honeywest

Marge: "Homer, is this the way you pictured married life?" Homer: "Pretty much, except we'd go around in a van, solving mysteries."

Homer: "Marge, if you were married to Da Vinci, you wouldn't tell him how to Da Vinch."

Leticia Hubert, the Human Zamboni. (Even she called herself that.) I watched those Olympics with my mother, and I remember she said, "Oh, turn off the TV. Put that poor girl out of her misery."

Patrick Chan gold, by one point over Boyang Jin. Han Yan bronze. Jin's technical score was 30 points higher than his presentation score.

I hope Papadakis and Cizeron clean Virtue and Moir's clock. Special snowflakes indeed. Tara Lipinski had the nerve to criticize Satoko Miyahara for her small jumps.

Mirai won silver (Miyahara gold, Rika Hongo bronze). Gracie Gold pulled up to fifth. Sui and Han won gold, Scimeca and Knierim silver, Yu and Jin bronze. Duhamel and Radford withdrew after the short; don't know why.

This year there are actually five continents participating--North America, Asia, Oceania, and one competitor each from South America (Denis Margalik of Argentina) and Africa (Michaela du Toit of South Africa).

They won by nearly seven points over Chock and Bates (who pulled up to second) and nearly eight over Weaver and Poje (down to third)--and that was with a one-point deduction for an extended lift! Boyang Jin is in first after the short, nearly six points ahead of Shoma Uno and nearly nine ahead of Han Yan. Grant Hochstein is in sixth, Max Aaron in eighth, Ross Miner seventeenth. The Shibs won!

As always, the judges think "old" is the worst possible insult--worse than Emily's mess.

Mirai is in third, Gracie is in ninth, and Michael Weiss and the Universal guy are uncomfortable. (Frank Carroll is thinking, "I used to coach Michelle Kwan.")

The Shibutanis are in first place after the short dance at Four Continents--ahead of Weaver and Poje. Chock and Bates are in fourth--behind Hubbell and Donohue. Mirai Nagasu is in third (behind Miyahara and Murakami). I am thrilled.

NBC is showing the U.S. gala now. Nathan injured himself on the first jump.

Let everybody--Nathan, Jason, Josh Farris--heal properly and come back strong next season. I love Fernandez, who won his fourth consecutive Europeans today, but he was ridiculously overmarked (over 300 points). Bychenko for silver? Not a sentence I'd usually write, but--Amodio was robbed.

Javier Fernandez is in first after the short at Europeans, more than fourteen points ahead of Maxim Kovtun in second, followed by Michal Brezina, Alexei Bychenko, and Daniel Samohin. Russian ladies--Eugenia Medvedeva, Elena Radionova, and Anna Pogorilaya--have the top three spots after the short. For the first time, Europeans (in Bratislava this year) has a mascot. I don't know what it's supposed to be or how it relates to skating--it looks a little like a chess pawn, but with a face like Coraline's--but when the camera focuses on those empty black eyes, it's creepy as hell.

Always glad to see Rosamund, but she needs a new hairdresser.

USFSA is telling Mirai not to let the doorknob hit her.

I've never seen Vincent before, but he impressed me. And I'd love to see Nathan on the podium.

I used to love "Nessun Dorma." No more. No more "Phantom" or "Les Miserables," please.

Bates's bitch face was even bitchier than Chock's.

The Shibutanis won! The Shibutanis won! Assuming Ashley Wagner doesn't pull herself together tonight, we'll have all new U.S. champions this season. New Yorkers: Cozi-TV (1245 on Time Warner Cable) is carrying Nationals. Channel 4 is informing us that it's snowing.

I don't think reluctance to hurt David's feelings is Ashley's biggest obstacle. Stop giggling, Vanessa.

Artie Ziff: "You can't spell 'party' without 'Artie'--unless you misspell 'party' . . . or 'Artie.' " Marge: "I'll get used to your snoring, the same way I got used to saying Courteney Cox Arquette."

Krusty: "Oh, why do clown things always happen to clowns?"

Daughter: "It's got mouse poop on it!" Judy: "I know. Everything does."

Bart: "I've learned that even made-up corporate shills can lie to you." Homer: "Did you hear that, Foxy the Fox Network Fox?"