A Matter Of Rank: The Best, Worst, Most & Least Of Everything

[Constantinople]

Bitey and Blackie and rank the Houses each week, and some House threads have rankings of the members of those Houses.

 

This thread is for ranking everything else, serious or whimsical:  swordsmen, beards, sigils, sisters, brothers, cities, monarchs, liars, etc.  Anything at all, even seasons or episodes.

 

It's a way of comparing and contrasting people or things, that might not easily fit into an episode, character or house thread.

 

For example, here's my ranking of characters with hand injuries:

 

1. Davos:  Stannis chopped of 4 fingers on his right hand as punishment for his criminal ways.  He may have four less (Stannis: fewer!) fingernails to clean, but he still has a silver tongue that can draw gold from the Iron Bank (Next Up: blood from a stone).  Uses his right hand as a symbol of Stannis's justness and honesty, and does his best to push Stannis in the right direction.  Not too many would be willing to free Gendry, knowing they'd likely face execution.  Not afraid to speak his mind.  "The Onion Knight" is meant to be derogatory, but Shireen makes it sound cute, and even though he's a new man, a simple sigil like an onion is much more old money than a bunch of tridents and such that his son would have preferred.  Knows who he is and what he wants, and didn't Littlefinger once say that's the only way you can succeed?

 

2. Qhorrin Halfhand: I'm assuming he belongs on this list due to his name; don't know how he acquired it.  Has a pretty realistic attitude about what the Night's Watch is doing and what the people south of the Wall think about the NW.  Was willing to sacrifice himself so that Jon Snow could infiltrate the Wildlings, and thus give the NW a better chance of defeating the wildlings.

 

3. Great Jon Umber - Robb's direwolf bit off 2 or 3 fingers after he gave Robb too much lip.  That doens't seem to have affected him, and if anything, gave him new respect for Robb.  Basically a loyal guy, but a bit pushy.  He meant well by that King of the North business, but it caused a lot of political and military problems.  If he hadn't gone on about the King of the North, Robb might still be alive and Stannis might already be on the Iron Throne.  Don't know if we'll see him again, but I doubt he's too thrilled with the idea of Roose Bolton as Warden of the North.

 

4. Jaimie - Locke cut of his hand because that's the kind of sick twist Locke is.  Jaime didn't take it so well, but Brienne helped him to shut up and stop whining, i.e, helped to put it in perspective.  Working on his lefthanded sword fighting technique with Bronn, but doesn't appear satsified yet, and for now he's faking it till he's making it.  The child tossing, cousin killing, sister raping kingslayer whose twincestuous offspring have caused a civil war comes in last on the list.

[BlackberryJam]

Hmmm...I'd take on best sibling sex action, but Cersei and Jaime win that hands down.  Theon's inept groping of Yara and Viserys copping a feel of Daenerys can't compare.

 

How about ranking the fathers of Westeros?

 

1.  Stannis Baratheon.  Fathered a smoke assassin but protects daughter from both crazy babymommas.

 

2.  Walder Frey.  Will do anything to get his daughters married, even slaughter the wedding guests.

 

3.  Roose Bolton.  Supports his son's hobbies and doesn't make him give up his toys.

 

4.  Tywin Lannister.  Will go to war to get his son back, only to put him on trial for murder.

 

5.  Ned Stark.  Forced sons to watch beheadings.  Murdered daughter's pet.

 

6.  Craster.  Rapin' the girls.  Abandonin' the boys.

Edited May 16, 2014 by BlackberryJam

[joliefaire]

HAIR
 
Tortured Wig Division:
 
1.  Cersei.  Anyone else remember taking macrame classes, way back when?
 

 

 
2.  Sansa Stark.  Macrame, Jr.
 

 

SSS Division (Serious Shampoo Shortage)

 

Ned Stark

 

 

Pretty Curly Boys Division:

 

1.  Jon Snow

 

 

2.  Robb Stark

 

 

Painfully Fake Wigs Division:

 

 

Crimes Against Women of the World Division:

 

Thrilled...

 

 

to, Meh...

 

[dr pepper]

Paranormal Rankings:

 

1. The Red Witch: Summons fire, produces spectral assassins from her uterus, immune to poison.

 

2. The Red Priest: Revives the dead, produces flame from his sword.

 

3. Danerys: Fireproof, commands dragons.

 

4. Bran: Mindrider.

 

5. Unnamed Eastern Sorcerer: Sacrificed a little boy's boy parts to contact a demon. 40 yeqrs later is still not powerful enough to avoid being bashed on the head, crated up, and fedexed to the next continent to meet what said little boy has become.

Edited May 16, 2014 by dr pepper

[CletusMusashi]

Best Pets:

 

1. Ghost: He's smart, friendly, tough, and can work autonomously. Also, he eats zombies.

 

2. Nymeria: I assume she's still alive, because if they were going to kill her we would have seen it in horrible gruesome detail. Even though we haven't seen her since Episode 2, she still gets  a high ranking, because Nymeria was the first one to realize that Joffrey should be killed. They should have just let her eat him, then buried the bones and said he was abducted by a horny Sasquatch. Everyone would have lived happily ever after, and Robert could add "Looking for Sasquatch" to his list of drunken activities.

 

3. Summer: Largely the same good qualities as Ghost, except that he doesn't eat zombies or Joffries.

 

4. Shaggydog: Better name than Summer, but loses points for not eating Rickon. Rickon is useless.

 

5. Ser Pounce: Survived in King's landing even with Joffrey trying to kill him. Kept Tommen from turning evil and/or insane. 

 

6, 7,and 8: The Dragons, whatever their names are: Useful as weapons of destruction, but hard to keep from causing peripheral issues. Unpredictable behavior when hungry. Need at least 23 Unsullied to clean up each one of their poops.

 

9: The Three-Eyed Raven: Appears in lots of visions. May theoretically be useful someday. Almost single-handedly makes Bran's storyline boring.

 

10. Reek: It's hard to go to the kennel and look at strays without wanting to take one home, but in this case Yara was able to restrain herself.

[Haldebrandt]

Best, uh, Voices:

 

1- Meryn Trant ("Arya Stark! Come with us.  Your father wants to see you.")

 

2- Roose Bolton

 

3- Jorah Mormont

 

4- Robb Stark (that accent)

Edited May 17, 2014 by Haldebrandt

[Lady S.]

I like the hair rankings, but I don't think Viserys should stand alone in the male wig division.
(in order from not very flattering to very, very unflattering)

(I will never understand Loras's s1 wig, but at least they let Finn use his real hair in subsequent seasons.)

And Margie is giving Cersei stiff competition in every area, including the tortured wig division. (I think Daario 1.0 stole her more boring s2 wig.)

[Constantinople]

Those who take a painfully slow time to accomplish their mission, if they have at all, from sluggish (White Walkers) to entombed in molasses (Oberyn).

 

7.  White Walkers - I'm starting to wonder if they're heading for the wall or just wandering around randomly. Ranked lowest because they're the only ones who can afford to take their own sweet time.

 

6. Yara Greyjoy - Only took her over half a season for the most anti-climatic failed rescue in history.

 

5. Wildlings - Mance Rayder was last seen in the same episode as Hot Pie.  Unlike the Walkers, they don't have the luxury of futzing around North of the Wall

 

4. Stannis - Theoretically, at the end of S3, he found out the true war was in the North.  Since then he's spent his time toasting his brother-in-law, as it were, and filling out loan applications.

 

3. Daenerys - Has an army, a navy and dragons, still on the wrong side of the Narrow Sea.  Advisors debating whether the snail or the sloth should be her personal sigil.

 

2. Alliser Thorne - Took over 2 seasons to get to King's Landing and back.  Was starting to wonder if he took-up a headlining gig in Vegas.

 

1. Oberyn - The Mountain killed his sister 20 odd years ago and he's just now working on getting some revenge?

[Independent George]

How about best beards?

 

1. Tormund. Especially surprising given the lack of shampoo north of the wall, but that thing is lush!

2. Barristan. It's a beard of power grown in exile - only good things can come of it.

3. Tywin. Like everything about the man, his facial hair is neat, clean, and efficient. Every last whisker serves its purpose.

4. Stannis. Nobody rocks the stubble like him.

5. Littlefinger. Not so much for the beard itself, but I really like the nickname, 'Little Lord Twatbeard'. 

 

Honorable mention: Tyrion. Much like Barristan, it's a beard of power grown in disgrace. If he lives, it can only be because of the beard.

Edited May 19, 2014 by Independent George

[Constantinople]

How about best beards?

 

1. Tormund. Especially surprising given the lack of shampoo north of the wall, but that thing is lush!

2. Barristan. It's a beard of power grown in exile - only good things can come of it.

3. Tywin. Like everything about the man, his facial hair is neat, clean, and efficient. Every last whisker serves its purpose.

4. Stannis. Nobody rocks the stubble like him.

5. Littlefinger. Not so much for the beard itself, but I really like the nickname, 'Little Lord Twatbeard'. 

 

Honorable mention: Tyrion. Much like Barristan, it's a beard of power grown in disgrace. If he lives, it can only be because of the beard.

 

 

I'd have to say that Margaery was the best beard.

[CletusMusashi]

Oy vey.

[BlackberryJam]

Uhm.  I pretty sure Jaime's beard of dirty sexy imprisonment is my favorite beard of all.  The hair, the mud, the beard, so much better than his new look.

 

Renly's nonMargery beard was pretty sweet as well.

 

Wasn't there a guy in Season 1 at the Starks who had a beard with a ponytail in it?  So many beards, they make me swear and swear.

 

I totally forgot the awesomeness of Daddy White Walker in my Father rankings.  Idiot me.  Daddy White Walker kicks ass.

[Independent George]

Wasn't there a guy in Season 1 at the Starks who had a beard with a ponytail in it? So many beards, they make me swear and swear.

Ser Rodrik! How could I have forgotten his splendid beard braid?!

Edited May 19, 2014 by Independent George

[Holmbo]

How about bath scenes. I'm sure to miss some though.

1. Jaime's confession bath with Brienne.

 

2. Dany practicing Dothraki in her bath and then being given a bag of heads from Dario.
 

3. Viserys and Doreah talking about dragons.

 

4. Jon Snow and Ygritte in the cave . (The lords kiss was not part of the bath IMO, so I rank it rather low.)

 

5. Sallador telling boring pirate joke.

6. Melisandre enjoying her last good bath in a while.

I feel like there must be lots more.

[Constantinople]

How about bath scenes. I'm sure to miss some though.

1. Jaime's confession bath with Brienne.

 

2. Dany practicing Dothraki in her bath and then being given a bag of heads from Dario.

 

3. Viserys and Doreah talking about dragons.

 

4. Jon Snow and Ygritte in the cave . (The lords kiss was not part of the bath IMO, so I rank it rather low.)

 

5. Sallador telling boring pirate joke.

6. Melisandre enjoying her last good bath in a while.

I feel like there must be lots more.

I think Dany had a bath scene in the pilot as well. The water was too hot but it didn't bother her. In retrospect that was the first hint of her Unburntness.

Ramsay giving Reek a bath in the same episode Sallador told his boring joke. And now Melisandre's telling jokes in the bath too.

[Holmbo]

I think Dany had a bath scene in the pilot as well. The water was too hot but it didn't bother her. In retrospect that was the first hint of her Unburntness.

Ramsay giving Reek a bath in the same episode Sallador told his boring joke. And now Melisandre's telling jokes in the bath too.

I knew there was some more. Reek Ramsay scene is definitely #2

[Constantinople]

Falls/Jumps/Pushes (ETA: From A High Place / Tall Tower)

 

5. Soldiers falling off the King's Landing walls during the Battle of Blackwater:  Ranked last because they were redshirts, and some of them were already mortally wounded.

 

4. Jaime: In the pilot, Cersei mentioned Jaime jumped off the cliffs of Casterly Rock into the sea when they were children.  Ranked 4th because it was off screen and took place before the series.  The only one on this list who intentionally jumped, and the only one on the list who participated as a jumper and a pusher.

 

3. Ser Vardis Egan: Bronn pushed him out the Moon Door after giving him the coup de grace by stabbing him in the neck and down the back.  Ranked 3rd because he was already dead before the push.

 

2. Lysa Baelish: She fell for Littlefinger, in more ways than one.  Also gave a whole new meaning to the phrase "mooning someone".  Incredibly satisfying with that delightful scream, but ranked 2nd because of

 

1. Bran - the fall that started it all.  Not exactly true, since Jon Arryn's murder and Lysa's letter to Catelyn started it all, but I like the rhyme.  The "hook" that caught a lot of viewing fish.

 

Honorable Mention, Close But No Cigar Division:  Ygritte & Jon almost falling off the Wall during the climb.

Edited May 20, 2014 by Constantinople

[WalterWhiteWalker]

Arya Stark's Murder Victims, ranked:

 

1. Polliver.  "Fine little blade, maybe I'll pick my teeth with it." [stab]

 

2. Rorge.  "What's your name?"  "Rorge." "Thank you." [stab]

 

3. Unnamed Frey Soldier.  "Oh, silly me, I've dropped my Braavosi coin." [stab]

 

4 [tie]. The Tickler, Ser Amory Lorch [by proxy].  "A Man needs a name."

 

6. Unnamed Stable Boy.  "I want *you*, wolf girl." [stab]

 

TO BE CONTINUED (?)

Edited May 20, 2014 by WalterWhiteWalker

[Holmbo]

Falls/Jumps/Pushes

 

5. Soldiers falling off the King's Landing walls during the Battle of Blackwater:  Ranked last because they were redshirts, and some of them were already mortally wounded.

 

4. Jaime: In the pilot, Cersei mentioned Jaime jumped off the cliffs of Casterly Rock into the sea when they were children.  Ranked 4th because it was off screen and took place before the series.  The only one on this list who intentionally jumped, and the only one on the list who participated as a jumper and a pusher.

 

3. Ser Vardis Egan: Bronn pushed him out the Moon Door after giving him the coup de grace by stabbing him in the neck and down the back.  Ranked 3rd because he was already dead before the push.

 

2. Lysa Baelish: She fell for Littlefinger, in more ways than one.  Also gave a whole new meaning to the phrase "mooning someone".  Incredibly satisfying with that delightful scream, but ranked 2nd because of

 

1. Bran - the fall that started it all.  Not exactly true, since Jon Arryn's murder and Lysa's letter to Catelyn started it all, but I like the rhyme.  The "hook" that caught a lot of viewing fish.

 

Honorable Mention, Close But No Cigar Division:  Ygritte & Jon almost falling off the Wall during the climb.

 

What about Drogo falling from his horse? ;)

[Constantinople]

What about Drogo falling from his horse? ;)

 

I only meant it to be from tall towers, walls, etc, so I've edited the original post to reflect that.  I suppose horse falling could be its own separate category:  once for Drogo, twice for Jaime (once when Brienne pushed him off his horse before putting him in a canoe at the end of Season 2, and once in Season 3 when he was feverish after his hand was cut off).

 

 

Deities:

 

5. Lord of Light: Raising people from the dead is cool, but it also kind of ruins things the way immunity idols, Redemption Island and the Outcast tribe ruined Survivor.  Plus major demerits for torching people all the time.  Still not sure if the Brotherhood Without Banners and Melisandre are worshiping the same god, or if BwoB is worshiping the good Lord of Light, and Melisandre the bad one.

 

4. Drowned God: Since drowning appears to be just baptism with salt water, it doesn't appear to be so nearly as vicious as the Lord of Light.  But "What Is Dead May Never Die" is kind of silly, IMO.  Also low on the list because of its adherents.  The Drowned God really needs a better class of worshiper.

 

3. The Seven: Traditional and seem mostly benign, although they're also not exactly rushing out to lend a helping hand.

 

2. The Old Gods: Ranked higher than the Seven because they require less upkeep.  No septs, septons or septas.

 

1. God of Tits & Wine: More of a concept than actual deity.  If Tyrion wins the trial by combat, he really needs to get working on setting-up this religion.

 

Unranked:

a. Fertility Goddess on the Summer Isles with 16 tits:  Sure, it sounds appealing, but with Game of Thrones, there's always a catch.  So until I know more, no ranking.

 

b. Dothraki Gods / The Great Stallion:  I don't feel I know enough to rank them

 

c. Craster's "gods": I'm not sure I'd call the Walkers gods

 

d. The Sheppard / Lamb God that Mirri Maz Duur metioned.  Once again, not enough information.

Edited May 20, 2014 by Constantinople

[TooMuchCoffee]

Jail/Detention Cells  (There were so many to choose from.  This could use some help.  Feel free to redo!)

 

6.  King's Landing "family still has its privileges" deluxe holding cell (prisoner Tyrion) complete with seating and ambient lighting is nearly as nice as Shireen's bedroom (just add a few books). 

 

5. King's Landing traitor's dungeon (prisoner Ned Stark) lacks the seating and lighting afforded special guests. Still, it has walls and private accommodations.

 

4.  King of the North's battlefield holding cage (prisoner Jaime Lannister) offers fresh air and conversation.  You still have to sit in your own sh#t for days on end.

 

3.  The spacious Eyrie sky cells (Tyrion again) feature gorgeous views to accompany the occasional blasts of cold mountain air. The gentle slope affords the prisoner a chance to control their own destinity should they choose it over the Moon Door.

 

2.  The Dreadfort X-rack (Theon) is designed to break even the proudest, most stubborn of political prisoners. Because it involves torture, it ranks above ordinary holding cells but doesn't hold a candle to...

 

1. The Harrenhall Rat Pen is a one of a kind, coed, communal space adjacent to a petting zoo. Families are welcome. Where else can you hear your loved ones' final screams of anguish while waiting for your own number to come up? You don't even need to have committed a crime to stay here. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Constantinople]

Jail/Detention Cells  (There were so many to choose from.  This could use some help.  Feel free to redo!)

 

I haven't re-ranked them, but here are some others in no particular order

 

a. Dothraki: Tie the offender to a pole in the victim's tent until you leave the city.  Then strip him, tie one end of a rope around him, and the other end around a horse.  Force victim to keep up with khalasar until he falls and presumably is either dragged to his death or trampled by other horses.

 

b. Dragonstone: Nice spacious individual cages next to one another with plenty of artificial light and apparently enough fresh air.  Two meals a day: cold in the morning and hot in the evening.  Lacks the privacy of King's Landing Deluxe cells.

 

c. Dreadfort Minimum Security: Trusted individuals will be put in a large dog cage next to the dogs, separated from the regular dungeon.

 

d. Night's Watch prison wagons:  Suprisingly roomy with plenty of air, plus you don't have to walk all the way to the Wall.  Downsides include psycho wagon mates (though you probably are psycho too if you're in one), lack of water and few opportunties to stretch your legs.  Also highly flammable.

 

e. Castle in its entirety, ex. the Red Keep or Winterfell: For high value hostages.  They can go pretty much wherever they want within a prescribed boundary.  It's almost as if you're part of the family, except you're not.

 

f. House of the Undying: Poorly lit room with barebones accomodations; a chain on each wrist pulled tight so that the person is holding their arms horizontally.  Chains are so weak even a baby dragon can torch them to carbon dust.

 

g. Mereenese slave cell: A large underground sleeping quarters for all comers.  Plenty of head space and some light, and easily accessible to anyone with even a cursory knowledge of the area.  Due to neighborhood gentrification no longer in use and will probably be converted to wine cellars.

[TooMuchCoffee]

 There has certainly been no shortage of prisoner holding options to rank. 

Edited May 20, 2014 by TooMuchCoffee

[Haldebrandt]

Best slaps...

[dr pepper]

Best slaps...

 

No contest. THE SLAP takes 1st through 10th place.

[Haldebrandt]

I can only think of 6 slaps, 5 of which were received by the same person, and 4 of those were delivered one person.  There may be others.

Edited May 20, 2014 by Haldebrandt

[Haldebrandt]

Best Fights

 

Someone else can rank them all, but my favorites are (1) Hound vs Dondarrion (Kissed by Fire) and (2) Hound vs Polliver & Co. (Two Swords).

 

I found both those fights exceptionally well choreographed, especially the first.  I wonder if Rory McCann's participation in both is a coincidence.

[Lady S.]

I can only think of 6 slaps, 5 of which were received by the same person, and 4 of those were delivered one person.  There may be others.

Joffrey was slapped three times in s1 by Tyrion, Jaime was slapped by Cersei, Dany was slapped by Viserys, Cersei was slapped by Robert, Sansa was hit on the face twice by Ser Meryn, Joffrey was slapped by Cersei, Theon was backhanded by Balon, Joffrey was slapped again by Tyrion, Sansa slapped one of the peasants trying to rape her and was slapped by him in return, Roose Bolton was slapped by Catelyn at the Red Wedding, Theon was slapped repeatedly by Ramsay in the s3 finale to turn him into Reek, Bronn was slapped by Shae, Jaime was slapped by Bronn with his own golden hand, Bran was slapped by Karl the fooking legend, Arya was backhanded by the Hound, and now Robin's been slapped by Sansa. I'm sure I'm forgetting someone.

[Independent George]

How about 'Best Weddings'? Too soon?

[Constantinople]

How about 'Best Weddings'? Too soon?

 

I wouldn't think so, there are plenty of options, and you can always update them later:

a. Daenerys & Drogo

b. Robb & Talisa

c. Sansa & Tyrion

d. Edmure & Roslyn

e. Joffrey & Margaery

 

Of course how you rank them depends on what you think makes for a "best" wedding.  If you like simplicity, then perhaps Robb & Talisa should be No. 1.  If your tastes run more Dothraki, then perhaps Edmure & Roslyn is No. 1.

[Haleth]

How can Ser Loras not be one of the pretty curly haired boys?

 

Rank swords, from Ice to Syrio's wooden stick.

[BlackberryJam]

Does Theon's Sword in a Box merit a ranking?

[Meredith Quill]

Men and their swords, brings a whole new meaning to Ser Arthur Dayne, called the 'Sword of the Morning'. :p

[TooMuchCoffee]

An additional "wedding" includes Littlefinger and Lysa.

Does Theon's Sword in a Box merit a ranking?

 

It's definitely rank by now. 

[Haleth]

There goes lunch.  :P

[Lady S.]

An additional "wedding" includes Littlefinger and Lysa.

Which happened offscreen, but they definitely win for most enthusiastic bedding.

[Constantinople]

Ranking the Weddings and/or Receptions

 

6. Edmure & Roslyn: Ranked last because some people don't know the difference between hosting a killer reception and hosting a killer reception.  Also, the Frey Hall is so dark and gloomy and full of Freys.  On the plus side, it's one of only two weddings where both the bridge and groom are still alive

 

5. Littlefinger & Lysa: We didn't actually see the ceremony, but by now we all know what happens (with this cloak, I thee wed, blah blah blah).  Ladies, let this be a lesson to you.  Don't insist on marrying the groom before he bathes or he make take it out on you later (although ambush by septon was amusing).  A dull, hole in the wall affair.

 

4. Daenerys & Drogo
3. Sansa & Tyrion

I could pretty much flip these, but I'm giving the edge to Sansa & Tyrion because

a. we actually saw the wedding, and not just the reception
b. both the bride and groom are still alive (for now)
c. both the bride and groom could converse with each other at the time of the wedding without needing an interpreter
d. No one died at S&T's wedding or reception
e. Though D&D's outdoor reception by the water was lovely, the topless dancers were a little tacky, and the flies buzzying around the fish were gross.

 

2. Joffrey & Margaery: #2 for all of its tacky awkwardness, such as a giant lion's head that would fit right in at a Chuck E Cheese kids birthday party; guests that hate each other; and a re-enacment of the War of the Five Kings that managed to offend just about everyone who wasn't a Lannister or a Lannister toady.  Joffrey truly outdid himself.  Plus, not only was he a cut-up at the wedding breakfast, but he showed us his sensitive side by getting choked-up at the end. So far the only wedding or reception where the dead included the bridge or groom.

 

1. Robb & Talisa:  #1 because it was the only time a coupled married for love (ahhhhhhhh).  Love of each other,that is, Littlefinger's marrying Lysa for his love of ruling the Vale doesn't count.  Plus it was simple, just the two of them and the septon.  On the negative side, it's on the only wedding where both parties are now dead.

 

Some, possibly fun, facts

a. 5 of the 12 are dead, 2 by their spouses (though one of those was a mercy killing).  If Tyrion's trial by combat goes the wrong way, it will be 6 of 12.

b. Both Jorah Mormont & Tyrion Lannister gave books as wedding presents

Edited May 22, 2014 by Constantinople

[Haldebrandt]

Road trips (pairs only):  Tyrion & Bronn, Jaime & Brienne, Mel & Gendry, Arya & Hound, Brienne & Pod, Jon & Ygritte, Sam & Gilly (baby doesn't count), Rickon & Osha, Catelyn & Ser Rodrick... Probably missing some.

Edited May 22, 2014 by Haldebrandt

[Independent George]

Top-10 Improvised Surgeries

 

Infinity +1: Theon & Ser Rodrik's (Head). Dude, just use an axe already.

10. Stannis vs. Lannister Redshirt (Top of that one dude's head) - "That guy right there? He really should have worn a helmet."

9. The Mountain vs. His Horse (Head) - What a sore loser - that's just poor sportsmanship.

8. The People vs. The High Septon (Arm) - see Theon Greyjoy, above. 

7. Robb vs. Rickard Karstark (Head) - And with a regular, non-Valyrian sword no less. See Theon Greyjoy, above, for the worst case scenario.

6. Ned vs. Night Watch Deserter (Head) - Quiet, solemn, efficient - typical of the Starks, it was a solid workmanlike effort, if low on flash.

5. Ilyn Payne vs Ned (Head) - Say what you want about Ser Ilyn, the guy is damned good at his job. The crowd just loves him - he brings a pageantry to the job that Ned couldn't attain on his own.

4. White Walker vs. Ranger Redshirt (Head) - One-handed decapitation. That shows some serious dedication to the craft right there.

3. Drogo vs. Dothraki Bloodrider (Tongue) - what Khal Drogo lacks in precision, he more than makes up for in sheer passsion

2. Locke vs Ser Jaime "Lefty" Lannister, the Kingslayer (Hand) - Always an innovator of battlefield surgery, Locke was so good at his job that it took a full second before Lefty Lannister even realized his hand came off.

1. Stannis vs Davos (Fingers) - Retaining all the benefits of Locke's technique, but with the added bonus of retaining use of the hand, Stannis gave Ser Davos the gift of four fewer fingernails to clean. And as Davos himself says, "[He] was very good with the cleaver."

Edited May 22, 2014 by Independent George

[TooMuchCoffee]

Surgeries addendum:

Surely the White Walkers get Honorable Mention for their creative meat collages in the snow with Extra Credit to Bolton's Bastard for his multimedia display of Theon's favorite parts,

 

[Lady S.]

What about Talisa sawing off a redshirt's leg? Got the King in the North oddly aroused, but that's probably a point against, all things considered.

[CletusMusashi]

What about Ramsay?

[TooMuchCoffee]

What about Ramsay? 

I thought he deserved extra credit. 

[Fen]

Best on a Road Trip

 

1. The Hound.  Helps you kill your enemies.  Gets you fried chicken and a pony.

4. Jaime Lannister.  Constant snarky comments.  Offset by possibility of shared bath at some point.

5  Brienne of Tarth.  Taciturn.  Can kick ass, but may cause delays by insisting on proper burial of random corpses.

6. Podrick Payne.  Sets fire to your meals.  Delays likely due to inability to control horse

7. Catelyn Stark.  May take ill-advised hostages en-route which exacerbate brewing civil war.

8. Arya Stark.  Constant hold-ups due to frequent murders.  May be taken hostage frequently.  Risk of being added to her death list.

9. The Dothraki.  Professional road trippers.  May stop to pillage and rape.  Hope you like eating horse.

[dr pepper]

10. Bran and Company. Food choices tend to be limited to wolf chomped rabbit or frogs. Hours of entertainment singing "100 Bottles of Hodor on the Wall". Good real world and mystical reason to move-- no real world or mystical explanation of where you're going.

Top Chessplayers

 

1. Varys. Never uses pawns, uses other players as pawns.

2. Littlefinger. Keeps extra pawns up his sleeve.

3. Tywin. Tries to allow for some pawns going the wrong way.

4. Tyrion. Not always in the expected square when someone tries to use him as a pawn.

5. Cersei. Bites heads off pawns then tells Daddy it was Ida Know.

[Haleth]

6. anyone

7. anyone

.

.

.

1,000,000.  Ned Stark

[TooMuchCoffee]

 How about the top things to do during a week without an episode?  

[Fen]

1. Sulk

Sulk

Sulk

Sulk

Sulk

Sulk

Sulk

Sulk

Sulk

Sulk

[dr pepper]

No no.

 

1. Come here and snark.

2. Come here, read unsullied speculations, Laugh and/or shake head in pity.

3. Come here and make some more lists.

4. Reread key scenes in the books.

5. Plan snacks for next weekend

[Lady S.]

Best Dramatic Character Deaths (a subjective list based on the deceased getting to say or do something significant/have a drawn out death. i.e., not a quick death by clean beheading, pillow, shadow assassin, dragonfire, or wildfire blast.)

 

15. Qhorin Halfhand: We are the watchers on the wall.

 

14. Maester Luwin: I pulled you into the world, both of you. I've seen your faces almost every day since, and for that, I consider myself very, very lucky.

 

13. Polliver: Carry me?

 

12. Lord Beric Dondarrion: He will, but not today. (may seem like cheating but there can be no resurrection without death first.)

 

11. Yoren: I always hated crossbows. Take too long to load.

 

10. Lord Commander Jeor Mormont: The gods will curse us for this. ... Unhand her, I shall have your head for this. (see below)

 

9. Karl the Fooking Legend: You know what's wrong with honor? (see above. tbh, breaks the top ten for implications for other breakers of guest right.)

 

8. Ser Rodrik Cassel: I'm off to see your father.

 

7. Joffrey the bastard styling himself Baratheon:  *cough*It's nothing.*gasp*

 

6. King Viserys III Targaryen: You cannot touch me! I am the dragon! .... Dany, Dany, tell them.

 

5. Lady Lysa Tully Arryn Baelish You want her? This empty-headed child?

 

4., 3..&2. Grey Wind, King Robb Stark & Lady Catelyn Stark: On my honor as a Tully, on my honor as a Stark, let him go or I will cut your wife's throat. (Grey Wind got to jump and howl, so he meets my criteria better than Talisa.)

 

1. Prince Oberyn Martell: No, no, you can't die yet, you haven't confessed. .... Say her name! You raped her! You murdered her! You killed her children!

 

To be updated at the end of the season, but I think the top spot is pretty sewn up.