Spectator

Although Brianna and Vincent seem to be, by far, the most stable couple at the moment (the bar is mighty low though!), I still see huge red flags. This is probably an unpopular opinion but I fear Vincent is a poser. I think he wants to present an image that he’s a real go-getter and that he’s the best...the best provider, the best dancer, the most suave romantic, the most entrepreneurial...but in fact he’s riddled with insecurities and and fears of inadequacy and is deathly afraid that his true self will be revealed. I think money, ambition, career, etc. are going to be real issues for these two. Vincent wants to be the big man and be the provider in the family, which is admirable, but his current income doesn’t enable him to fulfill that role. I think he is one of those guys who is a bit lost, career-wise. Sure, he “started a new business” a couple months before he got married, and it may end up being a total home run (I know nothing about the demand for a “car locator”, or whatever he is, but it sounds like a big lift) but I’ve also seen lots of guys hide behind the idea of launching a business when they find themselves to be out of options in their respective careers. It’s an ego thing. They can’t tolerate being perceived as lazy or unemployed or between careers or in a dead end job, so they manufacture what appears to be an admirable, entrepreneurial path that ultimately just ends up being smoke and mirrors. Could it work out? Sure. But is he deathly afraid that it won’t and Brianna will perceive him as a direction-less failure? Absolutely. And watching his wife create her list of monthly expenses seemed to send him into panic mode...how can he ever boast about being the provider when his wife is racking up over $100k a year in expenses that he knows he can’t cover? So his immediate, defensive response was to boast that he’d already lived that big life with the fancy cars (although I’m pretty sure he admitted that a prior GF left him because he didn’t make enough money, so I’m not convinced that he’s ever really lived that large of a lifestyle...again, the words of a poser). He said instead he wanted to live a scaled back life with his wife. A lifestyle where he knew he wouldn’t have to bust his hump day and night just to keep up. It’s not a bad thing, but I think it’s quite different from Brianna, who seems really driven and goes after what she wants full speed. I don’t get the impression that Vincent is cut out for the 24/7 level of commitment that is typically required of an entrepreneur. Just as an example, I don’t know a single successful entrepreneur who likes to sleep late...it’s not in their DNA. And typical entrepreneurs need thick skin because they will almost surely get knocked down again and again on their whole way up and they have to get back up even stronger than before, but Vincent doesn’t seem to be able to handle being knocked down even the tiniest bit (the dancing, the champagne bottle, etc.). I think it’s a show and occasionally he lets his insecurities about his house of cards show. Bottom line: I don’t think Vincent is the guy he is presenting himself to be to Brianna. I am so hopeful they make it, but I’m afraid that when the cameras stop rolling and real life begins, Brianna might not be as wowed by Vincent as she is so far. It’s very hard for a driven go-getter to partner with anyone other than the same (thus her insistence that he wake up early...that’s in her DNA, not his). I do wish them the best though and I really hope I’m wrong!

I think Erik and Virginia are kidding themselves...they have so many issues in their relationship they need to work out still. Child bearing. Child rearing. Pet rearing. Social behavior. Social calendars. Social drinking. Excessive drinking. What it means to be married. The list goes on and on. They both talk about how the good times are so good but the bad times are so bad. But they neglect to see that nearly every time they have any sort of a real discussion about a real issue it quickly devolves into a bad time. Always. They handle conflict terribly. Erik gets controlling and Virginia breaks down or shuts down. I can’t imagine these two will ever have a meeting of the minds on how to raise and discipline their kids if they can’t even agree on how to train and discipline a pet. I’m betting that left to their own devices, Virginia’s kid would be the kind of kid who would run around like a maniac in a restaurant banging on the tables of other diners and throwing food while Erik’s kid would get scolded for using the wrong fork to eat his dinner or for placing his napkin on the table instead of his chair after politely excusing himself to use the restroom. They are so different in their approach to life. And I couldn’t help but notice when Erik brought up drinking, Virginia made multiple visible hard swallows. Like a cartoon character who gets cornered. Just the topic makes her so nervous. She immediately denied the role that alcohol has played in their arguments then completely shut down the idea of not having big discussions while drinking. And Erik didn’t even broach the topic Dr Pepper suggested, that they not drink at all for a stretch of time. Her denial and anger are textbook signs of a problem. The woman appears to be so dependent on alcohol that the mere idea of not drinking causes her anxiety. This is a very real issue. I hope Virginia gets some help with her drinking (and her anxiety, as they appear to be very tied together) otherwise it will negatively impact every aspect of her life. I’ve seen it happen. And obviously alcoholism and pregnancy don’t blend. She has a long way to go before even considering having a child. I’m surprised Erik doesn’t see that actually.

As much as I feel for Clara and her unfulfilled sexual needs, I catch myself in my own double standard perspective all the time with these two. I can’t help but think that if the roles were reversed and Ryan were the one gunning for sex all the time and he were the one who was recorded on film aggressively complaining to all his friends about how Clara wouldn’t give it up, I wouldn’t be liking him all that much. I wouldn’t be liking him at all, in fact. And I might even be afraid that he had some rather concerning anger issues. I feel like Clara is given a lot more latitude to express her frustrations simply because she is a woman, which really isn’t fair. I have to remind myself that no one should be pressured into having sex, ever, but especially in this weird MAFS set up where the parties involved don’t even select their own partners. Participants should never feel obligated to have sex because some supposed “experts” paired them up and said “GO”. That would essentially make the experts pimps. Lol. So I’m supportive of Ryan if he wants to wait. The trick, I think, is that he needs to communicate his feelings with Clara regularly and reassure her in other ways that he is attracted to her, he enjoys her company, he loves her personality, etc. otherwise her feelings of rejection could take hold and really weigh on the relationship. I wish them the best. I’m very hopeful they will work things out.

Oh man...so much of what is going on with Virginia is way too familiar. She is the female version of a close family member of mine. It’s hard to say which came first, the drinking or the anxiety but the two combined play off each other and inevitably result in an incredibly destructive downward spiral...self-medicate feelings of anxiety with alcohol, which compounds the anxiety, so self medicate some more with more alcohol, which further raises the anxiety, so self medicate with even more alcohol ...rinse and repeat until you’re just circling the drain. And many of her other traits are linked to this alcohol/anxiety stranglehold too...the fast nervous chatter, the twitches, the bad skin, the overly defensive perspective, the desire to flee. She’s textbook. The sad part is that, at least at the time of filming, she was not receiving any professional treatment for any of this. With a little professional help things could really improve for her. Maybe the experts can help get her the help she needs (not from them though! God no!). The consequences right now are these two can’t handle the simplest of conflicts without major explosions and ultimatums (and don’t get me wrong...the inability to maturely address conflicts isn’t all on Virginia and her drinking/anxiety - Erik plays a big part in this too). If they can’t handle making decisions about training a dog or where to live, how on earth are they going to handle real world problems with their kids, or finances or whatever. They seem to sweep issues under the rug in an effort to be the “happy couple” until one or both of them bubbles over and explodes. Hopefully they start to hit these issues head on soon. God forbid they have children without amending any of this behavior beforehand.

I know it’s been said a million times before, but Virginia’s reliance on alcohol to have a good time (or to have any time at all, really) is really frightening. When she and Erik first sat down for dinner in the hangar, one would think they might have taken a moment or two to talk and reflect on their fabulous day in the plane, but I don’t think Virginia’s butt had even fully compressed into her chair before suggesting they open the champagne. It looked like she was salivating over just the sight of the bottle on the table. Virginia seems unable to enjoy life without a buzz, which is so sad. Alcohol abuse is often at the core of so many marital problems (lying, aggression, loss of trust, financial problems...the list goes on and on). I hope watching the show back serves as a big wake up call for her, as her persistent focus on drinking is so apparent. And is so very very sad. Erik almost surely is going to have a very tough road ahead if something doesn’t change...

I loved how Andrew’s mom suggested that he get some rest during their convo on the front porch, but the sun was shining so obviously it was the middle of the day (and per usual Andrew complained that he wouldn’t be able to sleep because, as we all know, Andrew has it so hard. Always.). So is Andrew working the night shift at the “day” care to necessitate sleeping midday? No wonder he was too busy to call Amira while she was in Serbia. He had a lot of napping to do. He and Jihoon need to hang out and nap together. I simply can’t stand this guy.

Virginia reminds me of Gretchen Wilson She is a 47 year old country singer with songs including “I’m here for the party”, “all jacked up” and “redneck woman”. That’s all I’m going to say. My mom taught me that if I didn’t have anything nice to say, not to say anything at all, so...(***crickets***). Lol

VIRGINIA/ERIK: I was puzzled by the Virginia/Erik match from the start...they seem so different. And I am so saddened now that rather than him elevating her to a new level of maturity, she seems to be dragging him down to her level, into all of her bad, immature behavior. The presumably always prompt military man/pilot seems to be late to everything now, which is such a rude and unattractive trait. And despite seeming to live a pretty buttoned-up, non-partier life prior to this marriage, now we see him drunk in every single scene, regardless of the time of day. I can’t imagine what he must be thinking watching the show back now, seeing himself slurring his words and essentially looking and sounding like a drunken fool every time he’s on camera. Not a good look for a pilot. Not a good look for anyone. I wonder, too, what his mom is thinking watching the show. She wasn’t impressed at the wedding and now pretty much all her concerns have been validated. I hope it’s just a honeymoon thing and he snaps out of it when they are back in Atlanta. No one wants a hungover pilot flying their plane, or worse, one that’s still drunk. She could drag him down enough to potentially destroy everything he’s spent his life building if he doesn’t pull himself together and fast. PAIGE/CHRIS: I wish I could tell Paige that God’s path for us doesn’t always run in a smooth, straight line. I wish I could tell her that, in all likelihood, Chris is not part of God’s forever plan for her but instead he is just one of the many bumps in the road that we all hit in life that help to steer us toward our true destinies. He and this show will surely have a purpose in her life, but launching a lasting marriage is clearly not that purpose. This is merely a stepping stone for her and the show may even serve as an important vehicle to get her to her ultimate happiness. Maybe she will meet someone that she otherwise would not have met without being on this show, and that man will be the man God intended for her. That man will be the reason she was on MAFS, not Chris. I know she believes that God has a plan, but she is assuming that plan ends with this marriage. She is missing the fact that God is sending her sign after sign to leave Chris and that she should leave and continue down the path toward her destiny. I don’t blame her. We all get stuck on some of the bumps in life sometimes. I wish her nothing but the best. She’s a good egg and will surely live a beautiful life (without Chris!).

Absolutely. Gender has nothing to do with it. If a woman who lived in a modest house in a lesser part of town and who didn’t prioritize travel and entertainment was matched with a guy who enjoyed living in the hip part of town and traveling, their differences would be just as obvious. Now if, in addition, that guy were feeling pressure to give up his lifestyle and adopt the woman’s lifestyle, then the mismatch would really reveal itself. Spending habits and lifestyle priorities are pretty significant when evaluating compatibility. If Brett allocates practically 0% of his budget to entertainment while Olivia obviously spends a much higher percentage on it, that’s a compatibility issue. He wants to save money, she wants to spend it on experiences. Gender is completely irrelevant.

It’s interesting that Dr Viv immediately asked Olivia if she believed Brett when he started into his soliloquy about her eyes and her “second smile”. Before she even said it I was TOTALLY questioning his sincerity too. It seemed like a bunch of rehearsed nonsense that he’d seen in a movie somewhere and just repeated it, thinking it would make him look sensitive and sincere. (Does anyone remember the “she has six smiles” quote from Win A Date With Tad Hamilton???? Hmmmmmm....oh Brett, Brett, Brett (shaking head). Lol.). I was glad to see that Dr Viv didn’t just fawn over it and shower him with praise for his sensitivity or whatever. Thank god. But I was quite surprised when Olivia told Dr Viv that she did believe him. But then, less surprisingly, the next day said she didn’t believe him, noting that if he felt that way he would have said it to her (off-camera) while they were sharing a nice moment together the prior night. So I think Olivia has a point that Brett is putting on a show for the cameras. But at the same time, she should have called him out on it then and there when Dr Viv asked. So Brett has a point too that Olivia hasn’t necessarily been fully honest or real, at least up until that conversation following the Dr Viv visit. I don’t like either of these two, but if I had to pick a team, I’d be #TeamOlivia. Brett would drive me nuts. Everything about his demeanor irks me. His short, one words responses when he feels cornered. Or that smug expression. Or his propensity to insult people and their activities when they’re doing something that doesn’t interest him (ex. rating the marriage with the other couples, playing trivia with Olivia’s friends)...he doesn’t need to call everything he doesn’t like “stupid”. That is so rude. So yes, Olivia does seem pretty icy at times (most times, lol) but I wouldn’t want to hold his hand either. I wouldn’t want to do a thing with him. He just rubs me the wrong way. He’s actually one of my least favorite MAFS participants ever, and that’s saying something!

I think Olivia’s complaint about the “long commute” from Brett’s house is really code for her being not so psyched to move out of her hip, fancy neighborhood and into Brett’s less expensive, less desirable neighborhood on the outskirts of town. I think she’s just trying to avoid directly insulting his house and his neighborhood, so to spare his feelings (it’s very obvious Brett is very proud of his house) shemade it about the commute instead. I kind of get it. She earns a decent living and even Brett said if he could afford it, he’d want to live in Olivia’s neighborhood too. So Olivia moving to his house is a big downgrade for her. To continue the NYC comparison...it’s like Olivia rents an apartment in the West Village, near work - great neighborhood, easy commute - but Brett wants her to move to his house in Staten Island (complete with an in-kitchen workshop...every girls dream!). That’s a tough lift for a Manhattanite. And this is on heels of them discussing how he can’t afford to travel, which appears to have been a pretty central part of Olivia’s idea of marriage. In short, she’s bumming. She’s seeing lifestyle downgrades everywhere. The bottom line is the disparity in Brett‘s and Olivia’s socioeconomic positions really should have given the experts a MAJOR reason to pause and reconsider this match. It’s filtering through to so many different aspects of their life (how they spend/save, travel, housing, etc...the list goes on and on).

Omg...I had to rewind the Darcey/Georgi morning after scene to make sure I heard it right. Yep, I did. Allow me to set the stage: Darcey and Georgi are in bed, after having what Darcey described as yet another “amazing” and “magical” night, this time with a self declared sex crazed, top-head pony tail wearing Bulgarian. Darcey is still reveling in her night of passion, dreaming of a life in LA with Georgi (and yes, she did ask if he’d go to LA. On their second date. Classic Darcey. Georgi’s apathetic response to that was also pretty funny...something along the lines of “I have considered moving there before so I suppose that option still exists”...he was basically saying Darcey’s presence in LA would be totally irrelevant to his decision to ever move there. Nice.) But my favorite exchange was when Georgi turned to Darcey and said “so, I will TRY to find time to meet you again”. What? You’ll “try“? He hasn’t even gotten out of bed yet and he’s already hedging on whether there will be a third date? Is the massage therapy business really sucking up that much time, Georgi? Meanwhile Darcey is telling the camera that she’s falling in love with this guy. Of course. But at least he’ll “try” to see her again. And the best part was Darcey‘s response. She didn’t share my outrage at all. Rather than being offended or concerned that he might not be that into her she seemed quite pleased. She said “Oh, that’s so sweet of you”. And she was totally sincere. Zero sarcasm. huh??? She’s not only satisfied with Georgi’s lukewarm, low effort sentiment, but she actually finds it sweet??? I have to wonder, how disrespectful have men been to Darcey in the past for her to think that was sweet? Yikes. Oh Darcey Darcey Darcey. (Head shaking)

I kind of love that Amelia woke up wearing a full-on bear onesie, complete with face and ears AND later that day Bennett was sporting a full-face white mask on the back of his head under his hat, and there was absolutely no mention of either on the show. Those two provide production with so much TV worthy material the show doesn’t even need to mention most of their oddities (I’m SO glad they aired the footage of them building a fort then sleeping in it, though...that was awesome). Contrast that to Henry and Christina, where the producers have to dig so so so deep to find even just 30 seconds of footage worth airing. The chick(en) with the crown made it into two of their segments.

I would like the contact info for the legal dept at TLC. After the extreme close up of Pole eating gooey shrimp (?) followed by the extreme closeup of the Jess/Colte smack session my eyes are forever damaged beyond repair. I am holding the 90DF producers legally responsible. And poor Debbie had to witness that from just a few feet away. Whatever the show is paying her, it’s not enough.

You’re so right...both of those were bad (the lemonade melt down was so over the top...I can’t imagine living with someone like that!). Somehow I managed to overlook all of that and still managed to like her somehow, but you’re right, both were total red flags.

I think the couples that break up often come back looking totally different - maybe it’s to show the world (or show themselves!) that they’ve moved on. I miss Whitney Houston though! She stood out with that hair and had the face to pull it off beautifully. Now she just likes one in a million with relaxed hair.

Me too! I was a fan of Iris up until this episode, but wow is she coming across poorly tonight. I get it that she’s hurt, but she seems like a different person tonight. Snippy. Rude. Passive aggressive. Entitled. Self important. The list goes on. Her attitude is really terrible. I am so disappointed in her. I expected so much better.

Yes, if he's willing to be a doormat. I agree. Deonna has never seemed to appreciate Greg as much as she should and that can definitely wear down a relationship over time, no matter how committed Greg might be. She has no idea how good she has it. If she drives him away with her walls, criticism and negativity she will regret it for the rest of her life. I just wish she could be a little nicer to Greg. Rather than criticizing him for complimenting her, as an example, wouldn’t it be nice if she just complimented him back instead???

One thing I will say about Iris, she handled being dumped on national television with more grace than many ever could (again, recall when Sam ran outside in a fit of anger when Neil said he wanted a divorce). Even after she had time to process all of it and she and Keith were packing she never got defensive or angry or even sloppy sad. She just assured Keith that she would be good. That was all class.

Iris and Deonna both remind me of my friends who married their high school sweethearts then 10 years later got divorced and didn’t really know how to date when they hit the singles scene again. I think both women were jittery and insecure about their sexual experience and skills and tended to just avoid the topic and/or situation as much as possible. The difference in the outcome was at least in part a result of the way their respective spouses responded (the producers just made Iris’s sexual inexperience the main component of her storyline). Greg was the epitome of patience and acceptance but Keith eventually lost interest with the stagnant, undeveloped and immature state of their relationship. I am actually really sad about Keith and Iris. She didn’t bug me as much as she seems to have bugged others on this site. She was quirky and weird, but her quirkiness was at least a more genuine quirkiness, unlike Big Red. Sure she was a little uptight, but I still liked her and I was really holding out hope that Keith would try marriage without the cameras. I think these 8 weeks don’t really reflect what a real marriage will be like whatsoever so I think if there’s even a hint of something there, why not try a little longer and let real life be the back drop instead of choreographed MAFS drama.

Lucky for Deonna that Greg didn’t consider a lack of relationship inexperience to be a deal breaker like Keith did. (1) Deonna hadn't dated anyone for ten for ten years, (2) much like Iris, Deonna repeatedly struggled to open up when discussing deeper or more mature subjects (I’m equating iris’s quarter secret to Deonna’s spooning comment), and (3) it sure sounded like Deonna and Greg only had sex that one time on Greg’s birthday (even when Deonna talked with her friends she said “we did that and it was good”...not “we’re doing that” or “it is good”...she spoke about it in the past tense like it’s not an ongoing event - all I know is I would never refer to my sex life with my partner in the past tense). I’m very afraid that the difference in the sex drives between Deonna and Greg will become more of an issue as time passes. Lucky for Deonna, Greg is very committed and believes a higher power played a role in his match with Deonna. I think there’s very little that could have happened during the 8 weeks that would have driven Greg to ask for a divorce...I think he is one of the most committed participants to ever be on the show. But I just don’t envision having sex once every two months, if that’s what it ends up being, will cut it in the long run. Deonna’s theory that the infrequency will make it that much more mind blowing doesn’t hold true with most people. I don’t think they are compatible sexually, the same way Keith and iris weren’t.

I got to thinking...why do these experts do their home visits during the selection process since it seems pretty clear that nothing they find, no matter how concerning it might be, is a deal breaker??? First, that guy from a few seasons ago who had a pair a women’s shoes in his trunk (he ended up be a cheater...shocker). Now we have Matt, who had his commitment-phobic, nomadic lifestyle on full display in his “room” (that’s right...he didn’t even have a place he called his own). Could the experts really be all that surprised that a guy who has essentially lived in hotels or couch surfed for the last 5 years might not be ready to commit to a marriage? I also thought they looked for family and friend photos on those visits. He had none (he had no relationship with his family whatsoever). No red flags there either experts??? So my question is, if none if these things were red flags for the experts, then what would have been?? If the answer is nothing, then why even bother?

I thought the exact same thing. That’s a mighty big coincidence that they would bump into each other. And I’m thinking it’s pretty unlikely that Matt would continue to carry on with another woman knowing his wife’s best friend was at the same bar. Nope. Not buying it. I’m thinking the producers were well aware of Matt’s shenanigans and wanted a way to work it into the storyline so they asked Raven to pretend that he saw it and then spill the beans. I’d also like to think the producers have a shred of decency and wanted to spare Amber the humiliation of saying she wanted to stay married (we all KNOW that’s what she would have said!) when Matt clearly wanted to catch the first train out of town, so they dumped this news on her ahead of the big day to protect her.

What is it exactly that Deonna is debating? She said she needs to think about decision day and whether Greg offers her everything that she has been looking for? Huh??? What does she want??? Oh right, a man that doesn’t compliment her as often and isn’t as in touch with his feelings. Ok. Great. No problem, Deonna. There are a ton of guys out there with those awesome traits. Enjoy! This is what happens when a girl doesn’t date anyone since high school...she has no idea what’s out there in the dating world and she doesn’t have the perspective or common sense to grab a tremendous thing when it’s plopped in her lap. I don’t think there’s been such an unappreciative participant on this show since maybe Sam (I actually think Deonna is even less appreciative). Sam resisted everything Neil had to offer then when she finally realized that he was actually a pretty decent guy it was too late. Be careful Deonna...even if you both decide to stay together, in time Greg could tire of your nonsense too and go out and find an easier relationship with a woman who appreciates all of his qualities. Based on this forum alone, it sounds like he would have a ton of opportunities!

Did anyone notice how perfectly photo-ready Iris and Keith were on the boat ride while the other couples were struggling through the whole thing?? Amber was seasick, Greg was a little uncomfortable (but in a funny way...he has a great away of laughing his way through situations he doesn’t love - it’s a great trait - deonna is a lucky girl), and Elizabeth was just being the attention seeking headache she’s known to be. But Iris was perfectly tucked in under Keith’s arm as they both blissfully stared off into the sunset. They were perfectly aligned at a slight angle together, as if the Vogue photographer was standing by and had positioned them just right. They truly are a beautiful couple. I hope their marriage ends up being as beautiful as they physically appear together. I’m really rooting for them.