Lethallyfab

I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a bigger disconnect between the alleged sexiness and charisma of a character and what actually comes off on-screen! Repeat after me: Junior! Is! Not! Sexy! I DO not need to see him wearing a sheer nipples-bearing shirt from Prince’s cast-offs in the morning after a threesome. Like, I don’t know, *maybe* the writing team thinks that Junior going from the biggest fucking dweeb on ‘Blackish’ to this total fucking sex-god in ‘Grownish’ is “character growth,” but the writers aren’t good enough to make it work. I hate everything about this.

I need someone to explain to me how and why for an ostensible writing challenge, we never ever heard any excerpts from the *actual writing* just heard talk *about* said stories without ever *actually hearing* portions of the stories themselves? Like, that is a very interesting editorial choice. As Tatianna would say, “choices.” (Was the writing just bad across the board? Why hide it!?) I don’t know how Q has such strong looks on the runway and showed up in that outfit for the book cover. I could see it on a throwback queen like, say, Plasma, but even she would have been clocked for not dragging it up a little. It was a deserved elimination for that heinous look alone, IMO. I may stand alone in this but I am not a fan of the lip-sync La-La-Pa-Ru-Sa format. There was plenty of drama this season so they could have enough material to do an actual reunion. And if, as pointed out, runner-ups get nothing, it would be irksome to me if an eliminated queen got a cash prize and I didn’t. I don’t think she has a genuine shot at a win, but Plane Jane is going to be a meme queen for a while and I’m okay with that - I am *dying* at all the corporate drag jokes at her expense on Twitter.

Plasma’s Patti LuPone was extremely subdued, something which Patti is decidedly NOT — she’s known for her shit-talking about folks (Madonna, Andrew Lloyd Webber) and her fiery temper (yelling at audience members for being on their cell phones.). For a so-called expert on “grande dames,” she completely missed the mark. I’m in no way a theatre queen and even *I* know Patti’s personality.

Fun fact (or, really, apocryphal “fact” since I have no actual sources) — apparently the switch to HD threw TV makeup artists for a complete loop and they had to totally change the way they do make-up - being painted on versus being airbrushed on. I will say that AJLT looks, both lighting-wise and cinematography-wise, very much like a “digital” “flat-lighting” HD show - which, it’s fine, a lot of digital shows do but I also often say that “HD is no actress’s friend.” Not to get too Christopher Nolan but I’m watching the OG series and there is a visible difference between the warmth and grain of film and the digital look. DoP John Thomas has the most credits for cinematography for the OG series and also helmed both movies, so, weird not to hire him again unless they wanted to drastically change the look of the show.

I’ve been rewatching the first two seasons and just finds it funny how now we’re supposed to praise Charlotte for being such a good dog mom to Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton when she GAVE UP Henry, the first dog she had in the show, to Susan Sharon, because it was being too yippy/annoying? Also, I know that a lot of us complained about them at the time but it is *remarkable* how essential Carrie’s voice-overs are to provide an overarching plot/theme/structure to the episodes. AJLT always seems to being going in a dozen different directions, with a dozen different characters, and I feel like SATC handled the very structure of each episode better. If SATC were a drama, it would get praised for how well it balanced on-going plotlines with episodes-of-the-week plotlines. Now it feels like everyone is spinning multiple plates in the air, some of them crashing to the floor (cough, cough, Che and Miranda, cough) and then pretending like the plates have never been broken and picking them up again to spin them again. Also: sorry, but SJP and Noth have the best chemistry of any of her love interests. He may be a jerk but their lovey banter (and even their fights!) seems completely off-the-cuff and natural, which is what you want in a rom-com, right? I suppose one could make a *technical* argument against any of the guys the ladies ended up with in the series finale but I think all of the pairings (Sam/Smith, Carrie/Big, Char/Harry, Miranda/Steve) made sense because the pairings had such chemistry between the actors.

My favorite part of that MPK interview besides saying that people who hated Che just don’t like stand-ups (no, we just don’t like unfunny ones) is that the moment people “turned on” Che is when finger-banged Miranda in Carrie’s apartment. Because they…should? You expect people to be okay with Miranda acting totally out-of-character and prioritizing getting finger-banged over caring for her close friend? I don’t get how you would write that scene and think it skews in Che’s favor. Oh, wait, they’re so “edgy” and “real” and “honest” that it’s okay to get your groove on no less than 100 feet from where your girlfriend’s friend is recuperating from a major surgery.

Cast Hamm and they could do a great callback to Slattery and mention that she had an ex who wanted a golden shower. Or to when Samantha was seeing “Mr Too Big.”

Waiting for MPK and SJP to give an interview to the press about how Carrie finally removed her bra after six seasons and two movies because she and Aidan are totally in WUV and he is completely breaking down her inhibitions. Except, no. You can try to sell me on this all you want, show, but they are not endgame. Certainly not a “wait five years” endgame. Which, I am *begging* this show not to do a flash-forward time-jump. It was cool when ‘Alias’ did it and then become subsequently less cool when every other show did it. (Like, why, ‘Desperate Housewives,’ why?) Twitter seems to think that Che is confirmed for season three, which, again, why? They’re no longer with Miranda, I guess Carrie seems to think they’re BFFs now, but, really? This show is like the old Twitter joke about ‘Game of Thrones’ - there’s 140 characters and I have no idea what’s going on. Keep: LTW, Seema, Lisette. Boot: Nya and Che. I still maintain that if the show really wanted to thrive they should’ve switched things up and had the new cast be the new cast with the SATC cast making cameos and guest appearances. I think focusing on so many characters has really hurt the writing. The original show did an excellent job of giving an over-arching theme and individual stories to each of the four gals each week, but I think it’s impossible to try to pull that same trick with double the amount of characters.

You are not a freaking war widow, Carrie, you do not have to wait five years for your man to return from the front. He’s not at war, he’s in Virginia, for Christ’s Sake. If any one of your friends proposed waiting *five years* for a man, they’d be deemed insane. as a gay man, I am pissed as to how they handled the Anthony/Giuseppe storyline. Letting down your emotional barriers because your ex is now a Shinto monk or whatever doesn’t mean you should let down your physical boundaries. Giuseppe is a terrible lay if he couldn’t pick up on Anthony’s physical discomfort which was exceedingly obvious to the audience. I did wonder if the placement of the Boy Butter lube was actually product placement. also, please warn me in advance if my RSVP to your dinner party includes “fun” emotional games. Because I don’t care if there’s a Michelin Starred chef, I am not coming. (Also, you are so hard up for friends that you invite annoying Jackie?). This is not ‘Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf,’ I did NOT consent to an evening of fun and games with George and Martha. All I thought with Che and Lisette’s interaction was Demi’s “get a job, stay away from her:”

I will say, seeing one of the movies (I can’t remember if it was the first or second) at a midnight show where everyone had obviously gotten tipsy beforehand made it one of the more enjoyable times I’ve had at at a movie theater. Miranda should’ve pulled a Kathy and told Che “you can’t write about this.” I get that every “artiste” draws on their personal life but this seems out of bounds. Nothing that Che said was untrue, mind you, we’ve been taking Miranda to task for it this entire time, but it was just unrelenting meanness substituted for actual jokes. Has Che ever made an actually funny joke on this show? Weird that the writers can come up with endless jokes for Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda and Samantha and yet totally fail when tasked with jokes for the actual comedian. Speaking of Che, it is *obscene* that Carrie wants Miranda and Che to play nice for the dinner. Carrie, you were *there* for Miranda at her mothers funeral. You were *there* for her when she considered abortion. You were *there* for her at the actual birth of her child. But, you know, you made a cool work friend that you now think is actually cool, so let’s just toss this aside?!? Much like Carrie, I have never been to Coney Island before, but hot dogs and clams? And beer? That’s a fraternity hazing ritual, not a business venture, Steve. Like, all at the same time? I get hot dogs *or* clams, but both? Together?

Was she drinking? I missed that. Can you fill us in? I don't have the bandwidth to rewatch. I think I may have worded that confusingly — Carrie is the one day-drinking 3 times a week (beers with Steve, cosmos with Anthony, brunch), which, yeah, is apparently only an issue when Miranda does it, Carrie gets a free pass. I am so tired of women on TV having super-convenient miscarriages. The writers love to introduce a pregnancy for the MAXIMUM DRAMA of it all but when it comes to the repercussions of having an actual kid to influence the plot, it’s just magically hand-waved away.

If I were the acting coach who taught John Corbett to fake cry, I would simply ask for 100% of my money back. Does Carrie need to call Miranda’s sponsor? Day-drinking 3 days a week? Did Miranda learn nothing from her previous comedy experience where her date’s *wife* called his cell and the comic heckled her mercilessly for it? Bonus points for flashbacking to show that Che has always been and will always be a hack comic. At least Carrie now has a cute kitten to comfort her when the inevitable break-up with Aidan happens next episode. I also didn’t need Aidan telling Carrie that he was the problem all along. No, *she* accepted that proposal. *She* should’ve turned it down if she wasn’t ready for it. An engagement is not the same as a marriage, if you’re unprepared for the latter, you shouldn’t say yes to the former.

Enid paid Carrie $4 a WORD at Vogue (that’s is $6.72 in today’s money! Freelancers would kill for it!). Enid truly deserved that money.

You can bribe me with all the cute kittens you want, show, but I am still not going to like Che. I am absolutely sure that they’re working on their set for their next “comedy concert” talking about how they’re now even more an expert on handling pussy. This show has far too many characters and it shows. True to her type A form, when Charlotte converted to Judaism for Harry, she *really* converted for Harry, cooking her first Shabbos (Shabbat?!) dinner for him and absolutely losing it when he couldn’t stop watching the Mets game on TV: “pick a date! Pick a date!” “I gave up *Christ* for you and you can’t even give up the Mets?” Davis was absolutely incredible in that scene and I still remember those line readings. Aidan gets a minus 40-pounds, extensive West Egg money, with a couture jacket that was CINCHED and SNATCHED for the gods glow-up, and we have to see him in the same unflattering tighty-whities 20 years later? Baby, as Beyoncé once said, “let me upgrade you.” Carrie even *considering* giving up the apartment that she SOLD CHARLOTTE’S RING to make a payment on to buy it out from Aidan, to buy an apartment to better accommodate Aidan’s kids which she has met *literally once*:

Leading to one of the worst lines in the original series, “sounds like you better take some Bufferin to Suffern.”

It would have been hilarious if Carrie and Aidan’s whirlwind hotel tour took her from the same swanky to dive hotels that she cheated with Big in. Carrie absolutely enjoys having rich boyfriends, ostensibly she doesn’t need them anymore since inheriting Big’s wealth but the way she was drooling when telling the gals about Aidan’s lucrative West Elm deal… Literally LOLs on my part when they suggested that Carrie would actually care about Aidan’s kids. The series emphasized *multiple times* how much Carrie didn’t want kids. You are Brady’s literal godmother, why don’t you check on how that hell-child is doing and take the opportunity to set him straight. That was a lot of screentime and effort on the show’s part to get Charlotte into an extremely ugly outfit. It was like the Pink Ladies from Grease meets Rizzo from Grease meets fug city. Also, seriously, you are starting a new job for the first time in years and the impression you want to make is peek-a-boo lace for your boobs? It’s called being professional, Charlotte, not world’s oldest professional.

“Yes, Carrie, I’m totally in town for business. Important carpentry business, just the best of the best of the furniture business discussing important furniture business at the important totally real conference that is actually happening…” Also, let me present this possibility — maybe Aidan, in fact, *never* booked a hotel room in the city because he thought sleeping with Carrie and staying over at her place was a foregone conclusion.

They don’t exactly have the best track record for inventing new characters at the moment — Che is Che, Nya is a strong sexy independent woman who is reduced to making soufflé (sorry, that’s her choice and I have to find it empowering rather than boring, I guess.), LTW is starring in her own spin-off/back-door pilot, Seema is Sassy with a Capital S but can’t quite seem to merit having actual depth. Vulture asks the tough questions - like what the actual hell was going on with Aidan’s jacket. The man was cinched as if he was a co-founder in Kim Kardashian’s shapewear line Skims. He was cinched as if he was a queen entering the workroom for the first time on ‘RuPaul’s Drag Race.’ He was cinched harder than Scarlett O’Hara. Was his thought process: “oh, Carrie loves fashion, I have to wear something edgy, also please let it show off my figure, in case ‘joking’ about how I’ve lost forty pounds a dozen times doesn’t make it clear! Please my beloved Carrie, I am now longer chubby and complacent, let me supplicate myself for your love!” Honestly? Probably.

“Me-vening?” “Don’t nap-shame me?” This show remains steadfastly determined to make “fetch” happen.

Even if, somehow, Carrie thinks that condoms are only useful for preventing pregnancy (which, lol, okay, wut?) — shouldn’t Miranda’s cautionary tale make her *more* inclined to use a condom rather than less?!? Her best friend got pregnant at 30-something with a lazy ovary and a man with one ball! It might be statistically unlikely but it still could happen to you, Carrie. The series was always bad about ret-conning its love interests into “dirtbags” once they no longer served their purpose. See: Petrovsky slapping Carrie — albeit completely by accident — just so Big could be made to be the “bigger” man. (I hate myself for that pun but you know Carrie herself would use it.). Aidan’s crimes were, what, exactly, having Carrie accept his proposal and then actually *daring* her to set a timeline for the engagement and marriage!? Buying the apartment as an investment in their future together and then not magically signing it over to her after they broke up out of the goodness of his heart? Dirtbag behavior is accepting a man’s proposal and not even being able to wear his ring on your finger and inventing some bullshit excuse as to why you’re wearing it as an necklace (“it’s closer to my heart”) rather than admitting you don’t actually want to be married and declining said proposal. Ohhh, Aidan’s terrible because he’s jealous of Big? He SHOULD be jealous of Big! Did Carrie ever make any real good faith effort to stop seeing Big - no, she *cheated* on Aidan with Big and then tried to FORCE them to be friends at Aidan’s cabin, where Carrie invited Big to without running it by Aidan first. (again, I ask you, who the dirtbag here actually is!) If you asked me to befriend the man you cheated on me repeatedly with, I would laugh you out of the fucking room. Again, Carrie is the true dirtbag here. As the saying goes, run into one asshole in your day, they’re the asshole. Run into assholes all day, you’re probably the asshole.

Why didn’t Carrie ask Seema to Widow-Con (or ‘Widows: Based on The Novel Push by Sapphire’ or whatever the convoluted actual title is) since they’re such Hampton House Besties? I mean, I *know* why they’re not inviting Charlotte and Miranda (so…much…messiness in those families right now) but odd that they didn’t merit a perfunctory mention. My fun new favorite speculative plotline that didn’t happen -probably because it would give Aidan a plotline that isn’t “oh, Carrie, you are my long lost true love! Every single moment without you has been agony!” — what if Aidan had to come to New York as co-owner (or “silent partner”) of Steve’s bar to do an asset evaluation while Steve and Miranda are dividing up their assets, *then* he has to run into Carrie.

Speaking of condoms, the sexually active Carrie apparently doesn’t use them? She acted as if it would be totally gauche to use them and was mortally offended that Charlotte brought up the possibility of STIs. Again, Carrie Bradshaw, the sex columnist turned sex podcaster somehow believes she is “above” using condoms. You can still get herpes at 50, Carrie.

There was also an episode where she dated a doctor who used Viagra strictly for recreational purposes and then she tried it and became addicted to it, to the point where he just wrote her a prescription for it so she would stop going nuts. Paywall, so…, but if Che is *supposed* to be annoying, then the writers are succeeding admirably. This is like a reverse ‘Breaking Bad’ - audience: oh, Walter is so cool - Writers: okay, but he’s literally a monster — no, but he’s such a bad-ass - again, literally a monster. Writers: Che is so bad-ass! Audience: Literally no. Writers: they’re so edgy! They push the envelope so much. Audience: I literally have butter knives in my cutlery drawer that are sharper than Che’s “wit.”

I feel like the writers (and, in this case, episode director Cynthia Nixon) maybe think they’re humanizing Miranda — she still totally cares about Steve and Brady! She makes pancakes! She totally didn’t abandon her family at all! Except you totally gave Steve a speech about how you were unhappy in the marriage and needed “more.” You totally left to spend MONTHS with Che in LA. You did, in fact, leave your family. Coming back and putting on a happy face to make pancakes and spending awkward therapy sessions not admitting the truth doesn’t change the truth. Once you take Old Yeller behind the shed to put him down, you can’t undo it. Unless, hear me out, you’re still clinging to Steve because you’re having…second thoughts about Che? Any of the men in this show would be absolutely vilified if they left their wife for somebody younger and pleaded “i just needed MORE in our relationship!”

I can get what Carrie sees in Bike Guy, but I don’t get what he sees in her. Besides Stockholm Syndrome.