Small Talk: The Library

[AnnieF]

That's a pretty swanky hotel in Nob Hill, Harvester, so we'd be able to meet up and do San Francisco-y stuff pretty easily, 'cause that location puts you near all the usuals (Chinatown, Fisherman's Wharf, Union Square). I wouldn't be able to afford to stay in Nob Hill, but that's no worry. Happily, much cheaper accommodations can be found not too far from there. (We may want to confer on this point, Darkpool.)

Continued good real estate vibes, Endeavour. I'm down to the last couple of weeks before escrow closes on my old house, and like most things that take forever, it's these final days that are the most excruciatingly long. :/

Edited April 26, 2015 by AnnieF

[cko]

I'm happy to look into affordable shared options downtown--I'd want to stay in town too and not have to commute in...

 

Fun!

[dusky]

Someday I will get to San Francisco.

 

So I want an opinion. I work with a woman who has been with the company quite a bit longer than I have and has taken on some aditional responsibilities. She is also opinionated and always sure she is right. She has brought up a couple of mistakes I have made while when I come across one of her errors I simply fix it and move on. She is also a Fox news watcher and tends to be vocal about her politics while I don't feel that is appropriate in the work place. If she expresses out and out bigotry I will call her on it but otherwise I don't want to engage. How would you guys handle this. I am thinking the next time I come across an error I will bring it up but other than that I don't know what else to do.

[cko]

We would love to see you here in SF one day, dusky! You would love it, and I know from experience that you are a delight to visit with.

 

RE: your situation, I would agree with not "covering up" her errors, but with the spirit (supposedly) that it is useful for her to be aware of them, and continue to call out her egregious comments but not every little thing. However, I'd think you would also be in your rights from an HR perspective to ask her to refrain from political comments due to it creating an uncomfortable work environment (not sure if you need to make it for political reasons, more like "It causes me stress to be exposed to politics during the workday"), and if she doesn't desist you might be able to ask for supportive action. Ergh, sympathies to you, sounds very challenging.

[Endeavour]

Thanks, AnnieF. I'm trying to be patient. I realize it may a long time. There's a lot of houses for sale in that area too which isn't helpful. Glad you're wrapping things up.

Dusky - if your coworker has been with the company a long time, it seems her behavior has been tolerated which is unfortunate. I would try to minimize contact with her if at all possible. I would have no problem telling her what topics I prefer not to discuss or just not respond as you said. If you don't respond, she may stop on her own. Is there any chance she's trying to be helpful by pointing out the mistakes? That one is more difficult without understanding the dynamics a little more. In time, the right solution should present itself.

[trudi-tru]

dusky, I woul definitely bring up the next error that shows up. As for the rest, I would simply tell her that I'm not comfortable discussing certain topics.

Try to avoid her as much as possible.

[AnnieF]

The non-reply is also handy. Coworker: "[Fox News bullshit! Benghazi!]". dusky: "Huh." Or "hmm." Or "Wow." Or "You don't say."

All very flat and neutral. Sometimes it works. ;) I wish you luck: this person sounds like an asshole, frankly.

[romantic idiot]

Yeah, what you guys said. Show her the errors. Thanks for the birthday wishes, trudi, Endeavor. 

 

Did your family feel the earthquake?

 

Yes, in fact they did. My mum thought her pressure had gone down and the folks around her started scolding her for letting her blood sugar get low. Then one of them went out and apparently reported that everyone felt the shakes. 

[Erratic]

You guys, I saw a black bear today that looked the size of a moderately sized grizzly. Let me tell you, that is a big black bear!

Long drive through the mountains today, off to Vancouver tomorrow to visit my BFF and then off to Tofino on Vancouver Island on Monday. we have booked a log cabin overlooking the Pacific, private hot tub on the deck, the beach just in front, wood burning fireplace in the living room...

Great escape for a few days.

[AnnieF]

Have a great time, Erratic!

My mother's youngest sister died this week (she has four sisters; all the others are alive). She'd had cancer for years, and was really in pain and suffering, so it's for the best. I knew her the most when I was a tween/ young teen, and I have some good memories. I will miss her. But oh, the anguish in my mother's voice when she called me with the news. Do. Not. Like. :(

[trudi-tru]

I'm sorry Annie.

[cko]

So much sympathy to you and yours, AnnieF. It must be tough to lose a sibling--many of my friends have, and it seems to be a particular kind of pain and loss.

[AnnieF]

My mother is taking it particularly hard because she always hoped she could "save" her sister. My mother's family of origin is full of alcoholism and abuse, and this sister took the brunt of some real awfulness. She lived here for several years in the late 70s/early 80s, and looking back at it now as an adult, I can see that my mother saw her sister as a "project," which alas is not a good way to try to help someone. Ugh, it's just all so sad. Some kinds of abuse can't be recovered from, it seems.

[Harvester]

I am so sorry AnnieF. Vibes and comfort to you and your mom.

[Loandbehold]

Sorry for your loss AnnieF. My condolences to you and your family.

[KittenPokerCheater]

My love to you and your Mom (and the rest of your family) AnnieF.  Fuck cancer.

 

But Yay for the folks going to San Francisco!  Photos or proof or kidneys or it never happened.  :D

 

Romantic_idiot, glad you are all okay, and that your houses haven't been flattened.

 

Good vibes for all here, for good real estate news, and also Baltimore and Nepal.

 

 

 

ETA:  Trudi is awesome but she's not near Nepal.  Yet.

[Endeavour]

I'm very sorry for your loss, AnnieF.

[trudi-tru]

Trudi, glad you are all okay, and that your houses haven't been flattened.

You're thinking of romantic_idiot. I haven't moved to Nepal. Yet.

[Chyna]

I'm so sorry for your loss, AnnieF.

[Earl Is Dead]

I'm so sorry for your family's loss, AnnieF.  My mom lost her brother in February after a long illness - I know where you're coming from.  It sucks to see your mom hurting so much.

 

Glad your family is okay, Romantic Idiot.

[buffyjunkie]

My condolences on your Mother's loss AnnieF.

[dusky]

So sorry for your loss AnnieF. take care,

 

 

[Valny]

Oh, I'm sorry for your loss, condolences to your family, AnnieF. 

  FU Cancer!

[AnnieF]

Thanks for the well wishes, everyone. :) Y'all are the best.

[romantic idiot]

Annie, I'm so sorry for your loss. My mother lost her brother a few years ago and my father has lost a couple of siblings as well. They get so sad. We still miss them, but it does get easier. 

 

In other news, I came to say the following:

Frak. I'm going to have to start watching Masters of Sex again. Just learnt Josh Charles is going to be in it. 

[AnnieF]

We're closing on our old house today! This morning I get to call the power, water, garbage, and insurance companies, and cancel those accounts! Truly, today is awesome, for on this day we stop paying double on all that shit. Wheeeeee!!!

I complained about this on FB, but I'm going to put it here too, because it really does suck: my sense of taste/smell are compromised, and it is very difficult to force oneself to eat when nothing tastes like anything. I am currently living on pistachios and coffee with cream in it. Healthy! :/

Super huge vibes all around! I'm going to be in a good mood all day because of getting this huge financial burden gone, so I invite you to share in my good cheer. Yay for all the things! Heh. :-)

Edited May 6, 2015 by AnnieF

[Erratic]

Woot! :)

[Endeavour]

I'm sorry to hear about your sense of smell and taste being compromised, AnnieF. If you don't mind my asking, is that something that comes and goes or is there anything that helps?

A big congrats on the house! Glad that will now be behind you.

[cko]

Whew, AnnieF, congrats on the house, and condolences on the loss of taste/appetite. I went through a low appetite phase and that really sucks. My pal Dom is trying Soylent for various reasons; have you considered something like that? I realize that doesn't up the pleasure quotient, but he's finding it a good replacement for the hassle of cooking and eating. We'll see how long he keeps with it.

 

Things are okay with me, lots of emotional/practical ups and downs, but trying to keep on the level. Kinda getting interested in entertaining and traveling again, so stay tuned....

[trudi-tru]

Tha's good, cko. Keep us posted.

 

Annie, that truly sucks. Do strong spices help?

 

I'm glad you're done with the house. 

 

Edited May 7, 2015 by trudi-tru

[AnnieF]

is that something that comes and goes or is there anything that helps?

Do strong spices help?

Yes and yes. It's a nerve-signaling problem, and it is intermittent, although it is much more frequent (as in, nearly 100% of the time) than it used to be. Every now and then I will smell something clear as day, to the exclusion of everything that also has an odor in the same vicinity. And mostly what I can force myself to eat is stuff with very strong flavors. Curry is my current best friend, heh. The other issue, unfortunately, is that I'm also intermittently having the feeling that anything I swallow is stuck in my throat. And I mean, like, a drink of water. This is extremely unpleasant, as you can imagine, so that's also standing in the way of me being able to eat much. Blergh. I really don't recommend this MS thing. Don't sign up for it, y'all. It's a trap! ;)

cko, thanks for the Soylent idea; it won't work for me, as the two main ingredients (rice and oats*) are both things I don't eat, but I appreciate you thinking of it. :)

*When I started doing the Paleo thing (2.5 years now!) I cut out all the grains. All of 'em, even though they might not all be pain contributors. I am super unwilling to try to reintroduce any grains back into my diet to see which ones are okay, because pain. My pain noticeably decreased when I cut the grains out, and I don't care enough about any of them to try them again.

I hope everyone has a wonderful day. I hope you all know how much it means to me to have this community of friends to vent to and feel supported by. I don't do any MS-specific support groups or anything, because they never get my sense of humor (too dark. Always too dark. Pfft) and the "support" is often crap like "God only gives us as much as we can handle" which yeahno. Thank you all so much. You're awesome. :-)

[Chyna]

"God only gives us as much as we can handle"

 

 

Argh. HATE. So much wrong with this platitude.

 

I also hate that you're not able to enjoy your food. :( Good news about the house sale though!

[Hostile16]

More hatred for that platitude, which I saw written just a couple of weeks ago on an online funeral home condolence page. Telling that to a widow who has lost her husband to Alzheimer's? I very badly wanted to punch the writer in the face.

My dad lost much of his sense of taste going through chemo. Trying to keep him fed is a constant struggle. Protein is the worst problem -- I'm the one on the sidelines constantly shoving a Boost or chunk of cheese at him.

AnnieF, I'll bet you occasionally have to deal with the "You're so lucky; I wish *I* could lose my appetite and take off a few pounds" jackass, too.

Hey, weigh in on a debate: Racism also applies to positive portrayals, doesn't it? Have you seen the Eggo Breakfast Sandwich commercial with three "'Merican" family yokels lamenting the broken toaster that's leaving them waffle-less, while their adopted Asian son gets a box out of the freezer and microwaves his breakfast? I find it infuriating, while a friend says there's nothing wrong with showing a stereotypical smart Asian kid because it's an admirable trait.

[Erratic]

If you can't eat grains, might I suggest soylent green? I believe it is mostly paleo.

fuck platitudes and MS.

[AnnieF]

AnnieF, I'll bet you occasionally have to deal with the "You're so lucky; I wish *I* could lose my appetite and take off a few pounds" jackass, too.

Oh god, these people. And the thing is, I'm not losing any weight. Our bodies are complicated and shit, and the bullcrap idea of "calories in, calories out" does not actually work in real-life humans, so yeah. Staying right at the same weight, c'est la vie. I have baffled a couple of people when I told them that in fact no, this isn't making me lose weight, but I don't care. It's just so baked into our damn culture: "Weight loss=good!" There are more important things, but I had a hard time trying to convince those two women of that. (Of course they were both women. Of course.)

Racism also applies to positive portrayals, doesn't it?

Yep. Benevolent racism, like benevolent sexism, is definitely a thing. And just like in that commercial, it's very often people of Asian descent who get to "enjoy" being told that they are all super smart and they all (ALL) know math and science. Any kind of stereotype that says that ALL people in a particular group are the same is not cool. Even if the stereotype is supposedly positive. That ad would've had me saying "oh HELL no."

If you can't eat grains, might I suggest soylent green? I believe it is mostly paleo.

I made a noise somewhat like this: "Snorfbahahaueghahhhhheeee." :-)

ETA why does editing a post screw up the formatting? Grrr...

Edited May 7, 2015 by AnnieF

[Chyna]

Racism also applies to positive portrayals, doesn't it?

 

 

I haven't seen that commercial (WTF??) but yes, that's still racist. I have a Japanese-American friend who writes a lot on racism and related social issues, and the "model minority" tag drives her crazier than just flat-out racism, because the "oh, you all are so good at math" people actually think they're being nice. It's patronizing and stereotyping, with a whiff of "you guys aren't as bad as those other non-white folks."

[Harvester]

Eating vibes to AnnieF. Glad you are thinking about travel cko. I think I am going to book a trip to Chicago in late June/early July.

[Chyna]

Yes, harvester!! Let me know when you'll be in town!!

[Ace Hansen]

Best wishes and hugs to everyone! I should be working but instead I'm watching videos of puppies and kittens. Whatever, it's Friday afternoon!

[trudi-tru]

That's what the internet is really for, Ace.

[Endeavour]

Happy mom's day to all who are celebrating. Hope everyone is having a great weekend.

[buffyjunkie]

Whew, quiet in here these days.  I've been a little preoccupied but OK.  Trying to juggle daughter's out of town soccer schedule, needs of parents, prom, son's inability to plan ahead to secure a hotel room while traveling.  You know, the usual weirdness. 

 

Tomorrow the boy arrives in Rome and then Friday he flys home.  Then we have to sort out his college schedule, summer work, and moving in to a house vs. the dorms. 

 

Otherwise I'm just decompressing with Marvel, Arrow, Orphan Black, or whatever other tv show viewing I'm behind on.

 

Still thinking of all those dealing with losses of all kinds. 

[Harvester]

I had a cool Mother's Day. My friend called at 5AM saying her water broke and she was going in for her C-section if she could find someone to watch her son. Her husband could, but he would miss the birth of his youngest child. I drove over and got spent the morning at the hospital seeing this whole motherhood process begin. It was really quite moving and I hadn't been a part of that before.

I also did dinner with my sister and her family, so it was a pretty great day. We also had about six inches of snow (bullshit!) which destroyed many branches due to the weight. What a mess!

Otherwise, I am busy with work, but I am eyeing the last week in June for a Chicago adventure.

[trudi-tru]

Tomorrow the boy arrives in Rome

Welcome buffyjunkie's son! He got lucky he didn't schedule his arrival a few days sooner, Rome's main airport partially burned down last week and all flights in and out were cancelled.

 

Have fun in Chicago, harvester.

[Barphe]

So, I've been lurking here off and on, just haven't spoken up. Condolences, vibes and tons of love to all. Like many of you, I am dealing with the never ending, ever changing, and almost always annoying when not scary, life of a carer of older people, and also the carer of younger people. It's unbelievably draining, and somewhat isolating.

All that said, I actually poked my head in here today to bitch and moan about something trivial. I've been a regular gym goer for decades. I don't get particularly annoyed by the loud grunters, weight droppers, heavy drippers, buff body show off-ers, loud talkers, telephone users, or fashionistas. Lately, though, there's one guy who I can't stand. This man has body odor SO bad, it has a radius of at least 20 feet. Now, I know this a gym, and none of us smell fresh but this stench is so bad, and so overpowering it is nauseating. Does he NEVER bathe? Never put on deodorant? I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe it's genetic, or he's sick, or its against his religion, but OMG. I probably wouldn't even mind all that much, but I can't work out around him, and that's going beyond annoyance to being disruptive. I try to pick things to do that are far away from him, but he moves around a lot. I haven't complained to management, because honestly, what can they do? But, I pay a pretty penny for the "privilege" of this gym membership, and I'm not getting my money's worth.

Well, thanks for tuning in.

That' all for today's edition of first world problems that are the least of anyone's concerns.

[buffyjunkie]

 

I haven't complained to management, because honestly, what can they do?

They can speak to him politely so you don't have to do so. 

 

 

Rome's main airport partially burned down last week and all flights in and out were cancelled.

Holy Carp! 

 

Thinking of you all.  That is all.  Carry on.

[KittenPokerCheater]

Yay on the house closing annief!  Boo on the fucking ms- and even more, Boo to the people who sanctimoniously say carp like, "the world never gives us anything we can't handle,"  or "everything happens for a reason."  When I hear people say that, my slap-happy hand gets itchy.  I hope the taste buds come back asap.

 

Did you son get home safely buffyjunkie?  And Trudi, I am glad you weren't at the airport flying somewhere cool that day.  You always seem to travel to gorgeous places.

 

Barphe, smelly gym go-ers can be aw.ful  I hope someone in his life (friends/familly) will give him some deodorant as an Unbirthday present.  I am sorry you have to deal with it.

 

Love to you cko.  Just because.  :)

 

I've been dealing with annoying "Life" issues.  I haven't worked in about two weeks, which is stressful, but also all the other carpy stuff. .  I did get to go to an after party of a Gala- it was a good excuse to put on a dress and go dancing.  I also got to meet Gloria Steinem.  She's pretty cool- and it was fun when she hit the dance floor too!  I'm not blue, just grumpy.

 

Wishing everyone happy and peaceful and tasty vibes!

[Chyna]

I haven't complained to management, because honestly, what can they do?

 

They can speak to him politely so you don't have to do so.

 

If other people complain too, they might have a little talk with him.

[trudi-tru]

That's a legitimate complaint, Barphe. You could try talking to the management but, even if they talk to the guy in question, I'm not sure they can force him to take flower scented baths or kick him out for stinking. I'd start looking for another gym.

Big vibes for everything else that's going on in your life.

 

Also, ungrumpy and work vibes for KPC.

[buffyjunkie]

The eaglet has landed. The archrival soccer team was defeated last night. I am off to take my Mom shoe shopping and to lunch. For a brief moment, all is well.