S05.E15: Mother's Day

[Lady Calypso]

Quote

Stef’s mom comes to visit and helps Stef cope with a tough time. Meanwhile, Callie and Jude grapple with the memory of their biological mother.

[Lady Calypso]

I liked the episode for a variety of reasons (not much love interest drama, for one; A LOT of family stuff), but there's some things that I just didn't like.

First off, Mariana may be my least favourite teen character of the 2010s, and that's saying something. Once again, she can't learn to mind her own business. First, with the Jesus thing (what he said wasn't right, of course, but Mariana had no business in blabbing to Lena), but then getting involved with the Tess stuff. Why does Jesus get a strong lecture on feminism and being raised to not treat women like the other guys in the earlier school scene (which, by the way, was the right way to handle things with Jesus) but Mariana doesn't get a lecture on her snippy remark about Tess having an affair with Stef? I think that would warrant more than a soft "Your mom and I have a good relationship". Like no, Mariana deserved a stern warning to not cross that line. I needed Lena to use the exact tone she had with Jesus in his bedroom, but Lena didn't even raise her voice. 

I will say that Tess is an awful person. It's not that she can't be exploring her sexuality, but her son is clearly confused and unable to process how things shifted so quickly, and Tess doesn't even bother to try to figure things out with him and be there for him. I feel bad for Logan and I can feel sympathy for his family falling apart and trying to make reason out of it. Sorry Logan, your mom's a crappy person who is acting like a teen exploring her sexuality for the first time. It's great and all to be able to finally feel like yourself...but Tess, you are not a teenager. You are a grown ass adult with a husband and a teenage son. You can't be going around, acting the way that you are, without thinking about your family.

Then, threatening Mariana like that? Yes, Mariana blackmailing Tess into confessing is wrong. Mariana can't out someone that isn't ready, even if she's the mother of the son that Mariana's crushing on. I am perplexed that Mariana is that dense to not be able to see how dangerous outing someone is. However, Tess' threat toward Mariana was far from right. She's a sixteen year old kid; you're a forty-something adult. I was expecting her to tell Mariana that outing her is wrong and that she will tell Logan when she's ready and to maybe mind her own business. But threatening Mariana took things too far. 

However, other than this stupid subplot, I enjoyed the episode immensely. It's always great to see Sharon pop up, and I loved her scenes with Stef. Man, that panic attack from Stef was utterly brutal to watch. I'll give them props on this; I don't think I've seen such a realistic panic attack on TV before. It was messy and it was somewhat long, and it felt so realistic. I love the revelation that Sharon had panic attacks at that age as well, and that led to some much needed closure between the two.

I was so hoping that we were finally going to get something Jude-centric, and not anything to do with stupid boyfriends and gaming. But, nope, false alarm, guys! It's still about Callie! Not that it was bad either. It was nice that she could get some closure with the necklace. But man, her telling Jude at the beginning of the episode that they'd go see their mother's grave another day? I was screaming at my TV for Callie to not be so stupid. I'm glad she came around, and I'm glad that we got the reappearance of their father. 

The beginning of the Jesus subplot was very rocky and I didn't quite enjoy it. But once they got back to the home scenes, things got a lot better, and I thoroughly enjoyed Jesus' essay being about Stef and Lena. 

Poor Brandon; he truly is stuck between a rock and a hard place. I can't even blame Grace's mom for confronting Brandon like that. She had to have been feeling hurt about not being Grace's proxy and she may have taken it out on the wrong person (I assume she didn't want to get mad at Grace because she's been sick so she went to the healthiest person, which was Brandon) and she's not wrong when she said to him that it wouldn't be easy and he might not be able to handle it. I'm just waiting for Grace's death episode, though. It's coming up soon, I fear. 

Otherwise, a pretty solid episode, if I ignore the Mariana and Tess stuff.

[tennisgurl]

Wow, a Donald appearance! And references to Callie and Judes backstory! Thats more shocking than a million prison sentences being overturned! I am actually really happy with how the Mothers Day stuff turned out, this show is SO much better when its about the family being a family, and not endless love triangles and issues of the week. It was sweet seeing everyone giving gifts to the Moms and hanging out, and Jesus's paper was so lovely. 

Its amazing how much more I like Jude when he isn't stuck in plots involving video games and teen love. He and Callie were sweet, and I loved them seeing their dad. It would be nice seeing them connect a bit, even if its just in the background. 

Graces death is coming closer and closer, and its going to crush poor Brandon. Graces mom might have been a bit harsh, but he wasn't wrong about Brandon being too young to make this kind of choice for someone. I can understand her reasons for not wanting her mom to be the proxy, but this is still going to end in heartbreak. 

Great seeing Sharon again, and getting some closure with her relationship with Stef. Interesting that Stefs issues seem to be about her divorce and coming out, and not the millions of awful things that have happened to her and her family lately. Or maybe its a combination. That panic attack was just brutal to witness. 

I am so over Tess, she just sucks and I am tired of her and her drama. If she wants to explore her sexuality, thats fine. If she feels like her marriage is over, thats fine. But she is going about it all the wrong way, dragging Stef into this, and isn't communicating with her clearly miserable husband and confused son, neither of whom did anything wrong. Her inability to just be honest with her kid might end up seriously damaging his relationship with his father, and she doesn't care at all. She is acting like a teenager, not a woman with a career and family. From their perspective, their family feel apart in a matter of a few weeks, and her son has no idea why, and she is handling this horribly. And threatening Mariana was just going way too far. She`s a kid, your an adult! Just tell you son the truth instead of threatening his teenage kinda girlfriend who is trying to help him! Yeah, it will be a tough conversation, but are her issues so deep that she would rather threaten kids than tell her son she might be a lesbian? 

Stef is gonna be pissed when she finds out what Tess said to Mariana. 

[bybrandy]

Callie and Kevin Pearson can bond over dead parent necklaces.   

[FrumiusManxome]

Okay episode. I spent most of it annoyed though. 

Callie telling Jude they didn't need to go to their mother's grave was brutal. Like I was in awe of how callous she was being in that moment. I really wanted Jude to go anyways without her or tell her off. I'm glad she came to the proper conclusion, however, I wasn't feeling the necklace thing. I understand what they were saying, but it came off as too extreme in the other direction. In the beginning Callie seemed to be trying to sweep everything in the past under the rug which was wrong. In the end they seemed to be saying that she didn't need to live in her grief everyday either which is true. But, I don't think the necklace was a sign of someone unwilling to let go. A lot of people wear little mementos of their lost loved ones. It doesn't mean that they are constantly grieving, but it's a memory of that person that they keep close. It can be a comforting, small reminder of their love not just the sadness. It felt like they were trying to push for a full circle Callie moment we hadn't earned. Jude and Callie never mention their mom, and we haven't had 'foster care' plots in a while. At this point they feel utterly disconnected from their roots, so to speak. Grief can last a lifetime and when you lose someone you will constantly have it there, but it's not like Callie is actively grieving in the way she did in the early seasons any more. She's at a way better place in her life where presumably it doesn't hurt so much any more. So I just don't see why she couldn't keep the necklace. 

Also I'm frustrated with the Ximena/Callie thing. I don't care if they get together, but I'd like to know if that's where we're headed. Because if Callie is feeling something for Ximena she's not being totally honest with Aaron and he has been pretty upfront with her so far. Then again that's Callie's usual MO when she starts getting interested in someone else so I shouldn't be surprised. 

I liked Grace originally, but now I can't stand her. She's so selfish and her relationship with Brandon is spiraling. It's one thing to not want to be coddled. I can respect that because it's probably been awful to be treated differently for so long. But, she views being coddled as Brandon displaying a different opinion than hers. And it's not fair to him. Just because he clashes with her shouldn't mean that his opinion isn't valid or that he's treating her like a child. Yet, Brandon has been walking on eggshells this entire time and she has no concern for it. She did say it might all be too much for him and try to make sure he made an informed decision when he decided to be with her. But, the primary problem I have been seeing is that Grace, like her mother said, does not know what's best for her but operates constantly as if she does. She is never open to discussion even from Brandon. She is quick to go on the defensive. And she acts like garbage to her mom who has always been there for her, yet loves her dad when it looks as if he barely interacts with her. As a child that makes sense, but as an adult I feel like she should have some kind of hindsight like 'yeah, my mom is pretty great. I know she's been overbearing, but she's just scared'. 

And the proxy thing made my blood boil. How dare she decide he should be her proxy with no discussion whatsoever? Another sign of her taking Brandon for granted. Wow, so sweet to keep her mom from making that decision because it'll crush her, but it's totally fine for Brandon who also loves her to take on that guilt and strain instead? And then Brandon (though this falls more on his issues) agrees, because his savior complex is a mile long. 

Mariana was horrible. Unnecessarily butting in about the Jesus/para thing and then turning around to do the same thing with the Tess stuff. I don't care how much you like Logan, Mariana, delivering an ultimatum to a woman obviously struggling with her sexuality when she should know better than anyone how awful forcible outing can be is deplorable behavior. I know it's hurting Logan. I feel for him too, but it's still none of her business either way. 

Onto Tess, all of that Mariana nonsense could have been avoided if she was acting like a capable grown woman instead of a freewheeling teenager. Her utter lack of compassion for her husband and her son is ridiculous. I hate how she keeps trying to throw it in Stef's face that she did the same thing. Uh, no. Stef did unfortunately, end up hurting Mike and in some way Brandon. But she never absolutely blew up her family the way Tess is doing. From what we've seen and heard, Stef treated the whole situation with much more tact and consideration than Tess has been. And honestly, so what if Stef really had acted like garbage back then? That was like 13 years ago and Tess is 13 years older than Stef was. So I would expect her to know better regardless. Speaking to Mariana like that was way out of line. Tess is just losing it all altogether at this point. By the end of this whole ordeal she won't have anyone.

Jesus's plot was like a footnote. I don't even know why we needed that in this episode. There was more than enough stuff present without us needing the tacked on 'we raised you to treat women better than that' lesson as well. His letter/essay was really sweet though.

As someone who has a similar relationship with my own mother, I really felt for Stef. They always see everything through rose colored glasses. Yes, I love you and I know how hard you worked and cared for me, but you were not always perfect. It doesn't mean that they didn't do a good job, but even at their best they might have screwed up which is a hard pill to swallow.  It's difficult to get my mother to acknowledge how little things that didn't matter to her in the grand scheme of things were a crucial part of my development. I hope Stef is able to work through the worst of her issues now. It's hard to see her so broken down. 

Overall, the episode was mostly frustrating and exhausting for me. I am looking forward to this show ending and starting anew with the spinoff. 

[possibilities]

If Tess doesn't want to be outed, she should have told Sharon not to talk about where they were going. I think it's too much of a burden to put on Mariana to keep her secret, without any support for Logan. Tess is putting Mariana in a terrible position here. Tess could have talked to Logan, told him that his dad did nothing wrong and she's working out some things of her own, and helped relieve the pressure on Mariana. She could have told Mariana she was sorry to put her in that position, and she will talk to Logan, and to please understand that Tess is not ready to discuss this yet, so would appreciate if Mariana would respect that for now. She could also have helped Mariana come up with things to say that would be helpful, like what Lena told her about how sometimes issues arise in marriages that aren't apparent to outsiders and they don't necessarily mean one person is in the wrong, so Logan shouldn't jump to conclusions. It's not like Tess was being discreet. It's not like Mariana was hacking her email or stalking her for info. I really think Tess is an unsympathetic character at this point. There's just no excuse for threatening Mariana in that way, or trying to turn Logan against her.

I also had no problem with Mariana telling Lena what Jesus had said. That was also something he said in public, and she overheard by accident, and she had a right to be disgusted and angry about it. I think this is different than the times she was deliberately courting trouble and interfering without cause. I consider it akin to reporting a crime.

That panic attack was intense. Kudos to them for not holding back.

I'm really sad that the show is ending. They seem to have gotten their bearings again and been focusing on the family and I will really miss Stef and Lena.

I was surprised that Stef didn't try to talk Brandon out of being Grace's health proxy. I think the real solution would be to have a committee, so no one person would carry the full weight of the decision. I get that Grace is afraid to be stuck past the point of meaningful life, and that she's trying to protect both herself and her mother, but it's a lot to ask of Brandon, and she's not thinking about him at all, either.

I was absolutely shocked that Callie shut Jude down about visiting the cemetery. They've really pretty much killed off the relationship between those two. They used to have a closeness that hasn't been seen in a long time. But her reaction there was really extreme. I also agree that there's no reason she can't wear the necklace anymore. But I think it's OK for her to decide she can also wear other necklaces sometimes. She didn't throw her mom's locket out. She just took it off and put on the necklace Ximena gave her. I think it was a symbolic way of saying she's ready to fully embrace her life now, and is not clinging to her pain or running away from her future anymore-- sort of like how you might take off your wedding ring when you're ready to date again. I found it unnecessary but not harmful. It also showed that she fully accepts and trusts that Lena and Stef are her moms now, and she doesn't have one foot out the door waiting to be rejected.

Stef not getting anything for her mom for Mothers Day seemed out of character, if they're a family that gives gifts like that. But then Jesus didn't seem to know they were giving gifts, either, so maybe it's a new thing.

[KaveDweller]

5 hours ago, possibilities said:

I was surprised that Stef didn't try to talk Brandon out of being Grace's health proxy. I think the real solution would be to have a committee, so no one person would carry the full weight of the decision. I get that Grace is afraid to be stuck past the point of meaningful life, and that she's trying to protect both herself and her mother, but it's a lot to ask of Brandon, and she's not thinking about him at all, either.

Are you allowed to have a committee as a proxy? Because then you may end up with people disagreeing and lawyers being brought in and all that drama you see on hospital shows.

I thought it was pretty awful of Grace to put Brandon as the proxy because she didn't want her mom to live with the burden of having pulled the plug. I get not wanting to do that to your mom, but now Brandon is going to have to live with that grief. And instead of being mad at her, he just embraces it.

5 hours ago, possibilities said:

If Tess doesn't want to be outed, she should have told Sharon not to talk about where they were going. I think it's too much of a burden to put on Mariana to keep her secret, without any support for Logan. Tess is putting Mariana in a terrible position here. Tess could have talked to Logan, told him that his dad did nothing wrong and she's working out some things of her own, and helped relieve the pressure on Mariana.

It's a really tough position for Mariana. Because, yes, Tess should be able to tell her family in her own way, and it's not Mariana's place to out her. But at the same time, if Mariana is really Logan's friend, it's not fair to expect her to see him hurting.  Plus he'll probably be pissed at her if he finds out she knew. But I was sympathetic to both sides at first. When Tess showed up at the door I thought she was going to make a plea to Mariana about it being best for Logan to come from her and she's not ready, and blah, blah, blah.  The threat to a teenager was pretty ridiculous.

[Perfect Xero]

So I thought the issue with Callie's mom was going to be something to do with Callie finally confronting the fact that her mother lied to her about who her biological father was her entire life, which resulted in Callie and Jude being stuck in the foster system (where they were abused) after the man she allowed to believe was their father abandoned them. That's the sort of thing that would result in all sorts of issues and conflicting emotions.

Instead it was generic fluff about moving on.

Bleh.

[possibilities]

To be honest, I don't know if you can designate a committee to act as health proxy. It probably varies by what state you live in. But if Grace was a minor child, and her parents were still married or had joint custody, both parents would probably have equal standing, so that seems like a precedent to me. It's definitely messy, but death is a serious issue and I'd rather see it be handled in a way that's difficult and messy than not, if there's any doubt at all.

Either way, Grace doesn't seem concerned about Brandon, and I feel bad for him and kind of upset about that. Not that she really has any options that are truly painless. So I feel bad for her, too. It's not like Tess, who I feel is turning into a cartoon villain at this point. Grace is in a legitimately no win situation and she may not be perfect but she's not threatening a teenager and being a total coward, either.

[Perfect Xero]

3 hours ago, possibilities said:

To be honest, I don't know if you can designate a committee to act as health proxy. It probably varies by what state you live in. But if Grace was a minor child, and her parents were still married or had joint custody, both parents would probably have equal standing, so that seems like a precedent to me. It's definitely messy, but death is a serious issue and I'd rather see it be handled in a way that's difficult and messy than not, if there's any doubt at all.

Either way, Grace doesn't seem concerned about Brandon, and I feel bad for him and kind of upset about that. Not that she really has any options that are truly painless. So I feel bad for her, too. It's not like Tess, who I feel is turning into a cartoon villain at this point. Grace is in a legitimately no win situation and she may not be perfect but she's not threatening a teenager and being a total coward, either.

 

The show Kevin (Probably) Saves the World had an episode where Kevin helps a woman who married her best friend (who was in love with her) while she thought she only had a few months to live but then miraculously recovered and found herself married to a guy that she likes a lot but isn't in love with. I can't help but feel that this is sort of how Grace views Brandon. He's someone who she likes being in a relationship with, but he isn't the guy she'd see as "The One" if she had her entire life in front of her.

[KaveDweller]

19 hours ago, possibilities said:

To be honest, I don't know if you can designate a committee to act as health proxy. It probably varies by what state you live in. But if Grace was a minor child, and her parents were still married or had joint custody, both parents would probably have equal standing, so that seems like a precedent to me. It's definitely messy, but death is a serious issue and I'd rather see it be handled in a way that's difficult and messy than not, if there's any doubt at all.

Either way, Grace doesn't seem concerned about Brandon, and I feel bad for him and kind of upset about that. Not that she really has any options that are truly painless. So I feel bad for her, too. It's not like Tess, who I feel is turning into a cartoon villain at this point. Grace is in a legitimately no win situation and she may not be perfect but she's not threatening a teenager and being a total coward, either.

Oh, I feel bad for Grace too. She is in a pretty crappy spot all around and I do think it is sweet she doesn't want her mother to have to pull the plug on her.

I actually thought she was just putting Brandon to avoid picking one of her parents. The actual reason is more complex. Brandon just gets stuck in this awful spot due to circumstances.

[LisaM]

Really can't stand Tess. She is showing no concern at all for her husband or her son. She has the right to explore her sexuality but she isn't 16 and has adult responsibilities. Threatening Mariana made absolutely no sense. If Tess always acted in a similar manner, it is hard to see why Stef fell for her years ago. 

TPTB have been bringing the emphasis back to the family, which is great. The show is so much better when it focuses on the family and not on the teenage relationships. 

Poor Brandon - he gets himself into these situations where he is taking care of someone else - first Callie, then Mason's mother, whose name I have forgotten, then Grace. At least Grace is age-appropriate and wasn't living in his house as his foster sister. He is even taking care of Stef at times. Hopefully Brandon will wind up with a happy ending. 

I was surprised that Lena didn't come down on Mariana harder when Mariana questioned whether Tess was interested in Stef.