GenevieveS

Reading all these comments has been surprising for me because I thought what really set her off was the way he came back. As in, she would have just trashed him to her friends if he'd stayed gone after sneaking out. It was coming back, banging on her door and screaming on her lawn in the middle of the night that pushed her over the edge into how she did react. She even said something to him about her neighbors, implying (to me) that there now are witnesses to whom she will have to explain why this guy woke them all up last night. When she made the comment about his sweat glands, I thought she was about to figure it out and it disappointed me that they didn't go there. It still would have worked, for me, with the overlooked Kevin narrative for a one night stand to be able to see his addiction when all his loved ones couldn't.

True, and none of my kids' bio parents were incarcerated for any significant length of time, so that issue never came up. I'm not sure how we would have handled it in the cases where we weren't comfortable. I should have added in my original post that I think Randall made exactly the right decision in choosing to give Deja's mother his number and encouraging her to call collect. He went there intending to tell the mother off for disappointing her little girl; upon realizing the bigger picture, the value of maintaining the connection between them in any way he could far outweighs any risks. Especially with a child Deja's age who is perfectly capable of telling her mother where she's living now. (I know some foster parents who set up Google Voice numbers or purchase cell phones for temporary use so they can give out a number that isn't tied to their home address and that they can cut off if it's mis-used, but that option would have required Randall to have gone to the jail with the idea of offering phone contact.)

Not only not required, but actively discouraged by some case workers for the foster parents to give out their own phone numbers, especially early in a case. The state agency would give her a contact number for her case worker, who should always know how to reach the child. I had 6 placements. I only gave out my phone number twice and never right away. And one of those I gave it to the mom, but not the dad. (The other case they were married.)

In foster parent training, I was told they "try." As Katy M says above, though, there aren't always available foster families within the county and certainly aren't always available ones within the school district. I was also told in training that I might be asked to drive a foster child to and from their school, if I wasn't in their district but the distance wasn't obstructive. It never came up, because we mostly fostered preschoolers. (The only school age children I ever had came from counties that were about an hour drive away. (Both technically, "next county over" geographically, but would have involved driving all the way across our county and at least half of theirs.) No way we could have commuted back to their schools. As it turned out, one came in the summer and stayed a full school year and the other came in the summer, spent a week at our school, then went home before his home county's school year started, so it wasn't quite as disruptive as it could have been.) In Deja's case, keeping her in her home school would be ideal (and recommended), but I'm not clear on whether it's practical. I'm also not clear on what exactly Deja's mom did that got her arrested (other than an unlicensed weapon). It felt kind of heavy-handed, but I thought they were rushing through a natural progression that I've experienced myself and seen in a lot of fellow foster parents. You start out thinking of the biological parents as people who "deserves" to lose custody or who somehow don't value their child and at some point, you hit the wall of recognizing just how little difference there is between you and "them." Hopefully, you hit that realization in training or, at least, in private, but it's really, really easy to think the foster child is "better off" with you than with the biological parent that may be struggling with addiction issues, mental health problems, chronic under- or unemployment, or a simple lack of a healthy social support system. I can't tell you how many people tsk-tsked at the news that my placements were reunifying, questioning that decision; these were people who knew NOTHING about the case, the parents, or the process. I was perpetually feeling the need to explain exactly what Deja's mom was trying to tell Randall--the fact that they are family matters. A lot. Ultimately, I'd love to see the resolution of this storyline involve Randall and Beth becoming a part of a support network for Deja's mom that helps her keep custody. That happens and I wish we celebrated it as a society just as much as we celebrate the adoption stories.

These ads drive me crazy, too. My car doesn't have automatic braking, but it has an "collision avoidance alarm" (or something like that) that beeps at me if it thinks I'm going to hit something. IT GOES OFF WHEN THERE IS NOTHING WRONG. If I'm coming around a curve on a 2 lane road and there's a stationary object (like a median, a telephone pole, or a tree) on the other side of the road? It beeps at me. I guess it thinks I might stop turning and drive straight off the road? So, every time I see those ads, I think of all the times my car would be braking for no good reason. I wish I could turn the stupid thing off.

Actually, no. He probably shouldn't. At least right now. And Beth's objection to him taking her to the gala should have been more along the lines of "she's not ready to be alone with you." I know Randall's point was that he thought his taking her would lead to her having a positive, safe, fun experience with him and that it would help. And it might have. But it could also have backfired so very much. Honestly, as a former foster parent, this storyline is driving me nuts. Because Randall and Beth should have had training that told them to take it slowly, to expect her to either have walls a mile high or to have no boundaries at all, to be prepared for her to refuse to bathe at all (a significant number of kids in foster care have been sexually abused while "being given a bath." We were told to offer a bath, but not force it. For weeks, if necessary.) to be careful about time alone with a child. They should have been warned that the "file" they magically got so quickly (ha!) would be incomplete and inaccurate. (We were told that kids were frequently removed for "neglect" and that the foster parents were often the first to hear about the additional abuse--especially sexual--that wasn't obvious earlierey) Maybe Randall is ignoring all that -- that would be an interesting character choice -- but I can't believe that without at least a reference to "what they said in class." I get that Deja's been in care before, so the file (which Randal and Beth would never have been given an actual physical copy of, by the way) is more filled out than the cases I had, but it's just so frustrating to watch them get this all so wrong. Did they talk to anyone who has ever worked in the foster care system? The only part they got right was the caseworker leaving them and it feeling way too fast.

It wouldn't be allowed in real foster care. When I was fostering, all kids in care -- even teenagers -- required adult supervision at all times. Around the time we closed our home (2-3 years ago), some new laws passed ("The Prudent Parenting Act"), which my state interpreted as allowing some loosening of that in the spirit of allowing the kids to have as "normal" a life as possible. So, I would no longer have had to say no to sleepovers where the parents weren't also certified foster parents and would have been allowed to leave a teenager at home alone for hours, but still wouldn't have been allowed to leave them in charge of other kids. It's a rule that is designed to prevent foster families from abusing the kids -- I can't take in a foster teen in order to make her be my live-in, unpaid nanny. They aren't doing a great job with the realities of this storyline, although Deja herself strikes me as quite believable. Randall and Beth should have had training that would have prevented some of these issues, although not all of them.

Thank you for articulating this for me. I was very frustrated with their stance on private foster agencies (disclaimer: my foster license is through a private agency and I think they are way over-simplifying the dynamics of that system) and felt pretty personally attacked. Your statement here is why. They were really beating hard on that "private agencies are only in it for the money" drum. (FWIW, the only private agencies I know of are non-profit. Yes, they are businesses. But they aren't in this to make a bunch of money. I've had a number of state caseworkers tell me that the homes from my agency are worlds better than most of the ones on their state-licensed list, because the agency is subject to some extra state evaluations and can say to the state "No, don't have an available home, try somewhere else" which means they don't have to keep homes on the list if they don't think they meet the standard. The state/county agencies? In my area, they are the ones prone to keeping homes on the list that are borderline, because the alternative for a county caseworker who can't find a home for a child may be to let them sleep in her office.)

You might check your phone, too. My phone has a setting where I can put in "driving" mode and it will send a similar response text. I rarely use it, but noticed it when I was playing with features. :) There was an ad a while back with (I think?) Demi Lavato texting some special symbol to "pause" her texting conversation before she got in the car. I thought at the time, "why not just text that you're about to be driving?"'

The Callie we met in Season 1 needed adoption. Remember her? She was brittle and closed off and she didn't trust that anyone could ever have her back for anything and she desperately needed to keep Jude safe and she would do absolutely anything to protect or help him. I loved that character. I wanted to see that character get a redemptive forever family story arc. The Callie we have now does not have the same desperate need for a family and I hate that the show surrendered the opportunity to tell that story about foster teens. The one about the teenagers who still need a "soft place to land" even if they don't want to actually sever their biological ties. (There's something called permanent guardianship that can actually accomplish both those things, by the way, if the teen can find a stable family willing to work with their biological family.) I also hate that they are feeding into the stereotypes about fostering teens that scare away potential foster parents -- the ones that think they can't want to foster a teen girl with a teen boy in the house because what if they fall in love! I also hate that they couldn't give a better example of how the foster system was broken than by imagining scenarios that would actually, legitimately delay Callie's adoption. If they need examples, there's a court case in New York City they could mine for ideas. When Callie said she wouldn't apologize to the judge for calling him out for not paying attention to what she wanted? I so wanted him to explain some reality to her. That being that he has to look at not just what she wants, but the larger picture of what is safe and stable. Abused and neglected children do not always have their own best interests in mind when they tell the judge what they "want." Kiara didn't want to leave her pimp, remember? But you, Callie, made her leave him by calling in reinforcements when she tried to run back to him. I also hate the concept of "star-crossed lovers." Romeo and Juliet is a tragedy, not a romance. Other storylines: Disappointed that Carmen's story is apparently "your actions have consequences and you may have lost out on your life goals because of one big mistake" while Callie's is "your consequences are irritating delays of major life events, but in the end you get to decide what you really want." The Jude/Connor storyline was good and well-played. Connor needs a supportive family more than he needs a boyfriend right now. It'll be interesting to see how they play this out -- will the mother actually be any better? Mariana/Mat was strange. She thought forgiving herself meant he would be over it? It doesn't work that way, honey. Sometimes, when we hurt someone, it's too big to take back. And Mat gets to decide whether he can move forward with a relationship with her or not. I'm not sure Mariana sees it, but the way things played out has to look to Mat like she just wanted to have sex with someone that night, not specifically with him. And that -- feeling like maybe you were just a means to an end when you thought you were more than that -- got to hurt almost as much as the cheating itself.

I was really hoping -- right up to those last view minutes -- that they were going to stick with the Brandon says "we should say goodnight" and they each go to bed alone angle. Even with the angsty lying-awake scenes. At this point, I'm with Al Lowe in terms of actually hoping for a dream sequence reveal. If it's not? Then the writers have at least finally chosen an angle. Callie can't become a legal member of the Foster family via adoption. But, apparently, she's going to have to actually refuse it herself? Because they haven't forced this character into more adult decisions already? I do think that the characters' actions have indicated that Brandon is actually infatuated/in love with Callie herself, but not so much with Callie's feelings about Brandon. Like others, I'm also skeptical of the enthusiasm displayed by Callie in the sex scene, given that the last time we saw her attempt anything beyond kissing it gave her rape flashbacks and panic attacks. Another reason I'd like it to be a dream. Thank you to DeepPoet117 for looking up the laws in California on restoring terminated parental rights. I was surprised when GildedLily's post implied it would be relatively simple because that's not the case in Georgia either (as I understand it). Not an attorney, but have adopted through foster care a child with parents who "voluntarily surrendered" rights and was told by all involved that it meant there was no way for them to get those rights back. (Also, it means that all extended family rights are terminated as well.) Yet another example of how the rules vary by state. Google (take that for what it's worth) tells me that California is a "two-party consent" state, meaning that Callie's recording of the conversation with Carmen is illegal and (I would assume) inadmissible as evidence in Rita's defense. So, it is believable to me that Callie sending the recording did nothing to blow up the adoption; it probably did nothing to help Rita, either. Was I the only one bothered by Stef and Mike talking to each other during the cellist's piece? I know that's the easiest way to get the exposition in, but come on, people. Brandon is not the only performer who matters at this thing.

This. I hate that TV always gets the concept of godparents wrong. I kept waiting for someone to explain to Mariana that being the godmother doesn't just mean "looking after Bella" in the way that she thinks it does. It means looking after her spiritual life, her faith, and guiding her in becoming Catholic (in this case). I'm not Catholic, but I'm pretty sure Mariana would have to be more than just baptized to be the godmother -- she'd have to be confirmed (which is a multiple month process of classes that the priest referenced) and she'd have to have demonstrated that she, herself, is currently behaving like a "good" Catholic (attending mass regularly, financially supporting her parish, etc). Mariana is not a good candidate to be a godmother -- not because she's not an awesome person, but because she's not a Catholic who believes in Catholicism. On the other hand, I didn't get the impression that Ana is baptizing Bella for any reason other than pleasing her parents. I liked seeing Lena and Stef talk through the issue though and ultimately landing on letting Mariana make her own choice. I think a lot of people raise their children claiming they will let the child choose their own spiritual path, but are then shocked when the child chooses a different one than expected. I don't see Mariana actually becoming Catholic ever (too many deal breakers), but there might be another path (Christian or not) that she (or one of the other kids) eventually finds fulfilling. Or not. This incident ultimately established that those choices really are theirs to make. All I have to say about the latest reason Callie's adoption can't be finalized is this: Caseworker Turnover. I think the last caseworker pushed things through because she was trying to get a sibling group adopted and off her caseload. Balls were dropped. Hence the birth certificate issue showing up at the last minute. Now, we have a new caseworker and she's actually looking into whether this is a good thing for Callie or not. Maybe it will go away when this caseworker moves on in 6 weeks. I like seeing Ty and AJ talk about why the Fosters are doing all this for them. I think Ty is giving us the voice of an aged out foster teen -- nobody really cares about you and they are all in it for something they are getting. I'd like to hear more about where Ty is living and how -- the stats on what happens to aged out foster kids are horrific. But I'm in this for the foster care storylines, so I get that others might feel that they just keep adding characters.

Sadly that last sentence pretty much describes the whole system. Rules upon regulations upon procedures all tied up in knots of red tape. I "know" (via the internet) a foster mom in TX who has to get permission from her judge to travel out of town for any amount of time at all, in spite of the fact that TX law says she only needs permission if she's leaving the state or going to be gone more than 72 hours. As maddog1219 said, Callie would definitely have needed approval to leave the country like that and probably wouldn't have gotten it. (On the other hand, it doesn't surprise me that she did it without the approval. Sometimes the layers of rules make it even more tempting to just throw up your hands and do what you want anyway. Don't tell, but I've driven my foster kids out of state without permission too; we went 15 minutes over the state border, were there for about 2 hours, then drove home. I just crossed my fingers and planned to drive back over the border to a hospital if necessary....) On the topic of the actual show... :) I loved the scene between AJ and Mike about believing in AJ and not letting him "live down" to low expectations, but I hope it's not that easy. By AJ's age, that first response of not trusting Mike should be pretty deeply ingrained. I think the show's done a good job with Callie in showing how long the process of learning to trust an adult can be, so I'm hoping they'll give us the same reality check with AJ.

Not sure about abortions, but I did foster a child that had several serious cranial surgeries while in care. There was great confusion over who could sign his consent forms, but all agreed that I (the foster parent) could not. My foster license gives me the right to approve "routine" medical care -- vaccinations, well-child doctor visits, minor illness doctor visits (ear infections, strep throat), dental exams, etc -- and some "emergency" care -- when another foster placement (a 5 week old preemie) stopped breathing briefly and we took her to the ER, we could sign the form to admit to the ER. When it gets to non-routine but not "exigent circumstances" (which I would assume an abortion would be considered to be), it gets murkier. The hospital thought that DFCS had to sign; one caseworker thought the biological parents (who were actively working their case plans and ultimately got reunified with their child) had to sign. We had several days of lead-up time to the first surgery, so we just got signatures from both. One later surgery, the caseworker insisted she wasn't allowed to give consent and wouldn't sign anything. Thankfully, the hospital intake nurse that time was one who'd seen us before and she let us go on with just the parents' signatures. It was all very confusing. That same nurse later advised me to get a letter from DFCS stating that the parents "had the right to consent to treatment." My guess? It would depend on the case. And maybe the judge. And probably the caseworker.

That may have been me about room sharing. It's true in my state, which is not California, and I don't know what the rules are there. Sadly, the rules do not always make sense and do not always make it easy to get reasonable, good people do become foster parents. On the other hand, this particular rule is really focused on keeping kids safe. Giving kids who've been through whatever trauma brought them into care a space that's "theirs" or at least only shared with someone they already know (bio-sibling) can be important to helping them feel safe and to emotional healing. In the scenario where a child has been sexually abused, it's often not known at the time of placement; many times, it's the foster family that first learns of it. And, sometimes, sexual abuse victims act out their own trauma on other children. Note: I'm not saying that everyone who has been abused becomes an abuser. But the risk is there. As far as the foster system letting a single man taking in a teenage girl, I don't know that either. But, I think it is unlikely they would have placed Kiara with Mike because, again, of her sexual abuse history. Placing a teenage girl who's been prostituted in a single man's household sets them both up for really bad things to either happen or be fabricated. When I took a training on fostering kids who'd been sexually abused, they talked about avoiding situations that opened us up the possibility if it even being interpreted as abuse. One of those situations would be leaving the male of the household alone with a teenage girl with a history of sexual abuse.

Oh, that makes sense. I didn't remember the other composer's name, so didn't make the connection. Thanks.

I really enjoyed this episode. I liked seeing all the non-custodial parents have good parenting moments/conversations with their kids. I also enjoyed seeing Callie's growth in terms of being able to reach out to Stef for help with AJ (although I wished she'd done it earlier when all he needed was a place to sleep...) and the friction between Jude and Callie over whether Donald is welcome in their lives. That seemed very realistic, that siblings could feel very differently about the issue. My third favorite thing was the fact that Sophia is still struggling. I like the realism that she's not magically "cured" and that finding the right combination of medications is taking some trial and error. The "my parents are planning to get rid of me, I know because of how they're behaving" misdirect was nicely done; she's not paranoid (they are keeping a secret and dropping topics when she comes in the room), but it's not about her (at least not in the way she thought it was). I was confused by the Brandon storyline. When he said he thought he'd made a friend, but got stabbed in the back...who was he talking about? The other boy composer? Because I thought he was legitimately friendly, it just back-fired. Kat? And was Kat lying the whole drunk evening to set Brandon up? Why didn't he call her on it when they were with the instructor by saying something like, "I thought you cancelled our 8am session last night when you said you were going to sleep in today."? So confusing. I'm not sure if that was poor writing or poor editing or what. Part of the problem could be that I don't really care about this storyline... Foster parent hat to talk about Mike's ability to get licensed: It should matter, because being a foster parent is stressful and it's important to know how to cope with that in healthy ways. Given how recent his return to sobriety is, it seems like there should be a red flag there. However, it is very hard to recruit foster families for teenagers. (I suspect it's even harder to recruit men, but that's just because of my own anecdotal experience; all the single foster parents I know are women.) Also I don't think anyone outside the family knows about his recent relapse, so he'd pretty much have to self-report it during the evaluation process. We were encouraged to talk about anything and everything that we could think of that might be our personal weaknesses/buttons/past trauma experiences; we were told it was unlikely any of them would cause them to reject us at that point, but that the kids would find them and it was important to know what our own red flags were and be prepared. I can easily imagine a caseworker burying this issue out of desperation for a place for AJ to go; this is especially true if AJ has no past issues with drugs or alcohol, which is what has been suggested so far. I'm also OK with the idea that the Fosters have to be the temporary placement. Again, finding homes for teens is hard; it seems completely reasonable that all the foster parent friends who do that age group already have full houses, too. (Although it would have been good to include a line or two to indicate that....)

Most states depend on the birth parents to point them to nearby "appropriate family" as potential kinship placements. If Ana told the caseworker her parents were dead (for example), they probably wouldn't have verified that. If Ana surrendered her parental rights (as opposed to having them terminated in court by a judge), then the search would have only looked for a birth father, not for maternal family members. If Ana couldn't or wouldn't tell them the birth father's name, they would "advertise" (in the paper) for a set period of time and then just terminate the absent father's rights if no one showed up. (I recently finalized an adoption through foster care, although not in California. The child's birth parents surrendered their rights and we were told that this means there is no legal extended family. The parent's surrender cuts off everybody in the biological tree.) The impression I had from both Ana and her parents was that the break was total and complete and that it was only her recent sobriety that led her to attempt to reach out to them. (Now, a good caseworker will point out to a parent how much better off their child will be with a family member and try to encourage the parent to give the caseworker some people to check out, even "family friends," but we have no idea how good a caseworker the twins had....and even the best ones are often too overburdened to push an uncooperative parent too hard for information like that.) I have no excuse for the Callie's birth father issue, other than to say that nobody probably looked at it carefully until they were trying to finalize an adoption. Didn't they say that the birth certificate in the casefile had been altered to say Donald was the father, but when they requested a new original was when the new name showed up? Caseworker turnover is awful. (One of my foster kids had 4 caseworkers over the 7 months he lived with me.) Every time the caseworker changes, something can slip through the cracks. The fact that no one saw it til they were all at court for finalization is just ridiculous TV drama; it should have been noticed when they were trying to get all the paperwork in order for the finalization. I only watched the last episode once. Do we know for sure there really is a fatality in the accident that Ana and the twins were in? Stef got called to an accident that she was "close to" (or something like that) with a fatality, but I have this sense that we just saw the image of the wreck of the car Ana was driving while hearing that dispatch comment. Someone else mentioned all the death fakeouts we've had already....I can't help but wonder if the accident with a fatality is a completely different accident!

Putting on my foster parent hat again, with the warning that I don't foster teens.... It shouldn't be true, but I don't doubt that it happens. My foster kids have never gone from my home to another foster home -- only home or to a family member; I've only had one that came to me from another foster home. My kids go home with everything they own, as best I can. (Sometimes I find something after they're gone -- usually small things like a sock in the dryer or a toy under a bed.) I have packed up literally a mini-van full of stuff to send home with a 4 year old; her mother met me half-way with 2 vehicles. It is emphasized in training how important it is to foster kids to have things that are "theirs." Everything that comes with them is theirs. Everything I am reimbursed for buying (with a clothing allowance, for example) is theirs. Everything that is given to them as a gift (from bio family or from charities) is theirs. All those things should go with them when they leave and, in my personal case, always have. But can you see the foster parents we saw Kiara living with doing that? Often they come to me with nothing. Children are removed quickly and generally don't get a chance to pack; school age children may be picked up at school and not go home. The one who came from another foster home had one small suitcase (think one of those rolling carry-ons); he'd only been with them for 3 months, though and he was 10 months old, so his clothes were small. Kids who come to me from Mommy's house with nothing and are placed with Daddy have probably just lost everything they had. I wouldn't be surprised if everything gets "lost" while a teen is in juvie or if things "disappear" in group homes a lot.

I've seen several people refer to the adoption as "getting that piece of paper" in the context of underlining that it may not be that big a deal if Callie is never adopted. I feel like the show sort of addressed this already, but also think they've missed out on highlighting some potential parallels with marriage equality. As long as Callie is not adopted and under 18, the state can yank her back out of that home with no notice. That's the risk that the show addressed with the silly set-up that the Foster's license expired. But it could also happen if they get reported for, oh, say, allowing the biological son to have a romantic relationship with a foster daughter. Especially a foster daughter with a history of sexual abuse. There are also restrictions placed on teens in foster care that are not true of teens with finalized adoptions, but the show has not done a good job of showing that. (In some states, teens in foster care have been denied the ability to go on out-of-state field trips with their classes at school because of travel restrictions placed on all children in the foster system.) Once Callie is 18, yes, the state is out of the picture. But here's where the parallels to marriage equality come in. The finalized adoption, like the marriage certificate, is not "just a piece of paper." It entitles the "family" (whether you're talking about a spousal relationship or a parent/child one) to certain legal rights. Without the finalized adoption certificate, Lena and Stef would not have rights to Callie's medical information as an adult, if she were incapacitated and unable to give them consent. Without the finalized adoption certificate, Callie (as an adult) as no rights to medical information about Lena and/or Stef in a similar situation. Without the finalized adoption certificate, Callie has no automatic legal inheritance rights if something happens to Lena and Stef. Without the finalized adoption certificate, Stef and Lena cannot put Callie on their own health insurance plans and must keep her in the state-run Medicaid system. Without the finalized adoption certificate, the world-at-large (legally) does not recognize Callie as a member of the Foster family; depending on the the way Jude's adoption was done, it may even no longer recognize her as his brother now. (He is legally a Foster; she is not.) It really is more than just a piece of paper.