think of someone they know that is in a similar kind of relationship...to one degree or another.

Remember, it's VERY easy to judge, especially when it comes to extremes.  It's NOT so easy to really UNDERSTAND.  I would encourage and challenge everyone to try strive for the latter.  This is what can really create change in all of us and in all of our relationships.

 

So from that I got that Ryan acts like an areshole, knows that he acted like an arsehole but will not apologise and acts like a bigger arsehole to cover up that acted like an arsehole.

DrCilona
Last edited 1 hr ago

In reply to Transatlantic Baby

In my dating life my hard limits were men who didn't understand boundaries and thoses who had violent tempers.

It is difficult to see how that would be good for anyone, but I am trying to be open to watch how it will work out for them.

 

 

Let me be very clear.  Under no circumstances do I think disrespect of boundaries and a violent and explosive temper is good for anyone, ever. Nor is there any way, place, or time that it is healthy, positive, okay, or acceptable.

It might be helpful to reread what I wrote to understand more fully what I was trying to communicate.

 Oops my bad you would never put a person with an explosive temper into not only a relationship but a friggin marriage, guess I better go tell the great man 'he makes everything better' like his other fangirls

[SaucyMommy]

Wow. In my eyes neither Vaughn or Ryan D's ways of handling conflict are good. So Ryan Knows he did wrong but won't admit it and Vaughn doesn't think he did anything wrong and won't admit he did anything wrong. to me it's 2 men that never should have been matched on this show.

[Bella]

Dr. C cracks me up - that's worthy of a comedy act. Except he then goes on and messes with the lives of real people. I'd rather see a bunch of 10-year-olds do the matching next time. I bet they'd be more successful.

 

These bozos have no idea what they're doing. Common sense, anyone? 

 

Or, as my grandmother used to say, "you don't marry a drunkard to reform him."

 

Sheesh!

[SaucyMommy]

Under no circumstances do I believe that production isn't a huge part of the selection process.  How else would they weed down the crew to attractive individuals with slamming bodies? Seriously! They are such a farce it's actually sad. Dr. Logan is a piece of work too. Sex therapy? My goodness. She's more like a Whack Doctor. They want us to believe that Jessica, who has said she wants to be a household name, did this for authentic purposes and that Ryan D was somehow mature enough for marriage. I'm fairly confident he was still living at home with his mom. And they said he was self employed. Have you noticed they NEVER discuss their jobs either!? I mean the 2 other couples have but not Jessica and Ryan D. Which again further proves to me they are suspect. Ryan D. Hasn't like Jessica since the first time he saw her. But because he apparently can't say he's wrong or admit it or whatever, he's just going along for the ride and torturing her.

[okerry]

>>>So from that I got that Ryan acts like an areshole, knows that he acted like an arsehole but will not apologise and acts like a bigger arsehole to cover up that acted like an arsehole.

 

And not only does Ryan D know he acts this way, The Experts admitted that they know it, too, and have from the start. Unfreakinbelievable.

 

>>>Finally, I would say that the dynamic between Ryan and Jessica is a very common one, and that there are MANY couples that can relate to it.  I think this becomes a very charged issue for friends and family members of couples like this, and very polarizing and emotionally charged.  Most often the woman who is more like the Jessica, struggles around reconciling the good qualities and her feelings, and the bad qualities and struggles.

 

This is the one that really gets me. Yes, there are a lot of women who honestly believe that if I'm nice enough to this guy who treats me like crap -- including having sex with him -- then he'll start being nice to me in return.

 

Gaah! Women can find this sh*t on their own! They don't need "experts" FINDING IT FOR THEM for godz sake!!!

 

Yes, Dr. C, there are a lot of pathetic women out there who are treated like crap by their men. You're supposed to AVOID that. Did you miss that particular meeting?

 

None of The Experts seem to have the slightest clue that this is how men behave when they're around a woman that they really don't want. Forget your stupid degrees, Experts. You'd do a lot better to watch the movie *He's Just Not That Into You.* That explained it all in the opening scene.

 

Wonder if Jessica can sue them for malpractice? It really is that bad.

[MsPH]

Yeah, the argument that plenty of women are with douchebags like Ryan is like the cherry on top of all this ridiculousness. The women in such relationships chose those men themselves, or decided to stay once their douchiness was revealed. Jessica had no choice! She put her trust in these experts to match her up with a nice guy and they knowingly married her off to some jerk who will never admit to being wrong or doing anything wrong ever, because it's too "tough" for him to even consider. Am I supposed to feel sorry for him or something? I think everyone barring sociopaths has some good in them, but I don't really care if it's buried underneath all kinds of nastiness. Dr. C is a clown. He seems like a socially awkward nerd on camera too, so I guess it's not surprising that common sense isn't part of his toolbox.

 

Oh and if your instruments can't determine maturity, then here's a suggestion: Look at their instagram accounts! That would've revealed Ryan's manchild status in 2 minutes.

[Snarklepuss]

I hate to say this but there are a lot of people practicing Psychology today that really have no business doing it.  They may have a lot of book knowledge of theories and so called "instruments", but if they have no common sense or a real empathic understanding of people and relationships they're going to fail miserably at helping them find love.  I may have a MS in Counseling Psych. but even I know that credentials alone aren't going to make up for a lack of all those other qualities.  I myself have gone to therapists who I knew weren't worth the paper their degrees were printed on.    Then again I almost suspect that these people are therapists playing a role, and that they've been told who to match with whom, etc. by the producers.  In that case I would consider them the lowest of the low in compromising their professional ethics to make a buck.  I really think they're sincere, but they have made a few mistakes.

Edited April 9, 2015 by Snarklepuss

[HappilyEverAfter]

I always had heard many people persue the practice of Pschology to figure out what is wrong with them. Before you throw apples at my head, my best friend is a psycho therapist because she is a nurturer but she often says most psychiatrist are nuttier than their clients.

[SaucyMommy]

When the show initially aired a few weeks ago, I was tweeting and the "experts" apparently didn't like my opinions on their matches. I smelled a lie with the Jessica and Ryan D match from the wedding. It was evident that they both have ulterior motives for the show. Dr. C was all about how sensitive Jessica is and blah blah. I kept thinking, I'm not a psychologist, but if I have an overly sensitive friend the LAST thing I do is hook her up with a man with short man disease and Hope her sensitivity brings out his softer side. To date I've witnessed nothing soft or even compromising about Ryan D. The more I watch I do see why Ryan R and Jacklyn were paired. They are very nice compliments. The other two floor me too. TWO overly emotional people that appear very self absorbed.  It does not surprise me that Sean and Davina are both mid 30s and still single. It appears they've never moved past the ME monster. I was reading further on the baby center discussion and he says Sean is by far the nicest of all the 12 they've matched. I'd likely disagree. I'd say Doug is probably the most likable of all the men they've put on the show. Says a lot for them when the experts are surprised at our reactions. They can't believe people are put off by Sean. Um he's a weirdo

[SaucyMommy]

while Jacklyn and Ryan R seem like a good match, the other two matches seem so disastrous even at first glance.... so what were the experts thinking? as someone pointed out (was it another thread?) that all these folks are all good looking and all fit etc.. so how much of the decision was the television execs and how much was of the decision by the experts? did they feel that it would make for good drama to watch and therefore, paired these two couples??

 

here's an old interview from the danish producer of the original show and this comment was interesting <<“So it’s a little bit unnatural for the broadcasters and we have had some – not trouble – but more like discussions: this is an integrated part of the format that you need to let go of your normal television control. Otherwise it won’t succeed because no one on a television production is a psychologist or matchmaker. It has to be the experts who decide. From the broadcasters’ point of view, that’s the biggest control issue.”>>

Read more: http://realscreen.com/2014/08/15/i-dos-and-i-donts-five-lessons-from-married-at-first-sight/#ixzz3WqAzAGss

 

wonder how much of this played out here... from the trailers for the danish show, the folks just seem like average joe's. does anyone know how the results played out in the original?

 

 

That was me that pointed out the cast and their appearances. I read that all the Danish couples were divorced within 1 year of the show.

[Neurochick]

Jessica sometimes has difficulty expressing herself frankly and clearly, particularly when it comes to emotional issues.  They both demonstrated siginficant insight and awareness around these tendencies.  They (and we the experts) ultimately felt that there was a potential for them to help eachother grow in the areas they both needed to.  Ryan learning to be more patient/less reactive by being matched with and learning to be senstive to the needs of a more sensitve and less overtly communicative spouse.  And Jessica learning to buffer her sensitivity a bit and communicate more freely and directly.

 

 

So what that means to me is that Ryan and Jessica were put together to work on each other's issues.  That's not a reason for marriage.  It's supposed to be two whole people together, not two half people trying to make a whole.  That's a recipe for disaster.

[sleekandchic]

Dear Dr C, Take my friendly advice and stop responding on the other forum. You're digging yourself deeper and deeper. But if you do decide to continue your participation there, try to accept others' criticisms of your process and do not condescend to them by suggesting they "reread [your posts] to understand more fully what [you are] trying to communicate."

I don't think the questioners are having any reading-comprehension problems.

Holy guacamole!

Edited April 9, 2015 by sleekandchic

[Snarklepuss]

I always had heard many people persue the practice of Pschology to figure out what is wrong with them. Before you throw apples at my head, my best friend is a psycho therapist because she is a nurturer but she often says most psychiatrist are nuttier than their clients.

 

No, no apples, she's absolutely correct.  One reason I never ended up practicing it - I wasn't nutty enough, LOL!

 

The other two floor me too. TWO overly emotional people that appear very self absorbed.  It does not surprise me that Sean and Davina are both mid 30s and still single. It appears they've never moved past the ME monster. I was reading further on the baby center discussion and he says Sean is by far the nicest of all the 12 they've matched. I'd likely disagree. I'd say Doug is probably the most likable of all the men they've put on the show. Says a lot for them when the experts are surprised at our reactions. They can't believe people are put off by Sean. Um he's a weirdo

 

 I can't help but think of Jack Nicholson in "The Shining" when I think of Sean.  Jack Nicholson plays a really good creepster like that.  I felt the comparison right away.  One day he'll go beserk -  It's the pent up rage.  The experts are surprised at our reactions - They should never underestimate a bunch of women and their intuition.  Cliché, perhaps, but sometimes it's dead on the money!  That said, Mr. Snarklepuss had the same intuition about Sean, so I know it's not exclusive to women.

[SaucyMommy]

Our GUTS and instincts are never wrong. It's how we protect our young. Dr. C is missing a vital piece of anatomy :)

[MsPH]

I find it interesting that Dr C. said Sean hasn't watched a single episode of either season and doesn't plan to. I wonder if that's true or if it's just his excuse for not being able to discuss anything negative that's shown. It also makes me think he's not with Davina anymore, since you'd think he would want to watch their love story if there was one.

[Gigi43]

In general i dont believe people who go on existing reality shows but claim they never watched prior, but in this case didn't Sean SAY in the first episode he decided to go on the show after seeing it work for Doug, who he knows? Or did I take it too literally and maybe he meant he heard about Doug?

Oh boy... The reasoning for Ryan D/Jessica... Does Dr. C also support women getting pregnant in hopes that will "calm down" their significant other?

[MsPH]

I think Dr C. loves Sean, because Sean reminds him of himself, and he clearly loves himself. If he didn't have such a high opinion of himself and his skills, he wouldn't be writing condescending essays on some random baby board.

[SummerRain]

Re: Dr. C -- What about actually meeting with real people in real life?  Big deal if you've been published in a bunch of gossip rags.

Edited April 10, 2015 by SummerRain

[shopper73]

Dr C stated that Ryan D struggles with those parts of himself that needs work.......no he doesn't!! His mantra is, "this is me, deal with it!"

He has no intention of modifying his behavior. I don't think he respects Jessica at all, either, for a number of reasons. It would have been interesting to see him matched with Jaclyn and see her put him in his place!

I didn't see his Italian step-father at the wedding. Anger issues?

It seems to me that when Jessica communicated more"freely and directly"with Ryan he really blew up at the restaurant. I don't think her feelings would be as hurt if she hadn't slept with him already.

[MsPH]

What makes these experts experts? do they all have significant others? have they been succesful in finding partners? while they talk about their educational qualifications, there is no mention of their personal lives. so what makes them expert in finding love really?

 

I did some research, since I've been wondering about this as well.

 

According to her website, Dr. Logan Levkoff has a husband and two kids. According to LinkedIn Greg Epstein was also married last June to his wife Jackie. So those two are alright.

 

Dr. Pepper, on the other hand, has been married at least twice. 23 years the second time, but she ended up single again in her 50's and wrote an erotic memoir called Prime. Here's a review, if you want to be disturbed: http://www.seattlepi.com/ae/books/article/UW-sexologist-Pepper-Schwartz-bares-her-1244137.php#page-1

 

Dr. C is gay I believe. No idea of his relationship status.

[Neurochick]

Our GUTS and instincts are never wrong. It's how we protect our young. Dr. C is missing a vital piece of anatomy :)

 

Are you saying that the experts should all be women, or all be mothers?  So a person who's child-free can't be an "expert?"

 

My problem with these experts is I don't know how much of this selection was based on psychological profiling and how much was based on who will look good on TV.  

 

This is a reality show, not a documentary.  A show by its very nature exists to make money for the network, the sponsors, etc.  How do we know that these were the best matches for everybody?  Maybe there were people who'd be better matches for any one of the six people, but they didn't look good enough for TV.

[SaucyMommy]

My Comment was tongue and cheek. :) I don't expect them all to be women. I was just saying as women we have good gut instincts :) and Dr. C has a partner he's been with for 10 years.

[Mandatory Ed]

FWIW, I'm also a clinical psychologist and can tell you that Dr. C graduated from a notorious diploma-mill.

[Snarklepuss]

Mandatory Ed, Where did he get his degree?

[SaucyMommy]

Did any of you look at his Bio? It doesn't even list the school he got his degrees at.  

[Mandatory Ed]

Mandatory Ed, Where did he get his degree?

According to his website, Argosy University in Chicago. They have a terrible reputation, and are known for charging an enormous amount of money while churning out huge numbers of really bad "psychologists."

[Jack Sampson]

Mandatory Ed, Where did he get his degree?

Psychology Today says Boston University.

[SaucyMommy]

Ok Found it. He graduated from Argosy University.  Which is not a diploma mill.  They are adult learning. :)

 

http://www.doctor.com/-Joseph_Cilona

 

Argosy has APA Accreditation which allows them to provide a licensing track. Working in Higher Education this is no easy task for a school to receive. Reputation of schools is subjective as some academics are progressive and others are more traditional. 

Edited April 10, 2015 by SaucyMommy

[Snarklepuss]

I just saw on Dr. Oz's site that Dr. C has an additional degree in "Medical Science" from Boston University.  Whatever, I have no faith in his ability to read people and understand their motivations.  No offense to Clinical Psychology but it tends to attempt to quantify people a bit too much for my taste and attracts "clinicians" who are more of a scientific bent than they are of understanding the more irrational sides of human beings.  Which is one reason I studied Counseling Psych.  I was more interested in people as people, not people as objects of study.  Usually people defy being quantified and forced into "metrics".  Scientists put more trust in "instruments" than they do in good ol' intuition, but when it comes to people the instruments fall short and intuition into human motivations is a talent you can't buy or learn.  You are either born with it or you're not, and I don't think he was born with it.