shockermolar

Jessica is just ugh. She baby talked in the pods and it was cringey. Her voice pitches up, she semi-whispers, and she drops her hard consonants. There's a recurring SNL skit that mocks dating shows and she sounds EXACTLY like Kate McKinnon making fun of woman who do the thing she's doing. And she is a toxic drunk. I'm sure with all that booze everyone got drunk at some point, but she was clearly tanked a couple of times in the pod, the time she basically stalked Amber all around the living room to tell her how horrible Barnett is, and then with Mark in the hotel room. Oh, and the "babe" thing with Mark after she got dumped by Barnett. Good lord, could she not remember his name or something? She also, and I say this as woman closer to 50 than I am to 45, has some age spots on her face that the concealer is NOT covering up. All in all she is just icky and I want Mark to run away so he's not the dumpee cause this pair is not gonna work out at all.

big jaws is how they roll in Toledo. Ohio, not Spain.

Why is she so worried about time? Is she dying? Is Costa Rican thong diving, hypothetical soap making, shed cabinetry and marrying a South African ginger just all the things she needs to check off her bucket list?

Mama prattles on at length in a language Lumberjack Mike does NOT understand and he says “ok.” I die.

Yoko Jas is breaking up the band!!!

What are those marks all over her chest?

the pit sniffing is just. Ugh.

Why is he still so happy to see her after she was such a bitch to him?

Ok. So she has to live with his folks but he has to sleep somewhere else because god forbid this couple with nothing in common and absolutely zero chemistry might bump genitals under the moms roof, BUT also her sister who lives 10 minutes away is back in town. So why is she living with his family again?

This car scene is legit the most animation I’ve seen on her face ever.

What is happening. Is the gig robbing a bank?

Maybe it’s not ABOUT you Ana. Maybe your bees were a disappointment.

Well, she thinks it was a cult. So shocking that he “suddenly” changed. 🙄

So...texting when you get home is too much a commitment but marriage is still on the table?

Even the sister is like “$400?” Cause yeah, no bridal boutique carries a dress that cheap.