ShutUpLutz

That reminds me of one of my favorite stories on how celebrities can be unexpected dicks. Jasmine Guy, who is probably best know for playing snotty snob Whitley on A Different World. She was on a red carpet for something and the "reporter" asked her about some endorsement deal she had gotten and Guy yammered on for a minute with the usual bullshit. then the reporter asked if there was a product Guy wouldn't endorse. Guy got this hateful "Ewwwwwwww GROSS!!!!" Look on her face and said in the most spiteful 8th grade girl voice imaginable, "Douche." Just the way she said it and her facial expression have stayed with me all these years later.

Honestly, the premise was pretty dumb. And Zach's character was WAY, WAY, WAY too close to JD, And not in a good way. And to top it off, they had Zach do a voiceover, because of course they did and again it was just like on Scrubs, except the writing wasn't as good. Now, even though it may look that way I didn't watch the whole series, I saw the premiere, or rather I dipped in and out and after two episodes i was done.

Plain or regular graham crackers are garbage. Now if you cover them with cinnamon, THAT is a different story. I would literally eat an entire box of cinnamon graham crackers when I came home from school growing up. And my dad liked to sprinkle them on ice cream and he'd get the ice cream out, slap it in a bowl then go to the pantry and then, "Hey! Where'd the graham crackers* go?!? Didn't we just get some YESTERDAY?!!" in this mildly outraged/hurt tone. Never caught on that it was me scarfing them down *Yes, yes I know, in our family we referred to cinnamon graham crackers as graham crackers because those were the ONLY kind we ever got.

Thinking back to when I was growing up, it was kind of a big deal for us to go out to eat, usually every Friday night we'd go over to Rockville Mall and go to Roy Rogers and then Howard Johnsons for ice cream. It's not that it was a special occasion or treat or anything like that we just didn't do fast food. And at home, I remember having tuna noodle/chicken casserole/creamed chip beef*/fish fairly often. Other nights we'd have grilled cheese sandwiches and soup as well as burgers and hot dogs. Looking at it now, it's clear that we ate that way to build up and save money. Not that we were poor, we were solidly middle class, it just wasn't like today where you have a flat screen TV in every room and every family member including the dog has a smart/cell phone that each costs $500, not to mention all the other technological bullshit that seems to be must have these days. *I chose to have creamed chip beef on toast one year as my birthday dinner. My brother was not pleased with my choice.

That's interesting. I know over the past year the pledge drive revolved around a program on the 50th anniversary of Sgt. Pepper, which was pretty interesting but you need a fair bit of musical knowledge to really appreciate/like it. But aside from that pledge drives around here, the programming is actual music videos, straight from MTV and stuff like "Remember those pop singers from when you were a teenager in the 1950's and '60s? Well, SOME of them are still around and boy do they need money so we threw together a concert featuring them." I can't believe that ANYONE ever had any interest in hearing or seeing Patti Page sing, "How Much Is That Doggy In The Window?"

My parents eloped and were married by the lady sheriff in Rockville, MD on Valentine's Day. COULD IT GET MORE ROMANTIC? I THINK NOT. Or maybe it could. They wanted to have a wedding but my mom was Catholic and my dad....was NOT. And while they weren't living in Northern Ireland, it was still a time in the United States when marrying outside of your religion was "not done/cause for a freak out/got you written out of the will" in some quarters. My parents went to see Poppa and Mum who were living on Nantucket, (mom's 'rents) and Poppa was not quite ecstatic but really thrilled and was talking about how they could have the wedding in the backyard, which would have been pretty awesome. Except, Mum had a sit down with my dad and said, "Why do you want to marry my daughter?" Well, DUH. But my dad is not nearly as much of a smartass as I am so he said, "Because I care about and love your daughter very, very much and we want to spend the rest of our lives together." Which, let's be honest is simultaneously cliched as hell yet also quite "Awwwwwwww." But it wasn't the answer Mum wanted to hear because she said, "Well, why can't you find one of your own kind (meaning a non-Catholic) and marry her?" And that was that. My parents eloped and as for living happily ever after, well, you get to a certain age and you look back on your parents life and what you've observed and what you've heard and things turn out not at all like you thought. But in case you were wondering, no my mom wasn't written out of the will, in fact Mum apologized to my dad profusely and they had a pretty good relationship.

CANCELLED!!! I don't know if I'd call it another role or project, but Robert Maschio aka "The Todd" is now a realtor.

S'mores are THE WORST. I will brook no truck with that statement. First of all you're out in the woods around a campfire, which means you are surrounded by mosquitos and ticks and poison oak/ivy and bears and mountain lions and NO AIR CONDITIONING and NO RUNNING/HOT WATER. Are you kidding me? Then inevitably your s'mores fall into the fire or the marshmallow starts burning or ends up partially burned and then tastes horrible*, it's always a cluster fuck. And even though you didn't ask, no I didn't enjoy my time in Boy Scouts all that much. What's that, we're gonna march up and down the C&O canal all weekend carrying 40 lb backpacks and camp out on extremely rocky terrain and I don't even get a merit badge out of it? SIGN ME UP!!! *I would say it tastes like ass, but I've never nor do I plan to ever eat anyone's ass so I shan't use that descriptor.

When my parents got married the ONE thing my mom put her foot down about was that she WOULD NOT serve ANY kind of liver for dinner. It wasn't my dad's favorite food or anything, but he did have it on a regular basis growing up. Consequently I've never had it, which judging by it's portrayal on TV shows like Happy Days where it NEARLY DESTROYED THE FONZ!! and descriptions online and in The Cricket In Times Square I'm pretty sure I haven't missed anything. My mom's favorite meal besides raw oysters (NOT A FAN. If I 'm gonna eat boogers, you can be damn sure they're only gonna be my own boogers) was Spanish rice, which was rice mixed with bits of tomato and some beef and other stuff. I'd eat about three bites and then move the rest around the plate. But I have my own weird stuff when it comes to food. I don't like tomatos, but tomato sauce I'm fine with as long as it isn't full of chunks of tomato. same kind of thing with onions, can't stand onions on burgers or onion rings, but onion dip? OH HELL YEAH. The night before the Super Bowl I'll mix up a gargantuan batch, I'm talking 6 or 7 16 ounce tubs of sour cream and Lipton dehydrated onion soup/dip mix and let it cure in the fridge then go to town the next day. NOT a fan of salt&Vinegar flavored potato chips. That...fuck...that sucks. Was it because you had some medical/digestive issue or is it a family thing you'd rather not drag out into the light here?

Off topic again. In my family on your birthday, you could choose whatever you wanted for dinner. Want to go to Chesapeake Bay Seafood House and order 12 shrimp cocktails, like my brother did 3 years in a row? Knock yourself out. My taste in birthday meals was shall we say, NOT quite so highbrow. One year I said I wanted cream chipped beef on toast. My brother WAS NOT PLEASED.

The one flaw, no that's not right, ANNOYANCE that Rachel has is that she takes FOREVER to get to the point. This isn't a once in a while thing, it happens multiple times EVERY WEEK. Couple of problems with it. 1)It's annoying . 2)Did I mention it's annoying as fuck? 3)Her dicking around like this takes up A LOT of show time. The worst example of this was when she got Trump's tax returns and spent OVER 30 MINUTES hyping what turned out to be ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. It was as bad as some of the shit FoxNews pulls.

To get back on topic (Shoots evil look at frenchtoast), was anyone else enraged a couple years ago when literally EVERY SINGLE AD on ESPN/ESPN2/ESPN Whatever/sports games was for DraftKings. It brought back memories during the 1990's when during every ad break during the NCAA basketball tournament was Chevy Trucks featuring Bob Seger's like a rock. Which is a good song, but COME ON. I'm also a bit annoyed that EVERY ad break on EVERY channel has an ad for Spectrum on it. God only knows how much money they are spending on those ads but there can't POSSIBLY be any connection between the cost of all those ads and how much I pay for cable, could there Spectrum??

You'd have adored Ella Fitzgerald. I will say the one where she played triplets screeching and shrieking wears on me.

Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please tell me that isn't James Brolin.

Kareem Abdul Jabbar is on the writing staff of the Veronica Mars reboot.

Aha, a fellow traveler.

Since we have drifted well away from the topic of the thread I'll toss out my food story. Which isn't about being forced to eat some food that I thought was gross, but well, you'll see. It was back in the summer of 1983 and a friend and one of his friends decided to go to the semi-local mall and see a movie and dick around. This was outside of Washington DC which means on the day in question it was about 90 with 75% humidity AND an air pollution warning. Which is of course the perfect weather to walk a mile and half to the closest bus stop that goes to the mall because were teenagers and too stupid to bother to check out whether or not we could have transferred buses. Which, OF COURSE. (Travels back in time and smacks younger idiot self in the back of the head.) We get to the mall, White Flint Mall to be precise, which thanks to Borders Books & Music going bankrupt is no longer there. Seriously. That particular Borders store did something outrageous like 70% of the total business of the mall. And this place had a Cheesecake Factory! And a Dave & Busters! Anyway, back when it was still in business, but long before Borders had opened it's doors there we settled in to watch Wargames and then got in an argument over whether or not we should try and sneak into one of the theaters showing an R rated movie. We ended up staying, but then due to our being stupid teenagers discovered that we didn't have enough money to get the bus back home. Or at least not all the way home. the bus driver was cool and nice enough to let us go as far as Congressional Plaza, but then we had to walk all the way up Rockville Pike and make it over to Falls Road. Keep in mind sticky/blazing/poisonous air. I was sweating like a motherfucker. We stopped at Wintergreen Plaza (and yes I realize no one is going to know ANY of these places unless you go to Google maps and who's gonna take that amount of time) and for some reason a deli/liquor store there was giving out free samples of Pepsi Free and Diet Pepsi Free (which were caffeine free). I probably had 25 cups, but then had to stagger onward and made it as far as the Rockville City Hall/Police Station where I availed myself of the water fountain and stared oh so longingly at the pay phone, then staggered on out sans my companions who had left me behind. (Was I overly resentful at this. Truth? I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA IF THEY WERE THERE OR GONE OR BEEN REPLACED BY TARANTULAS.) I was putting my entire being into moving my feet forward one step at a time. And as bad as it sounds, trust me it was worse in person. Then my primitive brain said FUCK THIS!!! and I went to a house and rang the doorbell which was answered by a sweet young woman wearing a cut off t-shirt and Daisy Duke shorts. I asked if I could use her phone and after calling my mom and explaining the woman came back and offered me (shudders involuntarily) pineapple juice. Which I drank down like there was no tomorrow. 4 glasses. She had apparently been watching a Star Trek rerun when I came a calling which, ok sure. Then while I was drinking she started talking about Jesus and whether or not I had been saved. NOT THE BEST MOMENT TO TRY AND GET ANOTHER RECRUIT FOR THE CROSS LADY. But then my mom showed up, thanked her profusely as did I and we made our way back home. Where I proceeded to barf up those 25 cups of Pepsi product and 4 glasses of Pineapple juice all over our white shag rug which was just getting pver my having spilled a bowl of Chef Boyardee spaghetti on it a couple years earlier. Heat exhaustion is a MOTHERFUCKER. A. MOTHER. FUCKER. I have no problem shoving endless amounts of Pepsi down my maw, but pineapple juice? I can't even smell it and not get the dry heaves and gagging. Goddamn smell memory.

You'd be surprised how long dogs will lick something to get EVERY LAST BIT OF LUSCIOUS SCRUMPTIOUSNESS!!!! off/out of the bowl/face. Okay, I know that all of the MENS are under assault now, and I'm sure I wasn't the only one who was sick of EVERY GODDAMN commercial during NFL games being for Cealis or Viagra, but now that those trademarks/copyrights/whatever have gone away and so have the ads what does that leave us with, "MEN, DO YOU HAVE A CURVED DONG? WOULD YOU LIKE TO NOT HAVE A CURVED DONG? You may have something called Peyrones" oh who the fuck cares. I demand equal time. Where are the ads aimed at women who have breasts that are unequal sizes or labia that they are unhappy with?

Fair enough. Nowadays I only really watch SNL for Weekend Update. ALTHOUGH, I have to say that I let out the occasional giggle watching a Debbie Downer sketch and watching the other players trying desperately not to corpse. I'm looking at you Jimmy Fallon. You with your stupid "Is The Egg Hard Boiled Or Is It Raw? Let's Drag Out A Celebrity And Smash Said Eggs Against Our Foreheads And Find Out" bit that I CANNOT LOOK AWAY FROM. Sucks me in EVERY GODDAMN TIME.

My mom LOATHED sauerkraut. Which HEY, ME TOO!!! Anyway, unfortunately for her she grew up in a time (the 1940's) and went to a Catholic school where you ate your lunch. Period. End of discussion. Which was fine if you brought your lunch, right? I mean mom isn't gonna make something gross like a liver and onion sandwich. But once when she wanted ot buy lunch instead one of the things on the tray was sauerkraut. Which mom REFUSED to eat. She sat there with that tray in front of her from 12:00 until 5:30 Pm when her mom called to find out where the hell she was. There was a meeting that included two nuns, a priest, my mom, her parents and the principal. But everything turned out more or less kind of sort happyish in the end.

There was an ad for Pediasure a few years ago showing this kid shoving a FULL PLATE OF SCRUMPTIOUS DELICIOUS FOOD INCLUDING SOME KIND OF MEAT away from him and shaking his head like , "No, mommy, it's gross." Now, does mommy make him sit there until he at least tries one bit of everything? FUCK and NO. Does she chastise him in any way, shape or manner? Seriously, don't you know that all children these days are angelic pwecious unique snowfwakes whose every whim and desire must be indulged including being allowed to act like a brat at the dinner table. Instead of acting like a good parent or someone with even an inch of actual spine, she rushes out to the pharmacy or wherever the hell you get Pediasure from and suddenly everything is super-dee-dooper. How about you learn how to cook, lady.

This one is really old, but what are you gonna do, there's no dislike button. HA!!! Anyway, Kenny Mayne of ESPN's Sportscenter practices some home run calls. I love, "It's never iffy if it's Griffey," (pause) "Nah, that blows.." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ubp_f3J0ZR4

I thought it was a lecture hall. Looked like a lecture hall. But you COULD do surgery in a lecture hall. Anyway, I more or less wholeheartedly agree with your shaking fisted outrage towards this new medical show on NBC. It's pretty obvious whoever came up with the idea who apparently is a dude named David Schulner who you are free to go and harass on Twitter anyway it's obvious this show is meant to be a VERY IMPORTANT STATEMENT about the shittyness of the health care system in the US, which, DUH. C'mon, if I want to get preached at about how terrible the system is, I'm not gonna watch an hour long show about it on network tv. OR AM I??!! Possibly not. There was a Trojan ad a while back, with a couple DUH, the dude was to use a term from the early 80's "Groady to the max!" Oily unwashed hair, scraggly beard, rumpled clothes, just EWWWWWWWWW. Anyway he's talking to his paramour and mentions that he can prove how much he loves her because "I don't pass gas in front of you."* WOW!!!! Lady, don't pass go, don't collect $200, DRAG THIS MAN TO CITY HALL AND YOU MARRY HIM THIS INSTANT! You can use your cat as a witness. *Needless to say the unspoken word there is "yet" as in "I don't pass gas in front of you. Yet."

Dr. Cox "I love this moment so much I want to have sex with it." "Remember that moment from before? I'd cheat on it with this moment, marry it and raise a family of tiny little moments." "Who said who to what now?" "That's it! It's time for the First Annual Sacred Heart Who Caresies Awards. The nominees are Dame Judy Dorian for "I've Stopped Self Sabotaging Myself," Ghandi for "I've Got Candy In My Teeth," The Todd for "Look At My New Shirt."

Yeah I bet you were jumping out of your chair and shrieking "FUCK YEAH!!!" when Charles Martin cheapshotted Jim McMahon and essentially destroyed his right shoulder and pretty much ended his career. And then there are the Packers fans who broke into the Viking team buses and destroyed them and stole players and coaches property and as a crowning touch shit and pissed all over the buses. So classy. As for Laettner, I love read loathe how that spazzy Carolina fan ignored the fact that the reason Laettner stepped on the Kentucky player was that Laettner thought that was the player who nearly crippled him by shoving him into the basketball stantion earlier in the game. As for Laettner being arrogant, sure he was, but he earned and deserved it. He really was THAT great. he's easily one of the top 5 college basketball players of all time. I'm waiting for the 30 For 30 on the Malice At The Palace. There is great story and great documentary to be told, but the way ESPN and the NBA are tied together I doubt it will happen.