erikdepressant

...collectively referred to as Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events...

The men were on the other side of the building for the ExtenZe Male Enhancement Supplements commercial. "We put signs on two doors: Average Penis and Huge Penis. Let's see how the men feel about themselves when they choose a door."

Dove should have given them a third door marked "ugly." I remember a dating site registration that asked you to rate your looks. Your choices were "very good looking," "good looking," or "average." I guess the invisible fourth choice was "not dateable." Dove is short-sighted in its campaign to cleanse the earth of average-feeling women. It will never end. Their next door choices will be "beautiful" or "stunning." And when the beautiful women have all been rehabilitated, the doors will be "stunning" or "star in creepy Viagra ad."

Eventually, she'll try bathing in the blood of virgins, a folk remedy that uses folks as remedy. #ShroudMommy

Brandi should have borrowed Camille's Art of War books. Remember Camille's power move to come after Mauricio's business over her beef with Kyle? That's how it's done. Your post highlights Brandi's poor strategizing, Easyspreestep. Brandi was in a good place with Kyle and Kim at the beginning of the season. The smart thing to do would have been to play the peacemaker between the warring sisters. You can bring the drama by pretending to care (see LisaR vs Kim). If you have contempt for your allies, you're supposed to conceal it while using them to your advantage. It would have been pernicious and machiavellic, but Brandi could have won fans from both Kim and Kyle's supporters with fake diplomacy. Always keep your hands clean!

Too funny. Their commercials are becoming really tedious to watch. I wish Lowe's would bring back the Kitchen Cousins for their ads; Anthony Carrino causes moderate to severe engorgement of my spongy tissues.

Someone should start selling brown paper lunch bags labeled as "snack burqas."

Thanks, BluishGreen. My next project is "Brandi's Cheeks: More Matter with Less Art."

When I saw this SlimQuick Pure commercial for the first time, it looked like the LOSE 3X banner squirted out of Kate's ass. If "BioPure Green Tea" is a weight-loss laxative, why bother putting extra protein in it? http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7i3v/slimquick-pure-biopure-green-tea

The Kay's the thingsley Wherein Kim didn't catch the conscience of the Kingsley

I don't plan to watch next season, but I hope Evolution's insurance company demands that during filming, all beverages be consumed from red Solo cups. "Don't go near my husband!!" >SPLASH! thunka-ploppa-thunka<

Okay, my respect for Kyle went up quite a few points because she put this in her blog:

Sorry... I figured very few people would get that. I'm a nerd about sci-fi movies, and I also watch Food Network. It's a reference to Looper, which is a movie that involves time travel. I don't want to spoil anything for people who haven't seen it. It's a great film, though. Big time. You must not have seen the Values.com commercial "Two-ply: Pass it on."

The image alone. I'm dying. "Something is rotten in the Prince of Denmark -- oh, hi, Adrienne!"

I don't have an iPhone, but I assume Brandi just deleted her own responses from the conversation, especially if they included private telephone numbers.

That's most likely the case. But... it's also possible that LisaR was goading Kim because telling the secret would have been career suicide for Kim (if that's even still possible), because the other women would have iced her out afterward. And, more importantly, spilling the beans might have revealed the source of the information. Like, what if LisaR had let something slip when she was hanging with Brandi, and Brandi passed it along to Kim? Or if the source had been Kyle? But, so far, all evidence points to your being correct about Kim. It was just a feeling I had.

I might as well lob a couple more dissenting views before bed... In defense of Andy, there was really no need to further demonize Brandi and Kim. Everyone's seen the show. And read the internet. Would it have helped any to villify them for another three episodes? He might as well try to pretend to be objective and look for a different side to the events. Also, I'm actually more convinced now that Kim had real dirt on HH. At the Amsterdam dinner, the other women's horror was palpable. LisaR would not have gone apeshit if Kim's insinuations could have easily been dismissed as Enquirer nonsense. People have upset me in the past, but I have never reached for their throats or smashed wineglasses at them. The issue was also way too easily swept under the rug at the reunion. If Kim really only had a tabloid rumor, the other women would have moved in for the kill and stomped her right there. ETA: Kim did show a quantum of clarity in that situation. If she had been lying about HH, at least she admitted it. If she knew the truth about something awful, at least she kept it to herself, which means she is capable of self-restraint.

I'm out after this season, regardless of who comes back. I gave up on Atlanta mid-season and don't miss it at all. The year Carlton was on, I was skipping Atlanta and Beverly Hills. Since nothing on either show improved after my absence, I won't be tuning in again. I've only caught a few episodes of the other cities, and none of them seemed worth watching. In 2018, I hope to be able to go around telling people I'm three-years' Housewives-free, but if I happen to watch a marathon when I'm in 100% boredom, DON'T QUESTION ME ABOUT IT!

It could be worse. They could be using cute kid focus groups to sell Viagra: "We want baby brothers, but our daddies have E.D."

The day before, the poor girl's father dropped her off at school and showed everyone there how Cottonelle has allowed him to go commando.

Kim would have been totally redeemed and become my personal hero & favorite cast member if Kingsley had attacked Michael Vick.

I'm far too classy to make a tampon joke, so I'll just suggest that maybe Brandi's next book could be called Drinking and Dividing.

Brandi better catch that bouquet, since menopause is looming.

LOL... that is so wrong. I love it.

If her podcast fails, she can get a job writing ads for politicians during election season. I think Europeans are much more comfortable with nudity in the media than we are. I'm more grossed out by the encouraged starvation aspect of modeling (birthday cake, anyone? A well-chewed almond?).