S11.E03 You're Not The Queen Of The Group

[hoodooznoodooz]

4 hours ago, goofygirl said:

However, I don't KNOW that Sandoval actually CONSIDERED doing himself in and it's only my opinion but I'm not sure this wasn't his ridiculous way of deflecting pressure from his peeps.  Remember, he said earlier that the reason he didn't just go about this by breaking up with Arianna FIRST and then screwing Rachel's brains out, was that "Arianna said she'd KILL herself if we broke up"....

This feels like he doesn't MIND just throwing that out there to see if it sticks. Also, Sandoval seems to me waaaaayyy too much of a narcissist to actually take himself out.

I completely understand LVP's reaction to his statement, however. I feel the same way. Probably everyone who goes to sleep every night wondering "WHY??" does.

And @heatherchandler, I'm so sorry you lost your friend. God Bless you.

Thank you for your post. 

Based on everything I’ve seen of Sandoval, all of the behavior on stage, touring, “singing” about how Rachel is hot for him, the outfits, the photos with many different women, and trusting my gut, I do not believe Sandoval had these dark thoughts. The way he spoke about Ariana’s depression and how she would kill herself? Unforgivable. He also tried to persuade Rachel to leave the mental health center. 

[ivygirl]

Emo: Had roots in punk, started to really emerge in the 90s with bands like Sunny Day Real Estate, but became more of a "thing" in the late 90s/early 2000s with My Chemical Romance, Taking Back Sunday, Panic! At the Disco, Fall Out Boy, etc. I can definitely see Katie into this music as a teen. 
 

Anyhoo... 

Schwartz. It was a bad call to use him as the "unifier," but I guess that's what we got. Sandoval refuses to do the one thing that would ACTUALLY make some headway with the group: admit what he did was wrong, apologize profusely, promise to (and actually) change, and make amends. I don't know what his "status" is like with the whole group as of now, but at this point in time, none of them are having it, and no amount of Schwartz Schwartzing will move them. ESPECIALLY because Schwartz was complicit...despite his protestations to the contrary.

 PS I don't know if "boards on boards" is still a thing here, but I wanted to express appreciation for the levelheadedness here!

[Maurina]

19 hours ago, Lassus said:

Personally, I do feel there is a difference between thinking about suicide in and actually being suicidal?  Maybe that's a crappy parsing or way of putting it, the former being more like "what would happen, and what would people do if I did it" vs. "I wonder if this is a thing I should do."  And again, while I imagine him being the former, he could also have been thinking the latter even if briefly.

To be 1000% clear I have no history with suicide or having dealt with it even close to me.  I don't want to be speaking out of turn in complete ignorance, it's just what I was thinking as I watched that scene.

I understand that it's, well, hard to understand.  I do speak from experience, though, and I can tell you that there is a reason that therapist, doctors, teachers are trained to ALWAYS take any talk of suicide seriously.  It often starts with thoughts only, even thoughts that the individual dismisses quickly.  Then it can escalate.  The thoughts can become intrusive, popping into your head without warning.  They start to poison all your thoughts and your judgment. Then you start thinking seriously that it's a good option, maybe the only one.

Then you start make a plan in your head - how will I do this, how can I make it look like an accident, etc.  That's the most dangerous time, IMHO.  Once you start thinking about it in terms of HOW, things can tip in one of two directions.  You either follow through with the plan or someone/something intervenes to help you back off the edge.

I agree with Lisa, always always take it seriously when someone says they're having 'dark thoughts' or mention suicide in any way. It's not an over-reaction.  You never really know what is going on in someone's head, not really, not even if that person is a narcissistic douchebag like Sandoval.

I've lost 2 people.  I've been suicidal myself and was very, very lucky that I had people in my life who took it seriously - I'm still here.  And right now, the most narcissistic man in my life (ex-husband) has been in intensive treatment for weeks after a year-long slide into depression which devolved into 'dark thoughts'.

Bottom line, I get looking at someone like Sandoval and wondering if he's being serious or just blustering or just having a random thought he didn't really mean, that isn't really dangerous.  But the reality is DON'T ASSUME, take it seriously and if possible get a professional involved, because like Lisa said, if you don't you may find that suddenly, it's too late.

[princelina]

I have decided that the problem with this show and why it needs to end is that they are not a group of friends anymore.  When they were young and stupid and all living and working together it made sense for them to try to work out their differences, but now it makes as much sense as these silly Housewives "friend groups".  Schwartz and Sandy were very good friends and will probably stay that way since I think they do love each other and have the business, etc.  There's no reason in real life that they should ever have to hang out with Katie and Ariana, who certainly don't need to hang out with those tools. Ariana has a new boyfriend and broadway show - she could be trying out living in NY!  Katie's probably still better friends with girls who are not allowed on the show.  Sandy has his band, and they probably are who he hangs out with and therefore may have been his real friends at his party, but no tv audience is interested in those people.  James has his DJ career and new house and girlfriend - what does he care about all of these 40 year olds?  Scheana always has whatever she's hustling, and maybe could stay friends with "Lala" if they bought neighboring houses in Palm Springs and the little girls play together, but that's it.  For them all to be getting together at Sur, with Lisa trying to reconcile "the group" - there's nothing to reconcile.  They have grown up and moved on, which is normal.  Let it go.  Bring everyone back in 10-15 years for a "where are they now?" 😄

[geej]

yeaaaa... the let down is real.

[ZettaK]

6 hours ago, princelina said:

I have decided that the problem with this show and why it needs to end is that they are not a group of friends anymore.  When they were young and stupid and all living and working together it made sense for them to try to work out their differences, but now it makes as much sense as these silly Housewives "friend groups".  Schwartz and Sandy were very good friends and will probably stay that way since I think they do love each other and have the business, etc.  There's no reason in real life that they should ever have to hang out with Katie and Ariana, who certainly don't need to hang out with those tools. Ariana has a new boyfriend and broadway show - she could be trying out living in NY!  Katie's probably still better friends with girls who are not allowed on the show.  Sandy has his band, and they probably are who he hangs out with and therefore may have been his real friends at his party, but no tv audience is interested in those people.  James has his DJ career and new house and girlfriend - what does he care about all of these 40 year olds?  Scheana always has whatever she's hustling, and maybe could stay friends with "Lala" if they bought neighboring houses in Palm Springs and the little girls play together, but that's it.  For them all to be getting together at Sur, with Lisa trying to reconcile "the group" - there's nothing to reconcile.  They have grown up and moved on, which is normal.  Let it go.  Bring everyone back in 10-15 years for a "where are they now?" 😄

Exactly. The Sur meeting (and the one at Pump before) of all cast members was forced for a storyline. These people don't live near the restaurant/bars, near each other, and they are not friends except for Ariana and Katie, and the two Toms. 

Edited February 16 by ZettaK

[princelina]

4 hours ago, ZettaK said:

Exactly. The Sur meeting (and the one at Pump before) of all cast members was forced for a storyline. These people don't live near the restaurant/bars, near each other, and they are not friends except for Ariana and Katie, and the two Toms. 

And I'd still comfortably bet at least $100 that when this show folds we will never see another "sandwich by her" or whatever they're called 😂

Edited February 16 by princelina

[Chatty Cake]

When is this Ariana going to stop acting like a victim? Her boyfriend cheated. Instead of moving on, she’s staying in the house to spite him, pays nothing and is a mopey pain in the ass. If she really is dating the new guy, he needs to put his foot down and stop indulging her. How dare she try to insist that nobody else talk to Schwartz. He’s right, she’s not the queen of the group. He has as much right to hang out as she does. Schwartz needs to tell her off and quit apologizing to the miserable witch.

[princelina]

5 hours ago, Chatty Cake said:

When is this Ariana going to stop acting like a victim? Her boyfriend cheated. Instead of moving on, she’s staying in the house to spite him, pays nothing and is a mopey pain in the ass. If she really is dating the new guy, he needs to put his foot down and stop indulging her. How dare she try to insist that nobody else talk to Schwartz. He’s right, she’s not the queen of the group. He has as much right to hang out as she does. Schwartz needs to tell her off and quit apologizing to the miserable witch.

And this goes back to what I was saying about this show not working anymore.  It was okay for "Lala" to say you have to choose between her and Rand, because he was off the show, and it gave her and Schwartz something to fight about on the show.  In real life Ariana could say if you stay friends with him, you will lose me - and Schwartz would say "See ya!"  So we all know who hates whom and would never see each other again, but they're willing to do it for Bravo Bucks whilst we sit here and wonder what we are watching 😂. And that, IMO, is why Ariana needs to stop acting this way - because she's going to look like an idiot when she can't enforce what she's saying that is supposedly so important to her!

[Carolina Girl]

Even the title is passé.  
It isn’t about Vanderpump’s Rules anymore.  
Since from all indications the Toms no longer have any partnership in TomTom, the only vestige of any relationship with her is James doing a DJ gig there on Tuesdays and I imagine that is only during filming season.  
Stick a fork in it.  It’s done.   I will predict the ratings are in the toilet by season’s end.  

[heatherchandler]

On 2/15/2024 at 8:30 AM, Maurina said:

I understand that it's, well, hard to understand.  I do speak from experience, though, and I can tell you that there is a reason that therapist, doctors, teachers are trained to ALWAYS take any talk of suicide seriously.  It often starts with thoughts only, even thoughts that the individual dismisses quickly.  Then it can escalate.  The thoughts can become intrusive, popping into your head without warning.  They start to poison all your thoughts and your judgment. Then you start thinking seriously that it's a good option, maybe the only one.

Then you start make a plan in your head - how will I do this, how can I make it look like an accident, etc.  That's the most dangerous time, IMHO.  Once you start thinking about it in terms of HOW, things can tip in one of two directions.  You either follow through with the plan or someone/something intervenes to help you back off the edge.

I agree with Lisa, always always take it seriously when someone says they're having 'dark thoughts' or mention suicide in any way. It's not an over-reaction.  You never really know what is going on in someone's head, not really, not even if that person is a narcissistic douchebag like Sandoval.

I've lost 2 people.  I've been suicidal myself and was very, very lucky that I had people in my life who took it seriously - I'm still here.  And right now, the most narcissistic man in my life (ex-husband) has been in intensive treatment for weeks after a year-long slide into depression which devolved into 'dark thoughts'.

Bottom line, I get looking at someone like Sandoval and wondering if he's being serious or just blustering or just having a random thought he didn't really mean, that isn't really dangerous.  But the reality is DON'T ASSUME, take it seriously and if possible get a professional involved, because like Lisa said, if you don't you may find that suddenly, it's too late.

Thank you!  You said this so well.

 

 

On 2/18/2024 at 4:44 PM, princelina said:

And that, IMO, is why Ariana needs to stop acting this way - because she's going to look like an idiot when she can't enforce what she's saying that is supposedly so important to her!

She absolutely looks like an idiot, she was bluffing.  Is she not going to talk to Scheana, Schwartz, Lala?  She is not very smart, it turns out.